The Greek Jedi lives on...may the force be with us..

The Greedier-Than-Thou Syndrome

2011-05-16T12:47:00.000+03:00

The truth is that I haven't met a greedier person than the person I'm currently working for. He's so greedy that even if a UFO came to earth with a 20 ton load of gold and gems as a gift offering to him, he still would look for ways to double and triple his treasure trove. It's a known fact that however much we thirst or crave on a physical level our body knows and tells us when we've met our fill or limit. Yet, what I find interesting is that this person currently holds a financial wealth that can comfortably afford to accommodate all his children's' grandchildren - go figure. There can only be one psychological explanation to the reasoning behind this syndrome. This person isn't happy. No matter how much he accumulates or possesses on a material plane, he'll never find an amount that will adequately fill his belly - no matter how big his money vault is (even if it reaches a height that is above the tower of Babel...lol).

The Latest Upon My Return...

2011-05-11T15:40:00.000+03:00

Sorry for my prolonged excursion. I have been in and out of the country fighting off some evil jedi. Actually they had used their Jedi mind trick on me and the effects take some time to wear off.
As you know we're in a deep crisis right now, and the country is in deep shit. It only takes a casual observer to notice this. Just go out on the streets and you're bound to come across a worker's strike or a huge crowd of people rallying for their rights. The now-government(PASOK) has screwed its people over by borrowing from the IMF. Anyway, I won't go into detail about it on this post, but the important thing to remember is that we're debt slaves to them and we need to wake up to this. I came across a nice youtube channel that offers some nice insight on things. One of the many things he discusses has to do with the construct of governments. Make sure to tune in and educate yourself - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcwjqWXTCAY.
Till next time...

The Chaos within has been proven!

2009-05-28T08:58:00.004+03:00

I need not boast over the title of my blog but as I was watching TV the other day a program came on the air that showed proof from actual politicians and experts of how corrupt and chaotic Athens has become since 2004. They showed pictures and cost statistics from that year and compared it to today. I don't have to go into details with regard to the numbers or conditions that were shown, but the truth speaks for itself. The deplorable cesspool that we call Greece has become the black sheep of Europe and has financial experts worried if it will hold out and remain a part of the EuroZone. There was a poignant testimonial from a young law student who highlighted the superior remuneration packages that students get when they start working abroad(outside Greece) after they graduate. He swore that when he finished his studies he would never return back to Greece to find work. And this brings us to our next controversial topic in our conversation, which has to do with the standard of living here in Greece. Aside from the low compensation packages that Greek employers offer the government's debt is so tremendous that they have nothing to spend on fixing up the messhole(environmental issues, etc.) that they've created from their ceaseless borrowing tactics. Anyway, I honestly hope that in some miraculous way we wake up and start making the necessary changes that are needed in order to make our 'home' more livable(for ourselves) and hospitable(for foreigners), or else I don't see much hope for Greece in the years to come. Everyone on that program was saying that things are going from bad to worse. If that's the case I can only predict that the population will start decreasing(mass exodus of people seeking refuge) since only those with strong roots(family businesses that have lasted for generations) will make it alive.

The 'Look-you-up-and-down-Body-language' Syndrome

2009-05-25T11:12:00.004+03:00

First impressions means everything here in Greece. Before you even approach someone or greet someone they'll already have judged you based on your appearance. Greeks have this marvelous gift with their eyes called, "probe-scanning." I came up with that term myself. They'll look you up and down and not give a care in the world if you feel somewhat uncomfortable by their uncalled for innuendos. One indication of this is when they bluntly make a public mockery of you by implying something about your weight or your age. They'll usually ask questions like: "Boy! Did you gain weight? I remember you being lighter." Or, "Wow! you're growing some gray hairs; what are you 50 yrs. old?(when their age in actuality is about a decade younger)" If you've had a similar experience or would like to add something additional to this post, I'm all ears.

The 'Ugly-face-billboard-and-poster' Syndrome

2009-05-23T10:08:00.005+03:00

If you've ever been out driving or walking in the streets of Athens -which obviously you have if you live here- one trademark that you'll see advertised on billboards is the zoomed-in snapshot of some guy's mug(face). Usually they're either individualized or with a group of people. Typically they portray a singer or a performer of some kind who will play at a concert sometime in the near future. Most of the mugshots of those who are being shown publicly are ordinary looking people like you and me; but some of them are just outright uncalled for. OK, I admit it, I've gone a bit overboard with the picture to the left, but I have seen some that come pretty close. Those that you'll see most often typify what I like to call the "John Gotti" look(as you can see from the photo to the right).
It symbolizes quite well the scandalous and fraudulent minded Greeks rather well -not only in their dealings with others but in their looks as well- since that's what they've made known to everyone through advertisements and by word of mouth. Their peculiar gaze helps you see right through them, and their gritty smiles reveals their coarseness. From a physical perspective they mostly display someone with unsymmetrical features(a thick brow area) and with a pair of teeth that definitely need some major dental work. That's why most graffiti artists do them the favor by blackening out some of their teeth and making them look even uglier. I believe these advertisements are a deterrent to tourists and to those who are visiting on business.

