Life Guide: The Complete Cynic's Guide to Life

Great Mark Twain quote

2010-02-12T09:31:00.000-08:00

Mark Twain: Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one. | Quotes Inspirational

National Brotherhood Week - Tom Lehrer

2010-01-18T23:40:00.000-08:00

National Brotherhood Week - Tom Lehrer

Everyone does what they do, and it is meddling to try to stop them .

2010-01-18T13:49:00.000-08:00

Everyone does what they do, and it is meddling to try to stop them.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. - H. L. Mencken

2009-12-13T18:47:00.001-08:00

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. - H. L. Mencken

2009-12-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. - Dale Carnegie

2009-12-13T17:57:00.001-08:00

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde

2009-12-13T17:11:00.001-08:00

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde quote

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing. - Oscar Wilde

2009-12-13T17:10:00.001-08:00

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing. - Oscar Wilde

Yesterday is like a dung heap.

2009-05-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday is like a dung heap. You can complain about the smell of you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Moderating the Anger Response Through Training

2009-05-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

You probably can't hit a baseball as well as Albert Pujols. Why? Certainly major league players were born with some level of physical advantage over the rest of us, but most of their skill comes from training - relentless training, year after year. Imagine a baseball coming toward you at a hundred miles per hour - that's less than a half second from pitcher's hand to catcher's mitt. Decide whether to swing. Then decide how to swing. Then actually swing the bat. All in less than a half second. Does Albert think about swinging the bat? I doubt it. That quick a reaction has to be instinctive. Instincts are something we are born with, right? In this case, no. The instinctive response Albert now has to the approach of a fast moving baseball is the result of years of training.

Most people think that anger is an instinctive response, and that some people were just born with the temperament to get angrier faster than others. That statement is half right. Anger is an instinctive response. We respond to an affront with anger in the same time as a pitched baseball reaches the batter - essentially instantaneously - much too quickly for conscious thought to be called upon. But the instinct of the anger response can be trained in the same way as a batter's response is trained - through conscious repetition, visualization, and coaching. Visualization is seeing the event we desire to master in our mind's eye. We see the approaching baseball or the antagonistic action as if it were real, and then mentally practice our response.

During his training, a baseball player strives to make each swing better than the last. The repetition of a faulty swing would be worse than useless. It would ingrain bad habits. The same is true of emotional responses. If we allow ourselves to continue to have the same angry responses, we just entrench our anger habit. But if we strive - through consciousness, visualization, and coaching - to moderate our anger response over time, we can train ourselves to respond to events as we choose, without anger. You can't magically be free from anger tomorrow, but you can put yourself on a training program that will reduce the frequency and intensity of your anger response day by day, year by year.

My training advice for moderating the anger response is:

1. Consciously practice responding with a little less anger each time a situation provokes you.

2. Practice visualizing aggravating situations and rehearse the response you choose to make to such events.

3. Have patience. It took you years to get so angry. It may take years to reduce anger down to a minor twinge.

4. Understand that you can never completely eliminate the anger response. Minimizing anger requires lifelong conscious practice.

The preceding advice is intended for those who are quick to anger, and who display their anger outwardly. But what about people who don't appear to anger? Some people who don't show anger have trained themselves to moderate their anger response, but many others internalize their anger rather than expressing it. While withheld anger may save family and friends from having to endure an outburst, unexpressed anger is even more damaging to its owner than is anger that is verbalized and acted upon.

For those who suffer from repressed anger, there must be an intermediate stop along the path from anger to freedom. First the anger must be expressed. While I believe that most people can significantly reduce the frequency and intensity of their anger responses through the training steps above, overcoming repressed anger is usually not a do-it-yourself proposition. Professional counseling - often including the physical expression of anger in a controlled environment - can reveal and heal the childhood traumas which triggered the lifelong habit of repressing intense anger and hostility. Once a person has become able to express their anger, it becomes imperative to immediately begin moderating that response, with the goal of feeling no anger, either repressed or outward.

