“Ah, beer.  The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson

You’ve been granted a six-pack of beers – gratis – one per solution.  Your assignment: to generate six ways in which you think college football can and would be better than it is today.

Simple as that?

Not so fast… there are three stipulations:

One: It doesn’t have to be a rule on the field – it can be anything – anything at all.

Two: This is a BIG one…ONE of your choices CANNOT BE A PLAYOFF SYSTEM – because that’s what every college football nut wants.

Three: Try to keep a clear mind and oh yeah… let’s not go hoppin’ in any automobiles after all of these suds puppies, comprende?

Ready?  Do you have the ‘suds’ to come up with a list?  I do…

6 College Football Rule Changes That Should Be Made

[Hiss-Pop!]

Beer #1: A Few Quick Rule ‘Tweak-ifications’

I mostly have positive feelings on the way the college game is being played.  For example, the college game’s overtime rules run circles around the NFL.  If you’re not with me there, then go flip a coin.

Yet, there are a few changes that I would make – a few ‘tweak-ifications’ if you will.  I’ll quickly touch on three: pass interference, ‘down when down’ and excessive celebration.

To explain: that damn 15 yard penalty on pass interference – this should be a spot foul.  If a guy is clearly beat on a deep play, then why not mug him?  It’s ridiculous.  Then there’s the “down when down” rule – c’mon, a slip in the open field and the play is over?  Finally, there’s the excessive celebration rule – which needs to be tweaked, especially since it’s causing teams victories.  This one is a blog upon itself – and a rule that hardly leaves me jumping out of my seat.

[Down the Hatch!]

Beer #2: Give All Preseason Rankings ‘The Ax’

Listen, prognosticators can rank teams until they’re blue in the face.  Go ahead, let Lou Holtz put Notre Dame #1 from 2010 through 2015 – that’s fine.  Let’s just not make these polls official until month two – because it causes too much illegitimate variation.  Teams that are “great on paper” wind up sticking around, even though they should be falling into the toilet – like Mike Leach’s career – and that’s not fair.

Let’s instead pick a date – say the weekend where most teams are beginning to move into conference play – and start up the official polls then, based on how each team performed non-conference, weighing in the quality of their opponents, margin of victory and so on.

[Third one down, pass it around…]

Beer #3: Eliminate the “Field of Nightmares”

What’s the most important thing to you when you turn on a college football game?  Besides winning, of course?  I’ll answer that for you – it’s the quality of play and the safety of the players.

This is where I get blown away by how much the moneymakers in all this mess are milking the use of college football stadiums these days.  There’s no better example than what happened in Orlando (Florida Citrus Bowl Stadium) during the end of last season.

It was a joke – the place was way overused.  First, you had a series of high school championships played there, followed by bowl games – yes, that’s plural.  With Wisconsin and Miami playing, then Penn State and LSU on the field a few days later – you saw a completely trashed playing surface and a series of unfortunate injuries by a number of players – not to mention slow and sloppy play.

The NCAA needs to slap this concept on the wrist, and soon.

[Crack…glug…glug…glug…]

Beer #4: The Transfer Process Needs A Transformation

While I don’t have exact stats for the number of approved school transfer cases – I do know the percentage is minuscule.  We’re talking tiny – like Michigan’s conference win total these days.

Here’s the deal: a kid commits to a school, a program and a way of life.  Often, they sign into a situation that fits the way they play, the way they live and so on.  Once a regime changes, often that can completely do a 180 on a guy – and the kid should have the option to transfer to another school (in these specific conditions) without adhering a one-year penalty.  Bear in mind, I realize there’s a fine line here and people can’t just randomly change their minds – or “pull a Florida” – cough Urban Meyer cough Billy Donovan.

There should be more cases granted – and I’d like to see changes going forward, instead of having all these talents move on to FCS schools that we never see on television.

[Pass me some more frothy goodness, would ya?]

Beer #5: Someone Please Blow the Whistle On The Review Process

The review process has gotten out of hand.  There needs to be more structure.  In some games, there are far too many reviews – and while I get an officiating crew wanting to put out a drama–free product, there needs to be some human review still intact.

We need to instill some kind of structured limitation on reviews.  With every play potenteially subject to booth review, it becomes “Snoresville” for the fans.  Put a cap on reviews – give some power back to the officials.

