The Bilerico Project

Here I am: Then and Now

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:30:00 -0500

I was a straight, married, middle-class, jocky white guy.
I had a 38 inch chest thanks to my pecs and took significant pride knowing that I could bench press over 300 pounds.
I had never knowingly experienced discrimination.
I rarely had to contend with a social consciousness because I lived in a comfortable little world where my family lived in the same house as I did.
I hadn't cried in 30 years and built walls to keep people at a distance.
My favorite drink was a Tequila Sunrise but nobody dared snicker about it.
I took a significant amount of my self-identity from my career.
I shaved my face every morning, and rarely used conditioner.
I had so much stuff to carry I could barely fit it all in my wallet.
I thought I was happy, and had resigned myself to staying in the closet for the rest of my life.

I guess a lot has changed. Nowadays...

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Purple Invitation: A Ticket to Nowhere

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 11:00:00 -0500

If there's a mess somewhere I have a knack of finding myself in the middle of it. Even after all these years I still haven't decided if that quality is a blessing or a curse.

I was one of the minions from around the country and around the world who made the pilgrimage to Washington, DC, over these past few days to participate in the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th president of the United States. I use the word "participate" instead of "attend" because this truly was an event that became larger than any one person, or small group. That's what made it so special.

This President has stirred emotions in people that have lay dormant for a very long time. Words fail to adequately describe it - some mixture of hope, inspiration, excitement, passion, leadership - it's a very potent combination of emotions that draws us not only to this man and his message but to the mission. It was an event that anyone who was there can't help but find profoundly moving. However, it was a day that - for many (including yours truly) did not go as planned.

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Savage thoughts on transgender detective

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:30:00 -0500

Michael Savage is an ass. I looked for another word to put there but that is, in fact, the kindest one I can find. He's one of those people who's so consistently hateful, abrasive, ignorant, and just plain foul that it really makes you scratch your head in wonderment. Being generally without redeeming characteristics isn't a crime (if it was, he'd be in prison) but the thing that is criminal is that this buffoon preaches to an army of similar thinking conservanauts.

One of Mr. Savage's favorite targets is LGBT people. His most recent tirade has been triggered by the fact that a detective on the San Francisco Police Department is apparently transitioning on the job and, as happens in workplaces across the country, co-workers are being provided training on the unique challenges involved. I have no idea why Mr. Savage would or should have an opinion that matters to anyone on the issue but apparently he does and he wants to make sure everyone knows what it is.

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2009: The Year of Trans

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 13:00:00 -0500

The beginning of a New Year always seems to be a time of predictions. It's a time when people try to guess what's going to happen over the next 365 days so they can look back at the end of the year to see how right (or wrong) they are. These predictions are often little more than educated guesses and can sometimes seem so outlandish as to be laughable. Still, I think these things sometimes have value.

With that in mind, here's my prediction: 2009 will be the Year of Trans. It will be a year when transpeople are no longer simply be knocking at the door, asking to come through it. Instead, it will be a year when our voices and our energies will emerge full-force to take our rightful place as full partners in Equality. It will be a year when we take major strides to escape the shackles of our traditional role as sorry stepchildren to our GLB brothers and sisters, as freakish curiosities, or as noisy pests. It will be a breakout year unlike any other we've experienced - a year many of us have spent a lifetime to achieve.

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'Tis the Season

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:00:00 -0500

Thanksgiving is just a couple of days away. For much of the country that means copious amounts of food, time with family, a lifetime of special Holiday memories, feverish shopping, and the gateway to the Christmas, Hanukah, and New Years holidays. It is also a time to reflect and to give thanks, something most of us should probably do more often but take this special opportunity to truly reflect on our blessings.

For many, however, the Holiday season kicking off this week is not nearly so festive or happy. In fact, it can be a very difficult time because it can remind us of all the things we don't have. For those rejected by friends and family all we've got to cling to is painful memories of times gone by. For those struggling financially it is a reminder of all the things we can't afford. For those who are alone it can easily make us feel more alone. All these things can make the Holidays something to survive, not something to enjoy.

