Susan Savery's 'Picking up the Pieces' Relationship Recovery Blog

4 Key things to remember when starting over

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:32:00 +0000

It’s never easy when you think about having to start over with something. Especially if it seems like you have to start your whole life over again. I know what that feels like as a few years ago, I had to do exactly that. It felt like there was a mountain in front of me and I was about to climb it in stiletto’s with no safety line. But I was determined that I would climb it and that when I got to the top, the view was going to be great.

Part of what makes that view great and the climb worthwhile is when you get to the point when you realise that things really are going to be better than they were before. I learnt many things along the way and here I want to share with you some key tips that helped me to get the life I wanted.

What got you here won’t get you there!

Take some time to understand what got you to where you are today, so that you don’t make the same mistakes again. Mistakes are funny things as there are so many different types of mistakes, with varying consequences from simple little mistakes to big fat bloopers but the most important thing to remember is that in order to learn from them you have to accept them.

Own up to your mistakes even if only to yourself and you will get a much clearer understanding of how you got where you are today. We all make mistakes; even if that mistake is about allowing ourselves to put up with things we knew we shouldn’t have. There is no point in blaming everything on other people or life itself as you won’t learn anything. If you don’t accept your mistakes and look at them properly, then chances are you will keep making them. And the brilliant thing about starting again is that you get to do things differently, better than before.

Recognise your strengths.

No doubt there are probably many times in the past when things happened that you didn’t expect and you were thrown into a bit of turmoil. Or perhaps you even expected them to happen and didn’t have a choice. Either way, you dealt with them and got through them. You are probably a lot more resilient than you think you are.

Think of all the things that you have dealt with in your past and all the things that you have achieved and recognise how strong and capable you are. Be thankful to those things that you survived as they enabled you to learn something. Stop telling yourself that you are no good and that you are hopeless and tell yourself you are a wonderful and strong person, capable of dealing with whatever comes your way – because you are. When you recognise your strengths you will be able to tap into them and grow them even more.

Change is a positive thing.

People often stay stuck where they are because they are either scared of change in some way or are actually perfectly happy where they are - The proverbial pig in mud. Being adaptable and open to change allows you to experience new things and learn far more than you would if you stay where you are.

A lot of the time people resist change because they are unsure of what is going to happen and they feel as though they might not have control over the future. We do everything we can to avoid any type of discomfort in our lives, yet challenges and pressures can bring out the best in us. Your situation may have changed without you wanting it to but if you embrace it and find ways to rise to the challenge, you will certainly be glad that it did.

Stay focused on what you want.

Work out what it is you want for your future and set some goals around this so that you have something to work towards. This helps you to stay focused and will keep you moving forward. Set small chunks of goals so that you avoid overwhelm and help you to tackle things one step at a time.

If your first goal is to sort out your finances then start small by working out a budget and then set yourself a target to stick to. Achieving smaller goals will increase your confidence and build your self esteem, allowing you to set more challenging goals as you go along. When you keep your focus on the future and where you are going you will start to gradually see things moving and improving and before you know it you are well on your way to enjoying the new and improved you.

Good Person / Bad Person

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:12:00 +0000

I have been madly busy lately working with my teenage mums and so want to apologise for being a little lax in posting to my blog. But I really wanted to share with you the following on the differences between a good person and a bad person. This comes from some of the work that I have been doing helping Teenage mums look at what they want for their lives and a lot of the issues that they have can affect us all no matter how old we are.

It's all too easy to get caught up in relationships or friendships when we first meet someone, where we find that once the inital phase of meeting someone wears off, there are often things about them or that happen that make us feel uncomfortable or unhappy, yet we fail to do something about it.

Here is a list of traits of the differences between people that are good for us and those that are not, that we could probably all do well to remember at some point or another.

A Good Person

A good person will be happy to listen to you
A good person will love you for who you are and not try to change you
A good person will respect your opinions
A good peron will support your goals
A good person makes you feel safe
A good person wants you to be happy

A Bad Person

A bad person ignores you
A bad person says nasty things to you
A bad person makes you feel bad
A bad person tries to change you
A bad person is controlling
A bad person does not respect your opinions
A bad person makes you feel frightened

There are lots more that can be added to each list, if anyone has any they would like to add, please let me know. What makes a person good or bad for you?

