The Write Life

My Husband, My Witness

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:47:00 +0000

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."
-Susan Sarandon's character, Beverly Clark, in "Shall We Dance"

The movie from which that quote originated premiered in theaters in October 2004. It wasn't necessarily a fantastic movie. Entertaining, yes, but not an award-winner. But I have special memories of it because it was the last movie I ever saw with my mom in a theater. She was weak, had difficulty walking and was experiencing some confusion at times, but she wanted to see that movie and she and I went together. I'll always remember that. Two months later, she was admitted to the hospital and spent the next 10 months either there or in a nursing home before she passed away due to complications of diabetes.

Recently, when the movie aired on regular television, that shared experience with my mom came flooding back to me, along with that quote that I found to be so powerful the first time I heard it. In our daily lives, often hectic, often monotonous, it's easy to forget the important role a spouse or significant other truly plays in our lives. They aren't just there to help the kids do their homework or mow the lawn or pay the bills, though it's those mundane tasks that take up so much of our precious time. They truly are the witness to our lives. They see it all with us, take it all in and hold those memories for us. When we forget the details of an event, they help us remember. When we celebrate a success or mourn a loss, they are there to share it and witness it with us. They witness the joy on our face when we receive a welcome surprise and the tears we shed when something hurts us deeply. And they hold those moments in their memory as well, to be shared for years to come.

I am so blessed to have a husband who witnesses my life with me. When I've had a tough day, he sees it in the way I carry myself and he is there to reach out and squeeze my hand. In that moment, he is letting me know that my pain is not unnoticed. When I'm snuggled on the couch with the kids, reading them a book, he's there to see it and someday when I'm old and gray, I'm counting on him to reminisce with me about those moments that passed so quickly, when our kids were young and loved to hear me read to them. He was there to witness the birth of our son and I love knowing that we share that memory together. He was also there when I found out my mother had passed away. I still remember that moment like it was yesterday, but it's so comforting to know he was there when I got the news.

It can be so easy to move through the often-repetitive activities of daily life on auto-pilot sometimes, but our spouse is often the one that picks up on the little things we do, or something funny the kids do, and points it out to us, then files that little moment away to perhaps share with us again sometime. It's those little moments that become the "inside jokes" we all share with our spouses over the years.

I love photography and capture so many moments in photos, yet there are some places and times when a camera isn't allowed or would be a nuisance. Those are the moments when I know Steve will be my "camera". He'll remember the time I fell off my horse while horseback riding in the ocean on our honeymoon. He'll remember the Marc Cohn concert we went to last weekend and how great it was that we were finally seeing him in person after talking about how much we both liked him ten years earlier when we first met. He'll share the memories of the first time our kids rode a two-wheeler or the day we adopted Smudge, our tiny little puppy who grew into a 60-pound dog or the day we rushed Caroline to the hospital for 17 stitches after she fell into her dresser.

Before I grew up and went off to college, my parents were the witnesses for many of the events in my life. I realize that's the role I play for my own children now (and thanks to my obsession with photography, so many of those moments are captured forever). But I'm so glad I'm not alone in that journey. I cherish Steve as my husband, my partner, and a witness to my busy, silly, emotional, memorable life...and I love being a witness to his life in return.

Wanted: One Sense of Direction

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:28:00 +0000

I've always joked about my poor sense of direction. I'm convinced the GPS was one of the greatest inventions of all time and I'm sure the years my father spent helping me find my way to and from various places, followed by my husband taking over that coveted role, would cause them to agree. I can now find my way to all kinds of places with the touch of a few buttons. What a beautiful thing.

What I've recently come to realize is that I could really use a similar contraption to help me find my way in LIFE. My head is spinning with ideas and unrealized dreams and I just don't seem to know which way to turn first. My poor sense of direction seems to have flowed into my daily life and I truly wish my next move could be spelled out for me as clearly as it is on my GPS. Instead of "In 300 yards, turn left", wouldn't it be great if someone could authoritatively say to me, "In 15 days, start freelance writing" or "In two months, begin a photography business".

I don't know exactly what's holding me back. Perhaps it's fear of the unknown, too many passions and not enough time to attempt them all, confusion over which idea means the most to me or a combination of them all. Why do I have to have so many crazy big dreams? If only I knew the one perfect thing I most wanted to do and I could just start pursuing that dream right now. But alas, my dreams are many. I would love to pursue photography. I desperately want to write and publish my writing in some form or another. I have book ideas swirling around in my head. I have always wanted to own a bookstore. I'd love to turn my blog into something amazing. In what seems like another life, I was a special education teacher and I still feel the call to work with children in some capacity. See what I mean? Way too many crazy big dreams. Add to that the fact that I truly love being a wife and mother, taking care of our home, being here when the kids get home from school, baking cookies, preparing home-cooked meals and volunteering at school and you get a mom with crazy big dreams that need to fit into a flexible schedule. I'm not asking for much, am I?

With the start of a new season, I always seem to get that itch to refocus and evaluate my life's direction. Right now, my GPS would probably say "recalculating" as I seem to just keep turning in circles, looking for an answer that I know, deep down, can only be found inside of me. There is no one else who can answer this question for me. All I know is that it's time. Time to start moving in a direction and at least see how it goes. Time is marching on and I don't want to look back and regret wasting it on too much thought and not enough action.

The summer was such a busy time with the kids and our activities together. My in-laws were also staying with us for the past month while they waited to move into their new condo. Those events provided a great excuse to put my plans on hold while I tended to the needs of my family. But I'm running out of excuses and I know it's time to truly discover my life's direction. With so many passions, pursuing any of them is likely to bring me joy and in that sense, it's almost impossible for me to go wrong.

I've always been a fan of checklists, written goals and having a plan of some sort. I'm flexible enough to recognize when the plan isn't working and needs to change, but I definitely see the value in having one. My plan right now is to spend the next few weeks researching some of the ideas I'd like to pursue, writing down some pros and cons and listening to what my heart is telling me. Within a few weeks, I know I need to be taking some action in a specific direction. It's time to stop "recalculating" and figure out which way to turn. Making that turn might be a little scary, but sitting still and spinning my wheels sure isn't working for me anymore. I know there's so much more out there that I want to do.

Is there a dream you'd like to pursue? Please share in the comments and perhaps we can support each other in that journey.

Four Years and Four Million Memories

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:07:00 +0000

Four years ago today, I lost my best friend, my mom, to diabetes. During that time, the Earth has continued to rotate, we've elected a new President, my oldest entered middle school, my youngest went from a toddler to a little boy, I've been to new places and seen new things, I've struggled, I've cried, I've laughed, I've tried to figure out where life should take me next. So many times, my hand has reached out for the phone to call her and seek her advice. So many times, I've seen her face in a crowded place or heard a voice that reminded me of hers, only to realize it was someone else. So many times, I've thought to myself "She would've loved this" or even "She would've hated this", not able to ask her myself but just knowing, because I knew her so well, as she knew me.

She missed my 40th birthday, my oldest daughter becoming a teenager, my middle daughter performing in the school talent show, my son learning to read so easily. She missed my niece getting married and buying her first home, my nephew starting to look at colleges, another niece starting high school this year. It still doesn't seem fair, even after four years, that a woman who spent her entire life focused on family and nurturing those she loved would now be missing so many major moments in our lives, moments she would've cherished and celebrated. The hole she left behind never goes away. She was one of a kind.

