I used to be one who was all about the positive vibez, positive thoughts, and even worse, I used to dish it out on other people. Then I understood something even deeper, and even more significant, about negativity; IT IS NECESSARY! It’s important to remember that, like anything else, negativity is relative and what may seem negative to some, may be something totally different to others.

When was the last time you came across someone who was, perhaps just having a bad day, or they were going through a bit of a bad patch, and they were being negative and having a bit of a rant? Was your first reaction to throw some positive spin on all their situations? Did you pay attention to how they reacted? Did it benefit them? Or did they go the opposite way, and the more you threw positivity at them, the more they became negative?

Don’t Be-Polar

Just because someone is being negative it doesn’t mean that they need a dose of positivity. In fact that is sometimes the worst thing you can do. It will often do more damage, especially if they have a polar personaility type. It may reinforce their own negativity and they may even search for more reasons to be negative.

What works better is being negative with them. Allow them to be negative and share in that space with them. If someone tells me they’re pissed off, and I’ve already ascertained that they react in a polar way, then I say to them ‘good, be pissed off, how dare those bastards!’ and watch as they automatically start to feel better.

Negativity As Motivation

In a previous post I talked about my experience when I went to inspire young people. I mentioned, at the end, about one of the students who was motivated by the criticism he received because it gave him even greater incentive to do better.

I’ve also been chastised in the past about many things, and more often than not, it’s served me in wonderful way in that it’s made me try harder and want to do better. In the past I’ve been out running and I’ve heard people shout from their cars ‘move that ass fat boy’ and when I hear that it doesn’t upset me. I actually laugh and it also makes me push myself that little bit harder; beyond my comfort zone.

When Others Try And Bring You Down

I was at a dinner party a while back and the friend who invited me over, like me, is a life coach. I was talking with one of her friends and I couldn’t get over how negative she was. I was telling her about what I do. People would describe me as a bubbly, positive person and she assumed that my life must be quite easy. It’s been anything but and all those negative experiences have contributed to who I’ve chosen to be now.

In her case she had taken all of her negative experiences and decided that, for her, life would always dump on her and she had to look out for herself. She’d decided that she needed to protect herself from more negative things happening. Rather than trying to escape negativity and challenges, I say, bring them on! They’ve shaped me into a better person and I will always be greatful for them.

Dealing With Your Own Negativity

Your own negativity is essential but don’t let it get the better of you. It will always be part of you but don’t let it overpower you. I’ve always believed that we are capable or good or evil but we are inherently neither. That is, and will always be, determined by the choices we make; moment to moment.

If you want more help dealing with your own negativity then I found this kick ass post by Anastasiya on dealing with those pesky negative thoughts. Negativity isn’t a bad thing. It’s how you choose to respond to it that makes it what it is.

Badminton is quite simply one of the most awesome sports you can play. I used to play at college and gave up once I started working. Nearly 10 years ago I took it up again casually and about 3 years ago I decided I wanted to take it more seriously. I now play up to 4 times a week and I can’t think of a more fun way to spend my free time!

Are you a bit bored? Do you often just end up going home and vegging on the couch after a hard days work? Do you wish you had a way to get fit, have fun, vent your frustrations, and make some friends all in one go? If so, here are 10 reasons why I think you should put down that bowl of ready-made noodles and that can of duff beer and find yourself a local club to join!

1. Fun Fun Fun!

Badminton is organised fun for cool people. In fact we may just have to check out how cool you are before we let you join the club. If you aint cool we’ll put you through a coolness program first and then you might get to play if you pass the stringent tests that we have.

Ok calm down, I’m just kidding but badminton is seriously great fun. You can play singles if you wish, to increase your fitness, or you can play doubles if you want to have a bit more fun. It’s definitely more fun than Squash and unlike Tennis you can play all year around!

2. Social

If you join a club what you’ll find is that you’ll be off court occasionally. During the times you’re off court you’ll get to mingle, socialise and make loads of new friends. Or, if you’re a crazy ass mofo like me you can get a skipping rope and skip to keep the sweat going!

3. Pace

Badminton is the fastest racquet sport in the world bar none! Experienced players can smash the shuttle at speeds of over 200mph. When you learn to return those kinds of shots you get a serious rush! Just be warned though if a shot like that hits you in the head, you’ll walk around looking like you’re being targeted with a sniper rifle for a while!

4. Reflexes

With great power comes great responsibility and with badminton you will develop lightening quick reflexes. Because of badminton I once caught a mug full of coffee after I pushed it off the table; without spilling a drop!! It was totally surreal. Like that scene from Spiderman. Only I didn’t have Mary-Jane on my lap!

5. Fitness

If you like to sweat then badminton is for you! Yes you! With badminton you burn off the equivalent of a chocolate bar every 30 minutes or so. I’m not suggesting you eat a chocolate bar every 30 minutes to make sure you don’t waste away though! To see how much exactly you burn check out this table of stats. For someone like me, a 270lb’er who plays for 3 hours at a time, I could eat a horse every hour and still not worry about it going to my thighs or buttocks.

6. Agility

With badminton you have to learn to get from one side of the court to the other extremely quickly and so after a while you develop the agility of a cat. Meow!

7. Competition

You can keep it a strictly social thing but if you like to be compeitive then chances are your club might be part of a league. If so you’ll get to compete against other clubs and kick some ass and do some victory dances that you and your team mates have made up. I recommend the conga or the locomotion!

8. Cost

Badminton isn’t the cheapest sport but it doesn’t really break the bank either. The biggest cost is usually the shuttles. When you join a club the cost of the shuttles may be included and so you may not even notice your wallet get lighter.

9. Spectating

I’m not really one for living life as a spectator but badminton is one sport I could happily watch for hours. There are tournaments all year round, big and small so have a look around and also get yourself down to the All England if you’re in the UK.

