The Checkout Girl

Dear Strippers: You Will Be Getting Coins In Your Slot Until My Book Deal Comes Through. I’ll Try To Warm Them In My Hand First. Sorry. Sexy Love, TCG

thecheckoutgirl — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 00:49:08 +0000

I finally caught the carrot that has been dangled in front of me for almost a year (though they might have had better luck using a Taco Supreme or a picture of Clive Owen, but whatever): I got a raise. I was really excited when the boss told me. Mostly because of how excited she was. [...]

Glad I Didn’t Waste ‘Don’t Cry For Me Avocado’ On Such A Grouch

thecheckoutgirl — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:20:28 +0000

Boss: “Are you even listening to me?” Me: “Oh, um, no. I’m actually up in my head, rewriting Madonna songs to include things found in the store.” Boss: *sigh* “Really?” Me: “Yes. Check it out.” *singing* “Hollandaise! Celebrate! If we took some hollandaise, poured it on our eggs…” Boss: … Me: “Wait! Where are you going? You haven’t heard ‘Like [...]

I’m Not Sure Where Conservatives Stand On This

thecheckoutgirl — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 04:39:21 +0000

Me: “Why are you mad?” Male Coworker: “I’m not.” Me: “Are you sure?” Male Coworker: “Yes.” Me: “Are we still work married?” Male Coworker: *sigh* “Yes.” Me: “Do you still find me work attractive?” Male Coworker: “You know I’m gay, right?” Me: “Yes, but you aren’t WORK gay!”

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Mamas

thecheckoutgirl — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 03:15:22 +0000

A few days ago, Pregzilla handed me an envelope. “What’s this?” “Just open it.” It was a baby shower invitation. I was touched. I even hugged her. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want. I mean, it’s on a Friday at two in the afternoon. So, you know, it’s no big deal. There is a list of [...]

Off The Clock

thecheckoutgirl — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 19:09:58 +0000

This week’s column has been posted at RVA News. In it I give TLC the whatfor, which they have been deserving for QUITE. SOME. TIME. Off The Clock with The Checkout Girl