The Screaming Banshee

Proofreading is a dying art

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 22:48:00 +0000

After writing this, I received a joke email. I thought it would fit in perfectly.

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Really? Ya think? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far! -----------------------------------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy! ---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! ------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial! ---------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect! ------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?! -----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought! ----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something! -----------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? -----------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge! ----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

If The Name Fits!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 06:22:00 +0000

I was reading through the wonderful world of blogs last night when I came across this website. This site belongs to Anna Raccoon.

I was reading her blog and to my surprise (jaw hitting the floor), I read about Martin Cullip who has had enough of the shit we are in now and is standing for Parliament. His local newspaper (Sutton Guardian) published an article about all the election candidates in the Sutton and Cheam Constituency.

Everyone received a glowing write up (including John Clarke from the BNP), but to my surprise Martin Cullip's write up was the most spiteful piece of journalism I have ever seen in my life.

Martin Cullip, Libertarian
Plays with Surrey Darts team and helps maintain their Toe The Oche website.
The website cites his hobbies as The Cranberries, AFC Wimbledon and "running across all eight lanes of the M25 at junction eight, dressed only in a basque and a pair of Pretty Polly 15 denier stockings.

I was a little bored last night and wasn't tired so I thought I would try a few family members names on a anagram website

I then thought I would try the name of the journalist that wrote the story about Martin Cullip. Her name is Julia Kennard. What I found, I thought was quite apt for the political shit she had written...

Julia Kennard - ANAL, DIRE JUNK

If the article fits eh Julia.

I do hope Martin has made a noise about the article that was written. Hopefully she gets the sack and has trouble finding another job for the rest of her life.

Never mind Julia, I'm always in need of a housekeeper :-)

TICAP

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 12:52:00 +0000

Dick Puddlecote is in The Hague today reporting on the events at the annual TICAP meeting.

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 12:37:00 +0000

Today is the day!!!

I am waiting to hear how the start of the trial is going.

I will add more as I hear it.

Update!!

The three murderers are still in jail.

1 is trying to get off and his case will be heard on May 7th. The other 2 are going to trial on September 7th.

Dogs and Owners are Shit

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 12:43:00 +0000

I stepped out of my house this morning to go to work to find a nice newly made steaming pile of dog shit on the grass verge by my car door.

This isn't the first time since December this has happened and as someone who likes the occasional cigarette who has been asked to go outside as I am killing everyone who passive smokes (WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT) I would like to put it forward to the government that I think all dogs should be banned.

Dogs are bad for my health as when they bark they hurt my eardrums and could burst the drum and when they come near me I could inhale some loose fur and it could clog the back of my throat and be inhaled into my lungs stopping me from breathing and dying late into my 90's.

So you anti smoking wankers and you anti drinking toss pots think about what you are saying and doing to people who deserve to smoke if they so choose.

BAN ALL DOGS - just because I don't like them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Total Opposite with Health and Safety

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:17:00 +0000

Christmas Songs

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 10:35:00 +0000

I was sent this this morning by my boss. This made me smile.

Please bear the following in mind when choosing music over the Christmas period:

The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc., gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose?
And if you ever saw him,you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Merry Christmas :-)

Prescott Sheds a Tear

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 11:11:00 +0000

John Prescott sheds a tear after he finds out his Great, Great, Great Grandfather had children with his Great, Great Grandmother.

He is moved to tears when he learns his great-great grandmother, Athaliah Parrish, bore four children while living with her widowed father, Thomas.

Does this explain why Prescott is the way he is?

You decide :-)

I Love Country Music

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 10:53:00 +0000

This made me laugh. I received this on Friday whilst I was at work and had to put it on here.

LOL LOL!!!!!!!

Ben Gardner - Murdered 30/10/2009

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:56:00 +0000

This wonderful, kind hearted, caring man was brutally attacked and murdered on 30th October 2009.

He was protecting his girlfriend after she had her witches hat stolen by a group of gutless, wankering thugs.

2 people have been arrested and a post mortem has been held.

It was a tragic day when this happened. It is also said that 2 other people were killed that night in other parts of London.

What have the government done to the youth of today?

The 2 people who have been arrested for the murder of Ben Gardner were both unemployed fucktards who have plenty of money to burn on a piss up on a Saturday night.

I remember when I was unemployed (it was only for a short time), it was a nightmare buying food for the fridge, never mind being out on the piss at 3.30 in the morning.

As I have known Ben for 13 years, it was a major shock to find this news out on the news. As Mr Banshee said I crumpled and collapsed as if someone had taken my legs away.

I had only seen Ben a couple of weeks before where my 9 year old daughter met him for the first time and fell in love with him.

Ben was the softest man you could ever meet. He was always wearing his leather jacket and his smile shone always.

I will be updating as I find out more information and all I can say about the murderers "Rot in Hell and I hope you get what you deserve. Hopefully you will get your heads kicked in whilst you are in prison."

R.I.P Ben, you will be missed forever and everyone will love and miss you always. xxx

Jordan

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:30:00 +0000

HAS SHE GONE!!!!!!!!!!

