tam lontok

Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:26:00 +0000

On my google reader list, there is a particular blog I often look forward to reading amongst many others and it is Marc and Angel Hack Life. Although I do not know Marc and Angel personally, I cannot help but feel as if they are my virtual pen pals or friends...always keeping me lifted in mind and spirit. With their wisdom and reminders, they allow for me to push the pause button and create space to contemplate and discern. I guess you can call this my virtual blog crush...hey, to each its own right?

Today's post touched upon the topic of relationships and how it easy to make your relationships more complicated than they are and they provided twelve reminders we often forget.

All successful relationships require some work. – They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Open communication and honesty is the key. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
Most of the time you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. It’s a simple practice that works.
You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. – Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will create one for you.
There is a purpose for everyone you meet. – Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you. Learn to see and accept the differences between these people, and carry on accordingly.
We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their way. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.
You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else. If you feel that it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within yourself to find out what piece is missing. Your partner can never ‘complete’ you because you are already whole. The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are. (Read Stumbling on Happiness.)
Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
You can’t change people; they can only change themselves. – Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example. If there’s a specific behavior someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do.
Heated arguments are a waste of time. – The less time you spend arguing with the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you. And if you happen to find yourself arguing with someone you love, don’t let your anger get the best of you. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation. (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)
You are better off without some people. – When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you. If someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, have enough respect for yourself to walk away from them. It may hurt for a little while, but it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok, and far better off in the long run.
Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get. Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by making small gestures to show your appreciation and affection. Remember, making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Your kindness and gratitude matters.
Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you. And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.

Tet - Year of the Dragon

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:46:00 +0000

One of the most celebrated holidays in the Chinese and Vietnamese culture is the Lunar New Year. It is a celebration lasting about seven days. Around this time each year, I would always recall on my own childhood memories of tet. Growing up, my brothers and I shared a room with a bunk bed and twin bed for me. On the morning of tet, my parents would go into our room and greet us. Before gifting us with a red envelope (li xi), they would share their wishes for us that year and we would exchange ours to them. Then, I would tuck the red envelope (li xi) under my bed and save it for good luck throughout the year.

This year, I came across the video below reminding me the importance of tet and family. It made me grateful that my parents engrained this tradition in us throughout the years and how I look forward to continue this tradition for years to come. Happy Year of the Dragon!

Here are some photos taken with one of my favorite iPhone camera apps, Camera+, during Tet 2012.

Mom's Shrimp Rolls

My Mom and I

Li Xi

London and Favorites

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:56:00 +0000

Throughout my childhood and young adulthood, I always found it somewhat difficult to list out favorites. It could possibly be due to the mere fact that committing to anything at a young age and using the words 'favorite' and 'best' resonated to 'the one' for me. Therefore, I would always mention loving and enjoying a particular subject, but never dropped my version of the 'f' word. For example:

"As for a favorite color, I like this _____ and _____ or even a motif of _____."

"One of my favorite books is ____."

With this idiosyncrasy of mine, I was delighted to figure out my favorite movie of all times in December of 2010. How about that for a late bloomer? The King's Speech was a homerun for me on many levels. I truly enjoyed how the theme was multi-faceted and how it touched upon education, literacy, compassion, struggles, and overcoming fears. Most importantly, it was based on the true life story of King George VI of Britain and how his vulnerabilities helped us to connect with him in a more authentic level. After the movie ended, I wanted to have a tissue in my hand and say, "Bravo...bravo," like Elaine on Seinfeld.

Three weekends after the movie, Greg and I were excited to take our trip to London in January of 2011. We took advantage of our three day weekend and although it was short, we quickly grew fond of the city for its history and culture. It became one of our most memorable trips and I cannot believe it has been exactly a year since we were last exploring the city and grounds. Oh London, we miss you.

The Original Pimm's Cup & London Pride Beer

English Breakfast Tea

London Bridge

St. Paul's Cathedral

Lyceum Theatre

Covent Garden Market

The King's Speech Trailer:

Embracing the New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 01:19:00 +0000

A few weeks ago in my yoga class, my instructor quieted our minds by asking us the following question:

Where are you finding your own miracle this holiday season?

