The Journal of American Rocket Science cites as evidence this Reuters report:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – In a major new climate finding, researchers have calculated that dinosaur flatulence could have put enough methane into the atmosphere to warm the planet during the hot, wet Mesozoic era.

Like gigantic, long-necked, prehistoric cows, sauropod dinosaurs roamed widely around the Earth 150 million years ago, scientists reported in the journal Current Biology on Monday.
And just like big cows, their plant digestion was aided by methane-producing microbes.
“A simple mathematical model suggests that the microbes living in sauropod dinosaurs may have produced enough methane to have an important effect on the Mesozoic climate,” researcher Dave Wilkinson of Liverpool John Moores University said in a statement.

JARS researchers note the increase in carbon-causing particles coincides with the rise of the Republican party in recent times. JARS will publish further research as studies continue.

The Journal of American Rocket Science has learned from informed sources that the perennial Republican spoiler is seeking a new direction, one in which his audience is tightly controlled. Gingrich claims his facial features and animated ambiance are very reminiscent to Bob Keeshan, the original Captain Kangaroo, who starred in a children’s television series which aired weekday mornings on the American television network CBS for nearly 30 years, from October 3, 1955 until December 8, 1984, making it the longest-running nationally broadcast children’s television program of its day.

Newt claims he can stand in for the Captain’s warm relationship between grandparents and children. Moreover, his political career in the Washington scene gives him the ability to be a character who would tell stories, meet guests, and indulge in silly stunts with regular characters, both humans and puppets.

The Journal of American Rocket Science will inform you, and Jon Stewart’s Daily Show, of further developments.

“Abandoning his wife, abandoning his family—the man has no shame!” shouted the controversial radio host. “His actions show he is a swamp slut, and not the husband who obligingly obeys his woman, as do the rest of men, like me!”

Of special importance to this venture is the most powerful form of fuel for rocket propulsion and the JARS scientists have hit upon a highly innovative material—the former speaker’s legendary hot air. Gingrich’s speech has been well known to be extremely fiery and explosive, and its tremendous volume can provide unlimited amounts to power the fleet of rocket ships back and forth to the moon.

JARS scientists have discovered that his hot air contains a noxious compound that can outperform conventional rocket fuel. Moreover, its extremely high volatility may be possible to extend American colonies to the planet Mars, which Gingrich believes—with Republican inhabitants—can fittingly become a red state planet.

In the last few years, the big box stores have become fiercely competitive, moving store openings from 6AM the Friday after Thanksgiving to midnight and now into Thanksgiving evening itself, a move that seems only inevitable.

By next year, that traditional holiday song we have grown up with may be rewritten into: “Over the freeway and through the sound barrier walls to big boxes we go.”

But the Journal of American Rocket Science has discovered that a conclave of Catholic church hierarchy deliberated as to what to do about the constant criticism of lack of transparency.  Finally, one prelate came up with a solution: the answer to lack of transparency is glass, a lot of it. When they learned of the Crystal Cathedral was up for sale, they acted with uncharacteristic quickness.

As one church spokesman commented: “That’s why we are called the Holy See.”

The first glitter rocket will soar above the Minnesota State Capitol, the scene of continued unsuccessful attempts to enact a same sex marriage legislation. In fact, the Minnesota Supreme Court was one of the first in the nation to rule on the issue of marriage between same-sex couples. The Baker v. Nelson decision (291 Minn. 310, 191 N.W.2d 185) in 1971 held that Minnesota Statutes prohibited marriages between same-sex partners. The case was appealed to the United States Supreme Court. They issued a one sentence dismissal of the appeal (409 U.S. 810, 34 L Ed 2d 65, 93 S Ct 37; October 10, 1972) that stated: “The appeal is dismissed for want of a substantial federal question.”

The latest Minnesota legislative attempt came in May 2010. Three same-sex couples filed a lawsuit in Hennepin County District Court, arguing Minnesota’s ban on marriage between same-sex partners violates due process, equal protection, and freedom of association rights. On March 7, 2011, Hennepin County District Judge Mary Dufresne rejected their argument and dismissed the lawsuit.