Taikutsu Remedy

I feel guilty for liking Masami Obari

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 04:32:00 +0000

It's no secret that I've largely left the anime fandom due to the overwhelming torrent of mediocrity that has seeped out the industry in past years. In fact, with the exception of the upcoming Persona 4 adaptation, I really can't see myself returning to active participation in the fandom anytime soon.

Given how much I've moaned and groaned about the lack of quality in anime, I must admit, I feel some degree of hypocrisy when I utter the phrase, "Masami Obari is one of my favourite directors."

For those who don't know Mr. Obari, he is pretty much anime Michael Bay; he absolutely loves giant robots and the objectification of women, and he couldn't tell a coherent story to save his life. So, pretty much like the live action Transformer movies, but anime.

If you are unfamiliar with his work, he is the director of mecha anime such as Dancouga Nova and Gravion, both being shows ranking among my top 10 despite no objective merit of their own, as well as horrifying fetish pornography, such as Angel Blade, which Meimi once reviewed, much to her horror and disillusionment.

Obari is a rather strange chap. In the early 90s, he led a revolution in character design and action choreography, resulting in a sea of competitors. However, as these competitors made further strides of their own, Obari stayed with the style he created, ironically looking like an out of date copy in the process. In fact, certain shots have become so iconic of the man, that they appear in nearly every work he's done, almost to the point of self parody.

What truly defines him as a subpar director however, is his complete inability to tell a story. Often times, his works start with interesting plot premises, only to devolve into an incoherent mess with no satisfying resolution. In fact, if anybody can tell me that they made sense of the story of Super Robot Wars Original Generation: The Inspector, then you are a greater man than I.

So yeah, despite being nothing more than cheap fanservice for mecha fans, I love Obari's work. There's nothing of substance in them, but goddamn, are they fun.

And with that, maybe I should apologize to fans of moe. Like them, I too am guilty of loving stuff that is nothing more than vapid, unsubstantial trash. But then again, unlike moe, I can't get arrested for my trash. So no, guess I don't want to apologize to moetards.

So I heard you like Date.

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 05:33:00 +0000

There is a character type I like to call the Capcom Hero; the ludicrously over the top guy who wears ridiculous costumes, carries ridiculous swords, spouts idiotic catchphrases, acts like a dick and thinks he's the coolest thing alive.

In any other world, that guy would either be seen as a douche, or a parody of horribly written Marty Sues.

Yet Capcom continually markets and sells these characters with great success. Devil May Cry's Dante and Sengoku Basara's Masamune Date are what I consider the ur-examples, who are intensely well loved by their respective fanbases. And as much as I like Date and the Sengoku Basara series in general, I've always liked Date on a more ironic level; as a lame, insecure dude who tries so hard to be cool that it somehow ends up actually being kinda cool.

Yet people seem to love these characters completely free of irony. I really do have to ask, why?

This is totally a post of substance!

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 12:27:00 +0000

Last week, I talked about the new My Little Pony cartoon and the fandom that had spawned around it. I particular, I drew attention to the creativity that has seemingly defined that fandom, and their ability to create new content. Well, here's some of that new content; cartoon horses engaged in faux-suicide to the tune of Engrish rap:

Gender Based Marketing - Time for a Paradigm Shift? Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 11:09:00 +0000

Anyone even the tiniest bit immersed in internet pop culture has no doubt heard of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (henceforth MLP) by now. For the uninitiated, MLP is a cartoon show based on Hasbro's long running My Little Pony franchise, primarily targeted at girls ages 3 and up. And it's doing very well in the ratings, both with young girls, and adults, ages 18 to 34, primarily men.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but the MLP fanbase is shitastically huge. The primary non official fansite, Equestria Daily, has garnered a whopping 38 million hits in it's short eight months of existence. Furthermore, it gains new hits at the rate of about 3 per second.

Even more striking than the size of the fandom however, is it's self sustaining, self renewing nature. After the end of season 1 of MLP, the fanbase didn't shrivel like many expected it to, in fact, it expended. In lieu of official content, fans took to simply creating their own. A wealth of fics, vids, art and even games began pouring in. This in turn created a seeming perpetual machine of fandom; the larger it got, the more more people it attracted into it, in turn creating an even greater amount of fan content.

In a sense, MLP is the Western equivalent to Touhou. The difference however, is that MLP holds several key advantages over its Japanese counterpart, outlined below:

Capacity for Monetization

The Touhou franchise is the intellectual property of the one man development team, Team Shanghai Alice. In contrast, MLP is owned by Hasbro, the toy making juggernaut which following the huge success of the Transformers film, is now entering into the entertainment industry with its television channel, The Hub. As a corporation worth billions of dollars, Hasbro has far greater capacity for marketing, merchandising and distributing as compared to a single person.

MLP is not Absurdly Japanese

The other key advantage MLP has over Touhou is that it doesn't have an identity irrevocably tied to its nation of origin. Touhou is ridiculously Japanese, thus meaning its appeal its primarily centered in Japan, with only limited appeal outside the admittedly wealthy island nation. MLP by contrast, can be very easily exported, which Hasbro has already done, having brought MLP to key foreign markets such as Singapore, France and others.

Now consider this; imagine a property with the self sustaining nature of Touhou, but on an even grander scale, effectively marketing towards and monetizing its ever growing fanbase. Surely Hasbro must be swimming in pools of money made from its MLP franchise by now?

But they aren't.

The sudden and meteoric rise in popularity of MLP amongst adult fans was never planned for, and caught Hasbro completely flat footed. Almost a year after MLP debuted, Hasbro has only made very superficial moves towards monetizing this new found fanbase, primarily in the form of licensed t-shirts.

Most interesting however, is that toy sales, Hasbro's bread and butter, has also been fairly lukewarm amongst the adult fanbase.

The reason for this is that the brand marketing for MLP is intrinsically tied to gender. Unfortunately, marketing for girls' toys has been historically been condescending and lackluster. An overabundance of pink is used, cartoon accuracy is sacrificed for supposedly more appealing colours, and gimmicks are often overly simplistic.

In turn, this has severely limited Hasbro's ability to market towards its adult fanbase. Adults, especially men, feel awkward and uncomfortable walking through the girls' toys isle in stores, which are over blindingly pink. Furthermore, cultural bias and preconceptions tend to imply some sort of deviancy, or at worst, pedophilia, to men buying toys primarily targeted towards little girls. For those men who can bring themselves to take the plunge to buy the toys, they are often disappointed due to the low quality of the toys, coupled with inaccurate designs (a common trait amongst most girls toy franchises).

Ultimately, Hasbro's failure to monetize its adult fanbase lies in its failure of marketing. It is still stuck in the gender defined paradigm of marketing its Pony toys solely towards young girls.

I won't pretend to have the answers; I don't know of a truly comprehensive marketing plan that could incorporate both MLP's primary demographic as well as its sizable periphery demographic without compromising one for the other. What I do know however is this; without change, Hasbro is missing out on monetizing what is possibly the most dynamic fanbase it's ever had.

Note: This is part 1 of a two part article. On the next episode, I'll be considering gender based marketing in the context of anime and manga.

My Top 3 List of Things That Should be Adapted into Anime

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 13:30:00 +0000

Despite not having watched anime in over a year, I'd actually like to get back into it...if only something worth watching would actually come out of the decrepit cesspool that is the anime industry of today.

So, in lieu of anything watchable, here's a list of things that would totally get me back into the hobby should they ever be adapted into anime!

3. Yes, Minister

"Open government, Prime Minister. Freedom of information. We should always tell the press freely and frankly anything that they could easily find out some other way."

That's right, I'm starting my list with an old British sit com. Of course, it probably doesn't hurt that said old British sit com is Yes, Minister, easily one of the all time greats of televised comedies.

Even back when I genuinely enjoyed anime, I could never bring myself to like anime comedies, which I always found to be tired, formulaic and frankly, low brow. So what better to revive a tired old industries than a show about old government bureaucrats? Besides, you know you'd love Sir Humphrey-chan.

2. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind

Oh god, I'm in love.

Wait, what's this? Nausicaa is already an anime? In fact, it was the first movie directed by Hayao Miyazaki? Why yes, but what I meant is that I want to see an adaptation of the far longer and significantly different manga version.

Whilst the Nausicaa movie will always remain one of my all time favourite movies, and Nausicaa, my favourite anime character of all time, I can't help but feel its ending was somewhat rushed, amazing though it was. Similarly, I always felt that there was a lot more story to be told about the world. That's where the manga comes in. The point where the movie ends is not even the half way point of the manga! What follows is an amazing adventure that goes far deeper into Nausicaa's character than even the movie managed. Now I know the day will never come, but how wonderful would it be if Studio Ghibli ever decided to make a 52 episode series based on their first ever feature film?

1.Burning Rangers

To the brand new sky we dive! Wings we have of shining white!

Rounding up what is easily one of the more ecliptic lists I've made is the 1998 fire fighter sim, Burning Rangers. For the dirty Communists amongst you who don't know what Burning Rangers is, it's an old Sega video game, where you played as the wondrously cheesy superheroes, the Burning Rangers, a team of futuristic fire fighters in a bizarre society where technology has wiped out all manner of danger or disease, except fires, for unexplained reasons.

If the idea of superhero fire fighters doesn't make you wet with excitement, then I refer you to the Burning Rangers themesong, easily the greatest themesong in the history of the universe:

And if that doesn't make you wet with excitement, then clearly you have forgotten what happiness feels like. Kindly report to the nearest laboratory, you robot.

Transformers: Prime - Review

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 10:26:00 +0000

Wow, it's been some time since I've updated this thing. Oh well, better much later than never, eh? Anyway yes, I am back.

That being said, things are going to be pretty different here from now on. As I have subtly hinted at in the past, I have been growing increasingly tired of anime. In the intervening months since that post, my opinion has not changed. In fact, I don't think I've seen any anime since that post. So where does that leave Taikutsu Remedy? Western animation, games, comics and the rest of nerdom, I guess.

In which I pretentiously insinuate that my time in absence was an epic journey of self discovery in which I drove a bitchin' car.

Now that's out of the way, let's dive into my newest love; Transformers: Prime!

Capitalizing on the massive financial success of the live action movies, Transformers: Prime (henceforth TFP) is the latest in the long line of 30 minute ads masquerading as childrens' entertainment.

The most threatening derp face ever conceived.

Cynicism aside, TFP is nonetheless an amazing show. Produced by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, the writers of the first and second Transformers movie, TFP is essentially what the movies would have been without director Michael Bay. And the result is a smartly written show with appealing characters and amazing visuals.

STORY

The Autobots and Decepticons, two warring sects of sentient toys, have waged battle for millennia, leaving their home planet of Cybertron (sold separately) in ruins. For reasons inadequately explained, they have now found their way to Earth, where they battle for the hearts and minds of children, and the wallets of their parents. Also for fate of the Earth or something, but that's not important.