The sure way to rid yourself of any Greek-related stress

2009-05-22T07:38:00.002+03:00

Have you ever been taken advantage of by the cannibalistic clutches of the so-called "social justice" system?

Were you ever deceived by someone pretending that he/she was really somebody else and then later to discover that you were scammed into it for the money?

Did you ever get your blood sucked out of you from a jealous blood-thirsty, fraudelnt-minded Greek(figuratively speaking)?

Did you ever get tossed around like some meaningless toy when all you wanted to do was follow what the other person had said to you - knowing full well that it was his/her job to know what he/she was saying to you?

Were you ever lied to to the point where it got you sick realizing that no matter how much you told the other person that he/she was doing so, they kept doing it anyway?

Tired of the typical idiosyncratic obliviousness; and, the eccentric foibles that tend to get under your skin?

Tired of being bamboozled out of your wits?

If your answer to any one of these questions was a resounding "YES" and you would like to let us know your experience, then you can 'vent off' your anger, stress, or whatever feeling it is that you still hold against the person/system by commenting below. Or, you can also navigate to a particular "syndrome" in the 'Archive' section to the left, and whatever is of interest to you just post your own views on what I've already stated.

Whether it be your daily trip to the supermarket or at work I'm sure we've all experienced some form of tension that has left us weak at the knees. Well it's time to step up to the plate and let it all out. If not for the sake of the Greek people at least to let our messages be inscribed here, and for our well-being.

In order for there to be no misunderstandings about the subject matter in which I write, the "Read Me" button at the top(next to home) goes into detail about what the purpose of this blog is, and how to use it. Since there might be some confusing terminology to a few of you, I've outlined some terms and background information that you will need to know as I continue to update this blog. Have fun!

The 'Prostitute-home-way-of-functioning' Syndrome

2009-05-19T09:18:00.010+03:00

A Greek friend of mine told me to write a syndrome with this topic in mind so don't feel offended by the explicitness of the title. Actually the word in Greek - 'Bourdelo'- is less offensive since it is used more synonymously with everyday living. I'm not sure of the actual etymology of the word, but it definitely doesn't carry with it the same implications as is true of its English equivalent. Anyway, according to my friend's opinion -since I casually interviewed him for this piece- the single most intrinsically captivating word that encompasses the ins and outs of Greece's infrastructure and the methods in which things get done would have to be non other than 'Bourdelo.' If you try to picture in your mind what actually goes on in a prostitute home -in a Greek prostitute home- you can pretty much sum up the systemic conditions within every working sector/class as nothing more than deplorable - not that I've ever been in one(bourdelo), but I'm just saying it with the intent of having people use their mind's eye or the power of their imagination.
Take for instance the incendiary fires that keep cropping up almost every summer. It's funny how everybody will tell you the reason as to why these property-hungry arsonists will tear down thousands of acres of wildlife destroying oxygen rich air and entire ecosystems with their fire-frenzied demolition mentality, but on the other hand they'll sit back and not even lift a finger to do something about it. I guess they're content with the way things are and how "permissive" the government is in allowing it to happen. Perhaps they're waiting their turn to light a match and make their dream come true, while on the other hand, they unleash a nightmare that will leave a scar on the earth's surface and kill thousands of animals. But, who's to care? I assume they like living in their 'Bourdelo', without a conscious and without any accountability. All I wish is that those who start fires and burn things out of existence also burn and die in the same manner. That's just one aspect of the 'bourdelo' system here in Greece; there are countless more that I've mentioned before and will soon bear to light.

