The Rantings Of Zarra Okumephuna

Forever

2010-05-15T10:51:00.001-07:00

For OO

We never made this choice

Fate made it for us

And brought us together

-Despite their basket mouth-

To be together forever as one

And just like heaven and earth

We have been glued together

And left with no other option

But to be together as one

And lovingly gaze at each other

Forever

Okumephuna Chukwunwikezarramu

March 6, 2007.

The Foolish Nazis

2010-05-12T05:38:00.000-07:00

On that May 7, 1945

After about six years of non-stop stupidity

The foolish Nazis suddenly realised

The enormity of their foolishness

And just out of the blue

It dawned on their peanut brains

That they have been heiling

A Lunatic-In-Chief called Adolf Hitler

-a coward who took his own life

instead of fighting till the end

to fulfil what his schizophrenic brain

revealed to him is a patriotic mission-

And they developed cold feet

Shamefacedly laid down their weapons

And were smuggled into South America

Via the Vatican by the Pope and his men

Despite the enormity of their sins

Against God and humanity

Till today some are still living underground

Pending when Mossad tracks them down

To face the consequences of their stupidity

And atone for the sins committed against all of us.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

November 11, 2009.

Echidime!

2010-04-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow!

You hold my future in your hands

I therefore stand in awe of you

I stand in awe of you

Not because you can defeat me

But because you are uncertain

Uncertainty comes before a defeat

And it would be a sheer madness to fight with an enemy

You cannot not see or know where he comes from

Or what he comes with

I cannot make a prediction of you

I cannot sneak a look into you

I cannot say what you look like

I can never fathom you

Or defeat you

For fighting against you

Is not like fighting against flesh and blood

But fighting against principalities and power

You are highly elusive!

What manner of creature are you?

What colour are you made of?

Who is so heartless and loveless to cause your being?

What manner of joy does our worry about you give to you?

You are heartless and mean!

Pregnant and unfathomable!

Highly unpredictable and Incomprehensible!

And always come with heartache and headache

Arrogantly showing up with might and main as a knight

And flamboyantly terrorising us with anxiety and angst.

*Echidime is an Igbo Language word that translates into ‘Tomorrow is Pregnant’ in English.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

June 11, 2007.

Am Optimistic!

2010-04-18T03:31:00.000-07:00

Forward ever

Backward never

Onward ever

Looking back never

Am always optimistic

And never pessimistic

I have always been

And would continue to be

For one happy day

Just one happy day

And that day is already at hand

All these trials would become a history

And I will sleep and wake up each day like a king

And no more like a pauper

All labels would suddenly disappear

No more to be called ‘that one’

No more to be denied jobs

No more to be seen as a second-class citizen

No more to be degraded and humiliated

Just because of a piece of paper

That day is nigh

And it is filled with hopes and assurances

At least one would finally be assured

Of a warm comfortable bed devoid of anxiety

A very peaceful night and a bright morning

The freedom to walk along the street

Without the fear of interrogation and deportation

Optimism!

Am optimistic!

That is my strength and my stronghold

My faith and my hope

And it shall not be in vain.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

June 22, 2009.

You Got Me

2010-04-13T03:47:00.000-07:00

At Last you got me

You are importunate

And I admire your persistence

Ever since I heard of you

I have been running away from you

As far as my legs could carry me away from you

But you never relented in pursuing me

You kept your faith and kept pursuing me

Like a hard cock after a wet pussy

Now you have captured me

You have engulfed and taken over me

Am now at your mercy

And soon thou shall render me powerless

Till I finally succumb to your powerful grips

A grip better imagined than experienced.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
May 20, 2009.

Nothing!

2010-04-10T02:17:00.000-07:00

For JMB

Nothing!

Nothing and I mean it

Nothing will ever separate us

Nothing, not even earth

Nothing, not even air

Nothing, not even fire

Nothing, not even water

Nothing that the world says

Nothing and I mean it

Nothing!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
March 10, 2010.

Jesus Christ

2010-04-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

Was Jesus Christ really a man?

Did He ever live with a woman?

