tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40260631381061867572024-10-25T07:07:01.553+08:00Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-45926127697806094052009-07-08T14:08:00.002+08:002009-07-08T14:09:12.395+08:00boy: mom, there's a stranger having s*x with our maid in the kitchen...<br />mom (in panic): where?!<br />boy: joke joke joke! it's only dad.. <br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br />madre: father, tell your seminarians not to urinate along the fence.<br />priest: sister naman! maliliit na bagay pinapansin mo...<br />madre: no! malalaki father, malalakiiiiii!!!<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br />atty: angel, pwede mo bang idescribe dito sa korte ang taong nangrape sa yo?<br />angel: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at bungal po.<br />suspect: sige! mamintas ka pa t*ng*na mo!<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />girl went to doctor due to bad cough and colds. doc places stethoscope on her chest and said, "big breaths." girl proudly replies, "yeth, and i'm only thixteen!"<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />2 madre nirerape ng goons.<br />madre1: dyos ko, patawarin mo po sila. hindi nila nalalaman ang kanilang ginagawa!<br />madre2: ay, yung akin marunong!<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />pari: sister, *** ba yung nasa cr? kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.<br />sister: sandali naka panty lang ako.<br />pari: ok, antay ako.<br />sister: pasok na, wala na ko panty!<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />"Pinapaikot mo lang ako. Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo na lang ako."<br /><br />- electric fan<br /><br /><br />"Hindi lahat ng walang salawal ay bastos.<br /><br />- Winnie D' Pooh<br /><br /><br />"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo. Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo."<br /><br />- ipis<br /><br /><br />"Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!?"<br /><br />- gasolina<br /><br /><br />"Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya."<br /><br />- plema<br /><br /><br />"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa 'yo. Ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao ganun mo na lang ako itanggi..."<br /><br />- utot<br /><br /><br />"Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."<br /><br />- bola<br /><br /><br />"You never know what you have till you lose it. And once you lose it, you can never get it back."<br /><br />- snatcher<br /><br /><br />"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?<br /><br />- TV<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />"Sige, batihin mo ako.... Sigeee.....BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"<br /><br />- omelette<br /><br /><br />"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!"<br /><br />- libag<br /><br />"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"<br /><br />- Lego<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />How come I?<br /><br /><br /><br />How come I?<br /><br /><br /><br />How come I?<br /><br /><br /><br />di kita iiwan sa paglakbay...<br /><br /><br />- yeng and yang<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />RUDY: Wow!!!!!! ang cute nung chicks<br /><br />PHILLIP: Sexy pa. Grabeh<br /><br />ROBIN: Sino? Yung nka-miniskirt? Kilala ko yan!!!! Sandali ha. Tatawagin ko ha!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ROBIN: Pssssttt, Kuya Rustom....!!!!<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br />"Sige, batihin mo ako....<br />Sigeee.....<br />BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />-omelette<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />MARE 1: Mare, anong pinagsasasabi mong parang kabayo ang mukha ko?<br />MARE 2: Hindi mare, ang sabi ko, ang kabayo namin kamukha mo!<br />MARE 1: Ah, sa susunod mare, lilinawin mo ah!<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />BOY: Mommy, batit ato buyoy?<br />MOM: Kc d k p circumcized.<br />BOY: Ate, batit ato buyoy?<br />ATE: kc d k p tuli.<br />BOY: Dadi, batit ato buyoy?<br />DAD: Kati anak, di k p tuyi!<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />NANAY: Wala kang utang na loob! Mula ngayon, di na kita tatawaging anak<br />at wag mo na rin akong tatawaging nanay! Hala! Sige! LAYAS!<br /><br />ANAK: Cge dude, alis na ko!<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Tsut tsut tsut tsut tsu DORA<br />Tsut tsut tsut tsut tsu DORA<br />Dora, Dora the explorer!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Send this to 99 of your friends or magiging NEGRANG LAKWATSERA ka tulad<br />ni DORA. Maglalakwatsa ka sa AFRICA!