The Captains Memos

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Captain Flintheart — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:58:23 +0000

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50 Musician’s Mugshots

Captain Flintheart — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:00:13 +0000

Musicians are despicable people too. Thanks to Billboard.com’s Top 50 Musician’s Mugshots I now know that Yanni beat his wife and 1 out 5 famous musicians get arrested for drunk driving. Can’t get enough? Revisit our Top Ten Awesome Mugshots list from last year.

Your turn to make history you drunk.

Captain Yar — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 13:30:06 +0000

Alcohol was invented for a reason. Well firstly, to get drunk. Second, to make ugly people look not so ugly so when you sleep with them you don’t feel so bad because she kind of looks like Taylor Swift but when you wake up it’s really Ke$ha. And third, to travel through time aka blacking...

Odd Chum

Captain Polish — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:00:51 +0000

The Boogerman

Captain Flintheart — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:30:49 +0000

This is absolutely real and hanging in the elevator at my work. My co-worker, Doug was able to secure a copy for TCM publication. Although, it has been edited briefly to remove the other location of the alleged perpetrator. You should know the mail room employees are not the only ones accused. More simply put,...

How to win a free meal when dining with friends

Captain Polish — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:00:36 +0000

Simple, eat a cup of gravy: It worked for me, but it ended up dominated my stomach later that night. Nonetheless my dinner was bought for me and at quite a price…

Vajazzling is all the rage.

Captain Yar — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:03:56 +0000

Ladies, listen up! Before you continue on let me tell you that you have seriously gotten out of hand with all of the shit you bedazzle. If sticking little pink crystal things all over your phone wasn’t enough, you had to go and ruin a perfectly good vagina. Well, not all of you have perfectly...

Unfortunately, the debate is officially over.

Captain Yar — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 18:30:03 +0000

After many theories here at TCM as to how the dinosaurs became extinct, scientists around the globe have come to a conclusion. Unfortunately the dinosaurs weren’t wiped out by John Hammond, the Nazi’s, battling each other to the death or beastman aids. We are saddened to say, they were killed by an asteroid. Plain and...