The I Love You Blog

One Of The Most Important Things I've Ever Read...

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 04:05:00 +0000

...with my heart. I've come across many of these concepts with my brain before but it ain't the same. Give it some time ... check a few of the articles, maybe.

Robert Gurney on Codependence Recovery.

"The term, 'Codependence' is an inaccurate and somewhat misleading term for the phenomenon it has come to describe. A more accurate term would be something like outer-dependence, or external dependence. Because we have dysfunctional relationships internally, we have dysfunctional relationships externally."

"Traditionally in this society women were taught to be codependent on - that is take their self-definition and self-worth from - their relationships with men, while men have been taught to be codependent on their success/career/work."

"We do not know how to Love our self in healthy ways because our parents did not know how to Love themselves. We were raised in shame-based societies that taught us that there is something wrong with being human. The messages we got often included that there is something wrong: with making mistakes; with not being perfect; with being sexual; with being emotional; with being too fat or too thin or too tall or too short or too whatever. As children we were taught to determine our worth in comparison with others. If we were smarter than, prettier than, better grades than, faster than, etc. then we were validated and got the message that we had worth. "

I Love You Too

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:49:00 +0000

An I Love You appeared in my apple tree this morning.

Much love and thanks to the wonderful, mysterious Ziggy gifter!!!!

Speaking Of Tongues

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:50:00 +0000

listening is understanding
and finding compassion
love is the action of soul satisfaction
a tongue can make wishes and also fine kisses
taste a sweet cake and also cast disses
but nothing compares to the voice from within
without it we might just be mannequins
up to no darn good shenanigans
learn to be skillful movers of the stones
that block the heart and turn humans to clones
learn to forgive, set free the bones
touch with your flesh, take off the rubber gloves

love like your life depends on it
because it does

-Michael Franti & Spearhead

Again With The White Bears And Red Hearts

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:35:00 +0000

Longtime readers of this blog might recall my fascination for white bears with red hearts. Thousands of white, plush bears holding fuzzy red hearts have appeared in stores every February since I can remember ... then they suddenly disappear the morning after Valentine’s Day until the following year. Nobody knows where they go.

Why do so many people choose the white bear/red heart combination to express their deepest feelings year after year? One of the mysteries of the universe, I suppose.

The red hearts have always stated I Love You in white embroidery. Until this year. The bears appeared in their usual locations next to the chocolates and cards on the shelves, but with blank red hearts. Seems the greeting card industry trend to make sentiments more general reached the bears: most people want to give gifts on Valentine's Day, but not everyone wants to go as far as saying I Love You.Hallmark's third bear, Valentine's Day 2010: "Advanced voice recognition technology makes sure our bear is always ready with just the right words on Valentine's Day. Each time he hears I Love You he responds with 1 of 4 responses. Awww, I Love You Too, Give Me A Hug, You're The Best, I Love You More."

So now you have the giver of the bear expressing emotions only when the recipient expresses emotions ... to the bear, not the recipient ... and is the bear speaking for the giver? If the bear says Give Me A Hug, does the recipient hug the bear, or the giver?

Anyway, I want one! To help me with my next poetry reading.

Slyphs

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 20:03:00 +0000

Some clouds just floated by and told me to turn off the computer, so I'll type to y'all tomorrow!

Wheee!

I Devil You?

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:11:00 +0000

This T-shirt is listed for sale as "I LOVE ROCK," but that red thing is American Sign Language for, "devil."

The "love" sign is made by crossing both hands over your heart. Your hands may be closed or open, but the palm side should face toward you.

Maybe they were going for the I Love You sign (thumb out, not in), but then the shirt would read, "I--I love you--rock."

Aw well. Can't stop the rawk!

Loving Anger

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 16:32:00 +0000

Anger is not your enemy. She* is your friend. She tells you what you don’t want, reminds you to follow your path, to be true to yourself.

If you fail to listen, she’ll keep trying to reach you, like any good friend would. She is so powerful that the universe will re-arrange itself to help you listen. When you don’t hear, she blossoms into rage, bearing her fruit into your life.