<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Quote of the day:<br />"Ang buhay ay parang bato.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />IT'S HARD."<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />PATIENT: Doc, bkit gabi2 lagi akong nananaginip na nagbabadminton ako?<br />DOC: Inumin mo i2 at gagaling ka agad!<br />PATIENT: Di pwede!<br />DOC: Bakit?<br />PATIENT: Finals na mamaya, eh!<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Encouraging words for today:<br />"Kung hindi ka na masaya sa buhay mo,<br />bakit di mo subukan ang kabilang buhay?"<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Sulat ng anak sa kañang mgulang:<br /><br />Dear Tatay and Nanay,<br />Bakit ño binenta ang kalabaw e akin naman un?<br />Galit talaga ako! Mula *****, di ño n ako anak!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Ur friend,<br />Boyet<br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br />mag syota naglalakad sa park...<br />(bf feeling horny)<br /><br />gf: hon, ihi muna ako<br />bf: cge, jan na lang sa damuhan<br /><br />habang umiihi, kinapkap ni bf ang legs ni gf.. nang may mahawakan siyang mahaba sa gitna ng legs<br /><br />bf:nagpalit ka ba ng kasarian?<br />gf: hindi!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />gf: nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon.. tatae na lang ako...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />erap talking to his gardener..<br /><br />erap: hoy! bakit hindi ka nagdidilig?<br />gardener: umuulan naman po eh<br /><br />erap: dat's no excuse! magpayong ka!!!<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />mrs: tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos.<br />mr: ikaw, makeup mo mas magastos.<br />mrs: nagpapaganda ko para sa yo.<br />mr: ako umiinom para gumanda ka!<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />boy1: busog na ko.<br />boy2: ubusin mo yan. d mo ba alam maraming nagugutom sa buong mundo?<br />boy1: bakit?! pag inubos ko ba to mabubusog ba sila ha?!<br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br />Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Type kasi kita...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Lando: 'Nay uminom po ako ng BAYGON.<br />Nanay: Ha? nagpapakamatay ka ba?<br />Lando: Hindi po, nakalunok po ako ng buhay na ipis!<br />Nanay: T*NGA! uminom ka nun...e di ka pa nagdi-dinner!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />#240Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-73750214829784067822009-05-29T13:33:00.001+08:002009-05-29T13:33:00.231+08:00Amo: Inday, gamitin mo itong chalk pamatay ng ipis, isulat mo sa pader.<br />Maid: Yes, ati!<br /><br />Next day nagulat ang amo.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Nakasulat sa pader:<br />"EPIS, MAMATAY KAYONG LAHAT! SIYET! PAK YO!!"<br /><br />=============================================<br /><br />"miss, alam mo ba, hindi tayo tao... hindi tayo hayop... at hindi tayo halaman...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />BAGAY TAYO! BAGAY!"<img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/lol.gif" alt="" title="laughing out loud" class="inlineimg" border="0" /><br /><br />=============================================<br /><br /><b>"Hindi lahat ng bubuyog kulay itim!"</b><br /><br />- Jollibee<br /><br /><br /><br /><b>"Sige! Magpakasaya ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo!"</b><br /><br />- Hipon<br /><br /><br /><b>"Wag ka nang magmatigas! Ako din ang nahihirapan"</b><br /><br />- Brief<br /><br /><br /><b>"Sige, kalimutan mo ako! Para malaman ng lahat ang baho mo!"</b><br /><br />- Deodorant<br /><br /><br /><b>"Hindi lahat ng dugo pwedeng idonate"</b><br /><br />- Regla<br /><br /><br /><b>"Hindi lang likas papaya ang kayang magpaputi"</b><br /><br />- an an<br /><br /><br /><b>"Hindi lahat ng hinog matamis"</b><br /><br />- Nana<br /><br /><br /><b>"Ayoko na! Bakit pag nagmamahal ako nagagalit sila?"</b><br /><br />- Gasolina<br /><br /><br /><b>"Alam mo... wala na akong hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa'yo. Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo.." <img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/frown.gif" alt="" title="Frown" class="inlineimg" border="0" /></b><br /><br />- Ipis<br /><br />=========================================<br /><br />Isang binata ang pinilit ng isang matanda na gahasain siya...<br /><br />Lola: Apo, rape-in mo ko at pagkatapos noon magiging isa akong magandang fairy at bigla kang yayaman<br /><br />sumunod naman ang binata, pagkatapos mang-rape<br /><br />Binata: Bakit di pa po kayo nagiging fairy at di pa rin ako mayaman<br /><br />Lola: Ilang taon ka na ba?