Did He ever enjoy doing things as a human?

How about masturbating as a human?

Did He ever have an orgasm?

Just as humans do have orgasm?

If He was really both a man and a God

It then means that as a man He must have snogged!

Did the bible not say He was filled with love?

Which means He must have known one or two things about love?

Wasn’t John the Divine called the beloved apostle?

Does that mean He fell in love with the beloved apostle?

And could that mean He was gay?

Because He never condemned being gay!

Maybe He never read about Sodom and Gomorra

And could also have been ignorant of Gonorrhoea

But He was dearly loved by Mary of Magdala

Even though as a virgin He never saw a vagina

But Mary of Magdala knows too much about orifice?

That is why for her salvation He died on the cross as a sacrifice

Methought Christians claimed He was betrayed by a Jew

And killed only by a few

But the Jews claimed He died of heart attack

Although the Scribes believed it was art attack.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

June 20, 2009

Something Smells Here!

2010-03-20T07:14:00.000-07:00

Something smells here!

And it has a terrible odour

It smells heavily

It is unbearable

It is in the air

You could feel it

It is very infectious

And could give one

Ebola, Onchocerciasis and Cerebrospinal Meningitis-

All at the same time

It seems to come with the wind from Africa

Something horrific and appalling out of Africa

Nasty, foul, disgusting, stinking, fetid, putrid

It still smells

Oh my gosh!

It comes with the wind from West Africa

It is horrible

It is terrible

It stinks like mad

I know it

I thought of it

I should have known it

For that is the only place it could have come from

It is from Nigeria; my poor Nigeria

Yes I know it

My senses are not deceiving me

It is corruption

Nigeria is stinking

Stinking heavily of corruption!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

October 8, 2009.

Another Meaningless Christmas!

2010-03-20T02:20:00.000-07:00

Another meaningless Christmas!

And am sure you are gonna regret this one as usual!

A happy day that has been turned into a sorrowful day!

Some will eat and eat and eat and throw away the leftovers

Even as people are dying of hunger thousands of miles away in Darfur

Others will drink and drink and drink and get drunk and end up in the gutter

Even though somewhere in Ethiopia someone is dying to get a drop of liquid

No matter how dirty, filthy, unclean or bitter to quench his thirsty throat

And here we are overeating, over drinking and over indulging

Not because we really need to but because of our greed

Even when this poor family right the next door

Has got nothing to eat and nothing to drink

Not even an old blanket to fight the cold!

Another season of indulgence for us!

A meaningless Christmas for them!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

December 25, 2009.

Ministry of Education, Nigeria

2010-03-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

Federal Secretariat Abuja, 10:48 Am, October 12, 2009

A very busy Monday morning

In the Federal Ministry of Education

Staff very busy as usual doing nothing

Women occupied with their manicure and pedicure

Laughing and chatting about their weekend exploits

With guys young enough to be their kids

Innocent lads lured into sexual debauchery with some money

Men lusting after young fresh graduates on NYSC

Sizing up their boobs and bums

Security men and drivers having endless break

Smoking skunk at the car park

And whispering about their recent sexual exploits

With girls young enough to be their granddaughters

Directors feasting voraciously on akara and bread

As if there would be no tomorrow

Just like a lion over a coveted carcass

Army of babies crawling and crying here and there and yonder

While other battalions are playing with computer cords and printer cartridges

The scenario is actually not surprising because they make babies here everyday

Courtesy of the lecherous and lascivious directors

Permanent Secretary chatting with his mistress on the Facebook

Smiling and laughing out aloud to nobody but to himself

Showing widely his snuff-stained 32 like that of a gorilla

Press Secretary admiring the semi-nude picture of the Guardian correspondent

And grinning like a pervert on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted Fugitives