So welcome anger; welcome rage. She tells you that you have healthy boundaries requesting respect, that you love yourself. My naturopath says that anger only lasts for three seconds –her message is short—in your energy field, so there’s no need to attach to her. Unless you choose to do so (but really, there’s no need to attach to anything). No need to spread her message, either, because it is meant for you and only you.

*She: because women aren’t supposed to feel angry.

Love Artist Gregory Alan Elliott

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 02:36:00 +0000

Today I want to tell you about my friend Gregory Alan Elliott -- a talented artist with a big heart. Here are Greg's own words about Greg's work, followed by my comments (kept brief, as there's a lot of love to cover!):

ON SNOETRY

SNOETRY is any image or phrase drawn or written in the snow. It does not have to make sense or rhyme... It can be clever, or not. At the very least, it can be a random happy face on a snowy car windshield... Or it can be a huge I-LOVE-YOU the size of a football field. After every snowfall, there are fresh opportunities to express oneself on a small or grand scale. Spontaneous. Temporary. Fully editable or erasable by any passerby, SNOETRY is cold hard democracy in a time-honoured, yet always fresh medium... SNOETRY is environmentally friendly when human power is used. Snoets believe that everyone is a good snoet.

I'm glad my "LOVE" message was a surprise to you on your way to your son's school. Just for you... and the rest of the planet. I left smiling hearts in the snow all over Toronto last night... I found myself on your street at 3 AM and figured I had enough energy for one more heart... but just before I made the heart, I realized you would probably rather have some LOVE... I was too tired for an entire "I LOVE YOU".

My new word (2008) SNOETRY and the story behind it (one page website) --> SNOETRY.org

I create the snoetry/graffiti, and then Google a few days later to find the images ... it's like treasure hunting for my own art. Sometimes an image just disappears, never having been documented (to my knowledge)...

Links: Toronto Star story, blogTO post, a row of hearts , BIG snow heart with my girlfriend's initials, BIG "I love you" to my girlfriend out back of OCAD and the AGO.

ON GRAFFITI

Photo: Michael Tunney

I have been signing my full legal name to my graffiti around Toronto. My first stencil was out front of Toronto's first Graffiti Festival about 15 or 20(?) years ago. It said "DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAFFITI!" and had my full legal name underneath. I guess I was trying to suggest that graffiti artists should take ownership and responsibility for their art... even if it meant fines and court costs. When I meet graffiti artists, and describe the concept, it really blows their minds... which is a good thing.

Photo: un_owen

Links: Toronto Star article (large .pdf about his painted love quotes on The Queensway), photo by cadburyon, photo by chewie2008.

ON DESIGN

I consider myself an experimental artist, illustrator, poet, etc... I work professionally as a graphic designer, and have worked in television and advertising. I grew up in Toronto Advertising Agencies. I do "charity" design for people who are dreaming/trying to build better communities-- like NotFarFromTheTree.org and Garden Jane.

Twitter bio: Experiments w/ Social Media as an artform. Father of four grown sons, artist, troublemaker, fun. 100% Annie Whomsley's man. Opinions here are my own. Calm down.

ON CREATING WORDS

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gregory+Alan+Elliott

My favorite description/word is INFRACULTURE. It honors/explains people who are doing "community good" projects.

WHY?

No idea really... You have to do SOMETHING while you're on the planet, if my art or short poetic turns-of-phrases bring a smile to someone's face, then that is good. If it makes them think too, even better... and, if it makes people discuss and debate their lives, then that is reason enough... isn't it?

I like what you are doing with your "love" projects. And... I am not going to ask you "why". I am just glad to see you doing it. It makes me smile, think and share.

♥♥♥

We come into this world with gifts, and Gregory Alan Elliott gives his so freely...I met Greg at an online gardening forum, where he was offering and delivering seedlings to hundreds of people. He brought me boxes of healthy plants; when my friends admired the bergamot he gave us, he dropped off pots for them. Greg, thank you for your generosity of spirit, in every way it manifests--through art, the natural world, laughter, and more. Other things to know about Greg: he takes snoetry requests; he asked the Dalai Lama to check out my blog; he loves his lady.