[Hiss-Pop!]

Beer #6: Split Screen TV – Regional Equality = Countrywide Knowledge

What’s the biggest complaint by many?

Exposure!

Your team isn’t on TV here, or this team doesn’t get enough respect in the polls.  It isn’t an easy problem to solve, because TV ratings are important to the game, and therefore, regional networks will only put the local teams on the big screen.

Here’s an option: two additional split screen channels on a national sports network.  One with two games top and bottom – featuring the north and the south – a northern team (say Big Ten) and a southern team (say the SEC).  The other channel would feature an east (ACC) and west team (Pac-10).  Depending on where you are regionally, you could potentially satisfy the “red tape” by promoting a regional school, while also giving exposure to a team that many never see on TV.

The result is more exposure for the pollsters and more exposure for the fans – therefore equaling more widespread knowledge of the game.

OK, so it’ll probably never happen – but dammit, if it does, I want credit coming my way.

[That is…hiccup...that is…hiccup…all for today…]

Six changes – all as clear as JoePa’s vision.

Now it’s your turn.

** Note: In no way do I condone excessive drinking, specifically underage drinking.  However, I realize that college football and beer do tend to mix.  After all, my friend has the t-shirt (“A Drinking Town with a Football Problem”) to prove it.”*

Unless you’re living in a bubble – you’re aware that the 82^nd Annual Academy Awards are here – with Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin hosting this year’s event.

The Wife Hates Sports tackled the Oscars already with predictions on the major awards – and now it’s time for the sports spin – twisting and tying in the sports world over the last year or so, by creating its own list of “Sports Oscars”…

…And here they are – The Wife Hates Sports’ 2010 Sports Oscars:

The 2010 Sports Oscars

Best Supporting Actor

Best athlete in a supporting role – as in… putting on a great show, but often being ‘second fiddle’ to a superstar

The Nominees Are: Niklas Backstrom (Washington Capitals – supporting superstar Alex Ovechkin), Russell Westbrook (Oklahoma City Thunder – supporting superstar Kevin Durant), Michael Beasley (Miami Heat – supporting superstar Dwayne Wade) and Pierre Garcon (Indianapolis Colts – supporting superstar receivers Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark)

KP’s Winner: Niklas Backstrom (Washington Capitals) – Discussing the Capitals and Ovechkin come hand in hand, because after all, Ovie is the face of the franchise.  But people should get to know Backstrom, who is currently 5^th in the NHL in total points (77 – 26 goals, 51 assists).

Best Original Score

The most original score recently in sports – whether it’s a touchdown, a dunk, a goal, a hole-in-one, or whatever else.  It just has to be unique and something we don’t see often.

Due to the high volume of nominations, let’s just skip straight to this year’s winner (in an upset) – along with the clip of his feat:

KP’s Winner: Dwayne Wade’s dunk over Cleveland’s Anderson Varejao on a fast break (back in November of 2009).  Take a look for yourself:

Best Original Song

The top song that is frequently played in stadiums throughout the country

The Nominees Are: Let’s Get It Started (Black Eyed Peas), Enter Sandman (Metallica), Hells Bells (AC/DC), Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond) and Kernkraft 400 (Zombie Nation)

KP’s Winner: In an upset, I’m going with “Kernkraft 400”, not because it’s the best song in this list – but because it pumps up thousands upon thousands of people in football stadiums throughout the country.  Just hearing it makes me want to jump up and cheer for a big-time play.

Best Costume Design

Top outfit, as in uniform or attire worn by a player or coach in a sport

The Nominees Are: Rick Pitino (Louisville Basketball), Denver Broncos (Throwback Unis) and Bruce Pearl (Tennessee Basketball) – see below:

From left to right: Bruce Pearl, Brandon Marshall (Broncos) and Rick Pitino

KP’s Winner: Bruce Pearl (Tennessee) – Because nothing beats that neon orange – plus the fact that I have no clue where you can even find anything like that.  It’s like Jim Carrey’s getup from Dumb and Dumber.

Best Animated Feature

This award features the top recent animated action by a pleyer or coach – whether a dance, an argument, or whatever comes off as ‘animated’…

The Nominees Are: Seth Greenberg (Virginia Tech basketball), Rex Ryan (New York Jets), Buzz Williams (Marquette basketball) and Bill Lynch (Indiana football)

KP’s Winner: Buzz Williams – Hey, the Oscars often feature upsets featuring winners we’ve never heard of – and it’s possible a lot of people hadn’t seen this one – but it’s amusing.  The dunk was pretty ridiculous, too.

