The Ferm

Top 15 Places to Get a Beer in Dallas, TX

2010-03-14T19:32:00.008-05:00

I'll be honest, when SirRon wrote his Top 15 Places to Get a Beer in Houston, TX contribution to The Ferm I was pretty jealous. I live in Dallas, TX and there just aren't that many places that I would say are a great place to grab a beer, compared to Houston and Austin. The pretentious stereotype of Dallas holds true in so many ways and cool places to hang out and grab a great beer are very limited. The adult beverage consumption market in Dallas is largely driven by the places to "see and be seen" and the Chris Chris $30,000 millionaire kind of attitude. And while the masses try to enjoy the finest things in life by drinking the nicest wines, the most delicious filet mignons and drive the exotic vehicles, beer to Chris Chris is just yellow fizzy water to abuse at frat parties.

This list was VERY difficult for me to produce because while I am recommending that these places are great to grab a beer, some of them get pretty douchey with the right crowd, and were docked appropriately. I will be using my own subjective rating system probably very similar to SirRon's "amalgamation of many atmosphere x-factors" system. Also, geographically I have limited my area to Dallas proper and Addison, because that's how I roll. So there may be some prejudice as to specific locations because I don’t like driving…….at all.

#15 Gordon Biersch
Address: 8060 Park Lane (Dallas) and 7401 Lone Star Drive, Suite B120 (Plano)
Neighborhood: New Park Lane Development and Shops at Legacy
How it made the list: I know, I know, it's a chain. Well guess what? Dallas has alot of chain places. My favorite thing about this place is nothing on the menu is bad, and the garlic french fries are a special treat. Oh yeah, don't forget the BBQ Chicken pizza, yum. GB's atmosphere is a little on the nicer side and not quite as casual as I like but as it turns out this can be a good thing. Asking Mrs. K-Dub if she would like to go to this brewpub for a somewhat nice dinner actually works. Oh yeah, they actually brew their own beer onsite as well, which is a plus for this beer enthusiast. The bar area is conducive to sports viewing due to an above average TV count. Also, the bar area can be converted to an inside/outside bar with large garage door windows that can be opened on nice days. The wait staff seems knowledgeable of the food and beer, but you can tell it's only because they have to learn it during training.

#14 Black Friar Pub
Address: 2621 McKinney Avenue
Neighborhood: Uptown
How it made the list: This Uptown pub is actually not too bad when you visit during non-partying hours, say for lunch on Sunday. The beer list is acceptable and the Stilton burger they have is oh so nice. The front porch they have is pretty cool and inviting, however it is not dog friendly due to some stupid health code. What a bunch of crap. The interior is dark and a little danky, just how I like my beer bars. It is quite refreshing though that Dallas has passed the non-smoking rule, otherwise this place would smell like Sex Panther (Watch Ron Burgundy). Be warned, parking sucks and you'll probably have to park far away or valet if they are busy, I hate the valet.

#13 Meridian Room
Address: 3611 Parry Avenue
Neighborhood: Fair Park
How it made the list: While Mrs. K-Dub and I were taking some of our engagement photos the photographer took us to this fine establishment for a break and brew. This little pub is across the street from historic Fair Park that include the Women's Museum and the Fair Park Music Hall, two really cool buildings. We had to sit outside since we had our dog Porter, but the waitress was super friendly and loved our little guy. While we didn't get to grab a bite, the beer menu was admirable and the people inside looked like they were having a great time. If this place wasn't so far away from where I live, I'd definitely hit this place up more often.

#12 Christies
Address: 2811 McKinney Avenue
Neighborhood: Uptown
How it made the list: This sports bar is a favorite hangout of my friends who live in the area and they frequent just about every weekend. The beer selection is fair and the food is quite tasty. Since my friends are frequent customers, they have made friends with the lovely lady Ryan, she's a bit of a smart ass which is the perfect compliment to many of my friends. It's also nice to know that tips aren't going to some ditsy little girl, Ryan has a son that she's trying to support. During game time though the place turns into a great atmosphere that's hard to beat. We watched the Superbowl there this year, it was alot of fun, get to Christie's and get yo chill on.

#11 Idle Rich Pub
Address: 2614 McKinney Avenue
Neighborhood: Uptown
How it made the list: How could an Irish pub not make the list? During non peak hours this great bar has a real laid back feel to it that is just hard to beat. During the evening hours however the douche-ery and snooty nose crowd can make their way in, beware. Idle’s excellent selection of beer and whiskey makes this a real fun place to be to watch soccer or just waste away the afternoon with good company. Again points were taken away due to the Uptown location, where you run the risk of extreme crappy parking situations and possible valet necessity during peak times.

#10 Elbow Room
Address: 3010 Gaston Avenue
Neighborhood: Deep Ellum
How it made the list: This place just feels right, I mean how could you not like a bar that has a topless depiction of the Mona Lisa and a website that states, “Serving Dallas since a long time ago”? Voted by the Dallas Observer as “The best place to put money in a jukebox,” this little gem in the Deep Ellum neighborhood is just far enough away from the really busy areas to be able to walk right in, after an ID check of course. The beer selection was enough to interest my palate and the food menu looks like something I need to get all up in.

#9 Vickery Park
Address: 2810 N. Henderson Avenue
Neighborhood: Knox/Henderson
How it made the list: First things first, it’s got a porch that is definitely where you want to be on a nice afternoon for drinks. Inside the environment is inviting and the people there are a lot of fun. The beer selection is way above par with enough selection to keep any beer enthusiast interested. Downsides include a pathetic parking situation and on the weekend it gets pretty crowded with more of the pretentious types.

#8 Old Monk
Address: 2847 North Henderson Avenue
Neighborhood: Knox/Henderson
How it made the list: Down and across the street from Vickery Park this other beer bar is good place for outside day drinking. Their quaint front porch and possible alternatives for liquid consumption keep me coming back in force when I’m in the area. Next time you’re there grab a couple of friends and get a cheese board or two (or your favorite bar food) and enjoy yourself. As with other places in this area, parking is atrocious so either get there early or stuff some cash in your pocket for a valet or lot somewhere.

#7 Milo Butterfingers (No Website, here's the Yelp Page)
Address: 5645 Yale Boulevard
Neighborhood: Upper Greenville
How it made the list: During your first visit you may say to yourself, “This place is a real dump,” and you’d be partially right. However, I like to call Milo’s…..experienced. Sure the building’s old, there’s no door on the pooper in the bathroom and part of the ceiling is falling down, that’s part of the charm and it’s totally awesome. Complete with a big screen, Big Buck Hunter (and other arcade games), plenty of dart boards and pool tables are what makes this place great. Probably because Milo’s reminds me of my favorite bar ever, Dudley’s Draw in College Station, TX circa 2000-2003. And for the Texas/Oklahoma fans out there, the regular display of various sports memorabilia is exchanged with school colors on the weekend of the game.

#6 Lakewood's First and 10
Address: 6465 East Mockingbird Lane
Neighborhood: Lakewood, duh
How it made the list: Hidden within a strip center in this sports bar is a great place for an adult beverage of your choice. Complete with two TV’s on both sides of the bar and I believe four more on the opposite wall of the establishment, First and 10 is here for your sports watching needs. The full bar provides enough variety to satisfy most everyone’s palate challenging needs and the food is impressive for “bar food,” which happens to be my second favorite food group following “liquid bread.” Being in Dallas it offers a smoke free environment which is a plus and they have a bar staple, Big Trophy Hunter, that’s right.

#5 The Londoner
Address: 14930 Midway Road
Neighborhood: Addison Location (There is also a Uptown Location)
How it made the list: Since we’ve got an Irish pub covered, how about an English Pub? The Londoner boasts an OK selection of draft and bottle brews as well as an impressive spread of Whiskeys and Scotches. The food is quite impressive, might I suggest the Tower of London Burger, seriously, get one. The New Delhi Sandwich is another tasty choice and of course, the Fish and Chips are sure to please. What’s even greater than the drinks and food is the atmosphere, you can watch a Football game (Like, European Football yo) with actual Football fans. Those guys get loud, because they’re proud. Be careful, at night the inside can get quite smoky.

#4 Angry Dog
Address: 2726 Commerce Street
Neighborhood: Deep Ellum
How it made the list: Their Food. Plain and simple they’ve got great food, it’s not great for you, but it’s delicious none the less. I suggest either one of their famous burgers or the hot dog if you crave food units. Besides the awesome rockin’ food their beer selection is always a hit. And with the 9 televisions it’s hard not to stop in for dinner, drinks and sports with a group of your friends. It’s a bit cumbersome to get down to the area with the highway and light rail construction in the area but if you have the patience Angry Dog comes most highly suggested.

#3 Gingerman
Address: 2718 Boll Street
Neighborhood: Uptown Location
How it made the list: I know, another chain, but G-man offers one the very best beer selections in town so of course I’m going to score it high. It also helps that their front, back and balcony porches are all super great to hang out in when the weather is acceptable. Another thing about this place that’s so awesome is that I bring my dog to the porch, and he loves hanging out there. At least that’s my assumption because his tail doesn’t stop wagging. It seems like this place always gets the latest releases of brews before anyone else does in town, so bravo to them indeed. At night and during happy hours G-man gets a little crowded and parking is ALWAYS a problem.

#2 The Amsterdam Bar
Address: 831 Exposition Avenue
Neighborhood: Fair Park
How it made the list: A good friend of mine named Raj introduced me to this place and it has always been someplace that I enjoy visiting. Amsterdam bar has an atmosphere that’s hard to beat, it’s not pretentious, it’s not trying to be something it’s not, it’s a just a great place to chill with friends and enjoy some tasty drinks. Their beer menu is always a big hit with me and I’m always jealous that some the beer they have I can’t seem to find at a store for my house. This place is just downright cool and that’s all I have to say about that.

#1 Flying Saucer
Address: 14999 Montfort Drive
Neighborhood: Addison
How it made the list: I’m part of the club and I have 199 different beers logged in their system, go ahead and look it up on the website, I’m up there, BOOYA! If I’m that committed to drink a lot of beer at one location how could I not put this as my number one spot for a beer? Flying Saucer is pretty dang cool, from the lacquered pennies on the tap wall to the brass bar top to the front atrium area to the Pub of Love in the back, this place just oozes beer awesomeness. The wait staff is always nice and there are plenty of tables of varying size for groups of folks. There’s enough TV’s to keep you up to date on the game and at times the large projection screen makes an appearance for a special sporting event.

While these didn't make my top 15 I too offer a list of Honorable Mentions:
The Dubliner - Cool Irish pub off of Lower Greenville.

Trinity Hall - Fun Irish pub at Mockingbird Station, great Whiskey tasting experience.

Cosmos - Fun "Retro" bar with old furniture and a great jukebox.

Billiard Bar - As the name implies, pool tables and fun in Lower Greenville.

Double Wide - This trailer themed bar boasts a wide array of canned beer and velvet posters. Comes complete with tornado.

Barley House - A fun place to hang and listen to live music such as Pepper Theft and Lizard Larceny.

Wizards - Richardson joint with lots of pool, shuffle board, darts and a great place to watch a game.

Addison Point - Stop by for the Reuban, this place reminds me of Cheers with more smoke.

Dr. Analytics, Web M.D. - Session #1

2010-03-14T00:12:00.021-06:00

I must confess that I have been leading a secret life for the last year and it is time to come clean. I have been obsessively studying your every move. I know what you search, what you read, and how long you spend doing it. I think I understand why Google calls it Analytics.

The line between obsessive-compulsive and genius is thin. But while this post won’t be in that team picture, I believe I have studied just enough to be helpful to the general Google public. Each day, several hundred million queries are made through Google. Approximately 0.000005% (plus or minus 0.000001%) of these Googlers find their way to our little space on the Interwebs (which is TheFerm.org, in case you are accidentally found yourself here while searching for information on Google Analytics).

Mmmmm... Analytics

For example, if you were to enter a phase containing “best”, “beer”, “Houston”, and “bars” in Google, you will most likely see a link to our Top 15 Places to Get a Beer in Houston, TX post. Unless you really are into West Alabama Ice House, you will most likely find the post informative, start following TheFerm on Twitter, sign up for our RSS feed, and/or comment about my glaring omission of Anvil Bar & Refuge from the list.

But what of the rest of the directionless Googlers? Knowing how our readers find us has a huge bearing on our ~~sales and marketing~~ inner blogger’s ego. Google Analytics provides us with a peek inside the minds of our readers by recording what keywords people use to find us. Analytics also records the average time on site and pages per visit, giving us a pretty good indicator of customer satisfaction (e.g. a visit less than 10 seconds means you are most likely not happy with the results of your Google search... or you are a killer speed-reader).

This post represents our dedication to customer satisfaction at The Ferm. The objective: To help those who came to the site looking for a particular piece of information and left without an answer. You may have shown up here by accident, but make yourself comfortable, perhaps sit on our couch, we are here to help.

We get A LOT of kolache traffic. I wouldn’t be surprised if we got more kolache traffic than any other drinking blog on the entire Internet. With this honor, comes a great responsibility to provide relevant content for the kolache craving masses. Here are a few searches, paired with (hopefully) a satisfactory response:

Are real kolaches made with potatoes?
No, a “kolache” is actually a pastry of Czech origins made with specific bread dough that has fruits and/or cheeses in the center. A klobasnek is the savory cousin to the kolache that is typically filled with meat, cheese, etc. I’m not kolache expert, though I am a kolache eating professional, at least I'm in the top 7 of professionals, even though the contest actually involved klobasneks, so maybe I’m a klobasnek expert, and I think a potato-filled “kolache” would most likely fit in the klobasnek category.

Does fruit kolaches have cream cheese in them
Yes they does, or they could, as long as there is also fruit in them, because otherwise they wouldn’t be fruit kolaches.

Kolache Factory dough recipe + video
I have to draw the line somewhere. You not only want the recipe but ALSO a video of how to make the dough!? Look Sheldon J. Plankton, I’ve been told to keep the recipe completely secret. However, I’d hate for you to leave unsatisfied, so direct your future questions toward Andrew Eller. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to sign away their secrets via Internet request.

Ugly Kolache
It’s hard to tell exactly what you wanted here, but it’s not very nice to call any kolache ugly. I have documented some kolaches “acting” ugly in the wild. Hopefully the photo to the right will help satisfy your fetish.

What kind of cheese goes in a kolache
I’m going to suggest cottage cheese or cream cheese.

I rapped about condensation once, but apparently my post wasn’t informative enough for these folks:

Fun condensation lesson
I think it is a fair assumption that this Googler was a grade school science teacher. Here is a suggestion. Just take my rap and make the following simple changes to make it more “classroom friendly”:

- Replace “the sports bar” to “the Barnes and Noble.”
- Replace the whole line “His beloved dirt burglars just got shocked by BYU” to the much more kid friendly “His friends are all at a table reading about the zoo.” Just a side note, you probably don’t want to use “dirt burglar” in your classroom, because not all your kids will be able to get in The University of Texas or Texas A&M, and then the University of Oklahoma is an acceptable alternative (plus, they can major in fried bologna). Also, if your kids look up "dirt burglar" in urbandictionary.com, they won't find the definition to be a funny name to call a "sooner," but something much more derogatory (seriously, what is wrong with people).
- The next line, “But they drown it out with another round of brews” no longer makes sense in a educational setting, so go with “All that learning makes them thirsty, time for more juice!”
- And since this edited version is set in a B&N and not a bar, “Rack 'em up, time to break, and grab a pool cue/ While they all start jamming to blink 182” won’t work. Instead go with “Spider monkeys and alpacas, lions and a moose/koalas, elephants, snakes and birds, haha mother goose.” Don’t forget to replace the remaining five “beer” and “brew” references to “juice.”

See... easy, and your kids will learn something too. Disguising a condensation lesson in a really white rap is like putting cheese on broccoli: they’ll enjoy eating their vegetables. Grades up, drugs down. If you swim after lunch, you are bound to drizzown. School is cool, yo.

Dude hold my beer graph
Only if I can post it, sir.

Heineken is too alcoholly
Heineken is 5% ABV. For comparison, Bud Light is 4.2% ABV. I find Heineken approachable for the average beer drinker, but if you are looking for something even more approachable-er, try Real Ale Brewing Company’s Fireman’s #4. It is 5.1% ABV, but it doesn't taste as "alcoholly," which is actually probably that intentional skunky flavor Heineken has and not alcohol you are tasting.

Hoffy burger song
The lyrics may not be online, but you can transcribe them from this YouTube video.

All the other burgers are made with mutilated monkey meat and little dirty birdie feet.

How much does a houston press reporter make
I wish I knew.

How to get hired by houston chronicle?
It’s not as hard as you think. Basically you have to know someone or have a family member that is an employee.

You can't just call shenanigans on innocent people, that's how wars are started
I totally agree, Officer Barbrady, no monkeyshines. Nothing to see here, move along.

Divine reserve 9 gross
Divine Reserve 9 is in fact, *not* gross. (This *fact* may be why this user couldn’t find much help through Google.) Brock, you have to believe me. I have never said that DR9 was gross. DR9 is intoxicatingly delicious… It's. Not. Gross. I cannot help this person.

Beer hold my pee
Seriously? Ummm... next!

Measurement pitcher of beer
Too small... I’m looking at you, Hooters. (no I’m not looking at your hooters, and they aren’t small, they are like – the right size or... whatever)

1560 beer
I tried! I agree, it was a great idea.

Last one.

Is pig cloning still going on
That is why we keep an Aggie on staff. From what I understand, the answer is yes. However, it turns out if you put the girl and the boy ones in the same room, they make new pigs much more reliably though.

Thank you for stopping by Googlers… until next time!

The Session #37 Round-up - The Display Shelf: When to Drink the Good Stuff

2010-03-10T16:33:00.005-06:00

Greetings fellow beer bloggers -- It was a pleasure hosting this month’s installment of The Session. By “pleasure” I mean it is rather stressful volunteering for something that is the brainchild of two great beer writers on the month of The Session’s third anniversary. This month marks the thirty-seventh iteration of the gathering of bloggers over a single topic. The Ferm’s chosen topic du mois (I don’t know French, but I do know online translators) was “The Display Shelf: When to Drink the Good Stuff.”

First of all, we would like to thank all of you for participating in our little “question with no answer” (as one of you pointed out). While it may have been to some extent pointless or completely philosophical, it was certainly not rhetorical. I have often kicked myself (figuratively speaking, of course) for letting a drinking occasion pass without opening a particular bottle. The point of the topic was to reflect on your collection or even to encourage you to open something up and share the experience with us.

