A Splintered Mind

ADHD & Depression: Distraction As Therapy

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:12:16 PDT

I have the comorbid conditions of ADHD and Depression. And may I say that I despise the word "comorbid". What a gruesome, ghoulish word to hang around people's necks. Leave it to psychologists to come up with terminology that depresses depressives. Because "coinciding" and "overlapping" weren't descriptive enough.

But I digress…which is the point of this quick post after all.

I have often found my ADHD to be very helpful in treating my Depression. This is because sometimes I can forget I am depressed if the distraction is engrossing enough. In fact, when I discover that I am depressed, I will seek out distractions as the first coping strategy to get the depression under control. Sometimes, the depression is a wave that passes. What a perfect way to sidestep it by finding something else to think about for a short time until my mind & body regulate themselves.

I had originally stated here that ADHD and Depression were not common coinciding conditions (See? That sounds so much better), but a reader pointed out to me this study (Table 3) that showed a nearly one in five occurrence of either Major Depressive Disorder or Dysthymia (mild depression) with ADHD. That seems high compared to my experience where people search my blog for one or the other—not often both. Also, I have been told by psychologists that having both conditions was unusual, but then I've also had psychologists who believed in the healing power of crystals. So there you are. Regardless, I have both conditions, and I know I am not alone. That is why I wrote this article in the first place. I just never realized that I was in such good company.

Whether you are the one in five or the other four, you have likely encountered a side-effect of ADHD usually referred to as Depression After Success. That is the state of mind that we can find ourselves in when we come out of hyperfocus mode. We flounder as our minds lose their laser focus after the task is done and the bombardment of emotions, thoughts, and impulses begins.

Some of us with ADHD also deal with Depression as a constant and tone-deaf companion who sings over ADHD in the arena of our mind. Together, they make quite a racket. Fortunately, long bouts of Depression are hard to have because the ADHD side gets bored and demands action, but it can be a seesaw effect that takes up considerable amounts of energy to overcome. That is why when ADHD and Depression overlap, I let the ADHD side free.

One distraction that is a favorite of mine is to take photographs with filter-effect apps on my camera. I've been doing this since the first iPhone camera filter apps were released in late 2007. Often, I will take a selfie and either heighten the feeling of sadness I'm feeling with filters, or force myself to take a cheerful photograph then filter it until it looks convincing. These tiny projects don't take a lot of time and often are very effective at funneling my attention away from being depressed and into doing something creative—my number one coping strategy for fighting Depression.

When Were You Diagnosed with ADHD?

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 23:11:28 PDT

Last week Rock Center with Brian Williams had a segment on a mother who was only diagnosed with ADHD after her daughter was discovered to have ADHD. The mother was 42. You can see a clip of the segment here. I'm wondering how common this is with others. I was diagnosed very early. At 3 weeks old my doctor decided I had "hyperkinesis". That could be because I rarely slept and would stand when people held my fingers. My head was too heavy to support, and I flopped it around, but I was standing. The year was 1967. Fifteen years later the term was Attention Deficit Disorder, but I was lucky. I was diagnosed very early. There was a label for my symptoms.

When were you diagnosed? Did you learn you had ADHD early or late in life? If you were late to the game, do you think an earlier diagnosis would have helped you score better?

Pitching In for a Good Cause. David Farland Needs Your Help.

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 16:29:04 PDT

I have decided that April is the month I finish my Depression book. I've been working on it long enough, and now that my health is returning to me I would like to make a big push to make up for lost time. I'll still post here throughout the month, but the articles will be shorter than usual. I ask for your patience and support. You can follow my progress on Twitter or Path.

Today's post is a departure for me. Somebody I know needs your help, but it's help that might benefit you. An associate of mine, author David Farland, has suffered a family tragedy lately. His son, Ben, had a very severe sports accident that nearly cost him his life. In fact, he is still struggling in the hospital today. Ben's bout with death has generated a hospital bill estimated to be in the millions. As a writer, Dave doesn't have health insurance, so he is turning to his readers for help. He needs them to buy one of two books today. Read on for the details.

I've known Dave for over twenty years. I can't say we're good friends, but I knew him when he was still Dave Wolverton. I remember fondly a conversation with him I once had. I don't recall how I came upon his phone number, but I had both it and ADHD, so I called him up on impulse. I discussed, of all things, a story by Orson Scott Card. I wanted to know what Dave thought of it. We talked about a lot of things, including his time as a security guard at the prison at the point of the mountain here in Utah. He had to wear a beard by order of the warden, but the beard didn't go over well with some of the folks at church. This was the late 80s and beards were taboo in the LDS church then, despite the one on Jesus' face.

I don't know what Dave made of our odd conversation, but it impressed upon me deeply how real and grounded he was as a person. I've kept in touch with him over the years, and when I had a chance to chat with him at a writers conference three years ago, he was just as pleasant and patient—just as grounded. My heart really goes out to him at this time.

To help generate funds, Dave is having a book bomb today. Everyone supporting the book bomb agrees to purchase one of two books by Dave today. This will hopefully launch the books into the top sales rankings where they'll be noticed by other readers, thus generating even more sales.

Please consider pitching in and treating yourself to either Nightingale, a work of contemporary fantasy, or Million Dollar Outlines, a book on the writing craft. You can read more about the books and the book bomb here, or click on the individual links and just buy them. I'll be buying the enhanced iPad edition with soundtrack and animations, along with the book on writing. I've been meaning to get them for some time, so this is a great day to do it. Hopefully, you'll end up with a book you enjoy as well, and help Dave and his family out during this trying time. Thank you for your generosity.

I Pushed Through the Stupor of My Brain

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 05:06:28 PDT

Saturday - Entry 30:

It may be 6:15am, but I am very pleased with myself. I pushed through the stupor my brain has been under since the accident and finished my freelance assignments. It is such a good feeling.

Not only did I complete my freelance work despite my addled mind, but I significantly increased my rate of output. Considering that the first two articles took over three days to complete, getting my output back to less than 30 minutes per article was reason to celebrate.

I rewarded myself with an episode of Elementary since I was too wired to sleep. I also did sit-ups, folded laundry, got another load going, and cleaned the living room. All before 6am. As I said, I was wired.

I realize that whiplash, even mild forms of it, can make a mind a quivering puddle of goo, so I am thankful for the elasticity of our minds and their ability to heal. I feel in hindsight that I was rather lucky to have escaped the accident with as little damage as I did. Still, I have tried to be patient with myself while I recuperated. I may have escaped relatively unscathed, but there were still injuries that have affected my state of mind.

Because I pre-wrote my blogs last month, they published automatically while I dealt with the car accident. Unfortunately, I didn't pre-write them into April. I'm afraid I ran out. Instead of producing new articles this past week, however, I decided to focus on my freelance work instead. Some readers had cautioned me to not push myself, which was wise advice, but I needed to push for the freelance work. I couldn't put the client off any further. If my brain is a muscle, it's all buff and ripped now. Plus pooped.

