My family experienced the full spectrum of emotions last week. We started the week celebrating my brother’s wedding, and ended it grieving the death of my father-in-law, Jake Combs, from a sudden and unexpected illness.

Although Jake was 84, he had been in excellent health. He and my mother-in-law, Vera, had expected to travel to the Far East on Thursday, the day he died. His burial was yesterday. We miss him terribly.

If you asked Jake to describe himself, he would say that he was a Christian who loved God and dedicated his life to His service. Jake was an ordained minister, who spent 60 years working with the Navigators, an organization devoted to helping people develop their spiritual lives. Fluent in Chinese, Jake lived overseas for 25 years before moving to Kansas City, where he ministered to Chinese in the area. He never retired because of his passion for his work.

Jake was not only a gentleman, but a gentle man who was devoted to his family. Jake and Vera would have celebrated their 50th anniversary next month. In the twenty-five years I knew him, I never once heard him raise his voice to his wife or children. He always held Vera’s hand, opened every door, and called her “Love.” He delighted in his children and grandchildren, greeting us always with a big, bear hug and a smile.

There are few people more generous with their time and resources than Jake was. Grateful for all the blessings in his life, he wanted to be a blessing to others. He poured his life into building relationships with family, people in his community and all over the world. Jake’s generosity and selflessness enriched the lives of all those who knew him.

Jake leaves behind an amazing legacy of commitment, compassion and generosity. Whenever I thanked Jake for any act of kindness, he always responded by saying, “It’s my privilege.”

In reality, the privilege was all mine.

In Memory of Jake Combs, November 12, 1928 to May 9, 2013.

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Once you’ve signed your estate planning documents—your will, powers of attorney and other important paperwork—you’re more prepared than most Americans. However, you’re not out of the woods yet. You need to make sure they’re ready when you need them.

Keep them safe:

Put your estate planning documents in a safe place, keeping in mind that someone else will need to access them. If you store them in your home, be sure they’re protected from flood, fire and other hazards. You can also stash them in a safe deposit box for extra security.

Tell interested parties where they are:

Keeping your estate planning documents safe is great, but they won’t be of any use if nobody knows where to find them. Tell trusted family members, friends where your documents are stored so they can access them when necessary.

Review them Periodically:

It’s generally a good idea to review your estate planning documents periodically to make sure they reflect your current circumstances and that they still accomplish your goals. If your financial or familial circumstances change, your documents will probably need to be “freshened up” as well.

To learn more about storing essential estate planning documents, read: Where Should I store My Estate Planning Documents.

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2. The Five Basic Estate Planning Documents
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3. Is The Will I Signed In Another State Valid in Texas?
4. How Does Divorce Affect a Previously Signed
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5. Where Are Your Important Documents?

Any attorney can tell you it’s best to create your will while you’re healthy and in full command of all your resources. Unfortunately, though, some people just let time slip by. You need to know that putting off your estate planning can have disastrous consequences, and your loved ones could pay the price.

1. A judge may decide who raises your minor children.
   
   You can use your will to designate a guardian for your minor children. However, if you don’t have a will, a judge who doesn’t know you will make the decision in your place.
2. A judge may choose who controls your kids’ assets.
   
   If you haven’t named someone to manage your estate and control your children’s assets, you’ll put that decision into a judge’s hands. The judge will do his or her best to make an informed choice, but as a parent, you know best. Creating a plan ahead of time helps ensure everything goes according to your wishes.
3. Your estate may not be managed the way you’d like.
   
   Creating your will while you’re healthy allows you to set up trusts for your children and other loved ones. It also gives you control over which family members and friends receive your assets, including your home, your property and your money. If you die without proper estate planning documents, your property could be divided according to a statutory formula, which may not reflect your wishes.

For more information on how early estate planning can benefit you, read: What Would You Do If You Had 46 Days to Live?

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I recently received a note from a woman whose mother had recently passed away. Her mother’s Will directed that her estate be divided equally among her three children. However, she had an IRA that listed one child as the beneficiary and it did not include the other two. “Does the beneficiary designation triumph over the wishes in the Will,” she asked.

Assets like IRAs are non-probate assets. They pass by beneficiary designation and are not controlled by a Will. The only time a Will would control a non-probate asset is if no beneficiary is designated or the estate is named as the beneficiary. That’s why it’s so important to coordinate non-probate assets with the way your Will disposes of your property.

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At some point in our lives, most of us will know someone who is facing a life-threatening illness. We’ll want to help, but may not know just what to say or do to ease their pain.

Talking with a friend or family member who has a serious illness can be difficult. Saying the right thing can bring comfort, but saying the wrong thing can inadvertently cause despair.

That’s why I found a recent article in the Wall Street Journal so helpful. It specifically discussed how to relate to a sick friend or family member.  The essay was adapted from a new book by Letty Cottin Pogrebin titled “How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick.”

The article listed helpful tips for talking with a sick friend. For example, although it’s important to celebrate successes and milestones, don’t minimize the seriousness or your friend’s illness, give medical advice, or complain about trivial problems in your life.

Understand that despite your friend’s illness, he or she is the same person.  Your friend may want to talk about his or her diagnosis. Listen. But also start conversations about other topics that you’ve talked about in the past. Make your friend feel special and useful. And never act in a way that compromises your friend’s dignity.

You can read “For a Sick Friend: First, Do No Harm” by clicking on the link.

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