My simple life ..

is it failure or learning...

2012-04-16T12:13:00.002-07:00

Can you sustain local in the middle of winter in Calgary without preplanning? This was the question I asked myself in January.

I can tell you resoundedly NOPE. Or if you can, you are a much better woman/man than me.

I tried. I really did. I sourced out produce that was grown locally in greenhouses and it worked for awhile. I ate my weight in root vegetables, which for the first month wasn't bad. Again I am a wizz at the parsnip. But then I wanted real, or heck even fake, food. And then my husband was told he needed to get healthy. So out went that. He needed to eat his colors. And with very little local available I had to go elsewhere. I feel like I failed but then with each failure you learn. You learn that you can have local, healthy fruits and vegetables but you have to plan a lot for the future. You have to can, to freeze, to dehydrate and all those preserving methods that I love. But you have to do it on mass scale or you will be unable to sustain it. We did it for 14 weeks in the middle of winter. So for that I am very happy. And next year it will be better. I have my root cellar planned out. I have my can plan mapped out.

I'm still buying local meats because I can't get those images out of my brain. I can't. I won't. So we are eating less meat for the time being. Because those are expensive if you don't go "bulk" and I haven't been able to save up the money for bulk yet. But I will.

So for now, we will eat our colors using as many locally sourced ingredients as possible but knowing it can't all be done yet.

Zombies. and penguins

2012-03-06T14:36:00.001-08:00

I am very fortunate to have the ability to stay home with my children and actually enjoy it (most of the time). And by being home with the girls, I get to do fun things like go on field trips. Today was one of those fun days. Yes it was cold, but not unbearable. Yes it snowed about 20cm. But that didn't stop us. We went to the zoo for two things. One to see the very cool new penguin exhibit at the Calgary zoo but also to see the bear program. I will be honest, I was excited to see the penguins!

We get to the penguin exhibit and it is pretty darn cool. I will take Bella there once the hype dies down a bit. But this is where the zombies come in. This little 5 yr old girl comes up to me and says "Mrs. M, do you know what penguins eat?" I say well yeah, but what do you think? "Zombies"

Oh lord.

Kindergarteners are a different breed..

Note to self .. March 1st edition

2012-03-01T10:57:00.001-08:00

Just a couple note to self's this week.

Remember to update blog more than once a week. You had a goal remember?
Dairy is NOT your friend. It sucks, move on. And stop consuming any dairy please.. Thanks ..your guts ;)
Seed planting starts tomorrow. March 2nd. I'll have leeks, and a few tomato seedlings
Gluten Free Goddess's bread recipe is the one to keep. It actually holds up after 3 days. And freezes. So remember to always have on hand: millet, teff/buckwheat, and almond flour
Sticking up for your child may not be the popular vote around the playground ie: you may get the stink eye, but you are doing the right thing and you know you don't over-react ever so it must have been important to go all mama bear!
We are almost completely out of factory farmed meat. I couldn't just throw it out - that would have been even more of a travisty. So get on the ordering..
Your family goes through 4 loaves of bread every 10 days as of March 1st, 2012

I think those are all the points of the week. How did your weeks shape up?

Trials and Tribulations

2012-02-22T09:47:00.001-08:00

So many of you know that I have pretty much given up the grocery store. It's just too junk food intensive and I'm weak. So I prefer to shop at the market for real foods. I also am in the corner of now that I know how those egg laying hens, cows, pigs etc are treated I can't (or won't) buy from the grocery store. It's a personal choice.

Now that we are in it, we are finding somethings out that I didn't quite realize before. One of which we go through A LOT of eggs. Like 2 dozen a week. These aren't normally eaten just as eggs, but in muffins, pancakes and all those other things. We like eggs. They are a pretty awesome super food. But it really sucks when you are out of eggs and the market doesn't open for another day. So now I have to readjust my eating plans for the day. And because if I "slip" just a little I know I could possibly buy that bag of chips or that whatever so here I sit and think well tomorrow is another day, a day for the Kingsland Farmers Market and then I can make this bread which I really kinda want.. Gluten free Spotted Dog Bread from the Gluten Free Goddess.

So tomorrow, I'll buy 3 dozen eggs and see if that works. I'm thinking we need to figure out a way to get rid of at least a dozen eggs but making from scratch leads to lots of eggs..

Going green .. thumb..