The view that there are benefits to anger has become common, but I believe that statements such as, "When anger is channeled and controlled, it can be a catalyst for much positive change," represent a distorted view toward the anger response. The argument goes that if we didn't get angry, we would become pushovers, but the assumption that we can have values and stand up for those values only by getting angry is faulty.

The other view toward anger, with which I totally concur is, "Anger is now known to be quite detrimental to us physically and psychologically." We don't need anger to be assertive any more than we need a stiff drink in order to stand up for our beliefs. As a example, if someone doesn't repay a loan to me, I can be assertive in demanding the repayment, or I can bring legal action to recover the money, at least as well if I am not angry. And more important, I will be far healthier, both physically and emotionally.

Anger is a destructive emotion that becomes instinctive over the years. Through conscious training, the anger response - whether in the form of outbursts or repressed - can be moderated over time, until it is virtually eliminated.

The Most Despised Minority in America

2009-03-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

This is America, and we aren't supposed to hate anyone because they are a minority, are we? Actually, we have been getting better lately with regard to many minorities - but not all. Electing Barack Obama President of our United States is evidence that being black has become a respectable distinction for a significant majority of Americans. 8% of the Members of Congress are Black compared with 13% of the population - getting closer. Having one woman as a vice-presidential candidate and another as a serious presidential contender affirms that being a woman is also considered acceptable, even though only 16% of Congress is female.

Being Hispanic is fairly well accepted with 5% of Congress representing 15% of the population. Being Jewish has actually become distinguished, as 7% of Congress represents the 1% of the population who are Jewish. A Gallup Poll reports that only 4% of Americans have a negative view of Jews compared with 23% who have a negative view of Evangelical Christians.

Are Gays the most despised minority? Their situation is still grim, but it isn't the worst. Because many gays, lesbians, and bisexuals fear divulging their status, various studies indicate that anywhere from 4% to 15% of Americans are LGBT. Three members of Congress are openly gay. That is a vast under-representation, even though more Representatives may not yet have declared themselves.

So who is most despised? One strong candidate for the title "Most Despised Minority in America" is Atheists, Agnostics, Humanists, and the others who comprise the group unfortunately termed "non-believers." While "non-believer," in this case, refers to a "non-belief" in a super-human deity, it, like other negative terms, automatically carries a stigma, as would "non-white," "non-male," or "non-Christian."

How many "non-believers" are there in America? This question is even harder to answer than how many Gays, because it appears to be socially unacceptable to state that one is an Atheist or Agnostic. Though the estimates vary widely, 10-12% of all Americans and 20-25% of those aged 18-30 identify themselves as "non-believers," depending very heavily on how the question is phrased. When the poll offers three choices, belief in "God," belief in "universal spirit," or belief in neither, the number who don't believe in "God" jumps to over 20%. 20% of Americans is a huge number to be despised. For comparison, the US Census reports that only 13% of Americans are Black, and only 15% Hispanic.

As evidence of the prejudice against freethinkers ("non-believers"), a poll indicates that only 14% believe that America would accept an Atheist President, while 84% believe we would not. There is only one member of Congress, Representative Pete Stark of California, who openly acknowledges not believing in "God." This is not a lot of representation for 10-20% of our population. How many members of Congress are "closet non-believers?" Who knows. Pete Stark has represented a district near San Francisco since 1973, but only in 2007 announced his non-belief. Would others make similar announcements if doing so were not political suicide? One group suggests that 21 members of congress are closet non-theists.

Freethinkers tend to keep a low profile and not join with others who share similar beliefs partly because they are independent-minded people, and partly out of fear of reprisal for openly acknowledging their belief system. The Freedom From Religion Foundation, the largest association of freethinkers (atheists and agnostics) in the United States, is one of very few that actively work to protect the rights of freethinkers. One of the projects of FFRF is documenting a few of the widespread hateful deeds and words against freethinkers, such as comparing non-belief in a super-human deity to Nazi war crimes or the activities of the Ku Klux Klan or Al-Qaeda.