<br /><br />Binata: 22<br /><br />Lola: Ang tanda-tanda mo na naniniwala ka pa sa fairy tale..<br /><br />---<br /><br />Berto: Nagagalit saken ang misis ko kapag inuuwi ko sa bahay yung mga hindi ko natapos na trabaho.<br /><br />Mario: Bakit, ano ba ang trabaho mo?<br /><br />Berto: Embalsamador<br />---<br /><br />ang<br />problema<br />parang<br />bola.<br />minsan<br />madaling<br />idribol,<br /><br />minsan<br />madaling<br />ishoot.<br /><br />pero, pag<br />sobrang<br />dami na ng<br />kalaban<br /><br />at<br />di mo<br />na kaya..<br /><br />ipasa<br />mo!...<br /><br />Oh..oh..<br />wag saken<br />referee<br />lang ako<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />"saang lugar parehong kulot and buhok ng babae at lalake??"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />....i like what you're thinking....<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />......sa africa!!<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />BOY1: Tanungin mo ako ng English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish.<br />BOY2: What is more important, heart or mind?<br />BOY1: Spanish<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />CUSTOMER: Waiter! Ba't ang tagal ng order ko. Ilan ba lahat ang cook n'yo dito?<br />WAITER: Ay sir, wala po kaming cuk dito, pipse lang! pipse!!!<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />GIRL: yellow isusuot ko, ***?<br />BOY: green shirt.<br />Sa coffee shop........<br />Ugly girl in yellow comes in, walang nka green. Nilapitan ang guy in red.<br />GIRL: Excuse me, are you my textmate?<br />BOY: Bakit, naka green ba ako?<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />do<br />you know<br />y witches<br />dont wear<br />PANTY?<br />2 gve<br />dm btr<br />grip on<br />deyr bromms!<br />*** pala ***<br />twa ng twa!<br />hi hi hi hi<br /><br />nkikiliti n<br />*** ang mga<br />bruha!<br /><br />======================<br /><br /><br />a new army capt inspcted d soldiers in their baraks. he noticed a female horse.<br />capt:whats that horse for?<br />sgt<img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/redface.gif" alt="" title="Embarrassment" class="inlineimg" border="0" />ur men use her f they feel an urge to have sex<br />capt:ah ok<br /><br />(1 night, the capt felt an urge to have sex so the sgtbrought the horse,after that he saw the sgt smiling outside his tent)<br />capt:ang hirap naman, how do you do it?<br />sgt:we ride on the horse to the next town wer the girls are<br />capt<img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/tongue.gif" alt="" title="Stick Out Tongue" class="inlineimg" border="0" />ppuuuutttaaahhh!!!!<br /><br />=========================================<br /><br />erap: jinggoy, akyat ka sa puino... pisilin mo yung bunga kung hinog na.<br />jinggoy: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga) dad, hinog na po.<br />erap: sige baba ka na, sungkitin na natin...<br /><br />=========================================<br /><br />erap calling emergency hotline: pls send help asap! my daughter is giving birth and turning blue!<br />operator: calm down sir. is this her first baby?<br />erap: ****! this is her father!<br /><br />=========================================<br /><br />an american and erap were running out of a burning building leaving some girls behind.<br />erap: what about the girls?<br />american: f*ck them!<br />erap: do we still have time?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />#200Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-66461543016361338422009-05-28T11:52:00.002+08:002009-05-28T11:52:01.162+08:00SECRETARY: Attorney, idedemanda ko ang boss ko ng sexual harrassment!<br />ATTORNEY: Huh? Bakit anong ginawa nya?<br />SECRETARY: Sinabihan nya akong "ang bago ng buhok mo!"<br />ATTORNEY: Yun lang dedemanda mo na?<br />SECRETARY: Pero attorney, unano ang boss ko! UNANO!!<br /><br />=======================================<br /><br />anak: Nay' ANg galing ng titser namin.. Tinuruan kami ng magandang asal<br /><br />Nanay: Talaga? edi marunong ka nang gumalang at mag po at opo?<br /><br />anak: natural........ t@nga ka ba?<br /><br />=======================================<br /><br />ponkan at mansanas sa refrigerator...<br />Mansanas: Grabe ang lamig dito noh??<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Ponkan: Hala! Nagsasalita *** mansanas!!!<br /><br />#169Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-48705403542931589032009-05-27T11:49:00.002+08:002009-05-27T11:49:00.751+08:00erap writing a request letter to order 2 geese:<br />"i would like to order 2 gooses."