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“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”
Peter T. Mcintyre

One of the most common questions I get via email is how to increase your confidence in yourself. It was also one of the most common problems people listed in the big survey I did at the end of the last year here on the blog.

So today I’d simply like to share a couple of things you can do to increase your self-confidence. For me, the most important one of these three things to build lasting self-confidence has been to…

Take small steps outside of your comfort zone.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said:

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

But an important thing about stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you don’t have to go all in at once in many cases. You don’t have to take one huge leap or become paralyzed in procrastination because the leap seems too big.

Instead, think about how you can move in small steps and slowly towards what you want. Just dip your toes in at first if that feels more comfortable. The most important thing is that you start moving and that you take action, not how fast or how much action you take at first.

If you for example want to start your own business then work on that in the evening while still working at your day job or staying in school. Don’t let thinking like “I have to go all in and take huge risks” hold you back.

If you want to improve your social skills and social confidence then take small steps. Steps like first just saying hi to people. And being more involved in conversations at work or in school to exercise your conversation muscles. After a while those things will feel more comfortable. And so you can expand your comfort zone a little bit more.

If you want to try something new like eating something new, talking to or calling someone new or reading something or doing something that doesn’t feel like the same old thing you always do then tell yourself that:

Just for today I will try [insert something you want to try]!

You just have to do it today. Not ever again after today. You are not signing up for some huge commitment.

Tomorrow you may continue on that new path. Or you may not.

By not making this into a huge thing you have do but instead just a small step that you can take and get done as slowly as you like it becomes so much easier to do what is most important at first: to put yourself in motion.

Then, along the way, you can take bigger leaps if you like and speed things up. You will learn through successes and failures (and realize that you won’t die if things don’t go your way all the time). You will quit some things and continue doing other things. And you will build your self-confidence muscle, step by small step.

Add smart habits to reduce the stress and inner pressure.

If you let stress and inner pressure ramp up you become weaker, you tend to overreact more often and negative viewpoints tend to pop up more frequently in your head. And your confidence in yourself and your ability to do what you want to do decreases.

By adding a few smart and simple habits that can release that inner pressure, stress and tensions on a daily and weekly basis it once again becomes easier to keep the physical and mental energy and inner strength up, to see things from an optimistic viewpoint and to keep it cool instead of making mountains out of molehills or feel like quitting after one mistake or setback.

Try adding one of these three un-stressing habits at a time and see how they work for you:

• Just breathe. When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again.
• Set clear boundaries for your day and week. By stopping my work at 7 o clock in the evenings at the latest and shutting off my computer then, by taking roughly 15 minutes of relaxing and recharging break time for each 45 minute period that I work and by staying away from work during the weekend and all media for at least one of those weekend days I become more relaxed and productive.
• Listen to yourself. When you become more irritable, start to feel drained, tired and creativity plummets listen to that. Do not plod on straight into the brick wall. Instead, schedule more time to take care of yourself. Don’t run off with your regular routine after school or work, take the time you have for yourself and spend much of it on yourself. Just stay in bed with a book for the evening. Or go out for quiet walk in nature. Do something you know relaxes and recharges you.

See it in your mind before you do it.

Before we are about to do something like having a meeting, a date, a regular day at work or a presentation many of us see it or some part of it in our mind. It is quite common to routinely imagine and see in your mind how things could go wrong in this upcoming situation.

Now, one often recommended thing to do instead is to close your eyes and see in your mind how well things will go. How things go great and as you planned during the presentation or meeting, how confident and enthusiastic you are during it all and then to see in your mind how the meeting is finished and done in the way you desire.

This way of visualizing has worked pretty well for me.

Another way of visualizing that I sometimes use is what could be called the “it’s no big deal” visualization. When I do this I basically see in my mind how this meeting or upcoming situation will not be a huge thing that could go wrong.

Instead I see in my mind myself acting in the situation as if it is a normal thing like so many daily or weekly things in life. I see myself as relaxed and calm, the situation may even feel a little anti-climactic and it really is not different than other meetings/situations that I have had in the past.

This may not sound as inspiring as the first visualization but I find that it is sometimes more useful because it can be easier to believe in than a overly positive image of how things will go. And because it reduces nervousness, relaxes me and it allows me to stay present and be as myself in the best way. And that is often all that is needed. Because most of the time increasing your confidence for some situation is not about adding something or boosting yourself up in some way.

It is about reducing stress and nervousness to the point where you can act and think in the same relaxed and positive manner that you do with close friends and family.