I enjoyed reading your tales of bottles saved, bottles drank, or bottles sadly passed over. Some of you made me particularly jealous of your cellared collection. Hopefully through this event, we have become friends... and you’ll have me over if I’m find my way to your town... and you’ll open up something good for me. On twitter, people call their friends tweeps. I’m surprised, since blogging has been around much longer, that there is not a complimentary term for a consortium of blogging buddies. Below is a round-up the contributions from The Ferm’s new found bleeps.

Mario double fisted during this session with a post on his blog Brewed for Thought and one on the Santa Rosa Craft Beer Examiner. In the former he uses the analogy of a baseball card collection and how we take pride in showing off our cellared beer. I want to thank him particularly for the mental picture of eating a signed Nolan Ryan baseball card. His solution to drinking his cellared collection is to separate them into four categories. Make sure to check out his description of “Tuesday beers,” a designation I use myself for both beers and wines. In his Examiner post, Mario discusses aging barley wines and describes his experience drinking a 2008 Lagunitas Gnarly Wine.

Our "brilliant topic" (his words, not mine) inspired The Beer Nut to open his treasured bottle of Fraoch 20th Anniversary Ale. For his post he “decided this [Session was] the perfect opportunity to throw hoarding to the wind and just drink the fecker.” You can read his intoxicating description in his post, "Geddit down yeh!” In the post, The Beer Nut also had a brilliant idea of his own by proposing the blogosphere designate “one day a year as Stash day: an occasion which acts as its own excuse to pour something special from your collection and tell everyone about it.”

Peter from BetterBeerBlog describes a moment of display shelf envy in his offering. Showing off your collection is no doubt an underlying motive for us excessive hoarders. Despite being a self described “babe in the craft beer world” with only three years of experience, he boasts of his collection spanning an overfilled converted chest freezer, a kegerator, a dedicated shelf in his primary refrigerator, and several boxes stashed in his office, closet, and garage. He may need my twelve step program... or me to come over and help. For you old school Jim Henson fans, Peter also had a Dark Crystal reference in his post... nice! (just thought that was worth mentioning)

The brothers of the blog Lug Wrench Brewing Company point out excessive cellarers may be more afraid to lose their prize then to actually enjoy it. Their advice: “Celebrate the event, not the bottle.” The brothers Wallace make a terrific analogy to Paul Giamatti’s character in the movie Sideways. A bottle of 1961 Chateau Cheval Blanc valued over a grand played a significant part in the movie and Paul’s character eventually opened it in the end. But since there is a significant difference between Hollywood and real life, I’d like to someone open up his most cherished bottle, pour it in a disposable cup, and drink it over some Taco Bell. Just saying.

Ray of The Barley Blog is using this month’s topic as motivation to reorganize his cellared beers for easier management. If anyone has suggestions, head over to his Session #37 blog post and leave a comment. My advice is to isolate your very best bottles, 1.) so that they are separate from the ones you may drink on an average occasion and 2.) so you know exactly where to grab one from when the right occasion to share a great beer comes around.

Nemisis from BeerTaster.ca suggests a very important reason to make sure you are stashing some beer away. After an accident that left him laid up for nearly six weeks, he slowly started drinking his stash. “My advice is to always keep your stash somewhere you can get to in an emergency. Think I might move mine to under my bed or my favourite chair or someplace like that.” Amusing perspective.

Fabulous seems to have keen awareness of his ego, and he acknowledges the “epic battle” in his post on Make Mine Potato. His post gives us a mouth watering look at some of the beers he has opened and photographed for blogging purposes. All I can say is that Fabulous has been drinking well.

Reasons for storing beers to drink at a later date may be similar among our group, but Steve points out that many of the beers we save do not age well in his post on All Good Beer. He admits to setting a goal to start “savouring instead of saving,” but given that he has over 300 bottles (not counting homebrews or bottles purchased for immediate consumption), he admits that some goals are easier said than done. My only suggestion is that you *do* pop open that rare bottle while watching Big Bang Theory and discuss with your dog how the characteristics of a beer have changed and mellowed over time... then blog about it! :)

Anda writes that every day as a day worthy of enjoying the your best beers. Of course, I noticed Anda is a lawyer, and if there is one thing I know about lawyers, it is that they are never lacking in opportunities for drinking occasions. The Ferm’s own Mr. Smokeypants is Exhibit A in this case. In her Legal Libations post, Anda exclaims “right now” is the best time to open the good stuff. “I never regret it.” Cheers to that!

Apparently this month's Session topic awoke the inner blogger in Dan from Beerovision. He openly admits that he has a bad case of "New Dad Syndrome." I feel you partner. My little ones have unapologetically “interrupted” me about 87 times during this post (and counting). However, Dan shows he’s well on the way to being a great dad by advocating sharing as the best way to drink your best bottles. “22oz of a great beer consumed by yourself is not the same as 5oz shared among four friends.” This is very similar to my theory that 22 diapers changed by yourself is not the same as 11 shared between parents.

Derrick doesn’t have much of a cellar collection, but his Bay Area Beer Runner blog post describes an occasion where he broke out a bottle of Malheur Dark Brut, a beer brewed using the methode de champenoise, when friends were over for dinner. My cousin and resident The Ferm blogger K-Dub homebrewed a champagne beer a few years back using the techniques described by the Maltose Falcons homebrew club. The beer was served at K-Dub’s wedding in lieu of the crappy champagne usually poured at weddings. Based on Derrick’s announcement on his blog in his Session post, maybe he’ll find this link useful: http://www.maltosefalcons.com/tech/methode-champenoise-beer. Congrats!

Al of Hop Talk is another craft beer enthusiast that doesn't dabble much in cellaring. In his somewhat self-therapeutic post he reminds himself to be organized (but not to the point of "those annoying oenophiliacs") and to get together with friends more often. I also couldn’t help but notice that my blogging handle got "quotes" treatment. SirRon is in fact my name, as long as anagrammatic pseudonyms still count as your name. But enough about me :) , make sure to check out Al's Beer-a-Day project in from 2009.

While some on us focused on tasting sessions passed or past, Sean has well laid plans of his tasting future. He is a West Coaster and is proposing an Anchor Steam Our Special Ale vertical as well as a session planned for a selection of IPAs. Head over to Beer Search Party to apply for his crew of tasters. If you are looking for drinking inspiration, check out the right column of his page where you can see what is in his fridge, big brother style.

Since I’m posting this round-up in stages, I’d like to slip in a reason to drink some good stuff. Yesterday I found out someone stole my debit card number, passed it to someone in Kentucky, who took it to Walmart and bought enough gift cards to clean out my bank account (Nice one Walmart. No ID? No Card? Nooooooooo problem!). Frustrated and depressed, I worked late enough last night to where I was the last one in the parking lot at the office. I got to the car to find I had what looked like a mini railroad spike in my tire. Do to some ridiculous wind and some user error I dropped the car off the jack before finally getting the spare on. When I made it to my parent’s house, who had graciously picked up and taken care of my kids that night, my mom had dinner ready and my dad had some great wines open. If it weren’t for moments like this, life would be unbearably boring... or something like that. Needless to say, last night was a good day to bring out something good from the fridge.

You would think that someone with a website named “A Beer in Hand is Worth Two in the Fridge” would not have problems pulling out his best beers for consumption... and you would be correct in that assumption. Jay writes: “Saving beer... is not something that I am able to do easily.” He goes on to describe some occasions where he has or plans to open up special beers. He and his brother opened a bottle of 2005 Sam Adams Utopias when to celebrate the birth of his brother’s first child. He also plans on opening a Westvleteren 12 on his wedding day. Jay’s sees the beers as timeless reminders of the specific events in which they were opened.

Jim’s philosophy for cellaring and simple and straightforward: “I think that there is a reason that you age quality beer in a cool dark place. It's the out of sight, out of mind principal. The temptation is not so strong.” In his post on Two Parts Rye, he advocates sharing with friends, as long as they aren’t Milwaukee’s Best drinkers (D- on BeerAdvocate.com, in case you were wondering). “You don’t feed your dog filet mignon.”

Gail from Beers by BART, which for those who may be interested is a San Francisco area beer travel logistics site, used her The Session #37 post as an excuse to open a 2007 Dogfish Head Raison D’Extra... for no good reason but to break free and celebrate everyday life. Note that she and her blogging partner passed up her sour beers (“too special... sheesh”) or any high gravity beers (“gotta work tomorrow”), but what follows is an intoxicating dialogue of two people sharing an 11oz bottle of the 18% ABV Belgian dark ale.

Josh decides to take us on a tour of his stash in his Session #37 post on his blog Hump’s. His tour, complete with pictures, is a fun read that includes location, temperatures, and types (including his homebrews). Josh admits to being “an acquisitive sort,” which results in “the display shelf [getting] more and more trophies.” But that is what friends are for...

Brian of Red, White, and Brew takes issue with my (and I suppose others’) terminology. “I'm still not entirely comfortable with how the beer community has joined winos in turning cellar into a verb.” He prefers to kick it old school and use the word “lager,” which in German doesn’t imply bottom-fermentation but cold storage. As for his lagering problem, he suggests it proves he doesn’t “have a drinking problem (just a collecting problem).” Brian boasts of ~300 bottles in his collection, which he refers to as Beeradise or the Malt Vault. Whatever you call it Brian, your pictures made me thirsty.

Yours for Good Fermentables hosted last month’s Session #36 about cask conditioned ale. Real ales are best fresh, so Tom found it an amusing coincidence that this month’s topic was beers stored to be drank later (something Alanis Morissette may find “ironic”). Although he describes his collection as “minuscule... by some standards,” Tom briefly discusses his memories drinking a 1999 Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Barleywine and a 1991 Eldridge Pope Thomas Hardy Ale in his Session #37 post. I’m impressed at the patience it must have required to keep those beers that long.

Michael got his proverbial feet wet with The Session during this month’s topic. On his blog, A Perfect Pint, he claims he never has a problem identifying the “beers you don’t drink” and saving them for the proper occasion. Michael’s notes his problem is his “sizable collection of beers in [his] cellar that [he] never really meant to save,” like his 2007 Left Hand Goosinator Smoked Doppelbock “with the quarter inch of sediment on the bottom.” He admits beer buying moratoriums don’t help, so like me, he imports more than he exports. Just remember, as Michael points out, “a beer not consumed is a beer wasted.”

One way Alan keeps his stash in check is by “preemptively … living in Canada where no one really can get the good beer into the stash either by sales or samples.” In his post on A Good Beer Blog, Alan presumably takes us in the cellar to drink a few bottles from his stash. For the post, he shares his thoughts on a 2006 Hair of the Dog Brewing Company Doggie Claws and a five year old George Gale & Company Conquest Ale. Even though his stash has grown from 40 to 200 bottles over the past half decade, Alan has a good attitude about opening some of his good stuff up and sharing it (even if it is just a virtual sharing).

If you have suffered through twenty-something of my recaps and are still with me, you are in for a treat. Jon from The Brew Site has the answer to when to the question of when to drink the good stuff. You’ll find the answer two-thirds of the way through his post, but I’m going to spoil it for you here: “It’s entirely up to you. What? Too anticlimactic?” Nah, because you opened a bottle of 2007 Deschutes Brewery The Abyss to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of The Session (the first topic was Stouts) and this month’s topic of opening up something good. Apparently “now” was a good time to drink the good stuff (although more power to you, because “while writing” isn’t one of my preferred times to enjoy something good... or it just means that you may not enjoy the resulting post).

Daniel took our topic to heart. He opened a would-be cellared beer that he purchased earlier in the day...... for no special reason at all. His description of the occasion: “It's far from a perfect drinking environment; my girlfriend is watching a DVR-ed episode of The Mentalist on the TV while I listen to music on headphones. I've just had dinner, which could impact my palate, although I had some water to clean the tongue, and I'm basically just sitting in the corner of my basement by myself. But my guess is that opening a great bottle will be worth it, even if this is likely my only chance to try the beer.” I’m impressed. What follows are his tasting notes on a 2009 Founders Nemesis. Check it out on his blog, Endosymbiosis. “A day you open something great is a special occasion in itself.”

The aforementioned The Ferm blogger K-Dub is a guy that has as many refrigerators dedicated to deer meat as he does craft beers, but that isn’t to say he doesn’t have a great selection of craft beers (some of which go great with venison cheese salami). K-Dub didn’t post on this month’s topic, but he did leave a comment. “This is something that I've been struggling with myself. I have three refrigerators FULL of brews that I've been saving. Vertical years of Dogfish 120, Real Ale Sisyphus, North Coast Old Ale, Sierra Nevada Bigfoot, homebrews and even some Belgian ales that I've collected since 2004. I should take the stance that every day is a celebration and start to breakdown my ridiculous collection of awesome rockin' brewskis.” Rock on cuz!

The founder of this little monthly blogging forum, esteemed beer author Stan Hieronymus at Appellation Beer, files a Session #37 post that discusses his February memories of Deschutes Jubel 2010, Stone Old Guardian Barley Wine, Lost Abbey Angel’s Share Grand Cru, and Firestone Walker Anniversary, proving his a pretty good friend to have. Still, Stan confesses to be a "serial cellarer." In the end, he suggests "sharing beer with friend should be occasion enough" to drink the beers in his collection.

Last but certainly not least, the co-moderator and the blog that hosts the links to all Session topics past and future, Jay Brooks at Brookston Beer Bulletin discusses his philosophy of storing beers. He employs a “network of four refrigerators,” one of which is used for everyday beers (“ones my wife is allowed to drink”). For the rest of the stash, Jay mentions he has flirted with the idea of an intimate tasting club, but that he’s never got it going. To end his post, Jay tells a great story of two bottles he was given by a distributor from Whitbread Brewery. I don’t want to spoil the story, but the beers were allegedly part of a batch made with 50+ year old yeast harvested from bottles recovered from a WWII shipwreck. I have no suggestion as to when the right time to open those bottles.

And that's a wrap! Just one last comment... I'm surprised at how many of you moderate the comments on your blog. That may suppress conversation about beer or the topic you are presenting, but to each his own I suppose.

Sincerely speaking, it has been a pleasure to host The Session this month. For everyone here at The Ferm, we would like to thank your contributions. Cheers!

From here we pass the torch to Sean Inman at Beer Search Party. The topic is “Cult Beers,” which I assume won’t be about Kool-Aid or beers brewed by monks.

Image via NYT article "Beer Lovers Make Room for Brews Worth a Wait"
Photo by Jamie Schwaberow

The Session #37 - The Display Shelf: When to Drink the Good Stuff

2010-03-05T21:37:00.013-06:00

As some of you are aware, I have been a bit under the weather. The multitudes of infectious agents that have invaded my body have kept me from being able to enjoy my most treasured bottles of beer and to share those experiences with my terrific readers.

OK OK, I’m sorry. I… uh, kind of only had a cold. I feel horrible for blaming the germs. To be honest, I just never know when the best time is to break out all the bottles that I have earmarked for storage. *sigh* *deep breath*

I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am attractive person. I am fun to be with. I'm going to do a terrific blog post today! And I'm gonna help people! Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!

Welcome readers old and new. I have been watching you recently. Not like “stalker” watching, but observing. I use Google Analytics. I see the way you enter. I sometimes wonder how you can read a whole blog post in less than thirty seconds, but that is O-K. Maybe you all just read faster than me.

Today I want to talk to a subsection of my fellow beer connoisseurs. Not so much those of you that enjoy a fine malted beverage every now and again. Not so much those of you that actively seek craft beers previously untried. I am speaking to those of you, just like me, who have more than one refrigerator dedicated to beverages.

You are not alone, but is time to break free. We have a common problem, and today we will work through this hoarding malady together. Friends, quite simply we import more than we export. When on a vacation, visiting a brewery, or lining up outside of a store pending the release of some exclusive beer, we take home these treasured bottles with the best of intentions.
“On such-and-such occasion when so-and-so is over, I am totally opening this bottle. We will be talking about that day for years!”Or
“When I have the perfect food to pair with this bottle, I will open it and we’ll do a tasting session.”Or
“I am going to open that bottle of such-and-such this weekend when I have time to take notes for my new blog post”But as you sit there contemplating the feasibility of adding a third beer refrigerator somewhere in your house, realize you are pulling the wool over your own eyes!

Stop and repeat after me: Trace it, face it, and erase it!

Our problem is potiomania*: the collecting or hoarding of drinks. To triumph over our dysfunction, we must break our behavior down in steps and conquer the problem. The only amount of steps I have ever found useful are twelve. Friends, follow these steps together with me and we shall prosper!

* I Googled potiomania and it looks like I made up that word… it’s mine now!

Step 1: Admit that you are powerless over your cellaring habit and that your beer storage has become unmanageable.

It is perfectly understandable to have a refrigerator dedicated to beverages. To be honest, you are probably only “at risk” for a cellaring addiction if you have two refrigerators. However, if you find yourself living around your collections or apologizing to friends and family about why there is no longer a bed in the guest bedroom, it probably time to admit that you are trying to solve problems with solutions that are not working. That frightened feeling you just got inside when I suggested you may be a potiomaniac means you are ready for Step 1. This step is just a change in attitude, but this very self acknowledgment will lead you to Step 2.

Step 2: Believe that a power greater than your refrigerators can restore you to sanity.

Friends, I know what you are thinking: “The answer is just more refrigerators” -- “this post is too verbose, I mean seriously are there really 10 more steps?” -- “how did they let you host this session?” I understand your frustration. It happens to a lot of Step 2’ers.

More storage is the safe solution, but the purpose of this step is for you to seek new solutions. The power is not in the storage. The power is in the bottles. Open a special bottle and take another step with me.

Step 3: Make a decision to turn your will and your cellared collection over to the care of your five senses.

The more bottles you store, the less it feels wrong to buy and store more. But when the beer is inside the bottle, you cannot admire its color, hear the bubbles as the scurry to surface, sniff the enchanting aroma, enjoy the sensation of the beer in your mouth as the carbonation makes it jump on your tongue, or taste the brewer’s arrangement of malty base and hoppy balance (or imbalance).

Taste is the definitely the front-runner in Step 3 of the program, because it is the most intimate of all your senses. Feeling the beer dance in your mouth is great and all, but the beer must become part of you for it to be tasted. Taste is what stimulates your appetite and cravings, thus they are essential to your passion for beer AND your health!

As an added bonus, drinking your beer will enable you to let go of your domestic or work related problems. That neighbor who came into your back yard uninvited because she thought your faucet was leaking? Who cares! As you finish entertaining your senses, you will probably feel more satisfied with your life and will be much more likely to commit to other changes that people ask of you. Little by little, you will become more proud of the person you are and where you are in your life.

