By David Loker

Even the largest avalanche is triggered by small things.” ~Vernor Vinge

I thought that it was never going to end.

Wake up. Brush my teeth. Drive to work. Sit at my desk for eight hours. Count the hours from the moment I sit down: Eight, seven, six… Drive home. Make dinner. Eat. … Sleep. Wake up.

The truth is, at that point in my life, nothing brought me joy any more. I hated waking up. I hated going to work. By the time I got home, I was so drained and frustrated that I got little joy from my family.

Having a small child left me with virtually no time for myself, and so no hope for recovery from the torture of my mind-numbing job. The only escape I found was the make-believe world of video games, into which I’d dive at every opportunity.

As days turned to months, and months into years, I was starting to give up hope. I thought that this must be my lot in life: I was destined to sacrifice myself in the service of others. Although I was dying inside, I held on as best I could in the name of duty.

There was only one little problem—my miserable state affected those around me. While I was sacrificing my life to my family, my wife wanted nothing more than for me to come out of my depression.

She tried to help me as best she could, encouraging me to switch jobs and return to school, neither of which had a lasting effect.

The Wake Up Call 

Then, one night, in a final, desperate attempt to help me, my wife looked me in the eyes with an intensity that I’ve never seen before, and said five simple words:

“You have to fix this.”

When I did not respond, she quietly walked away, leaving me to my thoughts.

“I’ve got to do something?” I thought to myself. “Really, me? But I’m already doing everything I can!!! I’ve given up my life for her and our son, and she wants me to do more?” That was my initial reaction.

Then, it suddenly hit me. I understood what she meant, and my life would never again be the same.

I’ve got to do something. It was up to me to change my life.

All this time, I was waiting for something outside of me to change, hoping that someone would see my pain help me out of it.

My wife, my boss, my friends – none of them could do it for me. Even with the best of intentions, other people simply aren’t as well positioned to help us.

How I Changed My Life

I wasn’t sure what to do, but I was determined to do something.

I knew all along that at the heart of my problem was my job. I could no longer ignore the signs that my job wasn’t right for me. So, I started with one small step: I went to a career center at a local university, and filled out a questionnaire to help me identify a career path that matched my personality.

Actually, this was a brand new concept for me: I’d always thought of a job as merely something you do to make a living. The idea that it should somehow be connected with my personality was a real eye-opener.

I came home very excited that evening. All of sudden, everything made sense. I wasn’t crazy or irresponsible. I was simply stuck at a job that didn’t match who I was!

The test results showed me that I am an extrovert. No wonder I was miserable when my main companion at work was a lifeless machine! Further, the test results spoke of my need for creativity, which was badly suppressed after so many years of what felt like mindless work.

This started a long search for my passion, eventually leading me to more than one way of making a living doing what I love.

With my own personality as my guide, I became trained in singing and acting. The arts allowed a level of self-expression unlike anything that I’ve experienced before, bringing me immense joy, and satisfying my natural need for socialization.

Working at jobs that fit my personality led to an incredible amount of self-growth. I was changing from the inside out. I got in touch with my emotions, learned to express how I feel, and even started connecting with others in a more authentic way.

What’s most important is that I became happy. The depression lifted life a veil, and I was once again fully alive and joyful. Life was once again worth living.

Today, I make a living as an actor and singer, and help others discover their passions and make a living doing what they love.

3 Tips To Start Changing Your Life

Let me leave you with three things to help you get started on your path to change, all of which I learned from those five simple words.

1. Realize That You Have the Power to Change Your Life 

You have the power to change your life. Whether you realize it yet or not, you can do it. Further, you are only one who can do it. Others can help, but the bulk of the work is up to you. Don’t look at that as a negative—realize that you are in control of your own life, and how important it is that you alone have that power!

Realizing that the responsibility to change your life is yours might seem intimidating at first, but it is actually very empowering. If your responsibilities to others leave you feeling powerless, then keep reading.

2. Quit Sacrificing Your Life for Others

First of all, it isn’t helping them either. Anyone who is worth your time, anyone who really cares about you, wants you to be happy.

