SUNDAYHOP

Happy Birthday Chuck Norris, You're 70 and Can Destroy Anyone

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 10:11:00 +0000

Chuck Norris was born this day in 1940, making him way older than anybody thought he was. At 70 he will be able to exercise his right to early bird specials, priority seating on the bus, and social security. By that I mean he will be serviced by a flock of hand maidens each morning, he will take your seat on the bus by force, and he'll kick anyone's ass that messes with the USA - social security, bitch!

Chuck Norris is of course, the subject of a internet fad that cropped up in 2005 involving Chuck and incredible feats of strength and awesomeness. This could have been brought on by Conan O'Brien's introduction of the Walker Texas Ranger Lever on his show, Late Night. Conan would keep the lever by his desk and simply pull it to play a 5-second clip of WTR featuring Chuck Norris' amazing feats like shooting a man out of a helicopter with a snub-nosed pistol, destroying 6 bad guys single-handedly, or saving falling babies from burning buildings.

Norris served in the US Air Force before beginning his martial arts movie and television career. He has kicked ass on all continents, indiscriminantly and thoroughly. He starred with Bruce Lee in Way of the Dragon, also kicking lots of ass. He then went on to police all of Texas by himself and sweep Christie Brinkly off her feet with his Total Gym machine. So here's to you, Chuck Norris, happy 70th birthday. You still have the vitality of three twenty year olds, so keep on roudhouse kicking! And Now, some of my favorite Chuck Norris Jokes:

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris got his driver's license at age 16. Seconds.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian... meaning he does not eat animals until he first puts them into a vegetative state with his fists.

Chuck Norris doesn't own a microwave or oven, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Feel the Rhythm, Feel the Rhyme, Get on Up! It's...Iditarod Time?

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:19:00 +0000

You know they can't believe, Jamaica, we have a dogsled team!

Newton Marshall is a former Jamaican tour guide turned dogsled racer. He is the first Jamaican musher to compete in Alaska's Iditarod - a dogsled race of over 1,100 miles across the frozen plains of Alaska that starts in Anchorage. He's no slouch either; he is the first Jamaican to ever finish the 1,000 mile Yukon Quest dogsled race, coming in 13th out of 29. Finishing in the top half is spectacular for Newton when most rookies don't even complete the race at all.

Marshall trained in Jamaica using a sled with wheels on the bottom and mutts borrowed from the Jamaica Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Now, with sponsorship backing from (of all people) Jimmy Buffett and his Margaritaville restaurant chain, he's got a team of the best bred dogs in the business and has been training in Alaska with some of the best coaches in the world.

"I thought from the beginning it was just very cool what he was doing," Buffett said. "I thought it was so far out there, but it made people smile when they heard about it." Jimmy met Marshall when Marshall worked for a tour company owned by Buffet's friend. Jimmy immidiately toked some reefer and decided to become Newton's number one sponsor. Jimmy Buffet inexplicably leads probably the most relaxed, filthy-stinking-rich life of all time. Newton Marshall as a result gets to dogsled and have all the tequilla he can drink.

The Iditarod is a whole different game from a wheeled sled being pulled by stray dogs. It's dogsledding's world cup, a race over 1,100 miles and has over 70 mushers, all of whom are experienced professionals. And if you screw up there is no slow clap from onlooking fans out in the wilderness by yourself. Newton says he's worried about the cold because he got a bit of frostbite on his nose during the last race.

Read more here.

Whitehouse Loses Beer/Jersey Bet With Whatever House Canadians Are Ruled From

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 09:28:00 +0000

President Barack Obama and Whitehouse Press Secretary Robert Gibbs have lost a bet to their Canadian counterparts, Prime Minister Stephen Harper and Spokesman Dimitri Soudas. Obama is having a 24-pack of Molson Canadian to Harper's office while Gibbs has to run a press conference while wearing a bright red Canadian hockey jersey, complete with maple leaf.

Pretty funny stuff from our nations' collective leadership. It's good to see that they've retained a sense of humor in all that's going on athletically, economically, and politically. When asked about the beer delivery, Gibbs responded "We are working on the delivery." Had Obama won, Harper would have had to deliver 24 American beers to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Worse is the bed that Robert Gibbs made for himself. He first bet Soudas that the US women would beat the Canadian women; loser has to wear an opponents jersey to an off-camera press meeting. After losing, Gibbs stepped his game up and offered a double down on the US men to beat Canada. This time the loser would have to do an entire on-camera press conference in the opposing country's jersey. "I'll be getting him the jersey over the next couple of days," Soudas said Monday afternoon. Note: this is not what Gibbs will look like.