**Please note: Staying too long in Step 3 will end up having a negative effect on your life, similar to (but not exactly like) what happened to Smeagol in Lord of the Rings.

Step 4: Take an honest look at the effects of your cellaring habits on others and on yourself.

Against my counsel, if you have spent too much time in Step 3, or if you are bitter about moving to Step 4, now is not the time to jump back on the wagon and get defensive of your lifestyle. Take a leap of faith… plus, there are still eight more steps.

This step asks you to consider what you are doing to your friends by excessively cellaring beers. Drinking should be a social activity for you; otherwise you are in the wrong twelve step class. We beer enthusiasts are passionate about beer, and by sharing you will have the opportunity to introduce your friends or family to unique new beer styles and flavors. Converting them into beer enthusiasts will also open up opportunities for your friends to share their rare beer collection with you. The whole process is as feel good as the movie Pay It Forward, but only if that movie had been titled Pay It Back. I think you know what I'm getting at here.

Step 5: Admit to yourself (and the Internet if you have a blog) the exact nature of your wrongs.

You made an important step when you admitted that you have a problem, but now it is also time for the big R: “Responsibility.” If you are like me, you find it difficult to admit your problems. I suggest going to your beer fridge and opening up something really good. If doing this is still hard for you, have a friend or significant other go grab “whatever they want.” No more excuses! Just do it.

In Step 3, you introduced your senses to a beer that you have been keeping. In Step 5, you are once again unleashing the power inside the bottle. As it becomes one with you again, focus on ways to get everything you always wanted in life. It is time for a better you. Make sure to jot these things down, because you may not remember them after this session.

Blog, tweet, and/or update your Facebook status to publicize the new you. The nice thing about the Internet age is you can do everything in life with minimal face-to-face human interaction. Acknowledging your problems this way is not cheating however, because you drank something from your cellar as part of this step. Well done!

Step 6: Be ready to have the blog commenters point out all your defects, including ones you are pretty sure that you do not have.

In life, people complain more than they compliment. On the Internet, things aren’t that different. Once you’ve laid your road to a better you out there for people to see in Step 5, don’t let your natural knee-jerk reaction to a hateful comment be to scrap this program that you have only half finished (or half started, if you are the pessimistic type).

Most importantly, don’t let haters be your excuse for spiraling back into your potiomania. The importance of Step 6 is for you to realize you don’t need to be ashamed or defensive of your beer cellaring habits. The comments you receive, even the clever ones that appear to be innocuous, will make you realize how important your problem is and why it is so important to break free. You need pitch black to understand the light, you need chocolate to understand vanilla, and you need Three Floyds Oak Aged Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout to understand Russian River Pliny the Elder. Just saying.

Step 7: Humbly ask St. Augustine of Hippo, patron saint of brewers, to lower your inhibitions.

Despite your best intentions, you may still be finding it difficult to open up your good stuff. The motivation to cellar is conflicting. On the one hand you are collecting great beers to drink. On the other, you are never actually drinking that beer. Sheer will may not help, and the devices you used in previous steps (e.g. let the wife pick whatever she wants) have not yet produced permanent change.

St. Augustine once dealt with an addiction of his own. His particular vice was that of “loose living,” but he turned it around and became a Saint y'all! The changes he made to his lifestyle and a quick little post-mortem miracle earned him the “patron saint of brewers” title.

The Beer Gods help those who help themselves. Open something up to honor St. Augustine of Hippo.

Step 8: Make a list of all the beers you are saving and record the day they were cellared.

It is time to shift focus slightly. The less you know about the contents of your cellar, the easier it is for you to hide behind ignorance when it comes to drinking some of your best bottles. This step will help you begin the road to breaking free.

Start with an inventory list. Make sure to estimate a maturity date as well as comment on your expectations for the beer once it hits maturity.

Seeing a list of your beer treasures will help remind you of why you tucked the beer away in the first place.

Step 9: Make specific estimates of when your cellared beer is to be consumed (carefully noting which beers would offend friends if you drank the beer without them).

The difference between Step 8 and Step 9 is the latter specifies when you will actually drink the beer. The drinking experience is best done socially, but you must be careful not to offend your drinking buddies by not sharing your cellared beer with them. Work hard to limit the amount of beers that have several stipulations before they can be opened. These stipulations are the root of the habit you are working to break. However, as you share more and more of your best bottles, you will in fact feel closer to your cellared collection and be well on your way to conversion.

Step 10: Continue to update your inventory of cellared beer and when the refrigerators become over filled again, promptly admit it and open up a good bottle (or two).

The key to thriving as a recovering potiomaniac is staying conscious of your cellaring. Step 10 is not about preventing you from your mistakes, but about noticing when you go off course and getting you back on the right track. If you find yourself teetering on the edge of needing three beer fridges again, go back and read Steps 1-9. Nothing in life comes easy… except failure. And let’s be honest about the definition of failure here. When you are at your absolute worst and have hit rock bottom, you just have a whole lot of great beer.

Step 11: Stay in tune with the teachings of Saint Arnold of Metz, having them lead you to what you really want.

Saint Arnold of Metz, concerned about the dangers of drinking impure water, preached "don't drink the water, drink beer.” According to legend, Saint Arnold blessed a brew kettle by dipping in his crucifix and ended a plague by encouraging people to drink from that kettle. (Miracle: check.)

Step 11 is asking you to disregard logic and do what feels right. Beer is made from the fermentation of grains, hops, and a lot of water. It’s like eating bread and vegetables while washing them down with a big glass of water. Don’t question this. Just drink up. (Beer: It’s what’s for dinner.)

Saint Arnold of Metz was reported to have said: “From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world.”

Amen.

Step 12: After getting your cellaring habits under control, you will try to carry this message to other beer cellaring addicts, and to practice these principles in all your personal and online affairs.

It is time to help others break free of potiomania. You are not powerless anymore.

The purpose of the twelve steps is a motivate you to stay on course. Remember that if you stop drinking your stash, you will begin to feel powerless again. You need not keep a fixed amount of beers in your cellar, just remember the power is in the bottles.

Hopefully this post has helped you acquire better cellaring habits. It is important to stay altruistic, not only with your best beers but with your advice to others that have fallen victim to potiomania.

Friends, you know what? I think this may be the BEST blog post I've ever done! And you know what else? I deserve it! I’m going to go pull something good out of the beer fridge. Cheers!

Information on "The Session" from Brookston Beer Bulletin: The Session, a.k.a. Beer Blogging Friday, is an opportunity once a month for beer bloggers from around the world to get together and write from their own unique perspective on a single topic. Each month, a different beer blogger hosts the Session, chooses a topic and creates a round-up listing all of the participants, along with a short pithy critique of each entry.

The List: New York City (Part 1)

2010-02-10T16:27:00.047-06:00

Before kids, my wife and I traveled a few times a year on cultural/foodie/beer-cations. After our first few trips, we became obsessed with creating the perfect itinerary which maximized our time. This quest for perfection often had us repeating destinations (often portions of longer road trips) in order to relive the best moments of previous vacations.

New York is one of our favorite destinations, and not just because it is one of the greatest cities on Earth. Our familiarity stemmed from two separate season long work assignments I had on Long Island. Through this time and from our semi-frequent visits, we compiled a list of favorite things to do on a weekend trip to New York City.

I'm going to lay these out here as recommendations despite the expected disapproval from cranky locals and the dreaded blog commenter "Anonymous." But first, I offer a preface with some qualifiers and explanations...

This article contains our "worth it to go to" places when you only have a few days in the city... I'm leaving off many things that we've done at one time or maybe wanted to do at some point. This is a list based on places that made our personal "must visit to when in NYC" list. For example, I've been up in the Empire State Building, but while some tourists may want to go and say they did it, I would never go back (or recommend it to others who haven't seen it, but I digress).

And for the food... There is a lot of great food to be found in the city. My issue with NYC restaurants (and those in the Northeast in general) is that prices are sometimes way out of whack with respect to quality. I enjoy well presented food, but a lot of time it seems like style is overvalued while substance suffers tremendously (my eating experiences in California are similar). My wife and I have struck out at a lot of eating establishments in the city. You will see from the list that I eventually targeted a lot of "common" foods while crafting my "best of" list, since again there are too many places with overpriced stylish foods (this even includes delis and diner-like places... how do these places survive in Manhattan?). Furthermore, I'm not as impressed when a nice restaurant prepares expensive items and sells it to me for $40+ a plate as I am when someone cuts a potato, puts it in hot oil, and somehow serves it like no other place around. Above all, the "experience" often is the determining factor in overall rating of a particular destination.

If you happen to disagree with me, I'll be happy to debate with you over a pint or I'll just drink and few and type you a response in the comment section.

NOTE: "*" indicates places that I would not miss, even if I only had 2 days in the city.

Recommended Best "Experiences":

Best Hot Dog Experience: Gray's Papaya* When I first heard these hot dogs described as "crispy yet juicy" I laughed at the preposterousness of such a statement. This phrase is now in my vernacular, especially whenever I need to describe something that has the texture of a Gray's Papaya hot dog. Don't mess around here folks... get the Recession Special (2 dogs and a drink for $4.45), prepare your dogs all the way - sauerkraut and that onion sauce stuff), and get the papaya juice. Failure to do so is like getting one chance to go to Pascal's Manale and getting Fried Shrimp instead of the BBQ Shrimp (if you are unfamiliar with the analogy: 1. Trust me here, and 2. Get to New Orleans and enjoy the city for something other than Mardi Gras).

Recommended Gray's Papaya Experience: (assumes you are starting in Midtown) Start this path in the late morning. I like to grab a dog around 10 AM-ish and call it breakfast. Take the 1, 2, or 3 to 72nd and you'll see Gray's when you come up to ground level. Order the recession special, squirt a line of that NYC mustard (it is hard to find that stuff in the southwest), eat the dogs standing up (take a moment to sense the crispy *and* juiciness of the dogs), then take off east down 72nd while sipping your papaya juice. When you get to Central Park*, you'll get to see where John Lennon was shot. Say something like "what is wrong with people?", "that really sucks!", or start pondering what you think things would be like if he was alive. Shortly after entering the park and still while you have the Beatles on your mind, you should be able to find Strawberry Fields. From here, try to go mostly straight across to the east and a little north. I always try to just follow the paths and enjoy the Park. If you veer off a bit, correct yourself after you exit the park and get somewhere between 79th and 85th. You'll now be in the shadows of The Met*. Don't try to see the whole thing. The museum is much too big and you'll get bored after a while. Leaving The Met ends my Recommended Gray's Papaya Experience.

Best Pizza: Grimaldi's Pizzaria*
Long before Grimaldi's began franchising itself in your favorite suburbs, I fell in love with this pizzeria located in the shadow of the Brooklyn Bridge. Legend (and their website) has it that Patsy Grimaldi learned the art of pizza making from his uncle, which is fortunate because someone named Patsy may have been less successful in football or construction. Patsy's uncle is none other than the man credited with opening the first pizzeria in America, circa 1905. Aside from great ingredients and notable craft, the real secret is in the charred, smoky flavor you get from the coal fired ovens.

This pizza may not be your favorite, but it is probably because you have bad taste in pizza. Alright, I admit, there is plenty to argue about when it comes to what type of pizza is the best... or who makes the best pie... or even just the best pie in New York. In my opinion though, this place is a must stop. I once missed a flight just to get one of these before going home.
Recommended Eating Under and then Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge Experience: Grimaldi's is located right under the Brooklyn Bridge... on the Brooklyn side. I don't know why, but it doesn't open until 11:30 AM. Usually a line forms on the outside before they open, so plan on arriving a little early. The Grimaldi's Brooklyn location kind of has that "we're connected" type of feeling, with the pictures on the wall to confirm and the potential tax avoiding cash only policy. When you make it in, the host will stuff you somewhere that you assumed there was no possible way of fitting, but the pizza is the payoff here anyway. Now, I'll excuse you if you order your pizza with your preferred topping(s) or decide to go with Grimaldi's excellent white pizza, but I need to pass on my strong recommendation for the sausage, roasted red peppers, and extra sauce. At some point during your lunch, visit the bathrooms*(yes, the bathrooms are *-worthy). The bathrooms of this small eatery are nothing special, but the best part about them is that they are one-holers. Stay with me here. Having to wait in line will give you a chance to get close up to see how a real New York pizza pie is made.After you finish up (with the pizza), head out to the Brooklyn Bridge*. You will have to backtrack a little to get up there. The walk is nice and semi-appropriate after that extra slice or so you crammed down because you didn't want to insult the spirit of Patsy by leaving any at the table. Once across the bridge, I suggest taking the time to swing through SOHO, then make your way to the NYU area, and end up at the landmark Washington Square Park in Greenwich Village. If you end up hanging around the area for a while and are feeling snack-y, Pommes Frites is a place you won't find anywhere else. They have the best Belgian fries anywhere and so many dipping sauces that you'll feel you did as a kid when you realized Baskin Robbins would give you as many tiny spoon samples as you wanted, just a mayonnaise version of that experience. Trust me with this suggestion, no matter how tempting those "other" Belgian fry places are around town, try to save yourself for Pommes Frites. The only downside is its location is not in the path of any other real landmarks in the city, so you'll have to veer off a few blocks from the NYU area to get to this gem.

Other Bests:

Best TV Celebrity Chef Restaurant: Esca * (Mario Batali)
One word here: Crudo. For those that have not partaken of this Italian sashimi-like dish, listen up. Crudo is raw fish with oil, sea salt, acidic juices... and at Esca, it's exceptional. In case you are wondering what else to order, I would strongly recommend flipping your menu to the back and ordering the tasting menu paired with Italian wines... and add the extra crudo trays. The menu won't set you back nearly the amount that it sets you forward in memories. If you choose to not heed my strong recommendation, you must at least get the crudo. Not doing this is an act worthy of being put on my "dead to me" list.

I guess I should admit, my lack of an unlimited budget has not afforded me the capacity to name "The Best TV Celebrity Chef Restaurant" in NYC, but I would argue that this place has everything that you would want if you were seeking a celebrity chef owned restaurant. The service is also really good, which is definitely not a given in NYC. It is accessible, meaning the average person can get a table. It is upscale, meaning they will comp you a drink if you have a reservation and your table is not ready. One suggestion: If you find yourself at a bar before dinner, then you order a martini while waiting for your table at Esca, then you proceed to get the tasting menu paired with the wines, just accept the fact you may leave the restaurant acting a fool and potentially scare people coming out of their Broadway shows. Just saying.

Best Burger Joint: Island Burger
(Yes, I have now named the best hot dog, pizza, and burger joints in the biggest city in the United States.) Location and overall experience certainly factor in to the equation, but I can confidently say Island Burger is on my list of all time favorite burger joints. Here is the scoop: Several different types of meats, a half dozen types of bread, and half dozen types of cheese, and some sauce choices… all cooked great! The shakes are awesome, but there are no fries here. The rumor is that there is no room for a fryer. Don't get all caught up on the fries thing, because you should get your fix at Pommes Frites during the "Eating Under and then Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge Experience."

Best Brew Pub: The Chelsea Brewing Company
I wish I had discovered this place when I was working in New York, but I didn't hear about it until a few trips ago. However, it only took one visit for The Chelsea Brewing Company to be in my permanent rotation of places to go while in the city. Super view (the restaurant looks out on the water) and atmosphere (Chelsea Piers). The food is typical brewpub fare, but their award winning beer is outstanding. If you are in the Chelsea Pier area (and are thirsty), this is the place to go. Why would you be in the Chelsea Pier area? Probably just to go here, but it's worth the trip/walk anyway (no subway stops nearby).

Best Wholesome Looking Family Owned Snack Mix and Dip Deli-type Store: William Poll*
We found this place accidentally, but fell in love instantly. New York City is big, so don't just take my word for it. Citysearch.com editors describe the place this way: "Fresh, homemade dips and potato chips--made daily--have earned this more than 80-year-old shop culinary cult status." The people in here are super nice too. If you inquire about a few things, you'll not only get some samples, but they'll probably send you home with some free stuff. Oh, and please bring me back some of jalapeno dip and baked chips if you go. Thanks.

Best Lunch Spot That Everyone Knows About Because of the Movie But Is Still A Must Stop IMO: Serendipity3*
Even with careful planning, I bet you'll eat at one or two places that you'll think, "eh, compared to {wherever}, that was just a meal." This is not that place. For me -- Serendipity 3 --is a must see -- and if you go I guarantee -- that you will agree (even just inspired an impromptu rhyme!). Make a reservation though, and do it before your trip! Even for lunch, you won't get in without one. Also, check your calorie counter at the door. The portions are huge and the desserts are print ad perfect and practically cartoon-ish looking. Be sure to order the Frrrozen Hot Chocolate before your meal (it can be shared). Not ordering the Frrrozen Hot Chocolate is like going on a vacation to the beach and hanging out the whole time in the hotel room.

Best Spot to Have Lunch in NYC Like They Do in the Movies: Bergdorf Goodman
I suggest you arrive a little early in order to have lunch at this iconic cafe. If my "must see/eat" list hadn't grown a little long over the years, this would certainly have been a *'ed location. I'm not into the shopping experience or the super high prices, but the boutique layout of Bergies is pretty impressive and is a sight to see if all you are familiar with is the common mall department store.

Best Place to Shop Like a New Yorker (or maybe just the typical New York tourist): 5th Ave
Guys, send your ladies to Tiffany & Co. Ladies, send your man to Niketown. Also don't miss H&M, a mega-sized sort of European-style Gap.

Best Place to Try to Show Up On The Food Network: Chelsea Market
Chelsea Market is one of those places that would be a whole lot better if it was adjacent to some other city attractions, but it's not. Don't let this discourage your from heading over here. While you are there trying to see if a Food Network personality shows up downstairs (unlikely), you can check out the tasty treats at Fat Witch (brownies) or Elini's (hand painted cookies). You would think that a place called Chelsea Market Baskets would be a tourist trap, but I've bought stuff in that store that I actually use in my kitchen. My primary reason to visit Chelsea Market is usually to have breakfast or brunch at 202*. Since discovering this classy but low key half restaurant, half clothing ("lifestyle") store, I have made it a square that must be filled every trip. There aren't too many places in the city where you can dine amongst only a few other people.

Best Place to Wear Your Sunglasses Inside: Trump Tower
Maybe it's a tourist-y thing to do, but going to see the gold tower of power still feels pretty cool in my book.

