TEMPORARY RAGE

Power Vent Water Heater, Feel My Rage!

2009-12-08T07:02:00.003-06:00

In 2006, our water heater started hemorrhaging water and we had to replace it. We had moved into the house just a few months before, and we knew the water heater was ancient, but it wasn't exactly the first Thanksgiving in the new casa that we were hoping for. This was no ordinary water heater, by the way: It was a "power vent" model that vents to the outside, not through the chimney. We soon learned that we'd be shelling out about twice the cost of a direct vent water heater to get this baby replaced.

Fast forward three years to the week after Thanksgiving, 2009. Our three-year-old 50-gallon power vent water heater stops working. The controller is blinking an error code that translates to "ECO Failure: Lockout condition." Intense Googling reveals that this is a problem only a plumber can diagnose and repair.

Because our water heater has a 6-year warranty, we call the manufacturer, who confirms that we need to hire a plumber. Which we do. The plumber comes out, calls the manufacturer's technical service support, and announces the verdict: Fried motherboard. A new one will be sent via FedEx overnight service, and the plumber will return to install it. Diagnosis charge: $144.00.

(I'd like to take a moment here to ask what in the hell this water heater is calculating such that its motherboard could become "fried" after three years. Has it been commandeered by the government to devote some of its processing power to the SETI project?)

Anyhoo, the next day the part arrives and the plumber returns to perform 15 minutes of installation work. Repair charge: $160.00.

Hey! What about that warranty?

"The PARTS are under warranty, but you still have to pay for labor," the manufacturer tells us. Sweet.

That's $304.00 for repairs, which is around 1/3 the cost of a new unit. So, we resign ourselves to this cost, chalking it up to the price of home ownership. At least we have hot water!, we tell ourselves. For the next 36 hours.

Until...

The damn thing stops working again! In the middle of my shower. On Saturday morning.

We refuse to hire an emergency / after-hours plumber ($$$$) so we bathe at the gym until Monday, when we get the manufacturer and our plumber on the phone. Turns out, the manufacturer gave the plumber bad advice, and sent a part that was inadequate to get the job done. So they'll have to send ANOTHER part, and we'll have to pay the plumber to come out AGAIN. Estimated repair charge: $240.00.

For those of you keeping score at home, that's 3 trips from the plumber at a total of $544.00 to repair a 3-year-old water heater.

But hey, at least those parts are under warranty, right?

Sick!

2009-11-12T17:46:00.001-06:00

OK, I just overheard a man well into his 40s say "You can do the sickest things with {such-and-such application}!"

Sorry, man, you are way too old to be talking like an illiterate teenager from the year 2002.

Pet Shop Boys VIP Meet and Greet Organizer - Feel My Rage!

2009-09-10T06:19:00.004-05:00

A few months ago, I bought tickets and VIP passes to a Pet Shop Boys concert that is part of their Fall 2009 North American tour. The organizer of the VIP Meet and Greet sent a letter stating that we would receive details about the time and place of the Meet and Greet about 1 week before the show. No problem.

However, the letter also stated that no photography would be allowed at the Meet and Greet.

Wha...? This was news to me. I double-checked the terms and conditions on the website where I bought the tickets/VIP passes, and nowhere did it mention photography being prohibited.

I was a bit ticked off. Second to the wonderful memory of meeting your favorite band, photographic evidence is an important component of the bragging rights one can rightfully claim after having met such luminaries. I was imagining snapping a photo with Neil on one side, Chris on the other, and me in the middle holding up that day's newspaper as proof of life.

But nooooo.

Thank you, unstated terms and conditions!

I had a few months to get over that annoyance when, the week before the concert, I received an email from the organizer of the Meet and Greet disclosing, as promised, the details of where and when. To my surprise, VIP pass holders were instructed to queue up at 4:30PM, and nobody would be let in after 5:15PM. For an 8PM show. Christ! Some of us have jobs!

Of course, it was my fault for assuming that the Meet and Greet would be after the show.

I mean, I figured before the show, they'd be eating dinner, doing sound check, and making sure their hats and wigs were arranged properly for quick changes between sets.

I suppose that by holding the Meet and Greet before the show, they have a built-in end time. "Sorry, fans, you're great, but we've got to get on stage now." None of that awkward, "Come party with us at the pub down the street before you get back on your tour bus, Pet Shop Boys!"