As more evidence of prejudice, the response when the group tries to display a billboard with the simple message, "Imagine No Religion," is outrage. Billboard companies refuse to rent space, and religious extremists respond with vicious baseless propaganda such as, "Why Do Atheists Hate America?"

Where do we go from here? How long will it be before every American has access to their full rights of citizenship, including free speech, separation of church and state, and proportionate representation?

Gratitude - I am so blessed to be an American living in 2009

2009-03-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

I live in a country with an long established tradition of free speech and freedom of and from religion. I have the right to say anything I choose - as long as my speech does not incite hatred or such. I have the right to choose my relationship with Spirit - which rituals I will observe and which I will not. I give thanks that America has no state agency to ensure that I bow to the east at scheduled times or that I show up to listen to someone's particular version of the hereafter. I am equally thankful that my personal communion with Spirit is not forbidden - even if my beliefs and practices are not those of the majority.

Why would I bother expressing my gratitude? Because these freedoms are not inherent to the nature of life. Freedom of speech and religion are not common in the world even today, and they were less common in earlier times. Far more important, these freedoms are under attack in America today. There are more than a few Americans who would choose to suppress these rights. Perhaps you remember the comics published in Denmark that parodied Allah? The reaction from some was to call for the murder of the comics' authors. But is that so alien to America. Are we strong enough in our support of our American freedoms to support and encourage those who parody religious beliefs and practices that are common in America? Are we strong enough to encourage all sincere religious beliefs and practices however different they may be from the majority? Are we individually confident enough in our personal beliefs that we do not feel that they require government sanction to retain validity? Do Americans in 2009 still have the strength and generosity, as our American forefathers did, to allow others the right to hold beliefs that differ from our personal beliefs?

America is a magnificent country. Amazing things happen here. Electing a president from a racial minority is a magnificent accomplishment. Having a woman in serious contention for the presidency was also a great indicator of acceptancy. We have come so far. And yet, in the area of religious freedom, we appear to be in danger of stepping backward. I fear that America is not yet ready to elect a Buddhist or Atheist President, but I hold that one day America will accept religious differences as easily as racial and gender differences.

Tax Time

2009-03-11T05:21:00.000-07:00

April 15

Tax time, tax time, pile the papers in stacks time.
Fill in ten-forty from double-U four.
Seventeen piles on the living room floor.
The doc that is missing's the one that I need.
I saw it last Summer I pitifuly plead.

Procrastinate, procrastinate, it's later than I think.
I'll do it tomorrow, it's nice out today.
I've still got a week, then it's only one day.
It's too early, too late, I have work, I have play.
There's no end to excuse. Won't that tax go away.

Meddling - 5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Offering Helpful Advice

2009-02-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

Meddling - 5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Offering Helpful Advice
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Again, I found myself meddling in the affairs of others. All too often my intention to be supportive and generous runs amok. In the aftermath, I tell myself that I will never do that again, but I do. Actually, I wouldn't want it any other way. The line between "helpful" and meddling is so easy to cross. The only way that I could ensure that I never meddled would be to completely disavow being helpful.

Byron Katie speaks of "my business, your business, and God's business." Everything that happens in the world, or doesn't happen, is NOT my responsibility. There are more than enough things that are my responsibility. I am responsible for my thoughts, my beliefs, and my actions - and that is enough. It does not serve me to mind anyone else's business. I can only make myself unhappy by trying to second guess what anyone else thinks or does.

That's all easy enough to say in the abstract, but when the other person is our friend, spouse, parent, adult son or daughter, or co-worker, it doesn't come at all naturally to remain detached. For many of us, staying in our own business requires a lifetime of self-reminders.

Often we meddle out of a sincere desire to help another, so how can we know when we have gone too far? We have overstepped our bounds whenever we cross the line from assisting others in getting what they want to believing that we know better than they what they SHOULD want.

Through painful experience, I have found five questions to ask myself to help determine whether I am providing assistance or meddling.

