the State of PATE

what i learned today (WILT): 1/10

2013-01-10T22:20:00.000-05:00

1) Morality binds and blinds
In his TedTalk, Jonathan Haidt describes how morality (principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong that inform our ideologies such as religious and political beliefs) binds people to like-minded communities, but can also blind people to contrary rationale and reason.

Bonus reading

Slightly academic but thorough review of Jonathan Haidt's book The Righteous Mind
Q&A on the Freakanomics blog with Jonathan Haidt

2) Justin Timberlake is a savvy marketer

3) Antebellum means pre-war (especially pre Civil war)

To whom it may concern

2013-01-08T16:37:00.000-05:00

I got this email from my wife this morning following a trip to Wal-mart…….you’ll soon realize that she really is my better half.

To all the people in the Kannapolis Wal-Mart between 10:00-11:00 this morning I would like to apologize for the following:

1) Being "that lady" with the obnoxiously loud cart but refuses to switch it out for a quieter one because it would just be too much work

2) My 4 year old daughter that kept running into things & randomly stopping mid-step in the middle of the aisle, causing cart crashes galore, because she was distracted by her new Cinderella book (from the library) she was "reading”

3) My screaming 2 year old who was doing his best to make sure everyone in the store knew just how upset he was that I made him put back the box of frosted brownies because per our family vote the turtle brownies were the big winners of the day, but apparently caramel & nuts just aren't good enough for him.

To Kurtis, the super helpful Wal-Mart manager (I think), thank you for helping me clean up my totally filled to the brim large McDonald's Coke (that was to be my reward for enduring said Wal-mart shopping trip) that I managed to spill all over the floor while checking out. Not only were you nice enough to come to my aid...you did it without once looking annoyed with me or making me feel like a complete fool. Both of which I am certain you were wanting to do.

Tiny condoms and the year of the eye-pocalypse

2013-01-02T12:10:00.002-05:00

I went to my first eye exam today.

After a series of tests, fully dilated eyes and staring directly at a bright light for a few minutes, I noticed in my peripheral that the doctor very slyly put a rubbery cover over the tip of a hand held electronic instrument (similar to one of those new fancy thermometers that you just rub against your forehead) for what appeared to be my next exam. I replied:

Doctor, I have a couple questions.

One, what is that instrument for?

Two, did you just put a tiny condom on it?

Three….and I stress that this may be the most important question…..where are you planning on putting it?

And four, although I realize that this is not a question…I want to reiterate that all I signed up for was an eye exam today.

She admitted that she hoped I wouldn’t notice her sly maneuver….thus, I reminded her that of all people, she should know that I have hawk-like vision (20/15 baby) and nothing gets past me.

BTW: She touched my eye with that instrument to test for glaucoma.

building a better mousetrap

2010-06-10T21:47:00.000-04:00

My wife told me she thought we had a mouse. I didn't listen......until while in a prostrate position, fixing the kitchen drains (side note, if there was a hell specifically designed for me.....it would be filled with leaky pipes I have to fix), I looked over to see a mouse charging me like it was the running of the bulls.
I would have sworn it was mighty mouse himself.......but everyone knows you can't verify that unless you hear him sing tenor the likes of Pavarotti.

Regardless......IT WAS ON.

Now, I could have bought mouse traps.....but what is the fun in that?
No, my son and I would build our own. This would be our Moby Dick. And I am Ahab.

Ingredients: duct tape (you knew that was coming right), card board, a trash can, and MacGyver-like ingenuity.

Here are the pics (click for larger view):

Trap specs: The mouse runs up the ramp to get to the platform where there is a tunnel with peanut butter (and goldfish per Caden's request) on the end. Once he goes through the tunnel, his weight tips the tunnel (er.....toilet paper roll) into the trash can. The next morning, Caden and I would take our victory dance around the trash can and then let in loose in the neighbor's yard we are least fond of.

The note on the ramp says: "This way to Disney World. Mice grow up there and learn to talk and wear fancy clothes. One even lives in a castle!"