This experience showed me how important my ADHD coping strategies were. I was able to rely on them because I had ingrained them. When focusing on tasks while confused, I quiet the din in my head by focusing only on one task. It helps me plod forward despite distractions. Also, when concentration is difficult to achieve, I plan in breaks. That's what I did last night as I worked in 20-25 minute blocks. I pushed forward only after each break. It was important to make sure that the breaks were timed, too.

Next week, more blogs. This weekend I will happily work on my Depression book and nothing else. All that freelance work has shown me the importance of nurturing my own garden.

~Dˢ

March Goes Out Lame

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 23:29:10 PDT

Friday - Entry 29:

Where to begin?

It is Day93. My energy levels seem to be returning, though the deep cough lingers. My lungs still burn as if I had just come down with bronchitis. I am still physically inactive, which is difficult as March goes out like a lamb with warm breezes and sunny days. I hope to go to church this Sunday and brave exposure to friendly, smiling people. If only I wasn't also suffering from a really bad haircut.

I must admit. It was a truly bad haircut. Each day I struggle with it to look halfway decent, but it seems to have been cut to enhance all of my cowlicks in the most unflattering ways possible. The hairs stick out here and there as if i had been trimmed by a blind gardner with a weed wacker. My vanity is deeply wounded…

…but not as deeply wounded as my beloved minivan.

On Wensday the 20th, the same day my blog passed the 300,000 unique visitor mark, my minivan was on its way to Unique Auto Body. I had been driving out of my building complex when a young lady coming the opposite direction took a left turn right in front of me. I did my best to react in time, and likely avoided further injury, but I wasn't able to clear her car. She clipped my front end severely. Everyone was all right. Nobody needed to go to the hospital. Yet my minivan was not so lucky.

I have seen worst crashes in my many years on the road, but my minivan is ten years old and only worth $1700, apparently. If the repairs cost more than the minivan is worth, it'll be scrapped. And I'll be looking at a car payment. Oh, joy.

I have spent the past week recovering from the accident, reminding me how frail I have become. My 46th year has not been an exemplary one so far. The accident exacerbated my illness, started me ticking for a few days, and has left me addled and weak. I like to believe that today marked a turning point for both the recovery and the recuperating.

I had intended to bang out six keyword freelance assignments tonight and list items on eBay to make rent next week, but instead I spent the evening caring for my sick daughter who is on an IV in the ER for dehydration. She sleeps now thanks to the medications, but vomiting twelve times took a toll on her body and my heart. After five hours of sickness and exams, it seems it was nothing more than a stomach virus. Soon I'll be taking her home.

Strangely, I am upbeat. Exhausted, but upbeat.

Despite all the drama, the most wonderful thing happened to me this week: I completely forgot about Spring Break. I've had my girls this week ALL DAY LONG. It is true that they have eaten my cupboards bare. I joked with others that my cupboards were so empty, we were sanding the shelves down for “oatmeal”. It is also true that I haven't been able to get a single thing done on my writing until the li'l insomniacs retired each night, leaving me haggard and worn out. But. I have had the most wonderful week with them.

My daughters are rays of sunshine in an otherwise bleak world. I may be more productive next week, but I will miss their light terribly. They ground me and give my life purpose. I sorely need that as I handle financial difficulties on top of this infernal chronic illness. It is my hope that the deathly hands of Winter will finally loose their grip on me, allowing Spring to give my health wings to soar.

That may have to wait until next week, however. For tonight, my daughter needs me to take her home, and I'll dip into the rent money to get her ginger ale & saltines while she recovers. Even if March goes out lame for me, I couldn't be happier.

~Dˢ

Can God Help You Go Beyond Blue?

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 07:30:04 PDT

I wanted to share with you a blog that I have been aware of for years. It is called Beyond Blue and is written by author Therese Borchard.

I find Therese's exploration of the intersection of faith and depression very interesting even if I don't share the same faith as her. I used to comment there years ago, but found myself drawn into fights with her readers, some of who branded me as "the Secret guy"—named after that once popular book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne—because of my belief that depression can be overcome with positive thinking and recognizing your triggers. Since I am still hypersensitive to psychotropic meds, this is the philosophy that has helped me survive depression. I don't believe in a sentient Universe awaiting my every wish like some genie in a bottle as The Secret suggests. I believe that positive thinking puts us in the proper mindset to fight depression and win. And truthfully, I feel that my approach to fighting depression was inspired through prayer.

But I have a snarky streak and would let it fly in Therese's comments section, especially when her readers brought the fight into my comments section. After a while I questioned whether my contribution to the contention was constructive or Christ-like, so I kept myself away from her blog. Because of that I missed out on many excellent articles by her. Therese's posts linking back to me were always respectful, if not a little bemused. Revisiting her blog today shows me she still has keen insights into the intersection of faith and depression.

Many people struggle with depression from the point of view of faith. Sometimes, faith is the key to help them in their struggles to manage and even overcome the darkness. Others find themselves in a crisis of faith because of the darkness, blaming their Heavenly Father for their condition. Most people seem to bounce between the two. If you accept faith in a Christian God as key to managing your moods, you may find Therese's writings of interest. She offers a calm perspective that supports faith in the face of adversity.

Therese writes frequently and always with substance. I think you will enjoy her writing. Drop by her blog for a visit and come back and let me know what you think.

Too Many ADHD Voices in My Head

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 02:57:30 PDT

If you follow my blog, then you know I've been working on writing a book for quite some time. Actually, I've finished quite a few of them. I've got a handful of picture book manuscripts finished, as well as a middle grade novel. They weren't very good so I put them aside. I also began working on an ADHD book last year as well as a Depression book. I started a new middle grade novel, too. Of course, there's this blog, and soon I will blog on an additional website as well as a SciFi entertainment review site, both paid gigs. And I write in a journal. Two of them. There's also the freelance web content work I do. I also dump my mind into Path on a daily basis, as well as other social networks.

I write.

A lot.

However, there was only so much time in any given day, so when something had to give in my schedule it was usually my personal book projects. It should have been Twitter, but Twitter was easy and writing books was not. So I decided to focus on one book instead a bunch of them simultaneously, and I am now happily progressing on my Depression book. With me so far?

This article today isn't about juggling multiple assignments, but it is about the downsides of Multi-Irons Syndrome. I discovered I wasn't working with my ADHD, but against it. Because of that, my writing voices were cross-pollinating.

How was I working against my AD/HD?