10. Skills

Whilst also learning to hit the shuttle at speeds that would even make a red Ferrari blush and resemble a slug, you will also develop the softest touch. You will be able to just drop the shuttle over the net so it trickles over and hits the ground quicker than your opponent can say ‘ZOIKS SCOOBY’! Just check this clip of Peter Gade and his legendary trick shot. So COOL!

If you’re not sold on Badminton yet then I hear Knitting is making a comeback!

Are you still holding onto something that happened a long time ago? Was it a missed opportunity? Was it something someone did to you? Are you still feeling those feelings of resentment? Whatever the situation, if you’re holding onto something from a long time ago, have you stopped to ask why you’re still feeling that way and why you haven’t let it go?

I overheard someone speaking recently to another person I know about something that happened some years ago. I was dumbfounded. Yes I was so totally eves dropping but I just couldn’t help but think what was the point in bringing it up years later? Do people really hold onto things that long? Why not deal with it sooner?

I do understand that there is a certain amount of closure that people need. I know I’ve liked to get closure on things quickly. I do always say to people that if I’ve pissed them off then don’t hold it in. Tell me what I’ve done so it can be resolved and you know what? Most of the time it’s just a very simple misunderstanding.

Opportunity Knocks

Was a specific opportunity passed to someone else? Did it leave you wondering why you weren’t picked? You might spend hours, days even months wondering why you weren’t picked and all that time more opportunities are passing you by? When you become fixated on something you miss a lot of what goes on around you.

Instead of worrying about why this opportunity passed you by why not focus on what you’re going to do differently when the next one comes around? Feel the difference in yourself from when you focus each of those different viewpoints. Ask yourself this: Which of the two are going to benefit you in the long run?

I’ve missed out on several opportunities recently and although I was a bit frustrated in the beginning I didn’t let it linger. I realised that staying in that frame of mind does two things: i) It kept me in a place where I was missing out on all the good stuff going on around me. ii) People were less likely to give me opportunities anyway because I was coming across as a less attractive option.

Rationalising those thoughts and feelings is one way to go with this but on it’s own is not effective enough. Combined with focus you get the right combination of two tools to move on swiftly. I’ll clarify later on but I want to cover some more examples first of where people hang on to things needlessly.

Being Let Down

Here’s another example I came across recently. Person A was not invited to person B’s party. Person A thought that they were good friends and expected an invite and when they didn’t get one they were frustrated and upset. Rather than tackling it head on. They let in linger and in the end the friendship ended.

Rejection

Have you ever been rejected by the opposite sex? Maybe you asked them out and they said no. Maybe you long term partner broke up with you and the pain is causing you to close up and waste your life away. You’ve anchored pain to relationships and so you sabotage all your future opportunities for love.

‘The Amit Method’ For Moving On Quickly

I hope you like the name ‘The Amit Method’ as I thought it was kinda catchy and totally original. So you’ve seen my examples and yours maybe of a different nature but in all cases a few simple principles can be employed to let go, move on quickly and start grabbing life by the balls again!

1. Rationalising – I mentioned earlier about rationalising thoughts in your head. You can do that by simply changing the way you think about something. If in the past you thought ‘why didn’t they want me?’ you could instead think ‘ok that’s one opportunity gone. Nevermind, onto the next!’ It’s very simple process of changing the way you think.

2. Focus – There is a certain amount of physical manifestation of rejection. You may get that sensation in the pit of your stomach. If anything, what that is telling you is what you are focussing on. Start paying attention to the next thing on your list. When you pay attention you automatically start to forget the past rejections.

3. Meaning – This ties in point 1. Whatever meaning you attached to the rejection will determine how you feel about it. If it means disaster to you then naturally you’re going to feel bad. If you decide that it’s no biggy and that you’re going to learn from it then, hey presto, you’ll feel indifferent and more able to let go.

4. Vocalise – You’d be surprised at just how much vocalising will help. Sometimes when you hear yourself say something the clarity that can come with it can almost be magical. Whether it’s asking for feedback or asking someone why you were rejected there is no substitute for this in getting closure.

5. Affirm – Tell yourself it’s time to move on and let go. Sounds kind of obvious but so overlooked and important. Observing how you’re thinking and then grossly overwriting it with a loud booming voice can be very powerful.

A Final Rationalised Thought

Moving on quickly is for your own good. It is your own precious time that is being wasted on something that potentially was a misunderstanding, or in the grand scheme of things, was just quite small. If all else fails just get someone to tell you how stupid you’re being and maybe that might be enough to kick-start you onto bigger and better things!

Dealing With Competition

Do you want to be the one who gets the Job? Do you want to be the one that people are drawn to and want to get to know? Do you just stick with the daily status quo and are you ready for a change? Are you frustrated that other people are getting the opportunities and not you?

In an increasingly competitive global structure it’s now more important than ever to find that something within you that makes you stand out from everyone else. Truth be told though I’m not a fan of the competitive mindset. I prefer to think of it as being the best me that I can be in a given situation.

I don’t really want to compete with other people because that takes my focus off me and I end up getting caught up in a whirlwind of unproductive emotions. I won’t lie. I am naturally quite competitive but I can say from experience, with zero doubt, that it affects my overall performance and not in a good way.

If you’ve put yourself in a situation whereby you work for a company with thousands and thousands of employee’s then, of course, automatically you’re in a position where you have to really think outside the box in order to get ahead. If you want to move up the ranks faster work for a smaller company; you’ll move up the ranks much quicker.

If it’s a promotion you’re after sometimes it will come to you and sometimes you have to go to it. That’s one scenario of many but if you want to be able to network better, be the girl/guy that everyone wants to go out with, be the life of the party, etc. Whatever your end, your means are within your power to change.

Being Yourself

When I talk about standing out from the crowd I’m not just talking about doing something different for the sake of being different. I’ve seen people who do things to ‘fit in’. They do it because it’s comfortable and it means they don’t get noticed because they don’t want to be.

There’s nothing wrong with fitting in if that’s what you truly want but if you’re frustrated by the results you’ve been getting so far then think about playing to your strengths that are different from everyone else. I’m naturally bubbly and often when at a social event I’m the one that people say is ‘the life of the party’.