Gregory Alan Elliott on Twitter: greg_a_elliott.

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

A Kiss

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 00:21:00 +0000

A moving stillness. Stillness moving me through colours, colours moving behind my sight. The freckles in our eyes shimmer mirrors; images align in the kiss, eternal. In a dream, I was shown colours that don’t exist: magenta but not, a higher note of cyan, ultra violet and beyond. I see them again, with you.

I tell my brain not to worry, not to fear beauty. I have to do this a few times. As for time, it’s gone and it never existed. So many things never existed and what a joke that was. Like: how long was my heart not receiving? The question is nonsense. Now is now. We look for love under a microscope. We look for love in outer space.* Love is the micro to the macro, but when we close, we are forever looking for someone, something. Wrong eyes seeing wrong colours.

When the heart opens, colour is experienced, not seen. Everything is. It’s all love.

Snoopy Loves You

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:57:00 +0000

The Complete Peanuts 1975-1976 (Vol. 13) by Charles M. Schulz - detail, originally uploaded by fantagraphics.

Funny. The further I travel into the wordless, I find new meanings of old words. Words I thought I knew. New worlds. Love. Truth. Freedom.

Irony: we are multi-dimensional beings, but the written word is barely 3D. Letters have height, width, and only marginal depth. We give so much authority to things lesser than ourselves. We think words create high expectations, but maybe they’re too low. Limiting.

I dunno.

LOVE Artist Found!

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:06:00 +0000

Yesterday, a giant LOVE appeared across the street from my house. Afterwards, emails crossed with my beautiful friend Gregory Alan Elliott. Went something like this:

Me: Did you?!

Greg: Did you see?!

Thank you for the wonderful snoetry, Greg! I'm working on long piece about Greg's love art (which has been featured in The Toronto Star and on Citytv, always uncredited), but for now, please enjoy greg_a_elliott on Twitter.

LOVE Surprise

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:12:00 +0000

Was backing the car out of the driveway to get Garnett to school this morning.

Garnett: WHOOAAAA

Me: Ayyyy! What???!

Garnett: (pointing at hill across the street) LOVE.

Me. Whoa.

Love & gratitude (grafitude?) to our snow artist.

(I) Love (You) Apples

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 01:10:00 +0000

From Times of India: A couple obsessed with Apple products said “iDo” when they exchanged vows for each other this Valentine’s Day at a New York store of the technology giant.

The duo, Josh and Ting Li, became the first couple to dedicate their marriage to Apple that manufactures iPod and iTunes, Mac laptop and desktop computers and revolutionary iPhone.

The pair, who met in the Apple store, had their priest dressed as Steve Jobs, the company’s chief executive, and read their vows from their iPhones, while the rings were tied to a ribbon wrapped around a first generation iPod, the Telegraph reported.

Part of their vows included a passage from Jobs speech that said: “You have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down.”

Ling, who was in a strapless wedding dress, had her vows written on a card that said “I love you more than this” followed by a picture of an iPhone. Details of the unauthorised wedding, attended by 30 friends, emerged after an employee of the store tweeted about it on Twitter.

Later, Josh said she met her partner at the Apple store while buying an iPod.

Discourse On Love And Grammar

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 14:42:00 +0000

Cyan (my five year-old son): What's your favourite noun?

Me: Love

Cyan: Mommy, love's not a noun. It's a verb. It's an action.

Amazing Lies

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:32:00 +0000

Hypnotist/mentalist The Amazing Kreskin on how to determine if your partner is lying while saying, "I love you":

"In love, you are automatically in an uncritical frame of mind. You set aside barriers. You don't stop to analyze. So, look back. Relive mentally the sound of the person's voice when they said they loved you. Did you detect anything strange? Recall ... think ... did it give some uneasiness? If so, that's your signal it's not what it's cracked up to be. Keep in mind that this partner is mesmerizing you. Such is love. Love is an expensive experience. Everyone pays a price."