2012-02-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

I am reading a book right now about seasonality and food. It's a really great book, that I have to say when I saw the title I thought oh crap a hippy book. And it is, sort of, but really it's just a book by a family of 4 who moved from Tuscon Arizona to a rural area in southern Appalachian and began a year long adventure in eating only local, home grown sustatainable food - sound familiar?! Animal Vegetable, Miracle is is a really great read if you are on the fence about eating locally and in season. Sound familiar? It's a movement I tell ya.

Anyways I've just ordered my seeds for the year. I will probably get some more from the garden center but for now I'm happy with my order. I'll have about 6-7 types of tomatoes, some zucchini, beans, lots of lettuce and the like. I ordered from Salt Spring Seed company if you are interested!! I know I'm late in the game but hopefully they will be here in a few days and boom, I'll have a mini greenhouse factory going in my house.. The girls are very excited about the ramped up production we will be having! I'm just happy we will be growing our food in conjunction with a CSA.. :)

Happy weekend!

Eating locally?!

2012-02-15T21:02:00.000-08:00

45 days ago, I decided along with Sal (albeit not as gladly) that we would try to be more sustainable. Try to eat as locally and as in season as possible. Keep in mind it was January in ALBERTA so this was a pretty far fetched idea but no one has ever called me sane so here we go. We went into it with a few rules. It could be from some far reaching place that luckily grows oranges but it couldn't be a tomato from chilie.. So nothing out of season. This was a lot trickier than I thought. But that's ok. I just did it.

Luckily here in Calgary we do have two great farmers market that support local farmers (to a point) but they are tricky. We are so ingrained to have a pepper in January, even if it isn't in season or local that farmers markets actually had to provide that service (and believe me I have wanted to get that pepper) so it is hard to get local. And again we are talking local first. So guess what is on our menu A LOT. Parsnips, carrots, potatoes and repeat. Oh don't forget the stuff we did preserve or freeze .. we do have a lot of tomatoes, green beans and peaches. So it hasn't been that awful.. Is it getting old, yup it is.. But I am determined. I know that just around the bend, ok 2-3 months, we will have asparagus and brocolli. I never in my wildest dream thought I'd be excited about brocoli season. EVER. But that's going to be the fun part. Eating locally, tasting actual food that hasn't been shipped from who knows, with crazy weird chemicals.

But this is the solution and the problem all in one. Because I didn't plan ahead, save for a few vegi's that I froze or canned last year we didn't have much in the cupboards. Now for this year we have signed up with a CSA and will be canning and preserving up a storm to get through the lean winter months. And eating locally all year long! We, and by we I do mean I (for the time being) are pretty excited about this challenge..Just think, we are so close to being free from the grocery store or at least 85% free of the grocery store.. Exciting times in this household.

Have you went to the local train? How have you done it?

Garlic knot the GF way..

2012-02-10T18:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not a food blogger. I'm a food lover, a food blog lover, a blogger, but not a food blogger. I don't create. I create with guidance. Well I do create but I don't blog about it.. Until today.

Today I had to share. I was watching Rachael Ray on Thursday and thought holy crap I want that. Like WANT that! I wanted her Not your average garlic knot like you would not believe. Few problems with that. Gluten free pizza sucks. Like seriously sucks. If you've eaten gluten free pizza you will know that even if you make a good one it doesn't "chunk" you can't cut it. You spread it. Always a good thing to note when you are making recipes up people. Because otherwise you will throw it out if you are new - just sayin So that was my first problem. Second problem, well I don't have fresh rosemary in the house yet. We haven't ever been able to overwinter it. So if you know a way let me know. Anyways I digress. I wanted this garlic knot and didn't know how to make it work but I needed to make it work. Lightbulb moment.. This very cool gluten free food blog that I read The Baking Beauties had an awesome Monkey Bread that I made for Christmas eve. It was probably the most amazing monkey bread I've made with or without gluten. Perfect. And then I figured maybe I could do some switches and make myself some Gluten Free Garlic knot.