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TDOR: Some Personal Thoughts

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:00:00 -0500

Another Transgender Day of Remembrance (or TDOR, for short) is upon us. It occurs on Nov. 20 each year in commemoration of the murder of trans-woman Rita Hester and is our opportunity to celebrate the lives and mourn the deaths of our brothers and sisters who have been murdered during the previous year. This years observances in hundreds of locations around the country and around the world mark the 10th anniversary of this solemn event. It is more than tragic that we continue to have no lack of victims to honor - this year 30 brothers and sisters have been murdered over the past 12 months.

These things are deeply personal for many of us. Being transgender is not an easy life even under the best of circumstances but to see our brothers and sisters slaughtered simply for being themselves is something each of us can imagine happening to our friends or ourselves. The entire spiral of not being able to get or keep a job, being forced into situations that are inherently dangerous, and ultimately being murdered viciously and brutally is far too common in our community.

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Transsexual "gene"?

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0500

It seems that every year or two there is an article somewhere that some scientist or doctor has identified a biological "cause" for being gay or transgender. These kinds of things seem to get a significant amount of attention and then fade into obscurity until the next bombshell discovery is made. In 1993 there was much fanfare over an article published in Science magazine about the discovery of a "gay gene." Did that settle the question of whether or not sexuality is biological or learned? Of course not. That investigation continues today.

The most recent revelation in this regard is a report out of Australia that scientists there have found a genetic link for transsexualism. This kind of research is looking to provide conclusive proof about something that many of us already know - that there is a biological connection to development of gender identity. Although many of us get excited and get our hopes up when we see this kind of news, I doubt any of us are naive enough to believe that this will be the be-all, end-all of research in that regard.

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Transition Regret - Some Thoughts

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0500

Last week news became public that Christine Daniel's very public transition as a sportswriter at the Los Angeles Times had come to an end. She quietly returned to work as Michael Penner. The pressures and high visibility of her transition put her in a very awkward position and those of us who have known her over the past year or so have recognized the difficulty she has been having in recent months. To be honest, I'm not surprised by this news. In some ways, I'm relieved by it.

I have found the reactions to this news very interesting. Some respect it. Some find ways to justify it. Some seem to find ways to apply her decisions to their own lives, or feel somehow threatened by it. Some seem to feel that he's confused or has somehow been forced to "turn back". Some seem almost hostile as though she was one of us but turned out to be a double-agent or something. I have my own thoughts on this entire topic of "Transition Regret".

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Outside the Comfort Zone: Corporate Courage on Social Causes

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0500

Corporate support for political legislation on social causes is nothing new. In fact, it's probably as old as politics itself. However, it's often a tricky proposition. Generally speaking, companies are hesitant to get actively involved in the political machinery of social causes unless the legislation being proposed directly affects them. And, even then, many are reluctant to speak up.

That's what makes two recent statements of support for GLBT political efforts remarkable. Neither was caused by pressure. Both make bold statements of support for controversial LGBT causes. And, both set high standards for others to follow.

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The Angie Zapata Vigil

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 16:00:00 -0500

Angie Zapata had the eyes of an angel. To look at pictures of her are to see beautiful, deep, soulful eyes that speak in ways that transcend words. They speak of a difficult life, but also of a sense of deep inner peace that belie her young 18 years of life. They reach off of the page as if to invite you to be her friend. And it's hard not to want to take her up on her offer.

Angie was brutally murdered last month - her battered body was discovered in her apartment on July 17. As subsequent investigation would reveal she was murdered by 31 year-old Allen Andrade, someone she met online, after he discovered her unique situation. After his arrest he explained to police that he beat her in the head and face with his fists, and then with a fire extinguisher. Most chilling, perhaps, is when he explained that he thought he had killed "it", but she tried to sit up and started making gurgling sounds. So, he hit her again. She stopped for good.

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Daily Assaults on Personal Dignity

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0500

As transgender people feel more and more empowered to come out of the shadows to take their rightful place as contributing and accepted members of society, incidents against us based on discrimination, hatred, and ignorance are on the rise. These incidents range from the relatively minor indignities that we often come to quietly accept as simply part of the journey, to brutal, life-threatening physical attacks.

