The Davenport Diaries

Poppy's Happy Anniversary to the Davenports

noreply@blogger.com (Emmett Davenport) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:01:00 +0000

Hello, my sweet little steampunks! This is Poppy Meriwether, the clockwork assistant for the Davenport Sisters. As this is their 4 Year Anniversary, my employers have asked me to put together a little audio retrospective for them. Lemme tell ya honey, stroking the ego of spinster sister deejays was NOT part of the job description when I applied for this internship. But you know what they say, all work is a humiliation of the spirit. It’s what separates us from the animals. Or something like that.

So, ready to dish a little dirt? I thought so. Me too. I knew I liked you lovelies for a reason. I’ll go alphabetically, because if we don’t employ some sort of logically linear system, the eldest Davenport’s heart may literally explode. As you longtime listeners probably already know, dour little Emmett Davenport used to be a librarian. And once a librarian, always an anal retentive, control freak, pain in my bustle. Apparently. When she sends me out to the store for her--also not in my job description--she has me arrange the groceries first by food group, then alphabetically, and then by metric weight. I don’t know metric, honey! I was raised a Methodist. And don’t even get me started on her library. The dust bunnies in there are arranged according to the Library of Congress classification system. No wonder the only man she can attract is an escaped mental patient.

Moving on, let’s talk about the wild child of the Davenports, Mingan. (Yes, I know I said I was going to go alphabetically, but I’ve always wanted to know if I could kill an old lady with just the power of my words.) Mingan was raised by wolves, or bears, or natives, or bikers, or some other such nonsense, and let me tell you, sweeties, you can TELL. You should see the company she keeps. Two words: circus people. CIRCUS. PEOPLE. And don’t get me started on her diet. I won’t even pick up “groceries” for her any more. Not after the last time. I had to go into... nature to get some of the things on her list. And good GOD does she get excited if you pick up the wrong thing. “Poppy, these mushrooms are poisonous.” Like I can tell the difference between moss and lichen. No civilized person can. And, it doesn’t matter WHAT those Martha Stewart types tell you, mud does not come out of satin pumps. It just doesn’t.

I saved the Davenport that I get along with the best for last, Klaude. Oh sure, there are some that insist that I only get along with her because we’ve never actually spent any time together. Oh, honey. That is just so true. She’s off scouting the world trying to find lost Davenport sisters. And, I have to tell ya, I’m not sure they sent the right woman for this job. She’s a little scary. She has this cavalcade of horrors in her workshop: bee cannons, 20 foot high clockwork automaton kitty cats that shoot fire from their eyes, Tesla coils that arc lightning in a variety of colors, GREASE STAINS EVERYWHERE. I can’t imagine why these lost sisters would make themselves scarce when wild-eyed, dirt-smudged Klaude comes knocking.

Let me tell you another thing. They are not as well-off as they like to make it seem. Not that I’m surprised. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why anyone with an ounce of sense would EVER believe they have wealth or breeding. Really, an inheritance is all well and good, but once you start advertising you have one, and then in the same breath, start talking about your 500 lost sisters? Well, you may not be able to find the missing Davenports, but their lawyers can sure find you. Honestly, it’s a little worrying, because there’s only one thing worse than having a mundane job, sweeties, and that’s going out and searching for a new one. It’s a waste of my valuable drinking time!

So, if you’ve suffered a massive head injury or just really hate fun, and you like the show, drop them a donation on their website, clockworkcabaret.com. Little antisocial darlings will probably start joyously weeping into their cups of tea and bowls of granola and sticks. It’s also a good way to make sure lovely clockwork assistants like myself have enough money for martini olives. No one wants me running out of martini olives.

On Air Tonight - Monday November 28th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 14:29:00 +0000

Greetings to you all! Tonight we return to the airwaves on WCOM 103.5 FM Carrboro/Chapel Hill for the last time! Remember as of next week, we'll be only available as a podcast.

Tonight! Stream us live starting at 11pm!
Tomorrow evening! Download our podcast!
Rest of the week! Wait for next show with bated breath!

Listen LIVE: http://www.wcomfm.org
Download: http://clockworkcabaret.podbean.com
Bookmark: http://www.clockworkcabaret.com
Follow: http://www.twitter.com/clockwrkcabaret
Befriend: http://www.facebook.com/theclockworkcabaret

On Air Tonight - Monday November 21st, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 13:10:00 +0000

Greetings to you all! Tonight we return to the airwaves on WCOM 103.5 FM Carrboro/Chapel Hill!

Tonight! Stream us live starting at 11pm!
Tomorrow evening! Download our podcast!
Rest of the week! Wait for next show with bated breath!

Listen LIVE: http://www.wcomfm.org
Download: http://clockworkcabaret.podbean.com
Bookmark: http://www.clockworkcabaret.com
Follow: http://www.twitter.com/clockwrkcabaret
Befriend: http://www.facebook.com/theclockworkcabaret

On Air Tonight - Monday November 14th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 12:38:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday November 7th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 12:32:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday October 31st, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 12:00:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday October 24th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 12:38:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday October 17th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:08:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday October 10th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 12:59:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday October 3rd, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:22:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday September 26th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:38:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday September 19th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 13:15:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday September 12th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 12:04:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday August 29th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 13:46:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday August 22nd, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 16:15:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday August 15th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 12:39:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday August 8th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 13:04:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday August 1st, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 14:47:00 +0000

On Air Tonight - Monday July 25th, 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:28:00 +0000

On Air Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:34:00 +0000

On Air Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 18:22:00 +0000

On Air Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 16:21:00 +0000

On Air Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 13:30:00 +0000

On Air Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 11:59:00 +0000

On Air Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (The Davenports) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 11:22:00 +0000