While the minister is busy attending to urgent matters

In his locked-up office with the education reporter of the NTA

Meanwhile

The ASUU is on strike

And has been since the last six months

Students therefore have no other option

But to stay at home too

Endless negotiations have been going on for ages

An opportunity for both parties to exhibit their lucubration

Professors want pay rise

But the minister says there is no money

Even as

He hosts litany of parties here and there

The real Owambe parties

One in honour of his late great grandfather

And the other to celebrate the arrival of his wife’s seventh child

And that was barely a month after having one for the fourth of his mistress

All to the tune of about Ten Million Naira

And yet the professors and students are at home

And he says there is no money to meet their demands

By the way

After attending to the urgent matters with the NTA Reporter

He came out with a huge hard-on

And some stuffs that look like congealed milk on his trousers

And the 22-year old reporter was busy giggling like a conqueror

Clutching a cheque of Fifty Thousand Naira

Like a blind man holding tenaciously to a guide dog

And bouncing up and down like an athlete who won a trophy

Well it is apparent that she just won one

For the minister obviously looks like a looser

You should see sweats dripping down his face

Like a Christmas he-goat

He must have lost a lot

He probably made it up to three rounds

It is written all over his face

Shameless sugar daddy!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

October 8, 2009.

Negroes For Sale

2010-03-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

Liverpool, England, June 12, 1790.

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon

And the gangly witty Whiteman was with his goods

In the centre of Liverpool town centre

Shouting in a high-pitched voice common with street traders

“Negroes for sale. Prime healthy Negroes from West Africa for sale”

“Good niggers from Senegambia. Fresh from the jungle”

“Sixty pence for males and thirty pence for the females”

A lady approaches and seeing the old white lady

He collected his Negroes and made towards her

As would a trader his wares and said to the old white lady

“Madam put a smile on that face for I have a strong Negro for you”

“Oh! Hell no!” She replied in pure contempt

“He is ugly and must be of Mandingo tribe of West Africa”, she added

“But madam he is very strong and works like a machine”

“He can work from daybreak till dawn on just one ration of hot soup”

“Just take a thorough look at him. Very healthy, strong bones and very fat”

“An evidence of good diet and sound mind in a healthy body”

“You talk too much, how much is it”, the old white lady interrupted

“Before you make a slave of me too”, she added

“Just sixty pence madam”

“Sixty what! Are you selling the entire Africa!” she protested

“I will only pay thirty pence because he is very ugly and scary like a gorilla”

“Look at his big fat dick. Oh God! Are those not varicose veins on them?”

“Oh no! I have got three young granddaughters at home”

“Okay madam can you pay forty pence last”

“Forty!” shouted the old white lady

“Ok, I will give you thirty-five last”, she quickly added

“Look he does not even laugh or smile. Thirty five last or I will walk away”

“Ok, give me your money. Ten, twenty, thirty and five”

“Thank you madam. It is nice doing business with you”

“Thank you”, replied the old white lady

And she walked away with her good.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

June 12, 2009

I Weep For My Country Nigeria

2010-03-04T11:24:00.000-08:00

How did we finally get at this juncture?

How did we put our country in this mess;

Tarnished her image beyond repair,

Even To the extent of being referred to as

419ners, internet scammers and terrorists?

An object of public ridicule and opprobrium!

What exactly went wrong and why?

Who should we blame for the mess?

I thought we had a big dream?

A dream of being the giant of Africa;

A great people and a great nation.

A model black nation worthy of emulation;

Where peace and justice shall reign forever.

I thought we dreamt of building

A nation flowing with milk and honey;

With our abundant natural resources?

A model nation paved with gold;

Because we have the oil that would

Hasten the realisation of the dream.

The dream of living in that El Dorado

Where castles are built in the air

Once the independence is achieved.

Alas, that dream was smashed;

Not even by our enemies

But by our own kith and kin.

They smashed our common dream

And it shattered like an earthen bowl

That fell from an unsteady head;

Scattering all over the places.

Hopelessly and irreparably shattered

That it is proving difficult to mend.

And just before our naked eyes

Our dream quickly fizzled away

And landed at the laps of our neighbours;

Because we failed to grab the opportunity

When it was comfortably on our own laps.

Now we are back to square one still dreaming

And hoping that since the independence is gone

The oil would utter abracadabra and do the miracle.

We thought that our oil and independence

Would bring us prosperity and happiness;

A hope we carried in our bag with pride.

