• Crysis
• Bioshock
• Mass Effect
• Overlord
• Assasins Creed
• Prince of Persia
• Farcry 2
• The Witcher
• Dark Messiah of Might and Magic
• Mount & Blade
• Mirror’s Edge
• GTA3
• Left 4 Dead
• Gothic 3
• Dragon Age: Origins
• Borderlands
• Torchlight

Again, there is no particular rhyme or reason to the order of the games here. Er… That would make it a non-queue, would it. It would be more like an un-ordered set of games. Hey Chris, this actually might be a real life example of an un-orderable set. Ie. I pick the games from this list on a whim, and I do not know ahead of time which one is going to be next. As it can be seen from the list above, the order of appearance does not impact the order in which it will be played. For example I played Cirisi, then Bioshock, then Farcry, then Assassin’s Creed and etc…

Oh, btw – I should probably comment on Assassin’s Creed here. I shelved the game. I didn’t un-install it from my system yet but I stopped playing it due to the fact it was repetitive and the save system was beyond fucked up. I’d play it more if it wasn’t for the checkpoint system. Each time I wanted to launch the game I had to ask myself: “Do I have enough time to actually do all the investigations and reach the office today?” Usually the answer was no.

You see, I’m a hit and run gamer – I like to launch the game, play for an hour or two and then go do something else. AC sort of insisted that I put in at least 2 hours each time I play and that just killed the game for me. Yeah, I know – it supposedly saves after each successful investigation, or each time you climb one of those big towers. I found that iffy – sometimes it saved, and other times it would boot me back to an earlier state.

I haven’t abandoned the game yet, but I had to put it away for a while. I will likely revisit it later.

In the meantime, I wanted to ask you for suggestions for games to be added to my que… I mean set. Note that I have a beast of a PC but no current gen consoles in the house. As you can probably see from the list above I’m mainly into RPG and FPS games but I’ll play anything that has an interesting story and/or is fun. I generally don’t digest strategy games that well – especially the RTS kind, though I do sometimes make exceptions for the SF based ones. Especially if they have a cool story.

Oops… That CD drive was sort of there for a reason. He realized that after it was too late to do anything. So now he basically wanted to know if it’s possible to install XP from a USB thumb drive. Can it be done? Apparently, yes it can. All you need to do, is google for it.

But at the time we were having this conversation I gave him a benefit of the doubt and assumed he already did search it online, and came up empty. And since I didn’t know the solution of the top of my head, I got a crazy idea.

“Why don’t you just keep Ubuntu?” I asked him.

I mean, it’s a Dell Mini with a 16GB solid state drive and a tiny ass screen – he is definitely not going to use that machine for gaming, photoshop or other Windows centric stuff like that. The machine will likely be used as a hardware extension of a web browser. The OS is mostly an overhead on a machine like that.

Now, I’m not a linux evangelist. I don’t go around telling people to switch to Linux. I honestly can’t do that anymore because I know that my experience with the OS is irrelevant. I am a computer geek a software developer and linux enthusiast. This makes so far removed from the general population, that I can hardly relate to your average Windows user.

Nevertheless I did my best to give him a quick pitch on how the OS will be mostly irrelevant on that machine. And it will run most of his favorite apps – like firefox for example.

“Will it run Chrome?” he demanded.

Of course it will run chrome. Then again last time I used Linux version of Chrome Flash didn’t work yet, but they fucking update it daily. I quickly launched my copy of the browser to check, and lo – it was running flash quite flawlessly now.

My friend was not fully convinced yet. He started asking me about opening Word documents so I pulled up Open Office and illustrated how it works. Then I quickly downloaded and burned him a copy of the Gnome based Jaunty to show him what the OS that ships with his Mini will look like (I’m running Kubuntu on my laptop, and it looks quite different).

I booted it on his laptop, and he was blown away when he realized you can actually run a fully functional OS from the CD like that.

“But how can it do that?”

Well, because it’s really not that impressive. I mean, it doesn’t really matter whether your OS binaries are on the HD or on some other media. You have to load them into memory before they get executed anyway – so where they are originally is irrelevant. There is really no reason why Windows couldn’t have a Live CD version. In fact, you can easily make one with BartPE.

He was also enamored with virtual desktops. “It’s like tabs for your desktop” he said. I never thought about them like that, but yes – that’s a valid analogy. That’s technically how these things work.

He was also amazed on how many “features” were included in the OS itself. I had to explain that most of the applications he saw there were really stand alone open source projects – but by virtue of being free software they could be included in the free OS.

To make this long story short, my friend decided to keep Ubuntu on that machine – at least for now. In fact, he said he might replace it with the Notebook Remix version he found online so he can be running Jaunty (the Dell ships with Intrepid if I’m not mistaken). I told him that if he tries Ubuntu can’t deal with it, I’ll be happy to help him with the XP installation hack. He nodded, but I’ve seen that gleam in his eye that told me it won’t be needed. I think our little community might have a brand new member.

Now, I’m fairly sure my friend will continue using Windows. I didn’t “convert” him and made him into an exclusive Linux user. But he will give Ubuntu a try, and hopefully will like it becoming an OS agnostic nut bag like me. And that’s more than I could ever ask for.

We really don’t need to convert people, or try to ween them off of Windows. All we need to do is to show them the alternatives and find places in which they work well – like mini notebooks for example. This will have far reaching effects. For one, they will no longer automatically assume that OS == Windows. They will see that there are different operating systems that can be used for different purposes. Secondly, they will be now able to call MS on their bullshit as they will see that things can be done differently in the open source world. Thirdly… Well, they will be using linux. The more of us are there, the better. I don’t care if he still uses Windows on the other machine – he still counts as one of us.

Not only that, but we also have this thing called simultaneous invention. I wrote about this phenomenon before so you can check out that post if you missed it. TLDR version is that scientists and technologists who never met or even heard about each other can often come up with very similar ideas around the same time. For example there seem to have been at least six different inventors of the thermometer and no less than nine claimants of the invention of the telescope. Yes, I’m not shitting you – go click on that link, and read Kevin Kelly’s post I’m referencing. This is just how science works. Or rather, this is how human mind works.

This idea of simultaneity applies to art, music and literature as well. Creative minds will often come up with similar stylistic approaches, styles and sensibilities independently.