Best Place to Pretend You Are Tom Hanks Playing a Giant Piano on the Floor: FAO Schwartz
It's more than a toy store... it's an attraction, and you can wait in line with a bunch of kids to hop on that big piano. Yesssssss.

Best Museums to Visit When You Have at Least Half a Day to Lose: The American Museum of Natural Science (simply awesome, maybe more than a half a day needed), The Museum of Modern Art (MoMA... for those that aren't into art, I should mention that modern art probably is not as strange as you are picturing in your head).

...and this ends Part 1 of my travel guide/ode to NYC.

The Session #37 Announcement - The Display Shelf: When to Drink the Good Stuff

2010-02-06T16:58:00.018-06:00

My journey to a full-fledged beer enthusiast has gone from having a preference for full flavored beers -- to homebrewer -- to craft beer drinker -- to beer traveler -- to beer collector -- to beer blogger. Over the past few years, I have purchased or been gifted numerous bottles of beers that I subsequently cellared and designated as “to be opened on a special occasion.” My dilemma, however, is matching an occasion with opening a particular bottle in my collection.

Not unlike collectors of other sorts, my behavior has transitioned from exploring diverse offerings to being more acquisitive in manner. Easy fix, right? Pull something out and drink it. But for example, after I enjoyed the complexities of a 750mL bottle of Victory Golden Monkey aged four years, I somehow find it harder to justify opening unique bottles in my collection that I have personally aged. Would it have been even better after five years? What about some of my other friends that did not get to share in the experience?

Finding a drinking occasion that lives up to the reputation of the bottle and the story of its acquisition is not a dreadful struggle to have, but it is a struggle nonetheless. When my good friends are over and we have had a few other beverages, will we still be able to enjoy my cave aged Hennepin that I bought after my tour of the brewery and have cellared for ten years? Will I miss it like I miss that four year old Golden Monkey?

In March, The Ferm has the honor of hosting The Session, a monthly assemblage of beer bloggers to opine on a shared topic. The March 2010 topic is “The Display Shelf: When to Drink the Good Stuff.” The topic is open ended and the rules of The Session are close to nil. You can use your post to be persuasive or therapeutic. You may choose to tell a story of a great bottle you once opened or boast of your own beer collection. Regardless of your approach to the topic, to participate simply publish your post by Friday, March 5, 2010. Afterward, leave a link to your blog in the comment section of this post or email us your link. The following weekend, I will post a round-up with comments and links to all entries. If you do not have a blog, feel free to post your thoughts on the topic in the comment section anyway.

Hopefully this topic will inspire some people, including myself, to break free and open up something special, whether with a friend, family, or even all on their lonesome. Cheers!

5 Reasons Why... Anvil Bar & Refuge is one of the Best Beer Bars in Texas

2010-01-31T20:21:00.014-06:00

Author's Note: When I first began my Top 15 Places to Get a Beer in Houston, TX list, Anvil Bar & Refuge had yet to open. By the time it was published, draft beer was fairly new to the bar. While I someday may update my list, I would like to let it be known that Anvil not only belongs on The Ferm's list, they belong very high on the list.

11D+1N+1C

11 Drafts, 1 Nitro Keg, 1 Cask.

Beer bars whose selections include three Saint Arnolds, two Real Ales, a Dogfish Head or two, an Independence Brewing Company selection (I can hope, right?), and several pedestrian or safe selections are few and far between. However, Anvil is not that bar. Anvil is the kind of bar that truly cares about the way their beverages are served. They house a well designed and well maintained beer serving system. Each keg even has its own gas regulator, and Anvil takes it a step further and mixes their own beer gas.

I wore out the thesaurus looking for something to describe the special release and hard to find draft beers offered on Anvil’s thirteen taps. Esoteric is OK. Impressive may be better. However, unrivaled may be the most appropriate.

Check out their beer chalkboard to see what is on tap. This link is updated weekly!

The Bar Has an Understated Connection to its City

Amongst a plethora of franchises and quasi-unique establishments owned by mega-groups, Anvil co-owner Bobby Heugel built his dream bar. Anvil is tucked away in a trendy, but somewhat unaffected area of Westheimer in Houston, TX. The building originated as a Bridgestone-Firestone store built in 1959. What makes the facility impressive, however, is the marked passion in the interior design and décor (decidedly opposite of the Red Robin corporate design). The vintage glasses, resting on shelving from a piano store the owners worked at as kids, were acquired from local thrift shops. You can rest your feet at the bar on a piece of an old railroad track that previously ran through Houston.

The bar owners renovated the interior of the bar almost entirely themselves, and while some of the most interesting features of the bar are not evident at first glance, you cannot help but feel you are somewhere special while sipping a drink at Anvil.

These Guys Are Freaks

Hidden in the “About” section of their perpetually under construction website is a note that “Anvil Bar & Refuge is owned and operated by a small group of cocktail freaks.” What you will witness when you visit are people that create each drink as if it was a small piece of art that they are showing off to friend. If you have ever been at a loud bar and watched a bartender make a cosmo or mojito, you will really appreciate the love the folks at Anvil have for what they do. The bar's dedication to serving great drinks makes Anvil a great place, regardless of the drink ordered.

The website also states: “Our bar is a manned by the same individuals who built, bartend, and manage it. Anvil is a special place for us, and we hope that you will share what can only be described as our refuge.”

It shows.

Classic, Stylish, ~~Pretentious~~ Down-to-Earth

Everything about Anvil’s approach to serving prohibition era drinks and great beer is stylish, from your seat at the bar to the glass in which it is served. The atmosphere is what differentiates this bar from its corporate counterparts. Bobby describes Anvil as “an expression of who we are and a passion for making cocktails and sharing our evenings with a group of friends, some familiar and some new, every night.” Some may counter that any place that is often so crowded that there is a line to get in is more pretentions than down to Earth. To this I respond, is it the bar owner’s fault that the place is popular? An owner’s job is to create the best experience possible. If you are lucky enough to be inside, it is hard not to agree that Anvil overachieves at this goal.

“the List”

After finding a place at their large prominent bar, which is always a better place to enjoy a drink than a couch, I was handed “the List.” It is a large sheet of paper with a memo under the simple title stating: “We at Anvil would be remiss in our duties if we did not mention that there are certain libations we feel you should try at least once in your life...for better or worse. Below is a list of 100 of them.” It is arranged in alphabetical order and starts with an Absinthe Drip and ends with a Zombie. If anything, The List had me watching the bartenders all night to try to match what was being prepared with the 100 items. The purpose of my first visit to Anvil was to get a taste (or two) of the new limited release Saint Arnold Divine Reserve #9, but the List is certain to bring me back.

Crawford Crapitto’s Imbibe This! Vol 1 - Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale

2010-01-21T22:03:00.005-06:00

Kids!

What do you know good?

Being that this is my first post on this blog and all, let me introduce myself. My name is Crawford Crapitto, CEM. I enjoy a drink or two every now and again. I am Vice President of Services down at the Solutions branch of the local utility. I have got a wife, a teenage daughter, and dog named Boozer. Seriously, if I tell you more I'm sure you'll be stalking me when I insult your favorite beverage -- and let's be honest, if you are reading this humdrum site then you probably need my help.

How did I get here? I stumbled across the site while Googling "what kind of cheese goes in a kolache" last Tuesday afternoon. While I didn't get any flipping cheese help, now I know that Minute Maid Park stocks like 87 different sizes of cups. Overall I found TheFerm to be satisfactory. It has got tabs up top for "Beer" (check), "Wine" (my cellar is stocked!), "Spirits" (hah hah, not ghosts), and a few other German items. However, I was searching around between meetings today and could not find any thoughts on actual beverages. Kolache contests, random news, a schizophrenic interview… but no drinking advice.

Problem solved kids. During my 3:00 PM strategic planning teleconference I broke out my Crackberry (my daughter calls it that) and emailed SirRon (not his real name it turns out). He shot a message right back, which was disturbing given it was the middle of a work day. After a few more back-and-forths, it was like we were old drinking buddies. I like that young man. He reminds me of a younger, less successful me with twice as many kids as necessary. Long story short, he gave me the keys to the company car, and I am ready to get this site rolling.

Full disclosure: I do not have any blog experience. However, I have been told I can email my posts to the admins over at TheFerm and they will take care of the rest. Thanks in advance Candee! Lesson #1 kids, delegate. (Although I plan on grammar checking these before I send them, that young girl cannot even spell her own name.)

My journey to this post's beverage selection starts at Whole Foods. Despite all of the smelly hippies and tiny architects pondering which of the 31 flavors of granola to buy, I prefer Whole Foods to my other local grocery. Sure, there is a Kroger across the street, but there are way too many "people who live in large apartment complexes" (yeah, I remember my sensitivity training) shopping there for comfort, if you know what I am saying. Whole Foods has a sound selection of beers. They also sell singles, which allows me to make my own six packs without having to resort to the sneakery I must perform at Krogers. I put together five Sierra Nevada Celebration Ales and one Twisted Tea (the commercial said it was Man-Tea… sold!).

When I get to the checkout, there is this man buying like 10 pounds of salmon. What is this guy, a bear? I looked the other direction, because while everyone thinks bears are so cute, bears kill. What is the cutest bear you know? That bear you are thinking of right now will kill you.

Seriously, I will maul you just to get that
cutesy look off your face. Just sayin'.

I am still avoiding any eye contact and fail to notice when the bear clears out. Ziggy the check out guy must have already initiated some sort of check out guy small talk, which I obviously had not reciprocated. I assume this because he had a look on his face like I chopped down his favorite thinking tree. Whatever. He could also be in a bad mood after hearing the news of the Massachusetts Senate election. Sorry Zig, it looks like my family will not be footing the bill next time you take too much acid.

Tonight is not my first dance with Celebration Ale. If I was marooned on a desert island and could only take one beer, Celebration would be on my short list. Not only is Celebration Ale delicious, it embodies everything I think the perfect beer should be. It is full flavored, very hoppy, and bottle conditioned, yet it is readily available at stores everywhere (i.e. I do not have to promise the creepy beer guy at the local liquor warehouse a Cuban cigar just so he will reserve a sixer in the back for me). Being bottle conditioned, I try to hold one or two Celebration Ales back every year so that someday I can have an epic vertical tasting. I currently have about four or five vintages in the cellar. To top it all off, this beer is seasonal, so the "for a limited time" or "while supplies last" mystique applies.

Well kids, until next time, imbibe that! You can thank me later or in the comment section.

(This has got to be the easiest check I have ever cashed.)

Goodbye(?) to the Outpost

2010-01-17T20:44:00.013-06:00

When I began to construct this blog as a farewell to a Houston area watering hole, I thought it would be relatively straight forward. Local bar is founded in the suburbs. Has a rich and unique history and list of patrons because of its location near NASA. There's no other place like it in the United States, but as times change, time seemed to move on and it didn't, and as a result its relevance is diminished and even as a patron, it seems to be for the best that it moves into our memories vs. our present. But the picture is now murky, I'll expand later.

Let's start with the introduction and background. In 1981, on the heels of the Apollo program and as the Space Shuttle program was just beginning, The Outpost Tavern opened in Webster, Texas, at the corner of NASA Rd. 1 (no, there's not a NASA Rd. 2) and Egret Bay Blvd. This is just a stone's throw from the Johnson Space Center in Clear Lake, NASA one of the pillars of Houston culture since the Mercury days. Outpost was founded less than a decade after the last moon landing (about the same time from now back to 9/11 to put it in temporal perspective). But the area was invigorated with the new prospect of a Space Shuttle Program launching and a new era of space flight. In 1981, the JSC area only had a few neighborhoods, and very little social options, and The Outpost was a local watering hole that was unmatched outside of the Bonanza Steak House and Monterrey House Mexican Restaurant.

What The Outpost turned out to be a historical local bar, which astronauts, JSC management, engineers, and non-NASA locals frequented for decades. It became primarily known as the "hangout of astronauts". Touchdown parties were booked for every flight. When I was a co-op student working at JSC in the mid-1990's, several crew appreciation parties were held there (nothing like comped beer at 21 years old, shooting the breeze with astronauts). It was a place where "plain old" engineers were invited to mix with the crew and flight operations personnel to share in the celebration of a successful mission.

It had all the makings of a neighborhood bar. Memorabilia everywhere the eye could see, wood siding and primitive chairs and tables, a simple bar with a handful of taps, parking on pebbles or grass. For 28 years, locals shuffled in, day after day, to grab a little beer, some basic food made by the two or three staff while you waited, and share stories of design reviews, EVA excursions, and successful touchdowns. It was rumored that if you were selected to serve in the Astronaut corps, you opened a tab at The Outpost to kick off your journey, and didn't get to close it until you returned from your first mission. In the meantime, those "in the know" would run it up as an initiation rite. Good stuff.

So why would a place like this close? Well, the area outgrew it. There are more than a dozen other local bars, some chains, some independent, that far exceed it in accommodations, tap options, location, and "buzz". Slowly but surely, it no longer was "the place" to celebrate a successful mission, there were several other options that were easier to get to, had better parking, and more than two people cooking food. It's not to say they were more convenient or had better prices, they just slowly sucked the regular traffic away, and The Outpost slowly faded into irrelevance.

That's not to say if you stopped by you wouldn't have good time. It just wasn't the good time anymore.

A few snapshots from my last trip:

It might have been given up for dead in 2005, when in January it suffered a devestating fire that gutted the establishment. But through extreme vigilance by local fire departments, lots of services provided at cost by local contractors, and patron donations, the place opened within a week, a little bit worse for the wear, but back serving the community.

Flash forward to the present. As it turns out, during it's near 30 year run in the Bay Area, The Outpost never owned the land it resided on, nor was it an issue. Until 2009. When the property was sold to a developer. Unfamiliar with the new owners, The Outpost declared that they'd just go ahead and close, instead of waiting for the other shoe to fall and get a vacate notice. To be honest, it seemed a bit quick, as there was no indication that negotiations or intent were discussed with the new owners. But I would also respect that if the ownership after 30 years thought it was time. The Outpost time had past, they no longer wanted to endure the uncertainty, nor the economic downturn, or the prospect of selling it to someone who might turn it into a Chili's clone, and just use the name as a token for profit.

But this week, things took a very unexpected turn. In a bizarre twist of cultural respect and information release, it seems as if the new property owners have locked out the management, claimed no rent has been paid for two years, but vowed that they intent is to move the establishment to a very close location and "upgrade the place to make it more family oriented" (hopefully not another Chili's). The physical structure (which was obviously compromised and rebuilt in 2005, we're not talking about that much original here) was a WWII "quonset hut" (see above link) that could quite frankly be moved. Both side vow court action, which I know means lawyers will win (sorry Mr. Smokeypants). The original owners don't want The Outpost name to be used in vain, the new property owners seem to think they have rights to the structures on the property.

So we sit in flux. I'm not sure The Outpost has relevance anymore. However, when it was going to be closed, the calls for "national landmark" and "fundraising effort" resonated deep in the JSC community. But I personally think, "all good things must come to an end" and this was a prime example.

What happens next, remains to be seen. But a toast to a place not like any other!

Is Beer Blogging Counterproductive?

2010-01-11T23:34:00.003-06:00

“Beer may cause you to digress - and lead a happier life.” -- Michael Jackson

The pour inspired a perfect, thick, one inch head on top of a bright orange body. The carbonation was heavy and consistency clear when held slightly above the eyes. A gentile swirl of the glass released a peppery aroma on top of the notes of Pilsner malts and Belgian yeast. A second agitation reveals additional aromas of hops and candi sugar. The bouquet is not as prominent as a typical Saison style, but this is not a typical Saison.

The beer’s complexity unfolds as it wanders on the palate. No flavor really dominates despite the inclusion of sweet potatoes in the fermentation. The mouthfeel is characteristic of a Saison, with the carbonation allowing the spices and complex yeast flavors to dance on the tongue. The finish is interestingly dry, perhaps from the sweet potatoes. What does the addition of a starch do to beer anyway? If only I had bought two of these so I could try one after aging. As the beer warms, the sweet potato flavor emerges slightly.

At least that is how I remember Allagash Fluxus 2009 the day after. While time and sobriety allow for a more decorated story, more credible reviews than mine of nearly every beer available are readily available on RateBeer or Beer Advocate. Each can be accessed from your home computer or even your Smartphone of choice right from the liquor store aisle.

My internal battle… whether or not a review on a beverage is worth a blog post.

Will not a simple tweet do the trick?

theferm: Poured @Allagash Fluxus 09 tonight. Made w/ sweet potatoes & pepper. A slightly sweet & spicy Saison. 8.3%ABV. Recommend highly! #craftbeer

The web is littered with Joe Webloggers and their opinions on their favorite beverages. For the most part, the posts are about as interesting as reading about their family vacation or funny things their cat does. Here at TheFerm.org, our charter was to share drinking related experiences, but Google Analytics provides evidence that readers are more likely to land on the page if we mention Russian River’s “Blind Pig” than if we cover SAVOR. If the goal is to only attempt to share something about our passion for fermented beverages with the blog reading public, the clear move is to crank out short tasting notes posts.

I currently have two refrigerators full of beers that I am procrastinating drinking. Why? Because I feel obligated to write about the experience of my most interesting bottles. I suppose I can make a resolution to write more about my drinking endeavors while they are fresh, but drinking is a social affair (usually) and writing is a private matter. Come to think of it, this may explain why I have four unfinished blog entries sitting on my hard drive. But I digress…

The "Pick Six" Beer Sampler

2009-12-25T10:16:00.013-06:00

Merry Christmas to all from The Ferm!

I was pleased to see at my local grocer a new progressive beer product, the "Pick Six" beer sampler. The a la carte beer buying technique gives the power to the consumer to assemble his or her favorite beers without being locked into six of 'em (or multiple six packs to satisfy varying tastes). As I offered before, I prefer to stay on one beer for more than one when enjoying multiples, but that doesn't mean there isn't room to try this out. After all, I'm a sucker for beer gimmicks.

Upon deciding to try it out once, I immediately gravitate toward things I haven't tried and may not like or things I know I like, but don't really want to go for the full six. After much consternation, I go with this lineup.

1) Kona Longboard
2) Sam Adams Black Lager
3) Guinness
4) Sapporo
5) Smithwicks
6) Spaten-Oktoberfest

Each has its reason...
1) I'd been dying to do a blind taste test b/w Longboard (a beer I vow to love) and St. Arnold Lawnmower (a beer I typically avoid, but had one saved in my fridge for just this reason). Results coming later in the blog, stay tuned.
2) I really like the Sam Black, but it's tough to drink more than one, perfect filler here
3) Guinness is always great on tap and they try the fancy little pellets, etc. to make it the same, another good add.
4) Love Sapporo when eating Hibachi grill or Sushi, just don't need six of 'em.
5) Solid beer, one of the better options.
6) Oktoberfest (which I own via the 2nd overall pick in the "Anything Mock Draught") has obviously come and gone and my taste buds stayed with it, but it was an Okt that I hadn't tried (or remembered trying). Getting one definitely a must in case I don't like the flavor.