Alas, we didn't catch the mouse. My mother-in-law bought store-bought traps (boring) and claimed the kill before the mouse had a chance to test the Pate Gauntlet. But in the end, it really wasn't about the mouse anyway......it was about building a better mouse trap. One that created excitement in a little boy's quest to catch his dragon.

By the way: I got the basics of this idea from this video.

Best Posts of 2009

2010-01-03T14:39:00.000-05:00

If you're new to thestateofpate.com or just have some time to kill....here are my best posts of 2009.

February: I heart heels
I’m a Carolina fan. The parents of the kid Janelle watches during the week are Duke fans. On the day of the rivalry game, I send them a message via their daughter.
May: Holy Crap (video)
My son shows his knack for impeccable timing with this outburst of an “ugly word” in front of my family.
June: Beat It
Why MJ’s “Beat It” was the most disappointing music video…..ever
June: Airport Security

Why I think they hold job fairs for airport security outside of GED centers and prisons.

July: Elevator Etiquette (a manifesto)

There are unspoken rules to riding elevators…..until now.

August: Project Chopsticks

I decide to eat only with chopsticks until I master it…..yeah, not really well thought out.

August: Thank You For My New Home (video)

September: Manly Frappucinos

My sudden realization that the words “do you want whip cream on that” is a trick question.

October: Futile Conversations @ Work (a series) 1, 2, & 3

My series on ridiculous conversations I’m forced to participate in at work

November: Precious Commodities
My quest to get a prime spot in the cube city I work in.

acting my age

2009-12-30T23:36:00.001-05:00

One of the fringe benefits of volunteering with the high school group at my church is that they routinely do fun stuff. Scavenger hunts, Tacky Proms, foosball tournaments, and paint ball are just a few things I get to put on my calendar….and subsequently get to use the excuse with my wife, “Hey, I’m just doing it for the kids….they’re our future you know.”

The latest escapade was kickball.

And it was Christmas-themed…..so everyone was encouraged to come dressed up something “Christmassy” (like a reindeer or a Christmas tree).

I however procrastinated too long to come up with anything elaborate so I created something in a pinch. An editorial cartoon style drawing that was artsy and provocative to put on a t-shirt. I imagined that the kids would all be wowed by my cultural critique and pithiness.

This was my rendering of how Gloria Estefan is single-handedly trying to ruin Christmas with her music.

For proper context, you should know that my wife, Janelle, goes on a musical diet exclusively made up of Christmas themed ditties starting in what seems to be July in most years. There have obviously been some bad Christmas albums….but in my opinion, Gloria’s (or as I call her “Grenchia Estefan”) is by far the worst.

Apparently what I forgot to consider is that if you under ohhhhhh 32, the Gloria Estefan reference that the whole drawing is hinged upon…….is lost. Guess who are all under 32?

That’s right, everyone else playing kickball.

Sometimes after getting the ubiquitous reply of, “Who’s Gloria Estefan?”, I would snidely retort with “It’s artsy”…….or desperately say, “Come on, you remember……the rhythm is going to get ya.”

Bueller……Bueller……(oh wait, there’s another out-dated cultural reference)

Next time I’m going as the Salvation Army guy……..where I will constantly ring a bell until they all give me money.

Precious Commodities: Work Edition (TVs)

2009-11-05T20:22:00.000-05:00

I work in a large cubicle farm of half-walled fortresses of solitude as far as the eye can see.
My old personal 90” x 72” slice of paradise that I occupied until just recently was amazing….but it lacked one thing.
One of the most precious commodities in a cube farm is an unobstructed view of a TV.
If a cubicle farm were a monopoly board, the cubes by the TV are Boardwalk and Park Place….with hotels on them.
This becomes especially valuable during the Olympics, NCAA basketball tournaments……the balloon boy saga (admit it; you too were riveted by what appeared to be a giant jiffy-pop popcorn bag careening through the air).
However, you could have put the Sierra Desert in-between my old cube and the nearest TV.
My cube was so far from a TV, that I couldn’t even tell the difference between Fox News and CNN (now that’s far).
It was like I was in a lower caste of the cube village…….a leper ostracized from the civilized world of talking heads and the latest news on Jon & Kate.
But finally, with my new job, I am in a new cube…..and it is 5 feet away from a TV. Eureka
“The Jeffersons” theme song (“moving on up….”) is playing loudly in my head as a soundtrack of my ascent within the cube caste system.
I have a perfect unobstructed view of a TV…..specifically………of the BACK of it.