<br />mali yata.<br /><br />"i would like to order 2 geeses."<br />mali rin yata.<br /><br />eto na lang.<br /><br />"dear sir, i would like to order 1 goose. thank you very much.<br /><br />p.s. please add 1 goose.<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />teacher: pedro, kilala mo ba si jose rizal?<br />pedro: hindi po...<br /><br />teacher: juan, kilala mo ba si jose rizal?<br />juan: hindi rin po..<br /><br />teacher: (naiinis na) walang nakakakilala sa inyo kay jose rizal???<br />ramon: ma'am baka po sa kabilang section sya!!!<br /><br />nyahahahaha!<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay<br />gumaganda?<br />Mr: Oo naman.<br />Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?<br />Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />Husband: Malamig na sinangag, matabang na kape, maalat na sabaw, paano ka ba naman gaganahan nito?<br /><br />Wife: MAASIM NA ITLOG, MALAMBOT NA *ITI, MALAKING TYAN, KALA MO BA GINAGANAHAN AKO ?! TSE!!!<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />Anak: Nay, me regla na po ako. Pahingi po ng napkin nyo.<br /><br />Nanay: Cge, magnapkin ka para<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />TAGAIN KO YANG **YAG MO NG DUGUIN KA NG TULUYAN ANIMA* KA!<br /><br /><br />============================================<br /><br />BRUNO: ano yang nasa papel na yan?<br />PEDRO: listahan ng mga takot sa akin.<br />BRUNO: patingin nga!... Bakit andito pangalan ko!!!<br />PEDRO: bakit lalaban ka?<br />BRUNO: OO!!<br />PEDRO: eh di tanggalin problema ba yun?<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />what is the best sexual position<br /><br />to create a gorgeous, charming<br /><br />absolutely attractive and<br /><br />cute baby?.....<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ask my parents!<br /><br />=========================================================<br /><br />a guy donated blood<br />to his girlfriend<br /><br />when they broke up,<br />he wanted his blood back..<br /><br />the girl threw a bloody napkin<br />at him and said:<br /><br />"i'll pay u on monthly basis!"<br /><br />=========================================================<br /><br />man visits Chinese friend dying in a hospital..<br /><br />friend says: "I TA GUAE YONG KHEE!"<br />....and dies...<br /><br />Man goes to China to find the meaning of<br />friend's last words:<br /><br />"YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!"<br /><br />=========================================================<br /><br />A man and his nagger wife went to Jerusalem(the holy land) for a vacation. When they were in Jerusalem his wife suddenly died.<br />The Undertaker ask the man if he wanted to take his wife home for $5000 or bury her at Jerusalem for only $500.<br /><br />The man replied that he wanted to take his wife home.<br /><br />Undertaker: Sir why do you wan't to take your wife home? Why don't you just bury her here in the holy land where it is cheaper<br /><br />The man replied: Years ago a man died here, after 3 days he rose from the dead. Nope! I wouldn't take a chance.Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-76300608596147962012009-05-26T11:47:00.002+08:002009-05-26T11:47:00.845+08:00DOC talking to moms:<br /><br />1st mom mahilig ka sa sweets, so u named your daughter CANDY,<br /><br />2nd mom mahilig ka sa pera so you named your son PENNY<br /><br />3rd mom tumayo, <b>"Let's go D!CK bago tayo mainsulto dito!!"<br /><br />=========================================<br /><br /></b>Guro: Class, sino gusto pumunta sa langit?<br /><br />Lahat nagtaas ng kamay maliban kay Juan<br /><br />Guro: Bakit Juan, ayaw mo bang pumunta sa langit?<br /><br />Juann: Sabi kase ng nanay ko uwi agad ako... Gagabihin ba tayo???<br /><br />============================================<br /><br />Mahirap Buhay ng babae...<br /><br />Umaga - Laba damit<br /><br />Tanghali - Sampay damit<br /><br />Hapon - Tiklop damit<br /><br />Hating gabi - hubad damit<br /><br />Madaling araw - hanap damit<br /><br />========================================<br /><br />Pulis : nakilala mo ba yung nang rape sa yo?<br /><br />Girl : Hindi po eh..<br /><br />Pulis : Bakit hindi mo nakilala?<br /><br />Girl : eh kasi po, naka 69 po kami eh.<br /><br />=======================================<br /><br />Filipino Class:<br /><br />guro: juan, magbigay ng pangungusap na may tayutay...<br />juan: ahem... "ang tatay ay nadapa...tayu tay! tayuuu tay!<br /><br />=======================================<br /><br />bisaya went to the US to have his penis checked. in the clinic, the bisaya pulled down his pants and exclaimed: SAKIT DOK!