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“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention.”
Jim Rohn

One thing that is very easy to get hooked on nowadays is to endlessly be checking your email, Facebook, Twitter etc. all day long.

I have certainly had a few bouts with getting hooked mostly on checking email too much. Many of my readers have emailed me and told me how they often spend too much of their days on Facebook or on checking their inboxes.

This may not seem that serious of a problem in theory, but these small bad habits can add up and disturb your life quite a bit. The excessive checking leads to:

• Spending your weeks, energy and time on the wrong things. When you spend too much time and energy in the wrong places then you often don’t get the most important things done. Your most important actions and tasks at work or school and your dreams and goals become something you neglect or procrastinate on.
• The illusion of getting important things done. When you are doing stuff in your inbox or social media accounts it may feel very important. But what of those things are really important 5 years from now? Or even 5 weeks from now? Some of that stuff is truly important of course. But don’t get lost in busy work.
• Increased sense of feeling worried, anxious and stressed. The more I checked my email the more nervous and anxious I became of missing something or that I would get a really angry or disappointed email. Plus, when you get stuck in using too much of your time and energy on the checking then you often don’t use your days in a good way and so the self-esteem tends to go down.

So what can you do to break out of these habits? Here are a couple of tips that helped me to stop being hooked on checking my email account too much and to be careful with Facebook and Twitter.

Be conscious of why you are doing it.

One thing that really helps me is simply to be conscious of why I wanted to check the email so much. I could be because I didn’t want to miss something important, to get compliments and validation from positive emails, to quickly solve the issues of people with a question or simply to relieve an inner feeling and impulse to check the email once again.

By just being conscious of this when I feel that I probably should check the email it becomes easier to say stop and go do something else instead.

Ask yourself: what is the worst that could happen if I don’t check it right now?

If you want to check the email many times a day because you are afraid something bad will happen if you don’t then ask the question above. And look to the past for references of how things usually go when you haven’t checked your email for a while. Don’t get lost in wild, disastrous fantasies taken from your overthinking mind.

Pause when you feel the need to check and just be still.

I have found that the need will pass if you don’t do anything for a few seconds or minutes. Then think of something better to do and do that instead.

Set clear boundaries.

Check your email, Facebook etc. just once a day if possible. Turn off your computer or cell phone at a certain time in the evening. Or put your smart phone where you can’t access it without getting up and walking a small distance. Or put is somewhere where you can’t see it, like in a drawer.

These boundaries will reduce checking and also make it easier to spend quality time with the people in your life without having to see that phone or computer and letting the impulse to do one quick check ruin a good conversation.

Make a deal with yourself to postpone checking for one hour in the morning.

You can probably postpone the checking for one hour in the morning without big consequences. Then if possible, after a day or two, try to move the checking further down the day. Maybe to after lunch. Or perhaps even, as I have, to the end of the workday.

The further you can move the checking in your workday, the less of a priority it will feel like as you fill the first hour(s) of your day with what is actually the most important stuff. This will reduce the impulse checking that often becomes worse if you start your day with the email.

Simply fill your day with more important and exciting things.

Checking up on Facebook, Twitter and email can be a good help and addition to your life but it can also become a sort of replacement where it becomes easy to spend time instead of going out and having other experiences and being there fully. Stuff like being out in nature, playing sports or playing in a band, working towards your biggest goal, having uninterrupted conversations or a fun night out.

By filling your life with a bit more fun or exciting activities, people face to face and the things you want out of life you simply won’t have time or as many reasons to do all that checking anymore.

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“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”
Sydney J. Harris

Keeping the stress away in life isn’t just about the big decisions and challenges like the career, your most important relationships, money and health.

It is also to a large degree about what you do each day and week. Those small habits that you may forget about or neglect that when added up make a huge difference.

Here are 10 of them that are having a wonderful impact in my life and have had a very positive effect for many people.

Write it all down.

Use your mind for better things than remembering what to do. And the mind is often like a leaky bucket. So write down all your great ideas, insights, and thoughts before they go missing somewhere and add what you need to do to a to-do list.

One thing at a time.

You’ll get better results and feel better and less stressed if you do just one thing at a time. So instead of multi-tasking, get your day started with doing the most important task of the day until it is finished. Then continue with the next task that is now the most important one for you.

Ask instead of guessing.

Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate. This will help you to minimize unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.

Don’t make mountains out of molehills.

Before you start thinking too much about something and building it up something big in your head, ask yourself “am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? And if you get lost in victim thinking in some way then ask yourself “does anyone on the planet have it worse than me right now?”.

Pack your bag before you go to bed.

Then you don’t have to get stressed out by that in morning and you are less likely to forget something.