So here it is,
Gluten Free Garlic Knot
adapted from The Baking Beauties "Ultimate Sticky Monkey Bread"
and inspired from Rachael Ray's "Not your average garlic knot"

Ingredients:
Dough:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose gluten-free flour (Note)
1/2 cup tapioca starch
1 Tbsp rapid rise yeast
3 Tbsp white sugar
1/2 tsp salt
3 tsp xanthan gum
1/4 cup dry milk powder
1 tbsp italian spice mix
1 tsp baking powder

4 Tbsp Gluten free/dairy free/soy free buttery spread
1/2 cup boiling water
3/4 cup milk
1 egg, room temperature
1 tsp cider vinegar
2 Tbsp garlic olive oil

The garlic pizza dough part
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

2 tablespoons finely chopped rosemary
Coarse ground sea salt
Black pepper

1 cup grated parmesan (for some reason this cheese doesn't kill me)

Tomato sauce, homemade or store-bought, for dipping

Directions:

1.In the bowl of your stand mixer, mix all dry ingredients until combined. Set aside.

2..Put boiling water and butter in a glass bowl, stir until melted.. Add milk, stir. Add other wet ingredients and whisk to combine.

3. With the stand mixer running, pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Scrap down the bowl if you have to. Mix for 2-3 minutes (until mixture is just a little thicker than the texture of muffin batter)

4. Using a small 1inch scoop, scoop balls of dough and place into large bowl.

4 .In a small saucepan over low heat, saute the olive oil and garlic. Add your rosemary (or spice mix), pepper and salt.

5. Toss gently with balls of dough (remember this is gluten free dough so it doesn't always hold up supurbly)

6. Add half your balls to a greased bundt cake pan, layer with cheese. Pour half your sauteed garlic over dough. Repeat.

7. Allow the dough to rise for 20-30 minutes in a warm, draft-free place. Bake in preheated 350 degree oven for 35- 40 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes and then release from bundt cake. For a better texture (because again GF baking needs to cool to not taste weird and gummy) wait 10-15 minutes before serving.

Enjoy with your favorite marinara sauce.

A little about me..

2012-02-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

My friend Michelle, from Simply Happy Mama tagged me in her questions and I thought I'd give them a go here.

1. Do you like to cook or bake ? Both or neither. What is your favorite recipe?

Yuppers! I don't have a favorite recipe that I can eat now. But my absolute favorite before ~~being forced to~~ going gluten free and dairy free would have been Canadian Living Chocolate Cake. It's been a challenge and you know I like a challenge to bake gluten free but if you ask me in a year I'll probably be able to tell you! And for cooking, I do love to cook. I'm not a real cookbook for cooking kinda gal - more of a wing it person but I love love love slow cooked pulled pork!

2. A place you would love to visit but have not yet ?

Italy. My husbands family is from there so it seems like a cool place and a great excuse..

3. Favorite childhood book?

Charlottes Web or anything from the Nancy Drew series

4. What restaurant do you like to take your kids (grandkids) to ? Why ?

We don't go to restaurants any more due to affore mentioned allergies but before we took the kids to Montana's frequently. They loved those mooses.. ;)

5. Favorite flavor of ice cream ?

Chocolate
6. Are you a thrift store shopper?

Nope.
7. Are you a sweet or salty lover ?

I'm a salted carmel girl so both?!
8. Favorite color ?

Blue
9. Best movie you have ever seen ?

Dirty dancing .. Pretty in Pink .. I'm a cult classic kinda gal.
10. Winter or summer vacation ?

Winter. I would love to get rid of winter for 2 weeks every year. But for now we stick close to home and camp during the summer
Want to play along .. Please do and send me a link with your answers!

the hippie girl..

2012-02-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

My husband, god bless him, said to me the other day after I was making homeade yogurt "when did you turn into a hippie" .. He wasn't meaning it negatively, he just was thinking back to the days prekids. You know those days where you didn't care about what you ate, what you fed yourself, heck you didn't particilarily care what you ate. You just ate. Period. End of story. He even reminded me of my fridge pre him, pre kids pre everything. It was green. Sadly I'm not talking about the avocado green color that many fridges were. He was talking about the various shades of mold, that were growing in my fridge. You see, I've always loved shopping. The grocery store was always my "safe" place. I knew I wanted to change, so I bought food, but I didn't really want to get off the unhealthy train of fast food. So I would buy fruits and vegetables and pretend I was healthy but really I was just a scientist creating different strains of bacteria lol.

Now look at me. I make yogurt (with incubation periods of 16 hrs - so it doesn't hurt my pretty sensitive guts) I haven't bought a canned anything in over two years because I make them better. A baked good does not come from the grocery store any longer. It is made by me, for my family. I control everything. Everything.