When we are down, when our life feels beyond our control, then we cannot bring joy to others. It is when we’re happy that we can bring happiness to the lives of others.

3. Do Something, No Matter How Small

Don’t wait. You’ve already waited long enough. Take a step, no matter how small, in the direction that you want your life to go.

Don’t focus on the mountain, or you may be too intimidated. Instead, figure out the smallest step you can do right now, and one tiny step at a time, you will climb to the top of the tallest mountain that your imagination can conceive.

—

No matter what change you want to create in your life, others have been there before. My last piece of advice for you today is to seek out the help of others, be it by reading blogs (as you are already doing, I commend you on that!), going to a local resource center, or seeking out the help of a coach. Learning from the experiences of others who have been there is the shortest path to change.

Lastly, if no one else had told you this before, let me be the one say: You’ve got to do something!

I wish you an enjoyable journey in your quest for change.

The post The Five Words That Changed My Life appeared first on Change Your Life | The Change Blog.

By Trent Hand

I started out very excited about this job. After living and searching for work in Antalya, Turkey for 6 months, including 2 months as an English teacher to children, the opportunity of working for an American company while in Turkey was all I hoped for. Maybe the pay was only $1800/month, but after the exchange rate, this put me in the top 10% of earners in my city. I made 4x the amount of money my fiancée did working almost half the hours. I should have been happy.

I wasn’t.

The first three weeks were exciting. Learning about new products, sales procedures, getting to know the other new starts in my class; all things I truly loved. The job itself was a work-from-home customer service position and I didn’t mind the work. The people calling in were by and large friendly, the company benefits were decent, and the hours were not bad either. Even so, every day I had to drag myself to my desk and start the day.

It wasn’t that I was unhappy in my job; I just wasn’t happy.

This may seem like a small distinction to you, and for a long time, it was a small distinction for me as well. Then, I had a horrible, terrible thought pop into my head which changed the direction of my life forever.

While waiting for my next call to come through, I was suddenly struck by the words “If I were to die tomorrow, is this how I want to spend my last night on Earth?”

I didn’t want to answer that question. I didn’t want to think about that question. I most certainly didn’t want to act on that question.

Still, the thought wouldn’t leave me.

Worse, neither would the answer: NO.

I knew if this were my last night on Earth, I was most definitely not doing what I wanted to do. I made a radical decision (somewhat rash, looking back on it) to quit my job. The last call I took for the day resulted in a huge sale, my first at this company and the largest out of my training class.

On my lunch break, I called my fiancee and our conversation went something like this:

• Me: “Hello my love.  How are you?”
• Her: “I’m good.  How’s work?”
• Me: “Oh, it’s going well.  I just closed my first sale.”
• Her: “That’s great baby!”
• Me: “Yeah.  I’m going to quit after my lunch break is over.”
• Her: “…”
• Me: “You there?”
• Her: “Why are you quitting?  You worked so hard to get this job!  You had to fly back to America to get this job!   Do you have another job lined up?  What will we do for money?”
• Me: “Sweetheart, do you believe I am capable of more than what this job requires of me?”
• Her: “Well, yes, I think you can do anything.”
• Me: “If today was my last night on Earth, is this how I should spend it?”
• Her: “No, you should do something you love.”
• Me: “Am I guaranteed a tomorrow?”
• Her: “No, you don’t have any guarantees.”
• Me: “I don’t think I do either.  From now on, I’m going to do what I love and we’ll figure out a way to pay our bills at the same time.  Do you believe you and I can do this together?”
• Her: (after a long silence while she thinks) “Yes, I think you and I can do anything we set our minds to.”
• Me: “I love you and I’ll see you soon.”

That was it.  One question and a short conversation later, I quit my job and started doing what I love.  At that point I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I wanted more.

I started thinking about all the things I do for fun, and what I could do all day and never get bored. I realized I loved helping people reach personal and professional goals. I also love to write and exchange ideas. This led me to where I am today, speaking to you about the question which changed my life (and earning a living by doing so ;) ).