Valentine's Day 2010 Moments: A (Cell) Photo Essay

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 05:43:00 +0000

Highlights: ♥ cheap chocolate hangover ♥ thanking Always Webhosting for fast website launch support ♥ The I Love You World Graffiti Project goes live ♥ last minute decision to bike to Air Canada Centre ♥ scalpled ticket ♥ Michael Franti & Spearhead ♥ 20 000 people singing we're all One ♥ shivers ♥ met amazing activists from CARE.ca ♥ left before John Mayer ♥ turned onto new music from nice guys at Jam Van ♥ crazy V-day shop window cell phone pictures on ride home ♥ xoxoxoxo

Most of the weekend was spent finishing the first phase of iloveyougraffiti.com, which involved ditching my healthy eating, sleeping and exercise habits for all nighters, sitting at a desk for many focused hours (with Michael Franti & Spearhead albums in heavy rotation), and chocolate-based everything. Not a schedule I could keep up for long, but total fun!

When it was time to upload the files to the server, I couldn't login. Sent an emergency email to my webhost, Always Webhosting; ten minutes later, Ronnie came through with a reset. Thank you for your support! I felt overwhelmed by the beauty of the graf photos and their messages of love from all over the planet. Tired from the late nights. But so wired from the end-of-project high, coffee, chocolate, and adrenaline. Happy.

Bodies want to move! 7:20 pm: hopped on bike, pedalled to the Air Canada Centre. 8 pm: rocked out to Michael Franti & Spearhead in person. Their music only came to my attention a month ago, when Loren Grebanier sent me "Say Hey (I Love You)," thinking I'd like to know about this I Love You track. Loren lent me a few albums that I reeeeally should return to him!

I haven't been to a big show since Nirvana at Maple Leaf Gardens 20 000 people singing along with, "Hey Hey Hey" was so ... overwhelming ... I felt happy tears. There was a nice jolt of energy in "I Got Love For You," when Michael smiled and exclaimed something like, "this is FUN!" after seeming a little under the weather (not that I know him -- I'm just getting vibes). Anyway, I'll stop with the energetic reading of the show. This is why I'm not a music reviewer? "And then Cherine Anderson popped it all up purple flowers in the vocals" ... huh?

I am so happy when artists and activists create with the awareness that social consciousness doesn't happen without love. Love is political and a catalyst for real change. Just knowing Michael Franti & Spearhead are in the world doing what they do has helped me look at my own work in a fresh way, and I thank them for sharing their gifts. And for making me dance! Now iloveyougraffiti.com is somehow infused with their grooves.

Photo: Care.ca in West Timor

In the lobby after their set, I came across a booth displaying colourful beaded necklaces. CARE Canada was in the house and on tour with the band. CARE "seeks a world of hope, tolerance and social justice, where poverty has been overcome and people live in dignity and security." They "help strengthen communities through an array of programmes that work to create lasting solutions to root causes of poverty."

CARE empowers women with clean water, health care, education, nourishment, and income generating activities (like the necklace project represented at the booth). I'm not explaining this as well as the beautiful, smiling woman from CARE did to me, but if you can help, please make a one time donation or give monthly. Because "She has the power to change her world; you have the power to help her do it."

I left the Centre and wandered into the back of a Jam Van because the music sounded good. The two nice fellas wondered why I was leaving the show early, and when I told them I just wanted to see Michael Franti & Spearhead, they pulled out some music I might like. Thanks to you both for sharing your love for music with me. I left excited with all the new-to-me sounds and K'Naan's Troubadour, which I'm digging.

The ride home provided several Valentine's Day shop windows (can't exactly tell you why I love em so much, but I'm putting together a weird ass art show of sacred love symbols made out of V-Day decorations. Or something like that).

The streets were quiet. Cycling in the winter is glorious, especially when you take the city's quiet side streets and alleys. When I reached Harbord, the day came full circle.

I've taken photos of this I Love You graffito with better cameras over the years, but this was a nice moment. The beauty of the day was that I was in flow of the moment, and it carried me to wonderful people and lovely synchronicities. I followed my intuition every step of the way and it became an adventure. I thought of the ecstatic poets of old who created spontaneous lines in every moment, the people who followed them to write it all down, and the volumes of poems that were recorded. Was I attempting to get the moment down with my ... cell phone?

As I'm writing this, poet Richard Truhlar left the following comment on my Facebook wall: "Every moment can be an adventure, and you have only moments to live." Thank you, Richard. I'll end this post with that moment.

I Heard About Your Lessons But Lessons Are So Cold

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:02:00 +0000

Gonna get personal for a post. I have felt tight, constricted, sad, unloved, disconnected, ugly, stifled, lost, scared, angry, out of touch ... and then, cold. I exchanged living in the moment & love & life & truth for a false sense of security and all kinds of other illusions. Looking for that which needs to come from within outside of myself.

I'm not blaming anyone for this; in my exploration of love, I study what I want to learn and live. "the ancient texts do not take into consideration the ego development of the modern child, of which we are all" -theloveartist Kathe Izzo. A lot of my work has been about loving past that ego to find truth and freedom. It ain't pretty sometimes, and this is one of those times.

So far, I do know this: each time you ignore your intuition, you move from simplicity to complexity. Every time you do not act from love and integrity, you are making a deal with the devil (I don’t mean the Christian Devil—thinking an archetypal sort of devil here, if there is such a thing). The devil does not show up in a red suit with pointy ears and a pitchfork tail. He doesn’t have to.

We’re so quick to damn ourselves; we move so fast that we don’t know there is a place where all truth is revealed if we’d open our hearts and listen. The moment. Some call it the eternal moment, but maybe that’s confusing. The moment does go on forever. The further you can go into it, the more you know this. Time means nothing.

The definition of hell is fear. It’s a cold place, not hot. I can’t believe I felt frozen for so long. Hanging words like icicles.

Image: Instructables.com

But here I am, melting into the moment. "I'm just gonna take a minute and let it ride / I'm just gonna take a minute and let it breeze." -K'Naan. And/or: Hello, I Love You. Hello again.

Hearts

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 06:39:00 +0000

Hearts formed by nebulae, above; on Earth, "nothing says I Love You like a half-mile wide heart made out of manure," here.

"Speaking of Love, from Greece to Lotusland" by Sina Queyras

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 21:40:00 +0000

Poet & poetics force of nature Sina Queyras is sharing good thoughts, feelings, and questions about love in poetry at The Poetry Foundation's blog, Harriet. Her post includes quotes from Magnetic Fields lyrics, Lynn Crosbie's Liar, Sappho, and me.

Please check out "Speaking of Love, from Greece to Lotusland," by Sina Queyras. Meanwhile, I'll compile my Valentine adventures for a blog entry and enter a chocolate detox programme...

Happy Valentine's Day

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 21:23:00 +0000

The I Love You World Graffiti Project has a new website today, online at iloveyougraffiti.com.

Now for some chocolate!!

xoxox

Ways To "Spend" Valentine's Day

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 16:45:00 +0000

In the United States, consumers (er…people) will spend more than $14 billion this Valentine's Day. The National Retail Federation reports that couples will spend less on each other this year, but more on friends, co-workers and … pets. Couples are forecast to spend an average of $63.34 on gifts for their spouse or significant other, down from $67.22 last year. Men are forecast to spend twice as much as women on Valentine's gifts, averaging $135.35.

In Canada, a Walmart press release identified the following trends:

60 per cent of Canadians will buy a Valentine's Day gift and the majority will spend less than $50.
Mom is buying for her entire family, not just her husband.
Men are last-minute shoppers and so are Ontario residents. (maybe Ontario men are last-second?)
Quebecers, the planners, are the first to start their Valentine's Day shopping.
Western Canadians, the romantics, are stocking up on rose petals.
In Eastern Canada, Valentine's Day teddy bears dominate gift choices.