Blerg
Back to the lower caste.
Right now, my only idea to rectify this cruel fate is to construct an elaborate mirror system à la the classic Tom Cruise movie (is there any other kind you ask) “Legend” to beam it straight into my cube….plus I like to look at myself, so the more mirrors the better.

experiments in literary brevity, part 2 (One Sentence Stories)

2009-11-02T19:15:00.003-05:00

I stumbled onto onesentence.org a couple months ago. Basically the concept is self-explanatory: tell a (true) story in just one sentence. The premise is that one sentence is enough space to be intriguing yet leave enough mystery to want to know the rest of the story.

I’ve submitted a few....but none of them have ever made the cut and been published so far......so I thought I would share them here:

It didn’t take me long to realize that the “life with no regrets” is a myth; instead unfortunately I would have to choose the regrets I can live with.

The upperclassmen initially didn’t believe that they had dubiously eaten the donuts that we had wedged in between our bare butt cheeks just moments before, until we showed them the pictures to prove it.

As she sat there alone, still in her wedding dress, and crying in her beer; I think we both realized that it probably won’t work out for her.

After having to make an impromptu squat in the woods and subsequently forced to use leaves as makeshift toilet paper; I suddenly realized that I should have committed to memory what poison ivy looks like to avoid a potentially catastrophic mistake.

Turns out it’s not a good idea to catch a six foot alligator with a fishing pole, marshmallows, and Irwin-like moves; so that you can put it into your apartment tub in hopes of keeping it as a pet for the night.

One sentence. One story. Go. particiPATE

experiments in literary brevity (my six word memoir)

2009-10-31T00:16:00.004-04:00

I’ve been dabbling with a couple of short-form writing projects lately. It started with Twitter, where you are limited to 140 characters per “tweet.” I found the practice of writing things more concisely, while maintaining clarity, a useful discipline. Let’s face it; most of us use way too many words to say very little.

So I was immediately intrigued when I first heard about the “six word memoir” project.

Here is an excerpt of an article describing it:

Once asked to write a full story in six words, legend has it that novelist Ernest Hemingway responded: "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn."

In this spirit of simple yet profound brevity, the online magazine Smith asked readers to write the story of their own lives in a single sentence. The result is Not Quite What I Was Planning, a collection of six-word memoirs by famous and not-so-famous writers, artists and musicians. Their stories are sometimes sad, often funny — and always concise.

The book is full of well-known names:

writer Dave Eggers (Fifteen years since last professional haircut)

singer Aimee Mann (Couldn't cope so I wrote songs)

comedian Stephen Colbert (Well, I thought it was funny)

Here is my first attempt at my own six word memoir:

Ironically uncomfortable with a comfortable life

What’s your six word memoir? particiPATE

See more six word memiors here

Futile conversations @ work part 3 (caution: wet floors)

2009-10-29T23:42:00.002-04:00

Most mornings I go to the food court at work to get a little pick-me-up (diet soda.....don’t judge me). And every morning I bear witness to a thing so utterly befuddling and vexing.....that I must speak up......so I sent the management the following email:

Good afternoon,

I pass through the food court most mornings around 9:30 or 10 am.....and have made an observation I would like to give some feedback on. You see, most mornings when I’m in the food court there is a guy mopping the floor, cordoning off half of it at a time....all while the breakfast rush is still steady. It’s maddening I tell you! Maddening!

It’s not that I don’t appreciate your attention to a spotless floor.....it would make Mr. Clean himself proud and give you his infamous wink of approval.....but do you have to do it at 9:30? Really......9:30?