Because of that it’s easy for me to network but there are still moments where I’ve been a bit shy or stuck and not been able to allow the real me to emerge. There are certain traits which are noticed by everyone but unless cultivated they will go to waste and you’ll continue to be frustrated by others getting opportunities and not you.

Even if you were to put on a false facade, that facade is still you and it’s just a question of whether you want to be remembered in that way. Remember that people will associate you with those moments and the next time if you’re not behaving the same way they will just be left wondering why.

If you are just being your usual self only turning up the volume a bit then that’s also ok. If you’re gung-ho and extra happy to be at a networking event then that is likely to be naturally amplified through your excitement of being there. Remember there’s more than just your personality that makes you stand out.

Subtle Nuances

I’ve noticed that subtle things I say, do, or wear also get plenty of attention and make for fantastic ice breakers. I love watches and I have quite a collection. I’ve always managed to pick out ones which are not too loud but stand out enough that people want to comment on them. What better way to start a conversation?

I’m also renowned for wearing lively t-shirts with cartoons or funny captions. There are certain t-shirts I wear for my comedy nights because I know they will get a good laugh. I also have some great cartoon ones that people instantly recognise and want to start talking about as soon as they see them; like my Thundercats t-shirt!

I went outside my comfort zone recently and bought some sneakers that I wouldn’t normally go for but I really liked them. The great thing is that whenever I wear them they get comments and people really like them. A tip for the guys, if you’re going to step outside the box get some advice about colours that look good from a female friend.

If you’re going somewhere, where you have to be smartly dressed, dress slightly smarter than everyone else or slightly more casual. Wear a funky tie or an unusual shirt. Think about how you carry off what you’re wearing? Do you look ready for action or do you look like you’ve just thrown on the first thing you could find when you woke up?

I don’t know about you but I ‘feel’ more alive when I’ve dressed up and made an effort and equally I feel not as good when I don’t make an effort and go out a bit scruffy. If you look good you’ll feel a bit more confident to go up to peole and interact. You will notice that the people who get attention in crowds always dress well.

Hobbies & Pastimes

Is your C.V. or bio really boring? Does it need a bit of spicing up? No, I’m not suggesting you lie and tell your future employers that you’re an avid football fan only for them to strike up a converation about it and then you looking like an idiot because you have no clue! If you have nothing fun to put on your C.V. then you need to get a life.

Take up a funky hobby, again something you enjoy rather than something just for the sake of it. If you wanna take up cooking then go for it and don’t ever be embarrassed about sharing them with people no matter what they are. When I tell people I do stand-up comedy they’re always fascinated by it and want to know more!

I always say to people to put down hobbies and interests on a bio or C.V. because you never know when it’s going to strike a chord with the people reading it. Who knows what new doors it may open and opportunities it may bring. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times that started conversations for me when being interviewed.

I have tonnes to put on my C.V. including things like the firewalk I did a few years back. That always gets peoples attention. They want to get to know you when they see something like that because they assume that you’re a bit of a crazy ass mofo and want to know about how, when, where and what it was like.

Whatever your chosen hobbies advertise them on your personal bio or C.V. and watch how many people approach you simply because of them. I remember once a guy handing me a C.V. and we wanted to interview him simply because he had a black belt in a martial art. It intrigued us and that was one of the first things we noticed when skimming his C.V.

Personality Types

There are certain personality types that also get noticed very quickly and lead to people getting more opportunities. The first of which is self assuredness. Not that I’m a huge fan of his but you only have to look at someone like Simon Cowell to realise where that kind of trait can take you.

Being confident in your beliefs and opinions makes you stand out. You can even tell by someones tone how sure they are. Does they speak with a rising tone at the end? That might signify lack of it and almost posing a statement as a question. Someone who was self assured would always end in a downward tone of voice symbolising closure.

Humour is probably the best one of all and I’ve spoken about this in many different posts recently. God invented humour and she’s given you that gift too. Now stop being a boring fart and learn how to have a good time with life. People who behave as if life is short always stand out as they sieze the moments.

I don’t like it when that statement is taken out of context though and people stuff themselves with as much junk, booze and drugs as they can get their hands on. Learn how to have a good time without external stimulants. It’s an art form in life and when you do you’ll never need to touch a drop of alcohol ever again.

That brings me to another point in that my tee-total nature also makes me stand out from the crowd. It arouses curiosity in people and gives me the opportunity to explain my reasons. So develop your sense of humour and if people test you let small things roll off your shoulders and learn to ignore them and move on.

The Upshot

I don’t think you need to chase after every opportunity but I do feel there are some that you will need to go after and others will come to you. With greater life experince you’ll start to learn to spot those opportunities. In order that those opportunities find you I then sticking out is a good plan and a good way to go.

Have a good reason to stand out. Once you do read over this again and see if you find anything here that ignites a spark of inspiration within you, that you can do, to stand out. If you miss one don’t dwell over it just continue to move forward and when the next one comes along learn from the past and have another go!

I’ve been incredibly busy recently writing new comedy material and rehearsing. I’ve got a gig tomorrow and I’m really excited to try out the new stuff. I know some jokes will work and others bit might not but the buzz of being on stage and entertaining people will always be there for me!

I don’t like not blogging for long periods of time. During those times of not blogging I come up with several ideas and unless I do the blog post within a day or two I tend to lose the excitement of that topic. I’m not worried though. I move on quickly but I do feel it’s important to act quickly on moments of inspiration before they dissipate.

Have you ever needed to send an email or correspondence to someone of importance and not been sure what to say or how to say it? Have you ever felt that burning in the pit of your stomach from all the nerves before you clicked the send button?

A good friend of mine recently inspired me to take action on something that I could’ve done a long time ago. That didn’t matter though, what mattered was me taking action now and not worrying about the result. In the past I let those nerves and fear hold me back from taking action. DUH! The only person I’m letting down is myself.