I was mildly surprised at how much trouble I had filling out the six. By the time AB, Coors, and Miller products are eliminated (despite some tricks of theirs to make beers look like independent labels) there were a handful of imports or "meh" choices, stuff I try and enjoy all the time (some St. Arnold products, Fireman #4, Shiner, etc.). But I was happy with my six and all were enjoyed the following days. The Guinness was the biggest disappointment, the capsule thing sure didn't provide much carbonation, and it tasted flat. Nothing like the smooth flavor out of the draught. The rest were as advertised, enjoyed as something I don't usually get!

Before I move onto the second very loosely related part of the blog, a quick cost analysis shows that the "Pick Six" is not a bad deal. Each beer was priced at $1.49, so that's $8.94 for the six of them. If I were to buy a six pack of any of those, they were between $8.49 and $8.99. So the premium price paid for each is less than 10 cents a bottle, not bad in the grand pricing scheme (less than one cent per ounce).

As a follow up, I tried another "Pick Six" a week or so later, this time focusing on all German beers. I really had trouble finding much interesting and probably disliked half of what I picked. The next time I stopped by the aisle, the novelty had worn off and there wasn't much I really wanted to try that was new, and what I liked I'd prefer to get a sixer anyway. So there is a diminishing return associated.

So as for the taste test, I frequently execute home, blind taste tests, using a couple of sampler glasses and a coaster marked underneath with each. Most of the time to test myself rather than the beers, can I really tell the difference b/w two similar products of the same style.

While looking away, move the beers around in circle on their coaster enough times that my mind can't recall how many. Most times, I don't look at the beer before sampling, as hue or other visible factors might give it away.

So for this bout, in the Red Corner, we have the Hawaiian Puncher, the Lei Lager, the Pacific Rim Pilsner...Kona Longboard Lager!

In the Blue Corner, we have the Houston Hopiness, the Texas Titan, the Bayou City Beer...St. Arnold Lawnmower!

Versus

Blue Corner

Red Corner

And the winner is...it was honestly a tie. During the test I could barely distinguish, and after about four rounds, I guess which was which only half the time. Now I'm not a connoisseur by any means, purely amateur. But I'd say going forward I could buy either. This surprised me, I thought I'd be able to pick the St. Arnold flavor that is pervasive throughout their beer line, but I couldn't.

One disclosure regarding the test, the Longboard in your mainland store is brewed up in Oregon as I understand it. I first tried Kona from taps on Maui, brewed locally and (at least in my mind), vastly superior. Of course when drinking a beer in 80 degree sun on a Lanai with the beach a stone's throw away might have affected my mind! I also really prefer the Fire Rock Pale from Kona, but it gives me hangovers (and I usually don't get those) so I have to avoid. I've also tried the Wailua Wheat, which has a hint of passion fruit and is worth a try if you can find the seasonal spring brew.

J.R. Enjoys Kona Draft in various Maui bars

The "Pick Six" is a great way to do your own blind taste test, or try things you might not otherwise. I'm hoping my grocer mixes up the options a bit more frequently, or I'm probably not going to go that route very frequently. But all in all, a victory for beer drinkers, just having the option!

The Session #34 – Stumbling Home

2009-12-03T17:48:00.007-06:00

Hello, my name is K Dub, and I’m a stumbling homer. I know a lot of you might be saying to yourself, “What a responsible and handsome individual,” but let me be the first to tell you that stumbling home is a serious condition that is very difficult to treat. My wife sometimes says, “Why don’t you just say you’re ready to go instead of just disappearing in a stupor?” Unfortunately, I do not have a good answer for that question, perhaps it is just my style to leave in such an unorthodox fashion while under the influence.

That’s why I’m here today typing on the blog thing, as part of this month's The Session blog, to describe to the masses my three favorite methods for stumbling home. I’ll start with the easy one and work my way up to an advanced level of home finding. Try to remember that for most people stumbling home of all kinds has one common end game, going to sleep. Grab you pencil and paper because I’m about to learn you something, trust me, I’m not a doctor.

Method #1 – Get in a Fight with your Crazy Girlfriend, Walk one and a half miles back to your house and kick a hole in the bathroom door
· I would say that this is the most basic of stumbling homes that happens a lot more than you would think. There’s really not that much technique involved here, it basically involves that the stumbling homer consume adult beverages at his favorite bar for around six to ten hours. The next ingredient is that your manic-depressive girlfriend shows up and wants to leave and go have dinner somewhere else. You inform said girlfriend that you have already eaten, twice, and that you are no longer hungry. The girlfriend then begins to yell at you in front of all your friends, and since you’ve been paying the bartender cash, you simply place your beverage down and walk home. This eliminates the catalyst for your girlfriend’s anger and reduces the amount of whining that your friends have to listen to.
· Note that there is room for improvisation, one ‘accidentally spill’ beer on the girlfriend or even tell the girlfriend choice words before leaving, but doing these actions can spark further arguing by your girlfriend and continue your public humiliation.
· To really make this one fun try stumbling home in brand new boots that haven’t been broken in, that makes for a fun and exciting trip. Also, don’t forget to try and look sober, you never know if a police officer is watching you. Just keep telling yourself, to yourself not out loud, that ‘you are sober, and nobody will notice you if you just stay cool.’ Note that if you do get caught with a P.I. please understand that the police officer is only doing their job, serving and protecting the public and probably yourself.
· Once you’re home, you’ve got this one in the bag, you simply find the door that irritates you the most and test the structural integrity of the door approximately six to eight inches above the floor. Then all you need to do is your nightly routine and off to bed you go.

Method #2 – Have too much to drink and wait in the car for your wife/friend to drive you home
· This absolutely has to be one of my all time favorites which I have repeated on several occasions as I see fit. First of foremost you need to make sure that a) Your wife is very loving and patient or b) Your friend is trustworthy and won’t write anything on your face while you slumber in the car.
· Once you have the above taken care of the rest of the exercise can take a few steps to completely successfully. Go to a tolerable watering hole and enjoy yourself around your friends and accidentally consume a little too much. At this point ask for the keys but ensure the giving party that you DO NOT intend to drive and that all you would like to do is to, “lay down in the car for a while” or explain that “I’m done, want to go home.”
· If the driver for the evening is not willing to leave the good times just yet explain that you’ll just go to the car for a nap and that you do not feel sick, even if you do feel sick.
· At this point you need to remember how to get back to the vehicle (one may need to use techniques described in Method #3) and to make sure you look sober while walking (see Method #1).
· Once inside the vehicle there are many positions to assume for maximum comfort and deep relaxed sleep.
o Sitting in the front seat at a decline offers many advantages and is quite possibly the most popular. However this position can offer problems to backseat passengers and result in waking you up for a seat adjustment, resulting in anti-slumber. Another downside to this position is the sleep slump, which is where you slide down in the seat while sleeping which can result in a crick in your neck.
o Lying down in the backseat bench is also another favorite where one can almost spread out and achieve comfort in the fetal position. This is a highly recommended sleeping position during the winter months as the fetal position offers additional warmth be contained, ask Sirron about this, it’s his kind of engineering, not mine. Be careful with this one as seat belts can be a problem and a terrific nuisance.
o My personal favorite requires the use of an SUV of some sort where one will take over the rear cargo area (no third seat) with your human body. There is almost unlimited freedom of movement for various sleeping positions which is an important thing to the irritable drunk man. Scout out the location prior to slumber time as cargo areas attract trash, tire irons, speak boxes and other obstacles which may result in an unpleasant sleeping experience.
· When you reach the vehicle you just need to make yourself comfortable and wait for the ride home. Naps are of course completely natural and highly recommended at this point. Once at home proceed with your nightly routine and head off to bed, distractions such as Forest Gump on TV may be tempting to watch, but be strong and go to sleep.

Method #3 – Walk back to a hotel from a bar you’ve never been to in a city that you have never visited
· This method must only be completed by professional stumbling homers and should not be performed by amateurs under any circumstances. This method will include the use of handheld GPS devices (cell phones), unfamiliarity of your surroundings and severe lapses in judgment.
· Again, one should start while at a bachelor party (preferably your own) at a terrific bar that serves handcrafted artisanal fermented beverages (craft beer) in a City that you have never been to before. After you sit down and the room stops spinning you must quickly exit the bar without telling anyone what your intentions are or where you are going. Just get your belongings and out the door you go, do not divulge any information to your friends, they will only try to get you to stay out and party with them.
· Once you are about three blocks away from the bar and you realize that you are good and lost is when the cell phone with GPS becomes critical. A quick map search of your hotel will indicate that if you keep walking straight you will bump right in to it.
· Now again, distractions can play a negative part in this method as well but be mindful that you must stay strong. Such distractions include seeing a person asleep on the side of the road who looks so comfortable and thinking that it would be a good idea to cuddle up for a good night’s rest or even a photo opportunity. These distractions will only bring you down and might get you in fisticuffs with others, that’s why it is highly advised to stay the course and get back to the hotel as quickly and safely as possible.
· Please note that this method can be very disorientating and may result in cries for help or a taxi, but with some preliminary practice this is a very achievable stumbling home method.

While there are many other approaches, techniques and skills on successful home stumbling that’s all we have time, and space, for today. Maybe one day in the near future I can share “How to stumble home in your going out clothes from the night before” the ever popular “How to fall down in the street in your suit while leaving a wedding reception” and a one time favorite, “How to talk yourself out of stumbling to the Capitol.”

Until then, stay classy and walk the line.

The Anatomy of a Sports Bar

2009-11-20T21:07:00.010-06:00

This is NOT intended to be a "best sports bar" or "J.R.'s Sports Bar Picks", but rather a generic discussion of what makes a great Sports Bar, using examples of specific places I like with balanced criticism of what I don't like about each.

First of all, the Sports Bar is the perfect marriage of two of life's greatest rewards. For the average sports fan, we basically work and toil all day, be it at our jobs, raising our kids, volunteering in our neighborhoods, mentoring students, etc. With the one goal, that at the end of the day, we can sit back, have a cold one, and watch some sort of entertaining sporting event on TV. Which one can do just about any day of the year, except the day before and after the major league all star game. In which, WNBA is your only option, and let's face it, that's about 2 years from folding. Christmas Day is a bit light for me, too. I mean after the presents and before dinner, what am I supposed to do? Nevermind, different subject for a different blog. But Thanksgiving has it right, IMO.

So what makes a great Sports Bar? Several factors. In rough order of preference for me, a good sports bar needs:

1) High technology TV's and a lot of them
2) Management that analyzes the sports watching needs of the customers
3) Staff that is plentiful enough to easily provide food and drink to the patrons
4) Knowledgeable clientele
5) Lots of tables and seating
6) Location

For each, we delve further:
1) High technology TV's and a lot of them

Nothing kills sports watching quicker than not having TV's that I can see from any place in the joint. A place opened near me recently titled "All Sports Bar". I venture in there, and every TV is 40" or less and none are lower than 15' in the air. I was squinting and shrugging, how am I supposed to watch the game? Within' months it changed to "Baja Bar", abandoning the sports theme and going with the night club theme.

2) Management that analyzes the sports watching needs of the customers

Nothing is more frustrating than going to a bar to see a game, noticing that the game of choice is not on, and having management kind of shrug their shoulders and say that they can't change it. Two examples, I recall Mr. Smokeypants and I (maybe Sirron was there) wandered into a wing establishment in which the waitresses were wearing a lot of orange. We thought they might have the Longhorns/Red Raiders hoops game. After not finding it, we simply asked if it might be put on. Our waitress didn't seem very interested in helping us, so after some consternation, we made a call to another wing joint (Let's just say the wings were "Wild") and they said "OF COURSE" we have the Longhorns game on, we're in Houston, right? Cha-ching. Just last weekend I wandered into a bar in Austin (which will be discussed later) that rhymes with Cluckers. We simply requested the Texas Tech/Oklahoma State game. Initially blown off (manager told us all games currently on were requested, they'd change it as soon as one ended), we did get the game. But in Austin TX, the management should have cut that random Pac 10 game that nobody was really watching and given us the most interesting Big XII South game of the day. Instead, we got to watch OU cackle at A&M until it ended.

3) Staff that is plentiful enough to easily provide food and drink to the patrons

The best sports bars I've been to have a very attentive staff, my cup is never empty, food orders and delivered fast and accurately, and I'm not having to navigate my way to the bar for lack of service. Deal killer any other way.

4) Knowledgeable clientele

Let's face it, we want to go to a Sports Bar where we feel like we're watching the game(s) with friends. It's frustrating to be at a so called sports bar, but find that nobody is "really" watching the game, people are asking why ER isn't on one of the TV's (wow, that dated me), a big play happens and nobody really reacts, etc. The best sports bars are ones in which you walk in, and there are lots of people like you, very interested in the game(s), knowledgeable, may or may not be cheering for the team you are, but in tune with the game at hand.

5) Lots of tables and seating

You can have all of the above, but for me to enjoy a game in full, I need a place to sit, or at least put my beer down. I've seen some very good bars that were all standing, or the seats were in the corner and it really took away. You need to have tables and seats, they need to have TV's in full view, and waitstaff attending them. Period.

6) Location

You could have the best sports bar in the world, but if it's in Washington DC SE (no offense), I'm not going. A corollary of this is that, the bar is best very near your residence. I acknowledge that some of the best sports bars in Houston, are, well, in Houston. Last night I was looking to find a place to watch the Colorado/Okie State game, and the folks I was looking with decided that the best bars were downtown, for a weeknight it wasn't worth the drive, and that we'd just do better watching at home. If there was a place right around the corner, we would have been there.

All that being said, here are some of my favorite (or frequented despite flaw) sports bars, and how they rate on a scale of 1-5 for each category. Each bar I've been to (occasions cited)

1) Home Plate Bar and Grill, 1800 Texas Ave, Houston, TX
My usual stop before Astros game (mini-season ticket holder)

One of two major bars right outside the gates at Minute Maid Park. According to Google, it's literally 400 feet away from home plate (that's just a football field plus end zones, with the white part). This is my preferred place to the other one, more abundant A/C, more intimate feeling, etc. But without further ado, how it ranks:

1 - (4) Good number of TV's and one projection. Whenever I'm there, I'm seeing the game
2 - (5) Always have the best games on, admittedly I only go during MLB when MLB is prominant
3 - (3) Average service, sometimes slow, other times you can't get a bartenders attention
4 - (5) Fans there are in tune with the games on. Nobody is there to watch ER
5 - (3) Some tables, popular times you can't find a seat, but most times you can
6 - (4) Strong location in terms of Minute Maid Park, weaker for being downtown

2) Pluckers Wing Bar 2222 Rio Grande Austin, Texas
Frequent stop before Longhorn games, went there last week after Baylor game

Used to be a hole in the wall, now a full-fledged sports bar.

1 - (4) Good number of TV's in the right spots. Missing a feature TV
2 - (4) Willing to switch games, but not having Tech/OSU on last week gets a 1 pt deduct
3 - (5) Can't say my beer has ever been dry there, staff is plentiful
4 - (3) Half the crowd are Greeks looking for action, not games.
5 - (5) Tables everywhere, bar has great tables, too.
6 - (5) I used to live blocks from here, great location and now with a parking garage

3) Brittany's Sports Bar 12449 Dillingham Square, Woodbridge, VA
After our softball games, or after Potomac Cannons minor league games (now Potomac Nationals). Full disclosure, this bar sponsored my softball team for years. But I can be fair...

1 - (3) TV's are abound, when I was there not necessarily enough or flat enough.
2 - (5) NFL games are catered to the crowd, labels are on each TV as to what game will be on at what time.
3 - (5) Staff was always top notch (and we got discounts for wearing the uniform)
4 - (4) Almost a 5, but there are parts that aren't watching the game. I did see a guy "charge the screen" and scream once b/c his favorite NASCAR driver got wrecked. That's intense.
5 - (5) Tables right where you need them.
6 - (5) In a nice area, close to where I lived, etc.

4) MGM Sportsbook 3799 S. Las Vegas Blvd. Las Vegas, NV
Flew into Vegas before the 1/1/2005 Rose Bowl, watched #4 Tech beat #4 California here (Tech's #4 is in the Big XII South).

A bit of a curveball here. A sportsbook? Bear with me.

1 - (5) TV's everywhere. EVERYWHERE. It's their livelihood.
2 - (5) Every game on somewhere.
3 - (4) Drinks are free with gambling, but you might be dry for a while.
4 - (4) Would be a "5" for those with action, but there are too many others not betting who don't care.
5 - (3) Plenty of seats, but no real food options and no table atmosphere.
6 - (4) Great Vegas location, but anything in Vegas is hard to get to really.

5) The Library, 501 South Mill Avenue, Suite 101, Tempe, Arizona
The days before and after the Jan. 2009 Fiesta Bowl

1 - (4) TV's everywhere, but not quite prominent enough
2 - (4) Diversity of games good, nothing outstanding
3 - (5) Staff dressed very attractively (see link above) and attentive
4 - (3) Fair bit of the crowd really isn't watching the game.
5 - (3) Not a lot of good tables with good views. Bar is good, though.
6 - (5) In the heart of the entertainment district in Tempe, near the trolley.

6) Sports Harbour 13484 Washington Blvd, Marina Del Rey, CA
The days before and after the 1/1/2005 Rose Bowl

This bar sucked. It was within walking distance from our hotel. But it sucked. My review will reflect that (just to show there can be bad). Why I kept going back night after night I don't know. We did meet an interesting bisexual "couple" of ladies.

1 - (2) A few primitive TV's around.
2 - (1) So few TV's, I can't imagine they could cover a wide variety
3 - (4) The staff was adequate, big bar to serve.
4 - (1) Rough, rough crowd. I remember I got hit on by skanks and one guy.
5 - (1) Tables were crappy.
6 - (3) Bad neighborhood, but near my hotel. Split the difference.

7) ESPNZone, Washington, DC
At first I thought that this would be the future of sports bars, but I saw flaws.

1 - (5) TV's everywhere. Including over the urinal
2 - (4) Slight bias toward ESPN events
3 - (3) Service is very average
4 - (4) Big sports crowd as one might expect, but not outstanding
5 - (3) Lots of tables, but you can't get them for any big event.
6 - (4) Great locale, but tough to get to for suburbanites.

