The Bilerico Project

Happy Anniversary

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:30:00 -0500

I know, I know, I know. I've been away for a while. Partly, I needed a break after the loss in Maine. I needed to stop and think about where I am in my life, where I was heading and what the hell I was doing.

And the other part was that last Friday was my 19th anniversary. Yup, 19 years. Yup, on Friday the 13th. All I can say is the 13th was the only day the church was available. No, it's not the "real" anniversary- that would be march 2nd- but after a few years of not knowing when to celebrate, we decided to go with the legal marriage date.

Too confusing. But don't ever say to me I've only been married since 2004 because lemme tell you, every year counts.

I was inspired on very short notice to go and meet Jeanine. She was at a conference in San Francisco and I hated being apart on our day. It felt like 19 years deserved more than a phone call.

I was also inspired by a very very odd coincidence. On Thursday, the eve of our wedding anniversary which, by the way, is also Walter and Allan's as we had a double ceremony that included our vows to be a family, to raise the boys, Walter was walking by an antique shop in Jamaica Plain. He looked in the window and saw two pieces of glass that looked very familiar.

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Down but Not Defeated

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:30:00 -0500

It's hard to think of what to say. My heart is broken. I am exhausted and sick (literally and figuratively). I kept checking the Bangor News site to see the last of the numbers trickle in, hoping it got closer.

It didn't.

I'm proud of being involved with the campaign in Maine. I still love Maine. As I sit here and type, I can hear the buoys clanging in Perkins Cove. The leaves are mostly gone, and the sun is out.

It is still beautiful to me.

As devastating as this loss is, I am beyond grateful we won marriage in Massachusetts. We narrowly evaded having marriage go to a popular vote- and I believe we would have lost that vote if it had taken place. Even today, I have to wonder if we'd win, so many years later.

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In York, Maine Today: No on One!

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:00:00 -0500

My friend, and fellow board member of Mass Equality, Pete and I hit the road this morning to knock on doors. Specifically, we were in Kittery. The campaign was set up at the York Harbor Inn, and set up with incredible efficiency.

We signed in, were processed, and sent out with marching orders in less than fifteen minutes. Yes, this even included a brief training on how to approach folks.

The sun was out, the air crisp- it doesn't get any better than this for a voting day. We parked and set off in opposite directions. Most people were not home, but those who were were adamantly for No one One. It felt great. One elderly woman said to me, Betta believe I'm votin' no... Making my husband, too.

I think that's what has struck me the most about this campaign, here, in Maine. When I was in California for Prop 8, I didn't see any older, or elderly people. I have, over and over again here. Life long Mainers, who have an opinion and a strong one. Who are at the campaign headquarters, or driving around knocking on doors today, making calls, organizing food, coffee... it's stunning to see.

And they say that's the generation that needs to die off to get marriage equality. I say, come to Maine before you wish that.

So far? I have a very good feeling. The campaign is organized, stocked with volunteers, and running smoothly. It's a perfect day to vote.

The White House

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:00:00 -0500

I have to be honest. I fawned. A little. I could not help it. I was in the White House, walking along a corridor of Presidential portraits, past the first lady's garden, and my chin was on the floor.

Welcome to the White House, was said at every corner by a person in military uniform. Sure, we can't serve openly but they can be nice as we walk along the corridor.

I walked in with my friend David. I was glad to have someone to share the moment with, and someone who was also like a kid in the candy store. Oooooh. Look!

On the first floor, was a portrait of Hillary Clinton.

Sigh.

Walking in, I had the chance to say hello to Judy, Dennis and Logan Shepard. I shook Judy's hand and said, I'm a mom, too.

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Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness- For All

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:30:00 -0500

Wake up America! A huge battle for rights is about to be voted on in Maine. This will effect everyone from sea to shining sea.

Just like in California in 2008, rights that have already been granted will be voted on. Everyone was shocked when California lost marriage equality- do you know that the same thing could happen in Maine on November 3rd?

Are you ready to do something about it?

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Headed to DC

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:30:00 -0500

I am honored, humbled, to have been invited to witness the President signing the Hate Crimes Bill. This is the first, the very first, piece of legislation to be signed into law that includes TRANSGENDER.

Truly honored.

My kids... well... I told them, I'm going to the white house, guys.

They look puzzled.

How long you gone for? asked Jake.

Till Thursday.

They all looked at each other and yelled, TACOS!!!

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Playing Fair

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:00:00 -0500

Can I rant for a few moments? It's that kind of day.

After standing in the rain, coaching my son's soccer team with a single parent- you know, the straight white guy who has not volunteered to coach but feels absolutely comfortable telling the coach (me) exactly what to do when- constantly in my ear while my group of 9 and 10 year old boys ran around in delight on the muddy field, I was frustrated.

Not because we lost- the other team was bigger, pushed a lot and my kids kept checking the sidelines to see if the donuts had arrived- but because there wasn't really anything I could do.

Sure, I could have yelled at the parent to get to the other sideline, where he was suppose to be, but what really is the point? This is not the World Cup, they are just kids and an hour after the game, none of them cared what the score was.

It's one of those situations there really isn't anything to be done in. I'm starting to feel the same way about Maine. The other campaign is lying, sending around obscene images and tying them to "the homosexual agenda," in a way that is very reminiscent of what happened in Massachusetts. Meanwhile, the entire porn industry goes merrily on it's way selling disgusting images to appeal to heterosexual men.

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Change and Change Again

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:30:00 -0500

I'm listening to Zachary and Jake wrestle upstairs- they are sharing a room so my sister can stay here. She has been half the time in Ogunquit, half the time here. I've become quite spoiled- she helps with the cooking, shopping and laundry. I gotta tell you, it's pretty nice. Not to mention to have someone here in the house when Ben gets home and I have to be out picking up Zachary...