This stupid fucking tart has just had to rush her son into hospital as he is very ill, but she has just flown to Australia for I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

So which sucker has she got her sights on this time?

Is Harvey ill or was it just a story to make people feel sorry for her?

Was it a plan to try to get Peter back?

No-one will ever know as Jordan has decided getting her tits out on tv is more important than being there for her family.

This poor child needs love and 24/7 care not to be dumped on any fucker who can be bothered to look after him as his mother cannot.

Everyone I speak too feels sorry for the children that have to say Jordan/Katie Price is their mother.

People like Jordan need to be put down.

Pineapple

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:16:00 +0000

Since 8 o'clock this morning I have had a mouthwatering hankering for pineapple.

I used to be like this for chocolate, but for some reason all I can think of is pineapple.

Pineapple rings, pineapple chunks and the lovely sharp pineapple juice.

Dick does it again

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:34:00 +0000

Having a read around today I have come across this post

How can this evil woman, Jacqui Smith, get away with what she has done. It isn't as if she woke up one morning and it had happened.

I know from experience that a small mistake can lead into all hell braking loose.

I was interviewed by the police and questioned for hours over a measly query they had.

Jacqui Smith should be locked up for what she has done.

FUCKING BITCH!!!!

Conspiracy or Not?

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 11:13:00 +0000

FIVE CONSPIRACY THEORIES
World Trade Center: Destroyed by controlled explosions or using thermate
Pentagon: Hit by missile rather than airliner
Princess Diana: Murdered rather than being killed by reckless driving on part of Henri Paul
Apollo 11: Moon landings never took place, were staged on earth
JFK: Lee Harvey Oswald not acting alone, part of underworld or wider conspiracy

BBC News has the full story.

In 2006 the Scripps Howard Media Organisation conducted a poll which suggested 36% of Americans suspect there was government involvement or deliberate inaction in the 9/11 attacks.

They also say that 40% believe in a Kennedy conspiracy.

It also showed that 10 years after Diana's death a fifth of the British population believe she was murdered.

I don't have an opinion on the Kennedy conspiracy as it was about 30 years before I was born, so I am unaware of all the details.

I strongly believe that Bush knew all about the 9/11 attacks and did fuck all about it. I also believe that he had the Pentagon targeted too. He would have done anything to make his name big and to make sure his reign in power was remembered. He didn't care if it was for the wrong reasons. He targeted Iraq because of the oil and the money involved. Not taking into account or consideration the amount of people that could and have died.

I have always said that Diana was murdered. I also believe it was Charles who wanted Diana out of the way. He wanted to marry Camilla, but wouldn't do it while Diana was alive and he didn't like the fact that Diana had moved on and was happy.

I would love to know the little bit of information that, if leaked would put everyone and everything straight.

I would love the knowledge.

40 Years of Monty

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 11:57:00 +0000

Monty Python is 40 years old today

Monty Python is known for the Ministry of silly walks and the dead parrot sketch along with the fantastic films.

Wrong or Bond???

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 21:54:00 +0000

Using the anagram website I used in the blog post before I thought I would check out a few other names to see what I came up with.

Gordon Brown came up as Wrong or Bond.

Now how fitting is this? Do people see him as the latest Bond, saving us all or is he a total wrong 'un.

I also thought I would try Kate Garaway.

I thought the anagram website was supposed to change the names into other words, not explain that persons partner.

Kate Garaway - A Weak Gay Rat.

Cottage for Sale

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:33:00 +0000

This is a tale and a half

This wonderful little cottage in Kent is up for sale for £247,000.

It has a great view of the countryside and the one beautiful landmark that has not been mentioned in the listing of the house.

Now who would live in a house like this?

New Windows Messenger

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 22:11:00 +0000

I signed up to the new windows messenger about 3 days ago, since then I have not been able to sign in.

I have followed all the steps and guess what, they don 't fucking work.

Try to email them and you can't get hold of them.

WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE!!!!

Speed Cameras AGAIN!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:03:00 +0000

I am still selling on ebay and thought I would let you know I am still here.

As I had posted before I was questioning why thick people slow down for the speed cameras pointing in the wrong direction.

I have now found out why. I hadn't noticed it before until Friday (been sent home from work ill), driving in the slow lane trying not to pass out I spotted what the problem was.

The council have not removed the road markings. So the speed cameras had pointed in the other direction before, but not anymore.

So this now means that the thick cunts who drive slow thinking that the cameras are pointing in their direction are thicker cunts than I gave them credit for.

Sorry, but these people need to be shot. Problem is they are reproducing!!!!

Just to make you all aware

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 23:44:00 +0000

I would like to inform my readers that I am taking a few weeks off from blogging so I can carry on selling things on ebay.

I also feel that I may be boring with what I blog about, so giving you all a rest :-)

I hope to speak to you all soon.

Love you all

xxxxxx

Patrick Swayze may he rest in peace

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 20:33:00 +0000

A face, a swagger and some films we will never forget.

It was a shock when I heard the news.

I love the song "She's Like The Wind" always makes me smile.

Rest in Peace XXX

NHS Not Bad

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:14:00 +0000

I have said before that my doctors surgery is shit, BUT I may have found a doctor that actually takes notice.