It would be a lie to tell you the past year hasn’t been difficult. Building my business was, and continues to be, the greatest challenge I’ve ever faced. Even so, given the opportunity, I would do the same thing all over again. I wake up every day doing what I love, and it’s all because I asked myself that one terrifying question.

So, if I may ask you a personal question: If today were your last day on Earth, would you have spent it doing what you love?

I’d love to hear from those who are, and from those who would like to in the near future, in the comment section below.

The post The Terrifying Question We Should All Ask Ourselves appeared first on Change Your Life | The Change Blog.

By Deborah Fike

I have been a teacher on and off during my career.  I’m currently “on” again, teaching an entrepreneurship course for undergraduates at a local university.  Business courses tend to focus on team project work because that’s how businesses are run: a group of people working together to achieve a common goal.

Inevitably, whenever I teach a course that involves teamwork, at least one student hits me up mid-semester with a complaint about a teammate.  Usually it is an expectation issue where one student hasn’t contributed as much to the project as other students would like.  Generally, the students turn to me to resolve the issue, which wouldn’t be such a huge deal except every time this happens, no one has actually talked to the alleged “underachieving” student and tried to fix the issue themselves.

We all have situations in our life where we have to mentor someone.  Even if you have never taught a class, you may be a parent, you might need to train someone at work, or you simply have a friend who always comes to you for help.  Mentoring others not only improves your mentees’ lives, but gives you the satisfaction of knowing you’ve given them useful life skills.  But how do you transfer those skills effectively?  Here’s my list of dos and don’ts for helping others learn to help themselves:

Do Give Advice…

You probably have some real world experience to offer, so don’t hesitate to provide advice on the subject.  It could be as simple as outlining your experience to providing a huge list of resources your mentee can use to solve issues.  Advice provides the mentee with options on how to proceed, which he likely needs if he’s coming to you with a problem.

…But Don’t Take Action on Your Mentee’s Behalf.

At first, your mentee will try to get you to solve his problems.  This is natural, as you are the one with experience and could do it much more quickly than he could.  However, you must resist the urge to do so.  Instead, go back to advice, this time with more coaching.  If you have to, walk him through a process step-by-step to give him a more concrete example of how to do it himself.  While time-consuming, it’s better than doing the work for your mentee, which will only teach him that whenever he’s in trouble, you’re there to bail him out.

Do Check up on Your Mentee’s Progress…

Any good learning process will involve some level of feedback from you, the mentor.  You should expect checkpoints where you will evaluate your mentee’s progress.  Is she getting quicker at solving her own problems?  Is she becoming more adaptable to situations?  Can she tackle new situations on her own?  These are all good signs that you should recognize and encourage.

…But Don’t Be a Constant Presence.

Evaluations and checkpoints are one thing; breathing over your mentee’s shoulder is another.  If you get too involved in the minutia of your mentee’s decisions, she will become paralyzed, unable to make a move without your approval.  Give your mentee room to make her own decisions, and yes, even to make mistakes.  Sometimes, a mistake will do a lot more to help your mentee improve than all your words will.  You can always be there to remind her that, no matter what obstacles she faces, she can dust herself off and try again.

Do Set Clear Expectations…

As with all relationships, it helps to set rules and boundaries for mentorship.  If you have firm rules that you will only be available during certain times, then stick to that.  Sometimes having periods of “black out” times will force your mentee to be creative on his own.  If you start to break your own rules, it creates a slippery slope where your mentee may try to get you to solve his problems again.

…But Also Don’t Be Afraid to Let Go.

At some point during your mentorship, you may find that your mentee can handle himself or maybe he’s even surpassed you.  If you find yourself in this position, pat yourself on the back for a job well done.  There’s nothing wrong with letting the relationship go, even if you enjoyed mentoring.  Odds are, if you’ve helped this mentee succeed, others will also seek you out for advice.

What rules of mentorship have you discovered?  Please share them in the comments below.