Again, I checked the website and all of the communications from the organizer, and nowhere did it state that the Meet and Greet would be before the show. Don't get me wrong -- I'm still totally psyched to meet Pet Shop Boys, but the side of me that pays attention to detail and likes to, you know, have important information available in order to make a rational purchasing decision... that side of me is a little irritated.

Carry on.

Why Does My New Tempur-Pedic Pillow Smell So Bad?

2009-06-18T18:28:00.005-05:00

About a month ago, I sprang for a new Tempur-Pedic Swedish Neck Pillow, because my old one was losing its supportiveness. I took the new one out of the box to let it air out, because it smelled pretty hideous. (I remember having to do this with my last one, too, but I don't remember it taking this long.)

Well, it's been a month, and the pillow is still unusable because it smells so bad! I'm sorry, but when I spend $100 on a pillow, I'd like to be able to use it now, not have to wait more than a month.

Perhaps there's a business model hiding somewhere in there for some enterprising individual: Selling Tempur-Pedic pillows and mattresses that have been aired out (in a sterile environment, of course) for however the hell long it takes so that they don't smell disgusting. I would gladly pay $110 for a pillow I could use today, rather than $100 for a pillow I might not be able to use until Fall. That's all I'm saying.

Image: Tempur-Pedic

Build-A-Bear Workshop fined for violating child labor laws

2009-05-19T09:55:00.002-05:00

This headline in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's RSS feed caught my eye today.

Build-A-Bear Workshop fined for violating child labor laws.

But...but...I thought the whole POINT was to have the children make the bears!

My Head Hurts All Over Again

2009-05-12T09:43:00.002-05:00

I just got a bill from my insurance company for a recent visit to the urgent care center for an acute migraine. My headache cost me $344.96.

Crossing Guard Fail = Fail Blog Win!

2009-04-19T12:46:00.000-05:00

Our Crossing Guard Fail submission made the front page of Fail Blog today! Huzzah!

more fail, owned and pwned pics and videos

Here is the permalink in case it rolls off the front page into Fail Blog obscurity: click here!

Community Policing Fail

2009-04-01T08:38:00.001-05:00

Oh no he didn't!

(Image Credit: Copyright-free clip art book)

This Person Could Be Your Match!

2009-03-24T12:24:00.003-05:00

This just in from my friend (who really exists), from the online dating trenches. And I do mean trenches, based on who Match.com seems to think is an appropriate mate for her:

Now, I'm not one to cast aspersions, but I'll do it anyway:

I think it's obvious to everyone that if this man's photo weren't so closely cropped, his button-down shirt would most certainly be revealed to be a short-sleeved button-down shirt. With a tie. He may or may not also be sporting a pocket protector. The problem is, unlike Zachary Levi (a.k.a. Chuck Bartowski of NBC's Chuck), he is NOT successfully rocking the Nerd Herd look.

He is 20 years older than my friend. Maybe if Liam Neeson (God rest Natasha Richardson's soul...poor family!) were to go back on the market, I could approve of my friend dating such an oldster. But this guy is no Liam Neeson. There, I said it.

Perhaps most importantly, the dude can't take a hint. My friend has already declined his "wink" on a few occasions. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds to me like the lady has made it clear she is not interested. Yet he persists. And his persistence is upsetting her -- so much so that she has sent her friends his photo to aid the police in the investigation in case she goes missing after a routine trip to the mall. NOT COOL!

What Now, Indeed!

2009-03-18T09:58:00.004-05:00

Today's entry comes to us from the glorious Fail Blog, where Randall Patrick Munroe's paean to the "bitches" at Verizon has captured my heart:

With this geekalicious throw-down, Randall Patrick Munroe is hereby inducted into the Temporary Rage Hall of Flame. Rage on, brother!

Have you used the memo line on your checks (or other bill-pay tactics) to stick it to the man? Share your story in the comments.

(Image: Randall Patrick Munroe, via Fail Blog)

Your Friends are Retaired

2009-03-09T13:22:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure whether to be insulted by this, or thankful that I am not a member of this guy's inner circle...

This affinity among "retarted" people is yet more evidence of the phenomenon I discussed earlier about how people on Facebook who can't spell attract as friends other people who can't spell. Hopefully none of them are using Match.com.