Want a great exercise for working out whether to stay or go?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 10:22:00 +0000

Are you struggling to work out what you want?
Wondering if the grass will be greener on the other side?
or do you need to check whether your decision to stay or go is the right one for you?

During the FREE call last week, with Francine Kaye - The Divorce DR, Francine took us through a great exercise to work out whether to stay or go, that you can follow along with. Not only that but she also helps you to work out why your relationship might have gone wrong in the first place and what to do once you have made the decision so that you can build a solid platform to move forward.

To listen to the call and take part in the exercise, sign up for the FREE recording here :

http://www.susansavery.co.uk/francinekaye_teleseminar.html

This call is so chock full of wonderful and practical information, that I know that you will find something here to help you.

One listener immediately emailed me within minutes of the call and described it as AWESOME !

I have set up these free calls to help other people like me who have come out of a long term relationship and had to start again, so please let me know how useful they are to you by posting your comments below. I really do want to hear from you.

Susan x : )

Getting back inside your own head!

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 17:42:00 +0000

Do you find yourself obsessing about your ex or the relationship? Keep rehashing conversations or even arguments in your head and wondering why on earth they couldn’t see or understand things your way? Or perhaps you are constantly wondering what you did wrong or could have done differently to change the way they feel. Maybe you spend most of your time making choices and decisions based on what you think their response will be. “If he/ she see me doing this they will realise what they are missing”

It’s quite normal to spend time trying to make sense of things but when it turns into constantly obsessing about your ex then it’s not helping you. It’s only serving to keep you stuck in the past and stopping you from moving on.

It’s time to get back into your own head and focus on yourself. There may have been things that in hindsight you could have done differently, but you didn’t and there may be things that you could improve about yourself but that doesn’t mean that you are not a loveable and worthwhile person. Whatever the reason that your relationship went wrong it has happened and yes there are things that you can learn from it so that you have better relationships in the future, but first you need to refocus on yourself so that you can create the space to do and have what you want in your life.

This kind of habit can be hard to kick and you will need to be tough with yourself, especially in the beginning. But remember if you are obsessing about your ex, then you are not paying any attention to yourself and your own needs.

Here are three key steps to bringing the focus back to you.

1. Living in the now

A great way of bringing the focus back to you is to remember that the only time that really exists is NOW. The past and the future are only there in your imagination. The past has happened and what you have is a memory of your interpretation of events and the future is your imagination deciding what it thinks will happen.

When you find yourself obsessing about the past or what you think will happen in the future, bring yourself back to what is happening NOW for YOU. What are you doing right now that you can become more consciously aware of? Are you at work or out shopping, perhaps you are sitting at home in front of the TV.

Whatever it is that you are doing; practise giving it your FULL ATTENTION. You will find that with after a while you will be able to stay focused on yourself and what is going on for you much easier.

2. Do things that energise you

Think about you and who or what you enjoy. There are a host of ways that you can energise yourself. Think about the following and make a commitment to yourself to increase your activity in the areas that appeal to you the most.

• Which people energise you?
• What activities do you enjoy?
• What treats do you like?
• What would you love to learn?
• What hobbies or interests did you used to have?

Spending time doing things that energise you will help to build up your levels of happiness and self esteem and will allow you to separate yourself from getting stuck in the past. There is usually always something that you would have stopped doing or made changes to as a result of being in your last relationship. Find out what they are and start doing them again if they make you feel good about yourself.

3. Express gratitude

We all have things in our life that we are grateful for but often we forget to pay them any attention. We tend to think about and remember the bad things that happen and forget all the good things that happen every day. When you only think about the bad things it can seriously affect the way you see yourself and your behaviour. Your behaviour affects your outcome and this can keep you in a negative cycle of thought.

Start a gratitude journal and put in it all the good things that happen to you every day. The smallest things can be a boost when you take notice of them. Don’t write down anything negative, only positive thoughts about what you are grateful for. For example “I am grateful that I arrived at work safely this morning” or “I am grateful that I like the people I work with” perhaps you are grateful that you have a really good friend that you can talk to, or that you are enjoying the book you are reading.

There are lots of little things everyday that you have to be grateful for. Focus on what you do have in your life and not what you don’t. Think about the people that you know and what they bring to your life. If you find that you keep thinking about the bad things that happen then think about the good things that have come from it. What did the experience teach you?

Remember that hard times and challenges make you stronger and by bringing your focus back to yourself you will be able to take what you need from the experience and use it to create a better life and relationship for yourself in the future.

"What you MUST understand about your Past to achieve what you WANT the next time round"

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:52:00 +0000

FREE TELESEMINAR
with Susan Savery and Special Guest Expert Francine Kaye - The Divorce Doctor

Tuesday 25th August 2009 8.00pm (3.00pm US Eastern)

(Please note these calls will be recorded and available for those who register)

I am so excited that Francine has been able to find time in her busy schedule to join me in bringing you the best ideas, tips and hands-on advice on how to cut through the pain and indecision that nearly all of us go through at the end of a relationship, so that you too can come out the other side knowing exactly what you want for your future!

Francine Kaye, 'The Divorce Doctor', is a trained councellor,relationships coach, family mediator and parent effectiveness trainer. Francine regularly appears on Channel 5's The Wright Stuff and is called in as an expert to numerous radio and TV shows. She writes for Woman and Home, Prima, Psycologies, Grazia, Zest and Womans Health and is Author of the book 'The Divorce Doctor' You can find out more about francine here: The Divorce Doctor

During this call Francine will show you how to implement the 3 essential keys to getting over your past and creating your ideal life and relationships.

You will learn how to:

* Understand what happened, why it happened and how it happened.
* Know what to look for in the future - your rules for your ideal relationship
- they might not be what you think they are!
* Have the courage to say what you want and get it!

If you are ready to break through the barriers that have been holding you back which keep you in the pain of your past relationship then dont miss out on this great one time only call! Register your FREE place here

The 3 most important steps to maintaining your self respect in a relationship.

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 12:22:00 +0000

Do you find yourself in the same types of situations or relationships again and again, or is one of your fears that you don’t want to repeat old patterns and end up in the same situation but with someone new?

Or perhaps you are currently in a relationship and you are wondering why you keep ending up in the same place and going round in circles. Here are three ways in which you can re-evaluate what’s happening and make conscious changes for the better.

1 – Be honest with yourself

Only you can decide what you want to change and the only person that you can change is yourself. It has been said that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over again and expecting different results!

Often we know what we don’t want more than what we do want and this can also make you feel like a victim when that is what you think you get. Get really clear on what you do want. Trust your intuition and make choices based on what you know deep down inside will make you feel good about yourself. Being honest with yourself will help you to reset those boundaries and make the changes that you want

2 – Take responsibility

It can be all too easy to allow yourself to feel like a victim of circumstance or other people, but when you do this you are effectively giving up your power and individuality to someone or something else. In some circumstances you may find that there are hidden benefits to playing the role of victim, but essentially; you are not a victim – you play a part in all relationships.

Accepting your part in the relationship, is a huge step towards releasing your own power and individuality and when you take a look at how you are feeling and what your behaviour has been; it will help you to see things from a perspective that will enable you to make changes for the better. Decide what is acceptable and set clear boundaries for yourself as well as others and when necessary discuss these honestly.

3 – Change the way you treat yourself.

If you don’t treat yourself well, how can you expect others to do so! Invest time and energy into yourself and take a long hard look at the things that you say to yourself. If you don’t feel that you are worthy then you will put up with bad behaviour from other people, and again it is about taking responsibility for what you are projecting. So start with you, show some appreciation– until you know what you are worth – you can’t expect others to. Never look for someone else to complete you – complete yourself.

For more ways to learn from the past and create the life and relatiosnhips you want for the future why not sign up for my FREE teleseminar series

Fantastic Creating Confidence FREE Call

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:23:00 +0000

Were you there?

If you missed the Free Call with Confidence Coach Jane Wilmer then don't worry because I recorded it.

During this call Jane took us through some great ways to start to rebuild your confidence after a breakup and putting yourself First for a change. She delved into the different ways that you can be affected by a seperation and how it can really knock your confidence and make you doubt your own abilities. Jane then gave us some brilliant ideas on how you can pick yourself up and really see yourself from a positive angle and treat yourself as you would your best friend.
To hear the call and register for future calls go to:
Free teleseminar series

I hope to see you on future calls

The SECRET to rebuilding your confidence and putting yourself FIRST for a change

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 17:48:00 +0000

FREE TELESEMINAR PROGRAM
If you are ready to break through the barriers that have been holding you back and keeping you in the pain of your past relationships and stopping you from living your life the way you really want to, then don't miss out on this FREE 4-part Teleseminar Series.

