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Giving birth is a big event for any woman, but for tiny Stacey Herald it is momentous – and extremely risky.

Doctors warned 2ft 4in Stacey off pregnancy. They said a baby would grow so large inside her body it would crush her organs, strangling her from the inside out.
Recalling her first pregnancy, Stacey, from Dry Ridge, Kentucky, said: “They all told me I’d die. They begged me not to have the baby…

“All my babies are miracles. They’re a great gift to the world. When I look at them I’m so full of love, it’s tough not to want more.”

I especially like how she’s wearing Spongebob Squarepants clothing. For her, the choices in maternity clothes were either Spongebob pajamas or clothing from Barbie’s “I Really Let Myself Go After Ken Came Out” playset.

Stacey has given birth to two girls prior to her current pregnancy, now ages two and three years old. Both were by c-section, fortunately. A natural birth from Ms. Herald would look absurd, like an irregular Matroyshka doll bought from a flea market.

That said, it’s kind of touching. A bit frightening to look at, but touching. You can check out some more photos here, including the full-sized Mr. Herald holding her up like a baby. You know, typical prenatal stuff.

[Telegraph]

Some Swedish guy thought it’d be funny to submit himself on an auction site to inseminate a lesbian couple. And it was, I guess. But the auction site was none too pleased. After reading his quotes, perhaps you’ll see why.

A 26-year-old man from Gothenburg, “used but in good condition”, has had his advert removed from an auction site after offering his sexual services to lesbian women wishing to become pregnant.

Alexander Kandiloros placed his ad on auction site Tradera after the Court of Appeal ruled last week that a lesbian couple had not been discriminated against when the younger of the two women, now aged 39, was refused the right to artificial insemination.

“I will come to the home of the highest bidder after this person has figured out when she is at her most fertile for intercourse, but I will do so at most three times.”

Once Tradera discovered what was afoot, the site quickly removed the 26-year-old’s ad, which it said breached its terms and conditions, as these do not permit the sale of services on the site.

[The Local]

There have been quite a few prominent white rappers in recent years…Eminem, Asher Roth, um…Snow. But none can match the impact on hip-hop that these two young men, Young Bowman and T-Hines will have on the community with their song, “‘Bout It, ‘Bout it”.

I could put together a rap video with Barbie dolls and make it have more street credibility than these two. In fact, I may just do that. In the video, Skipper wants to go to a party, but Barbie says no. So Skipper sneaks out and goes anyway and has a crazy time, getting high and drunk and hooking up with a fellow or two. And she raps about it. But then at the end of the video, Barbie is outside with her hands on her hips looking angry and Skipper is like, “Whatever yo, I got mines.” Anything for an excuse to play with dolls I MEAN CREATE AWESOME CONTENT.

When you’re sober, there is nothing worse than seeing someone completely trashed because, odds are, they’re going to completely wreck your day through some mishap. Typically it involves projectile vomit, but in the case of this Boston woman, it involved falling in front of a speeding train. Does she get turned into delicious goo? You’ll have to watch.

From USA Today’s story on the incident:

The driver of a Boston subway train made an emergency stop only inches short of a woman who had fallen onto the tracks and was stumbling and flailing around, the Associated Press reports.

Charice Lewis, the driver, had been alerted only moments before by a fellow MBTA employee who radioed her from the platform.

The hair-raising incident, with fellow passengers waving frantically on the platform as Lewis pulled the emergency brake, was caught on security cameras.

The woman, whose name was not made public, suffered some scrapes and was taken to a hospital for evaluation after the incident last Friday. She told authorities she had been drinking, the AP says.

I bet the response from authorities was something along the lines of, “Wow, you’ve been drinking! No way! You really hide it well! We just assumed from seeing the video that you were wearing shoes made entirely of butter.”

I bet the people waving at the train felt really good about themselves. But of course it wasn’t their waving arms that would get a train conductor to stop, it was because of a fellow employee radioing her. Without that platform employee radioing the conductor, we’d have one gooey woman spraying blood that takes remarkably like rum and sadness all over onlookers. But the conductor would have totally finished that level of Brickbreaker. So it’s kind of a wash, overall.

A British man on the run from police sent a picture of himself to his local paper because he disliked the mugshot they had printed of him as part of a public appeal to track him down.

South Wales Police had issued media with the photo of Matthew Maynard, wanted by officers investigating a house burglary, as part of a crackdown on crime in Swansea.

When it appeared in the South Wales Evening Post, the 23-year-old sent the newspaper a replacement photo of himself standing in front of a police van. They obligingly printed it on the front page.

The police thanked him for helping them in their appeal, saying: “Everyone in Swansea will know what he looks like now.”