Set clear boundaries for your day and week.

I have to have limits to properly balance fully focused work with relaxation. By doing things this way I have discovered that I become more productive when not everything is about being productive. And life, in my experience, does become more pleasurable too. Three ways to set boundaries for your day and week are:

• Set at stop time and start time for work. I do not work after 7 o clock in the evenings and I do not work before 8 o clock in the morning.
• Plenty of breaks each day. Take breaks during your day to stay sharp and to have energy for the evenings and weekends too. I usually work for about 45 minutes and take a 15 minute break per hour. During that break I get away from the computer and do something different like going out for fresh air, eating something or watching half an episode of the Simpsons. Then every third hour or so I take a longer break for lunch, a snack or something like that.
• Don’t work on weekends. I try to stay away from the usual impressions and routines during the weekend. I usually take one media- and internet free day. I rarely check my emails on Saturdays or Sundays. Instead I spend time with my girlfriend, friends, family, a good book or movie or I do some other fun activity.

Keep everything in its place.

If everything has its own place then it is whole lot easier to keep your home reasonably ordered and decluttered from day to day. And to find the keys, wallet and cell phone as you are heading out the door.

Be 10 minutes early.

This very simple tip has transformed those traveling times during my day into relaxing breaks instead of passages of time and space that only up my levels of stress and other negative feelings.

Keep a very simple workspace.

By keeping a very simple workspace you minimize the distracting and stressing clutter. And your attention becomes easier to focus in a natural way on what is most important. So think about how you can create such a place to work in.

One suggestion is to just have small desk with a laptop, a pad of paper and a pen and something that inspires you on one of your walls like a list of your top priorities or dreams, a good quote or a meaningful photo that gives you a jolt of energy and positivity.

Just breathe.

When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again.

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Life may interfere. Perhaps you get overwhelmed at work or at home. Maybe you go away for a vacation or a conference somewhere. Or maybe – because change is scary and could be harmful – your mind starts to create thoughts that that try to persuade you to quit this new and possibly positive change.

What to do then? Here are a few tips that help me to keep going on such tough days or to make smart decisions.

Just for today!

Here’s a little phrase I got from Brian Tracy that I often use when I’m having a bad day with a new habit. I say to myself: Just for today I will XX!

Replace XX with what you will do just for today such as getting exercise, getting going with the most important task first thing in the day or eating a healthy lunch.

By telling myself that I only have to do it today I release the mental burden of the past times I did it and future times when I will do it. And so the task becomes much lighter and the inner resistance melts away.

Plus, it also reminds me that the period that I am are investing in changing a habit is not the rest of my life. After 30 days or so the habit will mostly be automatic so it is not something I have to do on willpower for the next few years or decades.

And guess what, when tomorrow comes I’ll have a good day again with less resistance and I will most likely feel like doing the task again.

Find inspiration quickly to change your mood and mind.

When you are having a rough day then go and find some inspiration and motivation to keep going. With the help of just 15-20 minutes of personal development CDs, mp3s, blog posts or a chapter or two in a book you can often change negative thoughts and feelings within into something more positive.

And so you’ll once again feel more motivated to keep going.

Nudge yourself back on track when you slip.

You’ll probably slip along the way. It’s natural to do so. If you can avoid doing so over the 30 days then that is good. If you slip then that is OK too. Don’t beat yourself up if you do. That will only causes more negativity within and you may feel like giving up altogether just because you made a small slip or mistake.

Instead, nudge yourself back on track the next day again. And then keep going with the thought in mind that is the smart choice to forgive yourself to make it easier to make this habit a sticky habit.

Take a break.

Maybe you simply need a break for a day or two. Then take it. But then nudge yourself back on track again. Do not let a small break become the end of this positive change.

Have a cheat day.

I found having a cheat day to be very helpful when I lost 26 pounds in the beginning of 2009. On Saturdays I was allowed to eat some of the unhealthy but delicious stuff I was sometimes craving during the rest of the week. This became a vent that helped me to release that inner pressure regularly.

Instead of letting it ramp up until I wolfed down way to much of the stuff I craved.

I still, most of the time at least, stick with eating candy or potato chips on Saturdays and it helps me to maintain my weight and to not allow old and bad habits to pop up again.

Quit.

Are you creating this habit because you truly want it? Or are you creating it because someone told you to or because so many people around you seem to have it or work on it?

Oftentimes when you create a new habit there will be thoughts and feelings of not wanting to work on the habit. This can, for example, come from feeling overwhelmed or tired or from the common drop in enthusiasm after a few weeks. Or from feeling bored with the habit from time to time. That is natural and can be overcome.