1. Did the other person ask for help, advice, or opinion? If the answer is No, then I am meddling. The first and greatest rule is,

Unsolicited Advice Is Always Meddling

2. Even if the person has broadcast a request for help or advice, did they ask for MY advice? When someone is drowning, they will accept a life-ring thrown by a stranger, but advice is only appreciated if the asker fully trusts and respects the advisor.

3. Do I fully respect the other person? While I can responsibly make decisions for a child or a senile person, it is pure meddling for me to believe that I know better than another competent adult how they should live their life. As an example, trying to find friends for someone who has clearly expressed a preference for solitude is meddling.

4. Is the issue a question of belief? Proselytizing is always meddling. My beliefs about religion, politics, the best natural supplements, or whatever, are just my personal beliefs, nothing more. If someone ASKS, I am happy to share about what gives my own life joy and meaning, but whenever I attempt to convert someone else's beliefs, I must be very clear that I am doing it for my own gains, and not as a service to the other.

5. Have I previously attempted to assist this person with this same issue in the past? If I have been asked again, and if I find a different way to be helpful, it's not meddling, but if I continually offer the same advice for the same problem, it crosses the line into meddling.

Compassion and generosity may well be the greatest human virtues, but it is also important to avoid letting these noble instincts cause inadvertent harm to those we want to help.

Who Leads the Happier life, the Cynic or the Believer? A Look at Both Perspectives

2009-01-21T12:27:00.000-08:00

Who Leads the Happier life, the Cynic or the Believer? A Look at Both Perspectives
- jonathan lockwood huie

First, let's define both "Cynic" and "Believer," as both words are more likely to provoke emotional reaction than thoughtful analysis.

When I use the term Cynic, I simply mean someone who holds the opinion that people are motivated wholly by self-interest. Do not confuse the factual definition of Cynic with the ill-spirited description, "a sneering and sarcastic faultfinding critic."

By Believer, I mean someone who has religious faith, and more particularly someone who believes that the nature of God is to watch over their well-being, and that "good" will triumph over "evil" in the end.

The Believer begins the race with a big head start toward happiness. The world is good - someone kindly and supremely powerful is looking out for their best interests. Surely there is no cause for worry or fear. It is easy to be an optimist when one can depend upon a great and benevolent celestial parent.

The Cynic knows that all creatures - human and other animals - are driven solely by their own desires to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. Compassionate and other cooperative behaviors create their own reward. Cooperation increases the probability for survival and reproduction, so that instinct has been strengthened through evolution. Most people upon seeing an injured person by the roadside would experience pleasure in aiding that person, but experience pain in leaving that person to die. It's not noble, it's an evolved instinct - a very useful instinct that helps ensure the continuation of the human race.

Now consider what happens when life fails to meet our expectations.

The Believer is shocked. How could God let this terrible thing happen. Bad things aren't supposed to happen to good people. Disappointment and confusion reign. Did I do something to displease God? Is God perhaps not totally kind and benevolent? Is God not omnipotent? Perhaps this is just my trial by fire - the test of my faith. Surely I will find my reward in the next life.

If the Believer can regain their faith in the benevolence and omnipotence of their Celestial Father, happiness is certainly possible. Given an unwavering faith, one can withstand any circumstance with serenity. However, for those who begin to ask, "Why me, God?" great emotional suffering lies ahead.

The Cynic already knows that unexpected events occur often. People die or become crippled more often than they win the lottery. Life just happens. For the Cynic, the path to happiness lies in making a conscious choice for happiness, even in the face of whatever circumstances life throws in their path.

So who is happier?

Perhaps happiest is the Believer who can hold unswerving faith in the face of all the obvious realities in this world that contradict that faith. A childlike trust in the power of ultimate goodness can create miracles of happiness.

However, happiness is easiest for the Cynic, because there are no contradictions in his or her world. The Cynic understands that if there is to be happiness, it must be self-generated, and the Cynic accepts that responsibility willingly.