<br />the american doctor blurted out: SUCK IT YOURSELF!Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-89168913857532491442009-05-25T11:47:00.002+08:002009-05-25T11:47:01.478+08:00anong difference ng joke sa magtanim?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ang joke ay biro..........<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ang magtanim ay di biro........<br /><br />nyahahaha magkamatayan sa kakornihan! walang pakialamanRhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-52503487444408781492009-05-24T11:46:00.002+08:002009-05-24T11:46:00.701+08:00BOY1: Ang galing magpatawa ng lolo ko.pwede sa tv<br /><br />BOY2: Mas magaling ang lolo ko, King of Comedy!<br /><br />BOY1: <img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/whatthahell.gif" alt="" title="what the!?" class="inlineimg" border="0" /> Huh! Bakit sino ba lolo mo?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />BOY2: Si Dolphy!<br /><br /><br /><br />Ako nga si <b>BOY2</b> di ba?<br /><img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/rotfl.gif" alt="" title="rolling on the floor laughing" class="inlineimg" border="0" />Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-5576762876060301212009-05-23T11:45:00.002+08:002009-05-23T11:45:01.128+08:00lasing: hoy! sinong matapang dyan ha? labas!<br />lalaki: ako! baket lalaban ka?<br />lasing: pare, hatid mo naman ako sa bahay namin, baka mapagtripan ako eh...<br /><br />======================================<br /><br />mare 1: mare, pwede ba dito muna ko sa inyo? lumayas ako sa min kasi buntis ako.<br />mare 2: dapat sa taong nakabuntis sa yo ka pumunta<br />mare 1: kaya nga dito ako pumunta. andyan ba si pare?<br /><br />======================================<br /><br />husband: love, promise, simula ngayon, iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko.<br />wife: wow, thank you love, ako naman i promise, ang next nating anak, ikaw na ama! Promise talaga!<br /><br />======================================<br /><br />to na siguro ang pinakamasakit na sasabihin ng tatay mo sayo:<br /><br />"******* KANG BATA KA! Kung alam ko lang na magiging **** ka sana PINAHID NA LANG KITA SA TUWALYA!..."Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-13037040947304826182009-05-22T11:45:00.002+08:002009-05-22T11:45:01.249+08:00<table id="post17114507" class="tborder" align="center" border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr valign="top"><td class="alt1" id="td_post_17114507" style="border-right: 1px solid rgb(255, 255, 255);"><div id="post_message_17114507">"tandaan mo na minsan kailangan tayo saktan at ibaon ng iba para malaman natin ang ating silbi, saka natin maiisip, mahalaga pala tayo" - pako<br /><br />----<br /><br />when you want to make a difference...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />... subtract!<br /><br />----<br /><br />q: anong tawag sa isang unanong clairvoyant na nakatakas mula sa Bilibid?<br /><br />a: a small medium at large</div> <!-- / message --> </td> </tr> <tr> <td class="alt2" style="border-style: none solid solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color rgb(255, 255, 255) rgb(255, 255, 255); border-width: 0px 1px 1px;"> <img title="liwayway is offline" class="inlineimg" src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images_pex/statusicon/user_offline.gif" alt="liwayway is offline" border="0" /> </td> <td class="alt1" style="border-style: none solid solid none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color rgb(255, 255, 255) rgb(255, 255, 255) -moz-use-text-color; border-width: 0px 1px 1px 0px;" align="right"> <!-- controls --> <a style="text-decoration: line-through;" href="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/newreply.php?do=newreply&amp;p=17114507" rel="nofollow"><img title="Reply With Quote" src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images_pex/buttons/quote.gif" alt="Reply With Quote" border="0" /></a></td></tr></tbody></table>Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-57317952628941245202009-05-21T11:44:00.002+08:002009-05-21T11:44:01.005+08:00<b>Host </b>: Saan "B" tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?<br /><b>Contestant:</b> Banyo?<br /><b>Host:</b> Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.<br /><b>Contestant:</b> Bubong?<br /><b>Host </b>: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.<br /><b>Contestant:</b> Beerhouse! <img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif" alt="" title="Big Grin" class="inlineimg" border="0" /><br /><br />=================================================<br /><br />In a bus, a lady hears 2 jamaican men engaged in animated discussion:<br /><br />"Emma cum 1st then I cum then 2 asses cum together. I cum once-a-more. 2 asses, dey cum together again. I cum again and pee twice. then I cum 1 last time."