8) Champs Sports Bar, 3956, boulevard Saint-Laurent, Montreal, QC
Was in town for a work conference, it so happened it WAS the All Star Game (2008) so I found the best reviewed sports bar in the largest city in French speaking Canada and this review ensued.

1 - (4) TV's abundant, but not as many as there could be.
2 - (4) Tough to say, only one game on, but I think they cater to the crowd.
3 - (5) Service was as good as I've ever experienced.
4 - (3) Cultural difference here, fans were more interested in who played for the Expos than the game.
5 - (4) Tables looked abundant, it was kinda dead.
6 - (4) It was in the heart of an entertainment district.

9) Nick's Place, Rockyridge and Westheimer, Houston, TX
Multiple visits.

1 - (5) TV's are as good as they come
2 - (5) Were able to watch UFC, NHL playoffs, and NBA playoffs all at the same time.
3 - (4) Service good, but they could use a few more servers.
4 - (5) Fans here are the salt of the sports earth
5 - (4) Tables everywhere they can stick them, but it's not that big of a place.
6 - (4) A bit tough to get to, but neighborhood-ey.

10) You living room, your house, anywhere USA.
Another curve ball? Maybe the best place to watch is closer than you think?

1 - (?) I haven't been to your living room, but you set the tone here.
2 - (1) At best you would have two TV's
3 - (5) Food and drink are plentiful and cheap
4 - (4) You set the company, only reason it's not a "5" is b/c you're probably alone.
5 - (5) Big, comfortable couches with great views.
6 - (5) Can't beat the location for staggering to bed.

So if I were to rank the places I've been, assuming all categories equal (which they're not), the pts would be:
27 - Brittany's, Woodbridge
27 - Nick's Place, Houston
26 - Pluckers, Austin
25 - MGM, Vegas
24 - Home Plate, Houston
24 - The Library in Tempe
24 - Champs Sports Bar, Montreal
23 - ESPN Zone, Washington, DC
20+? - Your living room
12 - Sports Harbour, MDR, CA (that place sucked)

I do believe I am still in search of the "perfect" sports bar, there is always room for improvement. But follow the basic six criteria above, and I think someone can achieve it!

R.I.P. Chank of 1560 The Game

2009-11-10T18:55:00.006-06:00

I know that you are going to a better place, but selfishness is the greatest curse of the human race, and I want you back. For a brief moment I would like to step aside from the typical drinking related content provided at The Ferm and eulogize on your magnificence. Never have I wanted a Hoffy Burger and a 1560 The Beer so bad…

For the reader that has not yet heard the news, Chance McClain and his closest of creative buddies have made a prequel to the online cult hit Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog... and it may be one of the greatest, most inspired, and whimsically hilarious fanmade movie ever recorded.

I was among several hundred that gathered to see the World Premier of Horrible Turn (follow the link to watch the movie online) last night, and it was there I caught what may be my last sighting of Chance McClain and Frank Bullington, or Chank. If it was not known when this film project began, certainly it became known last night: We do not deserve Chank. Chank has an excess of creativity. The laboratory from which Chank once secretly worked at 1560 The Game is no longer equipped to support Chank's capacity.

To think Chank should continue cranking out humorous commercials, collegiate fan songs, and catchy Houston sports hero tunes is to be greedy. Chank's passion and vision is infectious, and on this 11-10-09 (or Horrible Turn Premier +1 -- HTP+1) I bid a fond farewell. Good luck. It was nice having songs about granite counter-tops stuck in my head for days at a time. May a flight of angels sing thee to thy… throne, or wherever you will land. You will be missed *sniff*

update: Entertainment Weekly gives Horrible Turn some serious props...
'Dr. Horrible' prequel is fan-made -- and fantastic

The Session #33 – Framing Beer (Sirron Made Me Do It)

2009-11-06T09:53:00.004-06:00

I should admit upfront that my beer expertise comes only from consumption. Oh, and Sirron is my big brother. He asked me to take a stab at an entry discussing "the role a label plays in framing a beer" for this month's Session, hosted this month by Andrew at I'll Have a Beer. Here are a couple of my beer-related thoughts on the topic:

A beer’s brand exists with or without a label, a name, or even a bottle. In fact, brands live in the minds of consumers, not producers. Producers (or corporations, more like it) spend a lot of money trying to steer brands to their advantage. This is a good thing for my parents and their guest bedroom because, if corporations didn’t, I would be unemployed.

The big secret is that producers will never have complete control of a brand’s identity. It's about the experience, other people's opinions, pop culture, beer trends, etc. While using a can instead of bottle (gasp) or featuring a saint instead of a mountain scene (Can someone tell me why so many microbrews have wildlife on their labels?) can help explain the vision to a consumer, it will never tell the whole story.

While I’m a sucker for clever packaging (Sirron’s elaborate gift wrap of a Mariah Carey CD circa Christmas 1991 may take the cake), I think the lack of it is what the homebrew brand is all about.

Celebrating Saint Arnold Brewing Company Day

2009-10-28T23:52:00.010-05:00

On this -- this seemingly average October but post-Oktoberfest hump day -- Mayor Bill White bestowed upon the city of Houston a day celebrating our beloved local brewery.

October 28, 2009 is now officially Saint Arnold Brewing Company Day.

For me this is a day not just to celebrate, but a day to recognize the achievements of Brock Wagner and crew. I readily admit that I have been critical of the Saint Arnold brewery in the past. But today is a day to reflect upon and honor Texas' oldest craft brewery, much like Americans gather on Thanksgiving to forgive the Native Americans for giving the Pilgrims dysentery and thank them for sharing Pocahontas... or when we invite semi-distant relatives into our home for a meal with three dozen side dishes and forget that they did not even bother to send a card on our birthday.

For this reason I have decided to pull out a bottle of every remaining Divine Reserve that I have in the beer cellar and try them again. There is no better day than Saint Arnold Day to reassess my relationship with the brewery's limited offerings.

The Lineup

Divine Reserve No. 1
Style: Barleywine; Cases Made: 327; Date Brewed: August 18, 2005; Date Bottled: October 17, 2005; Original Gravity: 1.099; Final Gravity: 1.027; Alcohol: 9.3% ABV
Smells nice. Pours brown and typical of a barleywine. Taste up front is sharp, with hops and alcohol attacking the palette first and then mellowing into malty and woody flavors. The beer is not too sweet, rather a complex raisin-like flavor prevails. My only complaints are that it seems thin for a barleywine and there are a ton of yum yums floating in the bottle. Overall, my first apology has now been filed.

Divine Reserve No. 3
Style: Double IPA; Cases Made: 542 Date Brewed: July 17, 2006 Date Bottled: September 21, 2006 Original Gravity: 1.082 Final Gravity: 1.010 Alcohol: 9.5% ABV Malts: Maris Otter, Wheat, Caravienne, Carapils and Dark Crystal Other Sugars: Honey, Molasses Hops: Chinook, Centennial, Ahtenum, Cascades
I am a big Belgian beer fan, and DR#2 was a bit of a disappointment as a "keeper," at least that is my excuse for not pulling back one of the sixer that I bought. To make up for it, I bought over a case of DR#3, the 2IPA. The orange color seems about right for the style. Not overly hoppy on the nose. Well balanced flavor, but something is off with this beer. I cannot pinpoint if it is the beer itself or the stiff competition in this style. If memory serves me right, age has not improved my impression of this beer.

Divine Reserve No. 4
Style: Wee Heavy; Cases Made: 823; Date Brewed: December 20, 2006; Date Bottled: February 20, 2007; Original Gravity: 1.0835; Final Gravity: 1.021; Alcohol: 9.5% ABV
I was only a wee bit excited when I found out the fourth iteration of the DR series would be a Wee Heavy. It is just not my favorite style. I cannot really remember my original evaluation of this beer, but I can tell you my current evaluation is a huge thumbs up. This beer is much more flavorful, rich even, than typical beers of this style. Smoky, dark, complex... bravo!

Oktoberfest (2007)
While digging in the back of the shelf holding my reserved Divine Reserves, I found a two year old Oktoberfest. This is one of my favorite of Saint Arnold's seasonals, so I decided to have it bat clean-up in my Saint Arnold Day lineup. Measuring in at only 6.0% ABV, this is the "light beer" tonight. It is sweet and malty with notes of caramel. Since this is one of my favorites, I wish I knew why I felt this year's offering was not as good as previous years', such as this '07 gem. I hope the variance is only in my head.

Sincere congratulations to all the staff and volunteers at Saint Arnold Brewing Company. Keep up the good work.

Next year... parade!

How Not To Get a Job with the Houston Press

2009-10-22T16:52:00.009-05:00

The internet is a powerful and empowering thing. As a result of millions of people's contributions, each with individual passions, the web has become chock full of just about everything you ever wanted to know and ten times more stuff that you never wanted to know about. Like it or not, this is not just a product of the Google generation, even grannies are blogging these days. This is the Google era. It will be taught in grade school history books, and after their final takeover, future generations will be able to Bing and learn all about it.

My particular passion is beer. I am not saying that my greatest quality is somehow beer related or even that my talents exceed that of others who share similar passions, but discussing and partaking in its malty goodness is my escape from my regular world of Engineering or Fatherhood. It provides a medium in which I can both speak intelligently and provide content that others actually read and find interesting (I could only fulfill one of those terms in an Engineering blog... maybe).

Since the launch of TheFerm.org earlier this year, I have been able to successfully work my way into the Kolache Factory World Kolache Eating Championships, laid down an educational rap about the science of condensation, dared to claim AWOL status from the Saint Arnold Army, and even bring in thousands of hits with a list of the top fifteen beer bars in Houston, TX. Such success can go to one's head, so when I got the idea one day that the Houston Press might be interested in someone covering beer related topics around town I thought it was one of my greatest ideas since TheFerm's Anything Mock Draft. The Chronicle already had its guy in Ronnie Crocker, why could I not apply myself and become the RC for the HP?

After an unsolicited tweet and an email went unanswered, I resigned to the fact that I am an Engineer, and that ain't a bad day job. But then... this. Within days of my life-changing fantasy and subsequent giving up on my dreams, the Houston Press foodie blog "Eating Our Words" posted a job opening. Certainly it was meant to be. Maybe this section of the Houston Press just never noticed my previous inquiries. The instructions were simple enough:

To apply, send a cover letter, resume and examples of your writing to [email address removed]

Cover Letter. Check.
Examples of Writing. Check.
Resume. Hmm.

Assuming you do not lie on your resume, resumes do not lie. Your resume is your list of accomplishments, your curriculum vitae. I was faced with an interesting dilemma. Submit my actual resume, which shows I would be uniquely qualified to develop energy savings projects for a facility of the Houston Press' choice, or create some sort of resume showing my writing accomplishments, which I guess are either what I have left behind on the web or some gripping energy savings technical reports. My choice was to do what all of you are probably thinking as well: Skip the resume and go straight to the interview portion of the screening process.

While it may seem pompous to assume that the Houston Press would want to interview me just because I inquired about the job, I had an idea.

I will have the real life me interview my blogging alter ego. [Picture me nodding my head in that kind of blind self-congratulatory way right now.]

Below is a reproduction of the exact pretend interview I had with my blog writing alter ego.

My Interview for "Eating Our Words"… with Myself

Day Job Greg = Norris
Writing Alter Ego = SirRon

Norris: What is your biggest regret, and why? Ha! Just kidding. This is not that kind of interview.

SirRon: Soooo... I took a look at your resume... pretty impressive, if you were looking to manage the maintenance department at the Houston Press facilities.

Norris: Thanks, I guess. I noticed that you don't have a resume. Tell me a little about your qualifications.

SirRon: I've had a few items published.

Norris: Wow. Really?

SirRon: Yes. Ever heard of the "National Written and Illustrated By" contest? I won that. Well, actually it was an honorable mention… in eighth grade. But the key word there is "National."

Norris: Oh.

SirRon: I also scooped up an English Student of the Year award that year from my junior high.

Norris: Yeah. Well. How about any writing accomplishments as an, um, adult?

SirRon: I sent a "deep thought" to Ruminate.com that got published online and distributed to their subscribers. Want to hear it? Hear it goes. "I always keep a smelly fish in my pocket in case someone ever walks up to me and says, 'I will give you a million dollars if you have a smelly fish in your pocket.' Who is the crazy one now?!"

Norris: Ok, got it. I think I understand your experience, but I'd like to ask some questions specific to this job opening. The Houston Press is looking for a foodie blogger.

SirRon: I'm a foodie... I'm a blogger... aaaannnnd I'm pretty sure there was not a question in there (good thing the Houston Press isn't looking for a reporter).

Norris: What I mean is that I understand your passion for food. I've seen all your RSS feeds of food blogs, the tweeps you follow, your Cooks Illustrated/America's Test Kitchen online subscription and TiVo season pass, and your outstanding gourmet-ish tailgates. But right there on the HP website, the appeal for a new writer states:

Are you a regular at those Houston "throw-downs" involving pork bellies and fried chickens?

SirRon: I would have to say no to that.

When a hot Houston restaurant has a special event, are you the first to sign up?

SirRon: Not exactly.

Do you go to Houston festivals and try one of everything from each booth?

SirRon: Yes!

Do you take pictures of every damn thing you put in your mouth?

SirRon: Ummmmmmm.

Norris: Focus!

Can you string together sentences in an entertaining fashion?

SirRon: Does a pig fly in the woods?

Norris: Huh?

SirRon: Anyway, I may excel in covering the minutiae of drinking topics, but I can write about food. Did you catch my "5 Reasons Why... Beaver's Ice House Changed My Life" post?

Norris: As a matter of fact I did.

SirRon: ...my coverage of the SAVOR experience in Washington D.C.?

Norris: Which was a beer festival...

SirRon: A craft beer AND food paring event, thank you very much. I covered all seven days (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) of Craft Beer Week this year.

Norris: Yeah, what was up with all that text before the beer reviews?

SirRon: Anecdotes are... eh, never mind. You don't really have something like that in your Engineering world I guess.

Norris: Back to my interview. Why writing?

SirRon: Someone around here has to be the yin to your yang. The Creative to your Project Manager. The fiction to your calculations of chilled water pump BTU. The right brain needs exercising every now and again.

Norris: What is your favorite thing about being a blog writer?

SirRon: Sharing my experiences... and the feedback.

Norris: Narcissistic much? I saw "Anonymous" doesn't think very highly of your "Top 15 Places to Get a Beer in Houston, TX" post.

SirRon: That piece was the feat of a whole lot of beer bar study. I gathered input from a lot of folks, but I forgot to get input from Anonymous before publishing.

Norris: Don't sweat it. Last question. Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball? Oops, wrong page. I mean, why do you want this job?

SirRon: Quite simply, to take my writing to the next level.

Norris: Cliché alert!

SirRon: I'm (we're? this bit is getting confusing) not ready to quit my day job, but writing for "Eating Our Words" would is the perfect convergence of all my passions: Food, drink, and writing.

Norris: SirRon, you are off the hot seat. Thank you for your time and good luck!

Blogger's note: I have not talked to anyone, before or after, that thought the faux interview was a good idea. Ah well.

TV REVIEW: Saturday Night Live - Gerard Butler & Shakira

2009-10-19T22:09:00.004-05:00

Last week, NBC and Anheuser-Busch made an historical announcement. For the first time in the 35-year history of SNL, the show would have a sole sponsor. The occasion would allow for Anheuser-Busch to promote it's new Bud Light Golden Wheat, while giving SNL the opportunity to bring viewers some never-before-aired clips as they celebrate their past.

To acknowledge this beer sponsored historical television event, TheFerm.org will offer its first review of a TV program, and I will provide this review in two words.

Banned List.

List>"Saturday Night Live">Delete now

I cannot really tell you much about the show, it was deleted from my TiVo unwatched.
The banned list is real.

Thank you.

5 Reasons Why... Beaver’s Ice House Changed My Life

2009-10-02T14:35:00.007-05:00

It Made Me Drive Out to Washington Avenue

Houston is sprawled over some 600 square miles. I'm no suburbanite, but sometimes a trip from the Med Center to The Heights district feels like it requires a special occasion. Sure, this isn't fair to one of Houston's best hoods, but take a look at a map and see what other hot spots one passes through on that excursion (Museum district, Rice Village, Montrose, Midtown, etc.).

With the exception of spotting some of the chochy takeover of Washington Ave, I said to myself, "self, you need to get out here more often." Beaver's was worth the trip, and I'm better for making it.

The Name Is Kinda, umm, Suggestive

A potentially suggestive name does not a good restaurant make, but when a name goes from giving you something to look up on Citysearch.com to personifying the essence of the restaurant itself, then I'm fully on board.

The food, like the name, is unapologetic. It is the playground equivalent of a kid boasting, "What? Say Something!" It is the musical difference between Tenacious D and Nickleback. It is the film equivalent of Pulp Fiction as opposed to Regarding Henry. If Beaver's was a TV show, it would be Curb Your Enthusiasm and not Two and a Half Men. You get the idea.

The Drink Menu Is Not an Afterthought

Beaver's has a pretty full bar. In fact, the drink menu is probably good enough for them to function as a bar instead of a restaurant (although don't get me wrong, I'm not making any suggestions).

With self described "fantastically fun wines," "esoteric and unexpected brews," and "a signature cocktail menu of Front Porch drinks," if those walls could talk they would probably be full of pride (the building is a renovated ice house). If Beaver's had three or so more taps to go along with their already extensive bottled beer selection, I might consider coming for something other than lunch or dinner.

The Chef Tweeted Me Before My Visit

Big deal, right? Maybe a tweet wouldn't change my life if it was from a guy at Olive Garden while taking a break from cranking out breadsticks and never-ending pasta bowls, but this is Chef Jonathan Jones y'all... dude is a marquee chef (formerly working his culinary magic at Max's Wine Dive) with some serious skills!

Chef describes his food as "whimsical, culinary comedy." Do these dishes do anything for you? Fried oyster nachos, bacon ice cream, Pozole (Texas goat, lamb and Akaushi beef and hominy stewed with guajillo and ancho chiles), Spam sandwich (pulled pork, bacon, smoked grilled spam, fried egg), fried brownie balls, etc. Excited yet? For a good time, follow @PapaBeav and @beavershouston.