The 'Open-and-try-first-and-maybe-buy-later' Syndrome

2009-05-17T02:27:00.009+03:00

If you've ever gone shopping in a super-market or any other commercial store I'm sure you'll have observed what I'm about to provide testimony to. And yes, this has happened to me on more than 10 occasions or else I wouldn't be writing to you about it. I'm not saying that this sort of behavior occurs all the time, but for those that have come across it and can relate in some way to what I'm about to recount, then maybe my observations do have some credibility to them. Anyway, this type of animal-like behavior mostly occurs in the supermarket isle where you'll find all sorts of sweets and other tasty goodies(i.e. chips, chocolates, etc.). The most vivid account that I remember was when I actually caught him in the act.
Oblivious as he was to his surroundings, I don't think he minded me being there while he opened the bag of chips. He took a handful and stuffed it in his mouth. The left over pieces were either hanging around his mouth or falling down on the floor next to him, creating a small carpet of chips all around him. After he had enough he threw it back on the rack and walked on as if he had done nothing out of the ordinary. I stood there starring at the open bag wondering if anyone else had seen him. But guessing from the lack of alarm on people's faces I suppose nobody really gave a dam. All the other 'I-make-my-own-samples' scenarios had already occurred, so the only thing that I witnessed was the aftermath of their breadcrumb trail. The part where all you saw was either the opened bag of chips or the half eaten candy bar.

The 'Ability-to-philosophize-about-any-topic' Syndrome

2009-05-14T17:05:00.008+03:00

Pick a subject and I'll show you a Greek who can rip it apart for hours on end without even taking a break between thoughts. It's as if their brains are hard-wired to some collective mind link that gives them their insidious gift of 'tongue-and-hand.' They can tongue lash at it until it turns bloody red, and then use they're 'kung-fu-hand-gestures' to chop it to pieces. They feel they have assimilated all of the knowledge that the world possesses; and have interpreted it in their own unique special kind of way - a way that can only be comprehended by them or someone with whom they've assimilated into their mind link. They don't tell you this upfront but you can easily discern it when they start doing what you see in the picture(the one to the left of the statue). They look down on you like you're some measly ant looking for their guidance.
Just like Socrates was found guilty of corrupting the minds of the youth of Athens and sentenced to death by drinking the conium, so too should those who by their very nature corrupt the fabric that holds the structure of society in order. However, Socrates stood for something more and spoke against the injustices that he saw within the government, and because of his persistence he was considered like a gadfly to them. The reason I brought out the contrasting example of Socrates is so that we can see how two opposing philosophical trends have diverged - the one being mostly made up of the humble ignorant and the other of the arrogant omniscient. I don't think I need to elaborate on who's who - I believe the reader can differentiate between the two.

The 'I'm 40 and I'm still living with my folks' Syndrome

2009-05-14T09:43:00.007+03:00

I can't begin to tell you on how many occasions I've seen it, and yet every time the same scenario continues to ring true without any particular form of embarrassment for the protagonist in our story. I'll elaborate more on the embarrassment portion toward the end of our story, but for now just sit back and read as I try to add a little fiction to this real-life scenario. The Greek fledgling -or protagonist- in our story will proudly bear the name, "Ahortaggomahos." His mission in life -if he chooses to accept it or not- is to try to fight off the abominable conditions and surrounding enemies that his 'Spartacus-like' parents try to train him for. Their graceful mastery of the arts do well in equipping him to ward off many potentially fatal pitfalls. Since they have been tempered for years in the heat of battle they seem to know well the enemy that continues to ostensibly grow in strength and numbers.
As the years passed, Ahortaggomahos eventually started to mature in strength and mind, and showed a fighting spirit that became known to many nearby villagers. His deeds and noble acts were continually recorded in his family's 'book-of-chronicled-acts', something that was passed on from generation to generation and which all families in Greece possessed. It was kept for posterity and to uphold the traditional values that set each family's heritage apart from the rest; because let's face it, the independent spirit that existed back then among them had created a competitive arena whereby each of them was like their very own gladiator fighting for their own space/property. That's why(as a side note-not taking the fictional-based story into consideration) Greece was mostly made up of a conglomerate of independent states that functioned as a whole, and which exists to some extent even today.
Anyway, getting back to our story - Ahortaggomahos found that the odds were against him since each battle with the enemy nearly cost him his life. So he decided that he would live with them until he felt he was safe enough to venture out on his own. He also felt that by living with them he might help to strengthen and protect his family from any unlikely calamity that may befall them, and also to contribute to their overall sustenance and security. His family -also by tradition- pressed him to pursue a lengthy training course that the world had to offer, which would presumably increase his chances of survival - provided that he pass of course.
During the years that he trained he became discouraged at the world around him and so he started to live a life full of debauchery. This behavior led him to squander most of his family's inheritance, which made him a burden to his family since they had to eventually take on his prodigal expenditures and pay off his debts. After many agonizing efforts from his family and friends he eventually rehabilitated himself and graduated at the top of his class. He was 35 years old when he graduated, and soon after he met that special someone that changed his whole life completely. It took him five years to find a job(succeed in combating the system) in his field; after that he later got married to that special someone and moved upstairs from his folks.
In a fictional and hyperbolic kind of way this story tends to highlight how close-knit each Greek family is and also how difficult it is to combat the shark-like Greek capitalist system. The embarrassing element for the protagonist, as I mentioned at the onset of this post, has to do with his public image to those who of foreign mentality view it as improper to live over a third of your life with your folks. Not that having a form of dependence on your folks is a bad thing, it's just that overdoing it may lead others to conjure up all forms of misunderstandings. However, I'll admit that if a foreigner were to grow up in such harsh conditions as is so prevalent(the social system, the justice system, the political system, the economic system, etc. etc. etc.) the case here in Greece, then they too may end up following the same scenario. Who knows?