But if you have no passion or real interest personally to create this habit in the first place then it will be very hard or impossible to keep it up.

So if you feel like giving up or bored a lot, if you feel no real passion or excitement or curiosity about the habit then ask yourself the two questions above. Because then it may be time to quit doing this and to spend your time and energy on a habit you truly want to cultivate.

What you want isn’t easy to know before you get started though. And although, for example, the habit of jogging wasn’t something you really wanted to do doesn’t mean that you should give up on a habit of getting regular exercise. Try walking, biking, playing badminton or table tennis instead. Try a new habit and see if it is a better fit and more enjoyable for you.

Because if it fits you and your life and you truly enjoy it then it becomes a whole lot easier to establish the habit and to keep going with it for a long time.

NOTE: The special launch week offer is now over.

Is your daily life often too stressful, chaotic or overwhelming?

Do you feel like getting rid of the clutter in your home and workspace and building a more calming and peaceful life?

Would you like to work and do things in a simpler and smarter way so that you have more time and energy over for yourself and the things that are most meaningful in your life?

Do you want to spend your money more consciously on what you truly want rather than wasting too much of it on impulse purchases and unnecessary costs?

And do you want to live a simpler and lighter life but rarely or never seem to get around to taking action on those thoughts and dreams?

You are not alone. I was there too a couple of years ago. Many of us are or have been stuck to various degrees in procrastination, daydreams or not knowing how to go about practically simplifying life.

And that is why I have created my new course called 31 Days to a Simpler Life. To give you a kick-start.

A course designed to make you think, but more importantly to DO things

31 Days to a Simpler Life is designed to make you think about how you live your life. But more importantly, it’s designed to make you DO things. To do one task each day for 31 days to simplify your life step by step.

This course will teach you techniques and tips that make it easier to simplify your life. At the end of the course you’ll have more knowledge and ideas about how to live a simpler life. But you will also have achieved small and big victories.

By focusing on a small or medium-sized concrete task each day and getting it done you will be more motivated and excited to continue to keep simplifying life after this course is over.

And with that empowering momentum inside of you you’ll feel confident, motivated and trust yourself enough to tackle even bigger and more complicated stuff and to build simplicity habits that you become addicted to and that sticks with you for life.

How a simpler life becomes a happier life

But why even try to simplify your life? To have more order and to be better organized? Yes.

But in my experience there are even more important reasons to simplify to:

• Find more inner peace and freedom in a world that can be chaotic, complicated, worry-inducing and stressful if you let it be.
• Focus on experiences rather than things, having and possessing.
• Have less distraction and more attention for your passions and what is meaningful in your life.
• Find more time and energy for love and your relationships.
• Have more time, energy and space for your thoughts and creativity.
• Spend your money conciously on quality and what you really want rather than quantity and impulse purchases.

Those are the most important things I have gained from simplifying my life and from living a simple life every day.

I am addicted to keeping things simple because it enhances my life quality in so many ways. And in this course I would like to share what I have learned and help you to get off to great start with your own simplifying and lay out a plan for how you can live a simpler life from now on.

So what will you gain more specifically from this course?

The most important positive changes that this course will help you make are to:

• Keep your focus on what is truly most meaningful and important in your life.
• Declutter your home, workspace and other cluttered areas in your life.
• Uncomplicate your social life and schedule.
• Simplify your finances, reduce unnecessary costs and spend your money more consciously.
• Become more relaxed, focused and effective at work and in life.
• Reduce the information inflow and even take totally media free days.
• Explore mindfulness and relaxing solitude.
• Simply stop feeling so overwhelmed or stressed and start feeling happier on the inside.
• Create changes that stick with you for life.
• Learn to stick with the plan and actually do things to simplify your life instead of just dreaming or thinking about it.

60 Day 100%, No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee

I am so confident that this course will help you that it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee. So it’s a risk-free deal for you.

If you aren’t satisfied that the 31 Days to a Simpler Life Course is helping you improve your life or you don’t like the material for some reason then just let me know via email and I’ll refund you in full with no hard feelings and no questions asked.

Here’s What You’ll Get if You Sign Up for the 31 Days to a Simpler Life Course Today

Besides the 75 page concise main guide in PDF format with your daily tasks you also get these three helpful bonuses when you join the course:

• Beyond 31 days: 9 Tips that Will Help You to Create Simplifying Habits. A written guide that will help you to continue to create habits of simplicity that stick with you for life.
• The Decluttering 101 Audio Guide. A handy guide in mp3 format that will help you to unclutter your life.
• The Simple Email Audio Guide. A concise guide in mp3 format on how to handle your daily email processing in a simpler and less stressful way.