And now the next chapter of our life. I am going to break free of the grocery store completely. (well as completely as I can because I am not a cloth loving toilet paper mommy ;)) You see I've been a reader my entire life. Lately my reading has went from well fiction (romance) to non fiction. And those non fiction books like Food Inc; Omnivores Dilemma; Fast Food Nation just to name a few; have gotten us thinking. And I do say US, because as much as I was the reader .. Sal would hear me say "are you freaking kidding me" and like any good husband said whatcha talking about and I would tell him. And then we watched a movie. A movie that made me gag. Food Inc. Now this little movie, although I am sure is biased and probably not a 100% accurate with both sides of the story being told. But it makes you think. Well it made me think. And it made me rethink what we eat. I am at the begining of this food story. This new chapter of our life.

So stay tuned. You don't need another yogurt recipe on the web, so this won't be the place. However I will show you resources and blogs that did help me in my hippy-dom.And maybe something will be triggered in you..

I'm not a food writer, I'm not even so much as a food blogger, but I am a concerned (and hopefully educated) mom/wife/friend/daughter..

Dad..

2012-02-07T14:56:00.000-08:00

3 years ago today, I leaned over my dad's bed at the hospice and told him what I knew.

I knew that I wouldn't see him alive again.

I knew that my kids wouldn't see him again (and that I was very grateful that my girls saw him one last time a few days prior)

I knew that it was time for him to move on. To absolve himself of the cancer. (or so I really hope)

I knew that he was loved and that we would miss him.

I knew that my dad wouldn't be forgotten.

I also knew that he made it to his 62nd birthday.

I told him that I was so proud of him.

I asked him to check in from time to time.

I told him that it was time to go.

I told him that I loved him so so so very much.

Today dad would have been 65.

Tomorrow, he has been dead for 3 years.

I miss him. I love him..

My many resolutions.

2011-12-31T15:20:00.001-08:00

I have a rule about resolutions. Don't make'm.

I do however have year goals.

So here it goes.

I want to can/preserve something every month. More in the height of canning season.

I want to be a better baker. I want to challenge myself to do more and cooler baking. But still be mindful to my waistline. This one will be interesting without gluten or dairy, but I like a challenge.

I am going to bike ~~every day~~ as many times in 6 months as I can, to both get in shape and train for the ride to conquer cancer. (if you feel like supporting me in this quest go here Jenn's conquering Cancer)

And my favorite. I want to be a better drinker. No really. I picked up a book. It makes it legit. Uncorked! From what I've read, it's about the best wines under $25 that are sold in Alberta, I plan on going through a lot if wine. Lol

Here's the first one.

Happy New Year

My Gluten Free life

2011-12-18T06:01:00.000-08:00

Gluten free is tough. I've been at this for about a month now and for the most part it has been smooth sailing.. I never had that euphoric high with wheat that many people had. I didn't crave it when I wasn't able to have it. I wanted a good slice of toast but I was ok without having it.

I met BOB and all of his glory! Brown rice flour, teff, sogrhum, starches .. those have become my new flours. I've read books upon books about Gluten Free, and my life changing baking book RATIO which has helped me get out of volume measurements and back to scaling everything. I've learned that for the most part 1/3 of every cookie/cake/bread should be a starch beit Tapioca, potato or arrowroot.

I've also learned that dear god there are a lot of products with hidden gluten. As I've said before, read every label no matter if you think it should be safe because it doesn't feel good if you miss something. I missed "may contain wheat" in peanuts so that means there were probably traces of wheat in it and I was a miserable mess last night. I wasn't as sick as say the "natural flavored rice" the other night but I was a gassy, painful mess. So just read everything. Gluten free isn't hard, it is actually sort of exciting. You just have to get over the fear and your guts start to heal.

Read Labels

2011-12-15T21:27:00.000-08:00

Labels. You look for fat, calories, sugar, salt .. you may miss something but whatever it won't be a big thing. So you have a few more calories. Just make up for it the next day.. All is good. Or you can have a gluten allergy and miss WHEAT and be in pain. Guess where I am? So for people who may read this blog when you are new to GF here are some that you might not know..

Pre-Flavored Rice
Hoisen Sauce
Soy Sauce
~~Ketchup~~ check labels, heinz is gluten free
Oats

There are a lot of lists out there, but they are vast and huge. So the little things you miss. You get the big ones.. But the little ones, those are the suckers that will have you holding your guts in pain.

Learn from me, don't have flavored rice. Or make damn sure it doesn't have wheat in it.

Additional info.
Call, email etc companies they are more than willing to help you!

A new name, a new me?