I'm not someone who adjusts easily to change, but slowly, over time, I've come to see my sister's being here as wonderful. (And not just because she reads my blog) Yes, the house is very full with six of us, two big dogs, and one very lonely cat who has decided to be a dog, too (I must get a picture of her between the two of them, snuggling). Yes, I do not get the same amount of quiet time as I used to. But there is something really special about watching the boys grow in their relationship to her. To watch her change, before my eyes, into a person who is not obese, who is not dependent on people who are using her, who is starting to see some value in herself.

Oh, she still drives me nuts. She is my sister, after all. But I realize I wouldn't trade it. I wouldn't want her to leave.

And Jake and Zachary seem to enjoy the close proximity- although there have been a few skirmishes about Jake having the nerve to actually touch stuff in Zach's room. After a few days, Jake goes back to his room, all is calm again.

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Serious Shortage at Home

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:30:00 -0500

Big drama today in the house. We are down to our last two rolls of toilet paper.

Years ago, a columnist for the Boston Globe, Diane White, wrote a fabulous piece on what families tended to hoard. Back in the 50's, there were canned good in case of a nuclear attack. Today? Toilet paper. On average, families, if I remember right (it was a long time ago and I can no longer find the column), had at least 10 extra rolls in their house.

I think that's pretty low.

Fear not, I'm on my way to the store to stock back up to about 20 rolls.

Ok, maybe not the deepest thinking today but... sometimes we all need a break.

Lots of Love... and Good Boundaries

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:30:00 -0500

Thursday night was Ben's birthday. 14 years old. It's hard to imagine my little baby with curls and a big giant smile all the time is 14.

Zachary called around 5pm- he and Walter had been in a car accident. Everyone was fine, but Walter's truck is totaled. For all our problems, our issues, when I pulled up to the truck, saw how wrecked it was, all I wanted to do was hug Zachary- and Walter. You know, Walter may drive me nuts but I love him.

Ben was a little difficult all evening, soaking in his birthday, being mean to his brothers and dropping the F bomb every moment he could. My sister finally said to him at the table, you know, not only would your grandmother have slapped either of us for such language, she would have taken the gifts back.

Ben found that amusing.

Ben also came home with a huge hickie on his neck. When asked about it, he got really defensive and I said, listen, bub, you don't even try to cover it up, you're gonna have to answer some questions about it.

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Carrots, Giggles and Ninjas

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:30:00 -0500

I realized something this weekend.

I can't do it all.

I'm exhausted most of the time. I'm not doing anything well, just a lot of stuff half- assed. I'm done.

We had our last weekend in downeast. Too cold from now on, as we learned the hard way that first Thanksgiving we did up there. Sure, it's a challenge once but I have to say, I really don't like being cold. Never bothered me before but it does now.

Our island neighbor invited us to pick some carrots he had planted. They were delicious. The kids loved walking across the rocks at low tide to pick them, not to mention checking out the tiny spot of land always in our view from the porch.

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It's That Time Again...

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:30:00 -0500

It's that time of year again... time to plan the much anticipated Halloween costume. I have to admit, the pressure is always on as I have created a small following that awaits each years outfit.

I still think when I dressed up as the principal of the school, I hit my peak.

The eyeshadow made it perfect. And the skirt was Walter's. Don't ask.

I have a few ideas, one I like the best is fairly entrenched in pop culture and I'm not sure my friends would "get" it because most don't read People magazine.

Any thoughts and ideas are welcome... I like to do something current, something catchy and am not against wearing a dress, as you can see.

Picture of the costume is after the jump.

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Valued Members of Society

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:30:00 -0500

I'm ready for a week at the spa. It's been crazy around here in so many ways...

After the cat died, very sad and her sister is walking around the house meowing for her which breaks my heart, Ben was caught skipping class. Oy. As if that was not enough, the next morning I was rear ended in a parking garage. Nice. Then I got lost driving to Zachary's cross country meet in the middle of nowhere, only arriving in time to chase down the bus he had gotten on because I wasn't there. I was in such a foul mood on Wednesday, no one dared speak to me.

I wanted to crawl under the covers and stay there. If only I had that kind of freedom.

Today, I'm headed for Maine while Jeanine and the boys are going to Texas for a family gathering. I am eager to do some work for the campaign up there. The polls say we are ahead, slightly, and I personally never believe polls on this issue. People don't want to say, gosh, no, I don't think those pesky homosexuals should have equal rights. It just doesn't sound nice.

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Good, Bad, Beautiful and Ugly

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:30:00 -0500

What a day.

Let me start with some of the good stuff- my sister is happily ensconced in Ogunquit, and we spent her first weekend there with her, helping her get settled. The boys were all tremendously good all day yesterday, even with the rain. Last night, they were singing goofy songs and recording them on the computer.

Sometimes, they actually all enjoy being with each other - as long as no one else sees it happen. It was especially sweet to see Ben let go and be himself. He is, deep down, kind and gentle.

I'm going to be up in Maine next weekend, doing something, somewhere, to help with the ballot. I have felt incredibly anxious about getting there and actually working. I cannot let my most favorite state in the country go to the wolves of ignorance.

My sister is getting better. Every day is an improvement and while we don't talk about long term, we can talk about today. Today is good.

But when we got home today, Zachary and I looked all over for Charlotte Rose. She's the skinny sister of the two foster cats we adopted.

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Save the Insurance Companies!

sara@bilerico.com (Sara Whitman) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:30:00 -0500

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell