The original TRON, released in 1982, was a spectacle of special effects and a childhood favorite. Yes…at the age of one, I was keenly aware of its groundbreaking technical innovations and a great fan of its exploration of video game artificial intelligence and the ethereal subtext of the fragility of all our own realities.

Of course, in reality, I only saw it years later as it was added to a very short list of repeat rentals from the library. I developed a such a strong love for its world that I desired to be within it, not only simulating battle in my back yard with a Frisbee, but also perhaps unwisely attempting to replicate one of my favorite scenes wherein the protagonist visibly replenishes himself by drinking energy out of his Identity Disc. Drinking rain water out of a dirty Frisbee is somewhat of a letdown.

As the years went on, the rentals faded out and my TRON memories grew fuzzier and fuzzier with only a few video game adaptations over the years to flirt with my mind.

Then came the surprise technical demo shown at the 2008 San Diego Comic Con. Above is a clean version of the video, which is preferable to the older fan-shot recording except for the absence of the erupting geekgasm building in the background as the audience members first realize what they are seeing.

The video was such a success that within a year production was begun on a new feature length movie, TRON: Legacy, continuing the story from almost 3 decades ago while starting the story anew for unfamiliar audiences, following 27-year old Sam Flynn as he joins his missing father and original film’s star, Kevin Flynn, in the world of TRON.

Recently, the below trailer was released in theaters and online, showcasing the first real footage from the film.

Were this simply a regular release, I would still cream myself in geek ecstasy. However, TRON: Legacy, the movie most obviously best suited to be released in 3D IMAX…will be released in 3D IMAX.

Fucking incredible…

These pleasures are almost too much…but my fantasies demand more.

I have grown up…

The world of TRON certainly seems to have evolved…

And I so desperately crave TRON sex.

So, come on Disney…you can do this…grow up…and fuck me in 3D IMAX.

In my attempts to imagine a government actually taking actions without ideological foundation, I was made to giggle, roll my eyes, fart, and ultimately suffer a mild seizure.

In reality, this is simply a very blunt instance of a political ploy that has been used by politicians of all parties to paint themselves as the practical civil servant, masking their own ideology by being first to target their opposition as crazy ideologues.

Comically, the only possible way that the government might function without ideology would be to cleanse all the doors of perception in Washington D.C. and govern by stream of consciousness, opening the floodgates of our politicians’ minds to participating in group gropings on the senate floor and performing long-form poetry to rival even the most fiercely fielded filibuster.

Of course, whether these actions would be deemed to “work” or “not work” for America is really a matter of one’s ideology or philosophy. What works for one person might not for another due to the different systems of value people use in their lives.

While still a faulty concept, pragmatism or the practice of taking actions that are validated by favorable outcomes, is a much better practice for individuals making their own personal decisions than it is for a central authority. To endlessly debatable success or failure, this is what we all essentially attempt whether we are stumbling through a life of stream of consciousness or dedicated to a life of religious or devoted ideology.

Even in the scope of individual pragmatism, pleasures not only change, but may wane to the point of becoming pain and invariably cause a maze of effects that are not as simple as black and white, but rather a splintering of possibly undesirable outcomes the origin of which become obscured and difficult to calculate or improve.

But we all try and in most cases directly bare the success and failure of our own risks. Unfortunately, history and common sense are littered with pragmatic attempts that directly harm another person.

While anarchy is as nebulous a concept as pragmatism, in the absence of government, lawlessness allows the greatest freedom of all individuals to pursue their own ideology. That is, of course, until another individual or group of individuals restricts this freedom through violence or the void of “anarchy” is filled by a group with enough brute force to ostensibly form their own government and impose their own ideology.

These threats would logically give rise to the desire of a government whose ideology dictates that it exists solely to protect the freedoms of its individual citizens from threats both domestic and foreign with as little action as necessary so as not to become a threat itself to that which it is designed to protect.

This philosophy of government, which has taken the name of libertarianism, is still a difficult balancing act involving arguments as to how small the government can be while still fulfilling its function. However, these arguments are still informed by the clear principle of individual liberty.

A philosophy of government that desires anything more puts an icing on our cake that is neither necessary nor necessarily to the taste of anyone besides the chef in power and those that share his palate.

Ironically, someone who holds a clear libertarian principle is often looked at by mainstream media and politics as a “crazy ideologue”; while viewing as preferably normal those politicians who make their decisions on the vague changing winds of the majority, the support and/or money of lobbyists, or from unsupportable, narrow ideologies that require religious leaps of faith.

The moniker of “crazy ideologue” would be better applied to this group that would make decisions following a philosophy of government that lacks any traceable progression of logical arguments resulting in a generic belief that government exists to do whatever the person in the driver’s seat desires it to do.

The next time you hear a politician say something like: “Now is not the time for ideology. Government must do what works and abandon what does not work.” Don’t you believe it! That politician is lying to someone for some reason that is all a part of his or her ideology.

Instead, move past that statement completely and simply question their policies. Don’t ask whether they will work, but whether their effects are just for all citizens. That is…after all…the sole validation of government.

This is far beyond the stupid guilt-ridden charity bullshit of a co-worker trapping you in some queer “no obligation” emotional obligation to buy some pretzel twists or soggy hoagies for some distantly related relative’s basketball team or some other sole spark of a child’d life that happens to be underfunded.

I don’t care what the fuck you are going to do with the money you make from these cookies.

IT IS ALREADY YOURS!

In fact…the relationship is quite the opposite as it has prompted me to compose this plea to you to sell your cookies ALL THE TIME and EVERYWHERE!

I am already done with my two boxes of Peanut Butter Patties, which were so shrewdly packaged in three rows fighting the common man’s psychology predicting that there be four rows which would provide a reasonable halfway point to exit and continue consumption at a later time. Hidden within their opaque wrapper, we still anticipate this exit strategy and are foiled finishing the second row and only then realizing that we have already gone beyond the point of no return with no option but to eat the remainder and still…long for more.

Your cookies FUCKING WIN!

There are really no other cookies on the market that can compare. Nabisco Oreo cookies and Keebler Fudge Stripes are contenders, but you would totally fuck them sideways in the market if you had a year-round presence.

Visiting your website, however, I find that they are still only seasonal sales and with only certain varieties available through a scattered network of local troops.

Also…in registering my email address and name to learn more about purchasing said cookies, I couldn’t help but feel, although it bares no relation to my actual desires, that the website is a ploy by federal law enforcement agencies to track potential sexual predators.

Just saying…

Girl Scouts of America, were you to sell these most delectable wares all year across all the world’s grocery stores, you would not only have many happy customers, but also such an incredible revenue stream that not only would you lose all concerns for the funding of your activities; you would lose all concern for your activities, no longer having to fuck around in the woods gathering nuts and berries and fighting for your survival, instead forming a sisterhood that shares in the lavish lifestyle your cookie fortune would provide all members, with enough purchasing power to employ the piece-of-shit Boy Scouts of America for whatever tasks you require.

MAKE IT SO!

It’s amazing what you can do with a semi-colon, a handful of commas, and a blatant disregard for normal rules of grammar.