2011-12-14T14:55:00.000-08:00

My old blog name wasn't really working for me.

The new name, isn't totally working for me either, so any suggestions would be AOK :)

Please excuse the mess while I change it up..

The list is endless.

2011-12-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

So we are trying to have a lowkey Christmas this year. And that involves homeade gifts. I don't sew (you don't want to see anything I've sewn, let me tell ya, it ain't pretty people) My art skills are limited to the kitchen. That's it. You know you will get either baked goods, canned goods, candies or yeah that's about it. That's my artist pallet. I love the kitchen.

I love creating an awesome jam with just sugar fruit and homeade pectin. A muffin, so what if it's really just a donut in disguise - I can do that. A cookie absolutely.

But you see now I have a problem. I still want to keep everything.. So I have to either part with my precious canned goods (and not just that weird nectarine chutney that has survived a few years and I don't like anymore) or make a few more things. I think I'm going to can a few oranges to make some yummy blood orange marmelade.

So my list, it is long. Cookies - just a few kinds. Canned, a few variaties and maybe a candy.. I have 10 days... Countdown is on.

A cookie experiment ..

2011-12-11T11:42:00.001-08:00

Cookies and baking are for me the lifeblood of this season. I start to pull out all my cookie books and magazines about October and then the fun begins. The selections, the choices. The girls get into it too.. They start with their stack of magazines and you can hear "yum, those look good" to "ugh pine nuts no thank you" (I personally love a pine nut but whatever) all the while selecting and chosing their favorites.

This year was no execption, however my diagnosis came before I actually started to bake. And I'm not going to lie. It made me sad. I love the smell of chocolate and the sweet smells of ginger and molasses while baking. Those are the smells of Christmas too me. Then I came to the realization that darnit I was going to bake - this wasn't a diet that I'm undertaking but a complete life change. So it was either me that wins or the allergy. And guess what the allergy is NEVER going to beat me. Never, ever. Period. End of story. I would bake some glutenous cookies for the girls and a few GFree ones for me. And boy oh boy am I ever thankful I did.

I've made some wicked good, raspberry coconut oat bars, some brownies (I'll post the recipe later) and then the fun began. The real fun. The part that I've been thinking about for years. That essentially every cookie is about ratios. Ratios, you know that thing that you did in high school and if you were like me kind of hated. But I knew that every drop cookie was a ratio of flour, sugar, butter and eggs. You can't make a cookie without at least three of these. I won't lie. My realization that this might be the way of the future for me ie changing the AP flour to GF flour came by way of finding the Gspot Revolution and the GFRally.. And lucky for me it was cookie month.

So I looked around my own cookbooks and thought well lets go easy. Lets go big. And I made a cookie I've been doing for a few years but changed it up. Changed it all to grams. Changed it to ratios. And darnit this is what a cookie should be. It's chewy, dense, chocolately and well a little coffee doesn't hurt either. This is the new way to bake..

Dark Chocolate Espresso Cookies makes 36 cookies

8 ounces chocolate chips, divided
200gram flour (20 oat, 130 brown rice, 20 Soghrum, 30 tapioca) I had left over oat flour so this is the blend I tried. Whisk together to make one flour..
40grams cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
100 g butter (about 1/2 cup), softened
300g sugar
2 eggs (100g)
1 tsp vanilla
1 tbsp espresso powder

Preheat oven to 350F
Melt 4 ounces of the chocolate (I use the microwave 1/2 power for 2 minutes, checking frequently), set aside..
In a bowl whisk together the flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
Beat butter and sugar until pale and fluffy, approx 3 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time to butter. Mix in vanilla. Stir espresso into chocolate mixture and then beat into butter mixture. Add flour, mix until just combined. Fold in remaining chocolate..
Drop dough as big as you want -- I prefer small bites so mine were about 1.5tsps onto baking sheets. Bake for 8-10 minutes.
Enjoy!

My ratio was 2 eggs -4 sugar-3flour-2butter.

So yeah bring it on. :) :)

I cheated..

2011-12-05T18:34:00.000-08:00

BEEEP!

I cheated. I was told it would hurt if I gave it a go again. That my stomach was so used to the pain that it didn't even know what pain was anymore.

I was told that wheat and gluten hurt me ..

I thought it's one date square.

I hurt.

I know.

It won't happen again.

Gluten Free Pumpkin Muffins

2011-12-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

I've been searching the blog universe lately, trying to find some exciting recipes that would be easy and hopefully yummy..