Yes I’m taking a risk and things might not go the way I want them to go but I will never until I make an attempt! How do you even know if you’re good or bad at something until you try? If you just let the fear of it stop you, you may never discover your true talents! I say always give something a go, (don’t take that one out of context) and at best you’ve discovered a new talent; at worst you can scratch something off you list you never want to do ever again!

So there I was talking to this friend and I took on board what she said. I wrote an email and sent it off today. I truly don’t know what the outcome will be but at least I can say to myself that I did make and effort to make something happen and if it doesn’t I’ll move on quickly and do something else.

When I was about to click send I felt those nerves. I decided to stop just before I pressed the button. I sat there and I thought ‘no, I’m not going to send the email while I’m in that state.’ I took a minute and composed myself. I reminded myself not to pin my hopes on this one email. I got myself into the a confident, worthy state. I let go of all hopes and expectations and I sent the email in a relaxed, but excited vibe and believing that I can make a difference.

Will it make a difference sending the email while in that state? Who knows?! I however believe it does!

To recap, before you click send:

1. If you’re feeling nervous, stop and take a minute!

2. Get into a confident state. Know you’re worthy!

3. Let go of any hopes and expectations.

4. Think: No matter the outcome, I will move on quickly.

5. Click send!

P.S. Do a spell check too!

As far as I’m concerned there are a few skills specifically that have transformed my life. These skills I feel in some way should be taught to us when we’re at a young age. These skills are increasing in demand and the demand is only likely to grow.

1. Flirting

In some way there is some undercurrent between all human interaction that involves wanting acceptance or love. Between two individuals of the same sex it’s more one of acceptance generally but when it comes to attracting a mate, whether that be of the opposite sex, or otherwise, there is much denial that attraction is large part of it.

This is why I feel it’s an area of life I think everyone should make an extra special effort to get good at. If you get good at flirting then that takes care of a huge chunk of your life in one swoop! Get a good understanding of what qualities are attractive to people. Also understand how to be cheekily charming or playfully flirtatious.

It’s an area that I feel that I feel holds people back. People who have trouble attracting a mate always seem to lack confidence and self worth. It’s a vicious cycle. When you adopt this skill and become good at it being in a relationship is no longer the be-all and end-all. You are totally comfortable in your skin as a single person and being in a realtionship is not what defines you.

2. Comedy

Comedy is a vital skill. Laughter is always needed and I hate to state the obvious but life would be pretty dull without comedy. I was sitting on a bus the other day. While I was thinking about my stand-up comedy routines for some gigs I have coming up a little joke popped in my head and I burst out laughing. I was being stared at, but I didn’t care!

I’m not the funniest man alive but I do give people a giggle. If I fail to make people laugh I don’t get dis-heartened but most importantly I don’t give up. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re having a conversation with someone and they’re laughing at their own jokes and you’re wondering what the heck they’re laughing at? They’re laughing and laughter is contagious. You can laugh at the fact that they’re laughing at their own jokes!

Learn the ingredients of a good joke or learn some classic jokes and learn to tell them well. People are automatically attracted to people with a sense of humour so it makes sense to learn how to be funny. Self-deprecating humour is not included! Study some of the great comics. Watch their videos on YouTube and see what makes them tick.

3. Speaking

This is an area I’m still working on as it’s an area that can always be improved upon. At some stage in your life you will be called upon to speak to people. Do you really want to be erm’ing and uhhh’ing after every other word? People will get bored with you and your confidence will plummet!

I actually took up stand-up comedy to improve my speaking and although I’ve got a long way to go it’s helped me to no end! People won’t take note of your message unless you speak with confidence and authority. There is no magical transformational tool to do this…oh wait, there is…it’s called PRACTISE!

Have you ever thought something wonderful and then tried to articulate it and it comes out no where near as well as you thought in your head? Congruence comes from a combination of practise and confidence. People speak well until they’re told they’re speaking in front of a crowd. Think of yourself as speaking casually amongst friends.

4. Writing

There are very few professions that don’t involve writing in some form. Even if not the gift of writing can be utilised in countless number of ways. I know that my writing on this blog can be better but I also know that it’s improved by leaps and bounds from when I first started writing.

Conveying your thoughts on paper or screen in a creative way can open doors in any number of ways. Just look at successful bloggers who’ve made a career from writing. They’ve become so good that they quit their jobs and now do it full time. Writing is not only enjoyble but it can earn you good money!

Since the invention of keyboards my handwriting has become appauling so now I take the time to do some scribbling on paper. Not only does it carry a different kind of vibe to typing on a screen but it almost makes it feel like your whole body is getting involved. Just recently I got a hand written letter from someone. When was the last time you got or sent one?

5. Body

As they say in NLP that 55% of what you say comes from you body. Have you ever paid attention to the way you stand or walk? Or to what you do with you hands when you have a conversation with someone? Body language operates at a very sub conscious level in both it’s operation and interpretation

Mastering your body will go a long way to contibuting towards points 1 -3. I was out with friends recently and we were messing around with trying to convey different expressions with our faces. It wasn’t easy and when you didn’t think about it, it just came naturally but when you thought about it, it made it harder.

Your body is an integrated system and is conveying so much more about you than you can imagine. When you learn to be in charge of it you will be able to create that magnetic personality that so many people strive for. Try it and see for yourself.

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I so wish I was taught this kind of stuff at school. This sort of thing would’ve been much more interesting to me than reading a boring book. I was so dissapointed to hear that Drama, as a subject in schools, may be eliminated as that’s where I learned most of my social skills.

Learn these skills well. They will take you far and replace many other skills that you think you need and contribute to powerful personality traits.

I love a good ol’ dirty joke just as much as the next Joe but because people don’t often get to see all sides of me they get shocked when they learn new things about me. I know some people who know me well only for this blog so when they hear me tell a dirty joke they get a bit shocked!

