Five Essential Communication Skills for Calming Conflict

Five Essential Communication Skills for Calming Conflict

When facing a difficult conversation with an employee or parent, do you feel a nervous pit deep in your gut? I do, and I’ve been in the Christian school business for a long time! Facing a difficult conversation with a problematic person never gets easy, but it can get easier.

Over the years, I’ve learned to fine-tune the way I prepare for and enter into difficult conversations. I’ve also realized that how I communicate can be as important, and sometimes more so, than what I say.

Effective communication is a leader’s most important skill and responsibility. The ability to persuade, inspire, connect, calm, correct, and teach depends on communication skills. We are responsible for communicating our school’s mission and values persuasively. We share biblical truth and how it applies to people, programs, and policies. We communicate in groups and individually with parents, staff, and students. And we often find ourselves speaking into conflict and controversy. The ability to communicate is a wondrous gift and a powerful tool. James reminds us, “The tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things (James 3:5). We are told in Proverbs, “To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!” and “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver (15:23; 25:11).

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Lost Virtue Words Our Students Need to Rediscover

Lost Virtue Words Our Students Need to Rediscover

Words matter a lot. Words matter because they carry meaning and value and mold individual and cultural behavior. Words reflect and shape worldviews.

The clearest way to see through a culture is to attend to its tools for conversation … one must begin, I think, by pointing to the obvious fact that the written word … has a content … whenever language is the principal medium of communication—an idea, a fact, a claim is the inevitable result. The idea may be banal, the fact irrelevant, the claim false, but there is no escape from meaning when language is the instrument guiding one’s thought ... words have very little to recommend them except as carriers of meaning.⁠

When we change words, we change meaning. When we change meaning, we change thinking. When we change thinking, we change worldviews and values. And, when we change worldviews and values, we change cultures. This is why English author Edward Bulwer-Lytton  proclaimed, "The pen is mightier than the sword."⁠

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Six Things Educators Can Learn From Paul’s Teaching Style

Six Things Educators Can Learn From Paul’s Teaching Style

The College Professor Who Changed My Life.

I vividly remember sheepishly walking into Sociology 101 as a pimply-faced freshman. With fear and anticipation, I walked into my first college class, taught by a Harvard-educated professor. What ensued in that classroom changed my life forever.

For the first six weeks of this class, the professor systematically dismantled the foundation of my Christian faith. I didn’t lose my faith, but my confidence in what I thought I believed was severely shaken. Fortunately, I was in a Christian university and a class taught by a devout Christian professor. His goal was not to destroy my faith but to demonstrate how weak my theological foundation was. He dismantled that inadequate foundation and rebuilt a rock-solid one upon which I could build my life and career.

I will be forever grateful for this professor. He passed, never knowing how God used him in my life.

This story imparts a crucial lesson, particularly for those of us in Christian education. Your teaching and leadership hold profound significance. As a Christian educator, your influence is transformative and enduring. Despite moments of weariness, feelings of ineffectiveness, and criticism or unjust attacks, persevere!

The Six Elements of Paul’s Teaching

Reading through this passage, I noticed six key elements to Paul’s teaching: Attentiveness, Appreciation, Attribution, Assault, Audaciousness, and Abundance.

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An Ivy League Firestorm, "My Truth" and Our Students

An Ivy League Firestorm, "My Truth" and Our Students

The presidents of the University of Pennsylvania, MIT, and Harvard ignited a firestorm after dodging a simple question by Rep. Elise Stefanik, R-N.Y., who asked whether "calling for the genocide of Jews" would violate each school's code of conduct. Liz Magill, President of the University of Pennsylvania, responded, "It is a context-dependent decision." Harvard's president responded similarly. Liz Magill resigned after harsh bipartisan condemnation, blowback from alumni, and the loss of tens of millions of dollars in donations. Subsequently, NBC News reported1 that in a December 6, 2023, video posted on X (formerly Twitter), Magill sought to apologize and explain her answer:

I was not focused on, but I should have been, the irrefutable fact that a call for genocide of Jewish people is a call for some of the most terrible violence human beings can perpetrate … I got caught up in what had become, at that point, an extended, combative exchange about policies and procedures … I failed to convey what is my truth [emphasis added].