The 'We-don't-have-money-to-live-but-we-have-enough-to-have-a-good-time' Syndrome

2009-05-10T00:37:00.007+03:00

It's the strangest thing, yet every time I go out to enjoy some form of recreation with my friends and I start talking with new people, there's a side to them that always strikes me as odd. They're sitting here complaining to me that they have no money, and I'm sitting there wondering how in the hell is that possible if he's already put 5 beers on his tab and going on his 6th... Or, there are people from your neighborhood or from your job that you recognize that aren't so well off financially and yet there they are partying their hearts out. It makes you wonder sometimes how they manage to make ends meet by the end of the month. However, one things for sure, either they're spending their whole paycheck in recreational activities, or they've found a second source of cash(e.g. loan, stolen money, black money, etc.) that they're not telling you about - or keeping hush-hush for reasons of self preservation.
The good thing though is that Greece is one of the few countries that provides non-stop entertainment which caters to those who by trade are commonly known as - the good-entertainment-goers('kaloperasakides'). These people typically have a sinecure that keeps them preoccupied for perhaps an hour or so a day, and which allows them the time they need to rest up for the fun that they're about to experience. It's like they've all found their niche in life, and whatever form of entertainment gives them the satisfaction of being happy they put all other things aside and dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to doing what they're best at - having fun. That's all fine and dandy but what mystifies me about the whole equation is how do they find the 'mooolahh'..cause in order to afford the price tag of being a 'good-entertainment-goer' these days you also need some hefty buying power. Maybe each of them have applied to a personal loan that helps them finance their 'party-going' spirit. Oh if only we could all experience such fun!

The '700-euros-is-all-you-get' Syndrome

2009-05-06T07:40:00.010+03:00

This syndrome applies more to those in office who are responsible for formulating the legislative law concerning the compensation people should get as opposed to what they deserve. This syndrome is also commonly known to many as the 'the-700-euro-generation.' It basically represents the amount of money most people typically get as their monthly salary. As pathetic of an amount as it may sound it's actually what the government considers to be a just amount of money. I hate to sound ironic but when you try and put two and two together(the cost of living and your salary) you'll realize that the scales of justice are lopsided and that they tend to lean in favor of those who are in power and whose pockets are full of bribes and ill profited gains. It's a sad truth and yet everyone who confesses it seems too downtrodden to try and do anything about it. Even if you did succeed in mustering up more than the common monthly salary, when it comes time for you to submit your tax returns, and you end up showing an income that is above 13,000 a year, then the government has to fine you for making -what they consider to be- 'too much money.' Again, as I've mentioned in some of my previous posts concerning government regulations, it seems that the government wants to find a way to control its citizens from making a descent living, and to make up excuses or laws that would allow them to profit off of those who overstepped their so-called monetary boundaries. Personally, I'm not affected by this since most of the income that I generate is tax-free and comes from online endeavors - all of which don't get accounted for since there's no corresponding store-front location.