CALL #1 starting Tuesday 28th JULY at 8.00p, GMT (3.00pm US Eastern)

The SECRET to rebuilding your CONFIDENCE and putting yourself FIRST for a change. with Susan Savery & Special Guest Expert Jane Wilmer

Sign up here:
http:www.susansavery.co.uk/4part_teleseminar_series.html

This call will be recorded and a link send to everyone who registers.

The Art of Loving YOU

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:30:00 +0000

If you don’t look after yourself then you won’t have the energy to look after others. It’s a simple as that. Think of the instructions that you get when you are on a flight waiting to take off and the stewardess tells you about the oxygen masks. The first thing that you are told is to put your own mask on before attempting to help anyone else, including children. This is because if you attempt to help someone else first and then you pass out from lack of oxygen then you are no use to them at all! Well that’s a great lesson to carry through to other areas of your life.

Here are a few ways that you can start to pay more attention to looking after yourself.

Nourish and care for your body – it’s got you to today and you need it to take you a lot further. Eat nutritiously, exercise regularly and make sure that you take time out to relax and replenish yourself.

Look after your emotions – Improve your sense of well being by taking time to relax and enjoy yourself, spend time doing things that you enjoy or being with people whose company you enjoy. Allow yourself to express and understand your feelings by journaling instead of keeping things bottled up.

Feed your brain – Give your brain sustenance by keeping it active, reading, taking up a hobby or dong a course will all help to keep your brain replenished. Apply your brain to creative activities or make a point of thinking creatively about problems to stretch your brain regularly.

Look after your sense of inner self – by meditating, taking walks in beautiful surroundings, regularly spend a few hours on your own; these can all help you to gain an inner sense of calm.

Give yourself a break – we are our own biggest critic. Next time you find yourself berating yourself for something you think you have done wrong, let yourself off – learn from what has happened and forgive yourself. That also includes forgiving yourself for things that have happened in the past. They are gone now – take some time to be grateful for what you learned form it and then let it go.

And as a final note – when you go to sleep at night; take some time to run through your day and think of all the good things that have happened and praise yourself for your achievements – and if you think that you haven’t had any – think again as even the tiniest thing that you did as you wanted is a success, even if it is only making a nice cup of tea!

Don’t forget to sign up for the FREE 4-Part teleseminar series for lots more great tips and ideas from expert speakers to help you create your ideal life.

How to recognise when your relationship may be in trouble.

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 22:45:00 +0000

There are four stages that a relationship goes through when it starts to go wrong and by recognising what they are you are more able to make changes to what’s going on and be able to do something about it before it’s too late.

1. Disillusionment / discontentment

The honeymoon period is over and things start to settle down into a more regular routine, the cracks begin to show, initially they may be small things that you may not have noticed about your partner before or they could be things that you noticed but thought they didn’t really matter and now they are starting to wear you down, whichever way it starts; try and address issues now when they first begin to bother you rather than to allow them to fester and turn into something bigger that is harder to overcome. By being able to discuss issues that are bothering you, and looking for ways to improve the situation you will find that you are more likely to be able to work things through and deal with bigger differences.

2. Deterioration

This is when those cracks turn in chasms and previous discontentment’s can turn into resentment and things really start to deteriorate. Arguments and disagreements can start over nothing because underneath all the little things everything has become a mixture of unhappiness. Relationships need nurturing and working on constantly to enable people to be able to live together and stay together for any length of time. There will always be differences of opinion as you are still two individuals as well as part of a couple. If you don’t work at being part of a couple that decline in the way that you think about the other person can only get worse over time.

3. Detachment / indifference

It is inevitable that after a while you will start to become more and more detached from the other person and start to look outside of the relationship to have your needs met. This does not mean that everyone will have an affair but simply that you are likely to put your attention and emotions elsewhere, whether that is with work, friends, family or other outside activities, and indifference to the other person will settle in and you may even find that you just feel more comfortable when you are not in their company. You stop doing things together and develop other interests. Things that may have been really important to you or that you may have really enjoyed about that other person you are now indifferent to.

4. Separation.

The final stage is when for whatever reason either one of you or both of you decide that you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore and you breakup. This could be by having a trial separation or a complete break. Which ever way it is there will then follow a period of mourning / getting over the relationship. Separation can feel like hard work and feel painful, but if the relationship really wasn’t working, once you come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, building a new and exciting life is the next step.

If you have gone through a breakup or if you are deciding at the moment whether you want to stay in a relationship, you can probably recognise the various stages above and fit your own experiences to each stage.

Whether you want to look at ways to improve your existing relationship, decide whether you want to separate or are currently getting over a breakup and feel like you need help to create some clarity and understanding, why not contact me for a free consultation, where you can discover what it is you really want

Keep comparing everyone to your ex?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:47:00 +0000

I was speaking to a client the other day about a new guy that she was dating. She was talking about how she quite liked him and was enjoying his company on dates but she kept comparing him to her ex and looking for the same spark that she felt when she first met her ex. Now she totally recognises that her ex was all wrong for her and that the relationship was a disaster from the begining, but everytime she met someone new she couldn't seem to stop herself from comparing them and finding something missing.

Now I know from talking to other people that this is a common occurance when starting to date again after a serious relationship, and that lots of people have trouble letting go of the past and looking forward to the future.

When people connect in a way that makes them feel that they have found the one and this is it, it can be difficult to let go of the things that attracted you to that person in the first place. Yes in all relationships there are good times and Yes there will be things about that person that you will miss. But what are you really missing? Is it the person or the patterns that the relationship allowed you to play out?

Ultimately when you first make that type of connection with someone it would have very probably been a need or pattern within yourself that would have made the subconscious connection to the other person being able to meet that need.

As the client in question stated this new guy seemed too 'nice' and she felt that there was a lack of excitement in that fact. She wasn't used to a 'nice' guy and didn't know how to react and behave with a 'nice' guy. To her the excitement and connection that she felt when she first met her ex was that here was someone she would have to work hard at getting and keeping and that he was slightly bad in someway. And guess what? that's exactly what he turned out to be.

What causes women to continually fall for the bad guy? is also a question that nice guys often ask. Well its not necessarily the guy - it's the patterns of behaviour that are triggered and when those patterns have replayed themselves a few times, that's what the subconscious is attracted to.

What can you do about these patterns - start to recognise where they are occuring and slowly train yourself with new patterns. In the case of my client, she decided to relax and get used to know what it's like to date a nice guy, so that even if he wasn't the one, she would know how to compare what it felt like to be treated well and be able to recognise that more in the future.

Get my Free e-course guide to getting over a past relationship and creating a great new life at
Picking up the pieces

Eliminate the Pain of a Broken Heart and Transform your Life!

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:58:00 +0000

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Wow, what can I say? I am so excited!

After talking to and working with so many women who like me have come out of a long term relationship and had to start over again, and looking at the common problems and issues that effect them, I have been working hard to find ways to help and support you to overcome those problems as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

I’ve been burning the midnight oil and it’s been a long time in the making. I thought the day would never arrive. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am to get this out to you all.

I’ll be sharing top tips that will help you to get through the initial breakup, let go of the past and have a life and relationships that you really want, without settling for second best!

So if you want to gain access to a host of really great information to help you get over a breakup and create a future that you not only WANT, but DESERVE then you will want to hot foot it over to Picking up the Pieces and grab my BRAND NEW GIVEAWAYS!

So don’t delay, join all the other amazing women who have been waiting to get their hands on this life changing information. It will be a delight to have you join us.

Don’t miss it! Sign up here. Picking up the Pieces

See you in a few days

Warmest wishes to you all,

Susan Savery
Fresh Start Relationship Coach

For more information on How to get over the pain of a past relationship so you can take your life to a new level visit www.susansavery.co.uk

What happens when you don't see eye to eye?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:32:00 +0000

We all have different perspectives and sometimes we can get stuck thinking that if other people don’t see things the same way that we do then we have big problems.

How many times have you told someone something that you are really excited about and their response puts an instant downer on things and you lose the excitement that you had only a moment ago? I know it’s happened to me many a time.

When this happens you have a choice – and boy do I love choices. You can choose to allow yourself to get upset and feel negative about what the other person has said and possibly lose interest and enthusiasm for what ever it was that you were excited about or you can look at things from their perspective even if only for a moment to find ways of improving or adding to your idea in the first place.

When you look at things from a different perspective you can actually open up a whole host of new areas and ideas for yourself.

Sometimes something that you can argue about for ages is just a matter of perspective. Think about the last time you had or witnessed an argument, you could probably see two clearly different points of view and possibly a third if you were a witness to the argument, but really it’s simply a matter of different perspectives.

Think about something that you may be having a disagreement about at the moment and suspend your belief for a short time to look at the other person’s perspective. What new ideas or questions come to you that could maybe improve things or bring about a compromise.

By looking at things from a different perspective you release yourself from being trapped in beliefs that ‘this is the way it is and has to be’

Try it, remember you are not losing anything, you don’t have to give anything up - you are simply gaining a new perspective and understanding of yourself and others.

Feeling shocked at breaking up?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 19:57:00 +0000

Following on from my previous post about the stages of breakup, when you first come out of a relationship, whether you are the one doing the dumping or the one who has been dumped, there is always a kind of shock. For some people it is huge and for others it's a brief moment of having to shake themselves off and catch their breath.

It may sound strange that if you are the person who has done the 'dumping' that you may feel shocked, at what has happened, but if you have been unhappy for any length of time and have tried to address issues within your relationship and have decided that there is no alternative other than to end things then you will probably still feel an element of shock at the fact that you have finally done something and now what?

You may want to make sudden changes to everything and feel as though you have to get organised and busy yourself to protect yourself from feeling the effects of your decision or you may find yourself overcome with emotion and can't stop crying. Perhaps you even feel numb and find yourself loosing concentration with the simplist of things.

Try and resist making hasty decisions about big matters at the moment and wait for the dust to settle.
Keeping to a routine will help you maintain some focus at a time when you are probably finding it difficult to concentrate.
Keep plans to a minimum and stick to going places and being with people that make you feel safe. It's easy to fill your time up and then wonder what on earth you are doing somewhere.

For more information about how to get over a breakup as quickly and as painlessly as possible check out Picking up the Pieces

The 8 stages of relationship break - up

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Thu, 14 May 2009 17:12:00 +0000

It's always difficult when you are coming out of a relationship, especially if it is one that you have been in for a long time. Whether you are the person instigating the split or not, even when you know that splitting up is the best thing for all involved; breaking up can still be a painful and emotional time. According to research there are various stages to the grieving process and these can also be applied to relationship breakup, afterall you are not only losing your connection to the other person, but you are also letting go of all your hopes and dreams of your life with that person and this is one of the main reasons that breaking up can be so very hard to do.

Photo By carbonNYC

I am going to talk more about each stage in future posts but for now here are the 8 stages of the grieving / break-up process:

Shock
Denial
Numbness
Fear / worthlessness
Anger
Letting Go
Rebuilding of Self
Understanding and acceptance

Although there is a natural progression through each stage, it is also quite natural to 'jump' back and forth between them. It is essential at each point to explore your feelings and allow yourself to go through the natural grieving process in order to come out the other side bigger and better!

Is your glass half empty or half full?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Thu, 22 May 2008 13:18:00 +0000

It’s a question of perspective. Do you know instantly how you would answer that question? Or do you hover between the two, not quite wanting to be one way or the other but instinctively knowing which one you really are. When you ask yourself this question you are basically summing up the way you measure your levels of happiness and satisfaction. Do you look at life as though your glass is half empty? Only noticing what is missing or do you think your glass is half full; crammed with all the good things that you have in your life.

Satisfaction and happiness are interlinked, yet it often seems easier to measure how satisfied you are rather than how happy you are. Satisfaction can appear to be easier to achieve than happiness yet when you think about it, if you are satisfied with the result of something you become happier in that area.

To read the rest of this article and my tips on creating happiness visit:
http://www.susansavery.co.uk/articles/article6.html

or to sign up for my new FREE 6 part coaching e-course visit:
http://www.susansavery.co.uk/signup.html

Who do you admire and why?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 15:42:00 +0000

I had a great time last night hosting my life club and everyone else seemed to really enjoy themselves as well which created a great atmosphere.

Last nights topic was about recognising the qualities that we already have. We started off by looking at the things that annoy us in other people and recognising that a lot of the time these things annoy us because we see those things in ourselves. This can sound harsh but the flip side is that if we recognise in others the things we don't lie about ourselves then we can also recognise that the things we admire in others are also reflected in ourselves.

We don't always see this at first, but take some time to think about those people that you admire. What is the main quality that they have that you really do admire them for. Is it their confidence or the ability to remain calm in stressful situations? Now think about yourself. What would it take for you to recognise that you have these qualities also. You may not use that quality in eactly the same way, but the fact that you notice it means it is reflected in you.

