Te Nosce

BLOG HAS MOVED: Last One Out, Kill the Lights

2009-08-17T03:44:00.007-06:00

... but leave the door open, in case anyone wants to poke around. And another blog comes to a close. Doesn't seem like long ago that I was doing this with "Running..." The new (and final!) website is fully operational now, and that's where you'll find further updates from now on, which should resume in full force this week as I'm on the bus to Denver in just a few hours. From there? We'll see.

8/16: That Uppity Ego

2009-08-16T05:16:00.002-06:00

Dennis has become a major catalyst for a sobering perspective shift and a stunning transition. This has been a vicious personal process, considering I knew him for five short hours 15-months ago. I often talk high-minded about “lessons,” and if there is a small positive that I may be able to take from this sad story of Dennis, maybe it’s the long- overdue, deep seeded acceptance of “give & take”

8/7: Dennis- Violent End to a Tragic Life

2009-08-07T17:33:00.006-06:00

As you can probably tell by all the references and foreshadowing, I have been gnawing on this particular post. I have intended to write it each and every one of the past six days, but wanted to be sure that it did not turn into an angry, emotional, self-serving rant. It still may, but it is never going to be the perfect time to write it, so here goes. Comments as always are always welcome below,

7/12- 7/31: Santa Fe

2009-07-31T19:09:00.004-06:00

In 2008, my “interludes” while traveling did not go perfectly. They generally degenerated, after a few calm days, into impatience and a mad- searching for signs & answers as to what step is next. This year has been different. My visit home in May was quite nice, and the rest of July continued that theme. Once off the bus and in the apartment, I literally exhaled and collapsed from mental

7/12: Nebraska to New Mexico- Inga

2009-07-12T19:23:00.002-06:00

Back at the bus station, it was a familiar waiting game. I sat there in relative silence, smoking occasionally and trying to tolerate the kids running unattended through out the place. The young woman from earlier was still there with her pile of luggage after returning from a trip to the same coffee shop Chris and I had visited. We didn’t speak until the bus was almost ready to board and when it

7/11: Parting Ways in Omaha- Te Nosce!

2009-07-11T16:55:00.000-06:00

Dirk’s appointment was at a wedding reception held at a hotel downtown, literally just a block from the bus station. He was running late after all the trouble of the day. Chris volunteered to help him unload the photo booth while I arranged to get my ticket to Santa Fe. Once done, the only things left to do were pick up my ticket, swap food and gear, and kill the nearly 4- hours until my

7/11: Crossing Iowa With King Dirk

2009-07-11T13:35:00.003-06:00

The reeds and grass worked perfectly, and before I knew it, we were back at the Iowa 80 one last time waiting for Photoguy. Chris wisely called him one last time to be sure that he was indeed nearby and not somewhere like Scranton. Our little nickname for him had turned out to be quite accurate. His actual name was Guy, and he supplemented his income by operating one of those 1950’s instant-

7/10: Iowa 80- Beginning Transitions

2009-07-10T13:26:00.010-06:00

Friday began early, but not due to any heroic effort on our part. It had been hot and muggy the night before and as 7:30 came, I awoke to the sound of wind and nearly shivering. A peek from the bivy showed what looked to be a huge thunderstorm moving in. We had nearly enough time to begin packing up and get to the shelter of the Iowa 80. We almost made it, but not quite. Shortly after having the

7/9: Iowa 80- Jamboree

2009-07-09T17:57:00.007-06:00

The decision to stay was a good one.Thursday began as expected with coffee & breakfast. This time however, we were quite possibly treated to the best server the Iowa 80 has ever employed. Christi was a very pretty blonde, in her early 20’s and quite reserved at first, but as time went by became quite friendly and some would say… even playful. After Sally and her 45- minutes between half fill- ups

7/8: Iowa 80

2009-07-08T15:08:00.003-06:00

It felt great to be in the bivy again, and I slept until late morning waking to the sound of steady rain hitting the goretex. After donning the rain gear, we slowly packed up and trudged back across the exit ramp to dry out and get coffee. This was the beginning of what would become ritual during our time there. A few hours passed sitting by the window watching it rain and being amused by Sally,

7/7: Iowa

2009-07-07T20:41:00.006-06:00

Once nestled in on the bus riding west along I-94, I finally began to decompress. Chris was right in the sense that it was time to move on, and the reality that we were leaving Michigan began to provide the perspective I had been craving. Reflecting back on the previous month seemed a bit easier; the common "forest through the trees" effect became quite clear. Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate

7/7: The Gestapo Comes to Kalamazoo

2009-07-07T19:19:00.010-06:00

Chris decided to leave early to walk the 3- miles to the Kalamazoo Greyhound station, while I opted to wait to see if Brian came home. True to form, Brian returned maybe 10- minutes after Chris had left and we both had a chuckle at his impatience. Five weeks now, and these 10- minutes are just unbearable? Brian agreed to drop me off, and after a quick good- bye chat with Joey, who was still at