My blogs are cheeky yet concise. My novels are whimsical & descriptive. My technical writing is fact filled and sales-speaky. My journals are often pretentious. And my social media writing mood is all over the map. Writers refer to this as voice. Each type of writing has a style, and within that style each author has his or her own unique voice—the sound you hear in your head as you read. Establishing a strong and individual voice is paramount to success as a writer. It was something that I strove for, except that when I worked on multiple projects at a time my technical writing became cheeky & whimsical, my novels became mechanical, and my journals and blogs were all over the map. My voices were getting mixed up.

The problem was that I was having a hard time switching gears. Aside from doing too much—which I handled successfully by pruning projects—my voices were commingling because I couldn't switch from one style of writing to another fast enough. They overlapped.

Switching gears is a process that is quite hard for me. One way that ADHD affects me is that I get stuck on one train of thought. It takes so much effort to get into that gear that when I need to switch gears it can be a slow and discomforting process. I limped along, but I had to re-write my work a lot.

Last month I decided to do an experiment and prewrote all my blogs in the first week of February. Then I scheduled them to be published later. Next, I focused on my freelance gigs. Then I worked on my book. I completed every writing task, and I didn't have voice issues. By working on one type of writing at a time, my voice stayed the same. But by staying in one voice at a time, I got more work done because I had to switch gears less.

Most of you aren't writers, so this article may not apply directly to you. However, I hope that you come away with some ideas on how to work with your ADHD instead of against it. Sometimes ADHD fear of failure drives us to work doggedly on projects that aren't well suited for us. Or we spend so much energy fighting with ourselves to get something done that we don't leave any mental room for improvement. Still others focus on improving methodology so much that they can't ever finish anything. ADHD can create a myopia of focus unless we learn how we work best.

Next time you find yourself working against yourself, go for a walk, talk out loud if you need to, and figure out how you work best, then make changes to accomodate your strengths. Does that sound easier said than done? It isn't. All of us have the ability to do this. We just need to make time for it. Then you can find your own unique voice and be the best you.

Can an iPhone App Cure Depression?

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 07:30:01 PDT

I was contacted recently by a group taking research data on Depression and turning it into an app. The research was by Harvard scientist, Diego Pizzagalli. Using MRIs and EEGs, he noticed certain parts of the brain light up in response to antidepressants and psychotherapy. If those parts of the brain weren't lighting up, then the treatment wasn't working. So he asked himself, "Is there another way to light up those parts of the brain?" He and a group of app developers formed BrainTracer and created MoodTune, an app that, if played for 15 minutes a day, will replace medical treatments for some people.

You can read more about it over at Popular Science. It sounds promising, but I'd have to see it at work before getting too excited. Also, their payment scheme is pricey and puts the app out of reach for my budget, though you might find it acceptable if you were already paying for medication. Users basically subscribe to the app. There is a kickstarter project up and running over at Indigogo to get funding to bring the app to market.

Take a look and let me know what you think.

300,000 Unique Readers!

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 15:46:45 PDT

Visitor Map from a Small Slice of a March Day

I just wanted to take a moment to mark this event. Today my blog crossed over the 300,000 unique visitor line.

Three Hundred Thousand Unique Visitors!

I don't count page loads because many of you find my blog then dig through the archives for a while. I'm counting unique individuals from all over the world who have come by to read what I have to say. It's humbling. When I crossed 50,000 in 2007, I thought that was a big deal. When I crossed 100,000 in 2008 I thought that was a big deal, too. Now I don't know what to think.

300,000. Wow.

I want to thank all of you for hanging in there with me. For reading. For commenting. And for sharing. Thank you.

(This blog was written on Thursday, March 28, 2013 4:44:44 PM)

ADHD: Taking Your Nervous Energy Out for a Walk

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 07:30:02 PDT

Never mind that I already went out for a 2 mile walk tonight. My nervous system feels positively oppressed. I need to feel the wind on my face and the ground moving under my feet. The stars fight to be seen above the city lights, but I just tonight found a place to lie down and watch the stars in private. I remember how cool the grass was on my hot skin after my brisk walk, and I look forward to getting worked up like that again. Then I can rest in my new spot, let my eyes adjust to the semi-darkness, and see the stars pop out one by one from the gray sky.

But not for long. Soon I'll need to leave stargazing behind and walk, walk, walk. If I still had nervous energy built up after that, I could work out or dance or climb stairs. Or write. Or clean. Anything but give in to the boredom.

Sleep? I can't do that. I'm too restless.

Hallowell & Ratey list this quality as one of the hallmarks of Adult ADHD.

16. Restlessness
One usually does not see in an adult the full-blown hyperactivity one may see in a child. Instead, one sees what looks like “nervous energy”.

Let's see…

☑ Pacing
☑ drumming of fingers
☑ shifting positiong while sitting
❏ leaving a table or room frequently
☑ feeling edgy while at rest

I experience four out of five of those frequently. I've also noticed that as an adult I am more mentally fidgety than physical. If you doubt me, just catch a glimpse of me from the side. Not svelte by any means.

I have found, though, that there seems to be two types of restlessness. When I am physically restless, like now, a spurt of physical activity calms the mind and soothes the ADHD soul. When I am mentally restless, I seek more sedentary pursuits. I can lose myself in a book or a TV show because it engages my mind, especially binge watching on Netflix. Reading news sites is my binge reading. Above all, I find escapism captures my attention when I'm mentally restless better than more intellectually edifying subjects like documentaries or books on politics.

Still, sometimes nothing beats going out for a walk, run, or bike ride, even if I'm mentally restless. I also enjoy going for a ride in my car at those times. Motion, especially rapid motion, soothes my edgy feelings. It allows me to think and to uncoil from pent up stress. Motion frees my mind. This is likely why I pace when I talk on the phone. It is why sit down jobs are painful for me unless they engage my mind. And this is why an 8am two hour lecture on the subject of drawing almost killed me in college.

How does ADHD restlessness affect you? Have you found remedies? Share them with us below. In the meantime, I'm going out for another walk.

When Life Tosses a Surprise at Me

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 07:30:01 PDT

Tuesday - Entry 28:

The sudden sound of a freight train with rusty wheels filled my living room. I put down my edits and ran to the balcony to see what was making such a loud racket at 3am. I live by a lumberyard complete with train tracks, but have never seen any trains use them in the year and a half I've been here. I assumed they were long abandoned for flatbed trucks—along with the rusted grain silo and weather worn buildings.

But there it was backing into the lumberyard. A train! I ran outside to get a better look. Like a little boy I was thrilled to see the train so close to my apartment complex—right on the other side of the wall. I arrived just after it quickly picked up its load.

As the train pulled away I followed it to the corner of my parking lot and watched it head off into the night. Then I walked around my complex typing on my iPhone the last edits for my blog post. There was a slight drizzle, and the faint but certain scent of Spring was in the air. For the first time in days, I was happy even though I was alone.

Then I headed home before the cold and the rain set my sickness back.