So on one hand we can see that all artists are influenced by the things they have seen in the past, the works of their mentors and idols and the classical pieces they studied. Their minds are pre-loaded with existing templates upon which their draw. Every piece of creative work they produce somehow tainted by these experiences. On the other hand there is a tendency for independent artists to coverage onto similar ideas from different directions.

Everything we create as a species is by definition is redundant and derivative.

Creative process is less about originality, but about taking the existing building blocks and arranging them in interesting ways. Similarly, we judge art, music and literature not on how original it is but rather whether it conveys a poignant message, provokes a reaction or evokes an emotional response. No one really cares that the individual components are not original as long as the end product offers something more than merely the sum of it’s parts. Borrowing, referencing, adapting and outright emulation are all fair game. They have always been.

We currently live in a wonderful age of digital media where information can be copied, remixed and mashed up almost effortlessly by just about anyone. In the past, an artist who wanted to “borrow” from another work had to go through the process of re-creating that element. Today, he can simply copy and paste it. Now we have people who create original work that derivative – composed solely from bits and pieces “borrowed” elsewhere, edited and mashed up together. Let me show you an example – here is a video which was made by stitching together short clips from various movies and TV shows and arranging them to sync up with a background beat:

‘The Golden Age of Video’ by Ricardo Autobahn youtubed by spraynetdotcodotuk

You could argue whether or not something like this constitutes art. It is creative, entertaining and awesome though. I would also argue that it is good precisely because it steals and borrows content from elsewhere. It works, because each of the short clips used to create the video triggers a personal memory. It not only bombards us with nostalgia but also breathes a new life into these half forgotten, cherry picked moments of awesomeness. It is certainly more than merely the sum of it’s parts – and as such it is valuable, and worth seeing.

Sadly, under current copyright regime such remixes and mash-ups are un-poducts. Legally ambiguous at best, illegal at worst. It’s basically like this – these derivative works are relatively safe, because it would be too expensive for a copyright holder to sue it’s creator for using a 5 second clip somewhere in the video. Also, if they do sue they are not guaranteed to win. Depending on the context, the length of the clip used, and the intent the creator could sometimes successfully argue that his work is protected under the fair use clause. Maybe…

An obvious solution here would be to obtain the permission from the copyright holder. Have you ever tried to do it though? How do you get a permission to use a 5 second video or audio clip from a major motion picture or album? You don’t. You will be lucky if the copyright holders even acknowledge your existence by laughing in your face and showing you middle finger. They probably won’t even do that though – they will ignore you.

So while creating mashups is easy, legalizing them is not. What is worse, this type of creative expression is becoming more and more common as the music/video editing technology available to private consumers improves, and their internet bandwidth increases. On one hand we have masses who want to create and publish their own legally ambiguous mashups. On the other hand we have media industry lobbying the governments all over the world to tighten copyright law and crack down on the internet as a one big tool for piracy. These two movements are on a collision course and that worries me. How do we reconcile this?

I have said it before and I’ll say it again – our copyright law is obsolete and outdated. It is an archaic relic from an era that is long gone and will never return. It had an important role in the past, and parts of it still have use today. But right now it is more of a nuisance than anything else. Tomorrow it will become a hindrance instead – it will be our cultural ball and chain.

I tell you this – we are moving away from physical media. Our art, music, literature and cinema can now be accessed digitally. They are no longer tied to physical anchors that inhibit their distribution. Anything you digitize becomes a virtual commodity – an idea. It can be copied at the speed of thought. This will only become more ambiguous in the future when the line between man and the machine starts to fade, and when human consciousness will no longer become independent of the physical shell that contains it. Can virtual commodities consumed by virtual beings that exist in virtual worlds be controlled using laws that were written to control physical media? Can we police digital minds to make sure they are not using copyrighted thoughts?

“Dude, Firefox 2.0 is ancient! What about Chrome and IE8?”

Well, the point is that it was not ancient when I wrote that post. Back then it was cutting edge. But we came a long way since then and so I decided to post a short update to that post.

Of course there is really no point for me to update the entry for Lynx or Dillo because not much has changed for those apps. In fact, a lot of the browsers on that old list sort of faded into obscurity. For example IE overlays such as Maxthon became obsolete around the time IE7 introduced tabbed browsing. Others such as Netscape or AOL browser are hardly even around anymore. So in this post I will mainly concentrate on the leading browsers. You know, the ones that actually support modern standards and have large user bases. Oh, and Lynx.