I took my daughter to see the doctor today as she suffers from IBS. We have found out that cheese also makes my daughter suffer. She had severe stomach cramps and was stuck on the toilet for hours all in all over the night and this morning.

She came home from her dads on Sunday and had some bruises on her legs. I instantly asked questions and took pictures.

I made an appointment at the doctors regarding her stomach as I wanted it on her notes that it was cheese that upset her also stress of staying at her fathers.

Whilst we were in the doctors she showed the doctor her bruises and straight away he asked what happened. She explained the whole thing about how her and her dad play fight. The doctor took a close look at the bruises and measured them too. He said that the biggest one looked like a thumb print.

I now have it on record that it happened at her dads house as I am now worried that the way the government has gone, if my daughters teacher (friend of her dads) sees the bruises whilst she is changing for P.E. and she lives with me, I am going to be the first person to blame.

My daughter is always coming home from school covered in bruises, but that is ok. If it happens at home then I am the abuser.

FUCK OFF LABOUR AND LET US LIVE LIKE THE LUCKY PEOPLE IN THE 50'S

This will make any mothers blood boil

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 22:04:00 +0000

I thought you should know, I cried whilst I wrote this. No-one should suffer the way this woman has.

It has been reported today that a mother had to watch her premature son die all because he was born 2 days too early.

Sarah Capewell, 23, had to live the nightmare every mother dreads whilst pregnant. She gave birth to her son Jayden 21 weeks and 5 days into her pregnancy.

Doctors at St James Paget Hospital in Gorleston, Norfolk refused to give Jayden the Intensive Care treatment he needed to survive.

This poor mother had only 2 hours with her son before he died in her arms last October.

Miss Capewell, of Great Yarmouth, said: 'When I asked about my baby's human rights, the attitude of the doctors seemed to be that he did not have any.
'They said before 22 weeks he was just a foetus.

So let me get this right. A woman gives birth to a child that she wants with all her heart and will love more than anything in the world, will probably die for this child is told that this baby has no human rights as it is just a foetus.

But a woman who has been raped or is pregnant and cannot cope if they have this child opts for an abortion before the foetus (hospitals words not mine) is 12 weeks is taking away the foetus' human rights.

Where does this poor woman stand. Fighting for her child, but being told by the people who are supposed to care and help save lives, that there is nothing they can do because he was born 2 days early is disgusting.

She said: 'Because I had not reached 22 weeks, they did not allow me injections to stop the labour or steroid injections to help mature the baby's lungs.'

Why not? She was 2 days off being 22 weeks and what the fuck does it matter?

Miss Capewell was told the baby was likely to be stillborn and as her contractions continued, a chaplain arrived to discuss bereavement and planning a funeral.

How not to fuck with peoples minds. When someone is going through something so traumatic, you stand by them and give them some sort of encouragement. Or so I thought.

'A midwife said he was breathing and had a strong heartbeat and described him as a "little fighter".

'I kept asking for the doctors but the midwife said, "They won't come and help, sweetie. Make the best of the time you have with him."'

Miss Capewell said she had to argue her right to receive birth and death
certificates which meant she could have a proper funeral.

How, how can someone in this profession treat a human being like this?

The medical guidance for NHS hospitals, limiting care of the most premature babies, was drawn up by the Nuffield Council on Bioethics in 2006.

The guidelines are clear: no baby below 22 weeks gestation should be resuscitated.

The latest major study on survival of premature babies shows that at 23 weeks, just 16 per cent will survive - a statistic which has barely changed in a decade.

But Miss Capewell said: 'After Jayden's death, I looked into other cases and I could not believe that one little girl, Amillia Taylor, is perfectly healthy after being born in Florida in 2006 at 21 weeks and six days - and Jayden was heavier than her.

'There are thousands of women who have experienced this.

'The doctors say the babies won't survive but how do they know if they are not giving them a chance?'

She said she had heard heartbreaking stories of babies who lived as long as five days in such circumstances.

'Women who went through it 10 years ago have phoned me up in tears. You can't get past it because no one tried.

'You feel you let your baby down and you are left with that guilt every single day. You feel you should have got out of that bed, you should have gone to another hospital.

I have to admit, I have always been against people changing laws because things have happened to their lives and they want people to suffer, just in case it happens to them, but I do think things need to be changed here and all the medical staff at the St James Paget Hospital that stood by and watched this helpless child die should all go up against the medical board.

They should be struck off.

Ebay, Ebay, Ebay, Ebay

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 21:50:00 +0000

Right, I know you don't give a toss how I am getting on with my selling shit on ebay, but do you know what I really don't give two flying fucks :-)

I have never sold anything on ebay before, Mr Banshee has always done it for me so for once I decided to do it myself.

Number Crunching:

36 Items up for sale
3 Items sold
8 Watchers

Woo Hoo, this is so much fun.

Ebay update

noreply@blogger.com (Screaming Banshee) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 12:07:00 +0000

4 watchers and 1 bid.

More to add tonight. This is great fun. Loving every second.

Roll on home time, then I can sell more :-)