We will be aside 50 other top Portland area restaurants such a Genoa, Tasty and Sons, Beast, Bunk, and Biwa to name a few. We will be serving edamame rice cakes w/ kimchi and char sui pork steam buns. So come early because when they’re gone…there’re gone.

Make sure to say hi to the boke crew which will include Brannon, Tamer, Patrick, and of course, our rock…. Chris K.

BUY TICKETS HERE

Today marks 7……yes, seven years of sobriety. Presently, gratitude isn’t a reward, rather a vision of inner warmth, security, and thank-full-ness. It is an inner response to the gift of gratitude which urges me to strive toward a greater sense of humility and self.

The most amazing aspect of gratitude is the opposite of what I once perceived this gift to be-free. Its not earned, bought, merited or attained it is simply a gift that can be be achieved by acceptance which is easily given away.

I am here today because of others. My will landed my ass in rehab so I know my best thinking is incorrect. My amazing life today is a true gift from others- the loved ones, friends, strangers, and all of the uniquely coincidental moments and serendipitous connections that life has to offer. Having the presence to realize, appreciate, and recognizing how gift-ed I am makes ’7 years’ a very special moment of gratitude.

Notes From The CulinaryAddict:

Yogism from James (my teacher): “Let the space you find in this room lead to perspective in your life.”

Recent 12-step Meeting Quote: “I relate to the statement-Alcohol did absolutely everything and nothing for me at the same time.”

-Boke Bowl has really taken off. We did our first lunch at OBA! in the Pearl District with over 200 folks turning out in the rain. We had such a good time we are going to do it again on March 28th from 11-1:30pm. I believe we are going to take reservations through OBA’s Open Table account. Go to our BLOG for details.

-Also in Boke News we are going to release our logo which was designed and created from two of the more talented folks I’ve run across, Elsa and Tyler Lang from Always with Honor. Check out there stuff and follow them on twitter. So make sure to check us out in a day or two on our blog-twitter-facebook pages SOON!

Kitchen News and Quotes:

-After 2.5 years, a near deportation, 2 lawyers, 35 days in jail, and $7k later Julian got his driver’s license back, however, his car just broke down…but Chris-F-ing-K had it under control. For a mere $40 Chris K got his wrench out and replaced the alternator. I asked Chris if he knew what he was doing and he stated, “I’m a bro-chanic not a mechanic.”

-Jake ‘the line cook’ update- He had to evict his roommate because among other things such as not paying rent for months the dude’s dog ate the entire bathroom door.

In other Jake news when asked what he was going to do with his tax return he stated, “Well, I have feed my snake and take care of his pet ferrat who is ill. If any money is left he is thinking of getting a tattoo of a rooster hanging from a noose below his knee. When asked why he stated “So I can win bets that I have a cock that hangs below my knee.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog): ‘cornbread ice cream’

Band Name of Week: Pork Leather

Present Kitchen Pandora Selection: The Sword

Due to the demand we have offered a ‘Reservation Rewards Program’. If you go to our F-Book Page or HERE (via Eater) and click ‘LIKE’ you will be entered in a drawing to secure 1 of 6 reservation spots (5:30, 7 or 8:30pm). We will announce the winners this Friday.

Here is the tentative menu:

Bokebowl IV

Starters

pickles: assorted seasonal pickled vegetables, ginger-green onion rice, Korean seaweed (serves 2)  7

butternut squash ginger rice cakes with house kimchi 5  add duck confit 2

steam buns (3)

grilled eggplant, pickled mustard sauce 6

char sui pork, cucumber, green onion 6

salad

warm  Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, house tofu, with Thai vinaigrette 7

ramen

ramen choices feature hand made noodles, greens, mushrooms, butternut squash, and roasted water chestnuts

seafood miso broth, olive oil poached shrimp 10

add miso black cod 3

add pork belly 2

add slow poached egg 1.5

pork and chicken broth, slow smoked pulled pork 8.5

add buttermilk fried chicken 3

add pork belly 2

add slow-poached egg 1.5

caramelized fennel broth, Japanese eggplant, butternut squash rice cakes (vegan/gluten free) 8

add miso cod 3

add buttermilk fried chix 3

add pork belly 2

add slow poached egg 1.5

bambino bowl (for kids) – noodles, butternut squash, fresh water chestnuts, choice of shrimp or pork (garnish upon request) 6

*sub gluten free yam noodles 1.5

side of kimchi 1.5

boke twinkies

red velvet with coconut cream and toasted almonds 2

vanilla with miso butterscotch 2

Bokebowl at THE BIJOU CAFE

132 Southwest 3rd Avenue

Portland, OR 97204-2705

(503) 222-3187

Monday 1/31 from 5:30-10pm. See you there!

Notes From the Culinary Addict:

Yogism from James (my teacher): “Put some posture in your posture.”

Recent 12-step Meeting Quote: “I don’t have blood coming out of various holes anymore.”

bokebowl crew for 1/31: FOH: brannon (partner), tim ‘talldaddy’ parsons (go to silentpartnerpdx to see kick ass photos), lizzie (f-runner), senna and bryndl (waitress/runners) as well as 5 waitstaff and bussers from Bijou. BOH: myself, angela (sous), liz (badass/pastrychef/line), kelly (from genoa, expo) chris K (all around go to guy-rental van, packin’, prepin’, cookin’,dishin, cleanin’, and jawin’)

Kitchen Notes/Quotes:

-Chris K made it two weeks in rehab then decided to walk out and catch the bus home. Two weeks is a big deal, I know he’ll figure it out in his own time.

-Jake: “I can say THAT because I’m half Mexican.”

-Heather :”Chef, how old are your balls?”

-Jake: “Chef, my father would never get sober because he’s not a quitter.”

-Jake: ‘Chef my brother is pissed b/c his 14yr old is getting nuddy pictures sent to her from some 17 yr old.”

Me: ‘I believe the term is ‘sexting’, and do you do that to your girlfriend?’

Jake: ‘Yes, but whats your point?’

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason): ‘taco bell sour creme gun’

Band Name of Week: The Center Cut

Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: Conway Twitty

The meeting themselves, however, are the soul of recovery. The ability to listen and relate to others has a unique power of acceptance from the diseased mind. For me, listening to the newcomer talk about his fear and incomprehensible demoralization is an essential part of my recovery. My addict brain, even in recovery, wants to forget about what it was like and only remember the fun times. When I hear someone talking about the darkness it brings me right back to the horrors I experienced. This is why recovery and more importantly meetings are a life long necessity. The most common statement from someone that has relapsed is “I stopped going to meetings.”

One reason the meetings work is due to the structure. Often times, a selected person shares his or her story, a topic is chosen, then others are called on to share about how they relate to the topic. The key is how one relates to the others story and NOT to give an opinion. Crosstalk is forbidden. Thus one can not directly comment to another. Furthermore, we talk about REAL life problems and solutions in these rooms- hardship, happiness, loss, death, fear, spirituality, honesty, choices, consequences, accountability and service to name a few. Over time, I have formed an unspoken bond of trust and love with folks I know only by first name. Trusting people from all walks of life with my inner thoughts and feelings has given me an incredible freedom and peace I didn’t believe was obtainable while using.

It seems odd- a bunch of fragile, broken, and self-centered addicts coming together to talk about their feelings and a common solution, but it works. Many don’t realize that a lot of catch phrases were spawned in the 12-steps rooms such as- One day at a Time, Easy Does it, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, Higher Power and countless more. Moreover, I’ve heard some crazy and often times funny shit. Here is a sampling of a few highlights:

-”I describe my drinking as emotional violence with an occasional stab at the physical.”

-”I lived in a family of secrets and was a lamb to the slaughter because both of my parents were drunks.”

-”I have an alcohol love story.”

-”I tried hard to move from a dysfunctional alcoholic to a functioning alcoholic.”

-”When I took that first drink I realized what I was missing.”

-”I’m the only person I know that in my drinking rage put 10 bullet holes in my hot tub.”

-”I walked around with a cosmic turd of shit.”

-”The only time I’m dishonest is in Front of the judge.”

-I may have been in a Muslim country but I found the alcohol.

-You can’t be to dumb for this program but you can be too smart.

-My mind in a nutshell can be summed up as the the train leaving the station but the circus is still in town.

-My idea of a relationship was: I’ll bring the coke you bring the blow

-Whats cheaper… A divorce or being right?

-I quit everything but beer…obviously it didn’t work because I’m here.

-The 1st time I went to rehab I decided if I just don’t smoke crack I’ll be okay…. so naturally, started smoking pot

-Problem was..I threw the empties in the snow but which meant I was fucked in the spring.”

Fools like him is why Anonymity is key

-”Lets just say I have a wandering arm for alcohol.”

-”I didn’t want to go to meetings because I heard there were people there.”

-”Family…..Well lets say no one pushes your buttons as well as those who helped install them.

-”The greatest gift in In recovery is I’ve grown from suicidal to homicidal”

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism From Sara Rose (my teacher): Find patience in your your breath

Recent 12-step Quote: “I finally settled on Jack Daniels in my 40′s.”

-There are over 800 12-step meetings a week in the Portland area

-After WWI psychologists were dumbfounded how to treat shell-shocked veterans. They noticed those who smoked were getting better. Of course, It took them a while to figure out that it wasn’t the cigarettes rather the fact that they were relating/conversing with fellow shell-shocked peers. Thus, it was their ability to talk about their experiences and FEELINGS that aided to their cure. This philosophy was adapted by Bill W.

boke bowl line up at The CruzRoom

- I want to thank everyone for making November’s boke bowldinner a huge success, and THANK YOU to those that waited 1.5 hrs plus. We are taking December off because our other jobs are sooo busy but will be back in January with a new location. Go to boke bowl blog for updates

Quotes From The Kitchen:

These are all from Jake..the new kitchen comedian:

- “NO, I REALY REALLY LOVE blue cheese.”

“Chef, their all crazy (woman), it comes down to the emotional vs. the rational, and there is a HUGE sliding scale of rationality.”

-”Chef, I have a few Chinese Proverbs for you….

1. “Woman who put man in the dog house… end up in the Cat House.”

2. “Man who stand on toilet…high on pot.”

3. “Treat them like dirt…they stick like mud.”

Search Engine Terms(words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason) “wasted Santa pictures”

Band Name of Week: Meat Candy

Present Pandora Selection: Hank Williams III

To better accommodate overflow, patrons will enter through the temporarily covered patio. The Cruzroom folks are setting up a bar, seating, and we’ll have the menu available if there is a wait or, I suppose, you can eat right there. We’re going to keep the menu relatively the same with a few minor adjustments. However, you can accessorize your ramen bowl with fried chicken, a slow poached egg, and pork belly so there are numerous combinations for your liking.