The 'Follow-the-herd' Syndrome

2009-05-04T11:27:00.005+03:00

Next time you pack your bags to go somewhere -especially away from Athens- don't let people's stereotypical travel behavior sway you from making your own decision - it may actually save you from going the distance, rather than getting stuck for hours behind the honk-yell-and-grind turmoil that seems so prevalent to those who just like to follow the herd. Trying to get them to leave Athens and go to their villages in an organized manner is like herding frogs. Don't get me wrong, getting away from Athens is every person's dream come true, as much as it is mine, but when faced with the dismal nightmare of having to face a Pandora's box along the way, then the journey doesn't seem so worthwhile when compared to the destination. You've probably heard the saying, 'when you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.' Well, in this situation I'd rather stay in the kitchen than get trampled on by a stampede of bellicose Greeks. It's not to say that other nationalities don't get involved in their own 'wild-pack' excursions, but at least they do it in a more civilized manner. Take for instance German people; when it comes time for them to go on their designated holiday trip they make sure to take some stuff with them that they can use to enjoy the occasion of having to wait in traffic for long periods of time. They even park their cars and make a picnic on the side of the road where they can enjoy food & drink with their families. It's more like a festive occasion for them, and waiting is something delightful - not a drive-you-off-the-side-of-the-road type of mentality.
Don't worry you've got over 300 other days to choose from in order to get your 'get-the-hell-out-of-Athens' breather. Plus, even if you're stuck here and everybody has gone out of sight, at least you don't have the hustle and bustle of everyday city life trampling on your senses.
This 'follow-the-herd' mentality is also popular with things that the government gives a deadline for. For instance, if a new tax law comes out or a new ordinance is issued, people flock like the salmon of Capistrano to make sure they're in the safe zone and not in kahoots with them(the gov.). Or if there's a big rugby game and the tickets get sold out, people will still assemble like termites to a freshly peeled piece of wood and surround the stadium. Just don't go anywhere within a 3 mile radius of the event, you might get caught in the rampaging winds of hooligan fury.. Anyway, I can't think of any other event that might cause a ubiquitous stir among people, except of course if there's an epidemic(e.g. food shortage or viral infection), in which case I can't even begin to imagine the herds of people that would be lining up at supermarkets and pharmacies. They're probably capable of short stocking nearby countries let alone our own....lol

The 'last-name-that-either-exults-you-or-ridicules-you' Syndrome

2009-05-02T08:39:00.003+03:00

Greek people must be the only race that I have personally come across whose last names have etymological roots that when spoken, give off a comical flavor to them. For instance, yesterday I had a guy whose last name was 'power saw' or 'prioni' in Greek - you know, the kind you use to cut down a tree. Or, better yet, there was a woman I met last week whose surname was 'Κουκουρουκου.' I'm guessing she must have had someone in her family who had a loose screw in their minds, and it must have been carried on from generation to generation until she got stuck with it - how embarrassing it is to be her. Below is a list of last names -followed by my own critique- that I've heard other people tell me about. If you have a funny one to add the the list, then please, be my guest. There are a few that have 'no comment' next to them, so you can also add something there as well.
ΜΑΛΙΑΚΑΣ/Μαλάκα - I've heard both mentioned; imagine being named after an insult - how tragic!
καρπουζης - He must really be a sweet, red(complexion) watery kinda guy...lol
κωλάρας - His cheeks must have profound meaning...
κουνελάκη - no comment.
Τσιμπούκη - no comment.
Πουλής - no comment.
Χούφτας - I can't imagine this surname belonging to a female; I'm sure that if a guy had it, he'd feel proud of himself in a perverted kinda way..
Τριχας - Either he/she has a hair fetish, or they must really be hairy...
Σάλτσας - I guess he/she likes to spice things up...maybe a touch of Tabasco should do the trick..
Πιπας - no comment.
κόπανος - no comment.
Λυπημένος - Their family tree must have had a legacy of sad experiences.
Καραγκιόζης - no comment.
Μπούρδας - no comment.
Τούβλος - I think this person is a few bricks short of a load.
Πικραμενος - This miserable person must be bitter about life. Oh well, get over it and try changing your name to something more pleasant sounding.
Πάπαρας - no comment.

Whatever their family legacy was...it must have surely been marred by some misfortunate event because these names don't just come out by chance. A word of advice to all those who posses these kinds of names: "go to a lawyer and get your surname changed. It's not as hard as you think. Don't let your succeeding generations suffer from humiliating insults just because you felt you had to carry on or honor your family's tradition."

The 'Beauro-gouge-out-your-eyes-red-tape' Syndrome

2009-04-27T13:31:00.002+03:00

If you're a citizen of Greece and have gone through the process of doing anything citizen-related in terms of things that involve having your name registered somewhere(on a computer or on a piece of paper) then you know what it's like waiting behind drudgingly tiresome lines that never seem to end; and, being mislead to another source that presumably has the source of information you're looking for until you arrive there and find that you're in another three-ring circus that has the same eventuality. It's a lose-lose situation where you're driven out of your wits trying to find the path of least resistance, only to be wrapped up from head to toe by the government's red-bullshit-tape, and till you suffocate from their pseudo-controlling hands. I believe Greece has one of the most -if not the most- harshest bureaucratic systems ever enforced in the history of mankind. I believe that the government wants an exclusive measure of control over its citizens, so it established a cobweb of messy-screwed-up laws in order to have everyone feel the pressure of accountability and to unnoticeably follow in their capricious ideas for a more stable and just society. It's like we're helpless puppets, and all our appendages are full of strings that end up being manipulated by their whimsically corrupt hand gestures. These puppeteers are ruthless and exacting and want everyone to follow their orders as they see fit. It's an unfortunate and miserable condition that everyone has to live by - except for them of course since they can easily bypass the law.