Childrens' toys dueling under the moonlight.

CHARACTERS

Optimus Prime
The heroic, valiant and chronically noble leader of the Autobots. Look, you know him, you've seen him in the theaters and you probably owned his toy as a kid. Has an annoying habit of doling out inspirational speeches, seemingly on demand. Also has frightfully feminine hips. Voiced by Peter Cullen, Lord of your childhood.

Hey, it's Optim-OH GOD THAT MOUTH

Arcee
Second in command of the Autobots. Arcee is a sarcastic warrior woman who is presumably the robot equivalent of a ninja. Other powers include the ability to transcend the laws of physics, given that she can transform from an average sized motorcycle to a 25 feet tall robot. Voiced by Sumalee Montano, a Harvard educated former investment banker, which is the best former career anyone could possibly have.

whyboner.jpg

Cliffjumper
Voiced by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, which pretty much describes his entire character. Seriously, he's The Rock, but as a robot. It's awesome.

Can you smeeeeeel-you know what? No. I'm not going to do that joke. Finish it yourself.

Bulkhead
The big, lovable oaf of the Autobots. A metalhead with a head of metal, pun! Has tires that are literally five feet long. Voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson.

He's like an onion. On the outside, he's a giant, hulking death machine. But inside, he's a big lovable oaf. A big lovable oaf whose hands are stained with the blood of hundreds.

Bumblebee
The youngest member of the Autobots and the kid appeal character. More or less like his live movie incarnation, but more akin to a robot puppy, and less like the murderous robot with a gimp mask for a face that he was in the movies. Voiced by stock sound effects.

Aww, whose a cuddly widdle alien death machine?? You are! Yes you are!

Ratchet
A cranky medic and general scientist guy for the Autobots. Spends most his time complaining, hating people and breaking medical ethics. Voiced by Jeffrey Combs, who having made a career playing mad scientists, is probably also one in real life.

Unfortunately, Ratchet was not aware that kidnapping was a crime when he brought back his new pet.

Megatron
The evil leader of the Decepticons. Mad and absurdly powerful, his crimes include war, genocide, raising the dead and not brushing his teeth. Once sang an amazing song about summer alongside a pink pony. Voiced by Frank Welker, the richest actor you've never heard of.

His backstory states he once fought on the side of good. The side of good were idiots for ever trusting a face like this. Seriously, who the hell was their HR manager? Dr. Evil?

Starscream
Megatron's conniving second in command. Cruel, cowardly and deliciously flamboyant, he rocks high heels better than anyone. Even women. Voiced by Steve Blum, who you may know from pretty much every anime that's ever had an English dub.

Starscream's heels - pretty much all you'll ever need to know about him.

Soundwave
A voyeuristic pervert, Soundwave spends his time spying on people and recording them. Apparently what would be a crime in any other society is instead a commendable skill amongst the Decepticons, who have him as their chief communications officer. Also, he has no face, try not to get freaked out by that. Voiced by the people he records.

Soundwave can deploy a remote drone from his chest. So technically, he's attacking you with his tits.

Knockout
A flamboyantly gay Decepticon doctor, Knockout is as flaming as a robot could possibly get. Homicidally vain, Knockout's idea of health care is to stick his long, hard drill into people. Voiced by Daran Norris, whose most famous role involved the line, "Now suck my cock."

Who wouldn't want to leave their body in this man's hands?

Breakdown
Knockout's bear. Voiced by Adam Baldwin, apparently the only Baldwin in the known universe who isn't related to those other Baldwins.

Mantits! Glorious mantits!

Airachnid
Cruel and sadistic, Airachnid is about as close to a lesbian serial killer as a childrens' cartoon can possibly get. Spends nearly all of her screen time trying to kill the various men in Arcee's life, presumably so that she can have Arcee's love to herself. Voiced by Gina Torres, who is married to a man who goes around offering pills to awkward computer nerds who can't act.

Love hurts. And she loves SO MUCH.

ANIMATION

Animated by Polygon Studios, the lovely chaps behind the CG portions of Ghost in the Shell Innocence and The Sky Crawlers, TFP is a lovely piece of work. Being a weekly TV show, is is admittedly not as beautiful as the aforementioned movies, but is nonetheless a visual treat, especially when viewed in HD.

OH GOD, DEM LEGS.

Unfortunately, the show does suffer from some of the common shortfalls of the weekly CG shows, such as a limited cast and sparsely detailed backgrounds. The character models are amazingly detailed and intricate, but the cost of such is that there are very few characters given how expensive their models are, resulting in a rather bare cast. Similarly, the locations tend to feel lifeless and barren, a product of the small cast and poorly detailed environments.

You can't see it, but the background is totally featureless. Also, the fat robot is fat.

In contrast, the characters move fluidly, with the bots really coming to life in fight scenes. Polygon Studios are masters of their craft, and it shows when it comes to action. When combined with its epic musical score, the action invokes a cinematic flair rarely seen in weekly television.

She will pay you in rape dollars.

Most impressively however is how humanlike the robots are. Designed with eyebrows and expressive eyes, the robots are able to emote at a level never before seen in Transformers media. Combined with subtle body language, the cast of TFP come off as more human than most humans I've seen in cartoons and anime.

OVERALL

Stuff like TFP are the reasons why I don't watch anime anymore. The writing is far more sophisticated than all but the best that anime has to offer, the animation is beautiful and the voice acting is incredible (and in a language that I understand!).

All attempts to come up with a suitably smarmy captioned have failed. All you see here are the ruins of broken dreams.

Special mention must be given to the voice acting, which is probably the best I've seen in any tv show. Steve Blum in particular deserves a medal. Known amongst anime fans as the voice of Spike Speigel, Blum has reached an even higher plateau of acting, positively owning his role as Starscream. Seriously, I'm willing to contend that the show can be enjoyed even by the blind, that's how intense the audio erotica is.

I realize this is an anime blog, and as a result, most of my readers may not be the target audience of a Transformers show. But if there was ever a time to broaden your horizons, it's now. I guarantee you it's better than most the pedophilic crap that's been coming out of Glorious Nippon. And if you really must insist on maintaining your weaboo cred, it's animated in Japan, so you could just take it as dubbed anime.

As an aside, the sheer amount of homosexual overtones in the show is rather amusing. The Transformers fandom has always been known to have a very strong sub base of yaoi fangirls, and I very much suspect that a few of them have snuck into the writing team. Between Starscream's heels and hooker legs, Airachnid and Knockout, there's no way this can be intentional.

Americans can catch Transformers: Prime on the Hub. Canadians can catch it on Teletoon, though I'm pretty sure Canada is a fictional country. Everyone else can find the show here, though the more noble amongst you can download it via iTunes.

A Rant Regarding Them Gay Folk - Thank God I'm Not American

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 08:06:00 +0000

We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog for a legal/semi-political rant.

Those of you who follow American politics might have heard about the recent case of the three Iowa Supreme Court Justices who ruled in favour of gay marriage who were voted out of court by their fellow Iowans a few days ago.

This is balls crunchingly ridiculous.

Now before you moral guardians out there get on my case, my revulsion with this whole affair has nothing to do with gay marriage. For the record, yes, I do believe gay people have just as much right to be miserable as straight people. But that is not the issue here. Before I am a social liberal, I am both a positivist and a Dixonian legalist; part of what this entails is that I believe the rule of law must stand, regardless of any moral issues I may have with it.

My contention here is that America is the only country I've ever heard of where people vote for judges.

This is insane!

The judiciary is the last sanctuary from politics and special interests. It's very existence hinges on judges being able to make rulings without having to look over their backs to see if they've pissed off anyone. Similarly, the entire reason judges are appointed and not elected are so to keep the judiciary free (or as free as possible) of politics.

As I've mentioned prior, I'm a pretty big fan of the separation of powers. And to see one of the three arms of government metaphorically anally violated like that is kinda depressing.

Anyway, I think I need to veer this blog back into the realm of anime before Taikutsu Remedy gets renamed into Activism Remedy, so uh...dakimakuras suck. Go sleep on normal pillows. Yeah.

I Hate Anime

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 04:51:00 +0000

This is rather embarrassing to admit, but I've finally come to the same realization that pretty much everyone must have had the first time they so much as looked at my blog; I hate anime.

Yes, this is an anime blog. And yes, I watch a metric crapton of anime.

Yet, this doesn't mean I actually like the stuff. No, what this means is that I've been lucky enough to find quite a few titles that don't make me want to smash a kitten's face in with a jackhammer.

I hate anime.

I hate those stupid saucer eyed moeblobs with shit for brains.

I hate those ridiculous 20 minute long porn commercials that pass for anime now.

I hate those filthy child molesters these shows are made for.

I hate the fact that every goddamn show is set in a highschool, again to cater to pedophiles.

I hate those spineless eunachs that constitute male leads in anime.

I hate the desperate, brainless sluts that inadvertently fall head over heals over said eunach.

I hate the entire harem genre in general.

I hate the fact said harem genre even has an audience.

I hate said audience of said harem genre.

I hate that moe is a genre unto itself now.

I hate the moe genre in general.

I hate the fact said moe genre even has an audience.

I hate said audience of said moe genre.

I hate that anime tries to present 13 year olds as sexy and desireble.

I hate that fans accept said 13 year olds as sexy and desireble.

I hate visual novels.

I hate the ridiculous number of visual novel adaptations there are.

I hate all the stupid fads anime fans get sweeped up in, from Haruhi to whatever crap Key is producing at the moment.

I hate that people still haven't realized K-On is a mindnumbing piece of shit.

I hate tsundere.

I hate that entire personalities can be defined in a single word.

I hate that said flat personalities are somehow considered good, or even prefereble.

I hate the idiots who like said flat personalities.

I hate that anime has devolved into an industry that caters to retards, shut-ins and pedophiles.

I hate anime.

Heroman - First Impressions

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 08:30:00 +0000

Japan, thank you. Studio Bones, thank you. And Stan Lee, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Aside from an ill-advised comeback attempt, Taikutsu Remedy has not seen an update in months, due to the fact that I had lost absolutely all interest in anime since late last year. Being awash in the crappy, formulaic, pedophilia of the anime of the past few seasons, I decided it was time to call it quits, and focused my attention and adoration for my other great love, professional wrestling.

Freedom is the only way, yeah!

But all that has now changed thanks to the wonderful people mentioned above. Heroman has singlehandedly rekindled the fire, and so, like a phoenix, Taikutsu Remedy rises from the ashes! And what better way to celebrate this occasion, then with a first impression post of the very thing that made it happen?

Guess what country this show takes place in. Go on, guess.