<br /><br />Lady: " you foul-mouthed sex-obsessed jerks, in this country we dont speak<br /> aloud about our sex lives in public places"<br /><br />Jamaican: " hey coola down lady, who talkin about sex? Ima justa tellina my<br /> friend how to spella MISSISSIPPI."<br /><br /><br />=================================================<br /><br />Sabi ni DOC kay Lolo: "Lo, i need samples of your urine, stool and semen"<br /><br />Lolo: Ano daw kailangan ni doc??<br /><br />Wife: ibigay mo nalang Brief mo, andun na lahat yun....!! <img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/rotflmao.gif" alt="" title="rolling on the floor laughing my a$$ off" class="inlineimg" border="0" /><br /><br />=================================================<br /><br /><br />GRO: sir! ELMO pala name nyo<br /><br />Man: di ah!<br /><br />GRO: yan ang nakatatoo sa manoy mo, liit nga!<br /><br />Man: sige himas mo. O! ano basa mo?<br /><br />GRO: WOW! <b>EL</b> FILIBUSTERIS<b>MO</b>Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-56093640368576982802009-05-20T11:43:00.001+08:002009-05-20T11:43:00.632+08:00BATA: Dagul, bakit po kayo pandak?<br /><br />DAGUL: Maaga kasi akong naulila sa magulang.<br /><br />BATA: Nge! E anong koneksyon nun sa pagiging pandak mo?<br /><br />DAGUL: E kasi nga, walang nagpalaki sa akin.<br /><br />==================================<br /><br />LAWYER: ilang beses ka ni-rape ng akusado?<br /><br />GIRL: 3x po.<br /><br />SUSPECT: hoy! 2x lang!<br /><br />GIRL: anong 2x lang? bakit, di ba counted yung nasa ibabaw ako?!<br /><br />=================================<br /><br />Inspiring quote of the day:<br /><br /><br />"Tinatamad na ako magind tamad."<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />#120Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-49078803793261803712009-05-19T11:42:00.001+08:002009-05-19T11:42:01.651+08:00Erap writing on a slum book<br /><br />Favorite Actor:<br />Arnold Scharzene... (erase)<br />Arnold Schwarze... (erase)<br />Arnold Schwarzz... (erase)<br />Arnold Shwazenne.... (erase)<br />Arnold Shwazenner... (erase)<br />Arnold Shwarzenneg... (erase)<br />Arnold Schchwarzenne... (erase)<br />Arnold Clavio<br /><br />---<br /><br />Nakabasag si Erap ng vase sa museum. Nataranta ang tour guide!<br /><br />Tour guide: Naku sir, more than 500 years old na yan!<br />Erap: Whew! Buti na lang. Akala ko bago.Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-56971512394230846492009-05-18T11:41:00.000+08:002009-05-18T11:41:01.065+08:00TEACHER: Lahat tayo nagmula kay adam and eve.<br />STUDENT: Ma'am, hindi yan totoo... Sabi ng tatay ko nagmula raw tayo sa mga unggoy!<br />TEACHER: Boy, hindi natin pinaguusapan ang pamilya mo. <img src="http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/images/smilies/lol.gif" alt="" title="laughing out loud" class="inlineimg" border="0" /><br /><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />A beautiful story:<br /><br />A girl asked a boy if he thought she was pretty...<br /><br />He said no.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Ayun, badtrip yung girl.<br />Nagtanong pa kasi eh...<br /><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />TOP 8 Melanie Marquez Quotes:<br /><br />1.I couldn't care a damn!<br />2.What's your next class before this?<br />3.Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top? (ulitin natin hanggang mamatay tayo!)<br />4. Hello, my brother Joey is out of town. Would you like to wait?<br />5.Don't touch me not!<br />6. Hello? For a while, please wait yourself.<br />7. You!! You're not a boy anymore! You're a man anymore!<br />8. Come, let's join us! (Why not, no?)Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-56327055368710384542009-05-17T12:11:00.000+08:002009-04-21T23:37:03.100+08:00ANAK: Dad! Nakaexperience na ako ng blowjob!! Yahooo!!!<br />DAD: Wow anak! Binata ka na!! Anong feeling?<br />ANAK: Ang sakit po sa panga!!<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />TEBAN: Pare sinong idol mo?<br />GOLIATH: Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.<br />TEBAN: Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.<br />GOLIATH: Hindi, joke lang pare, si jet li talaga idol ko.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Pag nagalit mama mo,<br />kasi late ka na umuwi...<br /><br />Wag ka matakot.<br />Unahan mo:<br />"Bakit ngayon lang ako umuwi?<br />San ako nanggaling?"<br /><br />Sabay kuha ng bag at damit saka mo isigaw...<br /><br />"Punyetang bata ako!