There is a time for a real change. A time to actually start living the simpler life you really want. A time to start unburdening yourself of the clutter, focus on the most meaningful things and people in your life and to find more energy and time for what you really want to do.

If you like, that time can be now. So let’s get started.

A membership in the course costs just $9.97 (that is a one-time fee).

Click the Add to Cart button below to get your membership right now and to get access to all the course material in just a few minutes.

P.S: I spent many years to get to where I am today. I procrastinated. I daydreamed. I stumbled.

Now, today my life is so much better but I sometimes wish I would have gotten started earlier and taken consistent action to get here quicker. I don’t want you to go through all of that. I don’t want you to have to spend that much time, energy and frustration before you get a good start and a process that works in the long run over the coming years.

Instead, get a kick-start today. Start building that positive momentum each day towards simplicity and a more meaningful life.

And remember, you have a 60 day, no hard feelings and no questions asked money back guarantee so you can check out the 31 Days to a Simpler Life Course with no risk for you.

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“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Happiness must not always come from big things and events. It can come from smaller, daily habits too.

So today I’d simply like to take a look at 3 quick tips and habits that help me to live a happier life. Pick one and see how it works for you.

Help someone.

Helping someone out is one of simplest but also one of the most powerful things one can do to live a happy life.

How can you help someone out? By giving them value in some form. Such forms could be:

• Offering some practical help. With for example work, moving houses or cooking dinner.
• Giving some good advice. People may not always want advice but if they ask then give your best advice based on your experience.
• Being understanding instead judgmental. Two questions that can help with that are: What parts of this person can I see in myself? How is he or she like me?
• Hugs. The comfort of one hug or more can make the other person’s situation at least a bit better.
• Encourage someone. There is much discouragement in the world. So instead, be an exception and encourage people to believe in themselves and what they want to do.
• Just listen. Sometimes people don’t want any help. They just want to vent or for someone to listen as they figure out things and release pent up emotions. It may not seem like much but it can be an immense help for someone who needs it. So be there fully – don’t sit there thinking about something else – and listen.
• Put things into perspective. It’s easy to get wrapped up in a problem and to make a mountain out of a molehill. But you can help out by adding your perspective. The two of you can talk about it, perhaps laugh about it and even find the hidden opportunity within the problem that in one person’s head may have almost seemed like the sky was falling.

And remember to pat yourself on the back and appreciate yourself for helping someone out. Do not brush it off or make it smaller than it is. Pause and take a moment to quietly reflect on how you did something good.

Have a low bar for happiness.

This is something I have experimented with lately.

I tell myself this when I wake up in the morning: “Have a low bar for happiness today.”

As I tell myself this and try to keep it in mind during the day I appreciate things more. The food, my work, the weather, the small events of the day becoms not everyday stuff but something I feel happy to have. The small or what may be something one takes for granted becomes something I now often pause for a moment or two to take in and appreciate.

But if I become happier in my everyday life for the smaller things does that mean that I become unmotivated to keep working towards the bigger things?

Not in my experience so far.

This way of looking at my life instead fuels me with more energy and inspiration, life becomes lighter and I feel less inner resistance as I explore and work towards both small and bigger things.

I recommend giving this one a try and see how it works for you. You’ll of course forget about this low bar for happiness from time to time during the day if you are like me. That is only natural and this still makes a big difference in my day.

Be kind to yourself.

Being kind to yourself is a wonderful things to live a happier life and a life with high self-esteem. There are many way to be kinder to yourself, but here are three good ones that I often use and have found to be powerful.

1. Change your input to things that are kind and constructive.

Destructive messages from the people around you or from people further away such as media, advertising and society in general does not help you to be kind to yourself. So, bit by bit, replace them with other daily and weekly input.

It could be the encouragement of friends and family and the help from someone close who has been in a situation that you are in now. It could be practical personal development books and blogs that help you out with real solutions to the challenges you face and the goals you want to achieve. It could be spending more time in nature and in silence to relax and recharge yourself.

2. Compare yourself with yourself.

Comparing what you have and your results to what other people have and have accomplished can really kill your motivation and keep your self-esteem at a low level. There are always people ahead of you.

So focus on you. On your results. And how you can and have improved your results. This is important because it’s a great motivator to see how much you have improved and how far you have come.