Now before we begin, there is something I would like to address. Some of you might be scratching your heads as to why Heroman of all things is what brought me back. If the reviews round the net are any indication, Heroman has it's fair share of detractors. In the medical profession, these people are what we call, dirty communist. Heroman is awesome.

Heroman disapproves of those who do not approve of him.

Also, he watches you while you sleep.

STORY

The year, is something. The place, America. Sick of her life as the lead guitarist of a failed girlpop band, Yui from K-On has changed her name, forged a new identity, and flown to Center City, America to begin her life anew.

Stan Lee, in America!

Fearful of her now spiteful bandmates finding her, she now leads a double life as Joey Jones, a geeky loser who lives with 'his' grandmother and attends a local highschool. There, she is lusted over by the head cheerleader, and is constantly bullied by the school jocks. Presumably for contaminating the world with bullshit songs about fluffy times and the shit.

American jocks in their natural environment. Note the tasteless green jacket of the specimen to the bottom right, an evolutionary trait unique to the Rich Bastard subspecies of jock.

Anyway, unbeknownst to the rest of the world, some jerkass scientist who happens to know Yui has accidentally contacted an alien species. And as we all know, aliens are assholes, and so now that they know where we are, they're going to come and destroy us. Thanks professor.

Ok, anyone else getting massive Teppelin and Lazengann vibes here?

In the meantime, as Yui is walking back home, she spots the jocks playing with a toy robot, as jocks in highschool are known to do. Eventually, they break the bot, and throw it in the trash. Being the pitiful carrion crawler that she is, Yui rescues the bot from the trashheap, bestows on it the name, Heroman, and brings it home to fix, in the hope of finally having a friend to talk to.

"And soon, I will have friends!"

Sadly, life in America has done little to fix Yui's moronic clumsiness, and she leaves a window open in her room during a thunderstorm. Naturally, lightning strikes the Heroman toy, gives it powers, turning it to the giant robot hero we will all soon know and love. Because as we all know, that's what lightning does. It gives us superpowers. Because it's lightning. Super lightning.

It's a logical progression.

So yeah, presumably it will then be up to Yui and Heroman to beat up alien bastards. Kickass.

CHARACTERS

Yui Hirasawa
The much maligned lead of some shitty anime that nobody liked, Yui eventually realized that life with her band was a trainwreck waiting to happen. Thus, she wisely decided to cut off all ties with her previous life and start afresh in America. In order to further divorce herself from her past, she now lives under a new name, and even gender.

She now spends her days in Center City as Joey Jones, a loser. So...she's pretty much exactly the same really. Only with breast binding.

No. I haven't forgiven you for your shit music.

Heroman
The titular mecha. Once a lowly toy, Heroman received his kickass mecha powers after being struck by a bolt of lightning. He now spends his days saving the world and staring down on people. May possibly be the American cousin of Dix-Neuf.

Ok Lee, you'd better have a scene where Heroman fights and kills millions of aliens while Fly High is playing.

Lina
The spunky, popular head cheerleader of the local highschool. Despite her social standing, she openly crushes on Yui, the town geek. Obviously she never got the cheerleader memo.

Wait, what!? The cheerleader likes the loser hero!? Right from the start!? What kind of shitty cheerleader are you!?

And in a single line, Yui makes me hate her more then I already do.

Psy
Yui's only friend. That's probably because he's on crutches and can't play ball with the jocks. Bet you he ditches her once his legs heal.

I was going to make fun of his hair, but then again, pretty much every review I've read has already done that. So, uh...um...shut up. I got nothing.

Will
Lina's big brother and leader of the jocks. Spends his free time beating up Yui and gelling his hair. Has a seriously massive sister complex.

Unconvinced by Yui's disguise, Will attempts to rip her jacket off, so he can see them titties.

Prof. Matthew Denton
The retard responsible for summoning the evil aliens to earth. So when you're getting your still beating heart ripped out of your chest by giant cockroach men, it was because of this guy.

The face the doomed the world.

OVERALL

As you'd probably be able to surmise, story is not a strong point of Heroman. The premise is ridiculous and the characters cookie cutter and predictable. However, this does not detract from Heroman. In fact, I would argue it enhances it, as messy plotlines never get in the way of the experience of watching Heroman. And that I believe is what defines Heroman, a show not to be thought about, but to be felt.

Bet you he dies first.

The simplicity of Heroman's story and characters is in fact one of its strengths. Did it ever bother us that no one ever figured out Superman's identity despite the fact that all he did was wear tights and part his hair differently? No! All we wanted was to see the Man of Steel save the world from Lex Luthor's latest dastardly plot. In much the same way, Heroman is a throwback to those simpler times, where heroes were righteous, bad guys were assholes, and all the worlds problems could be solved by punching it in the face.

Just in case you forget, we're American! And we're made by Stan Lee! Who is also American!

And in its simple charm is the magic of Heroman. It was obviously never meant to be deep and contemplative like Ghost in the Shell or Serial Experiment Lain, nor was it meant to challenge and disturb viewers like Perfect Blue. All Heroman sets out to do is to recapture the magic of entertainment of yesteryears.

Yui's grandmother, the coolest human character in the show. Also a midget.

Those of you who can remember the days of Saturday morning cartoons will be familiar with the objectives of Heroman. When we would sit entranced at the screen as Sonic, Captain Planet and other sat morning stalwarts saved the day and delivered a preachy aesop at the end. Heroman condences all those saturday morning elements and repackages it in modern production values, allowing us to relive the experience once again. And with Studio Bones on animation, those production values are bloody good.

Heroman raping a car. What? As if you don't have any weird fetishes!

And that is why Heroman succeeds and surpasses the competition. It does not believe itself to be more then it is. It is well aware of its simplicity and cliched premise, and rather then fight it, it revels in it. Viewers never need worry about plot or motivations, all that matters is that Heroman is fighting evil aliens, and looks hella cool doing it. Now some critics are going to call this mindset childish, and brand Heroman a kids show. But y'know what? Gurren Lagann was also a kids show, so shut up.

NOTE:
I didn't really know where to put this in the review, so I figured I'd just tack an extra note at the end. One of the really cool things that I liked about Heroman is how he's controlled. Yui has a funky arm attachment thing which she uses to control Heroman by pressing a button that tells Heroman to perform an action. The catch however, is Heroman is the one who chooses which button Yui has to press. Essentially, Heroman is the one deciding on his course of action, with Yui authorizing it.

Dial 1 to get Heroman to do what he wants you to tell him to do.

Now most people are going to think that's a pretty redundent control system. What I like about it is how it can be interpreted as a rather simple analogy to the doctrine of the Seperation of Powers, where government power is seperated into three arms to keep each other in check. In this case, Heroman serves as the Legislature whereas Yui functions as the executive.

Heroman always had trouble fitting inside the House of Representatives.

...what? I can't nerd out over shit no one cares about? Bah! If people can jerk off to lolis, then I can jerk off to constitutional doctrines!

Also, I was genuinely surprised that Studio Bones animated this. Between alien Teppelin and Lazengann, and Heroman looking almost exactly like Dix-Neuf, I could have sworn this was a Gainax show.

Ok. There's no way in hell this wasn't deliberate.

Persona 3 Portable is a piece of shit

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:36:00 +0000

Tears over what could have been...

(Beware! Here there be spoilers!)

It is with great sadness and regret that I must utter the following words; I hate Persona 3 Portable.

P3 was one of the greatest RPGs I had ever played, and naturally I assumed that its portable remake would do justice to the game that essentially introduced the Persona series to everyone but the one guy who had even heard of Personas 1 and 2 before 3's release.

However, that was not to be the case.

P3Portable, whilst generally a faithful adaptation of P3, was to feature one significant difference from it's predecessor; the ability to play as the female protagonist.

Naturally this excited me greatly, for in my naivete, I had assumed that by being able to play a girl, I could finally vicariously act out my humongous mancrush on Junpei Iori (the greatest video game character ever conceived) by choosing to pursue a romantic S-Link with him.

However, all my hopes -along with any desire to play P3P- were dashed when I found out that Junpei would not be a romantic option, as it would interrupt the storyline with his girlfriend, Chidori.

Well screw that bitch! It's not like she even alive, let alone still with him by the game's end!

Despite my protestations, Atlus has foolishly decided to deny players the option to romance Junpei, and in doing so, have destroyed any reason for anybody to even touch this stupid game.

Yet, there is consolation to be had, no matter how fleeting. Below are some illustrations of what this game would be like had I been in charge of the S-Links. As you can see, it would have been a much better game, perhaps even perfect. Sadly, it was not to be. But we can still dream my friends, we can dream.

Holy hell it's been ages

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 03:59:00 +0000

Attention! To the two people who might actually still care, I, Snark, have returned from the vast sea of obscurity!

And so, let this land be awash with cheering and dancing!

...yeah.

Anyway, so I'm back, it's been months since I've last posted, and for once, I've got a decent reason for that; it looks like I've entered the fabled burn out phase that every anime fan inevitably faces at some point in their life, where they simply don't have the same passion for stupid, big-eyed Japanese cartoons that they once had.

Over the past few months, I have essentially watched close to no anime whatsoever. For a while, I tried to complete Eureka Seven, but then gave up when I realized that I hated Renton, even after character development, and wanted nothing more then to see Eureka get run over by a truck.

But never fear dear readers! That isn't to say I've given up entirely on anime! For you see, rather then watching crap, lately I've been wasting my money on anime related crap of a different variety; childrens' card games.

Over the holidays I had been introduced by a friend to a Japanese TCG (trading card game) known as Weiss Schwarz. To the uninitiated, Weiss Schwarz is a shitty card game where two players command their legions of moe blob characters from shitty moe shows to do moe battle with one another.

Naturally, I was first repulsed by the idea of playing such a moe-fied card game with people who I could only assume were pedophiles. But then, I had an epiphany; this was probably the only avenue where I could beat moefans and not get arrested for it!

And so began my wretched journey into Japanese card games.

In order to make sure I wouldn't be ensnared by the dread tendrils of moe, I made a promise to myself to only play the Manliest cards I had. And so, I present to you, my deck of moe destruction; the Mighty Junpei Deck!

It is with this indomitably masculine deck that I lay waste to all other, lesser, school-girl infested, unmanly decks.

But yeah, aside from Weiss Schwarz, I haven't really been doing anything anime related to be honest.

Luckily, the manga side of things are looking a bit brighter as I've been closely following Legend of Koizumi and Hayate X Blades; both awesome manga that I'll hopefully be reviewing soon.

Overall though, I've been going very light on anime and manga in the past few months. Coincidentally enough however, my interest in pro wrestling has been enjoying a bit of a renaissance, with me watching a lot more of the WWE as well as independent promotions such as Ring of Honor and Shimmer.

So if anyone is curious about what I've really been spending my time on lately, I've been hunting down videos of the now sadly retired Rebbecca Knox.