	Firefox You are not sure why people complain about Internet Explorer so much. It is a perfectly serviceable tool for downloading Firefox on a new windows machine. You have tried different browsers but you feel they are all vastly inferior to FF. Flock does too much, Chrome does too little, Safari is to fancy and etc… Its not like these browsers have better features anyway. At least not for long. Any cool, worthwhile and innovative feature will be either added in the next Firefox release, or has already been replicated in the form of an extension. Every time you switch browsers you are amazed at how different the web looks. Your favorite websites are covered with banners, useful AJAX based features are gone… Then you realize that other browsers don’t actually have Adblock, Greasemonkey and Stylish extensions that you rely on. You also get annoyed when you try to test your websites in other browsers since they don’t have access to the full version of Firebug. Seeing how there is an extension for everything out there, you can’t imagine ever needing another browser.
	IE5 Kill yourself.
	Google Chrome You love Google Chrome because as everything made by the big G it is fast, sleek and stable. Now you can check your Gmail and Google Reader feeds and Google calendar in style as you edit your Google Docs in a separate tab, chat in Google Talk, get your directions from Google Maps and build applications for Google App Engine. You are not really concerned that Google probably knows more about your personal interests, hopes, dreams and desires than your own mother. After all, their motto is “don’t be evil” right? Also, the tear-off tabs were awesome killer feature until Firefox totally copied them. Still, your browser runs every tab as a separate instance so there is really no way for one website to crash the whole browser… Until one does, that is – but that happens rarely.
	IE6 There are two possibilities here: You are using a locked down company computer – in which case, WTF are you doing reading this? Go back to work you lazy bum! Also, your sysadmin is either lazy or stupid. Or both. You are to stupid to live and/or you enjoy ruining the internet for all of us. In addition your machine belongs to at least 17 botnets and you pick up new trojans daily. You often wonder why your internet is so slow but you are definitely not going to install some shady “Fox Fire” or “Intranet Explore 8″ whatever that is. It’s probably a virus or something. I hope you fall into a ditch, break your ass and die all alone as punishment.
	IE7 As a rule you don’t use Windows Update. You are probably running Vista in it’s original, pre-SP1 shape and form. Your computer it is infected by 5 billion viruses and trojans making it barely usable. You heard that there is a newer version of Internet Explorer out there but you don’t care. You don’t like change. Finally, you assume that your computer is so slow because someone told you that Vista sucks. I mean, yes – it does, but it doesn’t suck that much. Your computer is slow because you are running outdated browser on an un-patched OS. And I’m not going to help you with that because you are ruining internet for everybody.
	IE8 You are one of the few windows users who do know how to use Windows Update. Hell, you might have even went out of your way and downloaded IE8 yourself though I doubt it. No, seriously – most people clever enough to know what a browser is know better than to use IE. But you might just be a loyal Microsoft customer who simply likes the new browser for all of it’s “innovative” features. Someone told you that IE8 is actually pretty standards compliant, but of course you don’t know what that is. You would probably be pretty proud that your browser of choice passes the ACID2 test but you don’t know what that is. Also, I might actually consider helping you to remove all these nasty trojans from your machine since for once you are not actually ruining the internet for us.
	Opera You really don’t give a fuck that both IE8 and Firefox 3 can pass ACID 2 test nowadays. ACID 2 test is like so 3 years ago. Now it’s all about ACID 3 and non of these upstart browsers can render that one properly. Yeah, Google Chrome sort of took over the “fastest browser” niche these days but Opera still kicks ass. It’s fast, sleek and has lot’s of unique features. Besides, all of those other browsers have their keyboard shortcuts ass-backwards.
	Safari You are a mac user… Or you are one of those sad Windows people who suffer from a Mac envy. You know who I’m talking about – folks who buy a discount Dell and then use Window Blinds or other styling tool to make their Vista look just like OSX. Does anyone else use that browser? I don’t know. Not that it’s a bad browser. It was the first one to successfully pass ACID 3 test. Not only that, but it’s Webkit engine is used by myriad of other browsers – namely Konquerror and Google Chrome. And these other browsers tend to stick out like a sore thumb on a Mac.
	Flock You keep telling people that Flock is not just a fork of Firefox with some web 2.0 and social networking extensions grafted in, but they won’t listen. Screw them then. You know damn well that your browser is better – perfectly engineered to integrate itself with the myriad of social media and content generation platforms.
	Lynx, Links, etc… Graphics are overrated. Who needs them. You browse the web for content, not for flashy designs and lolcat pictures. You use Mutt for email, Midnight Commander to manage your files, vim as your text editor. If a website contains a captcha you download it using feh, and display it in the framebuffer. Hell, you don’t even have X installed on your primary machine – you are that awesome. Of course X is installed on your backup laptop which you use to go on youtube and to download pr0n but no one has to know that.
	Chromium You are essentially like the average Chromium user but lazy. In a good way. You are to lazy to actually deal with the Windows bullshit so you run Linux. To lazy to compile stuff or fuck with RPM’s so you run Debian. To lazy to download Chrome so you run Chromium that’s available via apt.
	Konquerror You firmly believe that carpet should match the drapes and that the browser should match the desktop environment. Also, for some reason you like browsers that double up as file managers – you know, like IE did back in the day. Then again Konquerror is webkit based so it has to be fairly decent. All that hard work done by Google and Apple trickles down to your browser slowly but surely.
	Epiphany You firmly believe that carpet should match the drapes and that the browser should match the desktop environment. Besides, Ephiphany is gecko based so it has to be fairly decent. All that hard work done by Mozilla foundation trickles down to your browser slowly but surely.
	Seamonkey You fondly remember the days when a web browser used to have a built in calendar, email client, HTML editor and some other useful tools. Those were the good days. You don’t care for the newfangled fast loading browsers the youngsters use these days. Also, you don’t like when kids are anywhere near your lawn.
	Kazehakase You don’t tell people about your browser of choice in person. You have learned a long time ago that they will ask you to spell the name, and that’s just not possible. You just send them a link. In casual conversations you refer to your browser as “that browser” or kazehe-something-or-other. But hey! It’s Gecko based, lean, mean, infrequently updated and seemingly abandoned. Um… That last part is not so good, but it’s still a decent browser.

Yes, yes. I know I ignored your favorite browser. Chances are it is irrelevant, and/or it hasn’t really changed much since the last post. And if I totally miss-characterized a group of users and made you mad, please remember that posting “fag” in the comments does not count as constructive criticism. Other than that, feel free add suggestions and/or your own descriptions for users of other browsers.

So yeah. Have fun. Also, in this thread we post funny Halloween stories. Since I don’t have any funny ones mine is just a story of sorts:

I have never been Trick or Treating in my life. The whole idea of Halloween has always been a foreign to me seeing how it is an old Galeic festival. I grew up in Poland which is a Slavic country. You see, ancient Gaels and Brits had their Samhain which was a sort of a multipurpose festival that commemorated the end of summer. It also happened to be the day when the veil that separates this world and the next grew thin, and allowed spirits both malicious and benevolent to pass through – so the feast was also held to honor the dead and appease the otherworldly beings while they roamed the earth. Wearing of masks was a form of deception – dressing up as an evil spirit was supposed to confuse the malicious entities and have them assume you were one of their own. This tradition sort of memetically mutated into what we now know as Halloween.

Ancient Poles on the other hand had a slightly different idea of dealing with the same entities. They have celebrated Dziady (or Forefathers Eve) which was a ritual libation and/or feast held in the honor of the lost souls wandering the earth. It was held several times a year, and wasn’t really an all out party as Samhain. No, it was supposed to be scary, mysterious and cathartic. The pagans would actually seek to summon the pissed off, violent wraiths who for some reason could not cross over to the other world and tried to appease them with offerings, listen to their stories and try not to shit their pants. It was serious business.

Of course when Catholic Church moved in, it did not approve of this whole spirit summoning business. Stamping out such traditions was difficult because the freshly baptized pagans didn’t really take the whole monotheism idea all that seriously. So Polish Catholics did the only thing they could do: they canonized Dziady and turned them into All Soul’s Day which falls on November 2^nd. It was basically the same thing but you replaced pagan invocations with prayers. Also in a brilliant move they slowly de-emphasized the mystery behind the holiday and made it rather uninteresting.

Fast forward to the twentieth century and All Souls Day evolved into a rather somber and quite bland holiday during which Poles go to church and then visit graves of their close relatives, tidy up a bit, light a candle in their memory, offer a token prayer and then go home.