I do not regret going out, even if I do get sicker. These are the moments that make memories. I live for the opportunities when life tosses a surprise at me and I am able to catch it. My world can be somewhat mundane. I am grateful when life turns that world upside down and reminds me there is still magic in it.

~Dˢ

What Are the Best Depression Blogs for 2013?

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 22:10:01 PST

Today I wanted to share with you an excellent list of blogs that cover Depression and Bipolar Disorder. It was put together by the folks over at the Depression Treatment Center.

Somehow, I ended up on the list. I think it's a mistake. But they assured me I belonged there. I guess you'll have to be the judge. The list has some of the same blogs I've seen on lists like these before, like Beyond Blue by my old blogging friend Terese Borchard, but there are some new ones in there I was excited to learn about. Fighting the Darkness looked interesting, as did Beyond Meds & The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive. This is by no means the best of them. They're all excellent from what I could see from a cursory glance. I invite you to visit the Best Depression Blogs of 2013 and see for yourself.

~Dˢ

I Reach Out to the World

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 15:58:59 PST

(I am listening to “All This Time” by Sara Watkins and other melancholy tunes as I process my thoughts about yesterday.)

Thursday - Entry 27:

After a full day of parent-teacher meetings, a church meeting, and an emergency school meeting with family at my old home, I was pretty pooped for the day.

It was Day70. I still struggled with a bronchial cough and limited energy. A test on Monday had ruled out allergies as my problem. I still had left a CT scan and a blood test for weak immunities to complete. The day had been a beautiful one, and I had been in high spirits. I had received a check from some freelance writing I had done. I had a contract for a new paid blogging gig awaiting my attention. My children loved me. I had positive experiences with my daughters' teachers. And nobody had tried to kill me while I drove around—a rare event. Yet those high spirits had set with the sun. As midnight encroached, a darker mood came along with it.

Despite the drizzle, I decided to go for a walk to clear my head and uplift my mood. Walking & talking always helps set my mind right. I'm not sure why except that my ADHD mind needs to vocalize my thoughts when things become complicated. Otherwise, they remain a jumble tumbling around my brain.

I charted my walk by taking pictures in Path since it had just been updated that day with new camera filters, and I posted many of my photos to Twitter. (You'd have to join me on Path to see them all. nudge…nudge…) And I prayed and thought and walked until the drizzle stopped, and I had as much winter as I dared.

Yet my spirits remained down, and I stayed awake reading news and fiddling on my computer until 5am. It wasn't a great day for my battle against insomnia.

And now you have been given a peek into my mind for the previous evening. The setting has been given concrete details with evocative imagery that I hope paints my mood in somber colors, but with a palette of more than black.

I wonder why I share as I do. And, because my heart is still aching with sadness from seeing my replacement, I think “Why do you share your feelings like this online? Isn’t this just vanity? Who cares about photos taken in the middle of the night? Who cares about “evocative imagery” painted in “somber colors”? Who cares how you deal with Depression?”

Apparently, a lot of people do. My blog is approaching the 300,000 unique visitor mark. I'm getting over 4000 unique visitors a month—over 50,000 a year—which is not a small number. I realize that there are bigger blogs out there, but considering I started with just me, my mother, and my ex-mother-in-law eight years ago, it is a great accomplishment. I also realize that half of those visitors are interested in my writings on ADHD. Not everybody shares co-morbid conditions of ADHD & Depression. But I do. So I write about it.

In fact, I recently received an award for being a top Depression blogger. They said my blog was “raw and evocative…” and an easy choice. I should be on top of the world…

…yet I'm still sad.

Now, before you leap in to give me advice, I know that Depression is just a trick of the mind—a misfiring of chemicals. Depression is the malefic jester who pulls the rug out from under you and laughs as your heart tumbles down the stairs. But the stairs are not real, so I don't share online to find comfort. I know that Depression will pass, and happiness is around the corner. I'll pick myself up and dust myself off. I always do. I know this as well as I know that my heart will mend.

I've written about the difference between sadness and depression before. I recognize that the intensity—and shall I say theatrics?—of my sadness come from Depression. So logically I tell myself that all is not as bad as it seems. So yesterday I did smiling exercises and went for a walk despite the drizzle and strove to lift my spirits back up. In regards to my lost marriage, I wasn't pining for the past because it changed. I was pining for being a person who was loved—for that intense union of two spirits commingled in happiness. And then I realized one reason why I share so much online.

I share to not be alone.

I reach out into the world and make my mark with whatever colors my palette has at the moment. Sometimes the colors are neon bright and splash out in a cacophony of whim & distraction. Sometimes they are the muted tones of sunset, gloriously toned with a golden hue. Sometimes they are inspired by the dead of night in dark blues, plums, and burgundy. But always I share. It's how I fight off the artificial tones of sadness that counterpoint my life.

I'm not always understood, but I am glad to know that I do reach people with my writings. In this way I am not alone. I hope to continue to share even when love returns to my life and my palette changes into brighter, more sanguine tones. I might not take pictures of lonely train stations then. Instead I would choose more upbeat imagery. My mood would have changed, but my need to share will likely remain because of my need to reach out and connect with others.

And I'm alright with that.

Exploring ADDer World

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 07:30:01 PST

This week I'd like to point you in the direction of Bryan Hutchinson's vibrant community over at ADDer World. The forums are very active, especially the Adult ADHD forum with posts daily. If you are looking to connect with others who share AD/HD in common, this is a great place to start.

What I really enjoy about Bryan's site is his collection of free ebooks on dealing with ADHD and self-esteem. Whereas other folks like me blog about ADHD, and even more take to Twitter and microblog about it, Bryan publishes. He has easily a dozen ebooks and PDFs for you to load into your iPad or eReader. Not only that, but he has his own memoir for sale: One Boy's Struggle: A Memoir: Surviving Life with Undiagnosed ADD

I've taken a look at a few of his free ebooks and they are professionally laid out and full of upbeat information. If you are into ebooks, I'd definitely drop by his site to check them out. You may even find kindred spirits in the forums. If you don't take advantage of either of those features on his site, site members are allowed to host their own blogs there, so there is plenty of material on ADHD to read and many, many people like yourself to relate to.

Four Easy Steps To Drown Out Distractions

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 07:30:02 PST

I recently shared the following on Twitter:

Here's how I'm helping my #ADHD brain ignore distractions today. #howto #vineportraits #favthings #trance vine.co/v/brFMLemlhPX
—Douglas Cootey (@SplinteredMind) February 16, 2013

Drowning out distraction and noise can be difficult for the adult or child with ADHD. I find background noise becomes foreground noise, so I constantly struggle with aural distraction. In fact, my first article published in ADDitude magazine was about the importance of white noise in managing a productive work environment. I've continued to experiment with what is effective for me since then, and I thought I'd share what I do lately:

First, I load up a long vocal trance music playlist into iTunes. I love dance music because it was my first white noise. It also pumps up my adrenaline and helps me work faster. I then drop iTunes audio levels to half way. I do this because I am going to layer the music with real white noise.