3. Give yourself a break.

I sometimes hear that you should always be positive or always be winning or working towards your goal. That may sound inspirational in theory. But reality is not ideal or perfect and neither are you and I. Life gets in the way sometimes. You may get in your own way. And sometimes you simply don’t have the energy or the courage or the time to do something. And that is OK.

Instead of trying to live up to some perfect image that other people and/or you may press upon you, choose to set human standards for yourself. Choose to give yourself a break when things don’t go as you may have wished and choose to cut yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself up mercilessly.

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One very helpful life skill is to be able to chill out. To be calm in negative situations and not overreact about all kinds of things. Or invent big, big problems in your mind – or create them in your world as you drag other people in through arguments – by making mountains out of molehills.

By being able to chill out when needed to you will:

• Have a lot less stress, worry and pointless conflicts with other people.
• Waste less of your time, energy and thoughts on things that aren’t really that useful.
• Attract what you are. To be able to draw people who are more relaxed and positive about life into your life then you have to be that person yourself. People like to hang out with people who are similar to them (because it’s comfortable, because it brings more fun and success, because people have 24 hours in a day and so choices need to be made). Being someone that can be cool and relaxed about things is a positive and attractive social quality for any kind of relationship.

So how do you do it?

Well, here are three good habits that help me to chill out instead of overreacting and becoming angry, frustrated, fearful or worried about small and medium-sized stuff – and oftentimes even the big issues – in life.

Ask yourself if this even really matters.

By asking yourself the wrong questions you can make any little thing into a huge problem. By asking yourself better questions you can see things from a more helpful perspective.

• Who cares? Very simple. Asking yourself this makes you realize that no, this isn’t a big deal to fuss or worry about.
• Will this matter 5 years from now? Or even 5 weeks from now? One of my absolute favorite question combos. It is very useful in many situations and is often all I need to change my mood and mind. If you ask yourself these questions you will discover that if you put something into a more healthy perspective then few things matter that much.

Get a life.

I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago when I wrote about how to not let your smart phone take over your attention and life. It’s a tip and habit that works well to help you respond in a more relaxed way to various situations too.

Because if you find yourself sitting around too much and not having enough to do then it’s very easy to get stuck in negative thought loops and go into a downward spiral. Simply by filling life with more fun activities and people I have found that I have become a lot more relaxed and less prone to overreacting about the little things.

I have found that when you have good and exciting things going on then you don’t magnify small things to create drama in your life. Because you have very little time to do so and you have more important and fun things to do so issues tend to retain their correct size rather than growing into mountains.

So spend less time analyzing life and more time living and exploring it in whatever way you’d like. By doing so you are also often confronted with having to expand your comfort zone and perhaps face a fear. This leads to better self-confidence and less fretting about if you can handle things that may come up.

What would someone else do?

This is a good way to find a new, more useful and sometimes more playful perspective. You simply ask yourself what someone else would do in your situation.

Maybe you ask yourself:

• What would Winnie the Pooh do?
• What would James Bond do?
• What would mom or dad do?
• What would [insert name of your calm and wise friend] do?

The point is to play around and find a new perspective and drag yourself out of your current negative, stressed and confused headspace and see things in another light. Just doing that can often help you to calm down, realize that this isn’t a huge deal and help you to think a bit outside of your own box and find a solution that you can apply.

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Image by Shermeee (license).

Maybe the biggest problem people have when trying to improve something in their lives is that they never take much action at all.

Perhaps the second biggest problem is that they don’t take consistent action over a longer time period.

Now, consistency isn’t really the sexiest or most exciting word in personal development. But it is, coupled with time, what will give you real results in your life. Sticking with the program and doing something consistently – and not just when you feel inspired or something like that – is very, very powerful.

This is something I have struggled with a lot in the past. And on some days I still do. But over the years I have found a few things that really help me with this.

So today I’d like to share 6 steps and habits that really help me to take consistent action instead of just taking action when I feel inspired or when the weather is sunny.

1. Follow a morning ritual.

This is perhaps the most powerful tip I have found so far in this area. You simply set up a routine in the morning that you do as soon as you wake up. This works so well because what you do early in the day often sets the context for your day.

As humans we have a strong tendency to want to be consistent with what we have done before. That’s one big reason why a bad start often leads to a bad day and a good start often leads to a good day.

So find your own good start to your day, one that helps you. Mine is for example very simple and includes a couple of glasses of water, a good breakfast, some light decluttering in my workspace and getting started with the most important task of the day right away after those first few morning activities.

By doing so I do not get lost in busy work, I pretty much always get something of importance done each day and my day starts out in a creative and inspiring way since my most important task is almost always writing an article or something for a book or a course.