But that hope turned out to be a distress.

The oil in particular became a woe unto us,

A curse on our nation and generation

And the greatest obstacle to that El Dorado.

It dashed our hope; brought us absolutely nothing

But unending miseries and agonies.

Today while our neighbours are having a field day

We are busy lamenting our woes

Of not having anything to boast of.

Nothing at all!

No constant electricity

No potable water

No security

No quality education

No good healthcare

No motorable roads.

Nothing!

Just only

Corrupt politicians

Discontented populace

Riots and demonstrations

Oil conflicts here and there

Killings and shootings by armed robbers

Political assassinations and kidnappings

Bigotry and killing in the name of God

Persecution and intolerance of the minorities

Infringement of the rights of the people

A broken dream; a broken nation

And a desperate population.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

March 1, 2010.

This House Shall Fall!

2010-02-27T22:09:00.000-08:00

This house was built on a wobbly foundation;

It shall not stand for long; it shall fall.

This giant is a sleeping ogre;

He shall never wake from this slumber.

This nation is not one;

It has never been and shall never be.

These people are not brothers

And they shall never be.

Nigeria is not one nation

And it shall never be.

How can it not fall?

When one group is bent on dominating others!

How can it stand?

When one religion vowed to impose itself by force on everybody!

How can it not cave in?

When our diversity is an instrument of division!

How can it not disintegrate?

When corruption is enthroned and worshipped as God!

How can it not collapse like a pack of card?

When only few enjoys our commonwealth!

This house must surely fall; an inconvenient truth

But no one shall regret it when it falls.

The day it shall fall everybody shall be happy

For brand new houses shall spring up from its remains;

And there shall be no more ethnic jingoism.

Corruption shall become a history.

And the commonwealth would be jealously guarded;

To be shared equally instead of being the monopoly of few.

And no one shall complain of injustices and deprivations

For the wealth shall go round to make everyman happy forever!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

September 2, 2009.

The Beautification Of Lynching

2010-02-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

Ajegunle, Lagos, Nigeria, March 6, 2033.

“Hol am! Hol am!! Hol am!!!”

“Thief! Thief!! Thief!!!”

“Ole! Ole!! Ole!!!”

“Onye Ori! Onye Ori!! Onye Ori!!!”

“Barawo! Barawo!! Barawo!!!”

“Catch him! Burn him!! Kill him!!!”

Hold That Boy! Do not let him escape!

And everybody went after him in hot pursuit with full fury

Brandishing all sorts of machetes and clubs and even stones

As well as locally-made pistols and double-barrel guns

With the breast-flapping market women thronging after the men

With kitchen utensils shouting and swearing in unison

“We must lynch him to death today, not even tomorrow”

“We must send him back to where he belongs to today”

Within minutes they caught up with

The tired, thirsty, tattered-looking lad

Still in the prime of his teenagehood

About 16 or 17 or something like that

A poor wretched-looking jobless lad

One of many victims of a corrupt government

Pushed by his country to stealing just to survive

And they beat a hell out of him

Just like a tinker does to a stubborn pan

Then put a tyre round his tender neck

Poured gallons of fuel on him

And burnt him to death just for stealing a Banana

And that was how his young life ended abruptly

A fate that should have befallen the corrupt leaders.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

September 2, 2009.

grudge

2010-02-08T15:27:00.000-08:00

a burden

weighty to bear, unbearable to condone

and painful to discard

but which we cherish a lot.

it makes the heart of man to stink

and not only makes him feeble

but also sickens him time and again

and yet he prefers to carry it like a cross.

it could be laid down effortlessly

but he would prefer to hold on to it.

despite being as heavy as a mountain

he prefers to cling on to it like a treasure.

it emaciates him like a kwashiorkored child

and reduces him to something less than human.

it makes foolishness of his existence

yet he loves to hold on to it.

man can easily let it go forever, but he can’t

because his happiness lies in bearing grudges.

he can easily unburden the basketful of grudges

but he prefers to carry it around like goods.

can man never ever think of letting go?

can he not think of forgiving and forgetting?

can he never think of letting the sleeping dog lie?