Second, I open up SimplyRain in a Flash capable browser. I usually just use their white noise generator, but recently they added a rain generator and I'm absolutely in love with it. I turn the rain noise volume to 85%, the intensity level to 85%, then turn on oscillation to LOW. If I have strong focus, I might turn on the thunder, but generally loud, random booms are a distracting thing and best to be avoided.

Third, we'll need a dedicated screen. Many apps now support full screen mode. I find that so helpful for filtering out distractions. But some apps don't offer full screen mode. For them I launch Mission Control (I use a Mac running Mountain Lion) and create a new desktop. It's super easy in the new operating system. Drift your mouse to the right side of the screen and click on the tab that appears. Now drag your app of choice into the new desktop. In this case I am using an old version of MarsEdit for blogging.

Fourth, I hide the dock so all those colorful icons don't distract me. Right or Control click on the Dock's dividing line and select "Turn Hiding On". Then get to work!

⁂
If you have a setup for your computer that you prefer better, let me know about it in the comments.

Behold. It's An Egg.

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 15:18:11 PST

Pencil sketching on an iPad with Paper—a very impressive app. I can't tell if it was my neurological problems or if it was the app, but this seemed to take longer to render than with pencil on paper. However, I'm fairly pleased. I've finally found an iPad drawing app that feels close to the real thing.

It also felt nice to start and finish something within the hour. Art projects of late have been formidable cliffs of doom that I avoid like Ebola.

I Am Paying For My Daring Today

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 12:55:26 PST

Monday - Entry 26:

Day61. This past weekend, after many days of feeling better, I dared to come out of my hermit’s shell. I let a brother take me to a movie on Saturday, I attended Sacrament Meeting on Sunday, met with my Bishop afterwards, and attended a birthday party. I am paying for my daring today.

New chest cold. Headaches. Body aches. Nausea and fatigue. Feeling flush. Plus my cough has returned. I may have to hole up in my apartment until Spring warms these cold Utah skies. My immunity system—long embattled and weary from the fight—has softened its borders of defense like it’s running its own amnesty program for viruses. My meeting with an immunologist next week can’t come a week too soon.

All of this has me rather discouraged. I do have bills to pay and clothes to buy for my girls. Worldly needs abound. Sixty one days of illness and little work means a very bare bank account with no reserves. I can’t even afford to get my haircut. So I’m justified to sink into despair and lose hope, right?

Well, yes, to a degree I am. But it won’t do me any good.

I think, instead, I will focus on my ThreeDo List.

Reschedule Meeting. — Done!

Finish keyword assignment & submit. — I’ll have to prop myself up, but I’ll do it.

Draw an egg with Paint on my iPad. — I could use a moment of mental relaxation & focus. I have also found that drawing has the added benefit of healing me neurologically. I’ve been ticking a lot this past week, likely due to stress. Drawing an egg isn’t necessarily exciting, but it’s a simple exercise I can do quickly, and I want to do it, so I will.

Then I will pick another list of three things to do, and push forward. Giving into depression is the wrong move for me right now. If I have the will to fight, I should fight.

I’m very glad I met with my Bishop yesterday. I needed a blessing and a renewal of faith in myself. He also encouraged me to place more of my faith in God, so I will work on that today as well. Right after I finish relying on myself.

Spiritually, I’m incorrigible, but I think He understands.

Connecting with the ADHD Academic Advocate

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 10:40:03 PST

I wanted to point you in the direction of a new blog, The ADHD Academic Advocate, written by Nathan Stewart. It's not often that I see myself as an inspiration to others, but apparently my humble writings here touched Nathan over there. You can read about it in his own words.

Nathan's approach to ADHD is different than most. Instead of giving you a list of ten ways to better organize your glove box, or as I often do here, recount humorous anecdotes to help ADHDers not feel bad about being themselves, he thoughtfully approaches ADHD from the needs of the advocate. You won't want to skim his articles. Set some time aside to ponder and chew. There's a lot of meat there to take in.

Aside from being sincerely flattered that my writing can influence another writer, I wanted to make the point that we never know when what we send out into the world will affect someone. Adults with ADHD don't often think about what they say from moment to moment, never mind worry about what affect their words will have in the future. There is the omni-impulsive now that demands commenting on. I'm no different. Yet, as I struggle with unemployment, divorce, single parenthood, and finding my way in this Life2.0 of mine, somewhere along the story of my world I made the mistake of believing I was insignificant. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been so surprised by Nathan's story. Yet as he states in his blog "much of the way we perceive the world around us is partially structured through narratives". We establish those narratives by what we say and write. So it shouldn't be surprising to me that my passionate belief that ADHD can be a managed asset became a narrative that made a mark upon a reader.

What I want you to take away from this today is that we are not insignificant, despite how poorly we may feel we compare to our peers. Low self-esteem seems to go hand in hand with ADHD, at least for some. If you are an adult with ADHD who sits in that camp take a moment today to think about the people who interact with you. Cherish the small moments where others are brightened by your existence. You really don't know what affect you will have on others until long after the moment has passed, so strive to make those moments meaningful. Not everything that comes out of our ADHD mouths is an explosion of verbal sputum. We see the world in different ways, and it's time we proudly shared that viewpoint in a positive narrative that influences the world around us.

Three Easy Ways To Keep On Top of Projects for ADHD Adults

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 07:30:00 PST

I have blogged often about the ADHD adult's tendency to suffer from what I affectionately call Multi-Irons Syndrome. You know… When you are busy working on cleaning the garage, but you also remember you need to research plumping to fix the guest bathroom, and you wanted to sort all your digital photos by date and color, while also making time to fill out your taxes? That sort of thing. There isn't time in the day to get it all done. The thing with ADHD adults is that they don't seem to know that, so they get busy—and very stressed—trying to finish what they started. Meanwhile, they suddenly remember that the car needs to be vacuumed, and who can ignore that glovebox. While you're at it, right?

There are three ways that I'm going to recommend for you to solve this problem.

Don't care. I mean, have you seen what's available on Netflix lately? Wow, that House of Cards. I wish Kevin Spacey was my senator! But in all seriousness, there's only so much time in the day. Pick one project to work on and tuck the others away until you've finished the first one. Then make yourself stop worrying. All the worry in the world won't help you finish 17 projects simultaneously!

If you absolutely cannot focus on only one project at a time, let's try taming your ADHD mutant out-of-sight-out-of-mind power. If you need to remember to prune the mail pile, instead of sitting the pile in front of the door so that you can't possibly ignore it (thus causing your significant other to curse your name every day they jump over it on their way out), tuck the pile neatly away and use colored index cards or Post-it notes instead.