July 4th: Storm Brewing at Brian’s

2009-07-07T17:46:00.007-06:00

Brian and Joey immediately shuffled us off for dinner when we arrived back in Kalamazoo, and calm- exhaustion set in as I gorged myself at IHOP. I had been eating everything, at every opportunity, for the past week still freaked out by the weight loss I had experienced in June! The feeling of calm contentment I felt that Friday night was a nice, but short- lived reprieve. This was not going to be

7/3: Meet Mike

2009-07-03T19:48:00.004-06:00

Getting up at 10:00 after the late night was rough going, but once I was packed and had dropped off the extra stuff at my mother's, we were on our way to Coldwater... a good hour later than "planned." The idea was to meet up with Mike at the familiar Big Boy around two or three o'clock. This would provide us with a few hours to eat, drink coffee, and plot. We said our goodbyes to Bob in the

6/29- 7/2: Sit Down & Shut Up

2009-07-02T02:06:00.012-06:00

Sunday night around the fire was profound. Chris and I had discussed several times how difficult it is to grasp the concept that we as individuals are NOT the center of the entire universe, despite the fact that our eyes make it seem we are! When serendipity or "fate" is discussed, it's often from the perspective that these events only involve or happen to us, or because of us. That's the ego at

6/28: An Afternoon With Dad

2009-06-28T20:03:00.006-06:00

Shelly and Chris had reconnected in Delta and as I waited for them to pick me up for this Sunday meeting, I was simply ready to get on with it. The thought, "Why does this have to be such a production?" was foremost in my mind, plus I was interested to see how the three of us would interact and see how it would compare to our brief meeting in 2000.We deposited Chris at the place of his own

6/22- 6/27: Relaxation & Regression

2009-06-27T23:43:00.006-06:00

This week was as close to a time machine as I'll see in my lifetime. Chris had stayed in Ohio to frolic solo, so I was back in Hillsdale alone staying with Bobby with no real ties to my current life, except for my backpack. It was funny to see my old habits take over as I essentially let go and re- immersed in the enigma that is Hillsdale. It was out of the question to stay with my mother after

6/21: Father's Day Surprise

2009-06-21T07:51:00.000-06:00

It didn't take long to figure out what was going on behind the scenes while I lingered in this apparent state of limbo. Shelly and I had a candid talk on the way back to Michigan about my willingness to hang around and make myself available if there was some sort of solid, specific meeting set up. I was pretty clear however that, after 3- weeks, it was time to move forward and that I was mentally

6/16- 6/21: Pulling Roots

2009-06-21T07:47:00.001-06:00

While the previous weekend was continuing to resonate strongly on one aspect of my psyche, the first part of the next week would batter yet another part. The flood of realizations would continue, and this time it was with a stark perspective on the environment in which I WAS raised. Chris had been fantastic as a sounding board for thoughts, ideas, and feelings since we had arrived but it was time

6/12- 6/15: "A Moment of Realization is Worth a Thousand Prayers"

2009-06-15T20:57:00.004-06:00

Ben & Brad had insisted on coming to Shelly's house in Ohio on their way to the Detroit airport Friday to see her cats. Shelly had lived in Boise for a short of time and they had gotten to know Baz the Cat pretty well. There wasn't a lot of time, but having lunch was nice sendoff , and it was good to hang around them a bit more before they returned to Idaho. I let them know that Boise was on my

6/11: Three New Nephews

2009-06-11T09:22:00.007-06:00

Shelly had not seen my mother since she was a little girl, and I was maybe a year- old. Our mother's had remained friends and had brought her, Lynn, and Skip to our house periodically after my mother and our father had parted company. There was never any indication given that I was anymore than "their mother's friend's kid" throughout their childhood. Shelly finally was let in on the fact when

6/6- 6/10: Home Again

2009-06-10T16:43:00.003-06:00

"Avoiding Hillsdale like Herpes" was an understatement. I had tried several times with limited success to "escape" in the years after high school, only to inevitably find myself right back where I started with just a few new anecdotes. I knew I would have to get out eventually, naturally assuming that it was Hillsdale that made me miserable. Typical victimist thinking, but it served the purpose

6/2- 6/6: Evolving Friendships

2009-06-06T12:50:00.001-06:00

I was absolutely right about Chris. He got along with Brian & Joey famously! Tuesday night was spent diving into our different philosophies and experiences as Brian took it all in and offered what was now clinical analysis. To my shock and amazement, however, I quickly discovered that I was having the same sense of difficulty talking with Brian as Chris had with Bill in DC! The days of free-

6/2: Kalamazoo

2009-06-02T10:45:00.002-06:00

Tuesday began as Monday had: Dropping Shelly at work, then hitting the road to Ann Arbor. We returned to her house so I could prepare Elmo for his demise; unpacking everything and repeatedly searching him to be sure I was returning only the pack! Not unlike leaving an apartment for the last time. During this process, I discovered that even if I had not found the new pack, I would have returned it

6/1: Michigan

2009-06-01T00:29:00.005-06:00

With the buildup and Internet conversation, Shelly and I had little to cover once I arrived. It was more of feeling out process to see how we communicated and connected face- to- face. She also had to work very early in the morning making it for early evenings, so we had spent Sunday night getting acquainted, making plans for Monday, and playing with her kitten, Timber. Shelly had discovered