She mentioned how a miracle does not always have to be grand and how we can see it through the simplest of notions. It is about being grateful and open to seeing it. She shared how her father passed away years ago and when she visited his resting place this past Thanksgiving, a butterfly flew right in front of her. For her, it was a miracle to know that her father is still with her through the butterfly.

The next day, I was walking to our local market and could not help but think of this past November. Sadness drew upon me as I thought of my grandma, Greg's grandma, the car accident, and being admitted to the ER. Just at that moment, an elderly man walked by and said to me, "God bless you."

After I thanked him and responded with the likewise phrase, he continued to walk in the store and greeted everyone with the saying, "God bless you."

While I was grabbing my lunch on the side, I glanced over and saw the cashier smiling and asking him, "How are you doing, Jack?"

With his cane propping him, he responded joyfully, "I'm alive!"

Hearing those simple words allowed for me to experience this season's miracle. The gift of being alive and present. Thank you, Jack.

Hope you are all having a wonderful start this new year...much positive thoughts to you always. All my best to you in this coming year!

Holiday Crushing

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 01:46:00 +0000

Madeleine Peyroux...she is the woman of my hour. Leaving me completely awe-struck with her cover of Dance Me to the End of Love, I am bummed she will not be performing in California next year. In the meantime, she'll just have to remain as the number one repeat on my playlist.

Hope you are all dancing to the end of love in every part of your life...have a wonderful holiday season!

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love, dance me to the end of love

Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Oh dance me to the end of love, dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long

We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love, dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love, dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Stamping, Gastropubs, and 32

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 01:17:00 +0000

About two months ago, I began my addiction with stamping and thought how fun it would be to incorporate my new found love with Greg's birthday. Since Greg enjoys craft beer and gastropubs, I wanted to recreate that experience for him in the comfort of our own home, especially on a Friday night after work. It was a gastropub and craft beer dedication to Greg before he turned 32.

the beer tasting menu

dinner menu

birthday celebrant

Abeni and Derek

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:36:00 +0000

This past Sunday, I met up with Abeni and Derek for a fun holiday photo session at one of my favorite running trails in Los Angeles. The Wood Chip Trail begins under the bridge in the Fry's parking lot in Manhattan Beach and extends to Redondo Beach, which is about 9.95 miles round trip. Hope you are able to check out this trail one day. In the meantime, you can check out some of the views from the images below. Thank you Abeni and Derek for allowing me to document your genuine love! Your joy for each other makes me smile inside and out.

To see the rest of the photos, please check out the slideshow below:

Abeni and Derek

Holiday Hazards

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 01:42:00 +0000

Upon checking my email this morning, I received an announcement from Hachi's veterinarian about the common holiday hazards for dogs and cats and ways to prevent them. The first reminder stated:

Dangerous Foods
The following can be toxic to pets: chocolate, raisins, grapes, macadamia nuts, garlic, onion, alcohol, caffeinated beverages, bread dough, and sugar-free candy and gum containing artificial sweetener xylitol.

What did I do when I read this section? I sighed. Hachi striked three times already and we are still in the midst of the holiday season. Below is a recap of her most recent incidents:

- Early November, Hachi ate a loaf of bread from the kitchen counter and hid her leftovers under the bed of the guest room.

- Mid-November, she helped our friend finish his cup of joe voluntarily. We came running down the stairs to see all fours on the couch and her head dipped into the mug on the coffee table. With the countless hours of naps Hachi takes in throughout the day, my jaw dropped seeing her inhale that caffeine.

- Yesterday, Hachi spotted my parents' gift to another family member and decided to sample the chocolates herself. She even left a wrapper in her doggie bowl, a walnut chew in the crevice of the couch, and one extra piece on the stairway (in case if she ever wants to eat it while walking up the stairs).

Hachi is funny when it comes to confrontation. On any given day, Hachi would always greet Greg and I at the door. For the other three occurrences, Hachi would be busy hiding her stash and hope that we do not notice anything. In my imagination, she performs these antics with the song, "Somebody's Watching Me," by Rockwell. Silly dog...we are just grateful she is safe and the food did not affect her too much. This only means Greg and I need to "Hachi Proof" our home a bit a more for the rest of December.