Dziady are mostly remembered because Adam Mickiewicz one of Polands greatest poets of the Romanticism period used it in his encyclopedia sized epic poem that is so densely packed with historical, religious and literary allusions, symbolism, and complex metaphors that you actually need cliff notes to decipher it’s cliff notes version.

Halloween was never part of my cultural heritage. It was never really celebrated in Poland when I was a kid. I of course knew about it, because like just about every other child on this planet I grew up watching Disney movies, Loony Tunes and Hollywood super productions. I just never got to participate in it – it just wasn’t something you did back then. And this kids, is why I never got cheap candy from strangers or egged anyone’s house in my life.

But yeah – we will have some candy for the neighborhood ghosts and goblins tomorrow and will be giving it out. Thankfully my street doesn’t have that many kids (usually it’s only 3-4 families/groups each year) so we will probably close up shop early.

Not only that, but I am clearly not an early adopter. I am a late adopter if there is such a thing. I’m the guy who was still running Wordpress 2.0.5 in April 2009. Remember that? Yes, that’s how bad I am.

In fact, I would still be running Windows XP on my main gaming box if the hardware did not become so obsolete that it spontaneously fossilized under my desk. My current gaming box has Vista on it, but only because I came with the hardware and I was to lazy to do anything about it.

You want to ask me about upgrading anything? You’ve got a wrong guy.

Unfortunately most people don’t get this. In fact, most people who ask me about Windows 7 can’t possibly comprehend that spiel above because they simply don’t understand terms such as early adopter, wordpress or fossilization. I figured I might as well use this entry to answer the most frequently asked questions I get in my inbox and IRL.

Maybe this will answer some of your burning Windows 7 questions. Or maybe you can emails this to some of your clueless friends/relatives who keep bothering you with these questions every day.

When is Windows 7 coming out?

Do I look like I care? Do you know how to google? Let me google that for you. How hard was that? For your information, it came out last week. You missed it! You know why you missed it? Because it is not something note worthy. Now piss off.

Is Windows 7 Better than Vista?

Probably. I mean, Windows XP is better than Vista. Hell, Windows 2000 is better than Vista. Sitting on an angry porcupine while being hit in the face with a putrid piece of shit spiked with sharpened nails that was shot out of a cannon and is flying at Mach 3 is better than Vista. I can’t imagine Microsoft actually being able to top Vista when it comes to how badly it sucks. Then again, I have been wrong about them in the past. In fact, every time I gave them the benefit of the doubt and assumed that they will do something right, they went ahead and did the exact opposite.

Here is the deal – the crazy people who actually got this OS this early seem to think it is an improvement over Vista. Then again these people are likely Microsoft fanboys (why else would they get the new OS so close to the release date) so their opinions should be taken with a grain barrel of salt.

Should I upgrade?

No you should not. Wait till Microsoft releases Service Pack 1, then buy a new computer. Windows 7 will be included. If you don’t like this answer go ask someone else. I don’t care how good this new OS is. It can be printing hundred dollar bills for all I care. My position still stands. Don’t. There will be bugs, there will be driver issues, and there will be upgrade hiccups to worry about. The fact you are asking me about this tells me you are not a computer whiz, so if something goes wrong, you will be fucked cause I sure as hell am not helping you out.

Not reason enough for you? How about this – it’s a waste of money. You see, Microsoft is an evil bastard company that forces computer manufacturers to install their OS on every single piece of hardware they sell. This means that a year or two from now, when you are buying a new computer you will have to buy Windows 7 again.

No, I’m not shitting you. Remember that time I was ranting about the “Windows Tax” and you thought I’m just being a retarded open source loon? Yeah, that’s what Windows tax is. It means that Dell (for example) won’t give a flying fuck that you already have a copy of Windows 7 at home. Windows is part of their bundle, and they won’t take it out. Unless of course you can find the tiny hidden link to their Linux based model – but that narrows down your choices quite a bit.

Also, if you buy an OEM version bundled with the computer you will be paying much, much less. Microsoft basically discounts their OS down to fraction of the retail price to make sure that it ends up on every single piece of fucking hardware sold in the world. Don’t waste your money.

But I hate Vista! Should I Upgrade?

No. You should suck it up, and listen to me next time you are buying a computer. What did I tell you about Vista last time around? It’s a piece of shit. What did you do? You went and bought it. This is your punishment for not listening to me.

Actually, I don’t care. Go ahead and upgrade. Just make sure you back up all your data befo… Oh, what? You don’t want to upgrade anymore? You are scared now? All I said was to backup your data. If you want to upgrade your OS, you should be prepared to have your system hosed. I’m not saying it will get hosed – I’m saying shit happens.

And don’t come running to me when you fuck shit up. You know what I’m going to do if you come to me crying that Window 7 ate your hard drive? I’m going to hire Verne Troyer to Shoryuken you straight in the dick. And no, I’m not joking.

Will Windows 7 run on my computer?

It won’t even if it will. Let me put it this way – if you are asking me about this, it means you are to dumb to look up your system specs, google up Windows 7 requirements and do a quick comparison. If you can’t perform a simple task like that, you should not even be considering an upgrade. You should go and buy a computer with Windows 7 already installed whenever it’s time for you to get a new machine.

If you can check this information, then why the fuck are you bothering me with this shit?

Ok, here is the real answer: if you are running Windows XP right now, then no, it won’t run. If you are running Vista and it is sluggish as hell, then Windows 7 will also be sluggish as hell. The new OS is allegedly faster but it still has Vista guts under the hood so it won’t make your machine into a speed daemon.

If your current box is an evil beast from hell that can actually run Vista reasonably fast hen yes, Windows 7 will run on your system and you will probably see some performance gains (assuming the reports about the speed are true). Still, you will be wasting a lot of money due to the Windows tax.

Will you install Windows 7 on my computer?

Absolutely, categorically no. Hell no, fuck no, no to the tenth power. No infinity. Fuck you! Fuck your dog! Fuck the horse you rode in on. No. I have better shit to do than this.

Unless… Unless you are a girl and when you use the voice when asking me. I will then invariably assume that you are somehow inexplicably into me, and that upgrading your OS is my ticket into your good graces. Now you know my weakness so don’t abuse it.

Keep this in mind though: if you give your computer to your girlfriend, and attempt to have her sex me into installing Windows 7 for you and I figure you out then its Verne Troyer + Shoryuken + your testicles – when you least expect it.