You need things visual to help you remember, right? Choose a wall in a place you will constantly see and place three different colored index cards on it, one over the other with the most important at the top. I use my front door for this and find the brand new super sticky Post-it notes perfect for this. List your three most important projects, one per card, on the wall. Make the letters clean and large. Add a visual cue if you wish. Anything to help you know the task at a glance. Your significant other will likely agree to this if you can promise them this means you'll stop putting the trash bag on the doorstep as a visual reminder from now on. When you finish a task, chuck it and move the others up. You can create a stack of tasks you keep off to the side that you pull from and place on the door as you complete the others, but never more than three at a time. You may enjoy switching between projects to alleviate boredom, but if you have too many active projects you won't finish very many of them.

If you have a smart phone, you probably know about the cornucopia of task managers out there, but todo lists are like junk piles. They tend to accumulate projects over time until they become hard to manage. I have found an app that might be an end to that problem. It's called Finish, and it's available for the iPhone and iPod Touch.

The concept behind Finish is simple. Create some tasks, set the due dates, then get busy on them. Finish will remind you. The app organizes your tasks into three categories: Short Term, Mid Term & Long Term. Each night it will post a notification about which tasks are still due and which tasks changed from, for example, Long Term to Mid Term. Swipe to the left on a task and reveal a submenu. Here's where you can check the task off, give certain tasks visual priority by starring them, change their due date, or share the task to Twitter & Facebook if you so choose. And all of this put together by a programming team still in High School. Very impressive.

Personally, I found the reminders too subtle for my ADDled mind. I went into the Notifications Center and changed the default banner notice to be an alert one. More in my face. Also, you can't change what time the app lets you know when a project slips from one term to the other. The app makes the announcement at midnight during the calendar change. I'm usually up then, but if that's when you're normally asleep you may appreciate the app's subtleness. When you wake in the morning, Finish will have added entries to the Notification Center. You do check your Notification Center don't you?

The downside to an app like this is that it is only affective if you don't put in too many projects. Try to keep it to 3–5. Any more and you're dealing with Multi-Irons Syndrome again. If you absolutely have to put them all in there, make sure to stick the least important projects in Long Term. You can always change their dates later.

Another downside to the app is that entropy rules and if you don't work on your projects, everything will eventually slip into Short Term with red, negative numbers letting you know just how unproductive you are. This is better, though, than the index card system. If you ignore those, they'll fall off the wall and get stepped on & forgotten. Overall, Finish is a great little app perfectly tailored to manage your projects.

It is possible to stay on top of your projects if you have ADHD, especially if you have a tendency to throw more and more irons into the fire. You're going to need to retrain yourself, but any one of the three systems I've mentioned is a great place to start. Soon your doorway will be free of reminder obstacles, your big projects will be behind you, and you'll be checking off new projects one after the other. Right after you clean out that glovebox.

I'm Not Expecting Much, Right?

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 02:24:12 PST

Monday - Entry 25

Sunday is a day of rest, so I did not use my 3do list except to get myself ready yesterday morning. The children arrived and I was quite busy helping them settle in. Interacting with them after two weeks apart was wonderful. I made dinner for the Brownie, Leprechaun & Elf—portabella mushroom pizza. We had a good time together.

Oddly, I felt sicker on Day 54, but I still tried to enjoy their company to the best of my ability. It was Day 55—today—that I was most disappointed in. I was much sicker today. Even though I had slept for seven hours, I was neurologically off as well. There was even an underlying low note of depression. Gee, I wonder why. It's never a joy to tic uncontrollably, but I had big plans for myself & my 3do list today, so I found the setback very disappointing. All is not lost, however. Now I know my 3do list isn't a miracle cure for cancer, it can't establish world peace, and I can't rely on it to get rid of greasy stains.

The Depression wasn't linked to any event, so I used my coping tools to sweep it away under a metaphorical rug, then got on with my day. Thank goodness the Leprechaun was so helpful. She did extra work, and I rewarded her magnanimous generosity with extra TV time. Since shared that TV time with me, it was win-win.

Over the weekend I also found several references to Stephen Covey's top three, which didn't surprise me. First of all, I used a modified version of Covey's task list system. I just utilized whatever todo list app I was using to set my top three as “high priority”, not “A”. I then tried to only have five with medium priority, Covey's “B”, then dump the rest in low priority, “C”. Anything with no priority didn't waste my time. Because of his inspiration I already had a top three to experiment with. Bless you, Mr. Covey.

Secondly, my 3do list solution was so amazingly simply that I was surprised nobody had thought of it before. In fact, I was certain that others already had and that my only “innovation” was to separate the top three into their own list. Then a reader of my blog shared with me an app that did exactly that, though it was intended for three top tasks per day. My 3dos were a bit more hyper.

And now it is no longer Monday and I must hurry off to bed. There are buses and doctors and grumpy children to deal with in the morning. I will need my wits about me, especially if I hope to make something of my day alone while the girls are away. This is my new system's big test. Can it work while I juggle single parent duties? Can it help me find more clients for my web content freelance work? Will it help me make my goals of finishing and publishing books, or will I simply find it super spiffy at knocking off chores? I need this epiphany to mean something. I need to see my life transformed by this. I have hope—glistening-eyed, starry, smiley hope—that my 3do list system will help me be the productive person I not only want to be, but the person I desperately need to be.

3dos helped me write all of February's blogs for A Splintered Mind and my new gig over the weekend. Now I want to see it help me finish my assignments, earn some extra dough to buy the kids clothes, pay my bills, and maybe help me improve our quality of life. I'm not expecting much, right?

~Dˢ

Better Than ToDos, I'm Calling Them 3Dos.

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Sat, 16 Feb 2013 17:19:09 PST

Saturday - Entry 24:

Come explore hyperfocus with me today. I have learned something that may benefit all of us.

There is a mystical ADHD superpower called hyperfocus. As rare as unicorns, hyperfocus can flit in and out of our lives. Adults with ADHD are often accused of tuning out, but in reality we are usually hyper tuned in to something that excites & engages our minds. Sometimes hyperfocus is good because we accomplish so much while we are doing it. Hyperfocus gives us clarity and purpose, free from the tyranny of distraction as we bury ourselves into a project and actually complete it.

Last Christmas Eve I had everything laid out for my girls. I was completely prepared for the morning. I suddenly realized I had time for that extra project. I could make those bookmarks for the girls. I began to get excited, even if it was in the early AM. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I grabbed my watercolor pencils, paper, and stencils, marked out my bookmark borders, stared at the page for a moment, then began working in a mad fury. Within 45 minutes the bookmarks were done. I was on fire. By the time the girls woke up, the bookmarks were dry and ready for delivery.

Why couldn't all my projects go that way? I have been wondering a lot about that since that day.