In closing, I figured I might as well address something; some of y'all may be wondering how the hell I transitioned from anime to something so disparate as wrestling. Well...LuFisto here may help answer that;

Why Super Robots are superior to Moe

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:51:00 +0000

So I was browsing through the anime bloggosphere when I came across Colony Drop's article on moe. It was a pretty interesting read, but what really caught my attention was the resulting flame war in the comments section.

One thing I noted, was this seeming argument between fans of Manly anime and fans of pedophilic anime, with both accusing the other of shitty tastes for a variety of reasons.

I would like to say that the arguments of both sides are superfluous.

This is not to say that I side with neither one of them; Manly anime is infinitely superior to moe.

However, all the reasons given by it's supporters are ill conceived. The reason why Manly anime is better then moe is so simple, it can be articulated with but a few pictures to illustrate two hypothetical scenarios. So here are the two scenarios, one involving a fan of Manly anime, and one involving a pedophile.

Manly Anime:

Moe Anime:

Anyway, apologies for yet another filler post, I've been having exams for the past two weeks, and literally a day after my last exam, I got hit by a bout of the flu, so as you'd imagine, I'm pretty tired (and still sick). Expect regular posts to return soon, I've got reviews of the Big O and the Girl who leapt through Time coming up, amongst other things.

So I'm finally on this twitter thing...

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 09:47:00 +0000

So after months of procrastinating, I've finally decided to give this twitter thing a shot. So readers, if you're hungry for bite sized micro posts of the non-pedophilic variety, follow my sweet tweets. Also, if any of you have twitter accounts, drop me your username and I'll follow you or add you or whatever the hell it's called.

So yeah, read my tweets. It'll make you a man. This guarantee extends to women; get ready to get yo futa on.

So I called Japan...

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:41:00 +0000

I have accused Japan of pedophilia many, many, many times. And whilst the numerous loli and shota titles that come out of Japan every year seem like irrefutable proof for my accusations, I figured it was only fair that Japan be given a chance to defend itself. And so I decided to give Japan a call...

Critical Eye - Sexy Sailor Soldier

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:19:00 +0000

Looking back at the past year, I must profess that Taikutsu Remedy has succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. It is by no means a particularly popular or well known blog, but it still manages much more hits and comments then I would have expected when I first started writing.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
Happy though I am however, this is not enough. For you see, I am a whore of the highest order, and a whore always wants more.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
Now one thing I've noticed, is that blogs that engage in the intelligent critiquing of anime have been very popular recently. However, I have never written such articles on this blog before, and fans of such have thus remained to me, an untapped market. Nevertheless, as any good whore will tell you, we're willing to do anything for the right price.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
And so with that in mind, I'd like to introduce you to Taikutsu Remedy's newest segment, Critical Eye. Where I, Snark, shall put on my thinking cap and take you on an intellectual, eye opening journey through the infinite complexity of anime!
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
However, as I've mentioned in the past, I am not predisposed to critically analysing anime. In fact, I find the practice rather boring. It was with this in mind, that I realized there was a way to overcome this problem, as well as carving a new niche for myself. And so, I shall bring my full academic prowess into the study of that which I love most. I speak of course, of pornography.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
And so, without further ado, I present to you, Sexy Sailor Soldiers - A Critical Eye.

Sexy Sailor Soldiers is the story of Nami, a big titted waitress who comes across an injured, barely dressed woman, who hands her a mysterious pendent and tells her to, "take her place". From there, Nami awakens to the power of the Sexy Sailor Soldiers, a group of big breasted, scantily clad women, who fight evil demon rapists with the power of boobs.

On the surface, Sexy Sailor Soldiers appears to be an unsophisticated, pornographic take on the sentai genre. A mere excuse to have busty women in colourful uniforms get raped by an assortment of tentacle demons.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
It is only upon deeper analysis that one comes to the realization that Sexy Sailor Soldiers is in fact a metaphor of the tragic existence of the foot soldiers of Japanese capitalism - the salaryman.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
Those who have been to Japan or are versed in modern Japanese life will be very familiar with the concept of the salaryman - a veritable army of faceless, anonymous, uniformed soldiers, armed with briefcases and clothed in black and gray suits.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
When Mani transforms into a Sexy Sailor Soldier, her clothes disappear as she dons her Sexy Sailor uniform. And so, like the salaryman who must forsake his individuality for his work outfit, she too must do the same. It is through the uniform that she discards her identity as Mina, and assumes the identity of a Sexy Sailor Soldier.

With that idea in mind, it becomes apparent that Mina's tits are a visual metaphor for individuality. In the beginning of the film, Mina is a new worker at a maid cafe. When the audience is first introduced to her, she is having trouble fitting her huge boobs into her work uniform.

This I believe, is symbolic of Mina's inability to suppress her true self, and to assume the identity of the maid waitress. And in so doing, so draws a comparison to the young, inexperienced salaryman, who lacks the maturity to suppress his individuality and assume the role of the faceless, anonymous, office worker.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
The metaphor continues as Mina stumbles through the cafe, obviously uncomfortable and awkward in her new work clothes. Ultimately, her inability to suppress her individuality during work is manifest by her boobs proving too big for the constraints of her uniform, and bursting out in full view of the customers. Amidst the shock of her tits bouncing around in full view, she further fails in her duty as the dessert she was carrying flies out of her hand.

Thankfully, some measure of disaster is adverted as another, more experienced waitress, Chisato, manages to catch the flying dessert and save it from spilling.

Like Mina, Chisato's incredibly large tits seem far too big for the tight maid outfit. However, unlike her more inexperienced co-worker, Chisato still manages to keep them from bursting out of her uniform. In so doing, she creates a parallel with more older, more experienced, salarymen, who have learnt to suppress themselves and embrace their anonymous existence.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
After Mina's embarrassing debacle, the film skips to some time after work. As Mina walks home, she encounters a wounded Sexy Sailor Soldier, who gives Mina a pendent before disappearing. Eventually, Mina discovers that this pendent allows her to transform into a Sexy Sailor Soldier, giving her the power to fight the evil demon rapists who presumably infest the city.

Before we progress, I'd like to draw attention to the nameless, wounded Sailor, as I believe she is a vital pillar in the metaphor of the Japanese salaryman. She tells Mina to "take her place" before simply vanishing from existence. This, I believe, is a commentary on the expandable nature of the salaryman.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
It is important to note that she has no name, history or defining feature. Her entire existence is defined solely by her being a Sexy Sailor Soldier. The moment she gives her pendent to Mina, she stops being a Sexy Sailor Soldier, and thus becomes Nothing.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
Similarly, once Mina becomes a Sexy Sailor Soldier, she becomes the woman before her, with the very same powers and abilities. Skill, experience and history are superfluous; in the world of Sexy Sailor Soldier, Mina and the previous Sailor are interchangeable.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
This expandability of the Sailors is draws obvious comparison to the reality of life as a salaryman. Names, skills, personality and history are meaningless. Before Corporate Japan, all salarymen are mere numbers. One salaryman is equal to the other in every way.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
The finale of the film comes as Mina and Chisato are attacked and subsequently raped by demons. At this point, an interesting contrast becomes apparent.

On one hand, they are being sexually assaulted, they fight and protest as they are being pounded by meaty, demon dick. However, it is at this point where the film reveals the ultimate dichotomy of the Sailor Soldiers; it is the demon rape that defines them as Sexy Sailor Soldiers.

Whilst they have magic powers and revealing outfits, neither of these two provide them with a real purpose and identity. It is only by fighting and getting raped by demons that the true purpose of the Sexy Sailor Soldiers is manifest.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
And so, it is thus that the tragedy of their existence is brought to light. They protest and fight against the demon rapist, yet it is the demon rapists who give them their own identity as Sexy Sailor Soldiers. And this is where the film presents its central thesis as a commentary on the Japanese salaryman; much like the Sailor Soldiers, the Japanese salaryman is defined by that which he hates most.

In exchange for giving up their individuality and performing menial tasks, the salaryman is given a given a wage so that he may continue living. And so he does what he hates so that he may continue to exist. Similarly, the Sexy Sailor Soldiers must continue to fight and get raped, for without rape, they are not Sexy Sailor Soldiers. And if they are not Sexy Sailor Soldiers, they are nothing.
NOTE: This post is a parody. Try not to take it too seriously.
Without menial work, there is no salaryman. Without demon rape, there is no Sexy Sailor Soldier.

Air Master - Review

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:38:00 +0000

Given the seemingly never ending stream of uninspired, shitty, pedophilic anime that I am continuously subjected to, it seems wondrous that I continue to deem myself an anime fan. Truth be told, there have been many a time I have wondered to myself if I'd be better off giving up on this self hurting hobby that could possibly get me arrested in some states.

But then, every once in a while, I find an anime so brilliant, so entertaining, so Manly, that it washes away the pedophilic aftertaste of the shows before it and reaffirms all that is good in anime, and reminds me why I love it so much. Air Master, is one such show.

This is what I look like when I watch most crappy anime. Except I'm not a redhead. Or a girl. Or a cartoon character.

Released in 2003, Air Master is the touching story of people getting kicked in the face. Eschewing moe, unrealistically beautiful characters, needlessly drawn out fights and all manner of bullshit that pervades modern anime, Air Master focuses all it's energy on one simple thing; brutal yet beautifully choreographed street fights.

A tale that warms the heart.

One thing that must be kept in mind while watching Air Master however, is that the entire series serves as an elaborate parody, of the fighting genre in particular, and anime in general. The story is paper thin, the reasons for fighting are ridiculous, character's regularly break into long winded speeches on the nature of street fighting, and many characters themselves take common anime cliches and exaggerate them to the point of absurdity.

Violence solves everything. EVERYTHING.

STORY
Maki is a street fighter known as the Air Master, because she utilises an aerial fighting style. She then spends 27 episodes kicking people in the face.

Sometimes, she punches.

CHARACTERS

Aikawa Maki
The main character. A former competitive gymnast, she eventually quit the sport because her sheer build and height had become too great to allow her to continue as a top level competitor. Missing the adrenalin rush of competition, she takes to street fighting. Utilising her skills as a gymnast, she eventually built her reputation as Air Master, an undefeateble street fighter who fights with an acrobatic, aerial combat style.

Maki looking her best.

Maki looking how she normally does.

Nakanotani Mina
One of Maki's friends. Has no real personality. The only things you need to know about her is that she's totally gaybones for Maki, and her boobs are the size of your head.

Reiichi admiring Mina's 'character depth'.

Yuu & Michiru
Two of Maki and Minas' friends. May possibly be a high mind, as they never seem to exert any personality to distinguish the two.

They have different skin tones! They are totally different people!