That’s all I have for today. If you want to add to this FAQ please post your questions and answers in the comments. If you are a Microsoft fanboy who found this whole post incredibly offensive, and who is planning to call me a fag in the comments, please note hat a) I moderate this shit, b) you should look into obtaining a sense of humor and c) your post will have your IP attached to it. You know what that means right? I can use that IP to find out where you live. And then… Verne Troyer, Shoryuken, etc.. So keep it civil.

For now I just wanted to get a handle on using the basic GUI components, and capturing events such as pressing a button. I don’t particularly care how the app will look. I also don’t care about fancy stuff such as detecting the orientation flip in Storm.

What kind of application would fit all these criteria? Simple? Straightforward? No frills? And yet somehow useful. I pondered this for a little while and came up with this: a dice rolling application. You know, something that emulates rolling one or more dice of a certain type. It’s basically a random number generator attached to a GUI front end. And it’s useful too. Well, for me at least. The ability to generate random numbers in your phone comes in handy when you are into pen & paper RPG games like me.

So I drew up a simple design in my mind. The app would essentially have two input fields. One field would accept the number of dice to be rolled, while the other field would accept the type of dice. For those of you who don’t know this: yes, there are many types of dice. The die you usually see in casinos is what we call a d6 – a six sided dice. We role players also use d4, d8, d10, d12 and d20. When needed we also simulate a d100 by rolling two d10’s (you pick one dice to signify the tens and the other the ones).

The user will type in the values into the two fields, press a button and get the results. Simple and easy to develop. The end result should look like this:

Blackberry Dice Roller App

How do we do this? Let me show it to you. I apologize for the wall of text code segment but the app is just a single class and a fairly short one at that. It really doesn’t make much sense to break this code up. Note that this project uses a driver class just like the one I shown you in the Halo World example. I omitted it here because it is all uninteresting boilerplate code. To actually run this code however, you will need to create one yourself.

import java.util.Random;
import net.rim.device.api.ui.Field;
import net.rim.device.api.ui.FieldChangeListener;
import net.rim.device.api.ui.component.*;
import net.rim.device.api.ui.container.*;
import net.rim.device.api.ui.text.NumericTextFilter;
 
 
public class DiceScreen extends MainScreen 
{
   private EditField howmany, dice;
 
   public DiceScreen()
   {
 
      super();
      LabelField applicationTitle = 
        new LabelField("Luke's Dice Roller");
 
      setTitle(applicationTitle);
 
      howmany = 
        new EditField("How Many? ", "2", 10, Field.EDITABLE);
 
      howmany.setFilter(new NumericTextFilter());
      add(howmany);
 
      dice = new 
        EditField("What kind of dice? ", "6", 10, 
        Field.EDITABLE);
 
      dice.setFilter(new NumericTextFilter());
      add(dice);
 
      ButtonField roll = new ButtonField("Roll");
      add(roll);
 
      FieldChangeListener listener = new FieldChangeListener() 
      {
         public void fieldChanged(Field field, int context) 
         {
            int h = Integer.parseInt(howmany.getText());
            int d = Integer.parseInt(dice.getText());
 
            String result = randomize(h, d);
            Dialog.alert("Results: " + result);  
         }
      };
 
      roll.setChangeListener(listener);
   }
 
   private String randomize(int howmany, int dice)
   {
      String out = "";
      Random generator = new Random();
 
      for(int i=0; i<howmany; i++)
      {
         int temp = generator.nextInt(dice) +1;
         out += temp + ", ";
      }
 
      return out;
   }
 
}

Very straightforward stuff. The EditField component is basically a combination of a label and input box. Instead of using two components you just do one, and it accepts a string argument that will display some text to the left of the input box. It also accepts the initial value, maximum length and style indicator (in that order).

Each EditField (or rather each Field) defines a setFilter method that lets you pass in a filter object that will prohibit imputing certain values. I’m passing in a NumericTextFilter object which is why the Blackberry Storm displays the numeric keyboard when that field is active.

Finally, I create a listener for my button by defining FieldChangeListener instance as an inner class. I then attach it to my button just like I would do it a Swing application.

I don’t think I need to explain the random number generation procedure, since that’s something you should already know how to do. If you don’t, I recommend cracking open any Java book, or online tutorial. Random number stuff will probably be like on page 3 or something.

To keep things simple, I made the results appear in a modal dialog:

Blackberry Dice Roller in Action!

It works! Happy dance!

Of course this app has some serious problems. For one, it is ugly as hell. At least compared to most native Storm applications. It is also infuriatingly hard to navigate using the touch screen. You can’t really see this in the emulator, but once you load this ting onto your phone, changing fields becomes frustrating. Because they are so close, a downward finger swipe will almost always skip the second field and highlight the button. And upward swipe on he other hand will highlight the first field. Getting to the second field is then a matter of careful finger placement.

This is an usability issue that needs to be resolved before this little simplistic app can be considered worth while. So this is what I want to talk about in the next post in this series. Adding bells and whistles. I want to make this app look pretty, and somehow space the fields out so that they can be easily navigated.

I’d also like to do something fancy – for example remove the button and attach the dice rolling action to the orientation switch event. This way you could actually roll the dice with a flick of your wrist. How awesome would that be? Of course it would require some testing to see how sensitive the device really is, and whether or not the roll would be accidentally t triggered during normal use.

Common solution to this used by a lot of science fiction writers is the use of wormholes. Simply create a stable Einstein-Rosen Bridge, leave one mouth on earth, fly the other one to Mars and then string a fiber optic cable through it. Boom! Instant interstellar internet connection with as much bandwidth as you can manage to fit through. That’s of course assuming we can figure out how to create stable wormholes and keep them open indefinitely.

The other idea for FTL communication is the Ansible introduced by Ursula K. Le Guin and since then used by various other writers (most notably Orson Scott Card in his Ender cycle). It is usually assumed that device works on the principle of Quantum Entanglement but even that vary depending on who your read. Le Guin herself for example explain it away by using “simultaneity” – a yet undiscovered force like (but different from) gravity which keeps the Ansibles in sync and allows for instantaneous interstellar communication.

One problem with the Ansibles in Le Guin’s books was that they had rather lower bandwidth. So instead of a microphone/camera they were usually equipped with a built in keyboard. You would type on one end, and the message would show up on the other. Problem was that someone had to monitor the Ansible 24-7 and respond to messages.