Whether it's the horrible video in Knoxville where police verbally and physically assaulted a trans-woman earlier this year or the brutal murder of Angie Zapata in Greeley, Colorado where her murderer referred to his victim as an "it" - the assaults many of us face on a daily basis are part of a constant de-humanizing assault on our personal dignity and sense of self-worth. Although we can sugar coat it with statistics of growing acceptance and protections for transgender people in workplaces, cities, counties, and states across this country, the soul-sucking reality that many of us face on a personal level can easily become overwhelming.

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Uncontrolled Anger Corrupts Absolutely

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0500

I don't like to think of myself an an angry person. Certainly, I get angry from time to time. That's just part of having emotion and being human. But there is a huge difference between short-term, controlled, constructive anger and the kind of scorched-earth fury that sometimes passes for commenting on blogs these days. Unfortunately, recent posts here on Bilerico have highlighted this unfortunate phenomenon to a point where it cannot be dismissed. I don't know if the issue is about anger so much as it is about control. Either way - it has gotten way out of hand.

It's not often that I agree with Conservative columnist George Will, but I have learned from experience to never say never. In early 2007 he wrote an Op/Ed for the Washington Post titled "Anger is All the Rage". In it he says:

Today's anger is a coping device for everyday life. It also is the defining attribute of an increasingly common personality type: the person who "unless he is angry, feels he is nothing at all." That type, infatuated with anger, uses it to express identity. Anger as an expression of selfhood is its own vindication.

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Hell Hath No Fury Like A Community Divided

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0500

One thing clearly evident everywhere in San Francisco for PRIDE this past weekend: In many ways, it is a world unto itself. From the moment I landed at the airport (when someone greeted his boyfriend with a big hug and a deep kiss) to the moment I left (sitting next to two women with PRIDE stickers all over themselves on the flight home) it was never more apparent to me than it was this past weekend.

Contrary to those who may have hoped otherwise, time has not dulled the memory of last fall's ENDA debacle. It hasn't gone away and it's not going away any time soon. If anything, the passage of time (and, perhaps, the failure to do anything substantive to heal the wounds) has made things particularly acute in and around the Bay area. The community there feels the wound that this has caused in a very deep, personal way. The resentment, anger, frustration, and betrayal that many of us felt and continue to experience seems compounded there - not simply in the trans community but across the entire GLBT spectrum and allies.

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Transgender Pride

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 16:00:00 -0500

June is PRIDE month in most cities and states across the country (Phoenix PRIDE is in April - by June it's too hot). All manner of celebrations, parades, and other activities are planned to observe this month set aside to acknowledge "gay" Pride. This year's observances are particularly timely and relevant due to the recent same-sex marriage ruling in California. There truly is lots to be proud about.

Little by little, however, the transgender community is finding its own identity away from its larger, louder, more established GL (and sometimes B) siblings. It is finding that it has unique needs that are not being met in the context of the broader community and, in fact, often get glossed over or missed as part of the bigger movement. Some in the community see this as reason to "secede" from the GLB communities (as if such a thing were even possible) while others are simply finding ways to celebrate our own unique identities in our own ways. It is in that spirit of celebrating our uniqueness that Transgender Pride has been born.

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A Father By Any Other Name

donna@bilerico.com (Donna Rose) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:00:00 -0500

Every year just before Father's Day I get a call from a news agency wanting to interview me about how transsexual parents celebrate this annual celebration of dads. I certainly can't answer for all transsexuals - I can only answer for me. I have a 22-year old son, and they've been making these calls to me since 2003 when he was a mere teenager. I've gotten used to it, and in fact I'm comfortable with it to the point that I still answer their calls.

The crux of their questioning revolves around the inherent problem we have when language can't effectively articulate what's really happening in our culture. How do MTF transsexuals - women who at one point fathered a child - celebrate Father's Day? What does my son call me? Will he get me a Father's Day card? Am I uncomfortable with that? I acknowledge that these aren't the deepest, most pressing questions that we're facing. But I do believe they're important to discuss, or at least to highlight. The broad tapestry of human existance far surpasses our ability to use words to accurately describe or explain it. That is, the finite number of words we have don't effectively explain the infinite number of ways to be who or what we are.

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