Ladies' Asses May Soon Be World's Largest Killer

2009-03-02T13:06:00.006-06:00

I don't know what is going on with Google News, but I keep seeing headlines with mismatched graphics in my news list.

For instance, yesterday's story about a norovirus outbreak on a Holland American cruise ship showed up in my headline list with a story from one source and a rather unfortunate (albeit topically appropriate) image from a different source (HealthKnowItAll.com).

Today, I see this in my headline list:

Whaaa? Ladies' asses may soon be world's largest killer?

The ass graphic belongs to a story on eOntarioNow about a "massive grant" awarded to the University of Rochester to research colon cancer. The headline itself points to an article on Voice of America about a new World Health Organization (WHO) report that estimates cancer will be the leading killer by 2010. The WHO report makes no reference to the colon cancer grant to the University of Rochester, nor to ladies' asses.

You Know It's Time to Fire Your Graphics Intern When...

2009-03-01T15:22:00.003-06:00

I'm no prude, but sweet Jesus! Could there be a more disgusting infographic than this, accompanying a story today on HealthKnowItAll.com about a cruise ship stricken with norovirus?

[Shaking head...]

Imprecision Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

2009-02-27T13:33:00.004-06:00

So the other day I was complaining about Microsoft's namby-pamby approach to specificity in its Online Help. Apparently Twitter has jumped on the vagueness bandwagon as well, as I just discovered when trying to do, uh...something on their site:

Something is technically wrong.

Where do I begin? With the "something"? Nah, too easy. Let's talk about that "technically", shall we?

Saying something is "technically" wrong on a Web site -- calling attention to the "technical" part -- is stupid. I apologize to all the stupid people out there who don't like being degraded by being mentioned in the same post as this Twitter error page.

But seriously, how else could something go wrong on a Web site, that would pop an error page? Aesthetically?

We're sorry, the page you asked to see is too ugly to be seen by human eyes. Check back when the user has improved his background image.

As much as I hate the wording of their message, I hate the graphics less, although they too suffer from not having a clear storyline.

Have you come across any ambiguous error messages lately? Share yours in the comments.

(Image Credit: Twitter)

How Much Do You Care About Spelling?

2009-02-22T12:23:00.005-06:00

Fresh from the trenches of online dating, a dear (and smart and hot and funny and totally wonderful, by the way) girlfriend of mine reports disappointment not so much in many of the men themselves, for their failure to spell basic words correctly, but rather in the technology.

If Match.com won't add spellchecking tools to the text entry fields on their site (considering how important first impressions are in the world of dating, and all), then they should add one final question to the "About Me" questionnaire:

How much do you care about spelling?
A. Alot.
B. A lot.
C. Not much.
D. Speeling?

For my friend, she could automatically exclude potential matches who answered C or D, and she could consider respondents who selected A on a case-by-case basis.

If you answered B, then you might be a suitable match for my friend. You further qualify if you have no felony record, do not still live with your ex-wife/ex-girlfriend/mother/some other married couple, have not recently impregnated anyone, are not in a band, and do not consider marijuana a food group. If this sounds like you, leave your email address in the comments and I shall forward it to my friend for consideration.

P.S. When I say "my friend," I do really mean a person other than myself. She exists. And is awesome! And is a fabulous speller. Among other things.

Image: Technobuzz.net

A-Rod

2009-02-10T11:19:00.003-06:00

High-profile athlete used steroids. Anyone surprised?

Used steroids and lied about it. Anyone surprised?

Lied about it but later came clean when outed by the press. Anyone surprised?

My real question is, In the grand scheme of things, who cares? Why is this making world headlines?

Photo Credit: AskMen.com

A Question

2009-02-07T13:00:00.002-06:00

Do you think Wolf Blitzer makes people touch his beard before he starts an interview?

"Sending an E-Invitation.com"

2009-01-30T19:58:00.006-06:00

So there I was, minding my own business in line for a bagel the other day, when I couldn't help but overhear the following exchange taking place between two women behind me in line:

June: Have you ever used E-Invitation.com to send a party invitation?

Sally: Yes.

June: I may need your help. I sent an E-Invitation.com to organize a party a few years ago, and need to do it again. But I forget how to make it work.