It’s a silly set up, I know. If an Ansible can send character data it can send any data. Instead of keyboard fit one with an Ethernet port and you are in business. Why no one thought to do that? Because the concept was introduced back in 1966 when the internet did not exist yet. Things like packet switched networks were just being developed at that time and since Ursula K. Le Guin was not a computer scientist, and didn’t follow the bleeding edge advancements in our field, she couldn’t know what was coming.

Now we know, however and knowing is half the battle. So an original Ansible from her novels could easily be turned from a glorified telegram machine into a full blown network node. In fact, here is how it could work:

Ansible Based Internet

Le Guin required that one Ansible had to be anchored to a large gravity mass (ie. a planet). That’s our Anchored Ansible in the picture. Every planed will have one of these. You plug it into a router and then the internet. Part 1 of the plan done. Now you build bunch of Ansibles and set each of them to sync with Anchored ansibles from nearby planets. Le Guin’s devices are not mated pairs so there is no need to actually ferry the devices across the interstellar space. So you have one inbound gateway and several outbound ones, each leading to a different world. Now it is just a matter of configuring your router properly.

Each planet will have it’s own planetary internet setup, and one or more routers that will direct all off-world traffic to appropriate devices. This will create an illusion of a seamless internet – only some pages will be slower than the other.

Do you need to have one ansible per every planet? No, of course not. Is every router on earth connected to every other router? No. Just connect with your best buddies – the planets you trade with, or travel to. If everyone does this, we end up with a nice rout-able network. Not all planets are connected directly, but packets will find their way to the destination eventually. That’s how internet works. If you need a faster connection, just add an ansible. If your being hammered with traffic, add another anchored device and tell your buddies to redirect some of it to the second one.

Low bandwidth is a problem but not an overwhelming one. I mean, we have been there before. After all, people used to access the internet using 300 baud modems like this one:

Yes, at 300 baud, Wikipedia actually takes like a minute to load. But that’s ok though. That’s workable. The mere fact that you will be accessing a page hosted thousands/millions of light years away will make the slowness of the connection irrelevant.

So you won’t be able to access Youtube via an ansible. Big deal. Basic HTML will work just fine though (albeit slowly) and that’s like 90% of what people do on the web these days anyway. Once we have this sort of setup going, people will probably start creating ansible accessible websites (ie. no graphics with large documents split across many files) which will make browsing somewhat more tolerable.

This, children is how we use Ursula K. Le Guin’s Ansible to route packets between different worlds. I should totally like patent this idea, but science says that Ansibles are probably impossible to build due to the No Cloning theorem in quantum physics.

“Luke, you totally need to check out Flash Forward! It’s like Lost!”

Six fucking billion of them! And don’t tell me it’s not possible cause it happened. No matter where I went, someone would pounce from behind a corner and tell me about the show. Work, school, home, bathroom. Even the guy who lives in my fridge was like:

“Dude, close the door – you are letting all the cold out! Oh, and btw – did you watch Flash Forward yet?”

Or, for example, I’m doing laundry the other day and I see Underpants Gnomes crawl out from under the washing machine. But it’s cool cause we worked out a deal so I’m not even worried. We have a mutually beneficial business venture going – I refrain from stepping on them, while they don’t steal my underwear. Works out for everyone. So I let them rifle through the hamper with my brothers dirty clothes and one of the Gnomes says:

“Hey, did you watch Flash Forward yet? I think you would like it!”

Even fucking gnomes asked me! So I figured out that there is no way I can actually get out of watching this thing. Not without escaping civilization to live on some deserted island.

Ok, I’ll watch it then. It’s like Lost right? Ok…. Wait a second. We need to narrow this down. Like lost can mean more than one thing. For example, if you mean Season 1 you are probably trying to say it is a good character driven drama with strong writing and a pinch of mystery.

If you means Season 2 you probably want to say it is a mystery driven show with fairly strong characters and twisted, intriguing plot line.

If you mean Season 3 you are probably trying to say it is a show that sort of gave up on any and all character development and concentrates on maintaining a very disjointed multi-threaded plot line, and delivering fan service in form of new mysteries and Easter eggs with an occasional retcon.

If you mean Seasons 4-5 you are probably trying to say it is a retcon driven show that totally lost it’s original direction an almost entirely flattened out it’s once interesting, well written characters making them mere pawns in a confusing, meandering and disjoint plot. A show where character motivations and personal agendas are purposefully kept a secret to heighten the mystery factor and so the character development and characterization is is kept down to a minimum as not to give anything away.

“Wow, tell us how you really feel about Lost, Luke!”

Yep, I’m a bit disappointed with the direction that show took after Season 2. I still watch it but mostly to see how the hell do they plan to resolve this clusterfuck of a plot.

“Hey Luke, you know that you just hijacked your own blog post to rant about Lost being sucky, right?”

I am perfectly aware of this my friend. My rant has a purpose. After all Flash Forward is supposed to be like Lost in some unknown aspect. What is that aspect? I don’t know. If I had to guess, I would say the logo:

Wow, look at this original, unique edgy title screen. It does not looke like Lost or Heroes title screen at all!

Actually I take that back. They totally ripped off their title screen from Heroes. Put an eclipse there and change the font a bit and you can sue for plagiarism. Or trademark infringement. Or something like that.

The show does have one thing going for it though – the premise is actually somewhat intriguing.

Picture me this: all people in the world simultaneously lose consciousness for exactly two minutes at exactly the same time. Six fucking billion of them! Cars crash, planes fall out of the sky, things explode and etc. Pretty wild, eh? But that’s not all – most people experience vivid visions of the future during the time they were unconscious. They all catch a glimpse of what they will be doing exactly 6 months from now.

Wow. Hell of an idea. I could totally get into something like tha…. Aw, fuck. FBI agents and doctors. Why does this have to be a cop & doctor show? Aren’t there any other interesting professions in the world? I’m just so sick of watching shows about law enforcement agents and medical professionals. You know what this is? It’s a crutch!

Mysterious world wide event has happened. Fortunately the main protagonist works at FBI and so we can have him start investigating this thing ASAP. Oh, and he is a family guy with a strong career woman wife who is a kick-ass surgeon, a cute little daughter and a slutty babysitter. Oh, and his partner is Harold whose main claim to fame was getting to White Castle with his buddy Kumar.