Killer Whale Hates Being Called 'Orca', Kills Trainer To Remind Everyone

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 15:05:00 +0000

The world is apparently shocked today by the news that a killer whale killed someone. Tillikum, a 30-year old Orca who has performed at SeaWorlds almost his whole life, gnashed someone to death... surprisingly? He's been "linked" to two other killings in 1991 and 1999 and implicated, but never charged in another attempted murder in 2006. After the last attack, Tillikum was moved to Seaworld Orlando and renamed from his original monicker, "USS Deathbringer" as this name spooked his trainers.

Tillikum is a 12,000 pound whale who has lived in a 35 foot deep tank pretty much his entire life. Even though the whale had killed twice before, Seaworld thought "ya know, what're the real chances of that happening again?!" You can simluate his existence at home by putting a toddler in a bathtub, feeding him nothing but corn and forcing him to stay there night and day. WARNING: Toddle may become upset and try to bite your fingers, pull you under during simulation.

The incident occurred about 2 p.m. Wednesday. Tillikum, had just finished a session with his trainer, who was standing by the side of his pool and leaning over the whale, rubbing his head. Onlookers at SeaWorld were allegedly shocked when the Killer whale reared up and grabbed trainer Dawn Brancheau, 40, pulling her into the tank and thrashing her to death. Those same onlookers were also shocked upon hearing that Steely Dan is not one person and that James Dean was an actor, not the guy who makes sausage. Witnesses said they heard the stadium organist playing the theme to Jaws just before the attack.

PETA, who have been campaigning for year to have people stop using the term 'Killer Whale' and instead call them Orca whales, when reached for comment said, "Oh, yeah, about that.... never mind." Other groups that were unable to be reached for comment include The League of People Who Keep Chimps as Pets and the Grizzly Bear for Petting Zoos Association

USA beats Canada in Ice Hockey; Canadians "Darn Ticked Off Aboot It You Betcha', Friend"

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 10:30:00 +0000

As the final seconds ticked off the clock at last night's USA v Canada hockey match, Canadians took to the streets of Vancouver to riot, Canuck-style. They raided Pizza Pizza's and Tim Hortons, tipping over stools, leaving crumpled napkins on tabletops, taking pennies from the "leave one, take one" bowls, and crossing the streets at non-crosswalk points. One fan angrily placed an empty coffee cup on the roof of a nearby car before storming away to rejoin the riot. Another poured out a Labatt Blue that was only half-drank and then placed the bottle in a non-recycling trash can. It was total chaos.

The Canadian psyche was dealt a massive blow as the USA beat Canada in Olympic competition for the first time in over 50 years. The 5-3 victory was iced on a last minute poke-in on Canada's empty net as the home team tried to get an equaliser with six skaters on the ice. It was the first time the two teams have met since the 2002 Olympics where Canada won 5-2. This US team however was almost completely new, with Brian Rafalski being the only real veteran from previous US national teams. Fresh-faced newbies fill out the US roster to a large extent.

It was a back-and-forth affair with the US going ahead first only to have Canada tie them up as they repeatedly exchanged goals. At 4-3 in the third period, it wasn't until 44 seconds left that the Americans were able to put the nail in the coffin with Ryan Kessler's empty netter. Tempers flared in the aftermath with team Canada's Dany Heatley telling Brian Rafalski, "Hey, I'm not your friend, guy!" to which Rafalski replied, "I'm not your guy, buddy!"

The US hockey team is the youngest at the 2010 games. They had worked to overhaul the team by replacing old standbys like Keith Tkachuk, Mike Modano, and Bill Guerin. Now rife with kids in their 20s, team USA looks poised to have a good route through to the medal podium. It was a fitting victory for a US team that had donned 1960 throwback jerseys to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the gold medal won at Squaw Valley. It was also the day before the 30th anniversary of the 1980 Miracle on Ice over the Russians.

No word on whether the local Tim Hortons and Pizza Pizza's will be able to open on time the day after the violent rioting. Extra staff will be brought in to upright stools, pick up trash, and guide old women across the street. Also no word on if Dany Heatly will ever again be my buddy, friend.

Since He's the Only Raider That Can Score, Al Davis Gives Janikowski 4-Year $16mil Deal

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 12:53:00 +0000

Proving that he's still completely senile, Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis has signed kicker Sebastian Janikowski to a 4-year, $16 million deal - $9 million of which is guaranteed money. Janikowski was a free agent following the 2009 season and was pretty much the only player on the Raiders who scored any points at all for the whole season. The new contract makes Janikowski the richest kicker ever in the NFL and makes Al Davis the oldest dumbass in the NFL.

That being said, Janikowski is coming off the best season of his career. He's spent ten years with Oakland, but notched his best marks in 2009. He made 26 of 29 field goals, including six kicks of at least 50 yards with a 61-yarder that was the fourth longest in NFL history. Janikowski also had 17 touchbacks on 58 kickoffs for the sixth-best mark in the league last season. I still don't see how $4mil a year is justified unless the Raiders' gameplan is going to continue to be, "have every offensive drive sputter out around the 50 yardline and then have Janikowski kick a 50+ yard field goal."

