The Daily Comics Review

Are you pleased?

2009-11-06T17:51:00.000-08:00

Friday comes once again, and so does your daily comics reviews/commentary/whatever. You should probably be pleased.

Beetle Bailey, 11/6/09

Wouldn't that just make it one long tunnel? Or, perhaps, he sees another tunnel in the distance? In which case there would be light, but-

Oh, look at that. I used up my daily allocation of thinking about "Beetle Bailey" already. Onwards, then.

Family Circus, 11/6/09

And no one ever missed him, ever.

Gasoline Alley, 11/6/09

The third panel describes every single "Gasoline Alley" strip ever made.

The Quigmans, 11/6/09

Why would you take a date who has no mouth to a restaurant? That's very insensitive. And wouldn't your date not having a mouth actually limit the potential of further dates? Not to mention the whole fact that she's a cat with a giant head

W. T. Duck, 11/6/09

The joke here is one of two things:
1) The gray duck has never kissed anyone.
2) Ducks can't kiss.

Then again, it could be both things, which means that W. T. Duck is today's best-value comic. Congratulations, W. T. Duck, for winning such a dubious honor!

The Other Half is Lasers

2009-11-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

When Bryce comes back, I'll continue to do Thursdays and Fridays, as well as bandwidth-killing holiday specials. When xy returns as well, I don't know what I'll be doing. Probably the Thursday/Friday/holiday thing, I'm guessing.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/5/09

They both have the same face. In fact, the only one in the family who doesn't have that exact same face is Jughead (Jughaid?). However, Mama Smif is right: it's not a pretty face.

Rhymes with Orange, 11/5/09

She would have known that if either of them played "Dungeons and Dragons" at all.

Zits, 11/5/09

When I "woke up" today (I never really went to sleep) I sort of felt like today was going to be Lovecraftian in its awfulness. This quickly proved to be the case, and I consider seeing Jeremy and his girlfriend done up as "Love Is..."-esque characters the visual representation of how bad my day has been so far.

Pluggers, 11/5/09

Today, "Pluggers" subtly makes the claim that Adam and Eve were Pluggers, meaning that creationists believe that everyone is a Plugger. Also, what the heck is up with her right foot? Is she lifting it up, or did it get cut off somehow and is now just a somehow pointy stump? Bizarre.

Knowing Is Half The Battle

2009-11-04T13:32:00.000-08:00

Exciting news today! You remember Bryce, right? The guy that started this blog and did mostly daily updates for better than a year? But since May has been stuck in the horribleness that is Real Life? You remember him right? You should, unless you just started reading this blog since May.

Anyway, he's coming back on Monday! That's right, my 6 month reign of terror is nearly over. And when it ends I will be taking a break for the rest of November. You might still find me around the internet, but you won't be seeing me here until the 2nd of December. And when I do return, I shall be resuming my former job as Saturday poster and Thursday comic strip news updates. Also, I will be doing Wednesday posts. I haven't heard what Mike P is doing yet, I'm sure he'll tell you tomorrow.

My Cage 11/4/09

Those really aren't that obscure. I didn't watch either of those cartoons and I still understand the references. Why not make a reference to GI Joe while you're at it. And The Smurfs too, nobody know what that is. If they wanted something that only a small number of people would understand they should have gone with a comic book reference.

Safe Havens 11/4/09

Ah yes, a joke about the seahorse's odd reproductive cycle. As we all have heard, the male seahorse takes the eggs from the female, fertilizes them, and carries them until they hatch. Why this is done is a mystery, but it does happen. That said, it doesn't really work when you take that framework and put a species that doesn't reproduce via eggs on top of it. For this joke to work, the male would have either need to have both sets of genitalia or the embryo would need to pass out of the female and into wherever the male is keeping it. As anyone that knows about the human reproductive cycle works already understands, this would be impossible because the embryo needs to implant in the uterus soon after fertilization or it will die. Of course these aren't humans, but since we don't actually know anything about them we shall assume they are most like the species they are currently emulating, humans. All of this means that the joke is unfunny and should never be attempted again without further definition of the species the joke is about or further definition of how the embryo came to be in the male.