For years I have unsuccessfully tried to tap into this power, but it seemed that the only time that hyperfocus happened was when I was enthusiastic and highly driven. I couldn't call upon hyperfocus to do boring things like homework, taxes, and cleaning projects despite how useful it would be. Enthusiasm was key. Also, hyperfocus wasn't always helpful since I could easily ignore important things going on around me while I was in the zone.

Did I really want hyperfocus with its almost manic enthusiasm and tunnel vision? Didn't I just want instead the clarity that comes with hyperfocus? I thought about that bookmark frenzy and I realized what was different about it than other projects I've undertaken. First, there was a high level of enthusiasm; second, I was highly motivated to finish the project quickly before Christmas morning officially began; and lastly, I could see the end in mind. I had full purpose and focus. Normally, my attention is lost in a fog of noise and distraction. I have to struggle to make it towards the end, gathering my focus like catching an avalanche of bouncing balls falling down the stairs.

Hyperfocus gives clarity; it cuts through the fog. You have a clear idea of what you are doing. Even if distracted, you get back on track easily. Clarity of attention meant that I wouldn't forget what I was doing. I would stay on task no matter what was thrown at me. But seeing the end in mind is usually a result of the enthusiasm and motivation that is part of hyperfocus, isn't it? Then it occurred to me. Since ADHD is an attention inconsistency disorder, the problem was with short term memory.

I have always heard it said that if you had more than three things to remember, you should write them down. Well, the other night I had a whole list of things to complete, but not enough time to do them. It was all written down so I wouldn't forget, but burdened by the list. I wanted to be free to just focus on the important stuff like I do in hyperfocus mode. I suddenly decided to try an experiment. If hyperfocus gave me clarity with enthusiasm, could I find clarity without the enthusiasm if I only tried to keep in mind a few things?

For years I have had one list for the urgent matters, and another task list for remembering everything I needed to do eventually. But even the urgent list would get cluttered. It weighed on the mind. Sure, there were the three top things to do, but then there were the five sorta important things to do and the ten or more not as important things to do, all shouting for attention. It was too much. The list was part of the problem.

So I decided to use Path as a workshop free of Twitter and Facebook distractions, and posted the three urgent tasks as my current project, and decided to focus on those tasks only. Quite by accident I had spun them off into their own list. Then something amazing happened. Despite my sleep deprivation, I kept all three tasks in mind throughout the evening. I had that clarity I had been looking for. And best of all, when I became distracted I would get back on task quicker. It was almost like being in hyperfocus mode!

The problem with the ADHD mind is that it can become overwhelmed by choice or boredom. Therefore hyperfocus is bliss because there is freedom from that mental noise. Hyperfocus is also the reason that ADHD adults often experience depression after success. The clarity is over and our attention flounders. All other times we try to focus there is only fog.

I have tested this out over several days and find this new technique works. Choosing to focus on three tasks only is a way to keep responsibilities in the short term memory, thus increasing productivity. I was very pleased with the results. I finished one list, then chose three more tasks and created a new list. I was even able to switch gears. I don’t know how this will help others, but it may be the ticket to focus I’ve been looking for. Better than ToDos, I'm calling them 3Dos.

I even tested this technique without writing down the tasks—just keeping the three tasks in my head. That worked once, then didn't work afterwards. It seems that writing them down is key for me to register them into my short term memory. Also, sometimes life throws things at you as it did to me during the test. The successful bit is that even though I didn't speedily finish the last list of 3Dos, I still remembered them when I woke up in the morning. That was unusual. Normally I would have to refer to my list.

You may need to keep only one task in that list. Or two. Your experience will differ from mine. And if you can keep 4–5 ideas or more in your head, I'd recommend working with just three anyway. The point is not to prove you have phenomenal short term memory, but to use your short term memory at its max capacity to stay focused on the important tasks at hand. I'll revisit this subject in the next few weeks after I've had a chance to test the system out, but I wanted to share it with you before I did. This simple mental gimmick might be the key I've been looking for all my life to finding better focus and productivity.

~Dˢ

Do I Have ADD? ADHD QUIZ Tries To Give You an Answer

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 01:09:50 PST

Anybody who knows me knows that I have a shrine dedicated to Dr. Edward Hallowell in my library. I have read and reread his books multiple times and loaded them up with so many commentary-filled color Post-It flags that my bookshelf sags from their rainbowy weight. So when I learned that Dr. Hallowell had apps available for the iPhone, I jumped at the chance to download them. They're also available for Android. The first one I'm going to share with you today is ADHD Quiz.

ADHD Quiz is a self-assessment quiz, so if you were hoping to find out how many ADHD kids it takes to screw in a lightbulb, you'll be disappointed*. But if you were hoping to give yourself a once over to see if you have AD/HD, then you'll be pleased.

First, you are greeted with a choice between a short quiz and a long quiz. Short Quiz is "adapted from the 18-question symptom checklist called the Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS v1.1)". Long Quiz's analysis is based on Dr. Hallowell's observations over the past several decades. Short Quiz is comprised of six short questions. Scores are ranked on a scale with "Often" and "Very Often" getting a full point. Get a score of four or more, and the app recommends you see a professional for further testing. I scored 6 out of 6. I may have a problem.

Once you have completed the assessment, the app reveals the "Next Steps" and "Resources" sections. "Resources" gives you links to websites with more information on ADHD. My favorite, though, is "Next Steps". It is simply excellent. There is a 7 step list of diagnosing ADHD, and then there are 24 "Top Tips for Adult ADHD". "Next Steps" is so good, I wish it was accessible from the main screen. The tips are so good they should be available as a poster.

In the top right corner you can select "For Children" which is also filled with excellent advice. Unfortunately, none of this advice is accessible from the main screen of the app. It is only accessible once the test is completed.

Long Quiz has 125 questions to pinpoint your diagnosis with more detail. There is a sense of humor in the questions posed—some subtle, some overt—which helps them not be boring. The assessment of ADHD is made by how high your percentage of "Yes" answers was (Mine was 82%). The Long Quiz also shows the "Next Steps" and "Resources" sections at the end, but 125 questions are a lot to answer just to access a list of resources. Fortunately, there is a "Results" button at the top right, so the quickest way to the "Next Steps" is to start the Long Quiz, then skip to the end.

Overall, I enjoyed the app and found it very useful, especially the "Next Steps" resources. However, the app is text heavy and not laid out well, especially hiding the excellent resources behind the assessments. In this regard, I didn't find the app ADHD friendly. Ironic. It's also a bit thin for a $1.99 app.

I would hope that the developers address these shortcomings in the near future. In the meantime, if you are looking for a useful ADHD assessment test with ADHD resources for adults and children, then I recommend ADHD Quiz.

*Wanna ride bikes?

Frustration Is the Only Constant

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 03:20:20 PST

Sunday - Entry 23:

Day 33. One positive aspect of my recent (and ongoing) bout with illness has been a renewed appreciation for the vast amount of time I actually have available to me. Another aspect has been the refining of my personal drive onto one project to spend that vast amount of time on. I wake up thinking about my current Depression book now and how much work I have left on it. This is such a difference from the usual nightly routine where I remember to work on the book when I’m suppose to be going to sleep.