I know people who only know me for my comedian side and so when they hear me get a bit serious and ’spiritual’ they’re not sure whether to take me seriously. It’s a bit frustrating at times but I’ve now got to a point where I’m comfortable enough to shake my tooshy while meditating and people can think what they like about me! So can those two personality types live together in harmony?

I’ve met people who, when they enter the spiritual/personal development path, seem to get incredibly serious and it starts to dominate their life. It’s like they’ve permanently had a broomstick shoved up their rectum; hmmm maybe that’s why they sit so straight when they meditate. Or it’s like they’ve had some kind of fun-ectomy.

I’m not going to sit here and judge those people but I’ve been in that position before and I know now how fake it was for me. I had to sheild that fun-loving part of myself because I thought I was supposed to be a certain way and that spiritual individuals conducted themselves a certain way. I was locked in a cage and I’ve finally set myself free from all that rubbish.

In my opinion yes you can still be classed as someone who is spiritual and deep and still love the most shallow mindless sex jokes possible! If you ask me, laughter is sacred and it’s something we don’t do enough of. I heard that statistic a long time ago that on average a baby laughs 300 times a day and as adults we only laugh 15!

There’s even a type of Laughter Yoga that you can get into. Laughter can be so energising and healing so I think it’s the perfect time to let out your inner laughing buddha. Don’t be embarrased to laugh at those racist, sexist jokes that float around. Just because you laugh it doesn’t mean it defines who you are.

I’m not always in the mood to be spiritual and deep. Sometimes all I do is watch comedies and just laze around. Other times I go into my zen mode where I’m doing, acting and thinking like Tibetan monk sipping herb tea. There are just too many facets to this personality for them all to emerge at once so when I do get into a particular mood I just go with the flow.

So are they both mutually exclusive? Absolutely not! They may not always emerge at the same time but it’s definitley the case whereby they can occupy the same space at different times. Whoever you choose to be; be true to yourself. Don’t just be a certain way because you think that’s the ‘right’ way to be. Be it because you choose to be and it feels natural to you.

On that note I’m going to leave with you with a joke someone told me the other day.

A man was sitting at a bar and ordered a pint of guiness which the bartender gave him. The man downed it in one go! The bartender said:
“Crickey guv’nor! Lemme guess, woman troubles?”
“Yep I caught my wife in bed with my best friend!”
“Sorry to hear that mate, what did you say to her?”
“I told her to pack her bags and get the hell out of my house!”
“Good on ya! What did you say to your best mate?”
“I said – Bad dog!!”

UPDATE: I’ve included a clip from my performance at the last Humili-Asian comedy gig I did so enjoy!

The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. – Abraham Lincoln

Change is faced by all of us on a regular basis. The passing of a loved one; redundancy from a job; a relationship break up. Sometimes you don’t see it coming and there’s often very little you can do about those events to prepare except to accept them. What about the ones you do see coming? Like those times when you say to people ‘I knew that would happen’.

Things may be going really well in your life and you might be in a position where you don’t want anything to change. That is the time when things are most likely to change. You might hate your life and want things to desperately change. That is when things are more likely to say the same.

Let me start by saying that uncertainty is a good thing! If you were certain about everything all of the time life would bore the knickers off you! Change is something that is happening all the time anyway so it’s worth taking the time to step back and acknowledge that where you are right now maybe great, but it is an impermanant thing.

Become a student of change. It is the only thing that will remain constant. – Anthony J. D’Angelo

You can’t possibly expect yourself to pre-empt every little or big thing that may happen but by developing an acquiescent attitude it makes that change easier to handle. In addition to that it’s wise to start thinking about what you would do in certain cases should the worse happen. I don’t think of that as gloomy fortune telling but rather knowing in real life that shit does happen.

If you were to ever step into a corporate office you would know that there is something called ‘Change Control’. It’s a stringent process that is followed because any big changes are made to say, for example, the corporate IT network. It’s perfect for the Anal-ysts of the world. It bascially is a safeguard against any unwelcome surprises like finding your servers switched off one day.

Processes like that are pefect if you are planning to make big changes. It allows you to get to grips with possible outcomes and then plan ahead for them. Even if you don’t know a big change is coming there will often be signals and if you learn to spot them, then the more time you have to prepare.

That is the key. When you have even a small incling that things may be shifting it’s time to start getting ready for them. Lets say you were facing the possibility of being made redundant at work. Even if you love your job and don’t want to leave why not start applying for new jobs while you still have one or even look into alternative or additional froms of income.

In my experience people can spot desperation a mile off. If you’re in a desperate situation and come across that way it puts you in a lesser light to someone who has options and has more of an aloof attitude. Besides, what position would you rather be in? Would you rather have options or be totally at the mercy of whatever comes to you?

In the grander scheme of things change is automatic. I got asked in an interview recently if there is anything I would change about the world and the answer is no because change is always occuring. I would however continue to change myself in response to the changing world. I believe I can change the world automatically by changing myself.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. – Barack Obama

Take for example Facebook and Twitter. They totally re-wrote the books on social networking and the others had to change or fall by the wayside. Those tools aren’t essential to the survival of mankind…well actually I do know one or two people to whom their loss would mean the end of the world but in reality they don’t have an impact on our survival. They’re only purpose is to enrich our experience.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. – Author Unknown

Remember all the good things that can come from change too. You might gain new skills; you might meet new people; you may earn more money; you may even end up finding a door way to the dream job you always wanted. I can’t even begin to count the number of times someone has said to me: ‘It was the best thing to happen to me!’ It might be the same for you!

The only reason we resist change is because of fear. That fear comes from ideas we build in the mind based on loose experiences we’ve had or heard about. Once you can let those go you open yourself up to a whole new world of possibilities. So remember these points when it comes to addressing change in your life.

1. Change is inevitable so make your attitude flexible

2. When you see the signs of change deal it a counter blow

3. Change can be good or bad depending on how you decide to deal with it.

Fear is the greatest impediment to change. – Dr Spencer Johnson

A couple of weeks ago I was invited back again to give a talk to the year 11 students at the Brent PRU (Pupil Referral Unit). It’s a place where students have been given a second chance after being kicked out or expelled from school.