Bliss 11/4/09

This one's a two parter:

Part one:
Commentary -

Why not go the opposite way? If paper beats rock and rock beats scissors, why can't paper beat scissors? Or would that example not work because it's obvious why paper can't beat scissors?

Bliss: 0
xy: 1

Part two:
Recaptioned -

"Because, you little smart-ass, if rock beats paper then there would be no game and your mother and I would have gone through with the abortion. Now go mow the lawn before my rock beats your face."

The Argyle Sweater 11/4/09

They should have had a boombox playing "Somebody's watching me" by Rockwell. It would have made the scene that much better.

Do You Know Where Your Pants Are Right Now?

2009-11-03T13:41:00.000-08:00

(Edited to change the post title. Proofreading is important kids.)

Tuesday is here once again and that means it must be one day until Wednesday. Unless you mean the Wednesday 3 weeks from know, then it doesn't.

Also, it's election day! It may not be a super important one, but voting for your local council members and any levies/propositions is still a good idea lest the government try to pull something on you.

Brewster Rockit 11/3/09

Who here can say they haven't had an out-pants-experience. I know I've had several of them. Right around the time I started this new medication I got from my local pharmacy. It's not a regular pharmacy that you might see in a grocery store. It's in an alleyway. I go there because it's really cheap and they don't ask a lot of questions. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the best kinds of experiences are out-of-pants experiences because they're just like regular experiences but without pants.

Dog Eat Doug 11/3/09

You know a concept has jumped the shark when it's used by a dog in a comic strip. It's not as bad as when it's used by a cat in a comic strip, but it's pretty close.

At least the dog didn't say 'EPIC FAIL.'

Red and Rover 11/3/09

Red's mom should be more worried that he's having full conversations with the dog. I know I get scared whenever I see somebody talking to an animal as if it were talking back. Good thing that mostly happens when I visits the asylum.

The Flying McCoys 11/3/09

That clown really seems to be enjoying the way the doctor is cupping his ass.

The Express Stops Here

2009-11-02T12:59:00.000-08:00

Remember, remember the second of November.

Oh wait, that's a few days away and I'm not English. Well, it is a good idea to remember that it's the second day of November. Only 52 more shopping days until Christmas.

Adam@Home 11/2/09

1. There were likely no beans involved in the making of the coffee Adam is talking about. I mean, they were beans at one point but they were ground and packaged long before they got to Adam.

2. Why would a boss limit your coffee intake? Unless you work at a coffee shop and are drinking all the coffee that's supposed to be for the customers I don't see a problem. Maybe he was peeing all the time from so much liquid stimulant.

Broom Hilda 11/2/09

How the hell do you mess that up? Everybody that understands English knows that express means fast. In order to be fast, you can't be stopping all the time.

Maybe English is her second language. I wonder what her first is?

It's All About You 11/2/09

The tortured logic of an asshole is truly a wonder to behold.

Why doesn't he Facebook or Twitter his sister? Then he could ignore her all the time instead of just when she calls.

Close to Home 11/2/09

This joke is as old as the mattress and as false as the statement "Sarah Palin is a smart person."

I've never understood why this joke is supposed to be funny. I guess it's always fun to laugh at gullible people.

By the way, do you want to buy a bridge?

Halloween SPOOKTACULAR

2009-10-30T13:57:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow's Halloween, and unlike every other holiday (except Earth Day, for some odd reason) the comics page is really getting into it. Therefore, please enjoy these Halloween-themed strips which are a day early and many in number. Oh god, this is going to be terrible:

Six Chix, 10/30/09

Six Chix has been into it all week, pretty much. Today they make clear their intent to kill us all, by any means possible. It's quite Halloween, with the ghosts and graveyard and vampire and whatnot. And an animate skeleton, which is a creature I simply just don't like.

Bizarro, 10/30/09

Bizarro is going for a more literary bent, but why would he need to go under the knife to get an iPod? Is it because he has no ears? If he has no ears, does that mean the Headless Horseman communicates through sign language? These mysteries plague me.

Crankshaft, 10/30/09

Crankshaft is also getting into the spirit, which isn't that far-fetched due to the fact that he's a demonic entity.

Deflocked, 10/30/09

This joke, likewise, has been long in coming. Really, there's only one possible way for a pinata storyline in a comic strip to end, and this is it.

Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, 10/30/09

Dexter would have made a better dragon costume. I do like the cat costume, though.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/30/09

No one would give out ice cream on Halloween.

Mutts, 10/30/09

Like many of these strips, Mutts has been doing this for a week or so already. It's been a typical Mutts storyline.

Retail, 10/30/09

I made my thoughts on this strip clear yesterday. I still really like how accurate this Marvin is.

Rhymes with Orange, 10/30/09

I like this view of Halloween. Except the last panel... that's sort of weird. But everything else is sort of neat.

Safe Havens, 10/30/09

Safe Havens managed to blend one of their ongoing storylines with the Halloween theme, so more power to them. Is it a normal thing for a bunch of people in costumes to just show up at a restaurant, though?

Sally Forth, 10/30/09

Ted Forth has the right idea. He looks sort of like Marty McFly, though.

Todd the Dinosaur, 10/30/09

Why would you wear braids with a viking costume, anyway? I've never seen a viking with braids.

Zits, 10/30/09

This is pretty disturbing right here, folks. More so, how is Jeremy not a zombie? If his parents were zombies when he was conceived, then... I don't think zombies can bear children. And if they were turned after, then why didn't they eat him? The logistics of this are all out of whack.

Birdbrains, 10/30/09

I have nothing to say about this one. Look at its Halloween-ness.

Cul de Sac, 10/30/09

I want to see what's in that haunted house. Also, Abe Lincoln's hat is fantastic.

Close to Home, 10/30/09

They even got the dog! MONSTERS!

Cleats, 10/30/09

Friggin' Cleats.

Dog Eat Doug, 10/30/09

Holy god, what's in that pumpkin? Is it a demon? IS IT CRANKSHAFT?

Scary Gary, 10/30/09

Xenomorphs have no eyes. Grasping at straws, I know.

The Doozies, 10/30/09

...what the heck is wrong with that guy?

The Duplex, 10/30/09

The size of those dogs' snouts plus the size of the toilet bowl mean that there's absolutely no way in hell any of them, other than that bulldog, could get an apple.

Flying McCoys, 10/30/09

People don't give apples anymore, due to razorblades. Nor do they give out unwrapped popcorn balls. And I know no children who would prefer either to any sort of Snickers bar.

Garfield, 10/30/09

Vampires want blood, not necks, but I give this particular installment of Garfield points for trying.

Heart of the City, 10/30/09

Why would Heart dress as Dean in a wedding dress? That's weird. The elf ears and fangs are a nice touch, though. They pull the whole ensemble together.

Lio, 10/30/09

Lio is one of those strips where any random installment could be used for Halloween, but the egg-throwing hooligans push it over the edge.

La Cucaracha, 10/30/09

Friggin' animate skeletons! Also, I guess this is a Day of the Dead strip more than a Halloween strip, but Day of the Dead is sort of like a Mexican Halloween. (Not the sexual position.)

Mythtickle, 10/30/09

segwegwe

Real Life Adventures, 10/30/09

Looks like Daddy Vorhees is going to be carving up more than a pumpkin, little girl.

The Argyle Sweater, 10/30/09

Why is Frankenstein and the others even at a daycare? Does he own the daycare?

Tiny Sepuku, 10/30/09

Poor Blacula. At least he has the advantage of having Jefferson Twilight hunt him.

Bound and Gagged, 10/30/09

It's supposed to be funny because vampires have no reflection. I know, it's just side-splitting.

Home and Away, 10/30/09

Why would they both show up as bears? Couldn't they make one a raccoon or something? Seriously.

