The Bilerico Project

Yesvember

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:00:00 -0500

Did you know that a gathering of Bishops is called a "prick?" Isn't that appropriate?

Anger Management

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:00:00 -0500

I think Don't Ask, Don't Give is a fine idea, but I think you should take that money and give it your local hardworking LGBT rights organization.

Weather Girl

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:30:00 -0500

"Purpose of your visit?"

"To visit friends."

"And you're only staying one night?"

"It's for a party."

"Are you bringing gifts?"

"No."

As usual I began my trip to Vancouver, feeling like a really bad friend. As we began our descent into the clouds over the beautiful western Canadian city, I was feeling a little feverish, and worried it might be the Swine Flu. But it turns out, it was Olympic Fever. The Winter Games begin in February and there's a frantic undertone in the usual tranquility of Vancouver.

Continue reading "Weather Girl "...

You Can't Get There From Here

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:00:00 -0500

Sometimes you wake up and all you want to do is smoke cigarettes and spit at Christians. We're not just like them - they have their rights.

Election Day

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 09:30:00 -0500

At 7:30 yesterday morning, we walked to our local polling place in the elementary school, past the "Vote Aqui" signs, past the bake sale moms, the cellophaned chocolate chip Frisbees and into the voting area. The elderly near-sighted, hard-of-hearing, darling polling ladies found our names. We signed the right spaces, went into the booth and voted. I love yanking that riverboat-sized lever that registers my votes. We walked out. It took about five minutes.

Last year we went to vote at 6 a.m., joined the end of a huge, line snaking down the block, dark morning air dotted with puffs of steam from coffee. Inside the packed, bikram muggy voting area, we were sent from one table to the next, stood in more lines and finally voted for Barack Obama. It took about an hour. It was just getting light as we left.

What a year it has been. No doubt you have your own ups and downs for your personal political highlights reel.

Continue reading "Election Day"...

Halloworldseries

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 08:00:00 -0500

Happy Halloween! Why is Philly vs New York City the "World" Series? Is Hillary a ref? Know what's scary? Losing in Maine!

Sit on My Lapse

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:30:00 -0500

When people wonder to me about what I'll do without George Bush, I tell them that I'll always have the Pope. And of course, the Cheneys who are keeping America safe, but not from themselves. I could do a whole new ninety minute Pope show if it weren't so annoying to my never or now non-Catholic friends. We lapsed Catholics find ourselves endlessly interesting, but it is a special ring of hell for listeners.

From his dubious just-following holy orders deep past, to his more recent past as Czar of the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith, under his old boss Pope John Paul II, who is beginning to look as benign as Mr. Magoo, Pope Benedict XVI's highlight reel of his four years pontificating is a doozy.

Like a sandcastle basilica facing an incoming tide, the RCC is facing a sea of secularism, and the Pope is using his mitered shovel to dig a futile moat. Since attendance at confession is down, big time, he upgraded sins for the modern era: drug dealing, corporate greed, child abuse. He incentivized confession by bringing back indulgences. Think double coupon days. He got rid of Limbo, just when I was getting over the loss of Pluto. He went to Africa and recklessly said that condoms have nothing to do with stopping the spread AIDS.

Continue reading "Sit on My Lapse"...

Did the Pope go pro-choice?

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 08:30:00 -0500

When did the Pope go pro-choice? The Catholics want the Anglicans to choose them after all these years. Maybe the Church needs the money after those pedophilia payoffs.

Happy Birthday, Sister

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:00:00 -0500

Today is my sister's birthday! I have two older brothers and a younger brother, and when I was young I begged my mother for a sister, or a dog. I got a sister. My sister begged my mother for a sister or a dog. She got a crazy beagle named Saint Louie Marie de Montfort, patron saint of something, little sisters maybe.

This morning I called her and did one of my hilarious [to me] birthday rap songs. She listened and then busted me as only a little sister can. "You've been on the road for weeks. I have to read your website to know where you are. Where are you?"

So, dear sister[s] and brothers, a quick recap.

Continue reading "Happy Birthday, Sister"...

Ye Olde Standards

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 08:00:00 -0500

I'm furious about the death of the public option. 2/3 of the public wants it and 2/3 of Congress voted against it. What sense does that make?

Be There!

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:00:00 -0500

I'm back in New York City! Summer is over. So what do we do now? We go march on DC to demand our full equality! I'll be there - won't have a bake sale and get yourself there too? We're in it to win it.

You Can Keep Your Hat On

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 10:00:00 -0500

Not to brag, but this summer, everyone coming out of my summer show in Provincetown told me it was my best ever. Oh, okay, not everyone. Two couples got up and left in a huff shortly after I described the Republican Party as 'the other white meat'. And that's such an old line. I should not get any more cash out of that clunker.

Out in the lobby two of the guys tried to pick a fight with our darling ticket taker - "I love my country! I fought for my country! I have friends who died for this country. She needs to be taught a lesson." [We're in sync on everything, even the last sentence, but I need a lesson in hydraulics, not civics.] Their wives tried to prod them gently out the door, but they weren't having it. They were escorted out. Perhaps they mistook my show for a town hall meeting.

When security told me after about the incident, I thanked them for their solicitude. One guy said, "Heck no, we weren't worried about your safety. We were worried about their safety. If they went back in there, and started something, we were afraid you would turn your audience on them." This summer everybody was achin' for a breakin'. I am happy to report no pinkies were bitten off during my shows. That I know of.

Continue reading "You Can Keep Your Hat On"...

White Whine

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 12:00:00 -0500

For all I know, Keith Olberman might still be doing his special extended commentary on the You Lie Guy, but I had to get to bed. I have not checked this morning to see if he is still going strong with his fulminating filibuster on stupidity, but he could be. There's plenty of what a southern friend of mine calls "stupid out loud" for Keith to chronicle. It is much easier to talk about stupid guys than complex ideas.

So while we are at it, my favorite guy was not South Carolina's Joe "A protégé of Strom Thurmond" Wilson. I could not get enough of the guy with the handmade "What Bill?" sign in his lap. Was he a holdover from the Clinton healthcare speech sixteen years earlier and the "What Bill?" indicated he still did not understand the importance of healthcare reform? Sometimes he acted as if the sign had dropped in his lap from the balcony. Or he was covering a wine spill from dinner. Or it was some Ciallis misfiring.

Continue reading "White Whine"...

Raining Dogs and Dogs in Ptown

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 10:00:00 -0500

The much-anticipated benefit for the Provincetown Dog Park starring Lily Tomlin was a huge success. All day long tropical disturbance Danny dumped rain on our little town, but an hour before the event in a huge white tent out on MacMillan Pier, the rains stopped. In the lowering evening light, eight hundred people walked out the pier promenade and found their seats. The air was so still and humid, I worried the evening would be more like a Bikram Comedy night.

No worries. About a half hour before the show started at 8p, the winds came up and started whipping tent flaps, swinging the two huge IMAX screens suspended over the huge long crowd, and adding a full sail of breathless excitement to the room. On our darkened little spit of land, in the middle of the roiling sea, the crowd was defiantly good-natured with Mother Nature. It had the feeling of a revival, survival tent.

Continue reading "Raining Dogs and Dogs in Ptown"...

The K8 Word

kateclinton@bilerico.com (Kate Clinton) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 08:00:00 -0500

Women athletes on the cover of the New York Times? Great! Oh, it says women in tennis can't serve? Oy. At least this Dykus Maximum can look forward to the return of the new L Word reality show!