Here is the menu as it presently sits:

starters

pickles: assorted seasonal pickled vegetables, ginger-green onion rice, korean seaweed (serves 2)  7

butternut squash ginger rice cakes, braised duck, house kimchee 7

Korean fried chicken wings 8

steam buns (3)

grilled eggplant, pickled mustard sauce 6

char sui pork, cucumber, green onion 6

salad

warm califlower, brussels sprouts, house tofu with Thai vinaigrette 7

ramen

ramen choices feature hand made noodles, greens, mushrooms, butternut squash, and roasted waterchestnuts

seafood miso broth, olive oil poached shrimp 10

add miso black cod 3

add pork belly 2

add slow poached egg 1.5

pork and chicken broth, slow smoked pulled pork 9

add buttermilk fried chicken 3

add pork belly 2

add slow-poached egg 1.5

caramelized fennel broth, japanese eggplant, butternut squash rice cakes (vegan) 9

add miso black cod 3

add buttermilk fired chix 3

add pork belly 2

add slow poached egg 1.5

junior bokebowl - noodles, butternut squash, fresh waterchestnuts, choice of shrimp or pork 6

*sub gluten free yam noodles 1.5

boke twinkies

chocolate with almond star anise cream 1.5

vanilla with miso butterscotch 1.5

See you there!

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism from Sara Rose (my teacher): “to let go of the past.. not worry about the future…and to be in the moment without judgement…is yoga”

Recent 12-Step Meeting Quote: “Your only as sick as your secrets”

-Chris K has decided to take a leap of faith and check into rehab. I am so psyched for him. He is a great guy that who has a wonderful life ahead of him. Our whole crew will have his back.

-Tamer, the rock of the line, and the hottest guy in our crew, has taken a job in the Bahamas for the winter. He has been part of this from the start and will be sincerely missed, however, we plan on him coming back.

-The good news is Angela Favre (ex chef at Cafe Mingo and Violetta) will be filling in for Tamer. Angela ‘aka sporty spice’ and I worked together back in the day at Bluehour. I am REALLY looking forward to working with her again.

Kitchen Quotes:

1. Me: “Lindsey, thanks so much for covering Liz’s shift today, and I’m sorry that I woke you up when I called.”

Lindsey: “Yeah, I know it was 9 but….you know…the husband and I fired up the hot tub last night and cracked open the vodka.”

2. Jamie :”Yeah, don’t get me wrong, I love woman that are a bit crazy, but once they have a child, they are flat out nuts.”

3. Jamie: “Chef, those silk pajamas you passed along to me are going to get me some tonight.”

Me: “Yeah, all you need is a cigar and some slippers.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason) “drunk ass Santa”

Band Name of the Week: Meat Glue

Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: Blue Hawaiians

Normal people or ‘normies’ have a hard time understanding why or how an addict can continue to drink and use drugs while everything around them is crumbling. They simply can’t relate. The closest analogy I can come up with is imagine the first time you fell deeply in love with a person, place or thing. Go back to that blissful infatuation of comforting warmth. Inside that warmth I found a security of well being. A place or unique feeling that no one could touch except myself and my lover. I rediscovered this feeling or state of being with the right combination of drugs and alcohol.  Now imagine you are just about to experience that special feeling of warmth and comfort: the body starts to tingle, a wave of warmth and security is flushing through the body when WHAM it is suddenly stripped away and you are left terribly exposed, vulnerable, scared, and physically shaken. This is what early sobriety feels like.

As I exited the doors of rehab I suffered from excitable fear, a cloudy mind, and a bloated body. I had the 40 days of sobriety in a safe structured environment but once I re-entered into society I had very few tools to defend myself from living without the safety net of my previous habits. From the moment I woke up I needed something to take away the physical, mental, and emotional pain and fear that had become my life. I used drugs and alcohol in every waking moment of life. Thus, all my life’s actions became associated with some form of substance. If I drove to the store I got high. I got high at work, on a plane, on a train, in stranger’s house, while walking the dog, etc…. Thus, the first year was so fucking hard because I had to reprogram my complete way of being in conjunction with re-associating the simplest task to be completed without alcohol and drugs.

As I began to walk through my daily tasks sober without taking that first drink or hit I began to gain confidence in myself. SLOWLY, as I got through each task I would process my thoughts and feelings in a 12-step meeting or work out the anxiety on the yoga mat. Once I began re-associating my daily tasks with a sober eye, my newfound confidence began to nurture other aspects in my life that I had neglected: family, friends, and most importantly myself.

Today, 6+ years sober, I discover that feeling of blissful warmth on a daily basis. I find it in a smile, in a meeting, on the phone, on the yoga mat, and often with those closest to me. In sobriety I have learned that assurance, freedom, and security is directly correlated to my spiritual condition. I used to try to find my happiness in other places, persons, and substances. Presently, it comes from within. Thus, I am struck with a feeling of gratitude and acceptance of who I am. Having security with myself is one of the many gifts of sobriety.

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism from James (my teacher): “Yoga helps create the space that allows you to move from 2D to 3D.”

Recent 12-step meeting quote: “My father was trying to leave the cocaine business when I was born which really set me up for success in life.”

-I learned in rehab that it takes at least two years to completely detox the body of residual alcohol and drug toxins.

-I got so ill in rehab I had to sleep sitting up due to pneumonia like symptoms.

-The first year of recovery I averaged 4-5 hours a sleep, sweat through 1 shirt a night, went to a 12-step meeting daily, worked the 12 steps twice, and stayed away from most slippery situations.

-I went to 4-5 Bikram yoga classes a week, which was a HUGE component of my early recovery. Addiction is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. Grasping onto positive life style changes (yoga, healthier eating, etc..) in conjunction with 12-step stuff has been crucial in my recovery.

-vote @eaterpdx for best chef http://bit.ly/daiRZc tim @silentpartnrpdx & chef andersen have brought @genoaPDX @accantoPDX back from dead

-Boke bowl had an unbelievable first night of a la carte service at the Cruz Room. Over 200 folks showed up and I want to personally thank each one of you. Details of the next dinner go the boke bowl blog.

-Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason):’ santa claus wasted’

-Band Name of Week: Monk in a Pan

-Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: Heatmiser

Notes Fome the Culinary Addict:

Yogism From James (my teacher): “We have a tendency to look outside ourselves to place blame. Yoga is about ownership of all actions and intentions of our lives.”

Recent 12-step Quote: “The years of sobriety are easy, its the fucking days that are hard.“

Kitchen Quotes:

-Chris: “Chef, everyday is like groundhog day, I think its time for rehab.”

-Greg: “Chef, you look HOT in those jeans.”

-Me: “Jake we need some lube for this sausage making. Liz get us some water please!”

Liz “I’ve decided I’m not going to respond to that.”

Chris “There’s something not right about two guys making sausage together.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for what ever reason) : “lsd lined soda can”

Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: Manu Chao

I started a backstage catering business in Seattle that gave me constant access to musicians and the backstage world of partying (see backstage post). During the summers we catered all concerts at The Gorge amphitheater 3 hours east of Seattle. Thus my weeks were filled with shopping, prepping, and organizing for concerts in town as well as the Gorge.
This entails A LOT of driving.

At some point during the mid summer heat my upper ass began to tingle about an inch down from my butt crack. Then it began to ITCH. Scratching seemed to worsen the situation. Like many alcoholics, I didn’t pay much attention to it. I wrote it off to the extra pounds I had put on and the heavier sweat that I exuded due to my daily consumption as well as the pressure exerted on my ass from the hours of driving.

Things worsened.

I decided to buy a ghetto beaded seat cover and strap on one of those back brace suspender thingamajigs the fine folks at Home Depot wear to support my back while driving.

That didn’t work.

Deep down I knew something was up because it wasn’t a surface itch, but  rather a deep seeded sensation from within. Thus, it was an itch that couldn’t be scratched. I tried, however, even with large amounts of alcohol, steel wool in my underwear, or scratching with a hanger, nothing could satisfy what evolved into constant irritation. Eventually some form of fluid arrived in the top part of my ass crack while catering a show at the Gorge. The Gorge is a mirror challenged facility without much running water. Plus the location of the irritant made it extremely difficult to find a proper angle to view the inflammation. I remember being drunk inside our catering van with a flashlight and a pocket mirror trying to get an eyeball on my upper ass in the rear view mirror to no avail, of course.

On the way home in 95 degree heat the pressure of the fluid in conjunction with my sweaty ass became unbearable. So I drank. The absorption of the alcohol gave me a new found confidence behind the wheel. I lodged a tennis ball under the back brace thingamagig on the top off my crack and began rubbing up and down on the ball seat cover. Within minutes I felt the warm release of fluid trickle downward providing me the relief I’d been seeking for weeks. The leakage continued for what seemed like days, but still, I was unable to get a good look at the situation. It would cease at points but when I moved a certain way or spread my cheeks ‘old faithful’ didn’t disappoint.

My girlfriend at the time wasn’t much of an exhibitionist so I hesitated asking for her assistance but became weary of infection as the pain increased.
“Honey, I know this is odd but I have some fluid leaking out of the top of my butt crack and was wondering if you could have a look.” I asked over dinner. “Is this some type of ploy?” she fired back.
“No, I’m starting to get worried.” I said
“Sounds intriguing! Let’s go check it out” she stated with an unexpected excitement as she knelt down facing my ass as I unbuckled my pants.
“Okay. No laughing. I haven’t been able to see anything down there but when I spread my cheeks fluid squirts out so you may want to put your glasses on.”
“Just get on with it.” She fired back
As I spread my cheeks she gasped, squealed, then gagged while running into the bathroom and began dry heaving over the toilet.
“Jesus, that bad?” I asked as she caught her breath.
“Not only is that quite possibly the nastiest puss filled organisms I’ve seen but the SMELL is of certain death!” She choked out and began gagging again. “I think you must have some sort of worm or something. I love you but I’m going to burn my sheets.”

The next day I found an Internist in Ravenna that assured me he had seen just about everything being located in close proximity the the University of Washington.
“Okay, so what seems to be the problem.” the doctor asked.
“I can try to explain it, but I think you just need to see it.”
“Wow!!! There is definitely something going on there. I have a small operating room. Lets get you up the table and lance that abscess.”

There is something quite disheartening when one has to get naked and put one’s face into a doughnut hole facing the ground for a stranger who you just meet 10 minutes ago in order to dig into the top part of your ass. I suddenly wondered how I got here….What is that in my ass? Was it a worm? Did I eat something funny or masturbate too much?

“Okay, I’m going to make a small incision to drain some of the fluid then we’ll have a better idea of what is causing this. Take a deep breath.” he stated with a high pitch as he went in.
I felt an internal twisting then a warm gush of fluid surface when the doctor actually stated, “Holy crap, do YOU smell THAT!!! Wow, this is UNBELIEVABLE! Hey, do you mind if I grab the nurses so they can SEE THIS?!?” He cracked with one foot out the door.
Great I thought, here I am laying on a metal table and three attractive females are about to get a look at my oozing ass.
“Ohhh, you weren’t kidding doctor, it really does smell” a nurse chimed in.
“Yes, and do you see this?” he asked as he went in with forceps grabbing onto to something that seemed attached to my spine. “That’s it!”
“WOW” they stated in unison. “What’s what.” I cried out.
“Do you believe in evolution?” he asked
“Yes.” I said with a grimace.
“Well, my friend, at the core of the inflammation is a very hard follicle that is the remnants of what was once your TAIL! And the reason it smells so awful is because the scent gland is found directly below the tail. Are you okay if I cut this out and send it off for research?”
“Do I have a choice?” I mumbled through the doughnut.
“Well we have to cut it out, then I stick some rolled up gauze in there and you can pull it out and redress everyday for a week. Fluid will leek out occasionally, perhaps forever, but at least it won’t get infected.”

I will never forget the sound and sensation a tail makes being removed from one’s ass…an internal clip from what originated from the spine and sounded familiar to the snap of a wire being snipped with cutters. A warm yet disturbing quivering shiver pulsated throughout my body and culminated by popping my ears.

“Do you want to see it?” He asked

*****If you liked this post you’ll probably like The Port-O-Let Post where I get run over in the shitter. Go here for that Post

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism from James(my teacher): The space you create for yourself in yoga gives you perspective.

Recent 12-Step Quote:“Alcoholics aren’t crazy just delusional.”

****Our first Boke Bowl dinner was a great success thanks to great music, venue, and really cool people. So thank you! We/I will have an announcement hopefully by the end of the week for location and time of next Boke Bowl ramen dinner. Go here for Boke Bowl Recap and photos.

This all occurred before 1 pm last Thursday…

-New menu prep and line up (making sure the pantry and hot line put up a plate of everything new)

-The pantry fridge went down and nobody called a repair person so a speed-rack of all pantry food  items blocks the walk-in fridge and is quite a distance from the pantry station.

-My prep cook looks pale white (he’s Latino) due to a strained back

-The pantry chef is complaining of kidney stones

-Another chef arrives and complains of wrong medication and is overly emotional.

-Inventory is due.

-Sous chef is leaving for the next two days.

-Then the hot line cook stumbles into the office grabbing his left arm and chest, complains of major chest pain and is sweating profusely then has to be rushed to the ER.

-Oh, and I have to work the PM line shift

Search engine words (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason): “pills and pussy”

Band Name Of Week: Internal Snip

Present Kitchen Pandora Selection:Uncle Tupelo

The 3+ hour event began with an assortment of in-house boar charcuterie including: pistachio terrine, rillette, blood sausage, prosciutto style leg, and mortadella (probably a few others) accompanied by mustards, house pickles, and a blood orange marmalade. All were properly executed, well seasoned, rich, and a foreshadowing of what was to come. The plate of charcuterie was followed by the present rage around town: pig’s trotter. The chef braised the hoof and arm bone of the boar, then took the bone out and made a farce meat including braised boar, sweetbreads, and foie gras. It was re-stuffed, roasted and topped with a wild mushroom, wine, and foie gras sauce. Some food starts thin and builds to rich. This started rich with the fat of the trotter skin then the boar and sweetbreads came through only to finish with the creaminess of the foie and mushroom sauce. Jesus.

We had somewhat of a break on the next course with local greens dressed with a pleasantly acidic vinaigrette. Not to be forgotten, the boar came in way of fried balls of headcheese and thinly sliced crispy pig ears for garnish. Biting into a fried ball of headcheese is an experience in itself, but a fellow diner’s comment, “Wow, I now know why my dog loves pigs ears” sent my mind elsewhere.

I finished off the greens as as the next dish arrived: boar loin wrapped in bacon, encased in chicken skin and deep fried and slathered with foie gras mousse. Holy Shit sums that up.

As the chicken fried boar was removed, family-style platters of Gnocchi with wild boar sugo arrived. The well executed gnocchi gave way to the rich, tomato-laden slow braised ragu of boar spiked with tomato, ricotta, and garnished with zucchini blossoms. The main entree of roasted tenderloin with white bean succotash was not to be outdone by the liver creme caramel for dessert.

The atmosphere, long table, and overall decadance and appreciation of the experience evoked a sense of culinary history. I felt as though I was dining at a royal table eating turn of the century food Escoffier would have made. The complexity of simplicity was at play. The chef was creating elaborately decadent fare from one simple boar. Was the combination of the dishes unbelievable rich?..Yes. Is this a combination he would have on his tasting menu? No. An evening such as this illustrates the passion and love the chef and staff have for food. Very few of these items will be found on their regular offering, but this evening was about letting new media and local chef’s know that The Gilt Club means business.

Gilt Club is Portland’s only true supper club that is open from 5pm-2am and serves a full menu that rivals the finer restaurants in Portland. Jamie Dunn is the owner and operator and makes his presence known with charm and humor. Being a supper club, I was expecting an overdressed and attitude driven staff, but was impressed with their knowledge, confidence, and professional yet laid back approach which speaks highly of Jamie and Chef Chris.

I left with a sense of gratitude having been invited to such an event. As a chef, I was struck by how much effort and thought the chef put into this evening. It takes a couple days just to make a proper terrine, and that was only one small part of the first course. Thus, knowing the work and dedication he put forth for this event I”m confident each plate of food coming out of his kitchen will be treated with the same passion (Go here for menu).

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism from Jeanie (my teacher): Let the breathe guide your movement as opposed to the physical guiding the breather

Recent 12-step meeting quote:“I was on the pot maintenance plan for years.”

- The owner and FOH dude, Jamie, said when he signed the lease the neighboring historical building was 98% a go for a high-end hotel. Then the markets crashed. Most would have fled but 5 years later they still draw a strong crowd and are well respected in the chef and service industry community. Well Done. Read his hilarious bio here located on the Gilt Club Web Page.

-Speaking of Jamie, I recently ran into him in a very intense yoga class. We seem to have many things in common. Apparently, he too, needs to experience intense mental and physical duress in 110 degree heat in order to find some sort of serenity.

-I have had a tendency to stay away from this part of old town because directly across the street from The Gilt Club was a bar/restaurant that I frequented to procure and use large amounts of hard drugs. I was even friends with a cook there and would often do lines on all surfaces of the kitchen.

-Boke bowl news!!!!! We have set a date for our 1st ever ramen inspired dinner at The Globe Bar on 2045 SE Belmont. Go to Brown Paper Ticket (here) to purchase a ticket. There is limited seating for 50 folks and there are only a few tickets left. It will include local art, classic 45′s spun by a skinny dude, I think live music, and of course tasty food. Some steamed bun tacos, grilled rice cake appetizers, choice of ramen, and a special family style dessert. There is no kitchen per se so I’ll be out front cooking and welcoming so please introduce youreslf. We hope to do more but be the first because we want your feedback.

Kitchen quotes:

1. H: “Don’t turn that off!”

Chris: “I hear this song at every Mexican restaurant I walk into. It all sounds the same.”

H: “Bullshit, this is beautiful Cuban music, your just being a racist.”

Chris “I’m not a racist, just a realist.”

2. Me: “Chris, I have asked you 3 times to do this, get it done please!”

Chris “Once chef. You may have repeated it and I didn’t hear it, but you should know by know if you don’t make eye contact it doesn’t count.”

3. Me: “Greg, I need you to clean like the Karate Kid…You know what I’m saying?”

Greg: “The only thing I wax are my balls, you know, wax on wax off!”

4. Me: “I don’t know what it is but I’m really attracted to deaf woman.”

J: “That’s weird. In high school I dated a woman with 2 deaf parents which was cool. We’d be getting it on and she’d say louder…louder…don’t worry they can’t hear.

Me: “Wow, that’s cool.”

J: “Yeah, except they have a heightened sense of vibrations which I found out the hard way.”

Search engine terms(words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason): “fennel and xanax”

Band Name of Week: Complexity of Simplicity

Present Kitchen Pandora Selection: Pete Fountain

The menu is presented on a wooden clipboard and separated into 3 sections whet, wade, and plunge. ‘Whet’ represents raw fair such as a choice of oyster, a marlin carpaccio, or ceviche. All items on the menu range from about $10-$19. It is encouraged to order many and share, so we did. We started with Chinook salmon 3 ways that had some smoked, some dried, some shaved,  and some raw that were accompanied by an apple/wasabi emulsion, tobiko and creme fraiche sorbet. Individually, each component was strong, however, when consumed togther the textures and chilled creme fraiche offered a textural explosion. The Thai snapper ceviche with chili, tomato, oil, and lime was a great rendition of a classic preparation. The meatiness of the snapper was a nice contrast to the sweet, sour, and spice of the garnishes.

Three chefs plus a helpful dishwasher can be seen quitley executing their fare from the small sleek-industrial dining room that showcases warm hues from reclaimed wood counter tops. A banquette runs the length of the wall with movable tables and a walk around bar strectches the length of the other side of the room. The front of the house is managed by Isreal Morales who spent years in Chicago at Eno and Tru. The cocktail, wine list, and service reflects his training. We dined on their busiest Thursday night to date (according to the chef) and he and one waitress worked the whole room. Sure they were in the weeds, but it didn’t show. Being in recovery, I often ask for lime spritzer. I am amazed that many supposed ‘cocktail gurus’ of fine establishments fall short on such a simple mixed beverage. Our waitress nailed it and finished it with a hint of orange. Moerover, she had a great waitress sense of timing, was open and accomidaing to our special requests, and had a sense of humor. Plus, she was cute.

‘Wade’ was the mid section of the menu that we were told was a bit richer than the previous raw offerings. The artichoke with carrot puree, mushrooms, favas, and green beans was a favorite dish. The mineral taste of the roasted artichoke complimented the hearty mushrooms and summer favas which was a perfect juxtaposition to the creamy sweet carrot puree and crisp green beans.  On many levels, this plate illustrated a chef that knows the flavor profiles and textures of the palette. Next, the cocoa-dusted butterfish with fennel caponata and 30-yr balsamic carried on where the artichoke left off. The cocoa smokeiness with the buttery fish paired well the licoricey fennel compote while the orange and balsamic offered the necessary sweet and sour component. We followed that up with a wide fazzoletti noodle topped with a spicy tuna mixture with a corn butter and a cilantro/lime oil. Ballsy, but perhaps was my favorite of the night. The comfort I received from the buttery noodle yet topped with rich and spicy toro in conjunction with the texture of sweet corn and the pop of lime and herby cilantro was much more fullfilling than a hit of crack.

‘Plunge’ the last section of the menu represented the richest fare.  The skate, a very underrated fish, was seared and glazed in a sweetened Korean chili butter and dramatically presented against crisp sweet peas, mint, and tendrils. What impressed me most was chef Pierce also knows when to stop. The previous dish had a lot going on but worked well yet had very few components and was equally satisfying. The skirt steak and cuttlefish was one of the more creative ‘surf-n-turfs’ I’ve consumed in recent memory. The steak was robata grilled and garnished with a tasty herb, tomato, and cuttlefish salad. The shiso pesto brought it together and the uni roe provide a welcomed creaminess to the plate.

The desserts were solid, simple, and creative that included a black sugar panna cotta with pickled peaches and a tasty olive oil ice cream that had a fun lemon curd pirouette cookie. The dark and milk chocolate mousse plate with berries and orange provided a quality finish to the meal, but dessert isn’t why you go to FIN.

Whether the chef realizes it or not his presentations mirror many aquatic environments ranging from a crazy tide pool of organisms to a sandy bottom ocean floor with negative space. I guess when I view many of chef Pierce’s plates I conjure of images of my hallucinatory mushrooms days which…in my eyes… is a hell of a compliment. Moreover, each plate was sophisticated enough to please the smoky, sour, sweet, and salty profiles of the palette. In summary, I like to think FIN is how I make love: unique, creative, fun, takes risks yet confident, and knows how to start, but most importantly…. knows how to finish. And since I’m taken, go to FIN now, and be prepared to be fully satisfied.

Notes from om the Culinary Addict:

Yogism from James (my teacher): “We always tend to look outside ourselves for blame. Yoga is about ownership and dedication to oneself which ultimately makes you become one with yourself.”

Recent 12-Step Meeting Quote:“The first time I drank that impended feeling of fear and doom vanished.”

-FIN just got it. From the alternative music, to the drinks, to the sophisticated yet relaxed atmosphere. If your a Twitter person follow chef Trent @FINPDX and badass fishwoman Naomi @fishcutterrr

carlyn and mom in sturgess

-After 4 plus years Carlyn has moved onto to greener pastures. She started as a shy dishwasher, moved up to prep cook then ran the pantry with a calm and cool demeanor. She is off to some kind of food chemistry school in Minnesota. I was never able to get a read off of her reactions to my feedback/insanity.  Thus, if cooking doesn’t work out  she’ll make on hell of a poker player. The thing I’ve learned the most from Carlyn…It’s better not to say anything. It drives the instigator crazy.

-Still trying to lock down a spot to have our first boke bowl dinner. Its tough to find a space with a kitchen, but need to firm it up by this week. Perhaps a smaller joint and invite only the first time????

-Brannon who is my partner with boke bowl stated at dinner, “You know you have made it in the restaurant industry when your employees are wearing the visor. The next thing after the visor is the personal jet.”

Kitchen Quotes:

1. -Liz “Chef, do you have that thing that is thick and round with a rod thing hanging down from it?…I see that snicker…I am not trying to be phallic.”

Me: “Sorry it was the hand gestures and motion that caused me to break.”

2. -Jamie: “There’s is dude at school that has a shaved head like me but got attacked by a cougar when he was a kid. He has these badass scares along his scalp.”

Heather: “Wow, like got attacked in a forest? I bet he gets some tail.”

Jamie: “No, he is a total douche.”

Heather: “Too bad because that is hot.”

3.-Heather: “There were some nice dresses out there tonight at the wedding but a hell of a lot of backfat. Especially from the bridesmaids. Backfat and fushia is not a good combo.”

4. -Jamie: “Chef…uhhh…is that a binkie in your pocket?”

Me: “Oh how life has changed in sobriety. From baggies of cocaine in my pocket to fucking binkies.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reasons): “cheap cheap xanax”

Band Name of Week: The Backfat

Present Kitchen Pandora Selection: The Black Angels

Change for Genoa came in they way of a couple that decided they couldn’t let Genoa die. Subsequently they spent A LOT of money forming Accanto (a modern yet comfortable glass front neighborhood Italian cafe) and beautifully renovated Genoa. They decided on Dave Andersen who had a vision for both restaurants. Dave, originally from Alaska, worked under Dave Machado for years at Lauro and most recently was the chef at Vindalho.

Genoa is the nicest room to dine in the city. They did a wonderful job on the remodel allowing for more light yet kept the intimacy that preceded it. Moreover, they were able to add a modern sophistication without a pretentious air. I notice the patrons and overall mood was more relaxed then pre-remodel dining.

In order to stay competitive in the market place Genoa offers a 5 course tasting menu that changes every month for $55. This menu was deemed ‘Abruzzo e Molise’ reflecting the northern part of southern Italy known as the Kingdom of Two Sicilies. We were greeted with a delightful spoonful of house-cured bacon with a pickled cherry relish. The caramelization and saltiness of the pork was a perfect juxtaposition to the sweet and sour local compote. This was the best bite of the night.

The first course was a pan seared rosemary skewered scamorza cheese with marinated baby artichokes and Dulce’s pickled asparagus. As to be expected, the fried cheese was tasty. It had a smokey caramelized crust that gave way to an oozing creamy delight, however, with every bit I was reminded that a huge inedible stem ran the length of the cheese. The artichokes and pickled asparagus were edible, but the artichokes didn’t add anything to the plate and the asparagus were extremely acidic and sour. I guess I just didn’t get it.

Next was a choice of the following the pasta:

Pasta alla chitarra con e fave- hand-made ‘guitar’ pasta tossed in a savory San Marzano tomato sauce with tender Viridian Farms peas, fava beans, lemon zest and fresh sheep’s milk ricotta or Pasta alla tagine con ragu d’agnello- fresh egg and semolina tossed with a classic ragu of Cattail Creek lamb and sweet peppers.

Both pastas were very al dente yet well seasoned. The tomato sauces tasted oddly similar which worked well with the lamb but overpowered the delicate nature of the peas and favas. The lamb ragout was tasty but when I envision a ragout I picture meat that is flaky and tender with a buttery mouth-feel from slow braising . This version, however, consisted of thumbnail size balls of lamb meat that had a strong tooth to the bite.

The salad was next :

Scapece di salmone alla vastese- a salad of wild Oregon Sockeye salmon that has been marinated in champagne vinegar, white verjus, saffron and aromatic vegetables served over baby spinach, sweet basil and Yukon gold potatoes.

Again a very lengthy description for an average salad lacking in imagination and presentation. The salmon were in the form of little chunks that appeared to be scrap meat. Upon taking a few bites I got hit upfront with a strong sting of acid then fishiness then bland boiled potato then aromatic basil. The flavors seemed uniquely separate not unified. With such bold flavors at stake I was yearning for more of a composed salad to fit the creative backdrop of the restaurant.

The first entree was seared rockfish with a calamari in a chile spiked white wine tomato sauce with local broccoli. My first thought was what do broccoli and Genoa have in common? The fish had caramelized corners but the skin was soft and mushy. The stewed calamari was well seasoned with a spicy bite and sweet onion finish. The broccoli was a tad overcooked but had a pleasant kick. Again the presentation was lacking and the broccoli was laying on the plate like a set of railroad tracks.

The mix grill rabbit was a nice combination of a skewered loin, with a kidney rabbit farce sausage, caramelized fennel, and a potato croquette. The loin was well cooked and seasoned but couldn’t get past the wooden skewer. The sausage was perfectly cooked in a cool mound spiked with a rich kidney but as my dining partner pointed out was very salty. The quartered fennel was a nice accent and the potato cake was more of an after thought. It was garnished with a black olive tapenade that put the salt over the top and would have been better suited with the green varietal.

The strip loin was flamed table-side with a strega liquor and served with a risotto stuffed pepper and a raw zucchini mint salad. It was a nice chunk of meat that was served rare and the risotto and raw salad were a nice juxtaposition but the three items seemed to be on an island on the plate.

All of the desserts were delicious. The cherry was interesting and fun , the Amaretto Souffle was light, tasty and well executed, and the chocolate espresso semifreddo was creamy and satisfying. The service was great and my fellow diners stated that the wines were spot on.

I understand the beauty of Italian food is the simplicity, however, this means that proper seasoning, technique and execution is essential. There is a level of sophistication to the room I couldn’t find in the food. Some things were too acidic or over seasoned and the presentations were uninspired. Moreover, I found technique lacking in the searing of the fish, inedible garnishes, a skewer, and under braised lamb. Plus, I yearned for more complex techniques to incorporate items such as broccoli, risotto, or a roasted pepper. In essence, the food and presentation lacked a level of sophistication I would expect from such an elegant setting.

The scariest words I was told in early recovery was that I would have to change EVERYTHING in order to stay sober and be happy. Im still a chef, husband and live in the same house, but my perspective on people places and things has completely changed. This change evolved from working the 12-steps and looking deep into myself by tackling the tough crap and self centered opinionated fear that was my life. In turn I revealed my true identity. Genoa has done a lot of surface work and the foundation is there but appears lost and unable to dig into the core and find it’s true self. This could just be a hiccup in the road, perhaps a challenging region. I certainly don’t do every step in the 12-steps perfect (especially the 4th and 10th steps). It is a constant journey. With this in mind I look forward to trying a new menu. In cooking and recovery misteps are a large part of growing.

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism from Iyengar (from Tree of Yoga): “Strive to find a thoughtfulness thoughtlessness in your practice .”

Recent 12-step Meeting Quote: “You want to drink whiskey at work instead of Vodka because you want your customers to know your drunk not stupid.”

-I couldn’t help commenting at dinner when I ordered the “The Mixed Grill” rabbit that this was code at a kitchen I worked at which referred to snorting a line of Oxycontin mixed with Cocaine.

-Genoa has some top notch people running the front of the house.

-Our kitchen is recovering from feeding 2500 mouths in 4 days.

-My bread delivery guy was fired a few months back. Allegedly he called a fellow driver for help on the side of a busy road. Once the driver arrived he asked the stranded driver if he was high b/c he smelled pot. Apparently fear and panic struck my past delivery man. Without saying a word he bolted in the opposite direction against traffic abandoning his truck, keys, and bread.

Kitchen Quotes:

-Ron:”Chef something is just not right in this office and I think some form of fish is to blame.”

-Jamie: “I’m telling you she wants to get freaky b/c she has a tattoo on the side of her neck.”

Me: “So let me get this straight, b/c a woman has some ink on the side of her neck that means she’s a dirty bird.”

Jamie: “Chef, that is so painful which tells me pain is her answer to happiness.”

-Me: “Ron, Did you get any of what I just said?”

Ron: “No I couldn’t get past her ass.”

-Me: “Chris, he has special needs.”

Chris: “Special needs!?! He’s on Paxil or some kind of goofball isn’t he? I mean I need to be on it but I dont have insurance or cash since 1/2 of my wages are garnished by the FEDS. Anyway, if he’s not he should be to level out his craziness when he gets all fired up. Shit my mind goes a mile a minute but his ass in on another level.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason): “Top 10 colleges for shrooms”

Band Name of The Week: The Red Fat

Present Kitchen Pandora Selection: M Ward

10. When your boss is out of money so he convinces his dealer to accept 4 cheeseburgers and a 17# bone-in ribeye for a bag of coke on the back dock.

9. When your boss uses alcohol to manipulate, intimate, and belittle you in front of co-workers. For example, The Tuna said during the middle of service, “Ryan I’m having some wine do you want a beer? Pat you can’t have one yet b/c you’ve been pissing me off today.”

8. When your co-worker’s eyes continuously droop and he slurs his speech in the middle of lunch service then nods off/passes out in the salad (in an open kitchen nonetheless).

7. When your boss addresses an employee “I know you are holding (coke), and if you don’t give me some now I’ll send you home.”

6. When you tell your co-worker you have a headache and your whole body hurts and he replies, “Dude, I have something that will cure all your ills, but its black, sticky, and REALLY strong.”

5. When your co-worker states, “I’m going to feed the meter” then you witness him cross the street straight into the bar only to return 20 minutes later feeling quite spry.

4. When a fellow line cook shows up to work sweaty with shorts, no shirt, and limping.

3. When a male co-worker states, “Jesus, I’m not sure exactly what happen last night but I’ll I can taste is cigarettes and cock.”

2. When your fellow line cook shows up for his shift with a black eye and facial lacerations because his methed-up striper girlfriend threw every piece of glassware at him from the dishwasher then finished him off with a tennis racket.

1. When the lead line cook emerges an hour late with a significant flesh wound to the arm and face, an eye patch, and a significant limp. When asked he replied, “Well it involved mushrooms, whiskey, my Chevy nova and train tracks. So I removed the license plates, scraped the VIN number and waked away.”

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism From Sara Rose (my teacher): “Find your uncomfortable comfort in this posture and breathe.”

Recent 12-Step Meeting Quote: “I lived in my expectations, not my reality.”

-I forgot yet again to write about a crazy 4th of July experience in New Zealand that involved a motorcycle, an Italian, and sheep. Perhaps next year.

-Summer is in full swing and things are in controlled chaos. A purple-wine-toothed drunk patron emerged in the kitchen to convince the crew that we need to put garlic mashed potatoes on everything because they are… “so goddamn good!”

Kitchen Quotes:

-Liz “My 5 yr-old daughter walked in on my naked boyfriend and told him that he had a nice penis.”

Me “Paybacks a bitch isn’t it?”

-Ron “So chef were there any attractive woman in yoga today?”

Me “Always, but there was one of the hotter woman I’ve seen in class today. However, when we were twisting in crescent lunge today it was hard not to notice she had quite a cooter.”

Ron “You mean like camel toe?”

Me “It was a bit beyond that. It almost appeared to be small testicles….Quite disturbing actually. It definitely affected my focus.”

Ron “Yeah, you just never know do ya? You just don’t know what is in store until you get down there.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason): “the culinary addict pig”

Band Name of Week: The Cooter

Present Kitchen Pandora Selection: Barry White

 As a chef I have had an innate sense of timing and technical skill that helped me become a solid chef. In life however, my innate first thought typically involves some form of danger or ill-advised rationale which gives me internal comfort and satisfaction (see first thought wrong post).  When I was drinking and using, I believed my achievements uncommon from the norm were unique. I later found out in rehab the term for such self-centered euphoria or greater sense of self is terminal uniqueness.

For a long time this behavior was fun, daring, and unique. Over time, however, the consequences to my decisions began to have adverse consequences. My solution-drink and use more. It seemed like the logical solution. I had found success in my life, relationships, and career, why not push on more? Thus, my first thought or intuition was wrong and not the next right thing (and still is). 

 Once I took my first drink the instant relief I gained gave me greater confidence. For years, I yearned to feel better physically, emotionally, and mentally. It was easy for me to get high when I felt suffering and pain. Those were REAL emotions that I worked hard to stay away from. However, I never wanted the great feelings of warmth and accomplishment to end either. I wanted the highs of life to get higher and higher.

 The 12-steps have helped me realize that core of my addiction is rooted in self-centered fear and attention seeking. I realized I was spirtually sick. Every next thought and action was self-centered because it was aimed to ease my pain, fears, and attempted to remove me from myself.

Admitting I was powerless over drugs and alcohol was easy. That is sobriety. Realizing I am powerless over myself and my own decision making…

That is recovery.

 Notes from The Culinary Addict:

 Yogism From Sandra (my teacher)- “Breathe as if your life depends on it.”

 Recent 12-Step Meeting Quote: “I came from a long line of Italianos where revenge was served cold.”

-My case manager in Rehab just finished her PHD in which she created a interactive web page that illustrates the spiritual foundation of the 12-steps in conjunction with all major religions throughout the world. Very Cool. Here is the link http://www.12wisdomsteps.com/ 

-Example of not the next right thing: After my first drunk as a teenager I wanted to enhance my drunkenness. I found a bottle of Precocet that said ‘Warning: This medication may increase the effect of alcohol.” My first thought was, Hell Yeah. It did not cross my mind that this was a negative warning. This warning label summed up my years of usage. I sought out every conceivable drug combination to enhance that feeling of alcohol.

 -Last week I had a young employee get a colonoscopy, one walk out for psychological reasons, one had heart surgery, and one no call no show. A hospital ward, no just another week in the kitchen.

-The new intern managed to ignite/engulf a butane canister and shinge her eyelashes.

 Kitchen Quotes:

-Me “I realized after my son has been in Montessori that some people are gifted to be with kids.”

 Liz “Yeah, I don’t buy kids a lot of toys so their friends wont come over. I love my kids, but there is a reason I work in a kitchen.”

- Greg: “CHEF! HAVE YOU SEEN PATRICK SWAYZE IN ROADHOUSE?”

 Me: “Hell yeah!”

 Greg:”Swayze is SO FUCKING HOT… SO FUCKING HOT.”

 -Me: “Greg, are you going to see your dad for father’s day.”

 Greg: “My dad is an ASSHOLE AND A PRICK!”

Band Name of Week: Fame Whores

 Search Engine Terms (search words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason): “masturbation raw pork abdominal pain”

 Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: Wayne ‘the train’ Hancock

I’ve been searching for a creative and fun project for the past few years and have settled on boke. The literal Japanese translation for boke is mental haze, but boke is more commonly used as slang meaning”knucklehead” or an endearing term for “jackass.” I could go down a lot of avenues about the hows and why of my association with such a name, but I won’t. Its simply a cool name. Plus, it is Japanese, and everything is cooler in Japanese. Thus, boke bowl.

In order to captivate a wide spectrum of consumers we will have 3 base stocks built off of a seaweed and mushroom dashi: pork/chicken, seafood, and vegetable/vegan. We are organizing boke dinners starting in September hopefully including local art and music at various locations. Details to follow.

Our buddy/pr/creative director Tim ‘talldaddy’ Parsons took some photos of the three ramen bowls I have been working on and will be the cornerstone of boke.

Ginger Eggplant with Yam Noodles in a Caramelized Fennel Lemongrass Dashi

Olive Oil Poached Shrimp with Bacon Wrapped Scallop in a Shellfish Miso Broth

Korean Spiced Pulled Pork with Southern Fried Chicken in a Roasted Pork Broth

We will also have other tasty sides. I discovered you can put just about anything in a house made hum bao ‘taco shell’ and it taste delcious- char sui pork, pork belly, fried chicken, or..

Pulled Pork with Pickled Mustard Sauce

If you want to stay up to date on boke movements please visit our blog @bokebowl.com (just getting up) and follow us on twitter @bokebowl. Talldaddy Parson can be contacted @ tim@sppx.com. He also does PR for Genoa and Accanto as well as man’s the bar during Accanto’s brunch. You can follow him over on twitter @talltimpdx.

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Recent Yogism From James (my teacher): “Take your favorite adjective here- jive, sway, swing, yo-yo, pulse.”

Recent 12-Step Meeting Quote: “My attitude and actions make my wife go Olympic silent.”

Kitchen Quotes:

-Kristin “Chef, you know, your really good with your sauce control.”

-Jamie: “I think horniness gets worse with age.”

Me: “Well, it doesn’t help when your surrounded by 20-26 year old servers.”

-Liz: “Chef???Uhhhh what is that noise?!?!”

Me: Pork grinding

Liz “Sounds like your doing something ELSE.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason) : Rub hot sauce on pussy

Band Name of Week: The Boke

Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: Jimmy Reed

“Hey, can you bend over and pick that up for me because I’m in the middle of rubbing this large piece of meat.”

“Chef, can you come over here and help me rub this loin?”

For other chefs, however, the temptation is too much. Here are a few comments made by some fellow male chefs over the years:

“Chef, We all know everything is better moist.”

“Chef, rubbing all of this meat makes me want to get oily and naked with a lot of curvy woman.”

“Chef……dude, I may have to go ‘rub one out’ after rubbing all these loins down.”

Here are a few from the ladies:

“Chef, I feel like a lesbian after rubbing down those 300 chicken breasts.”

“After rubbing 100 pork tenderloins I now know what it would feel like having a big thick cock.”

“Chef, I guess rubbing down the cavity of 200 chickens gives me the skillset to fist a donkey.”

And, of course, there were a few guys that thought this comment would turn a female counterpart on:

“I’ll show you how to handle that piece of meat.”

Dry rubs are typically used to season and marinate large cuts of protein such as pork butts, briskets, or ribs before smoking or grilling. They often consist of a myriad of dry and ground spices such as paprika, cumin, mustard, etc…. During smoking the dry spice mixture forms a crust on the outside that seals in the juices of the meat. The spice crust allows for the protein to braise within it’s own fat and juices. Although a dry crust forms the internal meat is as succulent as a braised lamb shank. Memphis style barbecue is completely dry and sauce is added at the end. I like to add a bit of oil to the protein first then the dry rub to facilitate the rub into the protein. Recently, I came up with a simple rub I like to season large as well as smaller grilled meats such as shirt steak, hanger steak, or chicken. I call it the essential rub because it is extremely versatile and offers a touch of spice and sweetness.

The Dry Rub:

3 cups Korean Chile Powder

2 cups Brown Sugar

1/2 cup Kosher salt

-Mix it together. It stores for months. Its works well on all meats.

On leaner proteins a wet rub is more applicable because there is not as much internal fat to braise in. Thus, wet rubs and/or brines help relax the tough protein. I often times use a combination of both. For example, I brine pork loins or turkeys, then rub them with a dry rub with a touch of oil before roasting or smoking. A wet rub has a moist ingredient added to the spices and herbs. Common ingredients added to make a wet rub may mustard, roasted or raw garlic, vinegar, oil, horseradish, and yogurt. For red meats this is my essential wet rub recipe:

The Wet Rub:

2 cups roasted garlic

1 cup Worcestershire sauce

1 cup canola or olive oil or rendered bacon fat (al a surlygourmand)

3 Tablespoons cracked black pepper

3 sprigs rosemary leaved

1 bunch sage fine chopped

1 bunch thyme fine chopped

-Place roasted garlic in blender and puree. Slowly add Worcestershire sauce, then slowly incorporated oil (should become emulsified). Then toss in pepper and herbs until thoroughly mixed.

I also like the classic Kansas City Rub:

1 cup brown sugar

3/4 cup paprika

1/4 cup black pepper

1/4 cup salt

1/4 chile powder

1/4 garlic powder

1/4 cup onion powder

1 Tablespoon cayenne

Prime Rib

-Oil and rub down with essential rub mixture

-Coat with essential wet rub. Cover in salt, and smoke at 225 degrees for 5-6 hours.

May may also want to check post on Pulled Pork, Smoked Brisket, and Brining.

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism from James (my yoga teacher): “Growth stems from challenge” (Be warned- when a teacher starts class off with this statement your in for a bitch of a class)

Recent 12-Step Meeting Quote: “I have an alcohol love story book.”

Boke Bowl Update: Working out the noodle recipe at my house. Decided to par-dry noodles to discover the shelf life. Had a good meeting with an old friend Tim, who is going to help with PR and our first Boke dinner. We are shooting for a Monday night in September. We hope to provide inspiration via a bowl of good noodles, bad ass broth, and tasty garnishes. We are planning to have local art and perhaps some live tuneage. Tim took some cool photos and I hope to get a Boke Blog up soon. Follow us on Twitter @bokebowl.  

-I recently pawned off some kitchen equipment to get this Southern Pride Smoker. It is an amazing piece of eqiupment because on can control the heat and cooking time. Moreover, it is ideal for braising items b/c you can hold the temp at 180 degrees for 18 hours. Plus you can fit a ton of stuff in it.

Search Engine Terms (someones words that lead them to this blog for whatever reason): LSD in vagina

Band Name of Week: The Dry Rub

Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: John Lee Hooker

Scottsdale

I frequently visit my folks in North Scottsdale, Arizona. They like to eat- often. Scottsdale is the exact opposite of where I reside. Firstly, it is arid, dry, hot, and sunny over 330 days a year whereas some form of cloud or precipitation exists 330 days a year in Portland. Secondly, with hot warm weather comes hot fit woman. Don’t get me wrong, there are a number of beautiful and fit woman in Portland, however, most are very white, choose tattoos over botox, piercings over manicures, and accessorize with some form of parka or poncho. Moreover, greater competition exists amongst woman in warmer climates because more is revealed on a daily

Portland

basis. This may explain why approximately 1 in 2 woman between the age of 20-70 have some form of plastic surgery. Right or wrong, I don’t know, but I do know there are a lot of attractive, fashionable, and tan woman with firm breasts in North Scottsdale.  These woman, however, need a place to look good, socialize, dine, and get tasty confections or wine for an engagement.

Enter The Herb Box

Given the recovering drug addict in me, my first thought when I heard the name of the restaurant was, ‘wow! my conservative mother is suggesting a restaurant named after pot’. My second thought drifted to that hippie chic I slept with in college that wanted to package the scent of ‘THE KIND’ Oregon Bud into some form oil to rub on her vagina and call it The Herb Box Essence to sell it at the crunchy Saturday Market. My third thought landed on the fact that people actually grow herbs inside a plant box.

whoopie pie

My parents hold The Herb Box in high regards, and I see why. It is a multi-faceted operation that can satisfy the most desperate housewife as well as an avid food lover. One side houses ‘The Market’ that provides a cafe setting and doubles as a retail store where one can buy fine cheese, wine, and tasty prepared foods for on the go. For example, one can dine-in with counter service and get a brioche egg sandwich with pancetta and arugula with an espresso or a tasty steak salad, a whoopie pie, and a bottle of wine to go. Furthermore, they are set up for cater-out food for individuals, small or large groups as well as off-site catering.

On the other side of the building is ‘The Eatery” or sit-down restaurant. There is moderate seating inside with a large bar, however, the outside deck

Green Chile Enchiladas

houses numerous tables with covered seating along with a gentle mist spray to keep the beautiful patrons cool.  The menu reflects the clientele. It is dominated by healthy and tasty ingredients: wraps (chicken, arugula, Gorgonzola, spiced nuts) sandwiches (rosemary steak, caramelized onions, white cheddar), flatbreads (corn, goat cheese, sweet tomatoes), and interesting salads. Many salads juxtapose a hot protein such as steak or a fried prawn with light and acidic vinaigrettes aside crisp greens, veggies, nuts, avocado, and citrus. Dinner time is more of the same with the addition of heartier appetizers such as trout beignets and fine entrees such as double cut pork chops with goat cheese potato cakes. The green Chile enchiladas stuffed with grilled corn and squash are on of her signature dishes. They were perfectly executed with the right amount of sauce and cheese with a fine salad. At $16.99 I found them to be a bit pricey, but hey, if I  had them down valley I would have missed out on a woman behind me explaining to her sister what her boob job did for her self-confidence. Plus, they serve weekend brunch and recently offered red velvet pancakes with lemon marscopne which is one of the more creative and delcious items I seen in a while.

Becky Wendel is the self taught chef that understands the marketplace of North Scottsdale. She realizes that the people of North Scottsdale don’t cook because they don’t have too. The Herb Box satisfies many niches within the fastidious ecosystem of North Scottsdale-whether on the go, on a hike, on a business lunch, meeting for a casual drink, or in need of a catered event one’s needs will be pleasantly satisfied.

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism From Sandra (my teacher): “All you need to focus on is you on your mat. You have nowhere to hide and you can discover your true self.”

Recent 12-step Meeting Quote: “So I decided to say FUCK IT.”

-The service was fast and friendly and accomidated 2 under age 4, 2 over 65 and 2 somewhere in the middle without missing a beat. Plus they served some kick ass mango lemonade with free refills.

-I will say Scottsdale is a interesting melting pot. There is a lot of young money, many wealthy retirees, real cowboys (ones that still wrangle and shit), right wing Christians, hippies, spirituality seekers, and recovery folks.

-I was sad to realize Nancy, who ran the coolest Bikram studio I had been to in North scottsdale sold it. Instead I tried Sumits Yoga which is a mix of Bikram and ashtanga in 102 degrees for 1 hour and 20 minutes. I’m an avid yogi but this class really kick my ass and goes DEEP. If you want to feel the pain yet be enlightened check it out. I only saw three tattoos out of 40 people in class but many fake boobs. I’m the only guy in Portland that cooks and does yoga without a tattoo.

Kitchen Quotes:

Me: “You mean you dont practice safe sex?”

Chris: “Safe sex and birth control are the samething..I call it up the butt.”

This was my screen saver when I returned from my week off. I believe the caption was ‘Doggie Style’

Search Engine Words (key words that lead someone to this blog): where to take LSD in Ohio

Band Name of Week: Chocolate Meat

Pandora Kitchen Selection: Nick Cave

Curing Rabbit Legs

The classical definition of confit is to season and slow cook a protein in its own fat. Similar to many cooking techniques it evolved for healthy preservation. The French were the first to standardize the cooking technique in order preserve goose or duck legs in the fall for the long winter. Fat was rendered off the birds, the legs were cured with salt, and slow cook  in their fat. During the curing and cooking process moisture is extracted from the protein of the meat and releases to the bottom of the cooking vessel. The cooked proteins can be stored in the fat, an anaerobic environment, thus oxygen is nonexistent which significantly lowers the possibility spoilage. Confit legs were placed in vats, covered, and stored in cool places for months. Presently, properly confit meats can last up to six months in the refrigerator.

In addition to meats, confit refers to other foods such as fruits which can turned into confit whole or slow cooked in their own juices or honey to the consistency of jam. Vegetables such as fennel, radish, garlic, onion, endive, etc… become confit via various fats and oil, and sometimes with the addition of vinegar.

Confit is a braising technique without the caramelization of the protein (i.e. cooked for a long time at a low temperature).  Meats such as duck, rabbit, or pork are cured with a salt, sugar, spice and herb mixture (star anise and juniper) overnight to season and release excess water from of the protein. The fat is heated until melted and the desired protein is distributed in the fat, covered, and placed in a 250 degree oven until the meat flakes off the bone (about 6 hours for duck legs). Vegetables such as radishes or eggplant are seasoned with salt and pepper for 20 minutes, rinsed, then confit in duck fat (or oil) until a skewer can easily pierce the vegetable (approximately 2 hours). Once finished, either carefully remove the items for use or store in the fat. Excess liquid and meat jelly will form at the bottom of the pan once cooled. Remove this tasty jelly to use in sauces or soups.

Olive Oil and Basil Confit Shrimp

The slow braising process in conjunction with rich fat yields delectable and succulent end products that are tough to stop eating.  Confit items are highly flavored and can be cross utilized throughout the kitchen. For example, a duck leg can be served as an entree or picked and used in a salad, pasta, appetizer, or sandwich. Confit lemon can be incorporated  into anything for background flavor and depth. Confit onions make a stellar garnish on steak, goat cheese, and fish.  Confit radishes can be sliced and sauteed with spring asparagus and finished with creme fraiche and herbs for a luscious side dish. Confit fruits are a wonderful garnish on sweet or savory items and are ideal for cheese.

Things I Confit:

In Duck Fat: Duck, Rabbit, Pork, Radish, Artichokes, Potatoes,

Duck Fat, Heat Fat, Clean Cured Legs, Confit 5 + hours @ 250 degrees

In Seasoned Oil: Tuna, Shrimp, Garlic, Radish, Lemon, Meyer Lemon

Wash and Soak, Season: Cover with Oil, Bay, Thyme, Braise 2 hours or until crunch is gone

In Oil and Vinegar: Onions, Fennel, Lemons

In Own Juice, Sugar and/or Honey: Berries, Gooseberries, Currants, Figs, Apricots, Rhubarb

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism from Sandra (my teacher): “Put the thoughts in your mind on the shelf and give gratitude to yourself.”

Recent 12-Step Meeting Quote: “One was too many and a 100 wasn’t enough.”

-Again, most kitchen talk revolves around sex. One day I was discussing duck confit with a fellow chef during family meal when the crudest waiter I’ve known jumped in and stated, “Well boys, I don’t know about your duck legs, but I ‘confited’ my boy’s ass all night long Maximus butt lube.” Me: “Maybe next time your should use duck fat as lube and have ‘Torchon d’ Ass’ for dessert.”

-One establishment I worked in a smart-ass dick of a line cook  found his shoes ‘confited’ the following day in the oven.

-Many times people have stated, “This confit is soooo delicious it’s like crack.” I always get a second look when I say, “It’s tasty, but nothing is quite like crack.”

-Here is a recent batch of ramen with pork/chix/miso broth, Korean pulled pork, bok choy, shoots, shrooms, and southern fried chicken garnish. Have decided on Boke Bowl for name (Boke means mental haze or knucklehead in Japanese). Hope to have a tasting somewhere by fall. Keep you posted.

Kitchen Quotes:

-Me: “Hows your son?” P: “He’s crazier then ever, he started drinking again and found a crazy-ass girlfriend. Last week she stabbed him.”

-Me: “It’s nice to see you flirt with the large ladies as well.” Ron: “OHHH, I love them all.” Me:”You realize your old enough to be her dad and flirting with grandfather.” Ron: “Everyone needs a daddy.”

-Chris: “When I’m this tried I really need medication for my body to catch up to my anxious brain.”

-Me: “Chris what do you need?” Chris-”The answer to life.” Me: “You’ll find it while washing all of those dishes.”

-Chris “Like Sinatra said, I’m just a rover.”

-I got a new rice cooker for my birthday. Even after many rinses, during the cooking process ‘rice jizz’ spews out of the top similar to a volcano. The manufacturer says this is normal and I need to wash my rice ‘better’.

Search Engine Words (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason): “natural cures for shakes from alcohol withdraw”

Band Name of Week: Day Benders

Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: The Modern Lovers

MetroVino is set up to cater to the Pearl District crowd given the large bar and cocktail seating that dominate the central space of the restaurant. It is owned by Todd and Helena Steele. Todd has years of experience at some of the finest restaurants in the Bay Area acts as the GM, meanwhile, Helena was/is in charge of unquie design. Upon entering, to the left are 3 large booths and a step up to the right accommodates about 10 tables with an all glass backdrop. The space exudes a modern sleek feel that is a bit cool yet comforting.

I was pleasantly greeted by what appeared to be the GM. We were directed to a fine booth by a friendly hostess and handed menus. I was a bit taken aback from the unnatural golden hue that emanated from our waitress as well as the flower in her hair as she introduced herself. Then, I remembered we were in the Pearl. I told her we had some dietary challenged people this evening in which she responded, “I love special needs people” which made me wonder if her fetish was chicks with handicaps such as myself. Throughout the evening her professionalism, patience, service, timing and knowledge consistently satisfied our needs.

The cocktail and wine menu are larger than the dining menu. Thus, our table began with an array of cocktails, wine and a lime spritzer for myself. All were solid and it is evident wine is a passion of Mr. Steele. The dining menu reflects both the bar business and table side service. There is a section for heavier appetizers such as oysters, roasted marrow bone, escargot, cured salmon and tripe as well as a separate cheeses section. We ordered array of salads to accompany our rich entrees.

Once the salads arrived it became evident chef Denton has spent time in Northern California and Hawaii in terms of ingredients and presentation. His ingredient driven salads were simple yet well executed with an air of Asian presentation while providing late winter and early spring offerings. The beet, avocado, citrus, feta, and greens was simple and tasteful offering a creamy, salty, and sweet bite. The grilled bacon wrapped dates with apple, blue cheese, arugula and almonds represented the richness of winter yet the spring arugula significantly lightened the plate. Unfortunately it came with only four dates. I easily could have downed ten realizing these would be an excellent passed appetizer.

A great barometer of judging a chef that has spent time in California is his use of the fava bean. Fava beans and fennel are two of the favorite ingredients of Bay Area chefs. This is due in part to the high percentage of lesbian chefs who seem to adore fennel and fava beans (I worked under three). It obvious that chef Denton worked directly or indirectly for a lesbian due the imaginative roasted fava bean salad. Lightly smokey whole roasted favas arrive with sauteed maitake mushrooms, house-made ricotta, arugula, mint and Saba. A perfectly juxtaposed salad in terms in terms of textures, flavors, and varying temperatures. The warmth of the earthy favas and mushrooms offers a wonderful contrast to the fresh ricotta, the peppery arugula, and an essential blast of mint.

In terms of entrees, I would have ordered anything on the menu. All were creative with multiple cooking techniques, interesting combinations, and stellar presentations. The double cut brined pork chop was grilled and served with a crisp chile polenta cake, braised kale, and a tasty hazelnut chimichurri and fava bean garnish. I am always looking for interesting combinations or garnishes to expand my repertoire. In this case the addition of the hazelnuts to the chimichurri added flavor, complexity, and a local touch to the common, yet tasty sauce and chop. The seared scallops in the house-made green curry was a dairy-free entree which properly represents chef Denton’s culinary range. The brilliant green hued curry encompassed all the essential Thai flavors- lime, coconut milk, cilantro, pickled red onion, and roasted peanuts.

The highlight of the evening and the best plate of food I’ve had in a while was the braised buffalo cheeks with house-made ricotta blintzes. The tender cheeks were slow braised for hours served with a perfectly balanced reduction sauce and English peas. The blintzes were a perfect unique comfort accompaniment. The three radish salad garnish offered a welcomed bite of horseradish and texture to the braised fare. Spring in the Northwest offers a transition in seasonality. The buffalo cheek dish is a prefect representation of mixing a late winter technique such as braising in contrast to early spring ingredients such crisp radishes and English peas. Having an understanding of such detail make his food delicious as well as interesting visually and texturally.

The desssert and cheese menu will meet everyone’s desire. Pairings such as toasted almonds, apple, and honey with the Bermuda Triangle Goat cheese make a standard cheese couse more interesting and desirable. His signature dessert is the Parmesan pound cake that should not be missed. Even the basic creme brulee was unique given the addition of brown sugar and a perfectly execute custard.

Many chefs have worked and mentored under chefs with varying backgrounds and skill sets. Few, however, are able to take that knowledge and make it uniquely their own. Chef Denton successfully draws from his classical French, Californian, and Pan Asian roots to define and successfully execute his cuisine. This attention to detail, ingredient knowledge, and texture profiles separate chef Denton’s food from many in the city.

Notes From The Culinary Addict:

Yogism from Sara Rose (my teacher):“Try to make the breathe cyclical, meaning one continuous breath without a conscious thought or difference between an inhale and an exhale.”

Recent 12-Step Quote: “It stems from self-centered fear, thus I’m petrified that I won’t get what I need.”

-Chef Greg and fiancee Gabrielle have been working together in kitchens since they meet eight years ago. This fact I find more impressive than their food. I wonder who really call the shots?

- I got a sense from the person that greeted me that he was in need of a drink, being a recovering addict, I know THAT slightly pale bloated look of uneasiness.

- I asked a fellow chef what he thought of MetroVino before I ate there. He said, “Go there ASAP, the food is awesome. I did, however, interview with Greg when he was at Lucier. He was pretty much a dick, but the type of dick that knows his shit and someone you would want to work for.”

-I recently spoke with the two woman who were instrumental in helping me get and stay sober. I hadn’t spoken with either in a few years. One just finished her PHD and the other just got out of yet another rehab after years of healthy sobriety.

Quotes:

-Kristin “Chef, YOU don’t want to go out there right now…It’s prom night and its nothing but a sea of satin and lace.”

-”There is a 21-yr-old girl in my class that wants me to ask my wife to have an open relationship. This younger generation is scandalous. Just think, she has been around mainstream porn since a teenager.”

-Greg: “Damn, I’m getting old, I turn 30 this year. I think I better move out of my fucking mother’s house.”

-Jaime: “No I mean like she has a juicy booty..one that squats…one that the southern bros like.”

-Jamie: “Call me gay but I’ve seen Footloose 1000 times with my little sister.”

-Me :”Pasta with cream sauce…white on white, just like the fucking suburbs.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason) “addicted to mushrooms”

Band Name of Week: White on White

Present Pandora Selection: 16 Horsepower

I figured most chefs would jump at a chance for free American labor so I found the best restaurants in Bath, sent them a letter in advance and showed up on their respective doors months later. Four out of five frowned upon the Yankee, however, a Michelin 2-star establishment, Lettonie with Rooms, owned and run by Martin and Sian Blunos offered me a stage.

The Michelin Red Guide, the oldest and best-known European hotel and restaurant guide, awards Michelin stars. The guide awards one to three stars to a small number of restaurants of outstanding quality. Stars are awarded sparingly;  In the UK and Ireland 2004 guide, out of 5,500 entries, there are 98 with one star (“a very good restaurant”), 11 with two stars (“excellent cooking”), and only 4 with three stars (“exceptional cuisine”). A 3-star Michelin ranking is exceedingly rare. Only 26 3-star restaurants exist in France and only 81 in the world. Thus, this was an amazing opportunity.

I reported to work at 7:30 am on a Tuesday. Martin Blunos (a Latvian born in Somerset) and his wife, Sian (also a trained chef that worked the front of the house, Welsh) moved their restaurant and two sons from Bristol to a large honey-colored Georgian house in Kelston, just on outskirts of Bath. It sat on an acre of grounds and had about 5 guest rooms which also housed the family.