It’s just that I spend most of my time in the mornings navigating around the 20 yellow “wet floor” signs like I’m practicing to be a stunt driver for the sequel of “The Italian Job.” Of course, I think it goes without saying that I would be the character played by Mark Walberg based on physical likeness...but I digress.

It’s not that I’m saying, “don’t mop the floors”, I just think there might be a more rational time to do this inconvenient chore......oh, how about in that weird Bermuda Triangle of time space between 10:30 (when breakfast ends) and 11:30 (the earliest time any sane person would eat lunch).

I’ll make you a deal, if the mop guy can wait until after 10:30, he can mop the floor so vicariously that the employees can have a nice rousing game of “slip-and-slide” and it would take a reincarnation of Moses himself to part the waters so that a customer could get to the Sbarro. You can even let Moses borrow the mop for a makeshift staff....but make sure you don’t let him drop it, because it may turn into a snake....and that’s a whole other bag of trouble.....but I digress.

Sincerely,

Rangi

particiPATE (comment)

Futile conversations @ work part 2 (RINGO)

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Futile Conversations @ Work part 2 (R I N G O)

2009-10-27T19:45:00.003-04:00

Occasionally I go to the cafeteria for lunch. Most of the time, I end up at the grill station. Typically they ask for your name with your order so that they can tell you when it is done.

Hence the rub: I normally don’t give my real name.....I just make something up. Maybe it’s because I’ve always found my own name very common and this is my way of acting out against my parents (very Freudian you say?) but it really kicked into high gear when Janelle got pregnant with Caden. I would use this opportunity to give them names I was throwing around for our next child so that 1) I could hear someone else say it aloud (fresh perspective) and 2) I could gage everyone else’s reaction to it.

“Oh” I would think, “I think the grill station crowd really liked Fletch.”

I know....it doesn’t make any sense. This especially got weird when we were having a girl.

Eventually, it just became a game to give them random names just for the fun of it.

Garfield

Sundance

Pele’

The problem was most of the time, they would never spell them right despite my clarification and annunciation, so that by the time it was called out by the cook, it was mangled into something altogether unrecognizable.

Today was no different.

April the Grill Person) Name?

Me) Ringo

April) Rain-go? (unsure)

Me) Ringo (I say slowly)....like the Beatle

April proceeds to spell Ringo “R-A-N-G-O”

I thought the Beatle clue was enough....but apparently I’m wrong....it must not have been a popular enough reference. Who’s ever heard of the Beatles right? My bad

I consider borrowing and slightly altering the old children’s song and sing “R-I-N-G-O, R-I-N-G-O, R-I-N-G-O, and Ringo was his name-o”....but I decided against it.

Instead I tell her, “No, it’s with an I”

And then it took another turn for the worse.

April crosses out the....wait for it....O and puts in an I.

And RANGI was my name-o.

partici-PATE

my favorite workday of the year

2009-10-26T22:28:00.004-04:00

Where I work, there is always a one day of the year to look forward to. When all else fails, this day is the beacon of hope to keep you hanging on......just a little longer.

Of course I’m referring to the Diversity Talent Showcase, where employees show off their rare “talents” in the auditorium.

Kind of like our own American’s Got Talent......you know.....before they cut anyone.

This year’s show started slow.....I had almost given up.....but then it happened.

An Elvis impersonator (complete with sequined jumpsuit and cape) bustled through the doors and made his way to the stage. I knew he was serious (as if the jumpsuit and cape didn’t give it away) when he brought his own karaoke set-up.
He sang, he ~~shaked~~ eerr wobbled his hips, and at just the right times he would whip his hand around in a circle like he was swinging an invisible lasso. Priceless
He even jumped off the stage and serenaded an older lady in the front row.
My first thoughts were.....I could be at my desk, but I’m so glad I’m here instead.

But Faux-Elvis was only the set up for the “coup de grace” to come.

A slender Indian man grabbed the mic and informed us that he was going to sing a traditional Hindu song.

The next few words he said literally made my face light up with joy.

“And I’ll be singing this in”......wait for it.....”falsetto.”