Red and Rover, 10/30/09

The fifth horseman is Chaos, according to Terry Pratchett, at least. I'm more willing to lis

Yenny, 10/30/09

Having sponsors for a party is actually a pretty good idea.

Bleeker the Rechargeable Dog, 10/30/09

And so Karl is smashed. Poor Karl.

W. T. Duck, 10/30/09

Yes, I'm quite done. Thank god.

A brain the size of a planet

2009-10-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

Light load today, folks. It's been slim pickings for a little while now, but that just means that when the comics come back we'll have an embarrassment of riches. With that, here's the stuff.

Broom Hilda, 10/29/09

I agree that all traces of Broom Hilda should be erased from the planet, but I do have to wonder how she's breathing and talking in space. Shouldn't she be suffering from asphyxiation or something?

Crankshaft, 10/29/09

I'm going to have to agree with Crankshaft on this one: using anything but candles to light a Jack O'Lantern is just plain wrong. Just look at the man's face in the second panel: what little heart he has left is being broken by his stupid daughter's use of that... abomination to light the pumpkin. I hope he shoves it down her throat.

Retail, 10/29/09

I'm just posting this for the third panel, which features Marvin the Paranoid Android from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". This is something which brings me joy.

Then I Am Not A Man

2009-10-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

Another happy Wednesday to you. Rejoice, for there are only 57 days until Christmas is here.

Chuckle Bros. 10/28/09

I understand that the eggs would be very large, but why is everything else so big? I guess the cart would have to be big enough to carry all the oversized stuff, such as the eggs, but the milk makes no sense. Just because it came from a large animal doesn't mean it has to be in a large container.

And there's no way he will be able to get anything in or out of that cart with some kind of ladder or stool or something.

C'est la Vie 10/28/09

That's what it takes to be a man? I guess I'm not a man then because I've never done that, at least not that I'm aware of. I always though it had something to do with beating/killing another man or sex or having a penis and testicles.

The Amazing Spiderman 10/28/09

From what Google tells me, that little girl is either reading a book about a San Francisco bar or a Polish lager.

I hope it's the Polish lager, it sounds good.

I Could Use Some Help

2009-10-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

You ever have one of those days where you screw everything up? That's been my day.

This one is late because I forgot to hit post when I finished it.

Marvin 10/27/09

1. Marvin is an infant and clearly not capable of using a computer with such ease.

2. All dairy products come from the same source if you go back far enough.

Funky Winkerbean 10/27/09

That cop is being really passive-aggressive. Which is weird, usually cops are just aggressive.
And you'd think he'd be really aggressive since he's forced to appear in Funky Winkerbean. He might as well start shooting because he'll be crippled or catch a rare disease or just plain die soon anyway.

Todd the Dinosaur 10/27/09

Is it really necessary to put HEFTY on the bag? Would anyone be confused if it wasn't there? I'm actually more confused because it is there. Does Todd get a kickback from Hefty? That'd be a weird product placement deal.

9 to 5 10/27/09

theendisnear.com doesn't have any of those things. It's a pretty crappy use of such a great domain name.

Bozo 10/27/09

Bobbing for apples isn't all that fun. I can't imagine it would be anymore fun with the entire future of humanity hanging in the balance. Which would be weird because if you didn't get one humans don't have to leave Paradise and if you did get one we end up with the crappy world we have today. So why would you even try?

DCR Minus Comics

2009-10-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

Monday is here and I now have my own internet connection so there shouldn't be anymore missed posts.

Today is a bit smaller than the norm.

9 to 5 10/26/09

It's amazing that so many cartoonists don't understand that jokes about Twitter aren't funny. It must be because none of them understand how Twitter actually works.

Garfield Minus Garfield 10/26/09

I wouldn't normally comment on something like Garfield Minus Garfield, but this one stood out for me. It stood out because it doesn't seem to change very much with minus Garfield. Jon is still a sad, lonely loser regardless of whether or not Garfield is there to add a snappy line or not. Have all the good ones been done already?