The 'Spaced-out-you-mean-nothing-stare' Syndrome

2009-04-27T13:30:00.004+03:00

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but whenever I'm introduced by my friends to someone they know -be it in a party or gathering of some kind- I usually come across somebody who in the beginning might say 'hi' and may look all enthused about wanting to start a conversation, but later as I start talking to them they begin to stare blankly at the universe around them in a sort of contemplative fashion - and then that's when I lose them completely. They spot another person in the crowd and begin asking them a question that suddenly entered they're minds - tuning me out abruptly as if I was some sort of staticky frequency over the radio. I don't know if it's an attention span disorder that they suffer from, or if it's me and I have a 'don't-talk-to-me-sign' sticking out on my forehead. If you notice from the two pictures that i included in this post, both of them are looking elsewhere as if a deep trance had overtaken them, or as though they were searching for the meaning of life. Whatever the case, I think you get my point..

The 'One-raised-eyebrow' Syndrome

2009-04-22T21:29:00.005+03:00

If you've ever carefully looked at the eyes of middle aged to older aged people living in Greece you'll notice that in most cases one of their two eyebrows is slightly raised above the other. I have my own theory behind this strange phenomenon, therefore what is about to follow doesn't necessarily mean that you need to totally agree with my observations, I'm just presenting my own subjective material. I've also named this theory the 'silent-non-sentient-stroke.' It basically is a gradual process that requires many years of exposure to the chaotic toxins in the air of society that have unabatedly circulated for many generations. However this seems to have intensified lately causing this 'Greek evolutionary gene' to cultivate more rapidly, even making the younger ones more susceptible to it. Unlike the typical stroke which occurs suddenly and paralyzes the unsuspecting victim, the 'silent-non-sentient-stroke' takes years to cultivate and usually accentuates the brow area since that's usually the place where most Greeks tend to create what I like to call, 'brow-gesture-stress-marks.' After years of repeated spastic movements these 'brow-gesture-stress-marks' start to stiffen the muscles in that area and causes the more dominant side to rise above the other - making it look as if the person's face disposition gives off a feeling of irony.

The 'Sex-talk-pandemonium' Syndrome

2009-04-16T12:02:00.003+03:00

Sex this...sex that...how to sex...sex for Greeks...sex for dummies in Greece...i'll sex you up....yadee yadeee dahh - ohhh the glorious & grandiose sex talk... Greeks are obsessed with sex. Not that it's a bad thing; but it's so 'in-your-face-24-7' that you get to a point where you feel that maybe something is missing from your sex life. Turn on the radio in your car or at work and you're bound to hear the topic propagate it's way into the conversation. Walk up to a kiosk in broad daylight and you'll see Greek magazines with nude women posing on the cover - instead of centerfolds inside the magazine. It is so widely advertised that even live TV programs are openly airing talk shows to discuss what most people consider a 'behind-closed-doors-hush-hush' kind of topic. It's not enough that they have to openly insinuate you about your weight, but they feel it's proper to publicly expose your 'Kamasutra' to everyone. Maybe they feel you're not a well-enough-trained virtuoso in the field, so they make it incumbent on themselves to teach you the 'tricks of the trade'. Not that they undress in front of national TV, but they certainly make you visualize it in your mind. Pretty soon they'll probably incorporate some kind of virtual reality TV where everyone with 3D glasses can interact in their very own peep show. Anyway for all those sex-crazed addicts I've included a banner on the lower right hand column that will direct you to a site of one of our sponsors; and one of the very first online Greek stores that provides access to thousands of 'hush-hush' products that you would'nt normally find in your local supermarket. Have fun!

The 'C'mon-let's-resurrect-Christ-for-another-year-so-we-can-eat-our-lamb' Syndrome