I went there on Wednesday to give the talk and I have to say I wasn’t quite expecting the day to go the way it did. The plan was that I would give a talk to the students in two separate groups and then we would give them practise interviews to help prepare them and exercise their social skills.

When I do these kinds of events I don’t really go in with a fixed plan or a rehearsed speech. I do prepare before hand with some notes and I basically get it clear in my head the message I want to get across. I do share a lot about my personal journey as I do feel it’s relevant to the kind of students there, who don’t fit in, in a normal school.

I feel it’s important to be be able to talk about yourself comfortably, not in an arrogant way, but in way the demonstrates possibility with a message. Speaking of which Arvind wrote a fantastic post on why it’s ok to blow your own trumpet.

It’s not the easiet thing in the world to relate to young people but there are a number of ways this can be accomplished.

1. Speak from the heart.

Be genuine and sincere with your words and be there because you feel you have something special to share which they will benefit from. You don’t have to plan something especially but by being you they will automatically respond to you.

2. Understand their personality.

Young people will act very differently to when they in a group as opposed to when they are alone. In a group they are comfortable with their peers and they might come across as confident, loud, full of self esteem but put get them in a room alone in an interview type situation and watch that facade tumble away. It is just a facade and on their own they are people just like you and me.

3. Use language they can relate to.

There’s no point in using big words they might not understand so keep it simple. Here’s another great trick: Watch how much they relax when you toss in the odd swear word or bit of slang in a jovial manner. Suddenly you’re not so alien to them and immediately you will see their whole body language change and they will relate to you in a very different way; like an equal.

4. Hook them in.

Find something to get their attention from the offset. For me it was using magic. I promised that if I could get their attention for just a short space of time I would do a really cool magic trick for them. Kids and young teens love that kind of stuff and so it’s a great way to get them engaged at the beginning. I didn’t dissapoint with the magic trick!

5. Have a clear message.

Know why you’re there and what it is you’re trying to say. When I was there I was very clear that I wanted to convey and that was 3 things:

i) Never to give up. I saw a great line on Creating a Better Life by Lyman ‘If you fall down twice, stand up three times.’ What an awesome line. I quoted Lyman I could see from the body language that they all loved that message! I also told them to recongnise when they’re giving up; because that thought alone maybe enought to inspire them back into action.

ii) Discover your talent. You never know what your talents are until you try different things. I would never have discovered that I am good at magic until I tried it. I would never have discovered I am good at stand-up comedy until I tried it. I would never have discovered I was good at coaching until I tried it. Everyone has a talent and often they remain undiscovered. Find your talent and use it!

iii) Change the way you feel about failure. If you have a different understanding about failure and what it means for you it can mean a world of difference for your life. If failure no longer scares you imagine how your life would be different.

So there I was and I gave the talk to the first group in the morning. Unfortunately we had to be in a big hall which wasn’t the best room to deliver a talk in as it was very large, had poor acoustics and wasn’t intimate enough to hold peoples attention. I made the most of a bad situation.

Once I did the talk we then interviewed the students to give them some practical experience of being in an interview situation. I have to say I was totally blown away by how mature all these students were. It’s was a shame to discover that many of these students were there because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, but then, I learned something amazing!

Each of the students were so happy to be there! They were miserable at school but this environment gave them an opportunity to be somewhere, where life was a more flexible, and the learning environment was much more relaxed. It was the best thing to happen to them! I hope the staff there know just how much they’re doing for these young people and just how special they really are!

They all blew me away with some of the answers they gave to the questions I gave them. They gave some really well thought out answers and were so honest. Because they were honest it allowed me to then give constructive feedback which they could really take on board.

In the afternoon things were the other way around. I interviewed some of the students first and then gave a talk afterwards. That worked better as they became much more comfortable with me. This time I was sitting down with the students around me in a circle and because we were in a smaller room they could clearly hear what I was saying.

They all paid attention and really got into my message. I can see how some people being in that situation could be very easily intimidated but these young people have a different value system and that is why they don’t fit in a normal classroom. Other than that they are all incredibly talented and have so much to offer the world.

It’s important to understand that just because they are at the PRU it doesn’t mean they won’t go anywhere or make anything of their lives. They love being there because it suits their needs and because of that they have the opportunity of finishing their high school education and to go on to do bigger and better things. I’m still in awe of how talented and intelligent these youngsters are. I took so much away from the day. I was totally humbled and inspired by them and the amazing work the staff at the PRU do.

There was one student there who said something to me which you would generally expect from someone much older. He said he loved it when people put him down or criticised him for being at the PRU because when they did it made him stronger and motivated him even moreso to pass his exams and do better!

1. Don’t expect to be supercharged all the time. It’s ok to feel tired sometimes. You’re only human and when you’re tired just go with it. Learn how to best ‘recharge’ yourself.

2. Don’t worry if you feel down now and again. It’s ok as you’re only human and the times you’re down help you appreciate the times when you’re feeling good. If you’re feeling down just go with it and know that it’ll pass when you’re ready to move on.

3. Don’t worry if you’re not always right everytime. It’s ok to get it wrong once in a while. That’s all part of learning and growing. Don’t beat yourself up when it does happen; just find a way to move on quickly!

4. Don’t worry if you don’t always look your best. It’s ok to be a scruff bag once in a while. It’s the perfect time to get in the zone where you don’t care what other people think. After being scruffy you kind of appreciate yourself more when you look good.

5. Don’t curse yourself when you get ill once in a while. You’re only human and no matter how healthy you are the odd cold or flu bug is going to come and get you! Chill out! Make the most of it. Catch up on your favorite show or enjoy the part where your voice goes all croaky and sexy. Leave you friends some cool voicemails!

6. Don’t become a robot. Allow people to see your human side. If you’re too much of a robot people will no longer be able to relate to you and that’s not a good thing. Let people see the real you and don’t get caught up in the trap of being Mr or Mrs perfect all the time.