Harold Goes to White Castle without Kumar for the first time!

I shit you not people! I shit you not.

Speaking of family people, guess who else is in this show? Seth MacFuckingFarlane – the voice of… Well, pretty much everybody on Family Guy and American Dad. And he has this stupid grin on his face in every single scene (well both of them). Maybe they hired him so that he can delivery witty setups for the flash forward sequences.

Flash Forward is actually one of Seth's zany flashbacks

I’m sorry, but wasn’t this supposed to be a mysteriously dramatic, mysterious mystery drama with a lot of mysterious mystery? Seeping in mystery. Soaking in secrets. Sizzling in suspense! Rippling with shocking revelations! Like Lost but without an island, and a smoke monster machine, time travel and higlanders dudes.

But how do you make a riveting drama when Seth’s voice sounds 80% like peter griffin, and John Cho looks like he is about to pull out a bong and call his friend Kumar over to share it. It just doesn’t work. You don’t out comedians that specialize in toilet humor and fart jokes on a serious show. I mean, down the road you can probably include one or two as a guest star, but you don’t put guys like that in the pilot. That’s like putting Seinfield in the permanent cast of Lost and trying to play it straight:

What is the deal with the smoke monster? Is it smoke or is it a monster? I want to know!

It just doesn’t work.

I tried to like it. I gave it a chance. But I just don’t buy it. It failed to grasp my attention the way the first season of Lost, or Heroes did. It just doesn’t have that… Thing! Some shows have, some shows don’t. I really don’t know how to explain it but I’ll try.

First off, I don’t care about any of the characters they have introduced so far. They are all dull, boring and generic. I mean, you really can’t get more generic than this:

1. An law enforcement agent with skeletons in his closet (here an ex alcoholic FBI agent)
2. His wisecracking partner
3. His loving wife who supports him but will leave him if he slips/fucks up again (here, she will leave him if he starts drinking again)
4. His mentor (here awise AA sponsor)
5. His tough but fair boss
6. His cute little daughter and her babysitter

Jesus fucking Christ! That’s pretty much the list of characters from every show ever made. If I was trying to write the dullest show on the planet, this is exactly the type of cast I would use. What’s worse the show had absolutely no character conflict. At least none that I could detect. Good shows give you that sort of thing right from the get go. The whole first season of Lost was basically the survivors trying not to kill or drive each other crazy. The crew of Moya on Farscape could barely even tolerate each other at first. The crew of Firefly had to figure out whether to cash in, or take huge risk by harboring River and Simon. On Heroes each protagonist started off neck deep in shit, and had to crawl out first.

Flash forward however there is none of that. The two partners are best pals. The main character has a loving family and no problems other than the weird phenomena that just happened. No one is butting heads. Everyone loves each other, everyone is friends. The only source of drama is this nebulous phenomenon. What the fuck is this?

Not to mention that the show already spoiled most major developments for us. We know that John Chos’ character is going to die. We know that the loving doctor-wife will leave her husband because the flash-forward case causes him to hit the bottle again…. What is this. Why do they do that?

The show had two potential sources of character drama (emphasis on potential) – the main characters marital problems and his friendship with his FBI partner. But since we saw the flash-forwards of these people, we now know what will happen to them. Drama and suspense just got ruined. Good job!

Speaking of boring characters, I have a question to those of you who watched the show. Who the fuck are we supposed to ship for in this thing? Am I dense and just don’t see it, or does the show have no shippable pairings. I’m not really a shipper type, but last time I checked a good amount of unresolved sexual tension between two or more main characters is what makes or breaks a TV series. Most shows go for one official will-they-won’t-they couple. More ambitious writers add a background ship as well. Of course if you really want to drive your fan base bonkers you want to have two intersecting love triangles with a shared vertex, and at least one platonic best buddy type relationship could be creatively misinterpreted by slash fanfic writers. Seriously, I didn’t make this up – that’s how you make TV. It’s science. If you want big fan base, you need provide shipable configurations. The first episode of Flash Forward has none, which does not bode well for it.

“But the show has an awesome premise, no? That alone can carry it for a while!”

Yes, for one season. Maybe two. The show has a deadline after all, does it not? In 6 months of time something happens. There is a reason why everyone in the world had these visions of the future, and that reason will need to be explained. Furthermore we will see the visions introduced on the show play out in real time and we will find out what led to them, and what are their implications. That should be the climax of the show, and a resolution come swiftly afterward.

If the fateful date comes and goes, and nothing is resolved while the protagonists are still trying to piece the puzzle together and are no closer to the resolution you might as well call this show Lost and be done. If the mystery of the flash forward is resolved, but the show keeps on going then you can call this show Heroes and be done with it as well. And if you keep stalling and stretching the 6 months into an infinity season after season then people will realize you are stalling and lose interest.

The show has a finite lifetime, which is actually not a bad thing. I’m a firm believer that TV series should end when their story runs its course, not after they jump the shark for the sixth time and ratings fall to abysmal levels. Sadly networks think otherwise and I predict that if this show is successful it will go on forever. However, if the ratings are not mind blowing… Well, then they will can it we will never find out what the hell was the flash forward vision all about. Without any UST or official ship to tease the fan base with the latter seems more likely than the former.

“You are making this up, aren’t you? There is no such thing.”

Of course I’m making this up. It’s not a medical condition – it is a trope of sorts. I’d check TV tropes to see if it has been documented already but that’s dangerous. Every visit to the TV Tropes website ends up with me sitting there for hours clicking through tropes and accomplishing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day. So no, I will not check it. SSS is just something that I noticed recently and I wanted to share this observation with you guys.

Here is a question: what is the common thread running through all Hollywood productions based on Marvel and/or DC licenses? Think about it for a second. Give up? Ok, I’ll tell you. One thing they have in common is the fact that they never, ever under any circumstances acknowledge the existence other heroes from a given universe. Every single movie is set up to give the viewer an impression that the titular hero is the only costumed vigilante in existence. And yes, this applies also to the X-Men movies so shut up! Does any of the X-Men films ever acknowledge existence of non-mutant super powered individuals? No, they don’t. When they need need to introduce an iconic villain like the Juggernaut they just pull the mutant card on him and call it a day.