I found a blog Gluten Free Goddess that inspired me to make some muffins. I made a variation of her GF Pumpkin Streusel Muffins and I think they turned out pretty darn good.. It's a variation because well I didn't have half the ingredients so basically I used it as a jumping off spot.

Ingredients:
1 cup brown rice flour
1/2 cup potato starch
1/2 cup flax meal
1/2 cup coconut flour
1 1/4 cup light brown sugar
2 tsps baking powder (I know it has a bit of gluten in it but you can get GF -- I just haven't yet)
1 tsp xanthum gum
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/4 canola oil
2 large eggs
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 tbsp vanilla
1 cup chopped walnuts
water to texture

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350F. Line 12 cup muffin tin with liners

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together dry ingredients. Add in the oil and beat until crumbly. Add in the eggs, pumpkin and vanilla and beat until the batter is smooth -- I had to add about 2tbsp of water because it looked a bit dry.

Spoon the batter into twelve muffins cups, filling them close to the top.

Bake in the center of the oven until domed and firm. About 18-20 minutes.

Serve warm with butter. Yummo!

Eating out..

2011-12-03T20:32:00.000-08:00

We had Sal's companies Christmas party last night and I was concerned.

Was I the girl that was just going to be able to eat vegi's. Should I just eat before? The questions just kept coming in my brain..

We got there, and yup. I don't think I'll be able to go out very often. Which in reality is probably a good thing. It's healthier, cheaper (which we'll need since GF is not cheap) and really I like cooking so this will be a good thing.

I did eat vegi's. And salmon. And oh wait .. salad. I had fruit and cheese for dessert.

Today we went to Earls -- we had a gift card and no kids, and same thing. 1 thing besides salad I could eat that was of a lighter fare. If I could eat beef it might be a bit different but I can't so my choices were limited to salad, a rice curry and roast chicken.. I could be more vocal and ask lots of questions but really I think I'll just stick to home.

Lesson learned. And I survived.

And again we go..

2011-12-01T17:56:00.001-08:00

I have been debating off and on the last 4 months if I was going to ride in this years Ride to Conquer cancer. Humming and hawing and I couldn't decide.

I decided. I'm going to bike again. 200 short kilometers uphill BOTH ways, hopefully not through rain but whatever..

So woohoo.

Get my butt on the bike will begin January 1..

Oh and I tried a store bought GF pizza today.. Not the worst thing I've ever tasted. Not the best either so I think it's time to start experimenting with flavours and textures and baking again..

Oh my .. oh my..

2011-11-30T19:56:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I've written in this here blog..

Times have changed, kids have changed, I've changed, we have all changed.. Profound I know..

I don't know the direction that this blog will be taking, but I think I'll start with MY LIFE now.

I have been diagnosed as Gluten Intolerant.  Did you know Gluten is in freaking EVERYTHING!! NO seriously, everything!!  From sausages (I have found that Spolumbo's here is gluten free), to soy sauce, to ketchup and salad dressings. It's in beef stock, imitation crab - these two are just information since I don't use either but still and it's hidden in so much more. It's a whole new world. And I have to say a bit scary.. I have never been so intimidated to go into a grocery store before. I was always a read the label kinda gal but now it is a matter of pain or now pain. And I'll take no pain please! So I'll become an old pro soon, but for now it's a brand new world.

I haven't experimented with all the new flours that I've never heard of Coconut, bean, potato, etc and I'm on the hunt for Xanthum Gum but it will come. It has to..

Today though, I'm going to expunge the dammits..  I was fine to get rid of bread - I'm not a huge bread eater so that one was an easy one.. I will have to make a raisin bread/cinnamon bread for Christmas but that's like 25 days away.. Cake and cookies were sortof scary but whatever (that one I can see the benefits of - flat stomach here I come ;)) but I forgot about my love of cereal. I love cereal. I can eat my Kashi, or cheerios or well any wheat square there is and totally have a meal. But nope. Not allowed cereal. Well I can eat some but so far they have left me about $50 poorer (6 different types only) and no closer to a true substitute. Blech. I like me a cereal that has A LOT of protein so I don't have to eat again until noon. So far none exists. I don't like eggs as a rule so for me I have to figure out breakfasts. Again for my health I will but it's annoying. That's my first dammit..