The shame is that I am finally starting to feel better, but I have the kids now and am having a very difficult time managing my time properly. So all I am accomplishing towards my book goal is waking up thinking about my book, but not really working on it. This is more than frustrating.

Of course, I’ve only had the children for three days and I should cut myself some slack. Juggling personal projects with work and single parenthood is difficult on the best of days, never mind when handicapped by the flu & bronchitis. However, the sickness has been so long-lasting that frustration is the only constant in my life. I live in fear that the clarity I have will evaporate as soon as I’m healthy enough to allow ADHD free whimsical rein to piddle away my precious time on pointless but very interesting pursuits.

Three Ways to Kick ADHD Procrastination to the Curb

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:47:40 PST

One of the lessons I learn from being sick is how precious time is. Normally I don't notice time. It races by me like it's trying to break the land speed record, dragging me bouncing along. However, after 30 days of being sick on a couch coughing my brains out, I began to notice just how much time I wasted. I didn't blame myself for being sick, but I was acutely aware of what I could be doing instead.

Why wasn't I utilizing my time and getting a million amazing things done every day when I wasn't coughing out a lung? The answer was simple: I don't work focused enough. This might explain why I have a hard time finishing projects before I get bored. If ADHD introduces an aversion to boredom into my life, then when work slows down because I don't have a clear gameplan in mind or I am bored, then distractions are bound to happen. Boredom and frustration are walls to success.

Compare that to the wonderful bliss of hyperfocus. When I decided on a whim last Christmas Eve to make bookmarks for my daughters, I pulled out my supplies, laid things out on the table, and whipped the bookmarks out with a flourish. There was a clarity to the work becuase I was I knew what I was doing, and I enjoyed doing it. I could begin with the end in mind. Without that vision, the ADHD adult flounders. Hyperfocus is the ADHD adult's super power, but it's hard to engage when unfamiliarity or excessive tedium take us out of the zone.

Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started is a classic ADHD trait. Our brains seem Teflon coated so that when drudgery or complexity rears its ugly head, the task slides away from our attention as our brain latches onto something more interesting. If we're lucky, we can snap back to attention and refocus, but usually our brain takes us for a ride. There was that time I was a pasteup artist for a newspaper. I had emptied the bin and had nothing left to paste up, so suddenly I was wandering around the press room taking in the sites. My boss had a fit. It seems a new page was ready for me while I was a'wandering. At the time I simply couldn't understand why he was so upset. I would handle things differently now.

So how do we kick procrastination to the curb? Unlike painting bookmarks, for example, most tasks for me seem pretty dull to complete. You will likely have your own list of easy tasks and rather-eat-my-own-foot tasks. If I can't rely on hyperfocus to help me through to the end, I need to give my ADHD mind a boost. I use one of three tools to help me overcome the boredom and flounder less. First, failure and the resultant embarrassment are usually good motivators to keep me on task. Nothing keeps your nose to the grindstone better than imagining the look on your boss or client's face when you haven't finished what you needed to. Second, I have found that when a task seems overwhelming or chock full of stumbling blocks, I need to resort to a task list or outline. It helps me see the big picture so that I can move forward with faith and better clarity. Also, by breaking the project down into smaller steps, I can focus on the individual stages. Lastly, timers can be immensely helpful, especially if utilize them to help you race through the individual stages of a project.

You may need to experiment to see which motivating gimmick works best for you, but eliminating opportunities for boredom to derail your focus is key. Then you stand a better chance of engaging your hyperfocus and finishing the project quickly. Time is precious. We ADHD adults squander it too accidentally. Some mental spinning in place can be therapeutic when we are tired from a day of fighting for focus, but when procrastination interferes with our self-esteem and happiness, it is time to take back control of our time.

Worth the Struggle

noreply@blogger.com (Douglas Cootey) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 01:19:39 PST

Cough No.2

Tuesday - Entry 22:

Today is day Day 21 of my bout with the flu and bronchitis. For a while we thought I had pnuemonia, but my doctors seem to be conflicted on that diagnosis. Certainly my lungs don't show the precense of pnuemonia now, so perhaps we caught it in time. The weekend after New Year's was a scary one indeed, full of gasping and bloody sputum. I've had bronchitis repeatedly through my life. That was not bronchitis.

Being sick is all I've managed to do well these past three weeks. Today I showered for the first time in a few days, then had to sit down. I watched an episode of Downton Abbey, then got up to eat afterwards. I'm afraid I only managed to set out some fish to thaw before I had to sit down again.

I have had better days with more energy, but it seems one of the distinguishing characteristics of this blasted flu is intermittant wellness. Still, I honestly feel that I am getting worse, not better.

Twenty one days of this is a bit much to deal with. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't discouraged or feeling down. But I press on. I'm bound to get better despite the setbacks, and one day I'll look back on this as if it were a misty dream. For the time being, however, I am finding it challenging to fight off Depression. My spirits aren't at their highest.

In general some days will always be harder to manage Depression than others. Life throws various things at us and not all of them are good. Sometimes some days are just harder for no reason at all. I'm glad I have good friends to call on those days. I've certainly made use of them every few days these past few weeks to keep my spirits up. It is also nice to have family that loves me. Out of the blue tonight my 18 year old sent me a sweet text that made my night.

I am likely paying today for my efforts to get out and about on Monday. I know, driving to the ER is such a frivolous thing. What was I thinking? My efforts granted me an inhaler and a prescription for a new cough syrup. Unfortunatley, the cough syrup was unavailable anywhere. This flu has hit everybody hard. It took a bit of time to get an alternative to the pharmacist from the ER. However, it is powerful stuff. Knocked me out for nine hours. I woke up at 3:30pm today rested but discouraged. Already the daylight felt like it was fading.

Instead of getting down, I called one of my daughters to see how she was doing. I had just learned she had been in a small car accident, so I wanted to touch base with her immediately. She was fine, but so wasn't I after the phone call. Caring for others before yourself has the surprising effect of lifting your spirits I have found. Like the Grinch's expanding heart, our capacity for happiness can grow when we reach outside of ourselves.

Unfortunately, talking to my daughter on the phone triggered my first coughing attack of the day, so I needed to do something else to keep my spirits up. I decided to fight off Depression by exercising my creativity. I took a picture of myself coughing, then I put it through a barrage of iPhone camera app filters before I was happy with it. Thank ADHD for the whim. My “Cough No.2” may be silly, but it did the trick. I was in better spirits.

Depression can settle over us like a heavy blanket which can be difficult to cast off after a while. That is why I fight to be on top. It is hard work, but I've lived life under that blanket before. I find the battle worth the struggle every time.