The Bilerico Project

Whose Day of Remembrance?

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 16:00:00 -0500

This year the Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) lists 162 trans people killed. That's over 3 a week. The number is significantly higher than previous years (which had generally been between 20 and 30), and most people are attributing that to being able to better track trans murders, especially those outside the U.S.

When faced with this overwhelming sense of reality, it's understandably difficult to know how to react these deaths. However, more and more often we hear about events put on by cis-led LGBT organizations that utterly miss the point and border on offensive. This year, the Gay Alliance of Genesee Valley (GAGV) has caught a lot of attention for their TDOR event, which is a comedy fundraiser headlined by a non-trans performer. It's a move being highly criticized in the trans community, even being called "a minstrel show."

I can't do much more but shake my head in shame. Yet it leaves me questioning the role of Transgender Day of Remembrance in the larger LGBT movement and the role of cis queers in the event.

Continue reading "Whose Day of Remembrance?"...

As Different as the Next Girl

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:00:00 -0500

Sparked by a trans woman's call for submissions for a zine titled "How to F*ck a Trans Woman," I recently wrote a piece about trans women's sexuality and specific things to consider when getting sexual with a trans woman.

I got it published in an online magazine I started writing for, Sexis: Sex and All Things Sexual, and since they are actually paying me for it, I feel obligated to point you to their page rather then reprint the entire article here.

You can read As Different as the Next Girl there, but I am happy to post an excerpt of the beginning after the cut.

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The Murder that Didn't Happen

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 11:30:00 -0500

Last week I wrote about the reported murder of a young trans woman. But as time went on and the facts could not be verified, suspicions rose about whether it could be a hoax. There is now verification that it did not happen, but hoax might not be quite the right word to describe what happened.

Edeyn Blackeney , the individual who was known to the world as Raychel 'Roo' wrote an apology letter explaining that she has a form of Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder, and that Raychel was one of her personalities.

This whole situation has brought up a lot of emotions in our community and clearly people are still feeling a lot of pain, frustration, and anger. Personally, I'm not unfamiliar with DID/MPD, having multiple people who are important to me in my life who live with it. In this case it sounds as if there may be additional psychological factors as well, regardless, Edeyn was pretty clear to say that she genuinely believed that Raychel had been murdered and did not intend to frighten or upset anyone.

I hope to write in more detail on this, later, when I have more time and a chance to gather more information. For now, I hope we can take this as an opportunity to reflect about our community, how we respond to situations like these, and perhaps taking this as a reminder for the need of publicly accessible and non-discriminatory mental health support.

See Update -- Another Brutal Murder

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:00:00 -0500

Further Update: There is now concrete evidence that this murder did not happen. For more details see an updated post

Update: As pointed out in the comments below, the original source on this story has pulled it because they cannot verify that this is not a hoax.

I myself remain curious. I agree the lack of verification from a mainstream meadia source is very suspicious, but I would like to point out that it is not unheard of for teenagers to get SRS. Additional, while I recognize it may not be entirely rational, I've had too many poor experiences with the mainstream media not to be skeptical of relying on them as a baromoter of the truth. For right now, though, the possibility this is a hoax is quite high. I'm heading into the woods for the weekend, hopefully we will have concrete evidence one way or another by the time I get back.

Regardless, I'm leaving the original post will remain here as documentation of this event.

It hasn't made it into the news yet, but yet another trans woman has been killed. Raychel was 18 years old. While there hasn't been any mention in the media yet, she was apparently a teen moderator of a trans support website. It's through this website that her murder was announced by one of the other moderators, Laura, who also mentioned "Rachel saved many transgender teen lives here."

Additional background and details under the cut, and a warning of graphic violence that may be triggering.

Continue reading "See Update -- Another Brutal Murder"...

The Advocate Joins in Transphobic Media

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 11:00:00 -0500

It was bad enough when the New York Post ran the transphobic article "Wedding Crashers" which erroneously describes a trans woman and her cis male partner, Kimah Nelson and Jason Stenson, as a gay couple and how they "duped" the government into giving them a same-sex marriage.