My Holiday Offender

If you are interested in the list of holiday hazards for pets, here you go:

Dangerous Foods

The following can be toxic to pets: chocolate, raisins, grapes, macadamia nuts, garlic, onion, alcohol, caffeinated beverages, bread dough, and sugar-free candy and gum containing the artificial sweetener xylitol.

Regular Foods

Despite tradition, bones should never be given to pets. Even beef, ham, and other "regular" foods that are not considered toxic can cause illness in pets. If your pet is a moocher, keep a saucer of his regular treats on the table to offer when he asks. He probably won't know the difference!

New Treats and Toys

Even a pet-safe treat can cause stomach upset if it is new to your pet. Offer only one of these at a time (ideally, separated by a few days). If your pet becomes ill after eating a holiday treat, it will be easier to trace the source and discontinue it. Also, check new toys for sharp edges, pieces that can be chewed off, or other potential hazards.

Plants

Hazardous plants include mistletoe, some evergreens (including some types of pine), and holly bushes and berries. Try to keep these plants away from pets, or at least supervise pets when dangerous plants are nearby.

Decorations

Tinsel, tree ornaments, ribbons, string, and garlands are some items that can be dangerous if eaten by pets. Keep these items away from pets — especially when pets are unattended. Don't forget to cover any electrical cords or keep them out of reach.

Fire and Carbon Monoxide

Monitor pets near fireplaces, wood-burning stoves, candles, and portable heaters. Also, don't forget to check smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors to make sure they are functioning properly. Space heaters, furnaces, and idling cars (in a garage) can increase the risk of carbon monoxide poisoning in pets and humans.

Christmas Trees

Monitor your pets when they are around your holiday tree. Pets may eat the needles (even from artificial trees) or drink water from the base of the tree, which can be toxic (especially if there are preservatives in it). Keep electrical cords and decorative lights out of reach, too.

Hope you are all having a hazard-free holiday season!

The Ride

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 23:44:00 +0000

The last month has been a whirlwind and to be quite honest, I missed responding, "Everything is going good." Week after week, it felt as if Greg and I were on a roller coaster and pleading it to stop. After awhile, Greg and I were afraid to pick up each other's phone call not knowing what to expect next.

The last thirty days, we grieved the loss of our grandmothers, traveled to Canada and Vietnam to witness both of our mothers saying their goodbyes, experienced a car accident, and two Sundays ago, I was released from the ER for a tension and cluster headache. It has been truly exhausting... I would find myself at times replaying the images in my mind and feelings of sadness would renew itself again. The support and prayers from our family and friends is what kept us lifted and grateful. Thank you for allowing us to lean on you.

As for my current response, "Things are going good."

My short story contribution is finally on Amazon as of December 4th and the ebook will be available in a few weeks. Many thanks to Mai Bui and Quyen Ngo for the opportunity!

Here is the Amazon link: A Melting Pot of Thoughts

Below is a picture of Greg and I at the launch party with my cup of orange juice. Yup, I had juice at a cocktail party. Mind you, the shawl was not helping and I should have dressed myself in sweats and socks, which could have saved me from getting sick and going to the ER the next day. All good, I'm healthy now and can't complain. =)

photo credit: Chrislynn Photography

December 1999

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 23:08:00 +0000

During winter break of my sophomore year in college, my family and I celebrated our first Christmas in Bao Loc, Vietnam with our grandma, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was one of my most memorable trips and one I would always hold close to me.

I'll never forget...

walking to mass with her daily at 5am...

feeding her farm animals and checking up on them with her...

having breakfast and chatting over her version of oeuf a la coque every morning.

Grandma, you will be missed.

This evening, I'll be on my way to Vietnam to accompany my mom for the next seven days. My only hope is to be half the rock my Grandma was for her nine children when my Grandfather passed.

If tears could build a stairway,

And memories a lane,

I'd walk right up to Heaven

And bring you home again.