Yet as the years have passed, I've had to rely on my instincts and all the things she taught me to get through those challenges where I would've normally picked up the phone and said "What do you think I should do?" And, you know what? Most of the time, I've been really proud of the answers I came up with for myself. She gave me an incredible foundation and set such a great example and I know she didn't truly leave me alone to fend for myself. She gave me the tools I needed and I'm making it work. I hear her words come out of my mouth sometimes when I'm talking to my children and I think "There she is again" and I know I'm not alone. My mother helped me become the mother I am today and there's a little part of her there in so many of the things I do. Even her illness inspires me, because I know she wouldn't want any of her children or grandchildren to travel the painful road of health issues that she had. She's my inspiration to get to the gym when I really don't want to work out, my motivation to make healthy choices for myself and my family. I can't think of a better way to honor her than for her struggles and her courage to make a difference in the way we live our lives for the better.

Last week while on vacation in Colorado, we had an abundance of hummingbirds at the house we rented. Hummingbirds have reminded me of my mom since she passed away (see the sidebar on my blog). Call it a coping mechanism, but these tiny visitors last week were a wonderful reminder that she is still in my heart, even though she is no longer physically with us.

When we first lost my mom, it was all I could do to think of her without crying. Four years later, I'm happy to say that I often think of her without crying. Oh, it still happens (like right now), but more often the memories make me smile. I know she'd be glad about that.

I love you, Mom. And I'm proud to say your legacy lives on:

The Teen Years Are Here

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:12:00 +0000

On Monday of this week, my amazing first-born daughter, Annie, celebrated her thirteenth birthday. Yes, I am now the parent of a teenager. I know it sounds cliche', but I truly am grappling with the concept that 13 years have already passed since a doctor first told me "It's a girl!" and actually let me walk out of the hospital with this amazing little being in my arms...to keep and love forever! It's been quite an adventure thus far and we now enter the next dimension...parenting a teenager.

At the risk of embarassing her (because it doesn't take much to embarass a teenager, as we all know), I wanted to share some thoughts with Annie about what it means to me to be her mom.

My Dear Annie,

Thirteen years ago, my greatest wish was granted when I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mother. I played "house" as a little girl and I always wanted to be the mom. I'm not sure what makes a person want to be a mom from such a young age and to know it's part of their destiny. Perhaps it was the deep love I felt for my own mother or perhaps it was just some internal instinct. As I grew older, I was certainly able to express my reasons more clearly...the desire to nurture and love another person, to create a special childhood for them, to perhaps leave a little piece of myself behind when I leave this world someday.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you were a hope and a dream before you became a reality. That could certainly be a lot to live up to, don't you think? After all, what if you didn't live up to my expectations? That's the funny thing, though. Even though I hoped and dreamed about my own child, I didn't have any expectations of what you would be like or even if you'd be a boy or a girl. I was just fascinated to see who exactly I would be blessed with as my child and excited about the journey ahead of us.

To say you've been a precious gift would be an understatement. You began talking at a very young age and could speak short sentences by the time you were 14 months old. Your vocabulary was incredible. Your obsession with books (a passion of my own since childhood) started early and delighted me to no end. You were a happy, funny, inquisitive little girl who brought so much joy to the lives of everyone who knew you.

As you've grown, it's been an amazing journey to watch you develop your own unique personality. Your witty and clever sense of humor keeps us on our toes. You have an intense need to do the right thing and hate to disappoint anyone. You're a loyal friend and people warm up to you easily. Though I have no clue where you get it from, your gift for playing the clarinet has been a delight to watch for the past three years and I look forward to watching you develop even further as a musician in the years ahead.

I think every parent probably looks at their child as if looking in a mirror from time to time, wondering "Where am I in this human being I helped to create?" With you, it's often very easy for me to see myself. There's the obvious comments we get from people all the time that we look alike, but what I love most is seeing your love of reading, the way you take every free moment as an opportunity to read just a few more pages. I love the pleasure you take in writing and your strong spelling skills. I recognize myself in your sensitivity and your gregarious nature and your fear of performing alone in front of a crowd. I melt when I watch your gentle, patient, loving way with Aunt Wendy. Those are all things that make me say "Yep, I had a little something to do with this."

However, I think my greatest pride comes not from the ways we are alike, but the ways we are different. There are two things I admire deeply about you, Annie. One is your ability to laugh at yourself. You don't take things too seriously and you have a great attitude when you do something clumsy or slightly embarassing. Not many people your age have that skill. The trait I probably love most about you, though, is your self-confidence. You don't try to be something you're not or change your personality to fit a certain group of kids at school. You are just Annie: smart, friendly, funny, a little clumsy, playful, polite, generous, eager to do well in school and just a beautiful person inside and out. You're not perfect and you don't pretend to be. You don't pretend to like or not like something because of what other people might think of you. This is truly an incredible character trait, one that many people struggle with even in adulthood, and I hope it will always stay with you. I think I'm just starting to develop that skill myself and I'm 40. :)

There are going to be some challenges in the years ahead, from your desire for more and more independence to so many "firsts" like high school, dating and learning to drive. I look forward to the adventure with you, my beautiful daughter. You will "fall" from time to time as you learn to navigate the world as a young adult, but I will always be here to catch you...no matter what. I love you, Gracie.

Love,
Mom

Do You Notice the Little Things?

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 01:29:00 +0000

I had always assumed that most people notice the same things I do. I mean, how do you miss a gorgeous sunset or a mama bird feeding her baby on the deck? But I had an exchange with my husband last night that made me realize we really do all see things in different ways (or in some cases, we miss them completely).

Yesterday evening, Theo had a swim lesson. Since Steve met us there on his way home from work, we had two cars and had to drive home separately. Theo rode with me and as we were driving down a very open stretch of road I noticed the most gorgeous sky. There were quite a few thick, puffy clouds and the sun was peeking through some of them. The rays from the sun were shining down onto the Earth and they seemed to be doing that in both directions as far as the eye could see. It was one of those "Darn it, I wish I had the camera!" moments (the photo above is one I took a couple years ago). I pointed it out to Theo and he was in awe of how beautiful it was (he loves stuff like that). He and I kept glancing over to admire the scene and shortly before we got home, I decided to call Steve on his cell phone and ask him if he'd seen it (all the while thinking that of course he had...how could you miss that??) His response? "No, I didn't notice", followed by "Oh yeah, I see it now." Huh.

Now before you think my husband is just an oblivious person, I have to clarify that it couldn't be further from the truth. Steve is a mechanical engineer and his job depends on his attention to detail. Measurements must be exact on every part his company produces. He once brought home a tool he uses frequently at work so he could show the kids how it could measure the thickness of a strand of hair on their head! Yep, that precise. He does all kinds of carpentry projects around the house and gets disappointed about some tiny flaw that no one could possibly notice but him. He does indeed notice little things, but they are often things I can't be bothered to even think about at all.

What do I notice? The beginnings of a gorgeous sunset, a bee on a flower, dewdrops on a leaf, a mama robin feeding her baby a worm in the backyard, the way the sun shines through the trees, the moon when it's still visible in the sky in the daylight, the dizzying display of color at the farmer's market. I consider every one of those things a reminder of the beauty of our amazing planet.

The things I see in nature strike a chord with me and make me feel happy and peaceful. Naturally, I want everyone to see and experience that and when I realized that not everyone does (and frankly, not everyone even wants to) I had to stop and think about that for a moment. Each of us notices the things that matter most to us. I imagine that also means that some people are most interested in what other people look like or how they accessorize an outfit while others notice unique architecture or every car that passes by. The world would be a boring place if we all noticed the same things and had the same interests, right?

I guess it's the reason I love photography so much. I love capturing a special moment or something beautiful I discover in the world around me and then sharing those images with others so that just for a brief moment, they can see what I saw and hopefully appreciate it in their own way. I know I've learned a great deal about the world by looking at images captured by other photographers and in some ways I think it's helped me to notice things that I myself might have missed if I'd been in the same place at the same time.

What kinds of things do you find yourself noticing most often? What new things could you focus on this week that you might otherwise miss? There's a great big world of things to see out there and I, for one, want to see as many as I can.

Want to take a look at some of the things I've seen recently? Check out my photoblog.