7. Gurus still burp and fart too you know! Wind is good. Don’t be shy and just let rip once in a while! Gas will be eternally funny and so you never know who you might cheer up with the occasional passing of wind!

8. Don’t be passive and let people walk over you! Sometimes you’ve got to just step up and tell people how you feel! Trust me when I say keeping it in is worse that trying to rationalise it with new age mumbo jumbo inner talk and bottling it up. You can do all of that and learn later.

9. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Most people can spot a fake a mile off. Just be yourself for that moment. ‘Yourself’ is a loose term and it can change but in that moment don’t fake it. You are who you are!

10. Sometimes there is no substitute for chocolate and ice cream when things aren’t going great. Don’t get me wrong, apples and banana’s maybe good for you but there’s something special about chocolate and ice cream that can’t be beaten. The odd occasional treat is ok!

I decided to go over some old blog posts and update them as they were written in the very early stages of this blog when my writing wasn’t quite up to scratch as it is today. Two of my my posts in particular get several hits from google searches and so I decided to clean them up in terms of spelling and grammar and edited the content slightly.

The two posts are:

Building Your Will Power

Stuck And Not Sure What To Do With Life

Feel free to peruse and if you like them please stumble them!

It’s been just over a week since I decided to start my communications sabbatical and yesterday was the day I officially ended it! It’s been a real eye opener for me and I’ve come to understand a great deal through the process. Before I move any further I would just like to say to all my close friends who doubted me; ‘thank you for giving me even greater resolve to complete the challenge!’

Lets get straight down to it!

Time & Focus

I wouldn’t necessarily say that I found I had more time. What I did discover was that because I had much less distraction my focus and concentration increased a heck of a lot! There was still always plenty for me to do and so rather than putting things off and letting an IM or FB message distract me, I just got on with it!

Missing Out

I feel that so many people do things because they feel like they’re ‘missing out’ on something. I personally don’t think that’s the best reason to do it. Do it because it’s something you really want to do and serves a purpose for you. Learn to understand what a specific tool can do for you and utilise it. If it doesn’t serve a purpose you don’t have to keep using it just because other people are.

Facebook

I love Facebook as it is a very powerful tool but equally, unless treated with respect, it can the object of your undoing. I wish I’d thought more carefully how I setup my Facebook account in the initial stages but it’s never too late to change the settings. Facebook isn’t a competition to see who has the most friends. Remember that you are in control of the people you add and who can see your activities

It can be a very simple social tool or a very powerful marketing implement. You can choose to have just your 50 closest friends on there or you can build a following of thousands of fans. Either way just know that it’s open to the whole world and so if you don’t want everything to be public make sure you setup groups and adjust your privacy settings.

It allows me to interact with listeners while on the radio and send out bulletins to the groups with all our followers. I also use it a great deal while doing backchat and update my status with my debate topic of the hour. It’s a great way of getting instant interaction and for the listeners, of course, it’s free!

Twitter

The same goes for Twitter. It’s not a competition of followers for me but if I do get people following me who genuinely want to hear what I’ve got to say, then great; it’s served it’s purpose for me. I have my blog linked to my Twitter which in turn is linked to my Facebook account and so when put up a post it automatically updates both. That makes it all so convenient but I probaly won’t use Twitter much for direct interactions. I’ll continue to use Facebook for that and one medium for me, is enough!

I can totally understand the popularity of Twitter. It’s creators are geniuses beyond measure and it’s no wonder it’s exploded the way it has! It gives people the opportunity to share little thoughts they have during the day that wish they could share with people and until recently had no means to do so! Everyone wishes someone was around to see something cool and even minute events that occur during the course of the day.

Instant Messengers

I’ve lost all desire to use IM’s. I don’t know why but I’m not really a fan of communicating that way. I much prefer email. I’ve decided to turn off all my IM’s and just use FB chat occasionally while I’m on air at the studio. I’ve started to find it a little bit too intrusive. That’s not to say I’ve never use them again but right now I’m enjoying the break from them.

The Upshot

Being free from all those communication tools was a really liberating experience. I definitely will take a day out each month and switch off my phone and have a full day away from the computer. I will also not respond to messages instantly on the phone.

From the first day I gave it up I didn’t miss it at all but it’s not easy giving everyting up cold turkey in a world where we depend on those tools so much. So I’m not quite ready to give up my blackberry just yet but I’m sure going to not worry as much the next time I accidently leave it at home.

After finishing my sabbatical yesterday I came across this great post by Leo of Zenhabits called How to Live a Better Life With Less so check it out when you have some time!

I got forwarded this in an email and decided to post this up. I used to get sent loads of this kind of stuff in the past but not so much now. I thought I would post it up as it was one I quite enjoyed!

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants (factory)
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
5. Make time for prayer
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2008
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day —- and while you walk, SMILE !!

Personality:

11. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do ; keep your limits
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously ; no one else does
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and Laugh more
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:

25.. Call your family often
26. Each day give something good to others
27. Forgive everyone for everything
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day
30. What other people think of you is none of your business
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right things
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful
34. GOD heals everything
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up !
37. The best is yet to come
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be HAPPY !!!!!!!

The Experiment So Far

I’ve been on my sabbatical for nearly three days now and it’s been an interesting experience. I was at the studio yesterday morning doing my show and when I arrived I had no internet access whatsoever. I had to do the whole show without any resources. It was a good test to see if I could do the whole show just from whatever came to my head but in the end I decided to get one newspaper and mainly use it for the funny stories for my bizzare news segment.

I could’ve switched on my Blackberry and used the internet but I decided to see what else I could get to hand. Because I didn’t have the internet I couldn’t do simple things like the Traffic & Travel report. I was also by myself which made it especially difficult but I used the time off air to relax and meditate.

I know it’s only been 3 day but since I decided beginning this I’ve found that I’ve become so much more focussed on any tasks at hand. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll continue to do this from now on but I do think that there are certain tools I’ll use much less. I will continue to use tools like Facebook and Twitter for personal marketing but I won’t use them as much to socialise.