But then the Advocate repeated the story uncritically parroting the same anti-trans message. After some complaints, they've removed the male pronouns referring to Kimah but rather than replacing them with female pronouns they opted for no pronouns.

However, the article still uses Kimah's birth name rather than her preferred name, still describes them as a same-sex couple, still dehumanizingly describes the status of her genitals, and still claims that the couple "fooled" the officials, perpetuating the transphobic fear that trans people are "fooling" people when we say we are the genders we identify as -- the very same fear that gives rise to the trans-panic defense for hate crimes and murders. The effect is clearly visible just by reading the comments this story is generating. Do we seriously need a GLAAD action alert before the Advocate will retract this anti-trans framing of the story or even just follow Associated Press guidelines for reporting on trans people?

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My Own Adoption Deemed "Confidential"

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 16:00:00 -0500

When second parent adoption became legal in Oregon I was 16. My parents and I jumped at the chance to be legally recognized as a whole family. Within that process, we had the chance to change my name. Since I had always gone by my middle name, Tobi, and never liked my first name, we decided to legally drop that first name.

Now I find myself needing proof of that name change, and after updating my birth certificate, the only proof in existence is the adoption papers. But when I went down to the court archive to pick up a copy, I was told that they were confidential -- only the adoptive parents or their lawyer can access them. Apparently, being the one who was adopted wasn't enough!

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My Two Moms <3 Their Trans Daughter

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:30:00 -0500

I consider myself really blessed to have such a strong queer family. Recently, I got a chance to interview one of my moms about being a lesbian mom of a trans daughter for the public radio program Story Corps. A 4 minute version aired locally, but you can listen to it or the entire 50 minute interview from my mom's website. If you've got the time, it's quite interesting.

PFLAGers have long known that protective parents can be a powerful force advocating for their LGBT children. My parents weren't 100% on board from day one, and were initially concerned that my being trans would be seen as a failure of lesbian parenting. But once they played through the usually negative reactions their experience fighting for LGB rights translated perfectly into their new work as trans advocates. My mom who works at the local hospital has found herself in charge of crafting a new policy for the treatment of trans patients after she complained about the current treatment trans patients face. My other mom, who is a writer wrote an article for the local paper giving her take on the backlash to the mixed race photo exhibit I took part in.

This is my vision of a what a queer family can look like.

A Trans Person's Photo in the Hall

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Fri, 22 May 2009 14:00:00 -0500

I've heard of administrators or parents complaining when a trans speaker talks to a class, when a teacher comes out as trans, or even when a student does - but I never expected that the mere presence of a photograph would cause a similar reaction.

The photo exhibit, "Shared Community, Mixed Identities," was not even about trans people, but about representing the diversity of backgrounds that multiracial people come from. My photo was among them, along with a small bio which mentions that I am trans. It was designed as a part of a community project and made available to whatever spaces wish to display it. And when a local elementary school requested to display it, it suddenly became a significant controversy. Yesterday, multiple local news outlets decided to pick it up as a story.

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Tobi: Then and Now

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Mon, 11 May 2009 11:30:00 -0500

THEN

I was getting involved in my second relationship ever after my partner and I decided to be poly.
I identified as bisexual even though all my partners had been women - I knew identity and behavior don't always have to match up.
I was flirting with the photographer but didn't think they'd actually get involved with me
I had just resigned from my job in student government after 7 months of persistent anti-trans/genderqueer harassment.
I had recently moved into a house owned by one of my favorite authors
I identified as genderqueer, specifically not as a woman or man, and had been fighting my doctor to get access to hormones for 8 months
I was so focused on gender and queerness it had been years since I hung out with my straight gaming friends from high school.
I had recently completed banking sperm in preparation for starting hormones.
I had never drank alcohol
This photo was from the first set of nude pictures I posted online.

Continue reading "Tobi: Then and Now"...