Life Lessons Learned at Boot Camp

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:42:00 +0000

A week ago, I completed my month-long fitness boot camp and since then I've been eager to share my thoughts on the experience. If only daily life would stop getting in the way of my desire to update my blog...

I signed up for a women-only fitness boot camp for the month of June after quite a bit of contemplation and weighing of what I perceived to be the pros and cons. I asked several friends if they would like to join me for the experience and while a few said they would if they had the money or if it didn't conflict with their husband's work schedule, others flat-out told me "You're crazy, but good luck!" or my personal favorite response "I'd rather drive bamboo into my fingernails!" You have to appreciate honesty, right? I couldn't blame any of them. After all, I had my doubts as well. This class met from 5:30-6:30 in the MORNING. I previously made it a firm habit never to be awake at 5:30 in the morning. I'm a night owl by nature. I love staying up late, often to the chagrin of my poor husband and certainly to the detriment of my sleep cycle. I couldn't help it, though. I've been a night owl since the time I was old enough to choose my own bedtime (high school) and old habits are indeed hard to break.

It was with a nervous heart that I would head to my first boot camp class alone. The alarm went off at 4:50 a.m. and I got up, dressed and tiptoed out the door at 5:15 while the rest of my family slept peacefully in their beds. There were thick clouds in the sky and the weather was chilly, but I was proud of myself for making it there on time. A group of thirty women gathered in the park, some of them with a friend but others on their own like me. Early into our workout, a few raindrops began to fall. No big deal. Then a few more started falling and a few more and by the last 15 minutes of class, while we were lying on our mats in the parking lot doing abdominal exercises, the rain poured down on us. All I could do was laugh. I paid money for this?? To get rained on while doing intensive exercises at 5:30 in the morning. Maybe I really was crazy.

On the way home that first morning, a feeling of empowerment came over me. In just one class, I had accomplished things I didn't know I had in me, from getting up before dawn to exercising with a bunch of women I didn't know in the pouring rain. It was the beginning of what developed into a great experience. I'll never forget my husband's face when I walked in the door, water dripping off my hair and my clothes soaked to my skin. His expression was a mixture of admiration and pity. I could tell he had as much pride in me as I had in myself, though, and I was ready for more of this crazy adventure.

A photo Steve took of me when I got home that first morning:

Four weeks later, we said our goodbyes to boot camp. I missed only one of my 16 classes (due to illness). I discovered I had shin splints, but I worked through the pain. I pushed myself hard at every class. I wasn't new to exercise, but we did things in boot camp that really challenged me during every single class. I learned a few valuable "life lessons" from the experience as well:

*Sunrises are stunning. I've always been a sunset kind of girl, but I discovered that sunrises are worth waking up for and a beautiful way to start the day.

*Women are wonderful at bonding and supporting each other in any situation. Thirty women, many of them strangers, cheered for and encouraged each other and became fast friends with a shared purpose.

*It IS possible to create new habits. I was definitely not a morning person, but I got up at 4:50 in the morning 15 times during the month of June and I lived to tell about it.

*Getting my exercise done early in the morning gives me more energy and starts my day off with a sense of accomplishment right off the bat. I loved the days where I was done exercising, home and showered before the kids even woke up.

*Consistency and a "can do" attitude really do make a difference in any situation.

*Compare yourself to no one. Compete against only yourself. In our camp, we had women of all shapes, sizes, ages and fitness levels. It wasn't a competition. I loved seeing people accomplish new things and I loved pushing myself to see what I could do in each new situation.

In the end, I had a great sense of accomplishment. I lost a little weight and my clothes are looser. I haven't re-taken my measurements yet, but I know I lost inches. During the first week, we ran a mile and did as many push-ups as we could. We did that again on the last day to see our progress. I did 30 push-ups on my toes! The first week, I did 24 (also on my toes). My arms were already pretty strong, so I was happy to see that progress. I was especially amazed at my progress in the mile, though. I have a history of asthma and knee problems, but on that last day I took just under two minutes off my time in the mile! I can remember times during the month when I would push myself to reach various milestones along the walking/jogging path. The first day, I was lucky if I jogged an eighth of a mile without having to take a break and walk for a bit. On the last day, I went almost a half mile before I needed to walk for a bit...and I was able to start running again after just a short walking break! To some, that might not seem far, but to a girl who has never been a fan of running and who had to wear two knee braces and try not to have an asthma attack on that last day, it was a huge accomplishment!

I am so glad I took on the boot camp challenge for myself. It changed me in some of the ways I'd hoped it would and in others I never expected. Yes, it was a great challenge for my "year of turning 40" and the life lessons I learned will always be with me.

Friday Reflections...And Some Change Will Do Me Good

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Fri, 29 May 2009 14:34:00 +0000

Today I'm reflecting on the week that was, but I also can't let this post go by without a preview of some changes on the horizon.

First, though, the things I am grateful for this week:

:: A wonderful trip to New Jersey last weekend. I saw old friends, laughed and reminisced, spent time with my in-laws, had some one-on-one time with Caroline, spent a fun-filled day exploring New York City and thoroughly enjoyed a few days away from chores and technology.

:: The successful completion of a very vigorous rock scrambling adventure in New York state. The location is at Lake Mohonk and after hiking about 2 miles to the start of the rock scrambling, we then spent the next hour and 15 minutes (or more) climbing over, under, down and around huge rocks and boulders of all shapes and sizes.

We squeezed into areas I never thought possible and there are really no words to properly describe the adventure. There were some intense moments, but it was exhilirating and fun and quite empowering. The views at the end were worth the journey.

:: Those who listen when I'm having a tough day. We all need those people we can truly count on in our daily lives.

:: The friends of my children whom I truly enjoy having around. The ones who are polite and friendly and genuinely good kids. The ones who say what they mean and mean what they say. It's such a pleasure to see my children have friends like that.

:: A less hectic schedule for the kids this summer. Daily swim club from 7-9 three mornings a week for the past two years was rough, but the girls decided to take a break from it this year and have a more low-key summer. Each of them has a week of camp (overnight band camp for Annie, creative writing day camp for Caroline and YMCA day camp for Theo) and a couple small activities here and there, but we are going to be all about fun and relaxation as a family this summer.

:: Our two dogs who make me feel like the most important person on Earth every time I walk in the door. What would I do without them? I can't imagine walking into an empty house with no dogs there to greet me with a chew toy and say "welcome home" with a wag of their tail.

:: Sunshine, warmer temperatures, veggies growing in the garden, a spontaneous family game of kickball in the backyard, the smell of freshly cut grass...in other words, the full-blown arrival of spring, with summer just around the bend

And now for the second part of my post. There are changes in the air right now for me and I'm really excited about them. First, I was selected as the Milwaukee Parenting Examiner for examiner.com. I've only written my first article so far due to my trip to New Jersey, but expect to see more in the very near future. I see this as a great opportunity to get some of my writing online so that I can use them as examples for future freelance assignments I plan to pursue.

I've also been asked by a friend from high school whom I reconnected with on Facebook if I would take her wedding photos for her. She's having a small wedding in June and I am really thrilled that she felt my photos were impressive enough to ask me to photograph her wedding. I've also offered to photograph another friend's new baby and her two big brothers as a baby gift to give me some added practice with newborn baby photos. I don't know what the future holds for me in regard to photography but I have such an intense passion for it and if I could turn that into something I could do even as a part-time career and bring joy to others with my photos, I would be thrilled.

I feel like these opportunities have presented themselves for a reason and I am just going with the flow and looking forward to finding out what it all might mean for the future. This is what I've been waiting for, after a 2008 spent trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, this year seems to be a year for action and risk-taking and being open to every opportunity that comes my way.