2009-04-14T13:38:00.002+03:00

"Happy Easter!" "Happy Resurrection!" With Easter right around the corner, these are two traditionally spoken cliches that you'll hear people uttering to one another. But, if you pay careful attention to the later one you know that it has to do with Christ's death and resurrection almost 2,000 years ago. I don't think people realize exactly what it is that they're saying when they say those two words; and even if they did know, they're just so used to saying them that it doesn't matter to them, it's just the polite thing to do before the festivities begin. Since I like to analyze things -as you probably already understood from my previous posts- I recall from my Bible lessons that Christ died once and his resurrection back in the spiritual realm took place one time - if that is of course what you believe and what you were taught as well. I'm not here to preach or lecture about Christianity, I just want to know one thing: "Why is it that they crucify him all over again and make him return back to heaven every year?" Is there something that I'm missing? If so, please, let someone comment back and correct my thinking. Perhaps, the custom developed as a way to make the holiday more memorable in relation to his death; but even so, if a memorial were to take place then whatever it is that people would say with regard to his death would be stated in the past tense. When people say it to me, I just stare up in heaven and say - "he hasn't risen yet, cause I don't see anyone up there.." And then I carry it on further -if the conversation permits- and say, "oh, I'm sorry, were you referring the expression to me cause as you can see I haven't de-materialized just yet.." They just giggle back and start saying it to the next person that comes their way. Anyway, "happy Easter everyone.."

The 'Throw-a-brainfart-question-and-think-later' Syndrome

2009-04-14T12:35:00.005+03:00

I've heard some wild things in my day, but there are just some things that no matter how often you try not to reminisce on them they keep popping back up. Well in my case I've heard a few that are so ludicrous that even if babies were allowed to talk at infancy they wouldn't utter such nonsense. Sometimes, because they have nothing better to do than sit around and watch others involved with their work they just feel they have to question something for the sake of a question, and to spark some idle talk which really has no point to it. I've listed a few of my favorite questions below followed by my own answers; so, if you would like to add some of your own questions or answer some of the questions herein, just comment back on this post and let'em have it.
-What kind of fax is that? The kind that comes out of your ass.
-Where does that wire go into? In your mouth.
-What does USB stand for? For U to Shut your Beak(in other words - mouth)and let me do my work.
-Why is the monitor showing up black? Because maybe you didn't power it on!
-Do you want to make it happen? Make what happen - if I could I'd make you disappear.
-Where does that road lead to? Look in front of you and you'll see exactly where it leads; otherwise, I suggest you get a pair of prescription eyeglasses.

The 'Let's-slap-on-a-title-for-ourselves' Syndrome

2009-04-14T07:49:00.004+03:00

Be it a job title(plumber, carpenter, electrician, etc...) or a educational title(MBA, PhD, etc...), Greeks love to adorn themselves with fictitious IDs, and remain adamant to their word that who they say they are - they truly are. I've come across so many phonies over the four years that I've been living here that I know the next time I hire a Greek to do a job for me I'm going to do a background check. Whatever business card or CV I look at I know to appraise it only at face value; and whoever it is that I'm interviewing for a job I know to take whatever they say with only a granule of melted salt.
I recently had my apartment renovated and I had hired quite a few people(from respected sources) to do the job. It ended up costing me double the price I originally estimated due to the fact that I myself(along with my in-laws) had to buy the extra material and patch up the damage that they -as a result of their so-called expertise- incurred. Everyone I've talked to since then who had likewise invested money to do similar work on their homes had also experienced the same deception - as a result of which punitive damages were sustained on their property. If you have a similar story to share with us please feel free to comment back to this post.

The 'Zoom-zoom-motorcycle-doom' Syndrome

2009-04-11T23:16:00.003+03:00

It's a bird....it's a plane....no, it's lunatic Greek driving a motorcycle - watch out!!! These zinging hillbilly half-wits think that they govern all the roads that they drive on and that there is a golden carpet laid out for them wherever it is that they go. Whatever space exists between cars or people -however narrow it may be- you need to be aware of their presence because they're bound to zing their way like buzzing flies next to you(or right by you). Also know that if you're a pedestrian minding your own business and walking along a sidewalk, and you happen to see a motorcycle coming at you, don't be alarmed - they're just following their own road signs, specifically custom tailored just for them.
If you accidentally touch them(or hit them in an accident) while you are driving, or bump them while they are stationary, a word to the wise - never pretend that you didn't see them or that you're in the right and they're wrong. You might get them(if they're still alive) jumping on your car or dragging you out of the driver's seat and kicking you in public(Ok, maybe I over-exaggerated a bit); avoid any obscene/profane gestures or verbal attacks cause they'll be sure to pull up next to your window and let all hell break loose. In addition, be aware of the infamous purse/bag snatchers. They're equipped with everything they need to get their job done, and leave you guessing as to how they opened your door or broke your window while you were driving. And then finally there's the daisy-chain armada of harley-like gangs that sweep the roads of Athens. They clutter the streets and sidewalks with their all-encompassing display of 'macho-nacho-look-at-me-i'm-cool' bravado that tends to either get them killed, or has them creating a stir amongst passerbys.