How about burying the hatchet once and for all?

yes! of course he can!

he can because pain can be healed,

hatred can be turned to love and division into unity.

and grudge could be made a history!

Okumephuna Chukwunwikezarramu

January 1, 2008.

Crawling Buses Of London

2010-01-31T15:44:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it?

One hour from Battersea to Thornton Heath

Two hours from Brixton to Hampstead Heath

Three hours from Barking to Bexleyheath

Forty minutes from Borough to Lambeth North

And from Chelsea to Chiswick it takes ages

While from Camden to Clapham Common takes till thy kingdom come

Is it now a crime to travel on London Buses?

They will take full fare and would never ever think of giving a free ride

And then take ages to crawl from one place to another

Like a snail crawling from Hackney to Haringey

Woe betide you!

If you ever jump on one of them bendy buses without your oyster

They will quickly slap a 25 pound fine on you

That is if you pay within 21 days or 50 pounds after 21 days

Otherwise you would be disgracefully dragged before the magistrate

But they will never ever think of compensating you

When they take ages to get to your destination

In those appalling buses always overcrowded with passengers

OMG!

Passengers facing each other like slaves in a slave ship and stinking of odours

Oozing out of the stinking body of homeless boozy passengers

Who converted them buses into their homes

With their smelly bodies testifying that they have not showered for ages

Terrible buses that could give you a myocardial infarction

Very cold during the winter and very hot during the summer

And yet we are still expected to fork out our fortune

To pay for the poor miserable service

And expected to be smiling all through!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

November 4, 2009.

Brothers At War

2010-01-19T10:24:00.000-08:00

In Memory Of The Aguleri/Umuleri Conflict

Charred remains littering everywhere

Bloated eyes dislodging out of severed heads

Tongues sticking out of tightly shut mouths

Faces disfigured by pangs of death

Arms and legs miles away from their bodies

Blood flowing ubiquitously like a river

Bullets here and there and yonder

Every house in both communities still on fire

Women wailing over their husband’s corpse

Young girls grieving over virginity lost violently

Children mourning parents that are no more

You can feel sorrow and pain in the air

Massive darkness overwhelmed the whole land

And the gentle light took to her heels for her life

Taking tender unity and fraternity along with her

And the brothers at war; all of them no exception

Got the breathing space they so much needed

And descended upon themselves like barbarians

Levelling everything on their way with terror

Unleashing indescribable brutality on themselves

Like boorish savage beasts from the stone ages

The worst the communities have ever seen

Shocking, upsetting, distressing and disgusting

Siblings and kinsmen on each other’s throat

Thousands are gone and more are still going

Over a piece of land not bigger than the Vatican

A land that was, is and would continue to be

The land unexpectedly led to the worst of calamities

And brothers threw caution to the wind and began

Slaughtering themselves like Christmas chickens

Burning and roasting everything within sight

Not even thinking of the chain binding them

Or the sacredness of circle of life; Ubuntu

Fathers after their own sons

Mothers after their daughters

Husbands after their wives

Wives after their husbands

Children after their parents

In-laws after their in-laws

Kinsmen after their kinsmen

Everybody against everybody

And on each other’s throat

Things just suddenly fell apart like a broken calabash

And the wickedness of man’s heart went into action

Brotherly love suddenly turned into brotherly brutality

Peace vanished in a click like a candle in the wind

While chaos and calamity showed their true colours

And the land started swallowing everyone in anger

By the time they realised the depth of their madness

And the implication of their insanity and childishness

Thousands of their kinsmen and women have gone

And the land in question is mockingly still there

Staring at them with scorn and they regretted it

And vowed never to learn war no more.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

July 11, 2009.

Biafra!

2010-01-19T07:34:00.000-08:00

Enugu, Biafra, March 6, 2015.