Perhaps the craziest thing I've decided to take on is a women's fitness boot camp! I start on Monday and it meets 4 days a week from 5:30 to 6:30 in. the. morning. Yes, you heard me. Now anyone who knows me well knows that I am a night owl. I feel like a child if I go to bed before 10:30 and 11:30 is a much more common bedtime for me. I'm going to be waking up at about 4:45 a.m. to get to boot camp on time. Um, the only time I EVER get up that early is to use the bathroom and promptly go back to bed. I usually get up somewhere between 6:20 and 7:00. 4:45 and I have never been properly introduced, but apparently we're going to get to know each other quite well. The agreement I signed when I registered for boot camp includes remembering to set my alarm and being there on time (not always my strong suit) or face a penalty of 20 push-ups. My one saving grace is that since starting Body Pump in January, I can do a lot more push-ups than I used to, but who really wants to do 20 of them in front of the rest of the class, right? This boot camp is about a lot of things to me...fitness and continuing my mission toward being the healthiest I've been in years, but also pushing my own personal boundaries, testing my limits, doing things I didn't think I could do. I will certainly be sharing the boot camp journey on my blog so I hope you'll come along for the ride. And I promise you don't have to get up at 4:45 in the morning to do it, either. You just check in whenever the mood strikes.

Here's hoping you have much to be grateful for this week and that you're pushing your own personal boundaries in some area of your life as well. If not, why not? It's what keeps life interesting.

Friday Reflections

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Fri, 22 May 2009 13:23:00 +0000

It's time for Friday Reflections and I will be brief today because I am swamped with things to do. I am heading out to New Jersey with my middle daughter tomorrow to visit my in-laws and see some old friends and I am really looking forward to it.

Today, I am grateful for...

:: The opportunity to see old friends this weekend...because I know there will be a lot of laughter and reminiscing and who doesn't love that?

:: Feeling comfortable about visiting my in-laws without my husband. How many people can say that?

:: Special one-on-one time with Caroline, who is a completely different child when she's alone. She is always funny and creative and engaging, but when she isn't with her siblings, she is also more relaxed and easygoing and comfortable in her own skin. Aren't we all a little different when we don't feel like we're competing with anyone else?

:: The fact that I work well under pressure because I've barely packed a thing and we leave bright and early tomorrow, but I know it will all get done.

::The beautiful summer-like weather we had most of this week. It's been a nice preview of things to come.

:: My thriving gardens! Some of the seeds we planted have started to emerge as plants and it's so exciting to watch that transformation.

:: A husband who takes a crazy last-minute idea I have and works together with me to make it happen. We decided at 1:00 on Sunday afternoon to tear down a huge part of the kids' playset that they no longer use, lay down landscaping fabric, spread mulch and move the trampoline to that area and we completed the whole project in 7 hours. It looks great!

:: The soldiers who fought and died for our country and those who continue to protect us as we honor them on Memorial Day

Wishing you a wonderful holiday weekend spent with the ones you love!

Striving for Balance

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Thu, 21 May 2009 03:41:00 +0000

I’m kicking myself right now. I’m sitting in the amazing tree house that my husband built for our children. I love it up here. The breeze is blowing through the screens on the windows and I see nothing but trees in front of me. As you can see from the photo, our tree house has several comforts of home.

What I love even more are the things it does NOT have: internet (well, I actually could get it up here but I’m pretending I can’t), television, phones, appliances of any kind. There are no interruptions up here. No annoying phone calls to ask if I want my carpets cleaned for free, no temptations to catch up on a t.v. show or see what’s happening on Facebook or throw in a load of laundry instead of giving myself permission to write.

And that is why I’m kicking myself. A few hours ago, I was determined to get into the tree house to write. But then I realized I hadn’t had lunch yet. And while I was having lunch, I may as well finish the season finale of “Lost” (finally). Oh, and I needed to empty the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen and catch up on a couple blogs. Oh yeah, and I needed to respond to a couple emails and figure out what I need to pack for my trip this weekend and take care of some other odds and ends around the house. And the next thing you know it’s 2:45 and I have an hour until the school day ends and the bus arrives. The evening craziness will ensue and before I know it, another day will be done.

Time management has never been my strength. I can find ways to stall or avoid an unpleasant task as well as anyone. I spread myself too thin and then struggle to keep up. I don’t allow myself enough time to get certain things done and then I have to rush. It’s a vicious cycle and frankly, it’s one I hate. But these habits are so ingrained that it can be very difficult to just let them go and create new patterns. I always get the jobs done, but at what price to my well-being?

But here’s the biggest kick in the pants of all. Like I said, I get the jobs done. But so often the “me time” I take doesn’t feel like quality “me time” when I reflect back on it. It’s a gorgeous day here. I’m home alone without any people to interrupt me. I wanted to go to the tree house and write. Yet I did all those other things instead and now I’m annoyed with myself because I've only left myself an hour to write. So what if I have to empty the dishwasher or throw in that load of laundry later instead of right now? Or if I don’t get to watch the rest of “Lost” until the next rainy day? Would it be the end of the world if I didn’t know what my friends were doing on Facebook today? There is so much more peace and focus to be found when I step away from the chores and the technology when the mood strikes me instead of waiting until EVERYTHING ELSE is done. Because you know what? Everything else will NEVER be done. Just when you think the whole house is clean, the cycle starts again. Just when you think the emails are all caught up, you get five more.

What it really comes down to is priorities and finding balance. For example, I love Twitter. I have found a wealth of writing resources and information and even inspiration there. But sometimes I see all these writers posting there on a very regular basis and I wonder “When do they write?” “How do they get it all done?” “Who is cleaning their bathrooms??” True balance eludes me. There are books and courses on the subject. There are people who profess to have found it. It's something I crave in my life. I don’t mean the ability to be all things to all people with myself on the bottom of that list. I've been there, done that and it isn’t working. I mean balancing those things I MUST do with the things I deeply WANT to do, like writing, reading, photography and continuing to get more physically fit with a little technology tossed in (like Twitter, Facebook, t.v., etc) when time allows…REALLY allows.

So I have an idea. Summer is almost upon us. The kids have about 15 days left of school. Summer is what I call “forced relaxation”. The chores are still there and the internet is still there and all the other distractions of life, but so are my three kids. And I want to enjoy them, so suddenly those other things begin to take a back burner. What I really need to do is adopt that philosophy when school is in session, too. My kids are my priorities and during the school year, writing and photography and physical fitness need to be my priorities during those school hours…not chores and technological distractions. I can’t reach my goals and dreams by continuing to put them last on the list “after everything else is done”.

I’m going to use this summer as a mental shift. Everybody will help with chores (something they already do, but not enough in my opinion) and computer time will be limited (for everyone) so that the majority of our days can be spent doing things we love. We’ve already limited our extra-curricular activities this summer to a minimal amount so that we don’t spend our days running from place to place. We won’t ignore the things that need to be done, but we will push aside the things that don’t so the priorities that bring us joy aren’t lost in the shuffle. With any luck, three months of changing that mindset will help to put new habits in place that will continue into the fall and winter and I will be that much closer to finding that sought-after balance.

What do you do to achieve balance in your life and how do you overcome the struggles? I would love your feedback in the comments.

It's All About the 'Tude

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Fri, 15 May 2009 20:11:00 +0000

Gratitude, that is. I'm going to start a new weekly feature on my blog every Friday to reflect on the things that made me grateful and/or happy during the week. I'm a strong believer in gratitude and taking time to recognize those things we are grateful for on a regular basis. Gratitude looks different to everyone and might be recognized through writing in a journal, meditation, blogging, creating something, prayer, thinking about what you're grateful for while driving in the car or taking a shower or any number of other ways. The important thing isn't how you express your gratitude but just simply that you do.

In our busy lives, it can be so easy to focus on complaints, annoyances and frustrations and while venting can be therapeutic at times (believe me, sometimes it works for me!), I always feel better when I take a deep breath and tell myself some of the things I am blessed to have in my life. So without further ado, here are some things I'm grateful for this week:

:: A husband who can build or fix anything and made me these amazing raised garden beds for Mother's Day

:: Three healthy children who helped me plant vegetables in those garden beds, dressed in special clothes and lit candles for a wonderful Mother's Day dinner and give the world's best hugs

:: A good book that can keep my interest while I work out on the elliptical machine for an hour

:: A cavity-free dental check-up for all three kids

:: A daughter who is confident and comfortable in her new glasses

:: The variety of birds that visit our feeder throughout the day and a special visit from a Baltimore oriole this week (a bird we rarely see at our house). I'll never forget a day last summer when I was talking about one and Theo (then 6) thought I said "Valdemort Oreo". Sounds like a new Harry Potter product to me!

:: The bike path that runs past the back of our house and gets a lot of use by our family.

:: My health and the health of my family. This week we found out that Steve's uncle (age 59) has terminal cancer and those kinds of discoveries just make you want to appreciate every single day with your loved ones.

:: The lush greenery now filling in the woods in our backyard and the flowering trees I see everywhere I go.

:: A visit to Barnes and Noble all by myself, albeit a brief one this week.

:: Hugs from Theo's classmates when I come in to help his teacher.

:: The sound of the ice cream truck on a warm spring afternoon

:: Caroline's sense of humor and creativity while performing with some of her fellow students in a special talented and gifted presentation on Monday

:: Listening to Annie play her clarinet so beautifully and the wonderful comments from her band teacher when I helped at her school this week

:: The joy and enthusiasm from my children when they find out my younger sister, Wendy, is coming for a visit. Wendy has special needs but they just see her as their friend and playmate. If only Wendy knew the impact she has had on so many people by teaching them about love and acceptance through her pure heart and trusting soul.

What are you grateful for this week? I'd love to hear from you in the comments.

I Think I Need the Force

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Sat, 02 May 2009 01:09:00 +0000

Picture this: I'm sitting at the desk, brainstorming ideas for some writing I was planning to do. Theo approaches and begins lining up his Star Wars action figures along the edge of the desk. (I'm not too alarmed at this point because he likes to play with his action figures beside me and ask to me watch things he's doing from time to time if I'm working at the computer.) Suddenly, his FATHER...yes, my HUSBAND...grabs the Nerf ball gun and begins shooting down the guys, hitting me repeatedly in the process. Theo thinks this is hysterical and he grabs his Star Wars clone trooper gun, armed with a foam dart, and shoots down some of the action figures as well. They both erupt in a fit of laughter as I protest these impossible working conditions. They do this again and AGAIN. Aim, shoot the action figures, shoot Mom a few times in the process, repeat. I ask you...how am I supposed to accomplish anything in these impossible working conditions? Only the force could've helped me tonight. My only defense was to grab my camera and record the evidence. They are so lucky they're cute.

Our Latest Family Obsessions

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:25:00 +0000

We have two new obsessions in our household and they are both compliments of the Easter Bunny. Isn't it amazing how the Easter Bunny (and Santa Claus, for that matter) always seem to know what we might like? ;)

One of the new interests around here is a book called Skeleton Creek by Patrick Carman. Skeleton Creek has a new twist that I imagine will be taking off rapidly in the near future, combining a written story with an online video component. It's a suspense story about two young teens who encounter some strange things happening in their town and are determined to solve the mystery. When Ryan has a mysterious accident, he becomes housebound and begins writing a journal while Sarah begins videotaping things for Ryan to see. At various points in the book, readers are sent to a website to watch one of Sarah's videos. Annie got this book in her Easter basket and finished it that day. She couldn't put it down. Caroline became intrigued and read the book next. Now that she's finished it, Steve has started it. See what I mean? A family obsession! I doubt I'll be reading it anytime soon...too many books on my "to read" list already. But I've really enjoyed watching all of them get into this book and share their enthusiasm with each other. (This book is recommended for grades 5-8) If you're interested in seeing the book on Amazon, click here. Here's a photo of the girls watching the last video together after Caroline finished the book. As you can see by their expressions, the video is quite exciting, suspenseful and a little bit spooky!

Our other recent obsession is a game that Caroline received in her Easter basket. The game is called Bananagrams and it is completely addictive! It's a lot like Scrabble, but instead of waiting for each person to take a turn, everyone plays with their own set of letters simultaneously. A round can be played in as little as 10-15 minutes. Up to 8 people can play at once. It comes in a portable pouch. What's not to love, right? The best part, though, is that it requires thought and it's interactive. The kids are building their vocabularies and practicing their spelling skills. We ALL love this game and it seriously has not been put away in well over a week. The tiles are just sitting off to the side on the kitchen table, ready for anyone to start a quick game. We've played every day for the past week or so, all of us together, a few of us at a time and even just me and Steve after the kids go to bed! We highly recommend it!! Can you tell? Want to read more about it? Click here.

That Easter Bunny sure is smart.

My Little Corner of the Earth

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 02:05:00 +0000

I love it when the sun shines on Earth Day. It just seems to make sense. It's so much easier to take in the beauty and magic of our planet on a clear day. Today I took a brief break from household chores to go for a walk on the biking and walking path behind our house. I brought along my camera and a large garbage bag which I quickly filled with various debris found along the way. Every spring, there seems to be more trash along the path, most likely items that blew there during a cold, windy winter. I'm sure some of the items were absently tossed aside by passersby, but I like to believe that anyone who would utilize a beautiful walking and biking path would also want to take care of it. Naive, I admit, but I hope it's at least true of MOST of the people who use this path on a regular basis.

I didn't have much time to linger today, but here are a few images I took that represent my little corner of the planet on this Earth Day (including a couple of the items I cleaned up along the way). I hope you found an opportunity to honor the planet, and take in the beauty of it, as well.

This Blog Post Brought to you by Spring

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 01:12:00 +0000

Dare I say it? I think spring is officially here. I'm not naive enough to think there won't be a chilly day here and there (and there and there). After all, Wisconsin is known for its' sometimes unpredictable weather. But today was perfection as far as I'm concerned. About 75 degrees, sunny, a perfectly blue sky. I love the change of seasons here and I can find things to like about all of them, but this winter dragged on much longer than anyone would have liked.

The kids have been on spring break for a week and with the exception of a day or so, it has been a great one. We've done plenty of biking, rollerblading and playing outside in the fresh air. I've been able to open the windows and air out the house. Yesterday, I dried our sheets on the clothesline for the first time this year and fell asleep with a smile on my face. After all, is there any smell better than sheets dried on the line? The buds are appearing on the trees, the crocuses and daffodils are awakening and things are starting to turn green. I love watching everything come alive this time of year and I think I would really miss it if I lived somewhere that was warm year round.

Much of today was spent outside with Theo and my friend's two kids whom I was watching for the day. The kids colored with sidewalk chalk, jumped on the trampoline, played in the tree house, played basketball and we all enjoyed a two-mile bike ride. I couldn't resist keeping my camera close by during our activities today, eager to capture my favorite signs of spring. Here are a few I'd like to share with you. Enjoy...and cherish the arrival of spring.

Theo's Star Wars Birthday Party - One to Remember

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:14:00 +0000

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Drawing Out Our Family Creativity

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:43:00 +0000

I am worn down by a miserable cold at the moment, but I thought a little writing might help me out of my funk and I've been anxious to share one of our new favorite family activities.

Last year, we discovered a wonderful idea in one of my favorite new books, The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule. That original idea was family drawing time, in which we would put an object on the table (or just name an object) and everyone would draw their version of it. After about 10 minutes of drawing, we would each share what we made. I loved seeing everyone's unique perspective on a particular object and I especially loved all the positive feedback we gave each other. The kids became quite good at mentioning specific aspects they liked about each person's drawing rather than just a generic "That's really good" kind of comment. And I discovered something I hadn't realized about my husband prior to this new family activity. He's really quite good at drawing.