Inui Renge
A parody of annoying, kid, sidekicks, Renge takes the trope to levels beyond the impossible. Basically only has two states; eating and crying. May possibly be a gremlin.

It is a well known fact that stuffed teddy bears bully children in their spare time.

Sakiyama Kaori
A model and tv personality, Kaori became Maki's self proclaimed rival after Maki and her friends stole the spotlight away from her while she was doing a photoshoot. Completely batshit insane, Kaori makes up for her mediocre fighting ability with sheer force of will. Refers to herself in third person. Easily the funniest and most entertaining character in the show.

Sakiyama Kaori-same demands to be given the spotlight in this screencap.

You can clearly see why she's a model.

Lucha Master
The aptly named master of lucha libre. One of the few characters who can match Maki in aerial combat. Wears a lucha mask EVERYWHERE. Also has a 'battle mask' underneath his everyday mask. A closet otaku. Easily one of the coolest characters in the show.

To be honest, I'd probably cry too.

Sampagita Kai
Lucha Master's younger sister and another practitioner of lucha libre wrestling. Unlike her brother who is a pure lucha wrestler, Kai combines lucha with traditional Japanese pro-wrestling moves. Aside from her brother, she is the only other character able to match Maki in aerial combat.

In one scene, Kai had a flashback of her childhood, where she used to beat up little children while wearing a lucha mask. It was glorious.

Kitaeda Kinjiro
A gang leader from Hokkaido and the show's token gay dude. Kills bears and other assorted animals by punching them. Mainly utilizes fast and powerful punching attacks in fights.

You know you love it.

Yes, yes, you're queer, you're here. WE'VE GOTTEN OVER IT!

Nagato
An absolute giant of a man and Kinjiro's gay lover .

Yuki doesn't like to talk about her life before the surgery.

Sakamoto Julietta
A creepy pedophile whose obsessed with Maki. An extremely high level fighter who is almost completely immune to pain. Fights using the ancient martial art of rape.

It takes many years of training in the mountains to master the art of rape.

Tokita Shinnosuke
A friend of Maki's who fights with a three sectional staff. Has a massive crush on Maki.

...I can't think of a caption, what do you want from me!? You know what? Screw you!

Mishima Reiichi
The sometimes friend of Maki and co, Reiichi fights by using his bike. That's right, he fights with bike-fu. It's awesome.

You have not lived till you've seen a fight between a guy with a staff and a guy on a bike.

ANIMATION

The animation in Air Master can neatly be categorized under two different headings, 'fighting' and 'not fighting'.

The best way to prevent child violence is to teech children to dispense it themselves.

Like Maki herself, the animation comes alive during battle. Fights are fluid, beautifully choreographed, and avoid many of the cost cutting measures seen so often in action anime. Sadly, the screencaps fail to do justice to the fights, so here's a video of one of the early fights to show you just how damn good they look;

Outside of fights however, the animation doesn't fare quite so well. While never horrible to look at, its quite clear what the animation team had to sacrifice in order to have such fantastic fights; animation outside the combat is often jerky, cheap looking and at times glaringly inconsistent. One particularly egregious example would be Renge's pet kitten, which constantly varies in size from an average kitten to that of a goldfish.

So big they have their own noticeable center of gravity.

OVERALL

Air Master is easily one of the most enjoyable animes I've ever seen. Unlike many shows that needlessly complicate themselves with plot and depth, Air Master focuses purely on great fights and delivers in spectacular fashion.

Real life should be like Air Master; we need more kickass warrior lesbians.

Combat is fast, brutal and amazing to look it. One thing I particularly liked is that unlike most action girls in anime, Maki actually looks like a fighter. Whereas most shows feature tiny female fighters who can inexplicably fight people twice their height and many times their body weight, Air Master's lead character is a 6 foot tall, butch amazon who could probably snap you like a twig.

Don't worry Maki, we all love you!

Similarly, the fighting pulls no punches just because some of the combatants are women; fists get bloodied, faces get smashed and oftentimes the loser will be lying in their own sick. Perhaps some viewers might be uncomfortable with this, but I found that in not holding back on the violence for the girls, Air Master was the most egalitarian anime I've seen in a long time.

A punch for equality!

Aside from the fights however, Air Master also delivers in the form of a wickedly devious sense of humour. On the surface, it appears to be little more then a poor pastiche of juvenile toilet humour. The true comedy however, is to be found in how ruthlessly Air Master parodies it's own genre, and anime as a whole.

Where else can you watch a huge schoolgirl fight a Mexican wrestler?

Almost every character serves as a parody of some cliche or archetype. Mina, for example, is essentially the fanservice character gone too far; she has absolutely no personality and has boobs so impossibly huge that one can't help but laugh at them.

God, Renge could induce nightmares.

In similar fashion, the plot itself serves to lampoon the many cliches of the fighting genre. A particularly notable running gag is how needlessly violent most of the characters are. In one of the funniest scenes in the entire series, a character is approached by three prostitutes, who offer their services in exchange for him buying them jewelry. Instead of answering them, he simply kicks them, sending them flying 20 feet away.

HILARIOUS!

Sadly however, despite being very popular in Japan, Air Master didn't receive much traction in the English speaking fandom. From what I've garnered by speaking to other fans, there are two primary reasons; the stupidity of the plot, and the ugliness of the characters.

C'mon! The show's got a raging lesbian! Isn't that enough!?

In regards to the plot, it's meant to be laughable. It is, after all, a parody. Humour is meant to be found in the silliness of a story that should not, in any way, be taken seriously.

No speech about the nature of fighting is complete without an analogy about puppies.

The characters however, are indeed hideous. But given how every other anime features impossibly beautiful people anyway, it can't hurt to at least watch just one show where not everyone could win a beauty pageant.

...she sorta looks cute...kinda...uh...

Air Master deserves a bigger English speaking fandom then it's got. As comedy, it hides a surprisingly intelligent sense of humour behind a childish facade. And yet, despite being a parody, it is also an excellent action anime, with fights that are better then most of the genre it's parodying.

Mina's 'character' in full display.

In closing, you are now obligated to watch this. Take a break from whatever pedophilic moe-fluff your watching and calibrate the Manliness of Air Master. In fact, if you are male, you will no longer be allowed to call yourself a man until you watch this. Similarly, women who don't watch this shall henceforth be referred to by the lesser term of 'wo'. Besides, it can't hurt that Air Master has the coolest ending ever made;

Megami readers are a bunch of pedophiles

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 03:47:00 +0000

So I was browsing through the scourge of the internet for a little bit today, when I came across a most curious sight; a list of the top 10 anime characters as voted by readers of Megami Magazine.

As you'd no doubt surmise from the title of this post, I do not approve. Nonetheless, I'll write down the list, from 10 to 1, in addition to my thoughts concerning each character.

10) Hitagi Senjougahara (Bakemonogatari)
Pretentious pedophile bait.

9) Misaka Mikoto (A Certain Magical Index/ A Certain Scientific Railgun)
Pedophile bait.

8) Kurimu Sakurano (Seitokai no Ichizon)
Pedophile bait.

7) Horo (Spice and Wolf)
Bestiality fetishists bait.

6) Takamachi Nanoha (Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha)
Pedophile bait.

5) Nodoka Haramura (Saki)
Gambling pedophile bait.

4) Katsura Hinagiku (Hayate no Gotoku)
Pedophile bait.

3) Yui Hirasawa (K-On!)
Retard fetishists/pedophile bait.

2) Fate Testarossa (Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha)
BDSM fetishists/Pedophile bait.

1) Mio Akiyama (K-On!)
Extreme pedophile bait.

Goddammit Japan, we all know you think with your dicks when voting in polls like this, but can't you at least vote for a few more characters that are above the statutory age of consent!?

I Endorse Meimi132

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 02:45:00 +0000

There are many great bloggers out in the blogosphere. From Baka-Raptor's comic genius to Kodomut's adorable nendoroid photos, the anime blogosphere is brimming with talent.

There is however, one blogger, who stands head and shoulders above the rest. I speak of course, of the great Meimi132.

Recently, Meimi has entered a most noble endeavour. She has begun a journey, unmatched in scope or gravity. A journey of discovery, of exploration, of soul searching. A journey into the very essence of anime. This is her journey into porn.

Long have I feared that the Dread Tendrils of Moe would envelop the lands, leaving naught in its wake but disgusting, pedophilic childfuckers. But Meimi has risen up against the oppressors. She has shown us the way to the promised lands.

Across the vast sea of the internet, all are but quivering girl childs before her Manliness. By her grace alone, she banishes the darkness, and ushers a new dawn of non-pedophilic pornography. Come my friends, let us join her in her quest. Let us walk hand in hand with the Girl's Guide to Ecchi.

Sora no Otoshimono - First Impressions

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:19:00 +0000

Ever since the days when I was first introduced to anime, I had seen crappy shows. In fact, it seems that I take some bizarre, masochistic delight out of tormenting myself with the latest steaming piles of horse manure that the Japanese anime industry produces oh so regularly.

Yeah! Suck it watermelon! Who's king shit now!?

And yet, despite the hundreds of trails by fire that I've endured, never in my life had an anime been so bad that it caused me to physically vomit. That was until that fateful day I saw Sora no Otoshimono.

...I...I don't even know what the say anymore...

STORY

Tomoki Sakurai is a normal, boring, ordinary high school student. And if anime has taught me anything about Japan, it's that boring, unimpressive, male high school students who barely have a discernible personality, are the most sexually attractive men in the entire known universe.

Of course, none of the girls even seem to care about the resident bishounen. They like their men plain and boring.

So anyway, Tomoki, in all his boringness, has a super hot neighbour who is obviously wet for him. However, like all Japanese high school girls, she doesn't have the balls to just tell him so, and instead expresses her feelings in the form of physical violence.

She's wet! Heheh, I made a double entendre!

Later on, as Tomoki is walking around, all boring and main character-like, a totally titilicious girl falls from the sky. Like a meteor. With tits. A titieor.

Titplosion!

To cut a short story even shorter, the girl then introduces herself as Icarus, and claims to be a, "pet class angelroid," which seems to entail having her wear a leash, grant Tomoki's every wish and act in a manner so subservient it would probably cause an entire room of feminist to spontaneously combust should they ever have the misfortune to see this.

Look at this and weep.

So with his newly acquired wish granting angel, Tomoki proceeds to...commit a wide range of crimes, including sexual assault, public nudity and genocide. And this is all in the first episode...

I must admit that when I die, this is how I want to go.

CHARACTERS

Sakurai Tomoki
The main character. The typical boring high school student who just wants a quiet life. Slightly differentiated from every other harem lead by the fact that instead of being a celibate virgin, he's actually perverted. The only problem being that he's not perverted as in lovable leech pervert, he's perverted as in registered sex offender pervert.

Aww, doesn't he look adorable molesting that woman?