In Case You Are Still Wondering, The Food Is Off the Chain

Jonathan's kitchen offers numerous flavors of crack. During my visit, I tweaked off their shredded BBQ chicken sandwich, the Pit Boss Chickwich. See if you can spot the fried egg and pickle spear in the picture. We also had a buttermilk battered NY strip that was hands down the best chicken fried steak I've ever tasted. The dish, which was covered with mushroom and bacon gravy, was the only time I've ever felt like chicken fried steak didn't need ketchup. We also couldn't pass up ordering The Houston Press' selection for best crackaroni, er macaroni and cheese for 2009. Outstanding. Even what seemed to be an ordering blunder by one member of our table, The Wedge, turned out to be impressive. A salad? This bad boy came out with little wedges of bibb lettuce, bacon, a fried egg, and blue cheese dressing made with Southern Star Pine Belt Pale Ale. Nice.

Dewed, Hold My Beer - A Lesson On Condensation

2009-09-25T13:24:00.008-05:00

Today I would like to depart from my regular role here at The Ferm of "poking a stick at The Man" or "angering Houstonians with my personal opinions" and instead dispense a little science. Today's lesson is on condensation.

Working in a mechanical engineering position in the HVAC field, I could readily pull out my trusty Psychrometric chart and start breaking down the properties of air with you guys, but that makes better party conversation than blog reading. I'm assuming that our astute readers already know that condensation is the transition of a vapor to a liquid, so we'll just skip to the good stuff. It is the driver behind the creation of your favorite distilled beverage, it is responsible for the conditioning in your home or office, and it is responsible for all those sweat rings on your coffee table.

Condensation is natural, powerful, beautiful, and even dangerous. In an attempt to deliver today's lesson on condensation in a fun and exciting way, I've chosen to make it into a little educational ditty. I find rhymes make everything more enjoyable. If I did my job right, you'll come out of this not even realizing that you learned something.

Dewed, Hold My Beer
He was hangin' at the sports bar with his crew.
His buddies sporting khaki pants and retro shoes.
His beloved dirt burglars just got shocked by BYU,
But they drown it out with another round of brews.
Rack 'em up, time to break, and grab a pool cue.
While they all start jamming to blink 182,
Dude starts dancing something that looks like kung fu
So he scoops up his beer and beelines for the loo.

"Excuse me!" I proclaim, with my ballyhoo.
"Your ice cold beer should not be wasted, yes this is true,
But the facts of condensation I must first construe.
I won't bore you with a nerd-ish book review.
Confuse you with enthalpy, wet bulb, or BTU.
But this restroom you just brought that drink into
Is filled with saturated air from a patron or two.
You see, urine is a warm and some evaporates too."

"Now look down at the top surface of your cold brew.
That surface, my friend, is now covered with dew.
I know you'll miss your beer, but please think this through.
DON'T TAKE YOUR COLD BEER INTO THE BATHROOM DUDE!!"

Thank You.

Farmers Fight for Farmhouse Ales

2009-09-15T20:29:00.015-05:00

Recently Mrs. K Dub and myself celebrated our 1 year anniversary by making a weekend trip to Portland, Oregon. After my trip to Portland last year for my bachelor party (another entry all together, ask Sirron) she's always wanted to go, so off we went. We went to try some seafood, enjoy cool weather and of course check out the great beer scene. Well, the seafood was great, the weather was similar to Texas (Epic Fail) and the beer was uh-mazing, especially the brewery shown in this little picture to the left.

I modeled an itenerary after one created by Sirron for my bachelor party and it was quite strong. But on the second day we deviated from the schedule at the recommendation of a nice young lady at Cork (a bottle shop) on 1715 NW Lovejoy. After checking out the awesome beer selection I found a farmhouse ale from Portland that I've never heard of so I thought, "What the hell, I'll try it." I placed it on the counter and the young lady had a look on her face like a little kid in a candy store and told us about the brewery. She said, "Have you heard of Upright Brewery? You should totally check them out, they're brewing farmhouse style ales and are located in the basement of a really cool building called the Leftbank Building." Those were probably some of the greatest words that Mrs. K Dub and I had heard all weekend.

So from Cork (a bottle shop) we stopped at another brewpub, as it was right down the road, and the only thing I could think about was getting to Upright. I was giddy with excitement and just wanted to irresponsibly dispose of those brewpub offerings (ie. shooters baby) so that we could leave. After enjoying the sampler and finish watching the Wisconsin vs. Fresno State game we caught a cab to the brewery.

Which I have to ask, what's the deal with cab drivers? They drive about as well as I did when I was twelve and they drive everyday. What's the deal?

After arriving at the brewery we walked into the tasting area and greeted by another nice young lady in charge of pouring the samplers. She explained to us that they're regular beers on tap are numbered Four, Five, Six and Seven and that today they had two special ales on tap, a Gruit and their Four aged in barrels. Short and simple, they were all great, including the Gruit which I was very skeptical. Side note: Gruits are ales brewed with spices other than hops, I've had other Gruits and have not been impressed, but holy jeez, Upright's was awesome. Other beers available in bottle for tasting were the True Wit and Flora Rustica. After tasting we were led on a guided tour by owner and brewer Alex Ganum.

The tour included viewing the 10 Barrel (one barrel=31 gallons) brewing system, their two open fermenters and conditioning tanks that are all used to brew their tasty ales. Alex was kind enough to break out a bag of Hallertauer whole hops from the freezer for us to rub in our hands and smell, kind of like that other brewer/owner guy from the East Coast. The open fermenter were cool for me because these fermenters are stored in their own room that is kept under positive pressure relative to the surrounding room. I believe brewers do this with the pressure thing on open fermenters so that bacteria, wild yeasts and nasty things don't float their way into the fermenting ale spoiling it. Some beers call for this 'spoiling', but not all.

After the touring we spoke with a nice gentleman that was Treasurer of a local homebrew club, we spoke of great beer, good times and adventurous ideas. But alas, time was against us to go visit another establishment and another friend so unfortunately we had to depart. Before leaving we bought some merch and some beers for the trip back to Texas.

Mrs. K Dub and I have been talking about Upright ever since we got back and if you ever get a chance to visit Portland you should check out Upright Brewing, they pretty much kick ace.

Saint Arnold’s Divine Reserve: Sometimes Neither Divine Nor Worth Reserving

2009-09-09T11:19:00.003-05:00

DISCLAIMER: This post reflects the personal views of the author, in his individual capacity. It does not necessarily represent the views of TheFerm.org or its other resident bloggers, and is not sponsored or endorsed by them.

If Saint Arnold's Divine Reserve #8 hits the shelves and I'm not there purchase any, does it make a difference?

I am admittedly a little less dedicated to the cause than the rest of the Saint Arnold Army. And when I say less dedicated, I mean I spent my lunch hour four years ago visiting several local Specs Stores (and a few grocery stores) to get my hands on the first release of Divine Reserve, a heavily hopped barleywine. After over an hour of enthusiastic search, I drove back to work frustrated and empty handed. It seems there were loads of local beer drinkers more passionate than myself.

Breweries are known to instill a sense of community among the local population. However, the Saint Arnold Army phenomenon is staggering, awe-inspiring, and enviable. Besides having a welcoming attitude at the brewery itself, Saint Arnold actively supports local businesses and participates in countless community efforts. Hosting Saint Arnold at an event means getting two to four times the amount of attendees than you would have without them. Saint Arnold has that kind of following. Having almost no local and very little regional competition probably helps, but as Texas' Oldest Craft Brewery, they play more of the role of a pioneer than pirate.

This is why their introduction of small batch, special edition beers ordained for craft beer enthusiasts like me sounded so exciting. Saint Arnold may have been late to the small batch party, but this is *our* local brewery. Unable to get my hands on any Divine Reserve #1 in Houston, TheFerm.org's own K-Dub brought me some… from Dallas.

And my first impression? Eh…

Inevitably the beer could not live up to such heavenly expectations. However, paired against its peers, it honestly comes off as mediocre. K-Dub's own hoppy barleywine, which he brewed for me to celebrate the birth of my daughter, blows the earthly Saint Arnold product away. *Gasp* I can almost hear the Internet comments rolling in now ("You Suck!!" –anonymous). The next six releases also failed to live up to expectations, although I will admit, the brewery started to hit their stride around DR#5.

"But SirRon," you say (because you probably only know me by my online pseudonym), "you should support local businesses." To this I say "Sure!" But does the support local movement apply to all businesses, regardless of size or quality? Coffee shops, independent farmers, the old hardware store guy, chef owned restaurants... I understand the correlation and importance here. Is a brewery with statewide distribution on par with these local businesses?

I support countless craft breweries (nightly), all of which are small businesses situated in somebody's local community. I've visited Victory Brewing Company, located in the small community of Downingtown, PA a handful of times. I believe their output exceeds Saint Arnold, but they make outstanding beers. In the end, the experience is what means the most to me. Otter Creek Brewing Company is located in the Middlebury, a Vermont town of just over 8,000 residents. Now that they have distribution in Texas, I wish they were still brewing their Middleberry Ale, a tasty beer brewed with locally grown elderberries and blueberries. Proceeds from the sales benefited their town, if memory serves me right. Ever tried Austin Amber? Guess where this small five year old, distributor-less brewery is located?

On 9/10/09, the Saint Arnold Army will probably be out in force, clearing the shelves of their local groceries and liquor stores of Divine Reserve #8, a Scotch Ale inspired by a homebrewer's winning entry in the 2009 Big Batch Brew Bash. Myself, I'll probably be supporting someone else's community that night. I'm not saying I will never pick one of these up at over at my closest Specs liquor emporium if available, I just have lost that excitement I had in the days leading up to the DR#1 release. I support our local troops and their defense of Saint Arnold Nation, but I think I'll just hang one of those ribbons in my garage instead.

That gets me thinking... If a cynical blogger from an obscure drinking blog is uninterested in the Divine Reserve series, does it even cause any waves?

Top 15 Places to Get a Beer in Houston, TX

2009-09-01T15:42:00.006-05:00

The Houston bar scene is as diverse as Houston itself. However, the Houston beer culture is quite underdeveloped, and the city's virtual lack of craft beer producers is perplexing given the explosion of microbreweries and brewpubs in the Northeastern and Northwestern States. A good beer bar, however, is the perfect remedy for the Houston beer-hunter.

The ideal watering hole is an amalgamation of many atmosphere x-factors and a beverage selection beyond the predictable basic menu of InBev/Miller-Coors products. The following represent The Ferm's Top 15 recommended places to get a beer. In basic terms, the criteria for the ranking were based on a combination of our subjective opinion of the atmosphere and quality of beers available.

#15 West Alabama Ice House
Address: 1919 W Alabama St, Houston, TX 77098
Neighborhood: Montrose
How it made the list: While it shows up at the end of our list, it would be wrong to let the horrid Houston climate force West Alabama Ice House off a list of great places to get a beer in Houston. So what if it's an outdoor bar in a city that is 90+F and humid for nine months of the year, this just might be the best dive "bar" in all of H-town. WAIH is so old school… they still maintain a MySpace page! They are family and dog friendly, host live music, and serve free hot dogs on Friday. The hungry customer can also catch something from the food vendors that drop by frequently. The beer selection is a little average, but the unique charm lands West Alabama Ice House the #15 slot.

#14 The Hobbit Café
Address: 2243 Richmond Ave, Houston, TX 77098
Neighborhood: Upper Kirby
How it made the list: While not necessarily a foodie nor a beer lover's paradise, this quirky eatery became the only traditional restaurant on our list by being good in all the categories that count. The Hobbit is a perfect place to stop for dinner during an Upper Kirby pub crawl. I wasn't aware Tex-Mex and Caribbean inspired foods were the preferred cuisine of Middle Earth, but I do know that Hobbits enjoy their drinking… and the Hobbit has a limited, but great beer menu, including several Texas craft beers on draft.

#13 The Red Lion
Address: 2316 S Shepherd Dr, Houston, TX 77019
Neighborhood: River Oaks
How it made the list: It is a British Pub, so expect the typical Bass-Harp-Guinness-Stella draft selections. Some craft beers such as Anchor Steam and Fireman's #4 also adorn the draft menu, all of which are served in 20oz imperial pints… nice touch. The pub grub here is exceptional. Baked Chicken Tandoori Quesadillas, uhh yum!

#12 Molly's Pub
Address: 24905 I-45, Spring, TX 77380
Neighborhood: The Woodlands
How it made the list: Mr. Smokeypants, who reps The Ferm in The Woodlands, vouches for this north-of-town bar. With around 30 taps, including many local craft beers, Molly's earns our title of best dive bar in the W, and the only non-Houston bar to make the Top 15.

#11 Flying Saucer
Address: 705 Main St, Houston, TX 77002
Neighborhood: Downtown
How it made the list: To be honest, I considered leaving Flying Saucer off the list. The changes to the inside and the location downtown are a turn off to me. So what saves the Sauce despite its lack of much personality or atmosphere and less than ideal downtown location? The ginormous draft wall. Respect the wall, my friends.

#10 Front Porch Pub
Address: 217 Gray St, Houston, TX 77002
Neighborhood: Midtown
How it made the list: You might be getting some sushi at Fish or a crepe at Coco's, but when hanging out in the increasingly swanky Midtown, this small old house-like pub across from low rise mixed development condos just feels right. The forty something taps are nothing to sneeze at either.

#9 McGonigel's Mucky Duck
Address: 2425 Norfolk St, Houston, TX 77098
Neighborhood: Upper Kirby
How it made the list: It would be quite an exaggeration to say the Mucky Duck is a hidden gem, but this stellar live music venue is probably underrated as a great beer bar. The tap list is impressive, and when it is not packed during a concert, the Mucky Duck feels like a comfortable neighborhood joint.

#8 Onion Creek Coffee House
Address: 3106 White Oak Dr, Houston, TX 77007
Neighborhood: The Heights
How it made the list: This Heights hangout combines a coffeehouse, lounge, and bar with a neighborhood atmosphere. A previous "Best Coffee House" winner from the Houston Press, O.C. also has loads of beer options (both bottles and drafts). The menu also contains several good breakfast and pub food options. For those not sporting a hangie from the night before, this location also hosts the Houston Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings.

#7 Little Woodrows
Address: 2306 Brazos St, Houston, TX 77006
Neighborhood: Midtown (also others)
How it made the list: Little Woodrows has a lot of beers… like 20-30 taps and 100 beers in stock. I find them good for meet up places or large gatherings. The place gets packed, so don't expect to have a nice comfortable beer and a chat with your BFF here. Plus, the atmosphere is kind of reminiscent of a converted warehouse/garage. The Rice Village location, next Ginger Man, is a convenient place to play darts if the boards at Ginger Man are full but you still want a decent beer.

#6 Rudyard's British Pub
Address: 2010 Waugh Dr, Houston, TX 77006
Neighborhood: Montrose
How it made the list: While dubbed a British Pub, this is more of a dive bar and live music venue than a pub. The tap selection is great, including many Texas beers and other crafts. In the back, you'll find a handful of dart boards. Rudyard's has that local feel and is relatively pretentious free… a very good recipe for a great beer bar.

#5 The State Bar & Lounge
Address: 909 Texas St, Houston, TX 77002
Neighborhood: Downtown
How it made the list: Given the hassle of getting to and from downtown and the lack of a concentrated area of rock solid hangout options, I have a bias against most downtown establishments. State Bar is the exception for me. Its classy feel and location inside the Rice Loft mixed development (old Rice Hotel) makes it one of my favorite downtown hangouts. The beer selection is limited, but they usually have a Saint Arnold on draft and both the bar and couch areas *are* the kind of place you would want to bring your BFF (sorry Woodrows).

#4 Stag's Head
Address: 2128 Portsmouth St, Houston, TX 77098
Neighborhood: Upper Kirby
How it made the list: You will be glad you made the effort to locate Stag's Head, which is tucked away in a shopping center and located within the triangular convergence of Shepherd/Greenbriar/Richmond just north of Hwy 59. The British pub succeeds in satisfying the patrons seeking the pub experience, craft beer advocates, and sports fans alike. Although it's been years since I've seen this deal officially offered, they still honor their old post-Astros game free pint deal if you give them your ticket stub. Stag's Head devotes many of their 30-ish taps to craft beers, and they almost always have a cask tapped. The food is quite good too, making this as close to a gastropub as Houston may have.

#3 Petrol Station Coffeehouse
Address: 985 Wakefield Dr, Houston, TX 77018
Neighborhood: Oak Forest
How it made the list: Petrol Station is hands down one of the coolest drinking establishments I've ever been to… anywhere. The bar is located in the middle of a residential area in a converted gas station. A peek at the 14 taps and two cask engines reveals an obvious dedication to providing all high quality American craft beers. Get ready for this folks; there are no Bud/Miller/Coors to be found here. As far as I can tell, the owner runs the place most of the time. Not in the mood for a fermented malty beverage? Petrol Station also has various coffee drinks available, all from coffee beans roasted in house. If I lived or worked nearby it would be easily move up a spot on this list.

#2 Hans' Bier Haus
Address: 2523 Quenby St, Houston, TX 77005
Neighborhood: Rice Village
How it made the list: It is safe to say that the establishments listed inside the top 5 possess all the characteristics of a great place to have a beer. For Hans, atmosphere could be used with either a negative or positive connotation. The structure itself is an unassuming hole in the wall. The bar area is quite small… the air conditioner struggles to provide anything much cooler than the outside air temperature... they have a stack of old board games on a table near the tiny restrooms… and I LOVE IT. The beer selection is outstanding and their impressive draft wall (20-30 taps) lean toward the craft end of the beer spectrum. As much of an inside drinker as I am, I have to admit that Hans' biggest asset is the huge outdoor beer garden. Out back you will find a dog friendly patio bar, a gondola lift car (?), and boccie ball courts. Hans' also frequently hosts live music acts. The quintessential hole in the wall beer bar? Quite possibly.

#1 The Ginger Man
Address: 5607 Morningside, Houston, TX 77005
Neighborhood: Rice Village
How it made the list: Houston is home to the oldest of the Ginger Man family of pubs, and it has a charm that is unmatched by any of their others… or any of their peers. Serving beer since 1985, this Rice Village pub was a favorite of Michael Jackson, and not the "hee hee" Michael, the world-renowned beer expert Michael. Inside you will find a dark wood filled setting with low ceilings and old bottles, cans, and beer paraphernalia decorated about. Outside you will find a great beer garden in the back and patio with picnic tables in the front. I've never counted tap handles, but there must be somewhere between 50-75 draft beers available, with many more options available by bottle. It is hard to say whether The Ginger Man has defined what a beer pub should be or just provides the finest example.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Not every good beer hangout could make the list, so we have added a few honorable mentions that were under consideration, but missed the cut.

Boondoggles - Clear Lake area. Taps galore.