2. When you are taking action, focus only on the process.

I use this, for example, when I workout and when I write. I don’t take responsibility for the results in my mind. I take responsibility for showing up and doing my workout/the writing. The results come anyway from that consistent action. And this makes it easier for me to take this action when I know that is all I need to focus on. Instead of using half of the energy and focus I have available on hoping that I “reach my goal real, real soon”.

Focus on the process and you will be a lot more relaxed and prone to continue than if you stare yourself blind on the potential results that never come as quickly as you want to and puts you on an emotional rollercoaster from day to day.

3. Every day, remember why you are taking action.

Find your top priorities and reasons for why you are doing what you are doing.

It could be to provide for your child, to save up for a big purchase or for traveling, to get the job you really want or to raise your self-esteem. Or something else.

To not lose track of why you are taking action, to stay focused, take a few minutes and write down the top reason(s) and put that note where you can see it every day. Like for example in your work space or near your bed so that you see when you wake up every morning.

Now, on some days it isn’t so easy to use the steps above. So here are two more steps that I use at such times to start moving forward again.

4. Quickly remind yourself that you don’t want to hurt yourself.

Realize that when you disappoint yourself and don’t think and do as you really deep down want to you hurt yourself by lowering your self-esteem.

Whatever you do during your day sends signals back to yourself about what kind of person you are. Do the right thing like being effective, kind, going to the gym or simply rest and you feel good.

Get lazy, negative or just plain mean and you tend to feel worse after a while. You don’t get away, there is no escaping yourself. And there is always a price to pay. This is a powerful motivator to become a better person.

5. Take smaller steps on the days when the big ones seem to daunting.

On some days getting started with that most important task of the day or doing any of the big tasks may seem daunting and you start to procrastinate. When that happens, one thing that has worked for me is to be kind. To nudge myself forward instead of beating myself up.

So at such times I focus on doing a very small and simple task or two. Or I may make a deal with myself to just work for 5 minutes on a bigger and more difficult task. Or if that feels like too much I make a deal with myself for 2 minutes of work.

Sometimes that results in a few dents put into a big task, a couple of smaller tasks being completed and many breaks being taken throughout the day. And sometimes the easy start or restart to the day is all I need to get going again and to have a good and very productive time before the evening arrives.

Either way, I move forward instead of standing still.

6. Celebrate what you did today.

Finally, one habit that you can use at the end of your work hours or before going to bed. When you appreciate your good work you feel even better about your life and yourself and over time taking more action with less inner resistance becomes possible and associated with even more positive emotions.

So take two minutes at the end of the day to think about what you can appreciate about what you did today. Or write down a couple of self-appreciative things in your journal. Have a tasty treat or a bigger celebration. Tell someone how nice something turned out, how you learned a good lesson or how proud you are over something important you did today. Reward yourself for the things you did right today to strengthen your action taking habit.

And remember to be kind to yourself for the things you may have missed or not gotten done. No point in trying to beat yourself up. No point in trying to be perfect. See what you can learn from it and perhaps try another solution tomorrow instead and see if that works better.

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Image by Cia de Foto (license).

“If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it.”
Olin Miller

A couple of months ago I got my first smart phone, a couple of years after most people up here in Sweden.

It is actually kind of awesome, especially when you have had an old Nokia for about half a decade.

With my new smartphone can check the news or any website at any time of the day, read books, play fun games like Where’s My Water? and Flick Golf and listen to Spotify. And I’ll have an awesome guide with loads of pictures, info and a map for when mushroom hunting season begins here in the summer/early fall.

But in the first few weeks of using it I also noticed that I felt more stressed. I started to procrastinate more by playing games on the phone or by doing random internet browsing. My attention span got chopped up into smaller pieces. I checked the phone too much while spending time with others and I started to feel addicted to doing something on the phone many times a day.

So something had to change. Here’s what I did – and a few general tips - to reduce the phone usage, minimize the negative effects and still enjoy the capabilities of this new tool. These tips can also be used if you are for example having similar problems with your computer.

Create small obstacles.

This is very simple and a boundary I have written about many times when it for example comes to eating healthier.

I set up a small obstacles to using the phone. When I sleep it is not in the bedroom with me but in drawer beneath the desk in my workspace. When I work during the day or hang out at home during the evening I keep the phone in the bedroom.

By putting up small obstacles like these I make sure that the phone is not by my side all the time and the procrastination by phone has dropped to about zero. And if someone calls or sends me a text message I will still hear it most of the time.

So if you can, prevent the easy access and what that tends to result in and put the phone somewhere where you can’t see it or where you have to get up and take a whole bunch of steps to get it.