Icarus
The main female character, and a 'pet class angelroid', whatever the shit that means. Like Tomoki, she too has no real personality, and simply exists in order to shower the viewer with moe and boobs. May possibly be an alien weapon.

Yeah, real subtle there Japan.

Sohara Mitsuki
Tomoki's childhood friend and neighbour who inexplicably breaks into his house every morning in order to wake him up. Even more mysteriously, she finds Tomoki irresistibly attractive despite his blandness. However, in Japan, one expresses one's love for someone by violently assaulting them.

Goddammit, why don't I have childhood friends like this?

Eishiro Sugata
An upperclassman to Tomoki and Mitsuki and the president of a stupid little club called, 'The New World'. Generally does bizarre things like paragliding off buildings. Is probably a closet otaku...well, not that closet actually.

...yeah, that's just sad.

Mikako Satsukitane
Another upperclassman, and Sugata's hilariously morally ambiguous friend. Seems to own a private army or something. Has the potential to be the best character in the show, but sadly, doesn't get much screentime compared to the rest.

You gotta love a character who'd happily profit from a friend's death.

ANIMATION

This is what really surprised me about Sora no Otoshimono; the show is absolutely gorgeous it is. The animation is fluid, and the art is beautiful. Special mention must also be made to the many night scenes, as well as many of the closeups of Icarus; the art reaches eroge level quality.

A show that looks this good should not be allowed to be this bad.

Sadly, I can't really elaborate about the art, as I have no formal training in animation and can't critically analyse it. I can however say, that it's beautiful, and is easily the strongest feature of Sora no Otoshimono.

Hey! Tits!

OVERVIEW

Despite how beautiful this show looks, this doesn't change the fact that it's absolutely horrible. The characters are derivative to a level approaching satire, the plot looks like it was conceived by a 5-th grader, and the directing is laughably subpar.

Yup, he's leading her along with a leash. This is obviously an equal relationship.

As I had mentioned above, this show is the first and only anime that was so bad, it caused me to physically gag and vomit. If you're curious, this particular travesty occurred in the first episode, which displayed one of the most inept instances of drama in the history of fiction;

Shortly after discovering Icarus, Tomoki learns that she has the ability to grant him his every wish. Naturally, he starts small, by first asking for money. However, this soon spirals out of control, culminating in him turning invisible and stopping time in order to molest and rape women.

Breaking into one's house to perv on someone is obviously what good friends do to each other.

After his joy filled romp of sexual deviancy, Tomoki jokingly tells Icarus that he wants to conquer the world. He then wakes the next day to discover that Icarus has destroyed every single human being on the planet, so that he may rule it. This is then played completely seriously as a tragic turn of events. Uh...what? Tomoki you dumb shit! You already knew Icarus was powerful enough to MANIPULATE SPACE AND TIME! WHAT THE SHIT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!?

This is a chicken. It too was destroyed. You should feel bad.

So anyway, the earth is now a dead planet, and Tomoki in his grief commands Icarus to kill herself. He then changes his mind 3 seconds later, and lunges at Icarus to try prevent her from blowing her brains out, and cries like a little bitch.

Oh, the angst!

The drama!

Will she do it!? WILL SHE DO IT!?

Nooes! I didn't think you'd try to kill yourself after I ordered you to kill yourself!

Eventually, Tomoki manages to convince Icarus not to kill the shit out of herself, and wishes that this had all been a dream. Lo and behold, the next day, Tomoki wakes up to find out that Icarus had reversed it all and the world is back to normal. And again, he is utterly amazed at her power. Wow, how dumb is this kid?

It reads "Icarus + Master = Fun" I think it was meant to be heartwarming, but I just found it creepy as hell.

Now in writing, I realize that whole sequence doesn't sound quite as horrible as it was. But I must remind, the stupidity that unfolds in those 5 or so minutes are played completely seriously, with naught a hint of acknowledgement at the idiocy or predictability inherent in it. And if anyone is curious, the bit where Tomoki told Icarus to kill herself and then cried like a little bitch when he found out she was actually going to do it was the bit that made me puke out my lunch.

Tomoki, this is you. I crush you! Crush you like a bird!

That little bit of drama aside however, Sora no Otoshimono doesn't really offer much except predictable ecchi humour. You know, the type that has been coming out of Japan for the past 20 years. About the only instance of actual creativity in Sora came in episode 2, which featured a flock of flying...panties. No, it wasn't a high point in the history of anime, but at least I didn't see it coming...

It is my dream to show this to Hayao Miyazaki. Mainly because I want to see a grown man cry.

Another thing that drives me crazy is how intensely dislikeble the main character is. At first, I was happy to see he wasn't another hopelessly shy celibate, but seeing a man commit hundreds of sexual offenses with not a care in the world isn't endearing either. Goddammit Japan! Do you have any other male personality types besides 'eternal virgin' and 'serial sex offender'!?

I feel sorry for Icarus. I feel so sorry...

And yet, despite how utterly horrible Sora no Otoshimono is, I can't quite get myself to completely hate it. As mentioned before, this is a beautiful anime to look at. And perhaps more importantly, there have been brief hints that the series may grow into something far more watchable.

Macross missile massacre! ...either that, or tentacle rape.

The scene where Icarus first falls down from the sky in episode 1 is breathtaking. It is beautifully animated, from the initial explosion, to the falling sky pillars, to Icarus soaring through the night sky. For that brief moment I had forgotten how bad the rest of the show was, and was genuinely enjoying what was unfolding on screen. Similarly, several scenes in the opening suggest that a far more inspired sci-fi epic might be waiting in later episodes.

Why Japan!? WHY DID YOU MAKE SOMETHING THIS BAD LOOK THIS GOOD!?

This of course, does not change the fact that Sora no Otoshimono is currently an uninspired, derirative, ecchi comedy that sets back the feminist movement by 50 years. Yet, I can't help but hold out on that faint glimmer of hope that it might grow to be something more. It is likely that I'll regret this decision, but like how I believe in God, I'm going to believe in Sora no Otoshimono, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Girl it up! - Fruits Basket #4

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:14:00 +0000

Holy shit it's been a while since I've seen an episode of Furuba. Well, I finally got off my ass and forced myself through episode 4, so welcome to yet another addition of Girl it Up!

Experts believe it was these eyes that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Ep 4 opens up in the scenic home of the Sohma household. However, the peace and tranquility is suddenly interrupted by a mysterious stranger at the door.

Tohru's Giant Eye senses are tingling!

Sensing something is amiss, Tohru answers the door, where she meets face to face with a shy, demure, young woman. Tohru however is unfazed; in addition to mass destruction, her Killer Eye has the power to see through lies and deceit, and thus is not fooled by the facade of the woman before her. It is then that the mysterious stranger reveals her true form; a fellow possessor of the Killer Eye.

Before you stand the Eyes that have Felled Empires.

Tohru and the woman then partake in a battle of the Eyes. However, neither woman is able to gain an advantage over the other. Reaching an unspoken respect for each other, Tohru allows passage to the woman, who then...brutally assaults Ichigofrombleach.

Sadly, the anime simply didn't have the budget to animate the apocalyptic battle between the two unholy irises.

Falcon punch!

After the bloodied beatdown (which Ichigo mysteriously survives), the woman introduces herself as Kagura Sohma; yet another member of everyones' favourite family of furries, and Ichigofrombleach's self proclaimed incestuous bride.

What? You don't fling your beloved around like a ragdoll? What are you? Communist?

Seriously Japan, why must every anime romance have incest in it?

Ichigofrombleach however, is less then trilled by her presence. You see, for an unexplained reason, neither Kagura nor the Sohma men change into animals when they touch each other. Yuki and Shigure believe this is just some strange quirk in the curse. But Ichigofrombleach knows the horrible truth; Kagura's a dude.

You feel that Ichigo? That's not a gun.

Kagura don't need no stinking dildo.

Anyway, that's pretty much this entire episode in a nutshell. There's a bit of a stuff where Kagura breaks the Sohma house apart, and has to fix it. Oh, and then Tohru bribes him with riceballs to be her friend.

The wretched union between two bearers of the Unholy Eye. Legends speak that at that very moment, every voice in the universe cried out, "Oh holy shit".

Aside from that though, nothing much really happened in ep 4. It was basically 24 minutes of the same tired joke of, "Hey! It's Kagura! He violently loves Ichigo! HAHAHA!"

Ichigo tasting some Kagura bukake.

Oh, and later in the episode, Tohru talks to Ichigofrombleach and learns that behind his misogyny, he's actually a nice guy, or something. Also, she learns that he was taught martial arts by some master in the mountains. Given the fact that Ichigofrombleach has lost every single fight he's been in, this is not a ringing endorsement for his master.

Dude! You've lost EVERY SINGLE FIGHT you've been in! Your master sucks!

Well, that about covers episode 4. This was pretty much the most boring episode of Fruits Basket so far, which is a shame cause Kagura is actually pretty cool, he's just not that funny when you repeat the same goddamn joke 50 times...

Kagura has several appendages that he can expand.

Oh, and at the end of the episode, Kagura accidentally touches a chick dressed as a dude, and transforms into a boar. It was cute.

Tohru showing Kagura who's boss.

And as always, my thoughts in point form;

Kagura's a dude!
Despite his hidden dick, Kagura is awesome.
...why do I have a sinking feeling that by the end of the series, Kagura will either be loveless, or at least generally unhappy?
Holy jesus shit, Tohru isn't the only one with Killer Eyes!
Ichigofrombleach really, really sucks.
Still no mention of baskets, or the fruits therein.

Happy birthday, me!

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:01:00 +0000

So it was my birthday yesterday, and it was awesome. To be honest, I've never really been all that big on birthdays, but its a great excuse to ask people for free shit.

Anyway, I figured I'd show y'all a comic of the first present I got for the day;

So yeah. On my 21st birthday, my parents decided to buy me a toy. Admittedly, it was an awesome toy though, cause it was this guy;

I actually have no idea who the hell he is, but we're both named Sebastian, and he looks badass.

And then some of my friends gave me presents too, but their presents sucked, cause they were dirty communists.

Oh, and while we're at it, Taikutsu Remedy has also turned one year old recently! It was on the 12th of October last year where I made my first ever shitty post.

So yeah, I'd like to thank all my readers for pretending to care about the stuff I wrote about for an entire year. Anyways, I'd like to write more, but I'm suffering massive writers block right now, so I'll just leave it at that. Thanks y'all.

Anime and the Violence of Homophobia

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:14:00 +0000

Anime has never been the most progressive of art forms. Of course there are some productions that break societal norms, but as a whole, anime has generally been surprisingly, at times even offensively, regressive.

One particular area that I wish to focus on for this post, is that of th violent reactions of characters in response to homosexual advances that is so common in anime.