~author unknown

Love at First Sight

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:54:00 +0000

Perusing through my Facebook news feed three weeks ago, Fab announced their sale on the Holstee Manifesto poster. Although we have seen those inspirational quotes before, Greg and I thought it would be a nice addition to our home decor and serve as a reminder to live by those words.

Holstee began as a dream for brothers Dave and Mike Radparvar and friend Fabian Pfortmuller in 2009. The Holstee Manifesto is the iconic product of the Brooklyn-based apparel company Holstee. It was actually one product about their business they never intended to become popular. At one point this summer, they sold out of it with a four-week back-order. This product has been translated into 12 languages and has been viewed more than 50 million times.

The founders of Holstee wanted to create a lifestyle for themselves reflecting their manifesto. Their design philosophy hopes to inspire others to follow their dream. Below is the image of the poster and a typography video. Enjoy!

Anna G.

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:58:00 +0000

Last Thursday, I met up with Anna from Anna G. Photography for a fun photo session in Thousand Oaks. We met years ago through mutual friends and after a few brief encounters and dinner dates, I am honored and blessed to have her friendship. Anna is in her element when she is positioned behind the lens and documenting life. Therefore, it was such a treat to have her be in front of the camera for the first time!

Anna...you are truly beautiful inside and out. May these photos be a reflection of your spirit and the wonderful joy you bring to all those around you. Thank you for being you.

To see the rest of the photos, please check out the slideshow:

Anna G. Photography

Baby Justin Malonzo

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 16:05:00 +0000

Date of Arrival: 09.28.11

From dating, engagement, wedding, and baby....it's been a fun ride cheering you on through each milestone. Congratulations Malonzos!

To see the rest of the photos, please check out the slideshow below:

Baby Justin Malonzo

New Beginnings

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 18:32:00 +0000

A few weeks ago, I enrolled in two classes at the California Art Institute for my upcoming project. One class specializes on head and figure drawing, while the other is an emphasis on landscape, portrait, and still life painting using water media. My drawing class took place this past Monday and truth be told, I am a complete novice when it comes to sketching with charcoal. Within the three hours, I took in every stroke slowly and utilized my kneaded eraser more often than necessary. Fortunately, my art professor was patient, kind, and understanding. He allowed for me to express what I saw when I looked at the model on stage, make my mistakes along the way, and guided me when it was appropriate.

While reading in bed that evening, Greg decided to put his book down and asked how my class went. Turning around to lie on my stomach and hands anchoring my face, I said after a sigh, "It was hard. I felt as if I were in the shoes of one of my Kindergarteners and learning how to read or write for the first time."

Of course, Greg took amusement to my melodrama and comforts me by saying, "It's okay...it's only the beginning and your first class. You are working on your spatial sense of the brain. It takes practice. Let's go check it out."

We went up to the office and I showed him my work. A few minutes later, we were both practicing and drawing. As I was ordering The Human Figure book suggested by my professor, I took a glance at Greg sketching alongside with me and could not help but feel grateful to have such a supportive partner and friend.

Below is my first sketch and I wanted to post it as a reminder of the beginning...the feeling of excitement, doubt, and allowing myself to fall in order to learn.

Remembering Steve Jobs...

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 04:07:00 +0000

Commencement Speech - June 12, 2005

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Anthology

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 14:44:00 +0000

Within the last month, I have been working on a writing project for A Melting Pot of Thoughts. In this collection, it will include poems and other pieces of writing. It touches upon the journey of the Asian American experience from writers of all different generations. All of the stories and poems are true and personal. It will cover various aspects of the Asian culture. This includes food, customs, traditions, language, historical events, clothing, arts, and special places.

A Melting Pot of Thoughts was created to help reintroduce hope and appreciate the simple things in life. Some stories will make you laugh, while others may make you cry. My short story, The Stitch, is a tribute to my parents, our sponsors, and the refugee experience. It will cover historical facts in the scope of love and justice.

A message was just sent out indicating that the inside layout, final read-through, and corrections should be completed by the end of this month. As for publication and launch party date, it is set for this December! For Christmas, I'm excited to give the book as a gift to my parents and our sponsors this year.

To see my bio and the other writers in this collection, please feel free to click the link below:

A Melting Pot of Thoughts - Our Friends

Espresso Cups

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 18:43:00 +0000

Life excites me...just the little, normal, and everyday things. Waking up, getting dressed, and having our espresso in the mornings.

G.Lo - It's been fun experiencing life with you as a friend and partner for the last dozen of years....and I would do it all over again.

photo credit: Ja Tecson

Home Decor

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 17:32:00 +0000

Slowly, Greg and I are adding furniture and accent pieces to our home. Although we still have a long way to go, it has been fun taking our time and appreciating it one by one. As for the overall design of our place, we are trying to incorporate elements of old and new. Two weeks ago, we ordered the Chatterblocks as an addition to our home decor and we love the functionality of it. We are able to create messages and reminders for each other and gives us something to look forward to when we go home or wake up. I'm excited to greet our family and friends throughout the years with fun, whimsical, and special sayings. Happy Hump Day!

My New Accessory

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 21:58:00 +0000

One of my favorite childhood memories took place at Veteran's Park in Culver City. My brother Jimmy was 7 years old and I was about 10 years old and we decided to launch rockets with our cousin David at the park. It was a whole week of planning and discussion of how high we think it will fly and how far it will go. Yes, we meant business because we had a ride to the park and we were going to take full advantage of the opportunity.

In our biker shorts, hammer pants, and 80s shirt, we saw the rocket took off and chased after it. My uncle documented this event with his Polaroid camera and gave us each a photo next to our rocket. It's still in my family album at my parents' home. Growing up, I remembered looking at the photo often because it reminded me of that moment. It deepened my love for Polaroid cameras and the nostalgic imagery it created.

Hence, I was so darn excited when my new accessory came in. Can't wait to have you by my side!

Living in the Present

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 16:53:00 +0000

Google Reader and Chrome...you both rock my world in different ways.

Without these two, I would not have discovered Marc and Angel Hack Life. Below is an encouraging post from their site today. It is a reminder that the opportunity to enjoy life is now. One of my favorite quotes from this article is by Judy Garland and she believes in living the following statement:

"Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”

27 Healthy Habits of Happiness

1. Look for happiness in the right places. – When we’re young we look for happiness in drugs, sex, alcohol, parties, fast cars, extreme sports, etc. Then when we get a little older, we look for happiness in more ‘mature’ ways – a stable partner, romantic getaways, walks along the beach, jazz music, a night at the bar with some friends. Do they work? Do these things make us happy? Sure they do. They raise our happiness temporarily. But people have a baseline of inner happiness. Certain events and possessions, like an unexpected windfall, might raise or lower our happiness momentarily, but soon we return to our inner baseline. The key is to gradually raise this baseline. Enjoy the moment, but don’t completely ignore long-term goals. What will you be proud to have accomplished, or disappointed that you didn’t do, five years from now? Read The Happiness Project.

2. Acknowledge the lesson is every situation. – Everything is a life lesson. Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc. They’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’ Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way. If you don’t get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting. And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.

3. Be authentic. Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.” Live by this statement. There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes. The only shoes you can occupy are your own. If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing.

4. Move your thoughts beyond obstacles. – Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To different minds, the same world is a hell and a heaven.” Put in an effort to both seek out happiness-boosting experiences and learn to appreciate what you find. There will always be negative obstacles. This will never change. If you focus on them, your world will become Emerson’s hell. The real trick is to learn how to keep moving amidst these obstacles – acknowledging that they’re simply a part of life – and continually seek out or construct experiences that make you happy.

5. Focus on what’s right. – How you view yourself and your world are conscious choices. The lens you choose to view everything through determines how you feel about yourself and the world around you. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective. And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should. Either you succeed or you learn something. So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.

6. Be a part of something you believe in. – This could be anything. Some people take an active role in their local city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in, and others find passion in their careers. In each case the psychological outcome is the same. They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in. This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.