The post Help Others Help Themselves: A Quick Guide to Mentorship appeared first on Change Your Life | The Change Blog.

By David Masters

You can be anything you want to be, if you only believe with sufficient conviction and act in accordance with your faith; for whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve. – Napoleon Hill

I feel a little stupid, because it’s taken me nearly thirty years to realize a simple truth.

I’ll never be a Major League Baseball player, a Premier League footballer, or an Olympic swimmer.

Call me glum, sour, or bitter, but those are the facts.

No matter how much I put my mind to it, no matter how much I conceive and believe, no matter if I had the stubborn will power of a donkey, no matter if I put in my 10,000 hours of deliberate practice, it’s not happening.

To believe otherwise wouldn’t make me a go-getter. It would make me delusional.

Not all seven billion of the earth’s inhabitants can be elected President of the USA. Not all of the world’s hundreds of millions of blogs can be in the Technorati top 100. Not all of the USA’s 315 million citizens will join the ranks of its 424 billionaires (unless the dollar becomes severely devalued).

That’s not doom-saying. It’s simple math.

Bend reality too much, and eventually it’s you that will snap.

Let me get one thing straight. Your life, and every human life, is replete with possibilities. Particularly if you have access to this blog post (and thus you’re rich enough to access a computer or cell phone), the world is open for you to explore, and offers a vast array of opportunities and adventures.

But just because many paths are open to you, that doesn’t mean you can be anything. You can’t be anything.

On the contrary, there’s only one thing you can truly, genuinely be. Yet many people overlook this as they strive to be anything, and in doing so they manage to skate around their biggest and most accessible opportunity.

Even so, no one completely avoids this path. No matter how low our life stoops, no matter how lost we get along the journey, no matter how ragged and bedraggled our souls, this is the path and destination for everyone one of us.

What’s the only thing you can be?

You can only be you.

That takes no conceiving or believing. On the contrary, fantasy and unrealistic dreams are what take me away from being me.

Being who you are maybe takes a little faith, a little grit, a little heart.

But ultimately, all you need to do to get there is let go of the control console. Stop trying to be the director of your life’s movie, and sit back and enjoy the story.

In other words, start living in the moment.

Scary? Yes. And thrilling too.

You can’t be anything. But you can be you.

Who else would you want to be?

The post You Can’t Be Anything If You Put Your Mind To It appeared first on Change Your Life | The Change Blog.

By Sarah L. Webb

The work that you do to make a living takes up a large portion of your time and energy. Day after day, the average human works for years, logging in hours upon hours of labor.

That’s not a bad thing, if you love your work.

Unfortunately, too many of us can barely even tolerate our jobs. We long to do something that manifests our true purpose in life.

So why do so many people continue working at jobs that make them miserable?

It All Boils Down to Fear.

You know the feeling–the dryness in your throat, the knots in your stomach, the sweaty palms.

I’ve actually been there twice–at the crossroads of staying put and struggling through every lousy day, or making a move to do the work that truly made me happy.

I’m here writing this post, of course, because I finally made the decision to take the path toward my dreams, but not before recognizing the sundry fears that had kept me on the wrong path for so long.

Once you identify the fears behind your excuses for staying put, you can then find the courage to make the career change that you already know you need to make.

The Obvious Fears

Most people will have no problem identifying the fear of change and the fear of living in poverty as two main reasons people decide to stay in a career that doesn’t make them happy.

But I encourage you to dig a little deeper and find what’s really keeping you trapped in your current job.

When I decided to change careers, I realized that it was the more visceral, less apparent fears that really kept me stuck.

I’ll describe them here. Maybe they’ll be familiar to you as well.

The Deeper Fears

Disappointing Others

I pursued architecture long after I knew it wasn’t the right path for me because I believed people were counting on me to be a successful architect. I’d gotten everyone’s hopes up, and I wanted to make them proud.

It could be your parent’s longtime dream for you, or it could be the pride you see in your partner’s eyes when they tell people what you do.

You don’t want to lose that. People you love seem happy about your career choice, but it doesn’t make you happy.

I decided to leave architecture because I realized that the people who really mattered to me would never want me to live a lifetime of misery. They would be more elated to know that I was happy

Losing the Status Symbol

Some careers are more prestigious than others. It sounds superficial, but if we’re honest, it really matters to a lot of people, and if we have a bit of prestige, it can be hard to let that go.

The label of “architect” elevated my status. I enjoyed to ego boost. The way people responded when I told them I was majoring in architecture made me feel good about myself.

The same can be said for lawyers, doctors, and engineers, etc.

I had to realize that as long as I relied on my job title to make me feel valuable, I’d never really be free.

We all know people with high powered jobs, and prestigious titles who feel wretched.

Being Judged by Others

“So, you couldn’t handle it, hunh?”

“Not everybody’s cut out for this work.”

“It’s a lot of hard work to be successful in this career.”

“Some people wish they had a job.”

“You should work to live, not live to work.”

The implication is that you’re merely quitting because you’re incompetent, weak, lazy, afraid of hard work, not so smart after all, ungrateful, unrealistic, and foolish to think that you deserve to make money doing what you love.

In the words of Steve Maraboli: “People who lack clarity, courage, or determination to follow their own dreams will often find ways to discourage yours.”

Others will have their opinions and criticisms, but unless they’re your children or life partner, they don’t have to live with the consequences of your decisions. You do!

People gave me lots of advice when I decided to quit teaching fulltime, but I was the one who had to wake up before dawn, spend hours planning lessons and grading papers, and corralling boisterous youth day in and day out, all while neglecting my real passion for writing. They couldn’t do it for me. So I respected their opinions, but relied more on my inner knowing.

Starting Over and Wasted Time

Even though I’d only spent a couple of years in the wrong career (as opposed to decades), I still felt downright sick at the thought of all that wasted time, effort, and money.

Not just my time and money, but that of all the people who helped me along the way.

I’ll admit that it left me bitter for a while, but I eventually saw that it wasn’t wasted time. I had gained valuable knowledge and expertise that actually helped me in the pursuit of my dream job. I just had to reframe my prior experiences.

Dr. Noelle Stern says in her book Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go after Your Dreams that “at every stage, each of our experiences is exactly what we’ve needed.”

The fears listed above were all internal barriers to change. They emanated from and could only be pushed aside by me. After much of that proverbial soul searching, I finally recognized what my real fears were and was finally able to cultivate the courage to make the career changes that essentially saved my life.

So, are you trapped in a career that you know is not the best fulfillment of your life’s purpose? What’s keeping you from changing your career path?

The post Finding the Courage to Change Your Career Path appeared first on Change Your Life | The Change Blog.

By Kavetha Sundaramoorthy

The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. – Albert Camus

When depression hits, it hijacks your thoughts and feelings. It whispers seductive lies into your ears; lies that gradually start sounding like the truth. I know how that feels, because I have struggled with it too. If on the other hand, you knew the lies depression commonly uses, then you can ignore or replace them with your own inner truth. And every time you do that, you have healed a little bit.

So, here are some common ‘depression deceptions’ to watch out for:

1. It’s a chemical condition. So I can’t really do anything about it right?

Wrong.

I’m a psychiatrist and so I hear this one a lot. And it dismays me. As a society, we have gone from one extreme-thinking that everything was related to your mother-to the other extreme-now everything is a chemical condition that is beyond our control. Both are too simplistic. We are complex individuals with unique and rich stories. There is no one answer that will always fit all of us.

Yes your brain is made up of electrical impulses and chemical substances that change a million times in a day and make up your thoughts and/or emotions. And yes, often times, severe clinical depression requires medications. In fact, they can be essential and life saving in some situations. But, and listen to this very closely, even when they work well, medications alone don’t keep you from getting depressed again. What they do, is give you enough relief to then work on your self, and change the things in your mind and life, so that hopefully, you don’t feel that depressed again.

In fact, some forms of therapy, such as Mindfulness based cognitive therapy, has been shown to be even better than medications at lowering the risk of relapse (as long as you’ve gotten over the worst hump).

The human mind is very powerful but much of it is amenable to change. It’s a tough process, but so worth the effort.

2. Anyone with my childhood/job/marriage/health/finances would be depressed!

Each of us lives in our own heads and so we only can feel our own pain. Yes we can empathize with others, but we can’t fully feel anyone else’s joy or pain as intimately as we can feel our own.

This can lead us to feel trapped by the pain of our own life circumstances.

I used to feel this way as well. My depression would tell me “Your mom committed suicide and your dad is a narcissist. It’s not possible for you to ever be happy”. The worst part was, I believed it for a long time.

Since then, I have been fortunate to feel my own strengths, to learn about the brain, to read books and meet amazing people who have overcome great odds, proving to me over and over again that the human spirit is greater than the sum of past events.

You have great inner strength and wisdom within you. Whatever may have happened in your past is only one part of you. Don’t let it dictate your whole life.

3. I’ve tried everything. Nothing works for me.

Do you feel like you have tried every single thing to help yourself? And nothing is working?

If that’s the case, maybe you’re trying too hard. Sometimes chasing happiness makes it more…..elusive, like a butterfly that will only come and softly sit on your shoulder when you can simply be in it’s presence without chasing it.

Try just surrounding yourself with people who seem genuinely happy. Not the Polly Anna kind of superficial happy. But the folks that exude a sense of deep contentment and peace from within. Don’t compare or force happiness to come to you. Just be in its presence.

4. I’ll be happier once I lose weight/get a raise/buy a home…

I wasted lots of my time in my 20’s hoping that if I just worked desperately toward  achieving this or that, I would live happily ever after. Well, I did achieve most of those things, and it did make me feel excited briefly, but soon I had gone back to my usual state of mind. Feeling confused, I would replace it with another “goal” and chase after that, hoping that this time, the happiness would be deeper and long lasting.

And one day I was explaining this theory to a close friend, and she said simply “What’s wrong with now? Why not just be happy now?”

It blew me away. Because she wasn’t telling me to not reach for my goals, but rather that I was missing out on the possibility of NOW.

This very moment is alive with possibility. Whenever you begin to worry about the future or connect your happiness to some elusive goal, take a moment to bring your awareness back to this moment. Use your senses to really see, hear, smell and touch your immediate surroundings. And think of one thing you are grateful for today. Maybe it’s your morning cup of coffee, the hug your son gave you or that your friend called to share a joke. Whatever it is, if you truly loved it, spend a few moments being genuinely thankful that you had that TODAY.

5. I’ve screwed up a lot. I hate myself. I’m not worthy of happiness.

This is a tough one, because when we don’t love ourselves, that’s where the work must start. No foundation, no building.

Whatever you may have done in the past, it’s gone. That moment can never come back.

However, every new breath you take now is a new chance at life.  It’s totally fresh and alive for you to shape as you like. And if this one doesn’t do it, that’s fine, your next breath is again a fresh possibility. And the next. And the next.

Until you take your last breath, you have millions of moments to start over and become the person you want to be. It’s up to you what you do with each one.

6. Most of my life is okay, except for that one ‘X’ thing

I once read a story that goes something like this.

A professor puts up a big white board with a black dot on it, and then asks his students to describe what they see.

Most of them come close to scrutinize the board and blurt out the answer excitedly “The black dot! There is a black dot on it!”

Finally, the professor says “It’s interesting that most of you didn’t notice the whole white board in front of you, but rather chose to focus on that one small black dot”

This is what happens when we focus solely on the negative things. I’m not saying your difficulties are just dot sized. Not at all. All I’m saying is: Don’t forget to enjoy the beautiful expanse of white in your life. Because it’s there.

Does your depression/anxiety hijack your mind too? Share your thoughts in the comments section.

The post 6 Lies Your Depression Wants You to Believe (& How to Not Fall Into the Trap) appeared first on Change Your Life | The Change Blog.