With the new season underway, I have heard quite a few good things about A Certain Scientific Railgun, and have recently watched the first two episodes. Overall, it's not bad, I'm probably not its primary target audience, but I can see some of the appeal. That said however, one aspect of the show that I've found strongly objectionable has been Mikoto's oftentimes violent reactions to Kuroko's sexual advances.

For those unfamiliar with A Certain Scientific Railgun, Mikoto is a teenage girl with awesome psychic powers, and Kuroko is totally gayballs for her. And in her gayness, Kuroko oftentimes tries to bed Mikoto in ways that border on the absurd, which generally results in Mikoto pummeling her, either physically or with her bullshit magical lightning powers.

Now this almost always played for comedy, and that is partly what I find so objectionable about it. I feel as if A Certain Scientific Railgun trivialises the very real violence that homosexual men and women are often met with for no reason save their sexuality. Sadly, I can't recall particular titles at this moment, but this is not the first show I've seen that answers all homosexuality with violence; many anime in the past have had straight heroes physically assaulting homosexuals for the 'crime' of being attracted to them.

In Australia, the case of R v Green illustrates the frightening reality of violence against homosexuals. Quickly summarised, the accused, Green, had brutally killed a friend for making homosexual advances to him. In the case, Justice Kirby said;

"In my view, the ‘ordinary person’ in Australian society today is not so homophobic as to respond to a non-violent sexual advance by a homosexual person as to form an intent to kill or to inflict grievous bodily harm. He or she might, depending on the circumstances, be embarrassed; treat it first as a bad joke; be hurt; insulted. He or she might react with the strong language of protest; might use as much physical force as was necessary to effect an escape; and where absolutely necessary assault the persistent perpetrator to secure escape."

Sadly, as is often the case with the law, common sense did not prevail in this case, and the High Court held in favour of Green, with Chief Justice Brennen arguing;

"The provocation was of a very grave kind. It must have been a terrifying experience for the appellant when the deceased persisted. The grabbing and persistence are critical. Some ordinary men would feel great revulsion at the homosexual advances being persisted with in the circumstances and could be induced to so far lose their self control as to form the intention to inflict grievous bodily harm. They would regard it as a serious and gross violation of their body and their person ...

The deceased’s actions had to be stopped...

A reasonable jury might have come to the conclusion that an ordinary person, who was provoked to the degree that the applicant was provoked, could have formed an intent to kill or inflict grievous bodily harm upon the deceased...

A juryman or jurywoman would not be unreasonable because he or she might accept that the appellant found the deceased’s conduct ‘revolting’ rather than ‘amorous’."

Thankfully, the High Court had not been entirely bereft of reason. Justice Kirby, dissented against the absurdity of this decision;

"In my view, the ‘ordinary person’ in Australian society today is not so homophobic as to respond to a non-violent sexual advance by a homosexual person as to form an intent to kill or to inflict grievous bodily harm."

He then brings illustrates the logical conclusion of the High Courts' decision;

"If every woman who was the subject of a ‘gentle’, ‘non-aggressive’ although persistent sexual advance, in a comparable situation to that described in the evidence in this case could respond with brutal violence...

Any unwanted sexual advance, heterosexual or homosexual, can be offensive. It may intrude on sexual integrity in an objectionable way. But this court should not send the message that, in Australia today, such conduct is objectively capable of being found by a jury to be sufficient to provoke the intent to kill or inflict grievous bodily harm. Such a message unacceptably condones serious violence."

So why did I share that overly long story about the law? Well, firstly, cause I'm a dick, and I wanted to show off my awesome legal knowledge. But more importantly, I wanted to highlight the kind of homophobia that still exists in society today, even in the minds of such highly educated individuals such as the former Chief Justice of Australia himself.

And with that in mind, I guess my point would be it'd be nice to see a little less homophobia in anime. I know anime really isn't the harbinger of social change, but it'd be nice if everything I watched wasn't a guilty pleasure that nevertheless insulted my more objective sensibilities.

C'mon Japan, I'm the guy who openly enjoys shows about naked women who fight by lactating on each other, it's not a good sign when you can produce shows that offend even me.

Shin Mazinger Z - Greatest Anime Ever Made

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:35:00 +0000

Tastes in anime, as in all things, can vary widely from person to person. It is with this universal truth in mind, that I try not to judge others over what shows they like or dislike.

That's right, Zeus is doing a rocket punch by throwing his own severed arm at someone.

Admittedly, I call people who like moe shows pedophiles, and I think that people who like comedic anime have a shitty sense of humour, and people who like romance are pussies, and people who like philisophical anime are pretentious bastards, and people who like horror need to find something better to do with their lives, and people who like samurai or ninja shows are weaboos, and people who like anything I don't like are idiots, but overall, I try not to judge.

This is how real men fly.

There is however, one exception that I must take offense to. And that is how few people have even seen last season's Shin Mazinger Z. As far as I'm concerned, not watching Shin Mazinger should be a capital offense.

STORY

Anyone familiar with 1970's Mazinger Z will have...absolutely no idea what the hell the story is. Shin Mazinger Z is not a remake, but a complete reimagining of the Mazinger saga, under the helm of Yasuhiro Imagawa, director of G Gundam, Giant Robo and Tetsujin 28-go. He also goes by the names of Yahweh, Allah and Jehovah.

It is my goal in life to one day be able to scream out, "Breast Fire!" and be taken seriously.

On a very, very superficial level, Shin Mazinger Z is the story of Kabuto Kouji, who pilots Mazinger Z to defend the world against the evil Dr. Hell, who wants to take over the world for cliched bad guy reasons.

Boob missiles. Just as useless as ever.

The true story of Mazigner however, plays out in its extensive mythos; the blood stained history of the Kabuto family, the mysterious Mycenaens, the God Zeus, Dr. Hell's true plan and Nishikiori Tsubasa's connection to all of them, all form an intricate and complex backstory that gradually unfolds until its ultimate reveal in the final episode.

Move bitch! Outta the way!

Perhaps rather unexpectedly, if I were to compare Shin Mazinger's story with any other recent anime, it would be Death Note. The entire battle between Kouji and Dr. Hell is little more then a grand game of chess between Tsubasa, Dr. Hell and several other characters (who can't be named for spoiler reasons), all of whom are masterminds of the highest order.

Lookit' my foot!

CHARACTERS

Kabuto Kouji
The eldest grandson of the great, if moderately insane scientist, Kabuto Juuzo. The achetype upon which all hot blooded mecha pilots are based. Cool and likable though he may be, he's not so much the main character, as he is the guy who pilots Mazinger Z, and is thus only important by association.

As hotblooded as they come.

Nishikiori Tsubasa
In my opinion, the true main character of the series. Tsubasa is the mysterious owner of a bath house staffed by a group of insane badasses, who has a long history with the Kabuto family, Dr. Hell and the Mycenaens. A shrewd tactician, master manipulator, brilliant biologist and an unstoppable badass with both the knife and the machine gun, Tsubasa is easily the greatest female character anime has ever produced. Hides a mysterious secret, like almost every other character in this show.

She's a scientist. She does science things.

Kabuto Shiro
Kouji's younger brother. A little bitch.

Shiro learnt the hard way not to walk in on grandpa during his 'adult time'.

Kabuto Juuzo
Kouji and Shiro's grandfather, and the creator of Mazinger Z. A prior associate of Dr. Hell, he was instrumental in finding the mechanical beasts that Dr. Hell would later use to form his army. Hides a mysterious secret, like almost every other character in this show.

Hey, he's a world reknown scientist. He can wear whatever the hell he wants.

Yumi Sayaka
Kouji's love interest and pilot of the perpetually useless Aphrodite A. Later upgrades to Venus A, which is just as useless (though it does get a cowboy hat, which is pretty cool).

At times, when no one's watching, Sayaka likes to pretend she's actually important.

Yumi Yanosuke
Inexplicably famous and respected robot scientist, and Sayaka's father. Despite his fame, he is obviously irrecoverably incompetent, as he is the creator of the ludicrously useless Aphrodite A. Hides a mysterious secret, like almost every other character in this show.

Heil, mein Fuhrer!

Boss
Apparently, he is reknown as the leader of all the high school delinquents in Japan. Is Kouji's somewhat rival. Pilots the Boss Borot, which is positively badass when compared to Aphrodite A.

Boss puts on his rape face.

Nuke & Mucha
Boss' most trusted bitches. May or may not have a mancrush on Boss.

Shiro, glad to meet the only two characters who are less important then him.

The Three Professors
A trio of perverted and sometimes pedophilic professors. They build a few upgrades for Mazinger as well as the robots Million α, Baion β and Daion γ, a bunch of borderline useless robots which are still awesome when compared to Aphrodite A.

Truly this was a dark day for science.

The Kurogane Five
Tsubasa's loyal entourage. They are all former gang members whom Tsubasa saved from the brink of death. The five of them comprise some of the most unbelievably badass characters in the series. Yes, even the old woman. Especially the old woman.

This man will beat the shit out of you.

You wish your girlfriend was as hot as this.

Boys fight tigers. Men fight other men on tigers.

Sadly, even the Kurogane Five weren't free of the dreaded pedophile virus.

Words simply cannot express how awesome Django is.

Dr. Hell
The hilariously named main antagonist of the series. Like Tsubasa, is a cunning mastermind who is engaged in a battle of wits against her and her forces of the vaguely good. He commands the mechanical beasts, relics of the now evanescent Mycenaens. Hides a mysterious secret, like almost every other character in this show.

Seriously, why the hell would any university admit this man!? HIS NAME IS DR. HELL!!

Baron Ashura
Dr. Hell's most loyal servant, Ashura is a bizarre half man, half woman hybrid thing. Simultaneously powerful and pathetic, Ashura is easily one of the most engaging and even relatable villains in recent anime. Hides a mysterious secret, like almost every other character in this show.

It's ok to touch yourself. I know you want to.

Count Brocken
Another loyal servant of Dr. Hell and a rival to Ashura for Dr. Hell's affections. Neither as important or as interesting as Ashura, but gets brownie points for basically being a headless, Nazi zombie.

I want to give Go Nagai a goddamned medal for coming up with Count Brocken.

Viscount Pygman
Dr. Hell's hilariously politically incorrect African servant. Unlike Ashura and Brocken, Pygman fights through the use of African cliches such as voodoo magic and wild animals. Is the closest thing to an honorable person in Dr. Hell's army.

He's not even actually black.

Detective Ankokuji
A detective investigating the Kabuto family, he eventually gets caught up in the battle between Tsubasa and Dr. Hell. Has a really creepy doll fetish. Hides a mysterious secret, like almost every other character in this show.

I swear! This is all part of the investigation! ...Don't judge me.

Gamia Q
A group of nudist, assassin robots used by Dr. Hell. One of them becomes important later. The rest...not so much.