7. Use personal strengths to get things done. – Everyone possesses unique personal strengths. We all have different talents and skill sets. Emotional happiness comes naturally to those who use their strengths to get things done. The state of completion always creates a sense of achievement. If this achievement is based exclusively on your personal ability to get the job done, the psychological rewards are priceless.

8. Focus on quality over quantity. – An excess of things may seem wonderful when you imagine them, but when you actually get them they lose the magic you imagined. Quality and moderation often bring more joy than an excess. The first five pieces of candy always taste better than the rest. And if you eat the whole bag of candy you wind up feeling a bit nauseous. One awesome gadget or tool is often better than five mediocre ones. One great looking shirt often brings more joy than ten from the clearance rack.

9. Avoid negativity and negative people. – Don’t belittle yourself and don’t put up with people who try to belittle you.

10. Appreciate the things you already have. – The road to happiness isn’t difficult. Happiness is not dependent on amassing a certain amount of wealth or notoriety. If you’re always striving for something bigger and better, without stopping to appreciate what you currently have, happiness will remain slightly out of reach. Your current situation may be far from perfect, but if you can detach from your own negative views and appreciate the simple aspects of each moment, happiness becomes easier to cultivate.

11. Instead of searching for passion, live passionately now. – Sometimes we get so wrapped up in ‘finding ourselves’ or ‘finding our passion’ that we forget how this discovery is actually made: By living passionately now. In other words, if you want to find out where your true passions lies, stop looking and simply start living each day with passion and zeal. If you do, self-discovery will come naturally.

12. Savor the joy of simple pleasures. – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the best things in life are free. They come in the form of simple pleasures and they appear right in front of you at various locations and arbitrary times. They are governed by Mother Nature and situational circumstance and captured by mindful awareness. It’s all about taking a moment to notice the orange and pink sunset reflecting off the pond water as you hold hands with someone you love. Noticing these moments and taking part in them regularly will bring unpredictable bursts of happiness into your life.

13. Exploit the resources you DO have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it. Get it?

14. Help others when you’re able. – In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.

15. Live debt-free. – Financial debt causes stress and heart ache. Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means. Read The Millionaire Next Door.

16. Share time with people you love and experience life together. – The quality of our personal relationships correlates directly with our overall sense of worth and happiness. Sometimes in the midst of life’s chaos we forget to do the little things that remind us we’re part of something greater than ourselves. We need a certain amount of meaningful contact with other people to feel fully alive. There are few things more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your family and closest friends who lived these moments alongside you. And remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

17. Be faithful to your significant other. – Sustained fidelity in a long-term intimate relationship creates a healthy foundation for everything else you do.

18. Resolve conflicts with others. – Always forgive people and move on, even if they never ask for your forgiveness. Don’t do it for them – do it for yourself. Get that unnecessary stress out of your life.

19. Perform random acts of kindness on a regular basis. – Pay for a stranger’s coffee in line at Starbucks. Buy the office receptionist flowers just to say, “Thank you.” Help an elderly lady with her groceries. There’s nothing more rewarding than putting smiles on the faces around you. Check out Makes Me Think.

20. Smile more often. – A genuine smile makes you and everyone around you feel better. The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you’re happy. And when you’re happy, your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins. This reaction has been studied since the 1980’s and has been proven a number of times. Bottom line: Smiling actually makes you happier.

21. Be self-sufficient. – Freedom is the greatest gift. Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom. It’s nice to have close friends and family you can count on, but it lifts a huge weight off your shoulders when you know that you could survive on your own if you had to.

22. Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – Happiness comes as a side-effect of learning new skills and challenging yourself. Read, listen, adapt and stretch to accommodate new ideas and new information. When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life. You are simply the product of what you know. The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life.

23. Use your body as it was designed to be used. – Walk, jog, run, stretch, throw things, and lift things. Jump around! Dance! Exercise in the gym is good, but so is making love, exchanging back rubs, or cutting firewood. Your body is an incredible machine and it can be either a source of joy, or a source of aches and pains. It just depends on what you do and how you treat it.