While all of us seemed to enjoy family drawing time, I felt like it wasn't quite clicking as much for me and the girls. Although I enjoyed exploring new areas of creativity in the safe setting of our family kitchen table, I've never been a big fan of drawing. I typically prefer capturing images from behind a camera or capturing a moment with the written word. Annie and Caroline have a passion for writing as well. Rather than see this once enjoyable activity fall by the wayside due to lack of enthusiasm, we decided to put a new spin on the original idea.

Our new version works like this: We pick two random words and Steve and Theo have to draw them while the girls and I write stories that incorporate those two words in some way. Some of our word combinations have included "car and monkey", "balloon and sailboat" and "bus and thunderstorm". We generally stick to a time limit of 10-15 minutes and it is amazing what happens in that brief period of time. Everyone is silently working near each other and you can almost feel the creative energy in the room. Smiles appear and even the ocassional squeal of delight when one of the girls gets an idea they particularly love, but for the most part everyone is very focused and "in the moment". There is no talking, no t.v., no one making light saber noises or complaining that someone is poking them. There is just togetherness and creativity and inspiration.

When everyone is done, we share the drawings and the stories and each time I am in awe of what my family creates. I continue to be impressed by Steve's drawings and Theo is so creative and adds so much detail to his pictures. The girls write stories that are unique and inspired and descriptive and always leave me wanting more. And I am happy, because I don't have to ask my children to "please be quiet" while I finish a thought because we are all finishing our thoughts and expressing ourselves at the same time. I'm getting writing practice time and doing what I love and I'm watching my family do something they love as well. When it comes to being in my "happy place", it doesn't get much better than that.

As They Age, It Keeps Me Young

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 16:45:00 +0000

My youngest child, Theo, turned seven this week. It was a fun-filled celebration, with a large family party the weekend before and a smaller celebration with our immediate family on the big day itself. Of course, we are at different ends of the spectrum right now, Theo rejoicing in each birthday and already looking forward to the next while I find myself in shock sometimes over the fact that I am actually forty. I can remember a time not so long ago when 40 seemed ANCIENT. Let me tell you, it's not feeling so ancient right now.

The recent death of actress Natasha Richardson really had an impact on me. After all, she was 45, only five years older than me. That is barely a measurable difference anymore. She had children similar ages as my older two girls. She had a loving husband, family and friends. She may have been a celebrity, but she wasn't so different from me and her sudden death was a shock. It's a reminder that none of us know how much time we have left and every day is so precious and meaningful.

As I reflected on Theo's birthday, I realized that my children are a big part of what keeps me feeling young. Some might argue that children can be exhausting and there is probably some scientific study out there showing that parents get grey hair faster than adults without children. However, I find that when you have children, you don't have time to feel old. There are people to feed, clothe and educate. There are sporting events and performances to attend, questions to ponder (and try to answer) and whole worlds to explore right in your own backyard. If I didn't have children, would I play in a puddle? Would I stop to watch a ladybug crawling across a flower or try riding a skateboard or indoor rock climbing for the first time? Would I play board games and sing silly songs and bake cupcakes? I might, but it's certainly less likely. Having children has taught me to appreciate the little things in life again, those things I loved as a child and started to forget about until I started seeing them again through three new pairs of eyes.

I know several people who don't have children and have managed to maintain that youthful zest for life, but I'm not sure that would be me. I believe some of us really need these little people around to keep the spark there, that little reminder that you only get one chance to live a full, adventurous and meaningful life.

As I bestow life lessons on my children, I am reminded of those lessons myself. There's no better incentive to be the best person you can be than the fact that your children are watching you all the time and looking to you for guidance. How can I teach them to be physically active if they see me lying on the couch for hours on end? How can I help them overcome a fear if I stand on the sidelines myself? Being a parent, if you're doing the best you can, keeps you constantly on your toes.

So at the end of the day, when I just want to put my feet up and do nothing while watching Grey's Anatomy, I know the exhaustion can't last long. In ten hours, I'll have to get up and do it all again and I'd much rather say "The heck with being 40. Let's go on an adventure today!" than sit on the couch feeling old any day.

Yes, I think my children's birthdays are a great time to reflect on how thankful I am for this opportunity, for another year of not only watching them grow but of growing along with them.

The Year of Turning Forty

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 17:03:00 +0000

(This photo was taken last weekend, but I'm pretty sure I'll still look like this tomorrow)

I figured a milestone of this magnitude pretty much demanded a blog post. Yes, today is the last official day that I can say I am in my 30's. Tomorrow is the big day...the big 4-0. (Insert your over-the-hill jokes here. I can take it.)

There are many thoughts rolling around in the cobwebs of my brain on this occasion. I've heard all the phrases people tell themselves and others to feel better about such an event. "It's only a number." "You're only as old as you feel." You've heard them all, too, I'm sure. So I figure I have two options. I can scoff at those people trying to cheer me up or I can embrace those ideas and take them to heart. I've chosen the latter option.

I actually had a much harder time with turning 39. I think the pressure of knowing that in just one more year my thirties would be over was a bit overwhelming. I dreaded the next birthday for months. I suddenly felt the pressure to buy special face creams and every time I walked into a room and couldn't remember what I went in there for, I thought "Oh no, this is it. I'm losing my memory." I truly felt like my next birthday was a black cloud looming overhead and I wanted to duck for cover.

And then it hit me. This is ridiculous. I have friends and family members who didn’t have their first child until they were forty! Physically, I work out almost every single day and I feel better than I have in years. Most days, despite three children who occasionally seem to conspire to suck the life out of me, I have plenty of energy. I know a lot of the current popular music (with a little help from those three aforementioned children, who most days bring me tremendous joy and insist that I not act like a dorky mom). I’ve reconnected with a lot of old friends recently, many of whom graduated from high school with me and also have this birthday coming up (if they haven’t had it already) and I’m not alone in this new phase of my life. I have a lot of dreams and goals for the future, from getting some of my writing published to traveling to other parts of the world with my wonderful husband, and much to look forward to in the years ahead. My children are quite independent, with Theo turning 7 next month and the girls turning 11 and 13 this year, and we are able to do so many fun and adventurous things together as a family. What do you know about that? Forty really is just a number. That black cloud isn’t going to just suddenly appear over my bed tomorrow morning when I wake up.

I also see this birthday as an opportunity to reflect on what has come before. I am proud of what I’ve accomplished in my life over the past forty years. It hasn’t all been smooth sailing and I’m proud of the obstacles I’ve overcome to get to this point. I brought three children into this world that are such a blessing and that I believe will accomplish great things in their own lives. I hope I made a difference to many children with special needs and their families during my years as a teacher. I’ve tried to be a good daughter, mother, wife, sister and friend. I’m far from perfect, but I think I’ve always done the best I could and it feels great to look back and be able to say that.

There is one bit of sadness I still have about this birthday. I wish my mom were here, of course. I never imagined I would turn 40 without my mom here to celebrate with me. Forty just seems way too young to be without her. But I still feel her around me in so many ways and I know she would want me to be happy and to celebrate. I know she would have words of wisdom and advice about enjoying every moment, being true to myself and looking forward to the years ahead with great anticipation. My mom was a homebody who adored her family but she also had an adventurous spirit, trying new things along the way, traveling, and keeping an open mind. She taught me well and I like to think I’ve embraced many of those positive qualities. All I can do is hope that she would be proud of the woman I am today, inspired so much by the mother who raised me and nurtured me and was there for me for almost 37 years.

So yes, forty is just a number. I feel inspired to reach new goals this year in honor of the occasion. I have wonderful family and friends who will help me celebrate. And when I wake up on Monday to head to the gym and I have to enter my age as “40” on the elliptical machine, I promise I won’t start to cry. A moment of hesitation, perhaps, but I won’t cry.