Go tell it on the mountain tops

Proclaim it from the hill tops

Announce it from the roof tops

Shout it on top of your voices

Let the whole world hear about it

Including our enemies and adversaries

Who joined our enemies to slaughter us

Thinking that this dream would come to naught

Go now and tell them with a joyful noise

Accompanied with a clanging cymbals

That the dream has finally become a reality

That the epiphany of the nation is arrived

That what we fought for is finally achieved

That our common dream is now a reality

That the toil of our fathers is not after all in vain

We waited patiently for too long for this day

For five good decades we were busy dreaming

Praying that this day arrives to meet us still alive

Today our immeasurable joy knows no bound

Because this tiny fragile but hopeful seed

Watered by the precious blood of our brothers

The sufferings and starvations of our kinsmen

The sweat and fortitude of our rag-tagged army

Is finally come to fruition and this nation called

The State of Biafra Is finally taken flesh and blood

And is now dwelling among us forever and ever!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

January 15, 2009.

No Place Like Home?

2010-01-06T08:57:00.000-08:00

There is indeed no place like home!

Home is truly the bestest place to be!

That’s the song our leaders sing to us daily

They have been singing it from the ages past

It has replaced our national anthem and pledge

But wait! Is that not fast turning into propaganda?

An instrument of brainwashing and indoctrination

To becloud our sense of questioning and reasoning

A smokescreen for their failure to develop our country

A ploy our corrupt shameless misfit leaders

Have been using to deceive and swindle us

So as to continue looting the commonwealth

For personal pleasure and aggrandisement

Squandering our resources to reward cronies

Raping our economy so that their wives, concubines

And children are assured of a comfortable life

Surely there is no place like home!

But what if that place has got no

Potable water

Motorable roads

Quality education

Universal healthcare

Free and fair election

Constant power supply

Fundamental human rights

Security of life and property

Good governance and accountability

Decent and affordable accommodation

Respect, tolerance and accommodation

How about if you do not feel at home there?

Then there is a place like home

That place is where all these are

A place where you feel at home

That place is where I call a home

And you should be proud to call it a home too!

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna

November 3, 2009.

Pastor’s Wife

2009-12-29T11:21:00.000-08:00

She has been suspecting for a very long time

That he is up to no good whenever he is in his office

Particularly with young female parishioners

One day she arrived in the office unexpectedly

Walked past his secretary, entered his office

And caught him red-handed sitting on a table

Dressed in his presbyteral cassock and sash

With his PA’s bubbling boobs in his mouth

Greedily sucking the oversized boobs

Like a one-month old motherless baby

Spanking, smacking, sucking and swallowing

All at the same time while the PA moans excitedly

Like a bitch going through a hard time from a silly dog

Poor girl! Young enough to be his own granddaughter

And the old pastor was busy rolling his stinking tongue

Over and over the pointed nipples of those turgid boobs

Uttering endless gibberish over and over again

A shock his wife found very unbearable

And she took pictures of the action

Many of them and sent them to the press

The next day ‘The Sun’ carried it on the front page

‘Pastor caught sucking PA’s boobs’.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
November 7, 2009.

First Night Together

2009-12-26T11:23:00.000-08:00

That was our first night together

And when it was time to get together

I pulled out my rubber from the drawer

A wise precaution against STDs

Including the ubiquitous HIV and AIDS

Not to talk of unwanted pregnancy

But she protested out loudly

“Oh! No! There is no need for that”

And I asked her why and she said

“Because you are clean and so am I”

It was a shock to me

A shock like that of lightening

Because I do not even know her

Besides I never discussed about cleanliness with her

That was even our first night together

I brought her home straight from the night club

And am sure I wasn’t the first to have brought her home like that

And certainly not the first she told, “You are clean and I am clean”.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
October 25, 2009.