It took every bit of my self-restraint not to swivel around and stare, open-mouthed.

I sure as hell wasn't about to offer a correction. Last time I interjected myself into a conversation with woefully misinformed strangers, I gently tried to convince the two ladies in line in front of me at Qdoba that the cafe opening soon at the nearby mall was not called Pantera but rather Panera. I was greeted with a haughty "Uh, no...I'm pretty sure it's called Pantera."

I'll take my broccoli and cheese soup in a bread bowl with a side of RAWK!

Overheard a factual train wreck of a conversation among strangers lately? If so, did you attempt to intervene or just let it crash and burn? Share your story in the comments.

(Image: evite.com)

Spell Ya Later!

2009-01-29T12:55:00.005-06:00

Do people who can't spell attract as friends other people who can't spell?

If only Facebook would roll out a Comment Redline tool where you could make grammatical corrections to other people's status updates. But you'd need to have a lot of free time: Facebook is up to 200 million active users.

(Image courtesy of my Facebook status feed. Names have been obscured to protect the ignorant.)

iPhone iNtervention

2009-01-26T12:25:00.001-06:00

Do you ever see someone using a piece of technology so antiquated that you just want to take the person aside, wrest the brick phone from his or her hand, chuck it off a seaside precipice, and then march them down to the nearest Apple store to buy them an iPhone with your own money just so you no longer have to see the person suffer under the weight of their outmoded device?

OMG -- me too! (Except here at TEMPORARY RAGE, we do not endorse throwing electronics into the ocean. Littering is bad, mmm-kay?)

I've got this friend. We'll call him Bob. Bob's cell phone seems to have been manufactured circa 1989. Miraculously, it still functions, if by "functions" we limit our discussion to making and receiving phone calls and text messages. It rings only sporadically. Not to suggest that Bob is unpopular -- quite the opposite. But Bob's phone rings only when it feels like it.

In addition to its fair-weather approach to functionality, Bob's phone is fugly. And I don't mean fugly in the Go Fug Yourself sense where fugly is the new pretty. Oh no. This phone is bruised, battered, and appears to be held together with duct tape and rubber bands. Perhaps Macgyver could transform its raw materials into something useful to elude capture by the bad guys, but as it is...its only value appears to be comic relief at social gatherings, and perhaps in a few more years it will have resale value as an antique relic from the Days of Yore.

I'm not quite sure what bothers me so much about Bob's relentless clinging to his ridiculous albatross of a phone. Perhaps there is a name for it in the DSM-IV. I suspect it has something to do with my borderline obsession with my iPhone.

Yeah, yeah, you've heard it all before. People who heretofore exhibited the usual, comfortable level of indifference towards most if not all topics in life, suddenly transformed into Apple bumper-sticker sporting, iPhone evangelizing nutjobs after their first few hours cradling a shiny new 3G.

Don't get me wrong. I love my iPhone. I cherish it, I buy trinkets for it, I go on vacations with it. I have started a wave of iPhone adoption in the office and keep our iPhone team spirit strong with weekly emails about the latest, greatest new iPhone apps. I wouldn't say I'm *completely* obsessed, but I can see how someone who has never had a smartphone could forget to eat or bathe once they get started with an iPhone. And it's not that I wish that on Bob...dude needs to keep clean and well fed. On the other hand, just think of all the YouTube, Facebook, Urban Spoon, and Tetris he is missing out on!

Have you ever staged an intervention for a technologically backward friend, relative or colleague? (Or have you been the subject of such an intervention?) Share your story in the comments.

(Photo Credit: Motorola)

Imprecision Is Periodically Not a Good Thing

2009-01-21T13:45:00.006-06:00

So there I was, crashing and then restarting Microsoft Word 2007 every few minutes this afternoon. Making painfully slow progress on the document I am trying to write. Dropping F-bombs under my breath each time the dreaded "Microsoft Word has encountered a problem and needs to annoy the crap out of you" window appeared.

About the fifth time it happened, a new window popped up, informing me that some diagnostic activities had been performed and that if I would just follow this handy link, I would learn of the results.