Not Lettonie But Very Similar

Martin and Sian were exceptionally warm and pleasant, and introduced me to the small crew which consisted of The gorgeous basement kitchen with a window view of the grounds was bustling with activity. The main kitchen was dominated by the most beautiful stove I had ever witnessed-a central French-Style flat-top range. Martin stood on one side with a prep table/refrigerator unit directly behind him. On the other side was a mirror duplicate were his sous chef Simon #1 stood and worked. A long table flaked the side were prep work was done by a pantry/hot cook (chef de partie) which became the pass line as the plates went out. A small open room adjacent to the main kitchen housed the dishwasher and a pass window into a smaller pastry room. The 15 ft x 20 ft room that housed a coffin freezer, stand up fridge, small convection over stainless table a a slab of marble is where I would spend the majority of my time over the next 4 months trailing Simon #2. I was to become his or anyone else’s commis chef (i.e.’little kitchen bitch’).

The first thing I noticed was the different in focus between my American restaurant experiences. There was no wrestling over what music we were going to listen to or a casual cup of coffee over weekend storytelling. These chefs were busily working without words on lenghty prep lists that were apparently down over the weekend.

“What can I do.” I asked Simon #2

“Well, we have 12 on the books for lunch and 22 for dinner which starts in about 3 hours, and we have to prep 6 desserts, brioche, biscuits, and saw the duck eggs all from square one.” He said hastily

“Well, at  least there is only 12 on the books.” I said confidently

“12! That is a blindin’ number for a Tuesday lunch. Each will have 5 to 7 courses, a amuse, and intermezzo!” He said in an excitable accent “Why dont you roll out, cut, and cook the cheddar biscuits I just banged out. Then I’ll have you help me with the Satsumas.”

“Satsumas?” I asked

“Yeah, yeah, the Assiette of Satsuma is our most popular dessert.” Simon hastily blurted.  Although he spoke English, between the thick accent and speed in which he spoke he could have easily been speaking Portuguese.

“You know, little oranges.” He exalted as he grabbed a case of 200 and put them on my station.

“Okay!” he went on, “First I need you peel 60 of them and segment 30 of the little buggers. Save the skin and remove all of the pith. We need some for zest and some for garnish. Then squeeze all of the juice out of the flesh and add 30 grams of sugar and bring up to a simmer. Next cut the top 1/3 off of ten. Then, WITHOUT BREAKING THE SKIN, hollow out the flesh with this little bugger of a teaspoon…Yes, it is a fucking nightmare…juice that flesh and add with the rest. Take 1/3 third of the satsuma and sugar warmed juice and add a sheet of softened gelatin. Then place 5 or 6 Satsuma segments into the hollowed out peel and top with the gelatin mixture and stick in fridge- that will be our Satsuma jelly. Reserve another 1/3 of the liquid so we can make Satsuma ice cream. The other 1/3 we’ll reduce down to a syrup which will be the base of a Satsuma creme brulee. Then we’ll use some zest to make Satsuma shortbread. Meanwhile, well make a simple syrup and cook the peels down for 30 minutes to candy them. Dry them on the rack over there. Once they cool after 2 hours we’ll dip half in chocolate for garnish. We’ll assemble the plate to look like a painter’s palette and garnish with some crumble toppin’. It’s a fuckload ‘mount a work mate, but its blindin’ mate, fuckin’ blindin.”

“And that’s only one dessert?!” I asked short of breath.

“Right-O Matey” Simon chirped

To this day Simon #2 is one of the most professional, fast, clean, honest, and fucking funny cooks I have had the pleasure to work for. Only 21 at the time, he could work circles around anyone (including myself) and had the drive and focus necessary to become a successful chef.

It became clear within 15 minutes that an air and level of professionalism existed that I had never experienced. The Assiette of Satsuma summed up the skill, tact, creativity, and expectation of Chef Martin’s cuisine. Everything was butchered and prepared in house. Local hunters and fisherman would drop off freshly killed and dressed whole pigs, venison, fish, and live scallops. Influenced by his Latvian mother’s wholesome cooking, Martin stumbled into cooking and was classically trained. His techniques were classical French yet often with a Latvian twist such as a beautiful Borsht terrine with chunks of boar cheek meat or a braised and stuffed pig trotter with hoof attached before it was in vogue.

He also had a keen creative eye for updating English classics such as Boiled Egg and Soldiers (soft boiled egg in shell with toast points for dipping). I had no clue of the English childhood classic when asked, but was handed a hacksaw and a dozen duck eggs. I was to evenly score the top 1/3 of a duck egg with the hacksaw. Once scored enough the top should evenly break off…which, of course was bullshit. I must of broke 15 before I presented one that I thought was acceptable. Simon #1 looked at quickly and threw it in the garbage without saying a word. Once the top was removed the duck eggs where softly scrambled with truffles and place back into the shell on a small stand, topped with Osetra Caviar and served with buckwheat blinis- his signature dish. He also recreated the savor dish as a sweet intermezzo on the tasting menu. I would fill the egg with a sweeten creme pate then top with a dollop of mango puree to emulated an egg, place on a stand, and serve with precisly cut shortbread.

Four factors separate a Michelin Stared restaurant from the places I had worked in the past:

1. Details. Each step in the preparation process was meaningful and crucial. For example, whether you segmented a satsuma, seared a piece of meat or passed a sauce through a sieve, each step had to be exexcuted precisly in order to get to the next.

2. Zero shortcuts. I cut many corners at my previous jobs (i.e lazy) whereas a shortcut wasn’t an option or even part of these chefs vocabulary. For example, dessert sauces were passed through a sieve at least 3 times, seasoned and reseasoned then tasted by the chef. Moreover, I wasn’t allowed to scoop the ice cream for 3 weeks because my quenelles weren’t up to the sous chefs standards.

3. Intensity. The days began at 7:30 and every move I made in the kitchen was critical in order t be set up on time. Meaning, I had to have a perfectly organized list of steps on a daily basis or I simple wouldn’t be ready. We busted as from 7:30 until end of linch at 2 pm and would be back at 3:30 or work straight through until around 11 pm. Saturday nights we basically sandblasted the kitchen until about 1 am.

4. Respect. Everyone I encounter had an amazing amount of respect for Marin and Sian. No one talked shit about the chef (this was new to me). Respect that didn’t have to be spoke of, it was simply there. Both worked harder than any of their employees while carrying themselves in a humble manner. Myself, nor any employee wanted to make a mistake because ultimately it would be letting Martin down- this is ultimate respect.

These factors were standard throughout the establishment. From the time a patron entered the striking foyer they were welcomed with professional courtesy by Sian and the predominetly French front of the house crew. An appetif and an assortment of housemade biscuits and savory petite fours were presented in the elegant lounge area. Gauging the ease of each guest a menu was casually presented and orders were placed at their leasure. Sometimes guests spent up to two hours conversing and drinking from the extensive cellar before moving into the dining area. Each piece of stemware, glass, napkin, and service had to echo the kitchen in order to maintain the 2-star rating. Michelin critics are anonymous, thus each guest was assumed to be a critic.

Looking back it was more than just a restuarant, it was their home. When they welcomed someone into the dining room or their staff you became an extension of their family. Doors away were the family bedrooms making it was impossible for an employee or a patron not to feel an intimate connection with the Blunos and the Lettionie experience.

Notes From the Culinary Addict

Yogism From James (my teacher): “Breathe or Die“

Recent 12-Step Meeting Quote: “Wherever I went I was unfortunately there.”

-After 9-11, Bath and Lettionie was hit hard with a recession. Sian Blunos began to have medical problems. Martin decided to lose a star and move into the city for a more casual environment that would take Sian off the floor. It proved to be the right call. They had a daughter Coco which inspired Sian to write a cookbook, meanwhile, Martin is one of the more recognized celebrity chefs in the UK. Max, one of their sons is a badass drummer and has played for a couple of metal bands such as Trigger The Bloodshed.

- Simon #1 and Simon #2 decided half-heartily to become a chef. Most students in England finish school at 16 then enroll in a 2-year college program which is somewhat specialized. They decided to try cooking because they didn’t know what to do. Thus it was the profession they choose at an early age and began working out of their program at age 18.

-Simon #2 went on to work at a 1-star restaurant on some exotic island. I attempted to write his mother to find him to no avail. My letters were returned. Apparently, I had the wrong address. He was relatively famous in London for surviving a near fatal blowtorch explosion in a popular one-star establishment. Apparently there was a leak in a blowtorch that was left on a hot stove. Both the executive chef and he realized it at the same time and had a ‘get the fuck out’ look. The chef made it out, but Simon#2 didnt. It blew him across the room into the soom shelving were he broke some bones as well as blowing a significant hole in the ceiling into the dining room.

-Simon was paid $180 pounds a week

-Absolutely NOTHING was wasted in this kitchen. The hogs head was rendered for gelatin and Simon#1 would spend an hour scraping the little scraps of venison meat between the outer rib bones to use for family meal. Occasionally they would bring in a ‘treat’ such as hagass for a meal. It really is the nastiest product I’ve eaten.

-All of the waiters were French and pretty much pussies.

-Speaking of the word pussy, the English believe that word to be a horrfying use of the vernacular, however, they truly embrace the word cunt. They use the word like we use ass or asshole.

-Sexual humor and sarcasim are the norm in England which is fitting for the kitchen environment. Plus, sexual harrassment was accepted by both men and woman. My father was managing a large natural gas company and the holiday party was costume related. One of his managers came dressed as Bill Clinton with a blow-up sex doll strapped around his waste dressed as Moninca Lewinsky giving him a blowjob via a strap-on.

England Kitchen Quotes:

-Occasionally while amy was bending over in the kitchen Simon #2 would dry-hump her. She would respond, “Your limp dick couldn’t get a sheep off.”

–We often listened to BBC rock radio (Martin had great taste in music)while setting up (no music during service) which has a wide spectrum of genres. For example, a tune from Sparklehorse will be followed by Radiohead then Alanis Morisette. One day I was prepping for lunch and Martin was washing his hands directly in front of my window singing along to an unforgetable tune by Alanis. I asked in a ,”What do you think of Alanis?” He pondered for a few moments and stated, “I’d go in Dry.”

-Another day fucking Elton John came on the radio. I asked Simon #2 his thoughts on the Crocodile Rocker. He said, “He’s okay for a chutney ferret.” “A WHAT!?!?” “You know, a chutney ferret.” “No, I have no idea what a chutney ferret is.” I said. He expalined, “Gay guys like to place fruit chutney up their asses and have their pet ferrets get up there and eat it.”

Search Engine Terms (words that lead someone to this blog for whatever reason): Mushroom Trip Bonfire

Band Name of the Week: The Creamy

Present Pandora Kitchen Selection: Vincente Fernandez