Mr. President

2009-12-26T09:26:00.000-08:00

The time is 9 O’clock in the morning

The date is October 1, 2010

The event is the 50th birthday of the nation

The invited guests are right on time

Including the diplomats and the school children

Who formed a snake-like line along the streets

Beaming with smiles and waving endlessly

Under the scorching tropical sunshine

Waiting anxiously to catch a glimpse of their president

Now it is 2 O’ clock in the afternoon

The president is not yet arrived

And there is an obvious sign of fatigue

And discontent written all over the faces of the guests

Including that of the murmuring school children

Though they have resolved that a glimpse of him alone

Would be enough to justify the torture

But amidst the palpable discontent and unhappiness

None was courageous enough to complain

Of the incivility of Mr. President being late on his own day

They stand in awe of him for he is a god here

He lords over this rich but poor African nation

Just like a deadly beast lords over the wild

Every knee in the land bows before him

As if both the land and the people are his personal property

While every tongue praises his apparent stupidity

He is a god who does not keep to time

Believing arrogantly that keeping to time is for the poor

And so after waiting for ages

Sirens finally bellowed from all directions

Like an alarm warning of an impending missile

And he emerged like an ijele masquerade

Out of his brand new shinning limousine

Followed by an entourage of 50 vehicles before and after him

Carrying his numerous wives, concubines, mistresses and kids

With over 60 heavily armed escorts

And in a very uncouth flamboyant African leaders manner

Instead of apologising profusely for appearing very late

He turned on his ministers and panegyrists

And began to pour verbal venoms on them

Just for nothing but to let everybody know that he is in charge

“Idiots where is this. Idiots where is that”, he kept shouting

Shouting on top of his voice like an angry lunatic

And they all went down on their fours

Paying never-ending lip services to him

“Yes sir”

“We are loyal sir”

“Long live the president”

“The president for life”

“The conqueror”

“The anointed one”

“The Lion of Judah”

“Our only hope”

“Yes your majesty”

“No your majesty”

And all sorts of rubbish to inflate his empty ego.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
October 31, 2009.

Christmas Sucks!

2009-12-25T13:08:00.000-08:00

London, United Kingdom, December 25, 2009.

The Christmas day

The day Jesus Christ was born

We never expected him to come

We were busy having a good time

Laughing, smiling and having parties

Merriment here and there and yonder

And just in the climax of that excitement

He appeared unexpectedly in the sky above London

“Who are these godforsaken people left out of my annual birthday bash”, he asked

“Oh Lord! Leave them they are illegal immigrants and failed asylum seekers”, we replied

“750,000 of them. You heartless dickheads! How can you maltreat your brethren like that?”

“You are wining and dining and having parties and they are living hopelessly underground”

“Despite my injunction that you gather all so that none should be left out of this one body”

“And you are here hypocritically celebrating my birthday. I think Christmas in actuality sucks”

“Today they shall be with me in paradise and you can continue with your enjoyment here.”

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
December 25, 2009.

Nigeria

2009-12-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

Nothing works here and I mean absolutely nothing

Ignorance is highly encouraged so that the masses do not revolt

Governments at all levels are competing in looting the commonwealth

Everything is in complete chaos and decay including education and healthcare

‘Rigging Elections Since 1960’ is the new national motto and the masses do not care

Idiots and numskulls ‘elected’ as leaders have got no ambition and vision to heal the nation

And that is why the masses are not even bothered; they are contented with suffering and smiling.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
November 10, 2009.

Recession 2009

2009-12-17T10:53:00.000-08:00

We woke up today

To very bad news

Very bad news indeed!

And it is still making the headlines everywhere

On papers

On radios

On televisions

Online

Everywhere!

We never saw it coming or did we?

There is panic all over

You can feel and see it

The air is contaminated with it with a foul smell

Everywhere is in chaos

Everything under the face of the earth unexpectedly came to a standstill

Swiftly turning both living and non-living things to gloom

Even the sky is gloomy with a sad hard long face

People are no more smiling and saying ‘hi’ and ‘good morning’ as usual

Tears are flowing like a river

Everything is gone and I mean everything including our manners

They came crashing down

Like a pack of card

Just before our eyes the unthinkable happened

All the efforts we have been making

Our sleepless nights

Our toils and savings

Our greed and carelessness

Our pride and inordinate desires

They all came crashing down

Like a castle built on sand

That was confronted by a violent wind

And simply blew her away

Everything!

And I mean everything

They all disappeared in a matter of seconds

Like a candle exposed to a fuming wind

And when we asked

We were told it is the recession.

Chukwunwikezarramu Okumephuna
January 29, 2008.