My second is a dammit, do people with Gluten Allergies have so much money? Or are these companies just gouging the sick ;) I know it's now popular to be gluten free and all but come on. Help a sister out. I'm not part of the 1% but I'm not destitute either. $7 for 4 "granola" bars is a tad ridiculous.  Again I'm trying to look at the positive about the granola bars. My stomach will be amazing ..

It will all work out. It will.. And I'll be saner, and by extension healthier..

But for now it is a brand new world. And although I'm scared, I'm excited too. I've never thought about making coconut flour pancakes before. Now it'll be a part of my repertoire.. Kinda cool in an i'llneverhaveagoodchocolatecakeorcookieorcerealagainway..

A reminder..

2011-04-09T12:39:00.000-07:00

Life is short! Life is random. And we are blessed.

I always think that my dad got the short end, but yet again I am wrong. We are wrong. He got the life he was supposed to have. Does it make it less sucky, nope but we got to say goodbye.

My husbands old friend didn't get to say goodbye to his mom. That is unfair! To be having fun at a casino and drop of a heart attack, that sucks. That's random. And reminds us to live each day!!

Rest in Peace Lorraine. We will miss you (and your wheat puff squares, chocolate cake and every other wonderful confection that you made :))

Rushing back

2011-03-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

It all came rushing back. Those emotions. The hopelessness that you have when your parent tells you that they have cancer.

It has been a bad cancer week for me. 3 more people I know have parents that are dying from this bastard of a disease. 2 dad's and a mom. SHITTY!

I remember hearing that my dad had cancer, and knowing that it was over. I wanted him to stay around but I knew in my heart you didn't beat this disease twice, not when it had moved so much to other places. I remember searching everything about stats and not finding one that was positive. And then because I research I researched what happened next. Progressions. And I remember my husband saying STOP. He's not dead yet. Love him. Tell him you love him. Go over. Talk. Get your shit together. And thinking screw you buddy. But knowing he had went through it just a few short years prior so knowing he knew what he was talking about. So I went over. And I talked. And we talked about the mundane. We talked about my hopes for my kids. He talked about his hopes for me. And when cancer infiltrated his brain, we talked about the fact that Santa was on the roof (the wind was blowing, and he had cancer in the brain and thought I was 5) so we talked about Santa. And I wouldn't do anything different. I talked, he listened, he talked, I listened and on and on it went.

So tonight when I went over to a neighbours house to give her money for the shave a head for cancer that she's doing for her dad .. it all came rushing back. And I couldn't say anything. So if she reads this post, which she might .. I'm going to say LOVE YOUR DAD, don't think of the stats and those crappy things. Think of your most favorite memory of your dad and make a new one too. And hold those two memories really close. Those will get you through some very dark times. And if, not when (miracles happen) you do have to say goodbye to your dad remember those memories.

Cancer freaking sucks. And dad, I miss you so flippen much! But on that same tolken, we are doing ok!

Running .. can be hazardous

2011-03-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

To your butt.

I finally thought that I would be able to get a decent, not great, but decent run outside the other night. I'm at a disadvantage because I have to do most things after 8 when my husband can come home, but I've been dealing with that for so long.. I got a partially decent run in but I have to say black ice is a tad blacker after 8pm or really quite invisible..

Owie, my butt is so sore from falling down. I was lucky that I didn't hurt anything more but I think I'll stick to cycling and running on the treadmill until the snow has fully melted not just partially.

Still standing strong on my weight loss. Now I'm going to get all the rest toned up. By the end of summer, hopefully the beginning of summer, I'll have way less stomach and a much nicer core.. :)

Have a healthy week!

Illness begone..

2011-02-25T12:20:00.000-08:00

So yeah, life this year has been a lot of sickness. A friend of mine said it best about her own kids - one has been without medicine for less than a week since October. Sums our house up completely.

But I'm not going to focus on the fact that Strep throat (can't swollow ergo can't eat) sucks, I'm going to concentrate on the fact that for the first time since I was a teenager, I'm below 150 lbs.. Sure, its from starvation due to the fact that I can't swallow, but whatever I'll take it! :) It won't last, but I almost want to take a picture of the scale because regardless of strep I'm below 150lbs!

Now another word of advice .. I'm full of advice this week. Don't let your children pick off hangnails as bad things happen and the second probably more important one, when you know you have strep throat don't ignore it because your youngest has something "worse" get it fixed because exhaustion hits really hard and when you see spots from the afore mentioned starvation you aren't helping anyone! The whole, put the air mask on yourself first! Why do we forget to do that??

Spring please come!