24. Compete only with yourself to be the best you can be. – When you catch yourself comparing yourself to a colleague, neighbor, friend, or someone famous, stop! Realize that you are different, with different strengths – strengths these other people don’t possess. Take a moment to reflect on all the awesome abilities you have and to be grateful for all the good things in your life.

25. Accept things when they are less than perfect. – If you find yourself at a point of intense decision making where you’re caught in a spiral of over-analysis and you’re making no progress, take a deep breath, break the spiral, make an educated guess on the next logical step, and take it. Even if you get it wrong you’ve learned something, which is better than doing nothing. Your failures along the road to your goals are simply opportunities to learn and grow. Remember, the real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done.

26. Make time for fun. – Fun is way underrated. With all of our responsibilities, fun seems like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. It should be a requirement. Ponder what you did to have fun when you were younger and go do it again. Leave the yard un-mowed for a weekend and get out on the town. When you’re older, you will remember the fun, not the freshly mowed yard.

27. Take full responsibility for your life. – Either you take responsibility for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. You must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.

Project Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 19:22:00 +0000

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." - unknown

The last three weeks, I've been working on a writing project and it's currently in the editing phase of the process. I'm looking forward to sharing more details about it soon. In the meantime, I would love to share this inspirational video posted on my buddy Ja Tecson's site. The voice behind the video is Ira Glass and his take on the journey of creative work. Enjoy!

Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.

Kat and Lee - Maternity

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 15:43:00 +0000

One more month till the arrival of their own miracle....I'm genuinely happy for your growing family.

Your daughter is so blessed to have such sweet and loving parents. Much love to the both of you!

To see the rest of the photos, please check out the slideshow below:

Kat and Lee - Maternity

Katie and Mike - Engagement

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 15:20:00 +0000

They met in Junior High and reconnected years later at a wedding.

Much love and congrats to the both of you...looking forward to your celebration of exchanging "I do's"....

To see the rest of the photos, please check out the slideshow below:

Katie and Mike - Engagement

A Repost from Two Years Ago

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 17:10:00 +0000

9/11 - written on September 14th, 2009

During the summer approaching my senior year in college, I was interning in New York City and living at Pace University. It was a group of 30 students coming from all over the states to explore and experience New York City and work in the financial district. Interning at Merrill Lynch, we were also required to take classes at Pace University and the World Trade Center. Along with the classes, we were scheduled every week to attend musicals and plays and visit museums and restaurants.

After 5pm on Mondays and Wednesdays, I can still recall taking the subway to the World Trade Center and weaving my way through the people and observing the shops and restaurants in the center. It was the highlight of my summer to push the elevator button to the 41st floor and being able to appreciate the view of the city while in class.

On my way home to California, I booked a flight with United Airlines. The sky was slightly overcast when I left to Newark International Airport. However, it was nothing unusual since the weather changes constantly in the east coast. When I checked in and sat by my gate, there was an announcement that the flight was no longer taking off at 8pm and it will be delayed till the next morning along with the other flight. Hearing the news, I was disappointed because I wanted to get back home. At the same time, I understood because United Airlines mentioned they were experiencing technical difficulties. My mind was prepared in waiting till the next morning, but five hours later, United Airlines decided to send the LA flight home. We were on standby for awhile, but we eventually took off.

When I landed in LA and picked up my bags, I turned on my phone and checked my messages. Calling my mom immediately, she mentioned how my whole family in Vietnam were worried that I was on United Airlines Flight 93 from Newark International Airport to San Francisco International Airport. Speechless, I turned on the news from my car stereo to discover what occurred.

It was difficult for me to absorb...the date, the timing and the people around me at the gate, who actually flew United Airlines Flight 93. Today, my prayers are sent to those affected by 9/11.

Geraldez Family

noreply@blogger.com (Tam Lontok) — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 04:56:00 +0000

Two weekends ago, the Geraldez family and I met up for a fun family photo session in the lovely island of Kauai. It brings me such joy to document this moment in their life because I can still fondly remember their wedding day two years ago and now, I'm fortunate enough to be a witness of their growing family. Congratulations Geraldez family...it's been a beautiful journey.

To see the rest of the photos, please check out the slideshow:

Geraldez Family