A few people have said that I’m cheating by using blogging or or evening having an emergency phone. Who am I cheating? I decided the rules of this trial and even if I wanted to there are just certain things I would not be able to escape. I would still have to use email and internet for work and not to mention my work mobile phone. So from the beginning I decided the 3 main things I’d forego would be my Blackberry, TwitFace, and IM’s.

Mountain Climbing

So onto other things. A couple of weeks ago my friends and I went to Snowdownia and climbed Mount Tryfan. At just over 3000ft tall it’s not the highest mountain in the range but is one of the more tricky ones to climb as it requires using both your hands and feet. We managed to make it to the top in about 90 minutes and that was stopping for one break and also taking some pictures by the late on the mountain.

We were so fortunate on the day as the weather was perfect. On the peak we managed to catch a wonderful sunset. At the top of the mountain are two boulders called ‘Adam and Eve’. You can jump between the two but it is scary! I was going to try it but I’d injured my knee so it’s an experience I’ll have to savour for the next time!

Basketball

Last week I went to see the Four Nations Basketball tournament at London’s O2 arena. It was Great Britain Vs Poland and Turkey Vs Israel. Turkey thrashed Israel and beat them by over 20 points. I could see that Turkey was by far the surperior side and I had a feeling that they would most likely win the whole tournament (which they did).

Great Britain lost all three of their matches over the weekend. When I was there on the Friday all the Great Britain supporters defected to support the Polish side during the game. The GB team just seemed as if they just lacked the necessary discipline to even play at a similar level to the other teams. It was my first time going to see a live Basketball game; something that I’ve always wanted to do!

Wedding Speech

On Saturday I did my speech at my friends wedding. If you didn’t already see it I put up my article last week on my top tips and writing and making a speech. I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped but there were some good things that I took away. I didn’t memorise the full speech so I kept the script with me incase I needed to refer to it.

I got someone to record the speech so I could play it back and learn from my performance. One of the biggest things I took away from it was the use of my tone. That was one area where I felt I lacked that certain ’something’ to give the speech an even greater impact. I’ve taken something away from it and that’s what counts the most. I know the bride and groom appreciated it too which is the most important part of all. I was nervous beforehand but once I was on stage the nerves dissapeared. I managed to keep my voice steady and made good use of the pauses. I’ll put a snippet of the speech onto youtube at some point in the near future.

Asian Woman Magazine Article

Last week my article came out in Asian Woman magazine. I was asked to write the ‘he says’ portion of a the ‘he says she says’ segment. The subject of the article was ‘can you have a relationship without sex?’. I wasn’t sure how to approach this subject in the beginning as my views on sex are very liberal. I only had 400 words to play with and truth is there’s only a very limited amount you can convey within that space. I decided to just be honest and say what I felt. Although it isn’t a full picture of my beliefs but it does give some indication of what I believe about sex and relationships.

It was new experience for me writing for an international publication and also being limited to 400 words. That was a great challenge in itself but so far the response to the article from people who have read it has been good. There are plenty of people who didn’t like the article which is great news for me as it means I didn’t write something which was just a bit status quo but was also something that was bit more controversial and sparked some discord within people.

The last thing I wanted to end on was just mentioning this story on the BBC website which I’ll be discussing on my ‘Backchat’ show on Sunday.. It’s amazing the direction technology is taking!

I’ve decided to take a week-long sabbatical from communications as far as my day to day requirements will alllow. The things I’ve decided to forego as much as possible are in the form of my Blackberry, all IM’s, Facebook and Twitter. I’ve got myself a spare number which I will carry with me incase of emergencies. I will also allow myself to check email (I’m going to try for just once a day but that may not be practical), do daily short blog posts and use my google docs. I will also use it as much as my work requires me; but no mindless surfing.

The Right Time

I’ve been meaning to try this for a while and I always found myself saying that ‘now isn’t a good time’. How often have you used those words? I’ve realised that those words are the biggest excuse that humanity has counjured up and it basically is just an illusion. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again that if something is important to you, you will make the time. If you aren’t making the time for something you’ve got to be honest with yourself and understand that it’s most likely because it’s not important to you.

I realised that in all honesty there will never be a good time to do this experiment. I just either have to do it or decide not to! I also decided to keep well clear of people who don’t understand this simple concept. They can be such a drain, will always make excuses and are almost always guaranteed to let you down.

The Experiment

I decided to do this to see what it would be like without instant communications. We almost don’t have the opportunity to miss people anymore. On my blackberry I usually have my MSN on, Gmail chat, Facebook and of course Blackberry Messenger. I think most people have the false belief that all these communications tools will enhance our lives. While I do believe that to a certain point they do provide some level of enrichment I do think there is a saturation point. There is a point where it can all become a bit too much. I enjoy emailing and I need some line of communications to all the projects I’m involved with and so email with serve that purpose fine for me for the next week.

The challenge I face now is that I know that people are used to getting an instant response from me and so to go cold turkey not everyone will understand. So I may cheat just a little and check my phone once a day for any urgent text/messages. I wanted to see what it would be like just going back to the basics. The simplicity of just calling and emailing people is giving me a bit of a buzz. I’m looking forward to seeing how this experiement goes and I can already see the benefit it’s having on me. I already feel so much more focussed and lighter already; it almost feels like a kind of detox! It’s not easy! I can feel the urge to switch on my phone again out of sheer curiosity to see who’s messaged me but I’m going to stick to this as much as I can.

If all goes well I may stick with this format from now on. I’ll continue to use my phone but I’ll most likely stop using IM’s and totally cut down on FB and Twitter. My blog automatically updates them anyway so there’s nothing I need to do there. I’m not sure how its going to work in terms of promotion or the radio and comedy but I’ll see how it goes in the beginning and take a good look at how I can handle those scenarios.

I would love to hear your thoughts about all modern communications and what you think about my experiment. Leave a comment!