Finding the Beauty

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 19:53:00 +0000

Snowy Leaf
Originally uploaded by momofthreewi

Those of us who live in climates where winter means snow and ice and cold temperatures tend to complain and become frustrated. After all, it's easy to feel trapped inside your house, to long for the sunshine that is less frequent and the freedom to leave the house unencumbered by hats and gloves and bulky jackets. In the past few days, we racked up an impressive 15-16 inches of snow at our house with another 2-5 inches expected tonight. You start to feel like it's some sort of cosmic joke designed to test our patience and resilience.

However, after living here my entire life, I recognize that it's out of my control. It's a part of life in the Midwest and truthfully, most of the time, it's a part that I welcome. There's something about winter that I need. We have more time to connect as a family as we do more indoor activities together. The pace slows a little. We light fires and eat soup and the snow becomes a playground for climbing and jumping and sledding and making snowmen. One of my favorite things is having my whole family inside together with nowhere to go -- playing games, drawing, reading, baking -- while we watch the snow fall outside our windows. Of course I take great joy in watching the kids run through the backyard in shorts and t-shirts and splash in the pool during the summer, but I like the peacefulness that seems to come with winter, too. I love the change of seasons. I don't think I'll ever live in a place that doesn't have that, albeit less extreme as I get older, perhaps.

This morning as I returned home from the gym, I was struck by the beauty of what occurred during the night. Many of the bare trees looked as though they had been painted white. Tiny snowflakes were clinging to the branches and it created a stunning scene. It didn't happen everywhere. It certainly didn't look like that in my neighborhood. So I grabbed my camera and went back out to a nearby park where I captured some images of this beauty. I knew it wouldn't last. Not every snowfall looks like this. As I stood alone in that park, snow almost to my knees in some places as I moved in for some closer shots, it truly felt like a winter wonderland. It was just me and my camera surrounded by the snow and the silence. It was so peaceful and beautiful and I once again found the beauty in winter.

Everything Old is New Again

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:21:00 +0000

Farewell 2008 and hello to a fresh new year! I don't want to get all corny and cliche' here, but I think most of us look at a new year as a bit of a fresh start. Only the most jaded and cynical among us can't find at least some tiny glimmer of hope in the arrival of a new year. Whether it's a chance to right old wrongs, an opportunity to tackle a new goal or the perfect time to conquer a fear or learn a new skill, it just starts to feel like those old excuses are just that -- old. Really, when you get right down to it, all those excuses you've been using are so last year. This is 2009! We don't have any baggage yet from this year. Why not leave it all behind? Who says you have to usher that into the new year with you? Like putting away the holiday decorations, I think it's time for me to put away my petty complaints, my sorry excuses for why I didn't accomplish certain things, any bad/sad/mad feelings I may be harboring and just wipe the slate clean.

There's something about 2009 that just seems to be full of promise for me. I've been feeling that way for a while and recently I read my horoscope in three different places that all said the same thing - 2009 is going to be your year, a joyful year. Whether you believe in that or not, I've certainly heard of worse philosophies to adopt! If the planets are in favor of my having a great year, who am I to object?

2008 was a fairly uneventful year for me. I found myself laying low, doing a lot of thinking and reflecting. There was dreaming and scheming, but not a lot of action. Around September, I decided it was time to stop feeling bad about that and just accept that I was in a planning year, not a doing year. I gave myself permission to take things slow and find my way and there was always this sense that January was going to be a fresh start for me in many ways - not just a new year, but a new philosophy, new goals, a new mission.

I'm sure it helped that I will turn 40 in February. At first, there was the inevitable sense of foreboding and dread. But I let go of that and decided to embrace the milestone instead. There is so much I want to accomplish and what better time than the start of a new decade in my life? I've decided the best way to welcome it is with open arms.

So enough about what was and how I got here. Without further ado, I give you my hopes and dreams (some of them quite ambitious) for 2009, the year I'll turn 40, the year I feel will be joyful and full of accomplishment.

-Get in the best shape I've been in since college. This includes regular exercise, eating right, keeping stress at bay and putting myself higher on my priority list.

-Travel somewhere wonderful with Steve for our 40th birthdays (his is in September). Have regular "dates" with him throughout the year, too. I am blessed with a strong marriage and I don't ever want to take that for granted.

-Write, write, write. Maintain my recently neglected blog, journal regularly, pursue freelance opportunities, dabble in fiction again. Stop putting it off (perhaps out of fear of the unknown??) and get going!

-Continue to reconnect with old friends and further strengthen existing friendships. Make time for myself and for friends as important as time for family (because it is if I hope to have a well-balanced life).

-Stay connected to my daughters during these pre-teen and teen years (they turn 11 and 13 this year). Find that incredibly important (yet always challenging) balance between being a protector, a guiding influence and a sounding board.

-Keep my cool under pressure and make a peaceful existence a priority in my daily life. Limit situations that will likely lead to stress whenever possible.

-Fill my time with activities that have meaning for me and/or relate to my passions (writing, photography, being out in nature, biking, spending time with the people I love) and minimize activities that drain my energy or stifle my passions. Those things I must do (like cleaning, laundry, etc) need to be done quickly and efficiently so I can get on to the things that fill me up emotionally and mentally.

-Don't sweat the small stuff.

-Post these goals and read them often.

As we like to say to Theo, "That's the plan, Stan!" Lofty goals, perhaps, but nothing great is ever accomplished by aiming low.

What are your dreams for 2009?

A Thousand I Love You's

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:45:00 +0000

Theo (while I was helping him dry off after a bath): Mom, if I could I would tell you "I love you" a thousand times.

Me: Really? Why?

Theo: Because I just love you so, so much.

As he climbed into my lap for a big hug, all I could think of was how very blessed I am and how much I love the fact that little boys can be just as sweet, loving and snuggly as little girls. I wonder if he has any idea how one little conversation like this can have me wrapped around his little finger. I'll never tell. :)

A Little Boy's Love Gets Me Through the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:49:00 +0000

Today would've been my Mom's 75th birthday. Sadly, we lost her to diabetes three years ago and she wasn't able to celebrate what should've been a milestone event in her life. These days are so hard for me. Mother's Day, the day she passed away, her birthday. I think about her so much, on any given day, but these certain days still hurt the most. How do you ever get over losing someone that meant the world to you? How do you shrink the gaping hole left by their absence?

Today I knew staying inside wasn't the answer. Something about fresh air and being in the midst of nature always helps me on days like this. The weather forecast called for rain so after breakfast I asked Theo if he would go for a bike ride with me before the rain arrived. He readily agreed, never turning down a chance to ride his bike. I threw my camera and my journal in a pack and we headed out.

We stopped a few times along the way to observe the signs of fall and there were many. Theo especially loved the milkweed pods and the clusters of "helicopter seeds" hanging from the trees.

As we journeyed down the bike path, we passed a path leading to a corn field and we decided to check it out. Theo had never walked through a corn field before and he was amazed to discover the corn was three times his height. It doesn't look that tall riding past it in the car!

He collected several rocks he found amidst the stalks (a thrill because they are studying rocks in his class right now). We spent quite a bit of time just exploring the corn field, discovering dried up ears that had served as a snack for a wandering animal, peeking at each other between rows, amazed at the perfect lines of corn stalks that seemed to go on for miles.

When our curiosity about the corn field was satisfied, we got back on our bikes and continued on to the playground. We whispered to each other in the little "talking tubes" on opposite ends of the play structure and Theo showed me his tricks on the fire pole and monkey bars. He peeked at me through a hole in the tube, making his famous silly faces and hamming it up for the camera.

After we'd played for a while, I told Theo I was going to write in my journal for a few minutes while he played. He was content to explore on his own for a while, having the whole playground to himself, while I sat nearby to write. Within a few minutes, though, he came over and said "What are you writing, Mom?"