The brunt of the world's emotional suffering is born by those who label themselves Believers, but whose faith cannot survive the test of reality, and who succumb to the cry, "It's just not fair. Why me God, why me?"

The "Spousal We" and 6 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover

2009-01-11T10:22:00.001-08:00

The "Spousal We" and 6 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You really want to end your relationship, but you don't have the courage to say so directly. What to do? Here is a tongue-in-cheek list of ways to force your partner to make the break first.

1. Use the "Spousal We": "We need to remember to take out the garbage." "Didn't we make a fool of ourself at the party last night." Deft use of the "spousal we" can be like the final twist on a death jab. The other items on this list are like sharp knives, but the "spousal we" really finishes the job with a flourish.

2. Use guilt: Be clear that "guilt" is a verb. It is a weapon that can be used very effectively on your partner. Make sure that they always know how "wrong" they are, and how "unfair" their every action is. Their very existence is wrong and unfair.

3. Use sarcasm: Sarcasm works so well it's almost unfair - sort of like a cluster bomb. "Well, I see we are still watching TV." Triple whammy - guilt, sarcasm, and the spousal we. Great work.

4. Make an endless "honey do" list: It is important to emphasize how "fair" you are being. List everything you contribute to the relationship - pad the list as much as you can. Then just ask your other to do "one little thing." Make sure that it's not a one time task that can be accomplished and forgotten. No - the "one little thing" must be something that needs to be done frequently, so you can nag just as frequently. "We need to remember to..." should become your favorite phrase. Next week - or tomorrow - add another "one little thing" to the list. Never ever let anything be finished and taken off the list.

5. Act jealous: When you take on acting jealous, it is important to become very angry. This isn't teasing or flirting, this is irrational anger. Make sure that you express your anger randomly. Just pick some very ordinary person in some very ordinary situation as the catalyst, and then let your rage fly at your other. Say you just came out of a restaurant, and you are driving home. "Weren't we just something in there. I saw how you looked at that waitress/waiter. You practically had them undressed with your eyes. I was SO embarrassed. You should be SO ashamed. ..." You get the idea. REALLY lay it out. Your partner is just despicable. Make sure they get the message.

6. Have concealed expectations: If this sounds like concealed weapons, you got the idea, because expectations are powerful weapons in the relationship battle. It's important never to let your other know how they "should" behave until after the fact. Then you can say "we should have known that I only like pink roses." "How could we not come home early on a day I'm feeling depressed?" "It's my birthday, and we get me socks?"

7. Go shopping: This one is a double barreled shotgun. You get to aggravate your partner into leaving, and you get some stuff to take with you. You could just run up the credit card yourself, but you can punish your partner even better by "guilting" them into doing the buying - and than you can criticize them for spending too much - without offering to take back what they bought you, of course.

Congratulations. You will be living alone in no time.

Now that you know how to lead an unhappy life, read How To Be Happy - 7 Secrets for a Happy Life.

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The meaning of life

2008-11-24T11:32:00.001-08:00

You wanna know the meaning of life? Fugedaboudit - It ain’t happnin.

Raccoon

2008-11-24T11:14:00.001-08:00

Today's affirmation--
I am like a raccoon - I am rabid, mean-spirited, and my ultimate purpose in life is to get wrapped around your head and make it hot.

Life Guide: The Complete Cynic's Guide to Life

Great Mark Twain quote

National Brotherhood Week - Tom Lehrer

Everyone does what they do, and it is meddling to try to stop them .

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. - H. L. Mencken

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. - H. L. Mencken

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. - Dale Carnegie

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing. - Oscar Wilde

Yesterday is like a dung heap.

Moderating the Anger Response Through Training

The Most Despised Minority in America

Gratitude - I am so blessed to be an American living in 2009

Tax Time

Meddling - 5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Offering Helpful Advice

Who Leads the Happier life, the Cynic or the Believer? A Look at Both Perspectives

The "Spousal We" and 6 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover

The "Spousal We" and 6 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The meaning of life

Raccoon

The "Spousal We" and 6 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie