The Cliterature Blog

Music Legs

2012-05-16T19:46:00.003-07:00

This was on the packaging for some gloves I ordered off Amazon.

I can actually understand why the model is showing of the gloves while not wearing any other clothes.

What I don't understand is why mesh gloves are going by the name "Music legs"

2012-05-04T14:47:00.001-07:00

American Apparel always liked to show a little skin and boob, but in the absence of boob it feels a bit pedophilic.

Fab.com and Gun Chic Cliches

2012-05-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

I am getting very very tired of Fab.com featuring design after design based on guns. Even if you are not disgusted by gun chic and gangster kids shooting other innocent kids on a daily basis it is a design cliche.

Time to try just a little harder, please?

The same could be said for the perky but clearly generic reply I got when I emailed them about this concern. If you aren't going to make any effort to personalize the response you might as well use an auto-responder that says: 'we want your money, not your opinions'.

Examples shown are from today's Fab email, similar examples from (on average) every Fab email over the last month.

Beauty

2012-04-06T16:17:00.001-07:00

I have decided to be an expert in "beauty", because this is apparently a good way to get free stuff. I shall henceforth say "beauty" quite a lot. Not that I am sure what "beauty" is as a category. I think it may be code for "unnecessary products for insecure women".

But I still want it.

Simple

2012-04-05T16:05:00.001-07:00

I am not entirely sure what is happening to the word "Simple", at least in relation to women.

Real Simple magazine seems to be mainly about making pointless things, buying pointless things, and following trends. And men, well, they are actively dis-invited from reading it.

And Simple cleansing comes in wipes in a plastic container.

That said, I have them because I used Klout and got offered them as a free "perk"--which isn't actually very simple to begin with.

And I kind of liked them, and I liked the idea of simple natural ingredients.

Above the fold is says: vitamins, alcohol (no oils), no perfumes or dyes.

Then, under the fold of the packaging seal I read the ingredients:

water (okay)
cetearyl isononanoate
panthernol,
glycerin,
glyceryl stearate,
cetearyl alcohol,
ceteareth-20,
ceteareth-12,
sodium citrate,
2-bromo-2-nitroprpane-1,3-diol,
disodium EDTA,
phenoxyethanol,
methylparaben,
propylparaben (what?)

If that's simple, I'd hate to see complicated.

Dear Klout and Boticca

2012-04-05T12:28:00.001-07:00

Twenty-five dollars off a forty dollar purchase is not a "credit".

A credit is a "balance in a person's favor in an account"--not a reduction in cost.

This offer is, at best, a coupon.

Hoodies=Mini-Skirts for Men

2012-03-28T16:14:00.001-07:00

Think about it.

The old stupidity was that:
1) If a girl wears a mini-skirt (about to be banned in Indonesia BTW)
2) she is gagging to have sex with anyone (slut)
3) so it's okay to rape he no matter what else she does or says.

Now we have a new stupidity so men also get to experience victim-blaming clothing-based excuses for violence:
1) If a boy wears a hoodie
2) he is a violent criminal (thug)
3) so it is okay to report, follow, harass and ultimately shoot him no matter what else he does or says.

Pinterest loses a few decimel points

2012-03-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

[Source]

Black Ice

2012-03-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

A car air freshener called Black Ice.

Isn't that a bit like a dog food brand called Rabies, or a running shoe called Broken Bottle.

I mean, this is pretty much exactly something you and your car don't want to come across?

Smells like misfortune, possibly leading to traumatic injury or death?

Do you need a bag for your awkward eupemisms?

2012-03-16T17:51:00.001-07:00

That must be what this bag is for right? This blue flowery bag? Somewhere to put stray words that are causing you public embarrassment due to their complete lack of intrinsic meaning?

I mean: "Necessities Courtesy Bag". The only word that means anything there is "bag". And how on earth do you trademark the word "necessities"?

And don't even get me started on "your needs away from home". Unless this bag contains oxygen, food and a very large Tazer it ain't even coming close to meeting my needs away from home.

Seems... not quite right somehow

2012-03-06T18:21:00.000-08:00

Wonder Woman Food Mixer

I [Heart] Jim Rash

2012-02-27T19:25:00.000-08:00

Tumbador Chocolates

2012-02-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

I rather liked the idea of chocolates named after the cardinal sins. But I wonder of Tumbador is making some kind of comment by giving me an extra dose of "pride" (and a missing "envy"--which makes some kind of sense). And I couldn't tell sloth and wrath apart, visually (which doesn't).

Jumping the Shark, Literally

2012-02-16T13:47:00.000-08:00

Dark Tide, apparently starring Halle Berry's boobs (see poster) is apparently going straight to video (on demand)--no cinema release. This is despite a budget of about 25 mill. It must *really* suck.

I would normally give more of a damn, but the poor sharks don't really need any more of this 'blood in the water' horror crap. Mr Whitebread McLoveinterest is even wearing Martin Brody's (Jaws) glasses.

JCPenney and what little girls are made of

2012-01-26T13:52:00.000-08:00

The first two pictures from JCP's new 're-branding'

Girls are made of:
pink, high heels, romance, jewelry, pussy cats

Boys are made of:
blue, uniforms, noise, outdoors, happy

Can you call it a 'wedding dress'...

2012-01-20T12:06:00.001-08:00

....when you aren't really 'dressed'?

2012-01-16T17:25:00.001-08:00

{EAV:d368f1bb65cf3049}

Bounce that Dick

2011-12-22T08:46:00.001-08:00

Furry goes mainstream

2011-12-15T11:50:00.000-08:00

What is with the new fad of animal shaped hats? Soft-core furrydom?

See also:

People wearing animal heads freak me out

Who does it better...?

2011-12-10T16:55:00.000-08:00

Marilyn Monroe

Lindsay Lohan

WTF Michaels?

2011-11-29T20:36:00.000-08:00

Michaels thinks the best toy for Christmas is Santa's decapitated head...

with red sprinkles.

WTF, Man.

No presents this year, kids.

New Video: Cocaine

2011-11-12T18:10:00.001-08:00

This this is... um... this.

Almond Paste Cookies

2011-11-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

Must stop eating these, or no one else will get any

Lady Gaga as an oily mermaid; Sure, why not.

2011-11-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

Link

AT&T Customer "Service"

2011-11-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

Step 1:

My land line is not receiving calls, I will let AT&T know.
Oh, gee. A fully automated system. I will punch in the issue and my cell number.
I wonder what will happen next?

Step 2:

Come home from work. Find a note say phone was not fixed because I was not there to let them in at 2pm on a Wednesday. Go figure.
I guess that hang up call that didn't leave a message was the repair person. I will call the number he left.
Oh look, this number is out of service. I guess I will call the number I used before.
I will choose the option for checking on a trouble order.
Oh, this options doesn't actually let you check on a trouble order. I will stab the zero button until I get a person.
The person says the ticket was closed because the phone was fixed.
I will open a new ticket. It seems that the ticket automatically causes a person to come the next day, although it doesn't say that. And if you aren't there they just pretend to have fixed the phone.
Oh well, can we narrow down the time they will be there?
12 to 4, or 2 to 6pm.
Yes, well. How convenient. I guess I will just get up at 4am tomorrow in order to finish work by that time.

Sigh.