"I'm writing about Grammy. Today's her birthday and I miss her."

He sat down beside me and put his arm around me. "Will you read it to me?"

I paraphrased for him, not wanting to share every detail. When I was finished, he climbed up on my lap and gave me a hug. Tears streamed down my face as I told him how much Grammy loved him and reminded him of the times she read to him, sang songs to him, picked berries with him. I told him how proud she would be of his amazing reading and spelling skills and that she was an excellent speller and loved to read, too. I told him she would be so happy to see that he is such a loving little boy and that she would have delighted in all of his funny jokes and stories.

He looked up at my face and said "I think we should go home now, Mom, so you can spend some time with Daddy." He hugged me again, took my hand and said "Come on, Mom." My thoughtful, sensitive, loving little boy.

As we rode back toward home, he said "That was a great bike ride. We saw a lot of nature and I love nature."

His love and his ability to enjoy the simple things is enough to get me through even the worst day. I was blessed with an amazing mother and she would be so delighted with this little boy that she only knew for a few short years. And now he and his sisters, who all remind me of her in little ways, are the blessings of my present and my future.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you and I miss you more than I can express.

A Rebel and a Reader

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:31:00 +0000

Well, I did it...I put a political sign in my yard, my first ever, and the world didn't come to an end. Yes, I am now proudly displaying an Obama sign in my yard for anyone to see. This is a fairly big step for me. I've never been one to verbalize my political beliefs all that much, much less display them in front of my house. If I'm being perfectly honest, my friend Maria is actually the one that put it there. She brought it over on Saturday (at my request) and before she even rang the doorbell she had that thing in the ground. Had she brought it to the door with her first, it might still be sitting in the kitchen, staring at me and daring me to put it outside. I know we have several neighbors who are more conservative and probably aren't supporting Obama and I've never been one to ruffle feathers or invite potential conflict into my life so why start now, right? I guess that's just an indication of how strongly I feel that Obama is the right candidate to lead us into the future. If you don't agree, I completely respect your right to your opinion and all I can ask is that others respect mine as well. Now that the sign has been there for a few days, and the world is still spinning as before, it feels really good to see it sitting there when I back out of the driveway.

I would gladly tell anyone who asked me which candidate I'm supporting, but have you noticed that people seldom ask? Politics is a can of worms that very few people want to open, myself included if I'm being fair. After all, who wants to spoil a perfectly lovely dinner with friends or a large family gathering with that potentially dangerous topic. What if we don't all agree and some people can't play nicely? Sometimes it just doesn't seem worth going there, even though I'm practically bursting with curiousity to find out who my friends support and to talk about the issues affecting our country. I don't need them all to agree with me. I believe one of the things that makes this the best country in the world is democracy, our ability to vote and know that it matters. What matters most to me is that everyone exercise their right to VOTE, a right that people in some parts of the world want so desperately that they are willing to die for it. What would those people think if they knew that some Americans sit on their couch on election day and don't even bother to cast their vote, that they just let the political process happen around them. Sure, your candidate might not win. Yes, the whole campaign process can become disheartening at times. But that wouldn't stop me from reviewing the issues and voting for the person I think best represents me and can best lead our country. Phew...I think that sign out there in my lawn is empowering me a little! ;)

And now onto the "reader" part of my blog subject. I am just so very proud of Theo that I could burst. Like most six-year-old boys, he loves to ride bikes and play football and baseball and get dirty and build with Legos. But this little boy also loves to READ and he is SO good at it! I just delight in listening to him read and zip through words like "generals", "adventure", "dangerous" and "special" with barely a hesitation, even the first time he sees them. Yesterday, I gave him a book based on the Clone Wars movie and he was so excited. He started reading it this morning and asked if he could take it to school and read it on the bus. When he got on the bus this morning, he was on page 5. When he got home, he was on page 28, with three pages to go before finishing the book. He told me he read it to and from school on the bus and also for a few minutes during his first recess! When he walked in the door today, he sat down on the bench in our laundry room, shoes and backpack still on, and continued to read because he wanted to finish the page he was on. My heart melted and with the camera in that room, I was able to sneak a picture. I couldn't be prouder of the well-rounded little boy he's growing into and I know very well that his love of reading will serve him well throughout his life in so many ways. What more could a mother want?

A Theo Story for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:52:00 +0000

This morning I had the Today show on while Theo was getting dressed for school. Meredith Veira was interviewing the governor of Pennsylvania about the election and specifically about Barack Obama. During the interview, the governor mentioned that Obama is very smart and funny. Theo picked up on this and said "I'm smart and funny!" I said, "Wow, are they talking about YOU on that show?" His response? Without missing a beat...

"Apparently."

Man, I love that kid.

Our Week in Review

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly K.) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 01:47:00 +0000

We are officially back into the swing of things around here now that we have two weeks of the new school year under our belts. All is well with the kids. They like their teachers, all three have made new friends and Annie, going through the biggest change this year as she navigates the new world of middle school, is truly in her element. She really loves it. And as her mom, I am breathing a sigh of relief that all seems to be well in pre-teen land.

After a busy, often on-the-go, kids-getting-on-each-other's-nerves-by-the-end-of-it summer, I am enjoying a little peace and quiet around the house. I've gotten back to the health club, caught up on some neglected projects around the house and had a little uninterrupted time for myself, something that was almost non-existent the entire summer.

Right after school started, Steve and I headed to Florida for my niece's wedding at Disney World. It was a lovely wedding and a fun reception and Steve and I enjoyed the brief getaway by ourselves as we decided not to bring the kids (due to cost, missing two days of school so early in the year and the fact that we had taken them to Disney World a year earlier). Because of that time away, though, it's taken a little time to get settled into the school routine. This week has finally started to feel like a "normal" week around here and I am truly grateful for that. Yet, like almost any week around here, "normal" is a relative term. I went on an all-day field trip with Caroline and the fifth grade classes, signed up to volunteer at the local Obama office, had lunch with some friends and cleaned my closet. We celebrated Steve's birthday, rescued and then freed a baby snapping turtle, joined 4-H and a multitude of other comings and goings. I said "normal" was a relative term, right?

Here are a few of those highlights in pictures:

Caroline holding a corn snake while on the fifth grade field trip:

I had never heard of a sugar glider before and perhaps you haven't, either. We met this little guy on the field trip as well:

Annie rescued this baby snapping turtle from the road on her way home from the bus stop. After many pleas to keep him, we finally convinced the kids he would be happier in the wild and we set him free in the river. Before that, though, we watched him swim around in this bowl:

Steve trying on the new jacket I bought him for his birthday:

Theo decided he wanted to be one of Daddy's birthday presents:

One of the best highlights of my week, though, had to be a moment I shared with Theo. Last night, he and I read a book together while Steve was downstairs completely engrossed in the Ferrari game we had just given him for the Wii. After we finished reading, I said to Theo "Let's just snuggle for a few minutes before you brush your teeth and go to bed". We both fell asleep. Like deep, see you in the morning asleep. About 30 minutes later, Steve finally realized we'd been up there for a while and came up to see why Theo hadn't called him up for goodnight kisses and found us sound asleep with our arms around each other. He quickly grabbed the camera to capture the moment and I am so grateful for that because I am the one who takes 99% of the pictures around here. When I saw the pictures he took before he woke us up, my heart melted. His little arm around me, snuggled up nice and close...well, these moments don't happen very much anymore. He's six years old, with ideas and stories and plans, and it's rare that he gives in to relaxation so much that he gets silent, much less falls asleep. Not when there's someone there who will listen to his stories and dream big dreams with him. Not when he has an audience. But in this moment, he got quiet...quickly...and gave in to the sleepy, mellow moment with his mom. I'll take every moment like that I can get.