This is in stark opposition to how both Marvel and DC comic book lines work. Their heroes do not exist in a void. They don’t all have their separate insular worlds where they are the only guy or gal with cool powers. No, most super heroes live in a world where costumed crime fighting is a fact of life. For example, NYC happens to be a home to the Fantastic Four, The Avengers, Spider Man, Dare Devil and a dozen of other less prominent heroes. Every once in a while these folks will run into each other. Often people will compare them to each other or argue who would win in a fight. For example, Peter Parker may find himself talking to a group of Iron Man fan boys. Stuff like that happens.

Peter Parker, Tony Stark and the Fantastic Four badly photoshopped together.

Even some of the DC heroes who are natural loaners – like Batman for example, often do encounter other heroes when they go out of town, or when the said heroes visit their city. Even in DC reality where heroes often get their own cities to protect, costumed crime fighting is usually considered a team sport. Only incredibly powerful, reckless or generally confused/broken/crazy individuals dare to do it alone. And even they often enlist sidekicks and often seek help from their more powerful peers. Cameos and cross-over episodes are something common and expected.

Healthy, superhero settings are full of costumed men and women with varied ranges of power and effectiveness and/or reputation and equal number of insane costumed villains. There is almost always some sort of pecking order that tells everyone who they should be fighting. Popular costumed groups take on big threatening bad guys, while less known and/or powerful groups tackle lesser threats or do mop up operations policing dangerous neighborhoods. For example, when Galactus shows up threatening to eat the Earth it’s probably a job for the Fantastic Four and/or the Avengers. But the likes of Tony Stark or Red Richards are probably not even going to leave home when a some dork with mechanical tentacles (Doctor Octopus) starts terrorizing downtown. That’s something Spiderman can take care of. Similarly they don’t really care about the organized crime ruining shit for everyone in Hell’s Kitchen. Rounding up non-powered mobsters would be a waste of their time, and that’s where someone like Dare Devil can step in.

This type of setup just makes sense. Basically, the heroes all exist in an alternate reality where costumed crime fighting is just something people choose to do and superhuman powers, while still uncommon are definitely not rare or unheard of. Costumed heroes and villains are a social phenomenon, and a media darlings. Things don’t work this way in our universe. Think about it – if all of a sudden a super powered hero appeared at a crime scene and started tossing cars at the bad guys we would not be cheered. He would probably be declared a national threat and ganked by SWAT and/or military. He would then probably be restrained and subjected to medical experiments to determine the source of his powers until a human rights activists would intervene on his behalf. Or if the guy had no powers but just a cool gear, he would be promptly institutionalized.

What’s worse, such a hero would stick out like a sore thumb. There would be no costumed villains for him to fight – and if some showed up, they would likely be considered either his accomplices or copycats he inspired. Costumed vigilantism simply wouldn’t work in our reality. That’s why both Marvel and DC have their own alternate universes that are populated by hundreds of spandex wearing heroes.
It is what makes their settings self consistent. This translates both to video games and tabletop RPG’s that embrace this genre and continue the theme envisioning worlds populated by heroes and hero groups.

Hollywood on the other hand insists on having their movies take place here and now – in our universe, where vigilante justice is frowned upon. Doubtlessly they do it to make them more believable. They are probably trying to help us suspend our disbelief better. After all, a single superhero is more believable than thousands, no? But it doesn’t work that way. If Spiderman lived here and now, he wouldn’t wear the red and blue spandex costume. He would probably wear a black trench coat and shades. This is why movie makers usually feel a need to “upgrade” the costumes to make them look at least a bit more plausible and practical than the originals. Because no one in their right mind would wear silly things like that unless… Unless there was a long tradition of costumed crime fighting and silly colorful costumes would be part of the legacy of powerful and revered heroes. I mean, today we laugh at certain musicians who dress up in silly getups and put on crazy shows – but we still buy tickets for said performances. It would be the same in a universe that embraced costumed vigilantism.

Here is a question – why can’t we just have Marvel or DC licensed movie that comes right out and says “Look, this is an alternate reality where costumed crime fighting is a reality. There are people with superpowers all around, and they like to dress up in costumes and fight on the streets. Deal with it!” Why is Hollywood so afraid to make proper superhero movies?

Yes, I’m aware that some of the new Marvel based flicks (Iron Man, Hulk) have been injecting the special cross-over bonus scenes after the credits that are supposed to tie these films to the upcoming Avengers production. This is a step in the right direction. Maybe it’s their way of trying to back-pedal themselves into some sort of coherent continuity with the Marvel universe proper. We will see how the Avengers project thing pans out, but I can tell you my prediction: Avengers will not acknowledge things like the existence of mutants, will not reference Spiderman or Fantastic Four at all, and will go out of it’s way to pretend that members of the Avengers are the only costumed heroes in existence.

This is just something I don’t get. Everyone knows the rules of the super hero genre! Everyone knows how heroes and villains work. Most of comedies and parodies set in this genre do get it right. Venture Bross cartoon even gave us wonderful new vernacular to use for super-villain activities: arching someone – now means being someones arch-nemesis. Serious productions on the other get hung up on the realism and suspension of disbelief crap. Why can’t we just embrace the specifics of the genre just like we embraced the Zombie flicks?

Think about it – everyone knows how Zombies work. Half the time you don’t even need to explain where they came from? Everyone assumes it’s “probably some virus or something”. You can totally make a movie where zombies just show up, and start tearing shit up without a shred of explanation or origin story and people will still enjoy it. Why can’t we do that for super hero flicks? Let’s just tell the viewers that some people have super powers, and costumed crime fighting is a popular past time up front. Then build our story, characterization and plot on top of that. If you do that, you don’t need complex origin stories for every powered individual. You don’t need lengthy introductions. It works. How do I know it works?

Fucking Watchmen! That’s the whole point of that movie really. Watchmen introduces us to an alternate world where costumed crime fighting is a reality – with all the implications and problem this entails. Why can’t we have someone write a script that draws a similar premise for Marvel/DC universe?

Do the big comic book houses are that stringent with their licenses? Do they make you pay every time you name-drop one of their other properties in a licensed production? Or is the problem that major Marvel and DC licenses are now spread thin across many rival movie studios attached to exclusive deals that won’t expire for the next few centuries? I could see how making Spiderman meet Capitan America could be a problem if Marvel gave exclusive licenses for these two characters to different studios. Still, Marvel and DC universes are big. There are dozens of minor heroes and heroines that could be realistically name dropped in order to make the setting work. Someone just hast to be the first to stop the SSS bullshit and write a good movie in proper super hero setting.