The Best Filipino Jokes

All about marriage

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 11:50:00 +0000

Fact or fiction (you make the call): 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. 2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin… they...

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Sekyu

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 13:20:00 +0000

Airforce: "No guts, No glory!" Marines: "No retreat, No surrender!" Army: "No pain, No gain!" Naks ayaw patalo ang Security Guards: "No I.D, No entry!" {lang: 'en-GB'}

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Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 12:31:00 +0000

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen." "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me." "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You...

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Madamot

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:44:00 +0000

Juan: Oys, ano yan? Pinya? Pahingi naman dyan. Pedro: Pahingi? Nasaan ka noong nagbubungkal ako ng lupa sa ilalim ng init ng araw? Nasaan ka noong nagtatanim ako habang kumukulog, kumikidlat...

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In A Bar

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:24:00 +0000

A gorgeous lady was sitin alone in a bar. Guy: Hi There! The lady ignored him. Guy: You caught my atenti0n as i enter the bar, is it ok to get your nember? Lady: If you have a BMW, a house in...

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Common Sense

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:13:00 +0000

Isang bata, nagpasa ng blank paper sa art teacher..a Teacher: Bakit blank ang work mo? Bata: Nagdrawing po ako ng baka at damo. Teacher: (tinignan ulit ang papel) San ang damo? Bata: Ubos na...

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May Tatlong Bampira sa Bar

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 07:01:00 +0000

RICH VAMPIRE: Oorder ako ng fresh blood. ORDINARY VAMPIRE: Sa akin isang order na dinuguan. POOR VAMPIRE: Hot water na lang sa akin. WAITER: Bakit hot water lang po.? POOR VAMPIRE: Nakapulot kasi ako...

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Katawan Lang

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 01:43:00 +0000

Isang magasawa ang dumulog sa korte para magpaannul. Judge: Ano ang dahilan para kayo magpaannul? Babae : ( Nagsalita habang nakayuko ) Your honor, katawan lang ang gusto niya sa akin. Judge : Anong...

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Mahal ako ni tatay

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 01:42:00 +0000

ANAK: 'Tay! Sino mas mahal mo, ako o si nanay? TATAY: Syempre ikaw anak... ANAK: Kaya pala kapag madaling araw, ako po ay kinukumutan niyo at si nanay naman po ay hinuhubaran niyo... sweet niyo...

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COMPLETE VERSION

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 01:36:00 +0000

Dad: Anak bili mo ko soft drinks. Anak: Coke o Pepsi? Dad: Coke! Anak:Diet o Regular? Dad: Regular! Anak:Bote O Can? Dad: Bote! Anak: 8 oz. o Litro? Dad: Punyeta! Tubig na lang! Anak: Natural o...

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Call Girl

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 01:31:00 +0000

Misis1: Lolokohin ko ang mister ko kunwari isa akong call girl. Misis2: O sige game ako dyan! Nakita ni misis1 c mister... Misis1: Hello boy pwede ka ba ngayon? Mister: Ayoko nga sa yo kamukha mo...

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Nakakasalat

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 01:23:00 +0000

Sakristan: Father, may libangan din ba ang mga Pari? Pari: Oo, naman, pag dating ng hapon, kaming mga pari dito sa bayan ay naglalaro ng Mahjong. Sakristan: Bakit po naman Mahjong pa ang napili...

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Panalangin

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 06:18:00 +0000

Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos. Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na po...

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Pasahe

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 04:33:00 +0000

Sa Isang Jeep Pasahero: Mama, magkano po yong pasahe? Driver: 7 pesos yong minimum. Pasahero: (Dumukot ito sa bulsa para kunin yong pera niya, ngunit sa 'di sinasadyang dahilan kulang yong...

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Ano daw?

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 10:51:00 +0000

Mga Holidays... Q: ano ang holiday para sa mga nanay? A: mothers day Q: ano ang holiday para sa mga tatay? A: fathers day Q: ano naman ang tawag sa holiday ng mga buntis? A: e di, labor day! Q: ano...

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Dictionary for Women

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 14:02:00 +0000

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a...

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Rules For Women

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 11:40:00 +0000

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it...

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Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 15:58:00 +0000

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: 1. I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. 2. A client called in...

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Upuan

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 13:14:00 +0000

Noy Noy: Hindi ako magnanakaw! Gibo: Ako din hindi din ako magnanakaw! Erap: Ako babalik ako dahil hindi pa ako tapos magnakaw! Villar: Ako din! Magnanakaw ako dahil malaki nagastos ko. Babawi na...

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Ways To Know You Are A Filipino

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:13:00 +0000

1. You point with your lips 2. You nod upwards to greet someone. 3. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir". 4. You smile for no reason. 5. You flirt by having a foolish grin in...

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Friends at Hunting

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:10:00 +0000

Three friends La Sallite, a UP stude, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip. The first night, the guy from UP comes back to cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly...

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Where To Go To College?

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:07:00 +0000

If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP. If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo. If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle If you have no money, go to...

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Little Nancy

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 10:25:00 +0000

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, ...

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Not Expected

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 11:48:00 +0000

Lester went off on a country trip, but had gone only three blocks before he realised that he had left his call cards on the coffee table. He went back home and quietly went into the house. His wife...

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When Money Died and Went to Heaven

noreply@blogger.com (zu) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 07:02:00 +0000

A 10 dollar bill, a 5 dollar bill, and a 100 dollar bill all die and go to heaven. God sees the 1 dollar bill and says he's been good, so he let him in. He also let the 5 dollar bill in for being...

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