"My Truth"

There is much to condemn in the testimony of the Ivy League presidents, not the least of which is their spineless moral equivocation. But, I want to focus on just two words in Liz Magill's video, "my truth."

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We Were Never Promised a Rose Garden

We Were Never Promised a Rose Garden

While trouble in this life is inescapable, we can escape the crucible of excessive worry and anxiety. This is why Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Notice that Jesus said we could have peace in the midst of our troubles. God never promised us a life that was a “rose garden.” While I don’t endorse the entire worldview reflected in Lynn Anderson’s song, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (listen here) there is an element of truth in her lyrics: “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine, there’s gotta be a little rain sometime.

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5 Minutes to Ruin Your Reputation

5 Minutes to Ruin Your Reputation

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.” —Attributed to Warren Buffett

The Lesson of the Cave

Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back are considered among the most significant films of all time, becoming deeply embedded in popular culture. In The Empire Strikes Back, a scene depicts Yoda training Luke Skywalker to be a Jedi Knight. During the training, Yoda and Luke Skywalker approach the entrance to the Dagobah cave. As he nears the entrance, Luke remarks: 

"There's something not right. I feel cold."

Yoda: "That place… is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go."

Luke: "What's in there?"

Yoda: "Only what you take with you." 

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Reflect to Connect

Reflect to Connect

Recording personal reflections is a discipline I have worked to develop over the years. I believe knowing where I’ve come from helps inform where and how I move forward.

This past year, I was blessed to pray for, plan, and oversee a multi-generational family dinner. I arrived early to provide ample time to speak with our server regarding the bill. I planned to cover the meal’s cost, and I wanted as little mention of it as possible not to take away from the dining experience. A final yet crucial consideration was getting my hands on a copy of the menu.

As I watched family members arrive and catch up, I couldn’t help but anticipate the evening ahead. My guidelines were simple: be present, share stories, order dessert first,

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Sports Idolatry-What Message are we Sending Our Children and Students?

Sports Idolatry-What Message are we Sending Our Children and Students?

In the Summer of 2008, I attended the opening ceremonies for a new hockey arena named after my late father. The 1960s era “Teeder Kennedy Arena” was about to be replaced by a beautiful multi-purpose sports complex and I was there representing the Kennedy family.  As a highlight of the dedicatory programme, the master of ceremonies walked cautiously to centre of the rink and solemnly poured a bottle of water on the ice. His voice boomed through the state-of-the-art PA system, “This is an offering to the hockey gods!”

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Educating Students in New Gomorrah

Educating Students in New Gomorrah

We continue slouching towards Gomorrah [emphasis added]. We are well along the road to the moral chaos that is the end of radical individualism and the tyranny that is the goal of radical egalitarianism. Modern liberalism has corrupted our culture across the board. The imperative question is whether there is any possibility of avoiding the condition of Gomorrah. What can halt or reverse the march of modern liberalism? What can keep us from reaching a servile condition punctuated by spasms of violence and eroticism?

We are no longer slouching towards Gomorrah. We have arrived.

Consider our moral decent as reflected in the two photographs below. The first shows a nation that is unashamed of its Christian heritage. The second depicts a nation rejecting that heritage and, in its place, the proud promotion of perversion.

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Leading with a Limp

Leading with a Limp

The email popped up between meetings. I looked at the screen and began to read what one person thought about me in the most unpleasant terms. I put my phone down, and the weight of those words washed over me.

What was written in the email was a personal attack. It was an opinion (albeit unpleasant), and that’s all. I knew the harsh accusations weren’t true. But they hurt anyway. I picked up my phone and reread the email. I know, that was a mistake.

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