At this point, I realized that indeed, God smiles on me....atleast for the next few minutes.

Thanks God.

the Art of the Pate introduction

2009-10-23T23:16:00.004-04:00

1) I recently had to meet a coworker whom I never met before to work on some transition items for my new job.

Shortly before going to her desk, I told her in an instant message that I was “easy spot because I am ruggedly handsome, and when I walk.......it appears as if I’m dancing.”

Oddly enough, she seemed surprised when I introduced myself. Did I not make myself clear?

2) This week, my task in one of my graduate classes was to form a group for an upcoming case study. This class is online, most of us have never met, so we have to use the online discussion boards to group ourselves.

This was my post to that discussion board in an attempt to gather the best and brightest:

You may be surprised that no one ever responded.

3) However my suave introduction skills failed me when I recently met one of my favorite authors.

I was able to see Donald Miller on his A Million Miles tour.....and later was able to get him to sign my book.

I felt like I needed something clever to say....but I was nervous......and ended up saying something completely inane (which by the way will not be uttered here). It was like I was spewing verbal vomit. Blerg

Of course I thought of the perfect thing to sometime later........I wish I could have a re-do.

Pate, Party of 5

2009-10-22T06:48:00.000-04:00

Janelle’s got another bun in the oven.

The baby is due in late May (possibly Janelle’s birthday).

photo credit: thingamababy

Sky Top Apple Orchard

2009-10-22T06:43:00.001-04:00

The Pate clan visited the Sky Top Apple Orchard last weekend.

Highly recommend to all my Carolina peeps. It’s well run, great customer service, but most of all it features the world famous apple cider doughnuts.

I pretty sure they put the “nectar of the Gods” in the doughnut mix..........but I could be wrong.

That is the line for the doughnuts......yeah, they're that good.

paticiPATE

The Art of the Question

2009-10-19T22:40:00.001-04:00

Where I work, you’re required to have a badge to get access to the campus and the building.

Recently, I got a new badge but it hasn’t been working at the gate to get into the parking lot. Hence the following conversation:

Me: swiping my badge....again....and again....yet the gate isn’t opening. At the last resort and a pending queue of cars not so patiently waiting behind me to get in, I called security.

Security: May I help you

Me: Yes, my badge isn’t working at the gate......I just got a new one so that may be the problem.

Security: Where are you going?

Me: Well technically I’m already here.......just trying to get in the parking lot

Security: (again) Where are you going sir?

Me: To my cubicle....where I work. It’s a 90 by 72 inch slice of paradise.

Security: No, where are you going sir?

(apparently, if you ask the same exact question multiple times....you’ll get the response you are fishing for)

Me: I’m a little confused about the context of the question.....do you want my five year plan.......or is this one of those heaven –hell conversations....either way I’m not sure how this will help me get into that gate.....well unless this is heaven’s gate....then I am in fact lost....wait not “lost” in terms of my soul....but physically lost.

Security: (audibly exasperated) Can you swipe you card again sir?

(I’m a little thrown off by a different question....but I react fast)

Me: sure

Security: What’s your name sir?

Me: John Pate

Security: John Pate?

Me: Yes

Security: What’s your name?

(and apparently we’re back to asking the same question multiple times)

Me: John

Security: Where do you work?

Me: In that giant building......right over there

Security: Where do you work sir?

Now I’m wondering if she works for security or the” department of redundancy department”

Me: Mostly at that 90 by 72 inch slice of paradise I mentioned earlier (artfully using her repetition formula against her)....but I do roam around a little bit throughout the day.

Security: Where do you work sir? (a little slower this time in case I didn’t understand her the last 2 times)

Me: (in an act of desperation I muttered my department)

Our conversation was interrupted by the gate opening......I think she just got tired of me and gave up.

The morale of the story: If you want good answers, ask good questions.

ParticiPATE

*inspired by true events.....but exaggerated....a tad. Part true, part story: hence a “trory”

Happy Now?

2009-10-15T04:11:00.012-04:00

I recently stumbled upon the behavioral economist Dan Ariely* who has written a book called Predictably Irrational, which attempts to shed light on the forces that shape our (often subconscious) decision-making.
Below, Ariely discusses why happiness is relative. In other words, we largely measure our happiness by comparing what we have (not just materialistic) to what we perceive others to have.
Innately, we’re always looking for a yard stick to judge ourselves by. Except we’re choosing the wrong yardsticks.

It’s the “keeping up with the Jones” syndrome run amuck.

So, in an effort to turn this on it’s head, I’ve created a shortcut.

I’m lowering the bar (a genetic pate trait).

Here’s your daily dose of happiness: At least you aren’t this guy

Happy now?

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life” Alexander Dumas

And there's more:

He recently did a TED talk that give a good primer on his work

PredictablyIrrational.com had more short videos like the one above covering the main concepts of his book.

*He's from Duke, but we won't hold that against him, since he was mostly educated at......UNC

we take pics for fun

2009-09-08T21:51:00.001-04:00

Manly Frappucinos

2009-09-05T13:57:00.004-04:00

I gave the 140 character version of this story on twitter........here is the new and improved expanded version.

It was one of those days where I was hitting a wall, summoning all my depleted energy to try to keep my eyes open a few more seconds. Inevitably I headed over to Starbucks for a caffeine boost.

I ordered a frappucino......and waited patiently at the counter.

As she finishes pouring my chai frappucino into the cup, she casually asks, “Do you want whip cream on this?”

But let’s face it, she already knew the answer.

At the time, I thought that this may have been one of the dumbest questions I’ve ever heard. I mean, take a look at me, do I look like a guy who has said “no” to whip cream too many........or any times in my life?

So I answered.....with one caveat.

“Yea....but make it manly.”

I thought that was funny................she didn’t.

She looked at me and without a hint of jest replied, “Umm....there’s nothing manly about this drink.”

As she smugly put the whip cream on...........I realized............oh crap, she’s right!

When she added the cinnamon sprinkles I practically wanted to crawl under the table.

The only thing missing from this “tribute-to-all-things-girly frappucino” was a little umbrella for Pete’s sake.

But the worst was yet to come when I realized the green mile I had to walk to get back to my cube.... carrying my effeminate beverage.

I thought about throwing it away in order to salvage what manhood I had left........

But I do love whip cream.

How to be Cool (an semi-reliable instructional guide)

2009-08-27T23:22:00.000-04:00

Everybody knows (a statement that builds instant credibility regardless of factual integrity) that there are 2 ways to be cool.

1) You’re Samuel L. Jackson

And for the rest of us.....2) be an early adopter.

Here’s your chance at #2.
Josh (an old college buddy & one of the wittiest people I know) is launching a new blog.
He literally posted his inaugural entry today......so for max cool points, jump on the train now before everyone else is doing it and you’re the last on board (which by the way is “uncool”). Read the first entry....and you’ll want it to be put into an IV and injected straight into your veins.

And for those of you ready to take the next step, grab this book pronto

Not sure if this is for you....here is an excerpt from one the amazon.com reviews

I can honestly say I've been "Practicing Awesome" for over ten years now and it has changed my life. I now have my own blog and play guitar at my friend's parties. I laugh with ease. I can sense danger before it happens. I trim my own bangs. And I have the quite confidence of a man who wears cargo pants.

Buy this book today and memorize every page

Still not convinced.....find more fantastic reviews here

Project Chopsticks

2009-08-21T21:30:00.001-04:00

Recently I embarked on Project Chopsticks, in which I attempted to use chopsticks whenever possible until I mastered it. My original aim was to do it until I could “Miyagi” a fly (Karate Kid reference for all those born after 1985)........but I’d settle for being able to eat a spoonful of rice in less than one hour.

I figured that since over a billion people faithfully use chopsticks, while thumbing their nose at the likes of forks, spoons, and “sporks” (ok, we’re all on the same page on that one), it was good enough for me.