The 'we-don't-match-cause-we-belong-to-a-different-soccer-team' Syndrome

2009-04-08T14:46:00.008+03:00

True scenario: Me and a bunch of friends are all sitting down casually drinking our coffee when suddenly a drop-dead gorgeous girl sits down across from me next to my friend's friend. I don't know him very well but obviously I saw that there was a strong attraction between them. The first question that came out of his mouth toward her was - "to what soccer team do you belong?" She said "Panathanaikos," or the green team; and he said, "oh, I'm sorry babe, but we don't match, I'm Olympiakos." At which point she left in disappointment and we all starred at him like he was some kind of buffoon. He gave a sigh of 'who cares' and shrugged his shoulders as if she was somebody who just blocked his attempt to get the waitress's attention for another round of coffee. When we asked him later why he did such a foolish thing he retorted with: "I just know that in the long run it would never work out between us." I guess most Greeks who are dedicated fans of their favorite football team have a form of devotion that goes beyond anything I've ever seen. It even surpasses any type of faith people may have to a certain religion. It goes beyond the intergalactic realm, far beyond any godly or spiritual dwelling place. It is the alpha and omega for them. There is nothing that can replace its priority in their lives - not even a woman's touch of beauty.

God Forbid: God forbid two hooligan groups of opposing teams should collide in a heated argument over who belongs to the better team - it could probably instigate World War III.

The 'Not-ashamed-to-say-or-do-something-stupid' Syndrome

2009-04-06T00:05:00.002+03:00

One of the most unexplained behaviors I have ever witnessed is how Greek people manage to have this calling with nature (or should I say Nature's calling) and do in public what normal people normally do behind closed doors in their bathrooms. They tend to pick publicly accessible places that are visible to just about anybody. For some reason they can't restrain themselves to go somewhere private, so when they have to go, they go wherever they can. Usually I've caught people taking a leak behind a tree in a public park, or behind a parked car. They stand there like animals out of the zoo without any care in the world if you look down on them. I even had one guy waving back at me with a smile on his face. It's a disgraceful form of conduct that not only defames the country but also stinks up the city with urine - making it look like a cesspool.
Then there are those people who have to speak their mind audibly. They feel that they're doing their duty as a Greek to state their opinion, especially when it's uninvited by the world or the person to whom it's directed at. It seems that wherever i go i come across at least one or two of these coincidental moments. I must be cursed because 9 out of 10 times the statement is directed at me. A typical scenario starts out something like this: I'm usually waiting in line and the person behind me notices something about something I'm either buying, wearing or saying over the phone. Then he/she interrupts me and says something so that the whole world can hear it. It's usually said in a sarcastic undertone; and when they're done blurting out the nonsense, they usually start to laugh as if they said something funny. The funny thing is that they're the only ones laughing at the end. Then I usually nod pretending that I understood what he/she said and go on with my business chuckling inside of myself. Everyone around me also starts to look away and hide their smiles so that the idiot who spoke doesn't get his/her feelings hurt in some way. I can't imagine how that would be the case since they say it with such a dignified manner. Even if everyone was to reproach him/her, he/she would still act as though what they had said was the smartest thing anyone could have said.

God Forbid: God forbid you should get into a discussion with whomever it is that starts up the opinionated-you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself talk. All I have to say is: you should be ashamed of yourself - it's a futile wise-ass-conversation that ends up causing more aggravation than good.

The 'Lion-eats-lion' Syndrome

2009-04-04T12:16:00.004+03:00

There's a saying out there in the competitive job/retail market that goes something like: 'it's a dog eat dog world out there." If that characterizes the rest of the world then the expression, "it's a lion eat lion world out there," characterizes the Greek marketplace. If you've ever seen the intensity of 2 lions going at it you realize that it's usually a battle to the death; whereas, with dogs, there's really no comparison since the aggression that dogs display is hardly at the same level, not to mention that the size differences between them are likewise significant. It's like trying to compare elephants to dinosaurs.
The reason that I brought out this comparison is because the real world out there is similar to people trying to dominate each other - swinging at each other with these raging claws; it's like a bunch of savage animals. Anyone who has undergone the experience of working for somebody here knows that in order to climb your way to the top you got to step on and obliterate the person below you. Each company here that I've worked for had a person who was specifically assigned to the job of sabotaging the competition. They usually work undercover as secret operatives so that no one could discover their true identity. The same is true about people trying to compete for the same position in the job market. But it gets worse because they act like they're each part of the mafia. Each family is like a crime family. It's who you know that gets you to where you want to be. These family connections form a network of secular enterprises that makeup the commercial world out there. And for those who are left out on the dirt(they know no one) get swallowed up and spit upon without mercy.