The only other plays in Tom Cable's Raider playbook are called "J Russell-10 razor-fumble right" and "J Russell-blue 42-interception left". So on second thought maybe keeping the long bomb kicker on the roster isn't such a bad idea. Janikowski was drafted in the first round of 2000 by the Raiders, but missed 10 kicks in his first season. He was the first specialist (K, P, etc) to be taken in the first round in over 20 years, proving Davis was already on his way to senility a decade ago. In his first three seasons, Sebastian only hit 76% of his kicks, but in 2008 became the Raiders' all-time leading scorer, proving just how much the Oakland Raiders really do suck on offense.

Megan Fox Assumes Her Birthright As Emporio Armani Underwear Spokesbabe

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 09:36:00 +0000

Megan Fox has usurped Victoria Beckham as the new Armani women's underwear spokesperson. I'm assuming that Emporio Armani chose her based upon her keen wit and stunning intellect (boobs). Fox was the obvious next choice as up-and-coming international sex symbol, and with Cristiano Ronaldo already taking the reins from David Beckham, Victoria was soon to exit anyway.

Fox will be on for 2010 at least as the Armani underwear and women's jeans model. She's only 23 so I see a bright future in women's underwear billboards for the next several years! Megan replaced Victoria Beckham after she was signed as the new face of Emporio Armani's Women’s Underwear for Spring/Summer 2010 last October. Speaking of his new spokesbabe, Giorgio Armani said, "Megan is young and sexy and has a lot of spirit. Both Emporio Armani Underwear and Armani Jeans are all about a youthful attitude, making her the perfect choice for the collections."

Translation: "Posh Spice is old and busted, that Megan Fox is so hot right now and I hear she's about to unveil her new look, 'blue steel'."

Billboards are sprouting up showing off Fox's bod around New York, London, and Paris as we speak. Megan's eight tattoos have all been digitally removed, for what reason I don't know... She's got some badass tattoos and that's the new youthful hotness right now, but I guess the Armani Photoshop squad was on a roll and just went ahead and touched up her ink while they were at it? Either way, she kinda makes you want to put on some women's underwear, doesn't she?

There Are Pants and Then There Are Norwegian Pants

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 10:52:00 +0000

These pants would be the latter... This is the the Norwegian olympic curling squad during their practice round a couple days ago in Vancouver , BC. I believe that the Vikings bought those pants directly from a John Daly yard sale just before they arrived in Canada. That can be the only explanation. Good thing those pants ARE AWESOME.

When asked about the pants, team captain Thomas Ulsrud said "My Second (in command) is a real flashy dresser and he is trying to convert the rest of the team. I guess we have to have a team meeting and see what happens.

"There are no rules against the pants, but there may be after this," said the aforementioned second-in-command Christoffer Svae. "The WCF is working on a dress code, but I do not think they have implemented it yet."

The WCF is the World Curling Federation and thankfully they must be bogged down in pantaloon red tape because now the world gets to enjoy those pants for two weeks as the Norse team struts them around the curling center in Vancouver. I only hope they make those pants available for purchase on the Norwegian Curling team website!

Superbowl Commercials Saved From Total Suck By Megan Fox in a Bathtub

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:43:00 +0000

Give Tiger Woods' Mistresses a Tap, Tap, Taperoo

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:08:00 +0000

This could be one of the most hilariously-in-bad-taste things I've ever seen: a twelve-pack of golf balls printed with the faces of Tiger's 12 mistresses. The slogan? "He likes to play a round with them... now you can too!" Notice the subtle cleverness of the a-round pun. They are being marketed by a Canadian company called Creative Classics. They offer two sets, one to actually play with and one for collectors, price at $44.95+S&H and up.

With your purchase you get Rachel the celeb slut, Cori the 31-year-old mom, Jaime the waitress, Holly the pornstar, Kalika the club promoter, Loredana the playmate, Jaime 2 the "escort", Mindy the Perkins waitress, Julie the Roxy club model, Theresa the old maid, and Cougar - the mysterious 12th woman whose details are just emerging.

Former porn star Joslyn James AKA Holly (whose real name is Veronica Siwik-Daniels) is none too pleased with her face being on the golf balls. She's retained lawyer-to-the-porn-stars, Gloria Allred to fight the sale of the fabulous golf ball sets. Siwik-Daniels claims she feels it is wrong for a golf ball to have her picture on it with implications of violence against women saying, "because golfers hit their golf bars with a lot of force."

Veronica, you're right, golf "bars" defintiely pack a lot of punch. Allred says, "We have pointed out that encouraging golfers to use clubs to hit a woman's face that is portrayed on a golf ball is a dangerous and reprehensible act because it encourages violence against women." I'm not sure I see the connection there Gloria, unless maybe you've got the course record round in your sites and on the 18th green your wife burps from the golfkart in mid-putt, causing your ball to rim out and trickle down into the nearby water-hazzard. Then maybe a little golf-barring is called for! (Just kidding)

Siwik-Daniels claims she was "in love" with Tiger during their one-year fling. She made public a text message Woods allegedly sent to her in October: "Baby, I'm not going anywhere or doing anything. You please me like no other has or ever will. I am not losing that ..." Sorry Tiger, but looks like your lost that, along with a ton of sponsors, possibly your wife and kids, and your stature. It's a sad day, but perhaps some novelty golf balls will cheer you up!

You can get your own get right here!

National Signing Day is Here and Alabama Fans Are Smart-Not

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:22:00 +0000

February 3rd is signing day for all the little high school seniors who have been offered scholarships to play football in the NCAA. It's a huge day for those kids and their parents - they will be signing letters of intent, binding them to attend and play football for the school that they choose for the next four or five years. It's also a big day for rabid college football fans who see the future of their teams in the recruiting classes that come in each February.

Fans following recruiting has become a big business with sites like Rivals and Scout covering recruiting almost exclusively - even ESPN has setup a bush-league recruiting news division to compete. But recruit ratings and stars are hardly a measure of how good the player will actually be a couple years down the road. And some fan bases might go just a bit too far in their love of their team.

Those fans are Alabama Crimson Tide fans. Alabama is good at football, very good, the school revolves around it and lives and dies by their success on the gridiron. That's all well and good except for that the whole book-learnin' thing goes by the wayside - as evidenced here.

This year, Alabama's athletic dept took signing day to a new level - they setup a live webcam stream of the fax machine in the football offices... the only purpose of which was to allow Alabamans a chance to sit and stare at a picture of an inert machine and then watch pieces of paper come out (recruits fax their letters of intent to their school). If this sounds awesome, then you are retarded and should be fired from the job at which you were staring at a picture of a fax machine. I can recreate this experience in living color at my office right here, in fact I can do it in three different rooms with different models of fax machine. I see no reason why anyone would spend time watching a video of a fax machine; it probably saves you about 5 seconds of time seeing a letter come in versus waiting for an intern to pull the piece of paper out and post the news online.

I believe the only logical next move for Alabama is to stream a video of paint drying after they paint a new A on the athletic department wall - and I'm sure the viewership would be high as Alabamans tuned in to see the action. Perhaps they will go with a spring football coverage webcam of the turf in their stadium so that people can watch that green, green grass grow. Oh boy...

Here is the link in case you're interested. I warn you, it's JUST A STUPID FAX MACHINE!!

Who Dat Think the NFL is Greedy?!

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:13:00 +0000

For those who missed this story, the NFL has recently come down on several Mom-and-Pop retailers in the New Orleans area who have been printing and selling 'Who Dat?' merchandise ahead of the Saints' appearance in this year's Superbowl. 'Who Dat?' has been a rallying cry for the New Orleans Saints since the early 1980s and now the NFL has peacocked-up to say that it owns the exclusive trademark rights to the phrase and that none may use it without licensing is from them for around one-hundred billion dollars, muahahahaha.

K, not that much, but still - you can imagine what the NFL is asking for the phrase and you can extrapolate that it's way more than a Mom-and-Pop tshirt shop is able to afford. The league has sent out cease and desist notices to New Orleans vendors threatening legal action against anyone who uses the term with the NFL's consent. Basically they are taking away a fan-base's phrase saying that if they want it back, they'll have to pay the NFL to have it one their shirt. As you can guess, Louisiana is not exactly pleased.

U.S. Sen. David Vitter of Louisiana stepped up to the plate yesterday and sent the following letter to National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell protesting the NFL's efforts to claim exclusive rights to the term "Who Dat."

Roger Goodell
CommissionerNational Football League
280 Park Avenue, 15th Floor
New York, NY 10017

Dear Commissioner Goodell:
I was stunned to learn recently that the NFL is taking the position that it owns the exclusive trademark of the term "Who Dat" and has even threatened legal action against some mom-and-pop merchants selling t-shirts using the term. I would urge you to drop this obnoxious and legally unsustainable position and instead agree that "Who Dat" is in the public domain, giving no one exclusive trademark rights.

This letter will also serve as formal legal notice that I am having t-shirts printed that say "WHO DAT say we can't print Who Dat!" for widespread sale in commerce. Please either drop your present ridiculous position or sue me.

"Who Dat" was probably first heard in New Orleans minstrel shows well over 130 years ago. Much more recently, but before it was used in connection with the Saints, it was used as a rallying cry by St. Augustine High School in New Orleans. In the 1980s it was adopted by Saints fans in a completely spontaneous way. Only later did any legal persons, including the Saints and the NFL, try to claim it through registration.

Perhaps more significant than this history, "Who Dat" has become part of New Orleans and Louisiana popular culture. For the NFL to try to claim exclusive ownership of it would be like me registering and trying to claim exclusive ownership of the terms "lagniappe" and "laissez les bons temps rouler!?

Under Paul Tagliabue's leadership, the NFL was an unbelievable partner in helping us recover and rebuild after Hurricane Katrina. Thank you again. We look forward to your dropping your "Who Dat" position so that this partnership can continue without strain or blemish.
Sincerely,

David Vitter
Junior Senator of Who Dat Nation

Suck on that Goodell. I'm pretty happy to see a senator step up like that for his constituents. He actually asks the NFL to sue him if they see fit - which I'm hoping jars the NFL into realizing that they've created a public relations shitstorm or the decade. Suing a US senator who is defending his state is probably not the right move for the league. I hope they come to the realization that they shouldn't be bullying into team markets and taking team's slogans for themsleves in the name of profit. Good on you, David Vitter, way to man up!

If a Pro Bowl is Played in Miami, Does it Make a Sound?

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 15:44:00 +0000

I'm fairly certain that about 100 people showed up to watch the NFL Pro Bowl this past Sunday. With powerhouse QB's like Vince Young, David Gerrard, and Matt Schaub leading the way, the "all-stars" were apparently shown on live TV and radio broadcasts nationwide. Sadly, nobody noticed.

New Orleans Finally Reach the Superbowl

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:56:00 +0000

The hopes of an entire state are riding on the New Orleans Saints. The A'ints as they used to be called have been pretty much a laughing stock throughout their whole history. Finally, at long last, they've made it to the big game and left the exclusive club of NFL franchises that have never been in the Superbowl. The only teams left that have never made an appearance are the Browns, Lions, Texans, and Jaguars. The final two can be excused, Cleveland and Detroit are just downright awful and it's hard to see that ever changing. They both have been around since before the inception of the Superbowl itself...

New Orleans fans are quite happy to be off the dubious list of underachieving NFL squads. They follow the Arizona Cardinals who managed to leave the bottom-dwellers squad last season when they played against the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Saints will face off against the Indianapolis Colts on February 7th in Miami.

I actually like the Saints to win the Superbowl. The NFC has been the stronger conference all season with teams from the NFC North and East beating up on their AFC opponents. The Saints have a strong running game with Pierre Thomas and a Warner/Rams-eques passing attack run by Drew Brees. Brees has Marques Colston, Devery Henderson, Robert Meachem, and Lance Moore to choose from - all reliable receivers with a nack for catching anything that comes their way. Along with three solid TE's, New Orleans is looking good this year. While I can't call them "my team", I was born in New Orleans and so I'm taking them under my wing as the Sundayhop personal favorites to win the Superbowl. Go Saints!

NBC Bids Conan Adieu, Not Much Really Left To Watch on NBC

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:10:00 +0000

...Unless you like watching fat people in not-very-funny situations (I prefer funny fatties) on The Biggest Loser, NBC's only successful show currently. NBC lags behind every network in almost all timeslots in primetime except for during airings of Biggest Loser and recently, The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. Biggest Loser appeals to the people-who-like-watching-fat-people-in-agony segment of middle America, which also coincides with Jay Leno's demographic.

Conan reached a deal early on Thursday morning (around 4am EST) with NBC that will give him $32 million to walk away from the Tonight Show, not appear on or host another show for a year, and not degrade NBC in general. The deal also includes $12 million to be distributed amongst O'Brien's staff of writers, performers, and production staff.

The deal means that Jay Leno will retake the Tonight Show starting next week and Conan gets to go on a vacation until a year is up. At that point, it has been speculated that another network such as Fox will snap him up and give him back a 11:35 EST show. The initial divide of course started because Jay Leno's 10PM time slot variety show was cancelled due to poor ratings. NBC execs said they would give Jay's show another try at 11:30 for a half hour following the news and bumping the Tonight Show back to 12:05am afterwards.

O'Brien, who has hosted The Tonight Show for just seven months, objected to the change. He said in a Jan. 12 letter addressed to "People of Earth" that moving the show back would "seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting." NBC decided they could do without Conan (I somehow doubt it) and decided it would be a better course of action to lose Conan than Leno. Read more here.

Emmanuelle Chriqui Named 2010 Most Desireable Woman

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 12:19:00 +0000

Askmen.com's annual online poll has just named Emmanuelle Chriqui the most desireable woman of 2010. Chriqui, believe it or not, is Canadian, but I'm sensing something a little more exotic in the mix as well - plus the name Emmanuelle is just plain sexy because there's no way to shorten it other than 'Elle which is also a beautiful name. She plays Eric's girlfriend on HBO's Entourage and has also been in several films, though never really as a leading lady.

Girls in white T's and tanks kill me.

Emmanuelle beat American model Marisa Miller into second place, with British actress Kate Beckinsale, Brazilian model Alessandra Ambrosio and 'Fantastic Four' star Jessica Alba rounding off the top five. Chriqui took the title in stride saying, "Hearing what the vote is made of is the biggest compliment of all because it's about being a well-rounded woman. That's really empowering and is just a massive compliment to me." She's referring to the fact that Askmen.com isn't polling for the biggest hottie but rather aspects about having the woman as a girlfriend or wife.

It's interesting to note that only one blonde shows up in the top 5, Marissa Miller, and only two in the top ten. Chriqui's leap to the number one spot might be attributed to her increased roll on Entourage. She was 12th in the poll in 2009 but only showed up in a handful of episodes on HBO's hit show. I'm glad she made her way to first, among my friends she was always the hot Entourage topic. Now more pictures of Emmanuelle.

Avatar is Literally Taking Over the World

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 09:46:00 +0000

The Sun, a British daily newspaper, is reporting that the two most popular names for newborn girls at the moment are Ney'tiri and Pandora. Now, I enjoyed Avatar - seen it twice - but I'm not sure that I'm willing to dedicate a newborn's name to the flick! The Sun says that the names have gained huge popularity in both the US and UK baby-making arenas thanks to James Cameron; no word on the international black market baby trade, where I can only assume the most popular names are still CashMoney and Payday.Ney'tiri is the name of the main Navi character, played by Zoe Saldana. She is the princess of the local tribe and the main love interest of bicurious-interspecies Jake Sully. Zoe definitely makes a hot alien huntress, but I am a little bit weirded out that when i typed "Avatar Neytiri" into a Google search for this post, "Avatar Neytiri nipple" was the third suggested auto-fill... awkward! Pandora, on the other hand, is the name of the planet on which the action takes place. Pandora is a moon that seems to orbit a nearby gas giant, similar to Jupiter, and is one of its many moons. The "sun" of that system is Alpha Centari - the closest star to our own Sun.

Avatar has apparently inspired a bunch of mini-Mangini parents to bestow the children with movie names; Eric Mangini, former coach of the NY Jets, famously named his first-born son Brett in a successful attempt to lure Brett Favre out of retirement and play QB for him. Of course, the ruse worked for Mangini for most of the season before Favre bombed the Jets out of the playoffs and Mangini out of his job as head coach. Mangini landed another coaching position in Cleveland and Favre of course is steering the Vikings towards a Superbowl appearance as we speak, but Brett Mangini will forever rue the day his dad sold out to the Favre.

Outside of babies, Avatar is still dominating the box office and looks to pass James Cameron's other epic, Titanic, in a few short days. In the US, Avatar has grossed over $505.1 million at last official count, add that to the $1.2 billion it has gained internationally and you're over $1.7 bil. Titanic's record sits at around $1.842 billion depending on who you ask, but this amount shouldn't be too difficult to topple with upcoming weekend plus stats from MLK day yet to be tallied. After the new record is set you've still got the DVD market to come, so happy payday to Mr. Cameron - better get started on Avatar 2 and 3 ASAP!

Jets Win, Insert Dirty Sanchez Joke Here

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 10:40:00 +0000

Then again, dirty is an apt way to describe Mark Sanchez's performance in last night's game against the San Diego Chargers. Sanchez and the Jets managed to eek out a victory in the second half of their game against the Philip Rivers-led Chargers, 17-14 at the final gun. Sanchez was only 12 of 23 passes for 100 yards with one TD and one interception. I would call that dirty at best. Yet, the Jets will be in the AFC championship game next weekend.

Fortunately for the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets, the Chargers were even sloppier with Nate Kaeding missing three field goals and Rivers getting picked off twice. Kaeding had not missed from inside 40 yards in 29-straight attempts; he missed twice inside 40 last night and once more from a bit further away. All three were makeable from the all-pro kicker, but it just wasn't his night. Rivers's two interceptions didn't help the cause and all of a sudden the NFL's hottest team found themselves down and out. The Chargers had won 11 straight games to end the season and looked to surely make it at least as far as the AFC championship game.

Newly hot road warriors, the Jets, will go from a close win at Qualcomm in San Diego to Lucas Oil Field in Indianapolis next weekend. I wouldn't count on two picks from Peyton Manning next week though, so Sanchez better clean it up because it'll be on him to lead the Jets to paydirt.

Gilbert Arenas Takes Washington Wizards Throwback Day Literally

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:07:00 +0000

When Gilbert Arenas through heard the Wizards were doing a throwback/retro Washington Bullets day, he took it literally.

Nobody realized that Arenas was stocking up on guns faster than Vin Diesel on a Saturday night. Thug life! Gilbert Arambo's locker:

Fall Out Boy Surprised By How Quickly Lane Kiffin Sells Out

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 10:29:00 +0000

Lane Kiffin bolted seemingly overnight from Rocky Top Tennessee to the sunny beaches of Southern California after only one season at the Volunteers' head coach. When reached for comment, Pete wentz said, "Holy shit that was a fast sell out, I've been around a lot of sellouts but have never seen anything like that. He moved with incredible speed, faster than that time Gary Coleman and I went to In-n-Out Burger."

Lane Kiffin left the Volunteers after a 7-6 season in which he belittled pretty much everyone in the SEC and called recruits that chose Florida over him 'future gas pumpers'. He did take Tennessee to a bowl game, but the season was pock marked with embarassing losses and NCAA violations. Kiffin coached a season and a half with the Raiders before coming to Old Rocky Top, but before Oakland had served 6 years under Pete Carroll at USC.

Lane started out as the wide receivers coach before graduating to the offensive coordinator role. He was there for both of USC's national championships and is a clear disciple of Carroll; so not the worst choice for a replacement. Don't tell that to the Volunteers though, they are outraged in Orange country - writing obscenities all over their campus and organizing marches and rallies pretty much to elaborate upon those written obscenities. Kiffin will bring his father and defensive coordinator, Monte Kiffin, and assistant head coach and recruiting coordinator Ed Orgeron to Southern California with him - kicking Tennessee even further while they are down.

I think the abandonment part of UofT is a pretty dick move by Kiffin, but for USC I believe it's a great hire. He's a Carroll student who is young and energetic and anxious to get wins. Of course being a unbiased onlooker, I don't feel the sting of betrail or the joy of victory for either side. In the end USC comes out on top and Tennessee is looking for a true coach to take them back to SEC glory - one who won't bail after less than a year this time around. ESPN article here.

Mark McGwire Did Steroids, In Other News, The Earth is Round, Sky is Blue

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 14:04:00 +0000

That's right folks - Mark McGwire did steroids and has publicly admitted it. He should've saved himself the paper and wireless minutes it took for him to release an Associated Press statement and hold a couple phone interviews to announce this "revelation". We all knew he was a total roider when he embarassingly went in front on Congress several years ago and pled the 5th amendment "right to remain silent" to every single question they asked.

Mark,

We all knew already! You're wasting my newspaper's frontpage with your meaningless confirmation of the obvious. I know it's the new hotness for manly man athletes to go on interviews and break down in sob-erific heap, but c'mon. Literally nobody is surprised... everyone who follows baseball knew; everyone who doesn't follow baseball cares too little to be surprised. You should've saved your rollover minutes to give you hot wife a call for some naughty time. Anybody who hadn't already drawn a line from your gigantic neck to your body-builder brother, Jay's roid-head was naive and in denial.

Sincerely,

Sundayhop

Pacquiao To Schedule New Fighter in Lieu of Mayweather

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 21:48:00 +0000

Pacquiao will still fight in March, it just won't be against Floyd Mayweather. And it won't be in Las Vegas either. Manny has instead opted to fight in Dallas at the new Cowboys Stadium that Jerry Jones had originally offered for the Pacquiao v Mayweather bout. The stadium will be setup to hold 40-50k seats beneath the mammoth display board. I somehow just don't think Manny's fight will be as awesome as if it had been against undefeated Mayweather... but I'll let you be the judge. Glass Joe is promoted by Punch-Out sports.

Pete Carroll Takes Off His Trojan... Affiliation

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:30:00 +0000

Reports from early Monday morning are that Pete Carroll has taken off his Trojan hat saying 'it just doesn't fit right anymore' and he 'just doesn't feel the passion with his Trojans anymore'. Carroll thinks it will just feel better to pull out now. In other news, I'm eight years old.

Carroll resigned his post as the head football coach at the University of Southern California to take a reportedly "done deal" with the Seattle Seahawks. Though nothing is yet signed, it is expected that Carroll will replace recently fired Jim Mora as the new Seahawks coach. Pete is expected to take at least a couple members of the Trojan staff with him including Jeremy Bates, Offensive Coordinator at USC. Bates had been schedules to interview for the OC position with the Chicago Bears before he cancelled at the last minute to follow Pete to the Pacific Northwest.

Seahawks chief executive officer Tod Leiweke was in Los Angeles on Sunday to finalize the deal, the Los Angeles Times reported. Though nothing is signed yet, the parties have agreed to all terms in principle and the Los Angeles Times is reporting that Carroll's USC resignation is officially submitted to the school.

Pete Carroll and USC dominated the Pac-10 during his tenure there. He started in 2001 and managed seven straight Pac-10 titles which was ended this year with the Trojans' four-loss season. This will be Carroll's third head-coaching gig in the NFL after 1997-99 with the Patriots and 1994 with the Jets.

Let's face it though, USC is a sinking ship and Carroll is getting out while the getting's good. With the scandals involving Reggie Bush, OJ Mayo, and now Joe McKnight, you know the NCAA is going to come down hard on USC. I'm sure more stuff will be revealed about players getting paid in one way or another, high school coaches getting kickbacks, and various other violations. I think it's going to be tough sledding for the Trojans without Carroll and members of his staff - combine that with what's sure to be lost scholarships and inelegibilities around USC's football program and you've got a pretty tough job to fill. I hear Charlie Weis and Mike Leach are hunting for jobs, in other news, Mark Mangino is thinking Arby's.

Poor Old Michael Shanahan Began Again

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 11:44:00 +0000

There was an old man named Michael Shanahan.

He drove from Denver in a VW Vanagon.

To be the Redskins head main manahan.

Poor old Michael Shanahan began again.

(For those of you who don't know the children's song Michael Finnegan, you're completely lost...

There was an old man named Michael Finnegan, He had whiskers on his chinnegan, They fell out and then grew in again, Poor old Michael Finnegan, Begin again. Nevermind...)

Anyway, I digress. Michael Shanahan has been unveiled as the Washington Redskins' new head coach with a shiny, new $35 million 5-year contract. The Redskins have a habit of trying to replace head coaches like Liz Taylor replaces husbands or Larry King replaces wives. They've done it more in the past decade than I can count. The 'Skins can count Norv Turner, Marty Schottenheimer, Steve Spurrier, Joe Gibbs, and Jim Zorn as the coaches that have come and gone in the 2000's.

Mike Shanahan is coming off a short hiatus following his firing in Denver. Mike had been struggling in his recent seasons with the Broncos, but did lead them to two superbowls in the 90s with the all-star cast that included John Elway, Shannon Sharp, Rod Smith, and Terrell Davis. His new contract from Redskins owner, Dan Snyder, gives him final authority over football decisions as head coach and executive vice president of the Washington Redskins.

After being introduced by new General Manager, Bruce Allen, Shanahan said, "I've got very high standards, just like everybody in this organization. I can't tell you how long it's going to take. But I can guarantee you: We'll get better every day and hopefully it won't take long to get back to where this organization has been." Previous coach, Jim Zorn, had just turned in a 4-12 season and was ousted two days before Mike was announced as his replacement. Shanahan and Bruce Allen represent a change in tone from a previously Snyder-dominated franchise.

Dan has long been a controlling factor in the Redskins operational decisions, micro-managing and installing yes-men to do his bidding. Allen and Shanahan are both strong-willed football minds who have Snyder's blessing and ultimately, complete control of personel decisions. I'm cautiously optimistic that Shanahan can do some good for the Skins. I just hope he hasn't lost the edge in his old age - and that Snyder gives him enough time to get results...

Anna Kendrick = Total Cutie, 'Nuff Said

noreply@blogger.com (JayPwn) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 16:46:00 +0000

I went to see the new George Clooney film 'Up in the Air' a week ago. It started out in limited release but has generated enough buzz that people are mentioning it as a best picture contender. I agree, it's timely, smart, depressing, uplifting, and a range of other things over the course of its 1 hour 40 minute run-time. The movie is pretty much carried by the characters of Clooeny, Vera Farmiga, and young Anna Kendrick. The last of which is totally, mouse-ily, girl-next-door-y pretty on a scale not seen since perhaps Kate Beckinsale's debut as a young Brit.

Anna plays Natalie, a Cornell Grad go-getter (maybe I should've gone there after all?) who's invading the corporate world of Omaha, Nebraska. Nebraska certainly sucks, but she followed a boy there who returned the favor by dumping her, what a douchebag - I'll never forgive him for making her go to Nebraska! The whole makeup staff must have spent hours attempting to downplay Kendrick's sexiness and figuring out what smart business suits to put her in. She's got a slightly foreign (think Portuguese gal from Love Actually) look going on that shines through the pant suits. But maybe that's what they were going for: you can take the girl out of the college but not the college out of the girl - as is revealed when Natalie gets smashed and karaoke's Time After Time on a party boat.

Anyway, count Anna added to my list of young hopefuls that I want to make it big. I can overlook the fact that she's in the Twilight series, I don't hate it, just won't buy a ticket to it - her and I can argue about that in private thank you very much. Her role as Natalie in Up In the Air probably gave her a lot more slack to show off her acting skills. I hope her career takes off and we get to see a lot more of her. And I hope that mousey beauty doesn't go anywhere or get covered up by too much makeup!