Most of this year’s Valentine stories are about buying gifts, saving money on buying gifts, green gifts, creative gifts, how love is not about buying gifts; did I mention gifts? As in past years, you’ll also find many articles on the origin of St. Valentine’s Day. Allow me to sum them up for you: no one really knows. Historians have no definitive explanation for the present-day use of the heart symbol, either.

Chinese Year Of The Tiger celebrations fall on February 14th this year and overshadow Valentine's Day in many parts of the world. Macau Daily Times writes, “In the busy streets you can hear Chinese songs, and find yourself surrounded by red and yellow colours – symbols of luck and wealth. Walking along the streets you could almost forget that tomorrow is also Valentine’s Day. Unlike previous years, this year it is rare to find hearts and love themed decorations in the shops.”

In Surabaya, Indonesia, Muslim leaders are banning the holiday. "We forbid Muslims to celebrate Valentine's Day. The day is often celebrated by young, unmarried people. They celebrate Valentine's Day by holding hands or having free sex, which they are not supposed to be doing," said Abdullah Cholil, an East Java leader of Nahdlatul Ulama, the country's biggest Islamic organization. Saudi Arabia took it one step further and banned the colour red, along with the holiday.

An elementary school (for kids age 4-11) in Somerset, England is also banning V-Day, stating, “Some children and parents encourage a lot of talk about boyfriends and girlfriends. We believe that such ideas should wait until children are mature enough emotionally and socially to understand the commitment involved in having or being a boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Meanwhile, in Bangalore, police are ensuring that couples celebrating the occasion are not harassed. Police Chief Shankar Bidari says, “Ours is a democratic country and every person has the right to take part in any festival. Celebrating Valentine’s Day is an individual’s business. We will provide security to such persons.”

Closer to home, Valentine’s Day, opens this weekend and is predicted to be a monster blockbuster film. I don’t have much to say about it and other films like it, but Gothamist nailed it with, “"Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date."

My favourite story of the season comes from Gothamist’s sister site, Torontoist. Local restaurant Mildred’s Temple Kitchen is offering a Weekend of Big Love package, which includes furry handcuffs, fresh oysters, and Lady-And-The-Tramp spaghetti and meatballs served from one plate. The email promotion also asked diners, "Have you given any thought to moving beyond the bedroom? Check out Mildred's Sexy Bathrooms throughout the weekend of Big Love. You get the picture."

A Toronto Star reporter wrote a bathroom sex-text story that went viral, appearing all over the Internet, on Jay Leno and in various international newspapers. “People were outraged that we're tarnishing the reputation of the Toronto restaurant industry. We've been called a classless bunch running a bawdy house, who the police should take to jail,” co-owner Donna Dooher told The Star. “We were just having a bit of fun and being playful.”

But if you want to truly blur the borders between sex and food, you’ll have to make the trip to Chicago’s “Out To Lunch” room at Rainbow Pink Palace. A sandwich-shaped bed with a mirror over it in a “suite for people who enjoy lunch without leaving their bed” can be yours. I guess for some folks, the way to the heart is the stomach, just like Grandma said.

However you're planning to spend, or not spend, Valentine's Day: happy wishes to you this Feb. 14. I must admit I'm kinda "spent" looking at love through the eyes of the media for now.

BitterSweets® From DESPAIR, INC.®

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:07:00 +0000

The wonderful people at DESPAIR, INC®. (fine makers of Demotivators®, DespairWear®, and the half-empty Pessimist's Mug®) have done it again with Valentine BitterSweets®. Because:

AT DESPAIR, INC.®, we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That's why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

The BitterSweets are available in three collections: "Dejected," "Dysfunctional," and "Dumped." Sayings include:

PEAKED AT 17 - TABLE FOR 1 - A FINE WHINE - MOMMY ISSUES - PURE NAUSEA - WE HAD PLANS - ANNULMENT - I BEEN CREEPIN - P.S. I LUV ME - DO MY DISHES - PAROLE IS UP! - AWFUL INLAWS - SUB PRIME - I WANT HALF - MUTUAL DISGUST - I GOT SOBER - HE FIT U FAT - DOG IS CUTER - TRADIN YOU IN - FORGET WE MET - SHE IS 22! - HE HAS A JOB

In related news, NECCO®, manufacturer of the "real" Sweethearts®, discarded its collection of phrases from the past 145 years and asked the American public to "tell us how they express their love." In an online poll, The People responded:

Maybe these new SweetHearts® are more depressing than the BitterSweets®?