<br />Hala sige lumayas ako!!"<br /><br /><br />-----------------------------------------------<br /><br />Anong gagawin mo pag tumulo ang sipon mo sa harap ng crush mo?<br /><br />Pahirin mo using your point finger,<br />Isubo at sipsipin then say...<br /><br />"Sa totoo lang, laking NIDO din ako!"<br /><br /><br />#115Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-79385172229308036412009-05-16T12:10:00.001+08:002009-04-29T17:21:54.548+08:00nakatakas si Erap, FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa farm.<br /><br />Terorist1: Ano nakita mo dyan?<br />Terorist2: Mga sako lang. Tingnan mo kung me laman!<br /><br />Sinipa ng terorista ang sako. "Meow!" sabi ni GMA.<br /><br />Terorist2: PUSA!<br /><br />Sinipa ang isa pang sako. "Aw! Aw!" sabi ni FVR.<br /><br />Terorist2: ASO!<br /><br />Sinipa ang 1 pang sako pero walang tunog kaya sinipa nya ito ng sinipa. Nasasaktan na si Erap kaya sabi nito, "PATATAS AKO kaya wala akong sound. Mga *****!"<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.<br /><br />Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga! Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw hindi<br />na!Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-49956253205608504502009-05-15T12:09:00.001+08:002009-04-29T17:22:38.573+08:00sa mall..<br /><br />mom: anak, wag kang bibitaw sa palda ko para di ka mawala.<br />anak: opo!<br /><br />2 hours later...<br /><br />mom: mamang sikyo, may nakita ba kayong batang may dalang palda?<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />hindi makapagtimpla ng juice si inday.<br /><br /><br />dahil nkasulat:<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />concentrate.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder.<br /><br /><br />NYYAAAH! sigaw ng driver.<br />passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?<br />driver: sori bosing, bago lang kasi ako sa taxi, 25 yrs ako driver ng funeraria!Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-67174606918108808242009-05-14T12:08:00.001+08:002009-04-29T17:23:32.569+08:00Girl: Ang gwapo ni Sir. Ano kayang gagawin ko para mapansin niya ako? Ah! Ilalagay ko kaya sa mesa panty ko.<br /><br />Sir: Kaninong panty to?<br /><br />Girl: Akin po <kinikilig>.<br /><br />Sir: May tae.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Sa isang classroom<br /><br />GURO: Pedro, nasan ang MAYON?<br />PEDRO: ha?malay ko sir! kayo tong nakawala,saakin mo hahanapin! umayos ka sir! Hindi mo ko kabiruan!!! <br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />knock knock<br />who's der?<br />BAMPIRA<br />bampira who?<br /><br /><br /><br />meron ka bampira dyan?<br />pautang naman.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />napadaan ako sa<br /><br />kanto<br /><br />ng<br /><br />may bigla<br /><br />akong narinig<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />boom!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />tarat tarat! boom tarat tarat. tararat tararat! boom boom boom!!Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-33225983201422654202009-05-13T12:08:00.001+08:002009-04-29T17:24:06.120+08:00BF: may malaki ako problema…<br />GF: problema natin, dahil nagmamahalan tayong dalawa. Ngayon, ano problema natin?<br />BF: nabuntis natin si inday at tayo ang ama.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!<br />Pare2: nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants ng Ms. Universe<br />Pare1: swerte mo! ano problema mo?<br />Pare2: pare ako nanalo!<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />"There what it takes to be. Then we shall so be it because it is.<br />To do or not to is in the what, now or what else.<br />Without which there never to you!"<br />- words of wisdom from Senator Lito LapidRhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-64497155722896118042009-05-12T12:07:00.001+08:002009-04-29T17:24:24.771+08:00Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot<br />Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob<br />Patient: (ininom ang gamot)<br />Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?<br />Patient: oo doc! ****** pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />1 panget na babe, hinoholdap<br /><br />Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!<br />Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!<br />Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!<br />Babae: nagsusuggest lang…<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na…ano ang balak mo itanim sa sakahan mo anak?<br />Anak: flowers po!!! madaming madaming flowers! pretty diba?!Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-52148202177190156232009-05-11T12:07:00.001+08:002009-04-29T17:24:54.269+08:00Bush: lets help one another.<br />Erap: tayo’y magtulungan.<br />Bush: let’s strive together.<br />Erap: tayo’y magsikap.<br />Bush: because in union there is strength.<br />Erap: dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Hating-gabi, hot si misis. Haplos niya ilong ni mister, kiliti niya sa leeg, saka bulong malambing sa tenga…<br />Misis: love, ala na ko panty.<br />Mister: huh! Cge, tulog na, bukas ibili kita.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Wife: honey, bili mo naman ako bra..<br />Husband: hon.. wag ka na bra, liit naman ng dede mo eh.<br />Wife: (taas ang kilay) eh ba’t ikaw naka-brief pa.Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-22299556131777304972009-05-10T12:06:00.001+08:002009-04-29T17:25:20.465+08:00Paalala: Tumawa lang kung kayo'y matatawa… huwag haluan ng malisya….<br /><br />Frankie: doc, bat tuwing umiinom ako ng coke sumasakit ang dibdib ko pero pag libre di naman?<br />Doc: normal yan, manipis ang atay mo pero makapal ang mukha mo!<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Boy: nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!<br />Nanay: bat mo naman nasabi?<br />Boy: ini-announce kasi kanina *** top 1 sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma’am *** katabi ko. Muntik na ako.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Isang babae napaanak biglaan.<br />Girl: doc asan ang anak ko?<br />Doc: kambal anak mo, sister mo ang nagbigay ng names.<br />Girl: eh ***** yun! Anong pinangalan sa mga anak ko?<br />Doc: yung girl, Deniece.<br />Girl: aba ok. Eh yung boy?<br />Doc: denephew.Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-89251162310868122912009-05-09T12:05:00.001+08:002009-04-29T17:26:06.432+08:00Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue,may initials na N.A.<br />Contestant:Nora Aunor?<br />Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".<br />Contestant: Guy Aunor?<br />Host: Hindi.Dati siyang Senador.<br />Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?<br />Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.<br />Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-27867822756434110102009-05-08T11:40:00.000+08:002009-04-21T19:13:09.237+08:00Host: Describe your special someone in three words.<br />Girl: Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.<br />Host: Ok, sige…<br />Girl: In one word… MY LIFE!<br /><br />——————————————————————————–<br /><br />Host: If you were given any special power, what would it be?<br />Girl: Power of Attorney!<br /><br />——————————————————————————–<br /><br />Host: So you like reading, who's your favorite author?<br />Girl: Uhmm, Shakespeare.<br />Host: What works of Shakespeare?<br />Girl: Hindi ko po alam eh.<br />Host: But he's your favorite…?<br />Girl: Eh… kasi patay na sya eh.<br /><br />——————————————————————————–<br /><br />Host: What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?<br />Girl: Drugs.<br />Host: Why?<br />Girl: Mahal eh!<br /><br />#93Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-6175496403368841522009-05-07T11:38:00.000+08:002009-04-21T19:12:53.976+08:00Host: Who is your favorite fictional character?<br />Girl: JOSE RIZAL! (crowd starts laughing.)<br />Host: Who is your favorite hero then?<br />Girl: Hulk Hogan.<br /><br />——————————————————————————–<br /><br />Host: If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?<br />Girl Contestant: Uhmm… bumble bee!<br /><br />——————————————————————————–<br /><br />Host: What is your edge over the other contestants?<br />Girl Contestant: My edge is 23 years old.<br /><br />——————————————————————————–<br /><br />Host: What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?<br />Girl: Between 24 and 25!<br /><br />——————————————————————————–<br /><br />Host: How do you see yourself 10 years from now?<br />Girl: I'll be 28.Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4026063138106186757.post-89504131938301506322009-05-06T11:38:00.000+08:002009-04-21T19:12:38.313+08:00Host: What's your ideal age for marriage?<br />Girl: Uhmm… I am not sure…<br />Host: Hindi… Kunwari ikaw, more or less…?<br />Girl: Uhmm… more. (crowd booing…) Sige, Sige… Less, less….<br /><br /><br />——————————————————————————–<br /><br /><br />Host: If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?<br />Girl Contestant: Bocaue.<br />Host: Bocaue…? Why Bocaue?<br />Girl: Because it's a magnificent place.<br />Host: Which part of Bocaue?<br />Girl: The Bocaue Rice Terraces.<br />(Banawe kaya 'yon!)Rhycelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15504761784141220564noreply@blogger.com0