Shut it off at a certain time each day.

I personally don’t use this for my phone but if you get a lot of calls every day then shutting it off at a certain time at the end of the workday and getting back to people tomorrow can prevent a lot of stress and inner negativity.

This is what I have noticed when using this tactic for my computer where I am writing this right now. I shut it off at seven o clock in the evening at the latest – but usually earlier that that – and it stays off until the next morning. By doing all my work on this computer and using our other computer for watching a movie for instance I draw a boundary that helps me to stick to my work schedule for about 95% of the time.

This has helped me to not become overworked and to decrease stress.

Bunch checking.

Instead of checking your Facebook, Twitter, email and other social media whenever you feel like it during the day and becoming hooked on that try bunching the checking. Try to just check all those accounts and inboxes once a day in one combined session at the end of your workday.

Or if you just use Facebook etc. for your personal life then limit it to one check a day or to checking it once just after lunch and once in the evening.

The less you check it and the later in the day you check it, the less you feel addicted to it. That has been my experience at least.

Get a life.

Of course, nowadays much of life is in the phone. We can check what friends and colleagues are up to and keep in touch and discuss things on the phone.

But the phone can also become a sort of replacement where it becomes easy to spend time instead of going out and having other experiences and being there fully. Stuff like being out in nature, playing sports or playing in a band, working towards your biggest goal, having uninterrupted conversations or a fun night out.

Simply by filling your life with a bit more fun or exciting activities, people face to face and the things you want out of life you won’t have time or as many reasons to use the phone that much anymore.

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Image by Frederic Mancosu (license).

“If you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it’ll change. If you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it’ll change.”
John A Simone

Some days go well. Other days can feel lackluster. Some days may start out pretty good but turn bad.

What can you do when you are having a bad day?

I like to ask myself a few helpful questions. These questions help me to regain a more optimistic and constructive perspective when I feel like doing nothing, dwelling on a problem or when I am in a bad mood.

Sometimes they help me to switch my perspective quickly. Sometimes they at least help me to see a bit of sunlight at the horizon and slowly I make a transition from having bad day into something a bit better.

1. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill right now?

It’s very easy to fall into the habit of making mountains out of molehills. You think and think about a small problem until it becomes something that you believe may ruin your life.

To snap myself out such a thought pattern I like to question and reevaluate by using this question. It makes life lighter because few things are real mountains. Most issues tend to be  molehills exaggerated by overthinking, listening too much to other people’s pessimism or not asking yourself helpful questions.

2. Does anyone on the planet have it worse than me right now?

I like to use this one when I am stuck on focusing on the negatives, when I feel like a victim and like things are going against me.

The answer helps me to remember and understand that I have much to be grateful for in my life.

This question changes my perspective from a narrow, self-centred one into a much wider one. It helps me to lighten up about my situation.

3. What can I learn from this situation and is there an opportunity here to grow in some way?

Whenever I am having a setback with my blog or am having a bad day in another area of my life I pause. I then ask myself this question.

And in almost all cases I can learn something new and/or change the direction in my actions so that I or some part of my life becomes better. Many times the bad days have in retrospect turned out to be blessings in disguises because they have been points when I have changes things in some way and made my life better.

So, when I wind up in a negative situation nowadays there is also often some curiosity and optimism that bubbles up within me.

4. What is one small step I can take right now to get ball rolling and to start turning this situation around?

Instead of spending too much time on dwelling on the problem or negative feelings see what you can do about the situation right now. By just getting the ball rolling in some small way by taking an action right now or today I usually feel relieved and a whole lot better.

I feel good about myself and I feel good about being on a path towards a solution or towards improving my day.

5. Can I just accept that this is how I feel right now?

Some issues you may not be able to take action on today to start resolving.

But that doesn’t mean that you cannot feel better about what is happening.

I can often feel better in these difficult situations by asking the question above and by fully accepting that this is how I feel right now.

Now, it is often a natural impulse to try to deny negative feelings or thoughts when they show up in your life. Perhaps you try to not think about them, perhaps you try to push that feeling away.

I have found that in many cases it is actually better to just accept that the negative feelings and th0ughts are here right now (although it can be hard to sometimes convince your brain that this is a good option as it wants to deny or reject what is).

By accepting that you feel this way and that these thoughts are floating in your mind you stop feeding more energy into them and you stop making them strong. After a few minutes of fully taking in this uncomfortable feeling and thoughts and accepting that they are here then they start to lose steam. They just seem to float away and you once again feel more open and are able to think more clearly.

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