Paula Wilder On Valentine's Day Gifts

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 07:53:00 +0000

"The best gift a person can give his Valentine comes from the heart ... a commitment to leave media ideology out of the relationship." -Paula Wilder

Freelance writer, speaker, tutor, entrepreneur, and single mom of four Paula Wilder writes that our real-life expectations of relationships are often unfair due to fairy tale portrayals of romance in film and television. In the following examples, Paula looks at three Hollywood myths and offers us new ways to transcend them for Valentine's Day. Truth is a great gift, and not only is it free, it's sets us free.

The Leave it to Beaver Complex

Even though this is the 21st century, some women still don’t get to leave it to Beaver, but to have to be Mrs. Cleaver, and do it all. Some do this while also trying to take care of children, pursue a career, and volunteer in the community, leaving them very little free time.

Marybeth Mattingly and Suzanne Bianchi researched the differences of how much free time men and women enjoy as partners. Overall, men were found to have more free time than women. In their article, “Gender Differences in the Quantity and Quality of Free Time: The U.S. Experience” published in the journal, Social Forces, (Vol.81, No. 3, March 2003) they reported that “Women may be disadvantaged in terms of their enjoyment of family life because they disproportionately shoulder the responsibility for providing the setting (meals, preparation, decoration, etc.) for family activities, including free-time activities.”

The gift: Shared responsibilities in all aspects of household chores, thus giving each other more free time.

The Jerry Maguire Complex

In the 1996 movie, Jerry Maguire, the titled protagonist says to his love, “You ... you complete me.” In Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage (Viking Adult, 2010), she delves into many aspects of marriage. One problem she found in her quest was that too many couples want to be completed by each other rather than finding completion in themselves.

She explains that people want one plus one to equal one, rather than the truth that one plus one most often equals two. She writes when a partner wants the other person to complete her, she puts too much pressure on the relationship, and the other partner.

The gift: Give the gift of a whole person rather than a person who is looking for someone else to make him or her whole.

The Love Story Complex

In Erich Segal’s Love Story, the line, “Love means never having to say you are sorry,” has been a crutch in relationships. The assumption that an apology is not necessary if a man or a woman loves someone is wrong, misleading, and will eventually damage the relationship.

Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz, authors of Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of a Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass, 2010) write that couples should always tell each other they are sorry. “There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. When you engage in behavior, actions, or words that are hurtful and damaging in your relationship with the one you love, you not only should you apologize, you must do so,” write the Schmitzs.

“In our humble opinion, no two people who profess to love each other can ever take the position that they don’t have to apologize to each other for saying and doing hurtful things. And, never take the position that ‘Oh, they know I love them. I don’t have to say I’m sorry.’ ”

The gift: Continued apologies throughout life for mistakes, mis-speaks, and wrongs.

Launching More I Love You's

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:44:00 +0000

We're on target to soft-launch

iloveyougraffiti.com

for Feb. 14.

I'm excited.

Not planning a media circus at all, like the 2006 art show craziness (though I'm grateful it got the "I love you" message out).

Just wishing that if it resonates with you, you'll share it with folks you love. Feels more real to me.

Thank you for being part of this.

I love you.

Sharon

Hello. I Love You.

sharon.harris@sympatico.ca (i love you) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:43:00 +0000

A new understanding of what "focus" means showed itself to me last night. It happens when I clear out all of the noise and completely commit to whatever it is I've chosen to do in the moment. Not looking away or thinking away for a second. I think it only happens when I'm doing something that completely resonates with me. When dissociative thoughts appeared, I let them go and re-focused. It was a lesson on how to be in the world -- complete with a clear voice guiding me.

I want to take this new awareness and do everything from this place, in every moment. Maybe that's what people mean when they say, "the eternal moment."