Follow the link I did. I was taken to this page on the Microsoft Web site, offering me insight into a number of topics:

Memory Diagnostic — No problems found

Compatibility Diagnostic — No problems found

Disk Diagnostic — No problems found

Update Diagnostic — Unable to access a required file

The Update Diagnostic was unable to run because it requires a file that you have chosen not to download. To give Microsoft Office permission to download this file, do one of the following in one of these 2007 Office release programs:
Access, Excel, PowerPoint, or Word
Click the Microsoft Office Button, and then click Access Options, Excel Options, PowerPoint Options, or Word Options.
Click Trust Center, click Advanced Trust Center Settings, and then click Privacy Options.
Select the Download a file periodically that helps determine system problems check box.
Wait about a week to allow the file to be downloaded, and then run Microsoft Office Diagnostics again.

Hang on a second...or, perhaps I should say, "Hang on about a week."

There is so much wrong with that Update Diagnostic passage I scarcely know where to begin.

First of all: "...it requires a file that you have chosen not to download." Way to play the blame game, Microsoft. I don't remember being prompted to specify that particular user preference lurking deep in the bowels of the Microsoft Word Options settings when I installed the software. Because of my long-standing love for the many and random dialog boxes you pop (and my appreciation of the fact that you want to get to know me better by analyzing my user data), I say yes to everything you ask me. Software-wise -- for you, Microsoft -- I'm what you might call a cheap date.

But getting back to those privacy options: "Select the Download a file periodically that helps determine system problems check box." Download a file periodically? I can just imagine the conversation in the writers' room when they were trying to nail down the wording for that user preference.

David: How about 'Download a file that helps determine system problems'?

Susan: That makes it sound like we're only downloading the file once. It says here in the spec that there will be updated diagnostic files over time.

David: You're right. How about 'Download a file weekly that helps determine...'?

Susan: 'Weekly' sounds a bit excessive - as if we're anticipating users will have weekly problems with Word, which would never happen!

David: Besides, who knows how often Engineering will get around to creating new diagnostic files. Monthly?

Susan: Still too...precise.

David: Every once in a while?

Susan: Now you're getting somewhere!

And once you've selected that ambiguously worded checkbox... "Wait about a week to allow the file to be downloaded." Seriously? Wait "about a week"?! Either that's one damn big file to take a week to download, or...could it be? Could it be those diagnostic files are deployed on a weekly basis after all? Or, rather, on an "about a week"ly basis.

It's hijinks like this that give Microsoft a bad name.

Have you encountered any particularly cryptic, vague, or otherwise infuriating dialog box options or software instructions? (Or, if you are a technical writer, have you had to tap dance around the cold, hard truth to make your software manuals more palatable?) Share your story in the comments.

Thin Brownies Are For Losers

2009-01-18T08:47:00.005-06:00

This just in from Betty Crocker: All of her brownies are thick, even the ones you bake in a giant pan. It's just a matter of how thick.

Apparently thin brownies are for losers.

I wish I could say I believed that this product labeling tactic was to avoid class action lawsuits ("But it said 'Thin Brownies' -- I thought that meant reduced calories!"). More likely, some focus group got paid a lot of money to tell the Betty Crocker people that the prospect of a "thin brownie" sounded disgusting and unpatriotic, like day-old salad bar fixins, and that it would make the brownies taste better if they were all labeled "thick."

However, just because you label it a certain way doesn't magically make it so, as I'm sure the poor saps buying Rich & Skinny brand jeans are discovering right about now.

What's your favorite example of a silly, euphemistic, confusing, misguided, or downright misleading product labeling tactic? Leave your story in the comments.

My Own Private Mortgage Hell

2009-01-15T17:59:00.001-06:00

There's been a lot of talk lately about the mortgage crisis, a topic on which I am wholly unqualified to comment. Let me tell you instead about the rage-inducing customer service experiences I keep having with my mortgage lender, whose name I shall not broadcast for fear of being sued. Everything I am about to say is true, but this Ohio-based financial institution that was founded in 1858 has more in-house lawyers than I do.

I refinanced my adjustable-rate mortgage last year into a fixed-rate version with a lower interest rate. Yay!, right? Kinda. I soon learned that my new mortgage came with an online banking system that seems to have been designed by someone with a very limited imagination...or a sick sense of humor.

Here's what happened (and continues to happen). The month after I got my shiny new mortgage, I sent a small additional payment to the bank through an electronic funds transfer from my primary bank. As instructed by the mortgage bank's online help (yes, I did actually RTFM), I noted "PRINCIPAL PAYMENT" in the memo line.

About two weeks later (two weeks!), I got a letter in the mail from the mortgage bank informing me that I had made a payment on my mortgage (thanks, guys!), but they didn't know what to do with it (...really?). The letter stated that I needed to inform them in writing of my wishes, whether to hold the excess payment until my next monthly payment was due or apply it to the principal.

I guess they didn't see the memo (line).

I called Customer Service and asked if I really had to send them back a physical letter, or if I could just tell them my wishes and have them note it on my account for all future additional payments. The Customer Service rep said the latter was fine. So I let my wishes be known. The rep informed me that it would take up to five business days for the payment to be processed as a principal payment. "But you've had the money for two weeks!" I protested. "Why will it take you so long to actually apply it to my account?" The response was the Customer Service equivalent of "I don't make the rules..."

Several days later I got a letter in the mail stating that my additional payment had been applied to the principal on my mortgage. The letter also helpfully informed me that if I wished to contact Customer Service, I could give them instructions on how to apply future excess payments. Hmm. The letter also apologized for "any inconvenience this may have caused." (Gotta love the "may have.")

The next month, I made an additional payment and went online to verify it was applied correctly. It was not. It was listed as an "Unapplied Credit." (As in, sits in a pool earning interest for the bank until your next mortgage payment is due, at which time it is applied to your balance.) I sent the bank an email message via their web site and asked them to apply it to the principal balance immediately, and reminded them that I had called the previous month to indicate that that was my preference for all excess payments. I received an apologetic response and was assured it would be adjusted and applied to the principal. I got the same form letter in the mail a few days later.

Later, rinse, repeat, about 10 times (what can I say? I like to chip away at that ginormous balance, if only just a few bucks at a time.) After a few more months of apologetic but ultimately unhelpful service from the bank, I was able to determine the root cause of the problem. It is interesting to note that I reached this determination not with any direct assistance of the Customer Service department, but by comparing multiple, disparate responses from Customer Service that were all partially incorrect in their own unique way.

As it turns out, there are multiple points of failure here.

The bank's system processes all payments (by physical check or electronic transfer) without human intervention, so writing "PRINCIPAL PAYMENT" on your check is useless. (Online Help fail!)

The bank's processing system is not smart enough to associate incoming payments with information (such as payment allocation directives) in a customer's account profile, unless the payment is coming from a checking account held by that same bank. (Interoperability fail!)

Their Customer Service system is not sophisticated enough to recognize the need for escalation after a customer has reported the same issue more than, say, a dozen times in less than a year. I have a stack of identically worded letters from this bank, and each time I get one, it makes me angrier than the last. (Customer Service fail!)

I could go on. About, say, the fact that the Online Customer Service team really needs to look into spellcheck. (Seriously, sir or madam: I've already spelled "principal" correctly for you in my bi-weekly emails requesting that you process my payment as a principal reduction. Don't write back and tell me you've applied my payment to the "principle" on my mortgage.) But that would be splitting hairs.

Do you have a tale of spectacular Customer Service failure? Do you hate your bank, too? Leave your story in the comments.

Photo credit: AMagill

Bad News Bear Market

2009-01-13T05:29:00.000-06:00

Hearing that the holiday party at a friend's company was being scaled back compared to previous years, another friend hypothesized as to the cause:

"Bad News Bear market?"

Things that make me laugh deserve a category of their own, hence the new label: OPPOSITE OF RAGE. Do you have any favorite pet names for the downturn in the economy? Share them in the comments.

I'll Give You Something to Cry About

2009-01-09T09:30:00.006-06:00

I just got an email from a client comparing the fun level of our last meeting to a painful dental procedure. It was in jest, true, and followed by a big ol' sloppy paragraph of praise. But why undercut the praise at all?

We've all heard about people who can't take a compliment, but what about people who can't give one? Now, I've been known to make a joke at someone else's expense from time to time - but with a few key differences:

I usually make fun of people in person (not in a broadcast email to a bunch of people who weren't even at the meeting). I do this in the hope that the person I am skewering might rise to the bait, fire back with a witty retort, and much hilarity will ensue.
My jokes are way better. Root canal? Come on!

What is the most memorable backhanded compliment you've received (or given) at work? Leave your story in the comments.