I like how the police thing they’ve outfoxed Maynard in some way. It’s like when you do something douchey to a friend, like pulling a chair out as they’re sitting down so that they fall then, only they go, “Good, I wanted to sit on the floor anyway.” Yeah officers, I’m sure you’re stoked that this 23 year-old kid is basically saying that your police force is so impotent that he can get a glamor shot of himself posted on the front of a newspaper and he’ll still get off scot free. Which falls in line with what I know of British cops; they’d probably just chase Maynard around in a circle while Yakety Sax plays and some woman’s clothes get ripped off. Entertaining, but perhaps not the best type of justice. Except for that fictional woman, who probably learned a real lesson.

[Reuters]

A Canadian woman claims she was trying to show her former boyfriend she wasn’t marriage material when she stole $21,000 from his credit card.

Maria Ignacio of Winnipeg told court officials that her boyfriend, who is permanently disabled, was “too clingy” and that she didn’t know how else to get rid of him. So, she stole his credit card, and over the course of four months withdrew $21,000 in cash.

The victim called police after he noticed suspicious transactions on his statements. Police arrested Ignacio after she was identified on security video using a drive-thru bank machine.

To her credit, Ignacio didn’t actually spend any of the money. She kept it in a shoebox, which got her off the hook with a paltry $750 fine and probation.

Now typically when a woman does something scummy like this, I’d be on the guy’s side. But I’m kind of with Maria here. How can you possibly muster up the courage to break up with a disabled guy? He’s just a lonely dude who got dealt a bad hand in life and wants to find someone to love him for who he is inside. Reports say that the boyfriend wouldn’t leave her when the subject was broached in the past. A simpler solution for Ms. Ignacio? Moving to a walk-up.

[APP]

Another sneak peek of Rihanna’s “20/20″ interview hit the internet today (Nov. 6), and finds the pop star speaking explicitly about the night ex-boyfriend Chris Brown assaulted her. The 20-year-old confirmed the rumor that it all began over an argument about a text message Brown had recieved, and things getting “ugly” at that point.

Following the preview of Rihanna’s interview on 20/20, Brown’s camp took to Twitter and accused Rihanna of lying and being a different person for the cameras. “I wish dancers can speak about things that really go on! Let me just say, Chris Brown was pushed to the extreme!” tweeted one of Brown’s dancers.

“Shame on Rihanna,” tweeted a Brown confidant, while another accused Rihanna of trying to drum up publicity for her new album, posting: “Riri just needs away 2. Get her career back up.”

[Billboard]

Beware of this video since there’s a lot of nerd babbling, but you can’t really beat the simple joys of the World’s Sixth Most Popular Sport, Pac-man, being played out with Roombas. Pop your power pellets and get on board.

Downside: Not quite as cool as this Pac-Man in real life video. It’s a known fact that any concept gets infinitely funnier when you add in destroying public property and horrified onlookers.

I wonder if Pac-Man has the cultural relevance he did before though. In the 80s there was Pac-Man fever and arcade games everywhere. But nowadays if I pop some pills and try to eat ghosts that only I can see, people think I’m the strange one. Study up on your classic video games and/or the psychodelic effects of alcohol and sleeping pills, society!

Count Trista Joy Lathern’s husband and co-workers among those who now feel misled and betrayed by her alleged pretense that she had breast cancer and was undergoing the rigors of chemotherapy.

Lathern, 24, formerly of Robinson, was arrested Wednesday on theft by deception charges after authorities say she lied about her medical condition, watched as friends raised $10,000 for her at a benefit and then reportedly spent the proceeds on breast-augmentation surgery.

As news of Lathern’s apparent deception spread, cancer support groups and others trying to raise money to help people with real illnesses said they were saddened. While they said they remain hopeful that there won’t be a fundraising backlash, some say they have already seen small ripples from those who have heard about Lathern.

Here’s a pic of the classy gal in question, for your reference. I suppose when you look vaguely like Macaulay Culkin, you probably need whatever feminine enhancements you can get. But there were ways to do it without scamming a community. Personally, I’d have gone with labia implants. They’d be much more affordable. Just some crazy glue and a trip to the butcher’s shop for a fresh slab of roast beef and you’re in heaven. Then you let your spandex pants do the talking for you.

There’s a special place in hell for someone scamming people by pretending to have cancer. On the plus side, she’ll get right to the front of the line thanks to her hot big new jugs. When Satan closed a door, he opens a window.

[WacoTrib]

It’s so true, who doesn’t love a girl with a bit of meat to her? Today’s women just are so caught up in looking gaunt and fragile. But back in the 50s and 60s, a woman had real curves, like a cliffside road. Plus you can’t make a girl suit like Jame Gumb with thin chicks. At best, you can make a slinky bikini. And what’s the point of making a girl suit if you can’t wear it out to formal events?

[Reddit]

This guy is only proposing because she would have thrown him through the window if he didn’t. Devious.

Clarksville police said they arrested a woman on Wednesday morning after she repeatedly made non-emergency calls to the city’s 911 system.

Hee Orama, 34, was arrested after police said she recently made frequent calls to 911 complaining about a man lying to her about marrying her.

Police said they responded to two calls from Orama and explained that this was not an emergency situation and to stop calling.

Poor Hee. That does seem kind of unfair. Men, let this be a lesson…never tell a woman you’re going to marry her. Marriage is not something to be joked about (unless it involves holding your wife’s wedding ring-clad finger up to a couple of gay guys and going, “Nyeah nyeah nyeah nyeah nyeah, there’s no reason at all why you can’t have thissssss.”). This guy basically undercut every principle I know of marriage. You don’t make false promises…you sleep with a woman, date her, she “accidentally” forgets to take her birth control, a month later she tells you she’s pregnant, you cry, you hastily get married, the baby comes out black even though you’re both gingers, and you spend the rest of your life in complete misery. That is how it was written in The Bible and we can’t deviate from that. It was that verse in Exodus. Uh, the chapter that’s after the one about Jesus and why you’re not allowed to do cool stuff. Yeah, that one.

[WSMV]

I’m a big supporter of our troops; for example, I occasionally wear a camouflage hoodie and when people ask me, “What’s up with the hoodie?” I reply “AMERICA, THAT’S WHAT’S UP.” My irrationality aside, this video is just awesome. Maybe you have to be an animal lover to get it, but these dogs’ reactions to their owner coming home stirred something in my black heart.

If you aren’t just a little touched by this, I have no faith in you as a human being. If you lose a little faith in production values at the end though, understandable (never before have I been disappointed to hear Green Day prematurely cut off).

Hopefully Mrs. Soldier was as generous with the tail waggings and licks.

[Something Awful Forums]

Dogs bite people sometimes and, if it’s bad enough, the dog might get put down. It’s sad, but so are a lot of things. But what about when your partially blind dog bites your husband so bad that he dies? Well, if you’re this British woman, you go, “Eh, it happens” and keep the dog.

A father died after being nipped by his dog during a game of fetch.

Steven Sewell, 55, was on holiday in the Scottish Highlands with his wife Angela and teenage son David when the family’s partially blind dog Judy bit him.

The retired teacher patched up the small wound with tissue and carried on as normal because he was not in any pain.

However, an inquest has heard how he began complaining of shivers and sickness a few days later.

He was taken to hospital, where doctors diagnosed blood poisoning, and he died a few days later after the infection spread to his brain.

The family say the dog has never behaved aggressively, and are keeping her in spite of the freak accident.

Mrs Sewell, 53, said of the incident: ‘It was not vicious. It was just bad eyesight and tragic, but you have to accept it and move on.’

[Daily Mail]

I really pray that this is a Halloween costume. I can understand buying the car or sleeping with younger women or sneaking into high schools and pretending you’re a new student, but in reality you just want to sniff the cheerleaders’ skirts right after they put them in their lockers after practice. But trying to look like a 14 year-old emo kid when you have to be pushing 40 or more…there are better things to do with your time. Plus young chicks with daddy complexes don’t want to bone someone with anime hair. The older you can look without a dialysis machine, the better.

[NextRound]

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I like how the thug gentleman doesn’t name a price. The odds of you leaving with your house robbed and your child still not fixed seem unavoidably high.

So, is being a real thug a skilled service? I mean I guess there’s a certain art form to hustling, but I don’t think what the thug is offering is actually skilled. Making crazy eyes and going, “You don’t know what it’s like YOU LITTLE BITCH” then smacking a wall seems like something anyone with a regional theatre background could do. I don’t think you actually need experience shanking someone to scare a wannabe thug kid in the white area of Williamstown, New Jersey. You could probably just show him a flash card of a black guy in a doorag and he’d be horrified. They know black people there like you know yetis.

[Craigslist via Reddit]

Great sex will do crazy things to a person. But amnesia? Apparently that’s the case in this absurd story of a woman who, after a boning from her lover, ended up thinking it was like a decade earlier. Ruh roh.

One August morning, Alice and her husband, Scott, had sex.

That’s when things became confusing. Rather than appearing pleased, Alice, 59, seemed disoriented.

As they lay in bed, Scott (the couple asked that their last name not be used) flicked on the television, which was showing the Olympics. This perplexed Alice. “Is there an Olympics?” she asked. This was during the Michael Phelps mania, when the swimmer seemed to be everywhere.

“Are you sure there is an Olympics?” Alice asked again.

Scott recalled, “I saw that something was wrong, so I asked her, ‘OK what day is it?’ ”

Alice appeared even more perplexed.

“Who’s our president?” he quizzed.

“Bill Clinton,” she answered. This was 2008.

[Read the whole mindbending story at CNN]

You may think you know all you need to know about mobile homes, but you haven’t even scratched the surface until you’ve seen this obscenely bad ass ad for Cullman Liquidation Co.

It almost makes me want to buy a home with wheels. But there’s so much effort involved, what with having to lose my truck and my dog and my gal. And learning to hate all types of ethnic minorities. If it were 75% of those, sure, but all four? Too much effort. Plus how can you effectively run a meth lab when your house is rolling down a street? Your house rolling into an abutment must have set back redneck scientists at least 30 years.

A new bride discovered that she’s allergic to her husband’s sperm.

Mike and Julie Boyde dated for two years and were then married. Their wedding night was the first time they decided to have unprotected sex, and that’s when things went wrong.

“Pretty much right after I knew something was not right because I was in a lot of pain,” Julie told ABC News . “The pain that I was feeling was inside, kind of like, somebody was sticking needles up inside of me and like a burning, like really painful burning.”

Julie said she would be in pain for days and that on a scale of 1 to 10, her pain was a 10.

“Was there something wrong with me? Was there something wrong with him,” she said.

Their situation has essentially rendered them unable to conceive as Julie’s body automatically destroys the sperm.

I think we’ve all heard those excuses before. “Oh, I’m allergic to it” “Oh I have a gag reflex!” “Oh, it got in my eyes, now I can’t see, help me! Wait why do I hear you walking away? Are you making a sandwich? I hear mayonnaise.” Psh, women.

Anyway, it seems obvious to me that the child would turn out to be a Satanic spawn, which is why it hurts so much. Devil jizz is like ghost chili hot sauce.

[My FOX DC]

Shaolin monks supposedly endure a training technique which involves pummeling themselves to strengthen their bodies (it also supposedly revives dead fat cells, which makes it easier to stay fit). Monks live to be like 1000 years old and could still probably kick your ass, so I don’t want to question them too much. But when you’re a gawky kid doing the same thing, well, it just looks silly.

I say this without any scientific knowledge, but I can’t think of any situation in which beating yourself with a baseball bat will have a positive impact on your life. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. Even a baseball, which is made to survive repeatedly getting hit by a baseball bat, can often get the cover torn off it by a scintillating hit or two. This kid does not seem tougher to me than a baseball. And if he disagrees, I’m pretty sure Mr. Met would have a none too pleasant word or two for him. He’s got a baseball for a head, man, he’s got nothing to lose. Well, other than many many baseball games.

What if I were to tell you that a mere fourteen years ago, a dance crew of pre-pubescent boys emulated the popular male erotic dancers from Chippendales and not only did no one stop them, but they also became somewhat famous? You’d probably say I’m stoned. And you’d be right. But that doesn’t mean that this didn’t happen. Meet The Chippendiddys.

Before you click play here, you may want to avoid doing this in public. It’s work safe theoretically, the boys even appeared on Sally Jesse Raphael, but I’d avoid watching it if you’re anywhere in which you smiling and watching young boys stripping and prancing about shirtless might be perceived as creepy.

I really need to stress here that this was just FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. These kids even somehow got an amateur documentary made about them, creatively titled The Chippendiddys. Here’s a review:

This is relatively rare and somewhat hard to find, but it’s a very sweet little film and well-worth the effort to do so. It’s a documentary about a group of young English boys who love to dance, and so they do their own take-off on the famed Chippendales male dancers, including the requisite hip thrusts and all sorts of wiggles and gyrations, basically shaking their little booties all over the place (which apparently some misguided souls took moral umbrage with, but it’s entirely innocent, they are having the time of their lives, and they’re just being boys)…but beyond the dancing, it’s just a story about the boys, their hopes, dreams and aspirations. The dancing is very cute, but I enjoyed that insight into the boys lives even more.

It’s excellent. I can’t recommend this highly enough.

Certainly an insightful review by Paula Poundstone.

In the annals of bad ideas, I’d say this one has to rank up there pretty highly. How did this float past the parents? “Mom, do you mind if we disrobe in front of this strange man and his video camera? He says we’re going to be in a really touching movie!” “Well Bobby, normally I’d say no, but he seems so enthusiastic and if you can’t trust a strange man with a wispy mustache who wants to film my boy dancing around in the nude, then who can I trust!”

So is this boys just being (fancy) boys or perhaps the creepiest thing you’ve ever seen? Discuss!