Brewery Tap - Downtown location. "Cool" location (used to be a tap room for the old Magnolia brewery)

Catbird's - Interesting, low key, Montrose area bar

Washington Ave Drinkery - Owned by The Corkscrew guys (who distribute my favorite weekly email newsletter), so it has to be good.

McElroy's Pub - A good bar, but missed the list because there was only so much room for Irish/British/Scottish pubs, and it is not as distinguishing as the others. Sister pub State Bar is on the list, so no harm no foul.

Kelvin Arms - You can lounge in an actual bank vault here, but being a Scottish bar and having been served stale beer on a few occasions kept this off the list.

The 2009 Kolache Factory Invitational Tournament – Round 3 (Semifinals)

2009-08-19T15:00:00.014-05:00

Can Cherry give Italian Chicken the boot? Will Jalapeño Popper say buenos noches to Potato Egg and Cheese? It is Round 3 of the Inaugural Kolache Factory Invitational Tournament time!

In spite of unfavorable weather conditions (better known as any unconditioned space in the middle of the summer in Houston), Round 3 of the 2009 Kolache Factory Invitational Tournament went down last Thursday evening.

In case you missed Round 1 and Round 2, below is a rundown of the kolaches in the semifinals:

Meat Regional Winner: (2) Italian Chicken
This undersized poultry concoction narrowly edged BBQ Beef in the opener and cruised past a Pepperoni & Mushroom that still had a hangover from its grand upset of Sausage & Cheese.

Fruit Regional Winner: (1) Cherry
The announcement of Cherry as a #1 seed in the Fruit Region was not without controversy. I reported that the fruit was overrated, but Cherry proved me wrong by thwarting a strong effort by Apple and handling the sweet goo attack of Lemon.

Breakfast Regional Winner: (1) Potato Egg & Cheese
The mammoth starch-in-starch breakfast beast sent Sausage & Gravy packing and held off the unorthodox Ham & Cheese to claim the Breakfast Region title. Some have contended that it benefited from not having to face a kolache that packed bacon in its arsenal, but I can assure you the P-E-C is the real deal potato peel.

Border Regional Winner: (2) Jalapeño Popper
It was a pre-tourney Cinderella pick. It was the inspiration of this tournament. It isn’t even on the menu anymore. With all that hype, would Jalapeño Popper show up for the tournament against the best Kolache Factory has to offer? Just ask Philly Cheesesteak and Ranchero. These are two tough competitors. But when they met the Popper… boom goes the dynamite.

As with the previous rounds, new predetermined judging criteria will be introduced for this round. Once again, the round will be scored, and the highest scoring kolache in the matchup will advance. The scoring categories are detailed below.

Speed Eating (a.k.a. how fast can one be eaten) – In case you missed the breaking news on TheFerm.org’s Twitter feed, I was selected to compete in the International Federation of Competitive Eating’s Kolache Factory World Kolache Eating Championship. The event will be held in Houston, TX at Minute Maid Park after the September 4th Astros v. Phillies game. This criterion was actually selected for the semifinals before I knew I would be competing. While I will no doubt practice a few times before September 4th, dipping and cramming was not allowed in this round of the KFIT... needless to say, this is a tournament that celebrates the looks, textures, and flavors of the kolache. Joey Chestnut is a competitive eating living legend, but I'm guessing he wasn't enjoying the flavor complexities of the 56 Sausage & Cheese kolaches he downed in the previous Kolache Eating Championship.

Total available points = [ Sum Eating Time (3 judges) / Minimum of the Summed Eating Times (3 judges) ] x 10 = 10 pts max (scores rounded down to the nearest whole number)
Taste – No fancy math or rules here… each kolache will be scored based on overall flavor.

Total available points = 5 pts x 3 judges = 15 pts max

The Saint Arnold Brewery ~~unknowingly~~ played host to the KFIT Semifinals (well, Brock did stop by to ask what the heck we were doing with all those kolaches). The rather conspicuous Speed Eating portion was performed first.

Since this round is a time trial and not a head-to-head battle, we drew individual eating slots from a hat before the competition. Obviously the 3rd and 4th kolaches had a distinct disadvantage in this portion of the competition, but that is the luck of the draw, so to speak. The lineup was drawn as follows:

Cherry
Jalapeño Popper
Potato Egg & Cheese
Italian Chicken

I brought my Flip Mino HD along and we documented the event. Enjoy our video presentation of the Speed Eating portion of the competition.

Video Link

The Matchup: 2) Italian Chicken vs. 1) Cherry

Speed Eating:
Cherry acquired the top eating slot through the draw, which turned out to be a blessing and a curse. Clearly the judges, having not eaten since lunch, were hungry and ready to go all “dessert first” on this kolache. However, being inexperienced speed eaters, overzealous bites and the sticky goo slowed the disposal of the Cherry filled kolache. A surprise hidden pit in my kolache also caused a temporary pause in my consumption. Italian Chicken drew the last spot eating spot. I’ll be honest, none of the judges were enthusiastic about taking down a 4th kolache, making it’s matchup against a kolache in the one hole even more unlucky. As a petite as less sticky kolache, Italian Chicken could have maybe taken the top score. Given the circumstances, it still performed quite well.

SCORE:
Italian Chicken, 293 seconds, 10/(293/229) = 7.8 = 7
Cherry, 229 seconds, 10/(229/229) = 10

Taste:
When people think of Cherry, they think cherry pie. The cherry filling used by Kolache Factory is quite tasty and is very reminiscent of pie filling. However, I also think you have to go into this not thinking you are getting a cherry filled donut. Kolaches are breadier… or is it more breadiest. The judges liked the filling, but Cherry took a little score hit for overall kolache flavor. Italian Chicken is a small kolache with an inconspicuous filling (not colorful at all). But don’t turn your back on the Chicken. This little guy is bursting with cheesy, chicken’y, herb’y flavors. "Outstanding," noted one of the judges. "Fugetaboudit," responded Italian Chicken.

SCORE:
Italian Chicken, 11
Cherry, 7

FINAL SCORE:
Cherry had speed on its side Thursday night. But speed was not quite enough to overcome Italian Chicken’s mysterious tasty goodness.

Italian Chicken, 18
Cherry, 17

The Matchup: 1) Potato Egg & Cheese vs. 2) Jalapeño Popper

Speed Eating:
The Popper drew a fortunate eating spot. The 2 spot catches the eaters with a little more experience and while they are still a little hungry. The judges found The Popper to be a little sticky in the mouth with all that cream cheese. The bacon pieces couldn’t be chewed, so they just had to ride down the hatch with the bread of cheese filling. Just a post eating note, none of the judges noticed any spiciness from the jalapeños... until several minutes after the kolache was gone. P-E-C is like an offensive lineman competing in a 200m dash. Conquering the beast, er P-E-C, was a challenge. I used the break up and attack method, while the other judges used a conservative biting method. All the judges passed the 2 minute mark eating this one. Ugh.

SCORE:
Potato Egg & Cheese, 430 seconds, 10/(430/229) = 5.3 = 5
Jalapeño Popper, 253 seconds, 10/(253/229) = 9.05 = 9

Taste:
On the surface, Potato Egg & Cheese is a simple breakfast concoction. However, a peek inside reveals south of the border influences. Jalapeño Popper once again finds itself in another border battle, but it is a battle tested kolache. Judges noted its near perfect blend of flavor and spiciness. The Popper’s use of bacon tops any other bacon combination at Kolache Factory. Potato Egg & Cheese delivered in the favor category as well. Judges lauded the overall taste, noting the uncredited ingredients really contribute favorably to the kolache. But was this the border clash it was billed to be? "I didn’t see this as a border inspired food issue," The Popper insisted. "P-E-C may have wanted to stir up some emotion, but we just do our thing. We let our bacon hypnotize you while the jalapeños score on you at will." When asked if the P-E-C’s southwestern influences created any confusion, The Popper responded "I grew up with eggs, potatoes, cheese, tomatoes, onions… all of them. Heck, I had potatoes and ranchero eggs for breakfast!"

SCORE:
Potato Egg & Cheese, 13
Jalapeño Popper, 13

FINAL SCORE:
Someone was bound to catch Potato Egg & Cheese. It won the Breakfast Regional on a coin toss and tied the taste portion of this Semifinals. Unfortunately the reason why I often pick the P-E-C up for breakfast ended up being the reason why it lost in the tournament: size.

Potato Egg & Cheese, 18
Jalapeño Popper, 22

The results mark the second numerical upset, with both #1 seeds falling to #2 seeds in this semifinal round.

The 2009 Kolache Factory Invitational Tournament Finals

Both Italian Chicken and Jalapeño Popper will travel to (what someday may be) a kolache’s most hallowed grounds. On September 5th, 2009, the KFIT finalists will head to Austin, TX to battle during a tailgate for the beginning of the college football season at The University of Texas. The competition will once again involve taste and will include a Saint Arnold beer pairing category.

"This is great exposure for our kind," noted Jalapeño Popper. "We feel right at home with tailgates and beer. Maybe this will put us on the map… or menu."

"We certainly have a lot of respect for this tournament and our competitor," Italian Chicken added. "Our pals Vito and Big Poultry are already heading to Austin to learn a thing or two about a thing or two regarding the finals venue. I’m not saying we have this in the bag, but I’m just saying."

The 2009 Kolache Factory Invitational Tournament – Round 2 (Regional Finals)

2009-08-02T23:16:00.005-05:00

To kick off Round 2, I decided to do a Google search to see what other mock-serious brackets could be found on the interwebs. I found meat brackets, fruit brackets, and even sports uniform brackets… just to name a few. But a kolache tourney? Folks, I think we are breaking new ground here at The Ferm. Maybe this will land us in that "Final Four of Everything" book... or an honorary spot in the upcoming I.F.O.C. Kolache Factory World Kolache Eating Championship (how hard can it be to beat Smackoff Champ Sean Pendergast's seven kolaches?)… or maybe just a free kolache. A guy can dream...

Round 1 featured judging criteria analogous to a qualification round... kind of like the NFL compound (link to Round 1). The kolaches were graded based on performance, but looks were very important. To avoid being repetitive in my analysis and the monotonous write-up that would follow, I will be mixing in new judging categories for each round. Unlike the previous categories, Round 2 will be scored numerically and will be based on the following categories:

Eatability – No, not exactly the same as that campaign for the pale fizzy stuff The Man tried to sell you by convincing you his product was in fact, drinkable. One of the things that make kolaches great is that you can eat them on the go. This category will measure the neatness of the kolache while it is eaten. A score of 0-3 will be assigned.
Total available points = 3 pts x 2 judges = 6 pts max
Taste – Each kolache will be scored based on overall flavor… pretty straightforward.
Total available points = 5 pts x 2 judges = 10 pts max
Value – Let's face it, in this economy, value matters. The value category will be determined by taking the total score in the Taste category and dividing it by the price of the kolache. The kolache with the higher Taste Points per Dollar in the matchup will get 2 points. (after you've read the matchups below, check out a graph of the results... yo, I said after)

For each matchup, the highest scoring kolache will move on the KFIT Semifinals.

Welcome to the Regional Finals! Which kolache will reign supreme?

As in Round 1, the matchups will be recapped below as they are completed, with the newest appearing at the top. Check back often or follow The Ferm's twitter feed for updates. Click below to enlarge the current bracket.
(updated 8/2/09 11:16 PM)

Before we get started, I'd like to give some shout outs. Thanks to Mr. Smokeypants' brother-in-law for the Eatability category suggestion. Thanks to J. R. Ewing for unknowingly inspiring the Value judging category with his under appreciated Minute Maid Shenanigans posts on the inexplicable value discrepancies in beer prices throughout the ball park. Huge props to Marco at the 10455 Briar Forest store, who politely took my big list of kolaches last Friday and filled it without a question or cross look... despite it being 6:15 in the morning. And finally, thanks to the Kolache Factory Twitter dude, who is aware of this project and hasn't shut it down yet.

Meat Regional Final: 2) Italian Chicken vs. 4) Pepperoni & Mushroom

How They Got Here:
Italian Chicken edged BBQ Beef in the equivalent of a double OT win. But Italian Chicken’s win pales in comparison to Pepperoni & Mushroom’s shocking defeat of #1 overall seed Sausage & Cheese.

Eatability (0-6 pts):
Italian Chicken has enough cheese to hold the chicken together. Pepperoni & Mushroom, seemingly still riding the high from its improbable defeat of Sausage & Cheese, showed up for this matchup with almost no filling. On the positive side, the lack of filling increased its score for Eatability. However, a single spill from the Pepperoni & Mushroom would mean grease stain city, my friends.

SCORE:
Italian Chicken, 4
Pepperoni & Mushroom, 4

Taste (0-10 pts):
In what could only be described as coming out flat after the emotional high of a tough victory, both kolaches under-performed in this matchup. In my opinion, the Italian Chicken and the Pepperoni & Mushroom that showed up today would have lost in the 1st round in this form. But in a single elimination tournament, only the current game matters. Italian Chicken was still relatively strong and only a little drier than previously. Pepperoni & Mushroom left the judges wondering where the pizza was today (see Round 1 photo).

SCORE:
Italian Chicken, 7
Pepperoni & Mushroom, 5

Value (2pts to winner):
Italian Chicken, 7 / $1.65 = 4.24 taste pts/$ (+2 bonus pts)
Pepperoni & Mushroom, 5 / $1.55 = 3.23 taste pts/$

FINAL SCORE:
Italian Chicken 13
Pepperoni & Mushroom 9

Fruit Regional Final: 1) Cherry vs. 3) Lemon

How They Got Here:
Its #1 seeding in the Fruit Regional was controversial, but Cherry backed up the pre-tourney grade with a win over the formidable Apple. Lemon advanced by out goo-ing the competition in somewhat of an apathetic battle with Cream Cheese.

Eatability (0-6 pts):
Each kolache was easy to hold, but the bite that breaks the goo-containment wall was the most telling. Cherry’s goo was a little less viscous than that of Lemon’s (Judge's note: goo viscosity assessed after 30 seconds in microwave).

SCORE:
Cherry, 4
Lemon, 3

Taste (0-10 pts):
Cherry brought its A-game for the Fruit Regional Finals. It was tart and packed with cherries, unlike the 3 ½ fruit pieces for the Apple matchup. Lemon was good, but it was surprisingly less tart than Cherry… something the judges weren’t too sweet on.

SCORE:
Cherry, 8
Lemon, 5

Value (2pts to winner):
The bonus points are gimmes in this matchup. All the fruit kolaches are the same price.
Cherry, 8 / $0.99 = 8.08 taste pts/$ (+2 bonus pts)
Lemon, 5 / $0.99 = 5.05 taste pts/$

FINAL SCORE:
Cherry 14
Lemon 8

Breakfast Regional Final: 1) Potato Egg & Cheese vs. 3) Ham & Cheese

How They Got Here:
P-E-C cruised to the Regional Finals by outmatching Sausage & Gravy, which is like the Morehead State of Kolaches. Not that there is anything wrong with Kentucky universities, but P-E-C is no mid-major. Ham & Cheese pulled off somewhat of an upset by defeating an egg kolache in the Breakfast Regional... and one with bacon!

Eatability (0-6 pts):
One of my favorite things about P-E-C is its biggest disadvantage in the Eatability category: it is huge and stuffed with ingredients. Being big makes P-E-C great for hungry kolache customers and also those with giant hands. If only I had giant hands I may be playing professional ball right now instead of blogging about kolaches (being 5’7” is a bit of a hindrance as well). H&C is like the Spud Webb of kolaches. This kolache is heavy on the ham bits and light on the cheese, so the ham does have the ability to free itself from the confines of the bread. (WARNING: If a tiny ham bit ever jumps out of the kolache and happens to fall inside your shirt, have someone film the ensuing dance. It’ll start a new craze… or at least be a popular YouTube video.)

SCORE:
Potato Egg & Cheese, 3
Ham & Cheese, 3

Taste (0-10 pts):
The tasting notes on these kolaches are similar to that of the 1st round. I’m not sure why P-E-C has peppers and tomatoes in it, but I like it. This is a tasty kolache that is somewhat “border” inspired. As for H&C, the use of a white cheese (Swiss?) is not what I would expect, but it tastes good. I only wish there was a little more cheesiness in the H&C.

SCORE:
Potato Egg & Cheese, 9
Ham & Cheese, 7

Value (2pts to winner):
P-E-C get the Meal-in-One pricing, while H&C is kind of a bargain priced meat kolache.
Potato Egg & Cheese, 9 / $2.09 = 4.31 taste pts/$
Ham & Cheese, 7 / $1.29 = 5.43 taste pts/$ (+2 bonus pts)

FINAL SCORE:
Potato Egg & Cheese 12
Ham & Cheese 12

Crap! I did not have a backup plan for a tie, so in the spirit of competition, I chose the most powerful resolution criteria ever invented. Nope... not Rock/Paper/Scissors... a coin toss.
P-E-C, being the higher seed, was assigned heads. And the winner is...

P-E-C takes its place on the stand.

Border Regional Final: 1) Ranchero vs. 2) Jalapeño Popper

How They Got Here:
Ranchero ran through the first round by taming the not-for-the-sensitive-stomached Jalapeño & Cheese. July’s Kolache of the Month, Jalapeño Popper, frazzled the frizzled steak of Philly Cheese Steak to start its magical run to the championship.

Eatability (0-6 pts):
Egg kolaches have an inherent disadvantage in the eatability category, and the Ranchero is no different. The scrambled eggs don’t seem to be cooked with the other ingredients, so everything tends to want to follow the Newton’s laws of gravity. Inside the Popper, the bacon and jalapeños use teammate cream cheese to bond.

Hey, it's a kolache tourney, not a photography contest

SCORE:
Ranchero, 4
Jalapeño Popper, 6

Taste (0-10 pts):
The Ranchero is like a Mexican breakfast in your mouth… but with like, ham. The Jalapeño Popper is like heaven in your mouth. Bacon and cream cheese just go together like the sun and the sea or like bees and honey. Mix in some jalapeño and it’s like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong. I’m not sure what the addition of bacon would do to Ranchero, but in its current form, the ham just doesn’t do it for the judges.

SCORE:
Ranchero, 6
Jalapeño Popper, 9

Value (2pts to winner):
The Popper is a “Kolache of the Month,” so I don’t know if that status comes with special pricing, but the rules are the rules.
Ranchero, 6 / $2.09 = 2.87 taste pts/$
Jalapeño Popper, 9 / $1.69 = 5.33 taste pts/$ (+2 bonus pts)

FINAL SCORE:
Ranchero 10
Jalapeño Popper 17