Best Director

Top directed performance through a coach in a sport

The Nominees Are: Sean Payton (New Orleans Saints), Randy Edsall (Connecticut football) and Joe Girardi (New York Yankees)

KP’s Winner: Randy Edsall (pictured – right) – There are plenty of reasons for this pick over a championship coach.  Not only has Coach Edsall built up a program at a school that was only known for basketball, but also he pushed a team to a bowl game and successful season, all after the death of a teammate.

Best Actor

Best athlete or top athlete in an acting peformance over recent memory

The Nominees Are: Charles Barkley (Taco Bell), Peyton Manning (Saturday Night Live) and Brett Favre (Sears)

KP’s Winner: Peyton Manning (Saturday Night Live) – for the video below:

Best Picture

The best overall picture painted by a team in the sports world over the last year

The Nominees Are: Los Angeles Lakers, New York Yankees, Team Canada Hockey, New Orleans Saints and Alabama Crimson Tide

KP’s Winner: New Orleans Saints (Super Bowl XLIV Champs) – It was a heck of a ride for the Drew Brees-led (see right) Saints this season – who upset the Colts, therefore bringing home the title to the city of New Orleans and leaving the country all with nothing to say but, “Who Dat?”

The Wife Hates Sports would like to welcome any additional awards and feedback that you may have – and as always, thanks… and enjoy the Oscars!

*All videos via YouTube

It’s time for another Caption Challenge here at The Wife Hates Sports – so put your creative hat on and start brainstorming some quoted goodness.

The college basketball season is heating up – and conference tournaments are underway, with a handful of bids to the big dance already punched.  Championship Week is upon us and Selection Sunday is only a week away.

Of course, this means that March Madness is just around the corner.

That takes us to this week’s unique snapshot – straight from the college hoops world.

As always, we encourage you to come up with the most creative, funny, or unique caption possible.

Have at it, friends!

Here at The Wife Hates Sports – we wouldn’t call ourselves movie-predicting masters, but we enjoy watching the Oscars nonetheless – and trying to predict the winners.

Yeah, this isn’t just a sports site – and in this case, here are our predictions for the major categories of the 82^nd Annual Academy Awards:

82^nd Annual Academy Awards: Oscar Predictions

Best Supporting Actress

The Nominees Are: Penelope Cruz (Nine), Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air), Maggie Gyllenhaal (Crazy Heart), Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air) and Mo’Nique (Precious)

KP’s Prediction: Mo’Nique (Precious)

The Wife’s Prediction: Mo’Nique (Precious)

Best Supporting Actor

The Nominees Are: Matt Damon (Invictus), Woody Harrelson (The Messenger), Christopher Plummer (The Last Station), Stanley Tucci (The Lovely Bones) and Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)

KP’s Prediction: Matt Damon (Invictus)

The Wife’s Prediction: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)

Best Animated Feature

The Nominees Are: Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Up, The Princess and the Frog and The Secret of Kells

KP’s Prediction: Up

The Wife’s Prediction: Up

Best Director

The Nominees Are: James Cameron (Avatar), Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker), Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds), Lee Daniels (Precious), Jason Reitman (Up in the Air)

KP’s Prediction: James Cameron (Avatar)

The Wife’s Prediction: James Cameron (Avatar)

Best Actress

The Nominees Are: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side), Helen Mirren (The Last Station), Carey Mulligan (An Education), Gabourey Sidibe (Precious), Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)

KP’s Prediction: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)

The Wife’s Prediction: Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)

Best Actor

The Nominees Are: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart), George Clooney (Up in the Air), Colin Firth (A Single Man), Morgan Freeman (Invictus), Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker)

KP’s Prediction: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)

The Wife’s Prediction: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)

Best Picture

The Nominees Are: Avatar, The Blind Side, District 9, An Education, The Hurt Locker, Up, Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire, A Serious Man, Inglourious Basterds, Up in the Air

KP’s Prediction: The Hurt Locker

The Wife’s Prediction: Avatar

Now that you’ve seen our predictions… what are yours?