Come up with a list of qualities that you didn't realise you possess. Revel in these new found qualities and think of situations where you can use them in the future. Remind yourself everyday that you possess these wonderful qualities. I know it's a great way of boosting my own confidence and last night my clubbers agreed.

To find out more about Life Clubs visit:
http://www.susansavery.co.uk/lifeclub.html

or to sign up for my new FREE 6 part coaching e-course visit:
http://www.susansavery.co.uk/signup.html

Setting clear successful goals!

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 15:42:00 +0000

It's that time of year again. We set some resolutions on January 1st and now here we are on the 14th January - how many of us are still sticking to them? A lot of time we have these ideas of we want to change and we spend most of December 'allowing' ourselves to get away with staying the same because we have pin pointed January 1st as our time for change. Yet here we are and most of them have fallen by the wayside. Why is that. Usually it's because we either set ourselves too many resolutions and we can't stick to them all or we don't make them firm enough or actually want them enough to enable us to make change. That's why this month I have devised the 'A Fresh Approach to Life' Mini coaching program, designed to help set appropriate and firm goals based on what we really want and dealing with all the things that stop us being successful. To get your copy sign up here to get my monthly newsletter and recieve your six-part mini course Free.http://www.susansavery.co.uk/signup.html

Book yourself some 'Me Time' this Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 15:50:00 +0000

We are coming up to a very busy time in most of our lives right now, with Christmas fast approaching. With all the things that we are thinking about right now, we often forget to think about ourselves and can get caught up in all the planning and stress that comes with this time of year. When planning your time this Christmas make sure you set some time aside for yourself. Even if it's only 20 mins to relax. Take a long soak in the bath, read a good book or go for a relaxing walk. Knowing that you have set aside some time for yourself can free up some of that stress that builds, especially if most of your plans are surrounding other people.

For more tips on how to have a stress free time this Christmas visit my article 'What are you focusing on this Christmas?' at www.susansavery.co.uk

What affects your focus?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 17:50:00 +0000

This week I have been thinking a lot about focus and what draws you away from it.

How many times do you have things you want to do and you get drawn away from them by things going on in your head? It's that constant chatter that can sometimes go round and round in our heads and stop us from focusing on those important things we want to get done. I find the following exercise helpful to bring me back in focus, when I get caught up in the superficial chatter going on.

I take a couple of minutes out to relax and recharge my batteries. I call up my favourite image of me lying on a beach and listening to the waves moving backwards and forwards against the shore. I picture the white sand around me and the feel of the sun on my skin, the distant sound of childrens laughter helps to remind me of times when I was young and before lifes stresses had a chance to take over. While imagining this, I start to feel myself relax. I feel the stress drain out from my head and down through my limbs until it slips out my toes and onto the sand, draining away across the sand into the sea to be washed away by the waves. After I take a few minutes out from stressful times to do this I find that when I open my eyes I feel more focused and the chatter in my head has gone. I can then work out easily what is most important to me in that moment and focus on it.

When you practice this often it becomes easy to quickly put yourself within your image and clear your mind.

Try it - what's your most relaxing memory? take it and amplify it so you can use it to help you clear your mind and regain focus.

If you would like help creating the focus you desire for whats important to you, why not sign up for one of my complimentary 'Fresh approach to Life sessions at www.susansavery.co.uk

What would you choose?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 15:02:00 +0000

This week I have been thinking a lot about choice. It's so easy to get wrapped up in situations, whether they make you angry, feel under pressure, exasperated or sad. We can often forget that we have a choice.

I am a firm follower of the fact that we choose our response, even if I sometimes have to remind myself of this and make a conscious effort to do so.

Its very easy to get caught up feeling angry or sad about things, or even getting involved in the spiral of arguments, blaming the way we feel on others, when actually its us that allow ourselves to be angry or upset by things. We can choose whether we want to allow ourselves to carry around the negativity or whether we choose to not let it affect us.

When I find myself getting cross with other people I remind myself that we are all individuals and that everyone is doing whatever it takes for them to get where they want to be in certain situations and that their point of view may be different but that doesn't mean they are setting out to upset me or anyone else.

Why not try it. Next time you start to feel angry about something - choose not to let it affect you. See how much better you feel.

Creating a Successful Mindset

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 22:03:00 +0000

I have just spent the weekend as a crew member at the Christopher Howard 'Break Through to Success' seminar, and what a fantastic weekend it was. 4000 people attended and spent time working on their goals, realigning their values and removing the negative attitudes and fears that stand in their way. Brilliant! It was great to be a part of something where so many people were focusing on creating a better life for themselves and has inspired me to really think about what being succssful means. The dictionary describes success as an event that accomplishes its purpose. Whether thats becoming a better person or coming to the end of a goal that you have set yourself. Put simply success is completing what you set out to do.

How many times do we recognise our successes? Take some time to recognise all the things that you do on a daily basis that you can count as successes. Build up a list and notice just how successful you really are. Once I started to really recognise the amount of things I was successful at I took a good look at all the goals I have and realised that if I apply a more successful attitude to my approach I am more likely to achieve a successful outcome. Its that old self fulfilling prophecy again. Try it and notice how successful you start to feel. Apply it to your goals. For more success tips sign up for my Free newsletter at www.susansavery.co.uk

If you would like to attend the next Christopher Howard 'Breakthrough to Success' weekend click here for complimentary tickets and enrolment.

Decision making - What makes you tick?

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 13:17:00 +0000

Discover your Core Values.
How many times have you had a decision to make and you just can’t seem to feel comfortable about what you want or have to do? We often make choices and struggle to find the motivation to take them forward. I have had countless times when I have felt uncomfortable with a decision I need to make or having made a choice have felt something holding me back;stopping me from actually getting on with it. After closer reflection I usually discover that my choice is either moving me away from my values or conflicting in some way. It helps to have a better understanding of what our core values are.

What’s important to you?
Our values are the internal compass that guides us through life. Whether we are conscious of them or not, they are behind all of our thoughts and actions. Without even knowing it we make choices based on our core values and their underlying meaning to us as individuals.

This then has an effect on our choices and decision making. When we make decisions in support of our values, we feel confident and motivated, which helps us to build a passion for achieving the things we want to do. If, however, we make choices that take us against our values, we become uncomfortable and feelings of unrest and unhappiness can set in. This feeling is frequently referred to as ‘gut instinct’.

Try this simple values elicitation exercise to help you understand what is really important to you...read more

Thinking outside the box

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 11:56:00 +0000

Tapping into our different resourceful selves. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut with our thinking patterns. In order to help us to apply a different, more positive attitude to our tasks it can be an advantage to remind ourselves of our various qualities and capabilities. What have we used in the past in other situations. How can we benefit from these experiences and apply the qualities used to our current situation.

This exercise is to help you tap into your different resourceful selves; giving you a fresh approach to the task in hand... read more

Boost your confidence - be prepared!

noreply@blogger.com (Susan Savery) — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 10:53:00 +0000

How many times have you got caught up in worrying about something you want to do? The fear that builds up can sap away at your confidence until you start to convince yourself that either you will never succeed, things are impossible or that you don't really want to do it anyway. It's certainly happened to me before.

One of the tricks that I have found to be really helpful in the past is to remind myself that its normal to feel apprehensive before taking on something new. I literally take myself back to basics and take some time remembering how I have felt in the past when I was less than confident about something. I go over in my head the steps I took to achieve what I wanted and most importantly;the lessons that I learnt. I remind myself of past successes no matter how small.

Most of the time we tend to feel lacking in confidence because we are unsure of something. There are grey areas in what we can expect or what we think is expected of us. We think of all the things that may go wrong or worry about what we don't know. We can also get caught up in the fear of failure and worrying about how we will look to others.

Preparation – Think about the things that are bothering you. Write a list and work through them one by one; eliminating them as much as possible. Will you get asked something you can’t answer? What will the situation be?

Cover your bases - Find out as much as you can, ask questions; take your time to prepare. (Beware not to allow preparation turn into procrastination).

When we are prepared we automatically feel more confident. Remember a time when you felt completely confident and prepared for a situation. Perhaps it was having a specific conversation with someone or meeting a group of new people. What did you do in the past? How can you prepare? Do you need to think about the aspects of the conversation you want to have? What kind of response do you think you might get? What might they ask you? Is there anything you can find out before hand? What sort of people are they, what are their interests.

How did you go about finding out this information before? Who could you ask? There are lots of ways in which you can increase your confidence by being prepared. Think about what fits the situation and get prepared!