Seriously guys, she's not that hot.

ANIMATION

The only aspect of Shin Mazinger which isn't excellent. Whilst never bad, the animation is never spectacular. From what I've heard, Shin Mazinger was basically animated on a shoestring budget, and Imagawa has actually done fantastically well given how little money the project was given.

Where's your moe now, bitches!?

Animation aside however, the visuals are still fantastic. The thick lines and strong colours are strongly reminiscent of 1970's anime, which pays a fitting homage to the original Mazinger.

No touching!

Also, I shouldn't have to speak the obvious, but Imagawa is a creative god, and Shin Mazinger bears many of the hallmarks of that. Unique mech designs, creative visuals and attacks that are simply beyond the impossible are all present.

Giant robot rape. You saw it first on Shin Mazinger folks.

OVERALL

Shin Mazinger is one of those rare breeds; a show that combines over the top action, intricate story telling and deep, poignant characters. It is a testament to all the great things we have come to love about anime.

That's right. Mazinger Z, the robot that turns into a giant fist, is riding a giant fist.

Ironically, despite being a retelling of the grand daddy of all super robots, Shin Mazinger Z eschews many of the most established super robot tropes. Gone are the monsters of the week and the simplistic good vs evil storylines. In their places are a complex, multi layered story with characters who often straddle the fine line between good and evil.

Seriously though, how could anyone trust a man who looks like this and is named Dr. Hell??

This I believe, is Shin Mazinger Z's greatest strength; it's ability to appeal to far more then just super robot fans. For fans of the genre, they will find everything they love about super robots, in a form of such concentration not seen since GaoGaiGar. For viewers who don't necessarily like super robots (i.e communists), they will find a poignant, intricate narrative, free of many of the super robot tropes that non-fans often find unpalatable.

Only Gods are allowed to look down on Mazinger Z.

And in regards to characters, special mention must be given to both Nishikiori Tsubasa and Baron Ashura. Like a shining beacon amongst the useless moe filth that pervades anime, Tsubasa shows us what its like to be a real woman; ruthlessly intelligent and unapologetically badass. But the real spotlight must go to Baron Ashura, whose tragic circumstance of having his loyalty torn between Dr. Hell and the Mycenaens is one of the most masterfully penned storylines I've yet seen in anime. Both these characters are some of the most memorable in all of anime, and deserve a place in its annals of history.

Mazinger Z is also a useful vessel for smuggling refugees.

Despite its surprisingly deep storyline and characters, Shin Mazinger is, at its core, a super robot show; its action is unashamedly insane and over the top. Nearly every character is a super human badass. And Mazinger itself, has one of the coolest and craziest attacks in super robot anime; the incomparable Big Bang Punch.

And thus, my life was complete.

This is, in my opinion, the best anime of this year. In style, concept and execution, it is nothing short of a masterpiece. The great tragedy is of course in how few people have seen, or even heard of it. Shin Mazinger Z is 2009's answer to Gurren Lagann, and it deserves just as large an audience.

Sacred Blacksmith - First Impressions

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 05:27:00 +0000

Regular readers of my blog should be well acquainted with my love of strong female characters. So I guess it came as no surprise when I decided to pick up The Sacred Blacksmith, despite how utterly cliche it looked.

It's a lie!

...at least, I thought the main girl looked pretty strong from the pictures. Oh god was I wrong there...

Come sample my many fine rocks!

STORY

Following the sparsely detailed death of her father, young Cecily has become the new head of the House of Cambell, a prestigious family of knights with the world's dumbest coat of arms. Anyway, so Cecily is the latest knight of Cambell. Only problem is, she sucks. Big time. Like, if she was in an RPG, her level would be in the negatives.

A brave Knight of Cambell

So anyway, Cecily sucks. And in her suckiness, she gets her ass kicked by a mook and her precious family sword is broken. Luckily, Luke, a pedophilic blacksmith, saves her life. She then befriends the guy and asks him to make a new sword for her, sadly unaware of the fact that a better sword isn't going to make up for the fact that she fights about as competently as...as...oh god, I can't think of a single comparison to make that wouldn't be insulting to said object of comparison. Look, she sucks.

Yeah, don't expect to see Cecily doing this for a while. A long while.

So that's about it really. There were some generic anime shady guys who hid behind generic bushes and spoke generic cryptic garbage about some generic evilness which will presumably be important later, but little actual detail has been revealed on that.

Generic White Haired Evil Guy vs Generic Lead Male Guy

Oh, and Luke's big gimmick is that he forges katanas rather then European swords. And in keeping with Japan's famous cultural humility, katanas are infinitely stronger then their European counterparts in the world of Sacred Blacksmith.

What? You've never been to England? You see katanas EVERYWHERE over there.

CHARACTERS

Cecily Cambell
The main character. A knight and head of the House of Cambell. Despite being a knight, she's horrible at sword fighting. On the plus side though, she's pretty brave, if monumentally stupid. For reasons unexplained, she dresses in some bizarre knight/maid hybrid outfit. Also has a ludicrously stupid coat of arms.

Ahh, random townsfolk, what would the fantasy genre be without you?

Luke Ainsworth
Presumably, the titular sacred blacksmith. Is technically not a blacksmith given the fact he makes swords through magic rather then actual smithing. Is a huge jackass who's generally rude and dismissive. Unlike other blacksmiths, he forges katanas, which are much, much stronger then their European counterparts. Ahh, Japan, you so humble! Is also the local pedophile who lives with an underage girl.

Luke's power of antisocialness negates all attempts to communicate with him.

Guys, I'm totally not a Gary Stu! Now check out my magical flame katana.

Lisa
Said underage girl that Luke lives with. Has no real personality outside of generic cuteness. Is probably an elf or some shit. Aside from being the object of his lust, she seems to help Luke with his magic (i.e cheating) smithing by providing a magical flame or something.

Oh, I wasn't included sole to appeal to the pedophile audience! Honest!

See? That's a katana. It's better then your silly white man sword, cause it's Japanese!

ANIMATION

Animation was surprisingly fluid and fun to watch. Admittedly, first episodes tend to look better then mid season ones, but if the series can maintain this level of animation, it should prove to be one of the nicer looking shows this season.

In what is quite possibly a first in action anime, Cecily even lost to the very first grunt she fought against.

Colours are bright and vibrant, though backgrounds are pretty boring and uninspired. Similarly, whilst the character designs are distinctive enough, they're fairly standard medieval fantasy fare.

I'm totally forging a sword guys!

OVERALL

Honestly, I'm really not too sure what to think of this. I watched this basically to see a strong female lead kick ass; episode one definitely didn't deliver on that. For now though, that's ok; she still has time to grow. In fact, Gunbuster's Noriko Takaya, one of the most badass female characters ever, was a useless pile of incompetence for the first half of that series. So hopefully Cecily can take a page out of her book.

Cecily's knowledge on weapon maintenance was sadly lacking.

The main problem however, is that not only is Cecily weak as shit, there's really almost nothing redeeming about her character. Admittedly she's brave in that she never backs down from a fight, but she does it to the point of sheer idiocy.

"Guard Save Believe"?? What kind of shitass motto is that!?

Don't worry Cecily! There'll come a time when you won't suck! Believe in me who believes in you!

Actually, the glasses girl is just trying to make you feel better; you're doomed to a life of suckage.

Similarly, it's difficult to take her seriously because of how goddamned fetishized she is. Just look at her outfit! She looks like a bizarre armoured variation of a French maid!

Maid...Knight...same shit really.

And besides, how could a character come off as respectable when the viewer is bombarded with scenes like this;

The other characters really don't fare much better. Luke is the generic rude, angsty guy with a mysterious and likely tragic past, and Lisa is typical genki loli fare. There's another major character who hasn't been introduced yet, but she looks like the standard gentle healer achetype.

Luke wasn't the only one getting annoyed with Cecily.

Mr. Luke, please put your pants back on.

And this is the main problem I have with the Sacred Blacksmith; everything is boring and uninspired. The show admittedly looks pretty, but it's not like it's anything we haven't seen before.

Im'ma show you my K-On face.

The world is cliched, the characters are boring and the plot really doesn't look like it's going to break new ground. Quite frankly, the only saving grace this show really has is it's main character, who so far, has been an utter disappointment.

Curse you overpriced rocks!

If you have nothing better to watch this season, give Sacred Blacksmith a look, maybe you'll find some value in this. If you don't have much time to watch anime though, save it for something else.

Must...find...a way...to get...out of this show!

On the Dread Tendrils of Moe - The Great Moe Conspiracy

noreply@blogger.com (Snark) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 11:32:00 +0000

Ladies, gentlemen, friends, comrades all. It saddens me to be the bearer of grave news; several months after Taikutsu Remedy bravely declared war on moe, we have made little to no progress in this, the greatest battle for our survival.

The Dark Forces of Moe continue to encroach upon our lands. From our lonely battlements, the sun seems ever fainter. Soon, the Darkness of Moe shall envelop all. Yet, at our darkest hour, we have chanced upon a glimmer of hope.

Like a candle in the dark, it's light is small and fragile, yet even the tiniest flame can banish the darkness. My friends, we have uncovered the plans of our enemies; the Dread Forces of Moe.

We have long known that they sought to envelop and bind us in chains of moe bondage. But now, we know their battle plan; they seek to tear down the men of the world, so that we will be too weak to stand against their evil.

In a previous post of mine, I mentioned my love of Queen's Blade. To which Meimi replied;

"Of course you endorse it, why in gods name wouldn't you?! You're a guy!"

In response, I lamented that whilst I liked Queen's Blade, many men did not, despite the fact that it was practically tailored for a male audience. In fact, most man I talked to professed a preference for moe shows like K-On! and Saki over Queen's Blade.

It was then that I realized, this was the very evil of Moe made manifest!

For years, the Dread Tendrils of Moe have been hard at work, changing man. Brainwashing him. Where once the proud men of the human race would gladly flock to an anime about naked women fighting each other, they now instead focus their attention on underage girls acting cute and playing music.

The time of Man is gone. Now is the age of the pedophile.

And this, dear friends, is the Wretched Legacy of Moe.

We must rebuild my friends! Remember the Golden Age! Where anime did not sexualize little girls, but instead entranced viewers with the bouncing tits of busty, adult women! Remember the times where men were men, and women were also men!

My friends, we now know that moe seeks to destroy our very concept of manhood, and replace it with a false idol of its own design. And for too long have we played into their hands. But we shall do so no more! We must destroy the agents of moe! And upon their ashes shall we rebuild our Alter of Manliness.

Long live Queen's Blade!

Long live non-pedophilia!

Long live the Age of Man!

We.

Shall.

Rebuild.

(As an aside, I've got a new poll up on the top right. Feel free to vote)