Report Back from the Feminist Porn Awards

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:00:00 -0500

The Feminist Porn Awards were rocking last weekend. On Friday, the awards ceremony was held in, of all places, a church. Clips were played from each winning film, and I must say that I can't help but recommend them all. There were definitely a few of my favorites, though.

Under the cut I've gathered clips and previews of several of my favorites.

Continue reading "Report Back from the Feminist Porn Awards"...

Porn for Social Activism

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:30:00 -0500

Last month I wrote about the use of sexual media to raise awareness around different issues. That post, Porn for Education, focused on written porn, which is almost always an individual production. Getting involved in video pornography, however, requires... shall we say "teamwork." The various interaction of performers, crew, director, and producer, not to mention viewers, leads to a much more complicated set of politics, rife with a history of exploitation.

There is a subset of the porn industry, though, which thinks seriously about such issues, many of which will be gathering in Toronto this weekend for the Feminist Porn Awards. I will be among them and am honored to have the opportunity to screen a preview clip of my upcoming debut film. (Note: the image below the cut may not be safe for work)

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The MPAA Haxed u! is a sham

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 09:30:00 -0500

News is spreading of Sacha Baron Cohen's new film, Bruno, receiving an NC-17 rating from the MPAA for including a same-sex sex scene. While I haven't seen the **We are t3h Haxors**sex scene in particular and can't comment on it's gratuity, I can say that I've seen plenty of straight sex scenes **good 4 u, don't stop** that only got R ratings. We've known for years that queer folks are considered not "family friendly" and tend to receive harsher ratings from the MPAA. In fact, anything that strays from man-on-top-woman-not-enjoying-it model of sex gets penalized.

This isn't just about protecting the children, an NC-17 rating can do real damage to a film and prevent people of any age from being able to see it. Many theaters refuse to show them. **w3 refuse show you till demands meet** In this case, Universal has refused to release the NC-17 film and will only release it if it is recut to receive an R-rating.

**demand 1 - send pr0n**

Continue reading "The MPAA **Haxed u!** is a sham"...

Erotic Trans Embroidery

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 11:30:00 -0500

Some readers might remember I had promised a follow up to my Porn For Education post that would go into the details of my more recent work in video. With everything going on this week, I've had to put it off, and a couple of submission deadlines next week might delay me even further.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share with you something fun. You may have wondered at some point, what activist pornographers do in their free time. This one at least, does embroidery -- Although only one of the two completed projects I'm sharing here are erotic, I'm going to warn that these images may not be safe for work.

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Violence Runs Deep

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:00:00 -0500

Bil's Read This post last week erupted into a large flame war. Conversations like this one are always hard for me to step into, emotions are so high and people are very rarely listening or willing to reconsider the assumptions that have already been made. I'm glad that thread has died down and I don't want to start it up again. If you want to continue the shouting match and argue who is at fault for what, please comment on that thread, not here. But I've seen that post discussed in half a dozen blogs, each with comment counts from 50 and 300. This has definitely touched a nerve, and the issues brought up in the post last week go far beyond who did what wrong or engaging debates of blame.

Advocating Violence is Never Okay.

This was the main concern of several people in that discussion thread, but I have to wonder, in a society built so deeply upon violence is it possible to remove it or advocacy of it from our lives? We might want to hold ourselves to a higher standard than the rest of the world, but to do so requires consistency. And that includes considering the violence inherent in law enforcement, the violence embedded in our language, and of course, the physical and non-physical violence in all systems of oppression.

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What Transmisogyny Looks Like

tobi@bilerico.com (Tobi Hill-Meyer) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 09:30:00 -0500

This is a topic that has been vital to my understanding of the world over the past few years, but it's still relatively unknown outside certain circles of activists. When I mention it as an area of my work, I almost invariably have to explain what it is. The short answer is that it is the intersection of transphobia and misogyny that specifically targets trans women. But that dry academic answer never communicates the visceral and intense experience that it is.

Here's a limited list of examples of what transmisogyny looks like. Every example on this list has a story (or dozens of stories) behind it.

Continue reading "What Transmisogyny Looks Like"...