So I decided to expand my cultural horizons and give chopsticks a chance. You can imagine the awkward looks I would get from coworkers as I clumsily ate my chicken nuggets, french fries, and salad.....but I would not be deterred.

My initial observations

They say typing on a keyboard excessively can lead to carpal tunnel.......but obviously none of those people have ever used chopsticks. I got hand cramps.......hand cramps (is that even possible?) from using chopsticks after one day.

Using chopsticks is a great idea.......if you want your food to taste like......wood. Let me save you some time, if you want to know whether eating with chopsticks is for you.....put a stick in your mouth and suck on it for a little while. If you find that tasty, buy chopsticks in bulk.

Chopsticks aren’t very versatile. Got a hankering for soup......no soup for you. Steaming plate of “mac n’ cheese,” no can do....the cheese sauce acts like a lubricant making those noodles some slippery little suckers.

By the time I got to day 5 or 6, I wanted to shove the chopsticks in my eyes to end my misery.

Next time you have 2 sticks in your hand.....don’t eat with them, use them to make a fire from scratch, cook something,...........and eat it with a fork.

thank you for my new home (a sing along)

2009-08-16T00:47:00.002-04:00

The recession is hard on everybody....and the pate clan is no exception.

Some of us are having to think outside the box.

But then again, no need in wasting a perfectly good box.

Caden seems to be getting used to his new living arrangements.

Stockholm Syndrome

2009-08-06T06:50:00.002-04:00

Just got Derek Webb’s new album Stockholm Syndrome.

For DW fans, this one is quite a departure from his previous stuff (sound wise) in that it is more synthetic and electronic (his previous albums are more acoustic and folk sounding). But as usual, the content pulls no punches.

Confession: my intrigue was spiked when I heard his new album has an explicit rating, which is only notable because most of his music is typically slated in the Christian genre.

Derek is what I would term a Christian Activist. He’s like a young, brash version of Tony Campolo, singing the kind of songs Shane Claiborne would pen, while giving mainstream Christianity a kick in the pants.

Some would consider his views fringe and abrasive.....but I’ve always felt that those voices are crucial to keeping the rest of us honest. Constantly forcing us to question our stances, examine our motives.

So most likely, you won't agree with everything in content, but sometimes the people you disagree with teach you the most.

You can find out more about the album at DerekWebb.com

Elevator Etiquette (a manifesto)

2009-07-25T17:53:00.000-04:00

A primer for how to deal with the elevator crazies

The Elevator Nagger

If you are waiting for an elevator and someone else has already hit the up/down button.....restrain yourself. I know it sounds crazy, but hitting the button multiple times as if you are typing out a novel in Morse code doesn’t make it get there any faster.

Appropriate Response: “Thanks, I wasn’t sure I got it right the first time, especially since that light came on and all. But maybe this one is different than all the others I have ever ridden in.”

The Impeder

You’re approaching an elevator, people are already inside, but the doors are closing. You could wait for the next one.....but then you get the urge to throw your arm in between the doors kung-fu style minus the “hi-ya!” (although that would actually make it acceptable) so that the doors will reopen, forcing everyone already inside to wait for you get on before they can proceed with their day.

Appropriate Response: Please tell me you have a cape under that shirt....because I’m hoping that you can fly around the earth counterclockwise like superman fast enough to turn back time.....so I can get my 10 seconds back you just wasted.

The Awkward Passenger

You’re a “people person”. That’s great....but the rest of us aren’t. The elevator is not a place you go to meet new people. No chit-chat, no facing toward the back of the elevator in order to maximize eye contact with everyone else. Let’s face it, at times we’re all crammed in there like cattle, let’s not get all personal ok.

Appropriate Response: None....at all.

The Wall-e People

If you take an elevator to go up or God forbid down one floor......everyone else has the right to make fun of you....lazy pants.

Appropriate Response: “You should start putting some money aside for one of those segways....heck let me make a donation.....I would hate for you to have to......uh, walk anywhere......lazy pants”

O.C.P.s

2009-07-19T10:01:00.000-04:00

O.C.P. = Obligatory Cute Picture

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