I am sure we can all relate to times in our lives when we have felt overloaded. We know we have to act fast but we have so many competing claims on our time, all seeming equally important that we don’t know where to turn. Instead we simply freeze.

Two years ago my family and I moved home twice in a period of three months, settled children into new schools and set up all the administration/bureaucratic aspects of life in our new location, the normal expat/relocation tasks. Once all of these practical aspects had been arranged I turned to focus on my business and found I couldn’t. At that point I felt totally drained and very frustrated with my lack of energy and focus. Then it dawned, I had hit my overload point. What surprised me was that it hadn’t occurred at the physical point of moving or at what I would have naturally thought to be the most stressful moments, it came later and from left field and for that reason completely floored me.

Overwhelm can be experienced in an emotional, mental, physical way, or combination of all three. It can rear its ugly little head at any point. We can suddenly find ourselves in a depressed or distressed state. We can feel mentally locked, knowing we need to think clearly but not being able to see a clear path through, or we may experience physical symptoms such as insomnia, exhaustion, illness or cravings for comfort foods or alcohol.

As I talked to Leah seven weeks before she left Shanghai it became clear that she too was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the prospect of repatriation. Leah described herself as being at the center of a wheel surrounded by spikes that were all coming off in quick succession.

In the repatriation process there is so much to organize from a practical perspective, tying up all the aspects of life in one location, packing and shipping possessions and making arrangements for loved ones and pets. Those “to do” lists seem to self-multiply, one task so often leads to three more.

But it is not simply about tasks and getting things done, there is an emotional element to overwhelm and in repatriation this can be a toughie! As well as feeling sadness at leaving a life, friends and colleagues behind we may also have a sense of fear, anxiety, confusion or stress about what is going on or is about to happen in our lives.

• Fear that things will have changed back home so much that they can no longer fit.
• Stress about finding or fitting into new work role “back home”.
• Perhaps the biggest fear is anxiety about the actual decision: “are we making the right decision and how can we be sure?”

There can also be a lot of confusion about how we feel; excited and relieved to have made the decision one moment and sad for what we are leaving behind the next, alternately empowered by the decision in one moment and terrified by it a few hours later.

Another outcome of overwhelm is a lack of motivation to do anything. We know we have lots to do but find ourselves with little enthusiasm for those tasks, after all sorting and packing up our things can be a bit like a long trip down memory lane, happiness tinged with the sadness of goodbyes, or the sense that mistakes have been made, that life could have been different – if only….!

For some people, and Leah also talked about this, we may turn away from our normal healthy habits of self-care and even sabotage ourselves. Leah talked about her need to eat sugary and starchy foods when normally she is a healthy eater. She also found that she was reaching for more wine and beer than she normally would.

So at these points in the relocation process, how do we get ourselves back on a positive track?

Admit that you are feeling overwhelmed. When we feel overwhelmed we can feel that we are failing, not up to the task, disappointing. We are tempted to keep struggling on and on, trying to catch up, re-gain control.

STOP, reflect on how you are feeling and recognize the overwhelm.

Imagine how you would like to be feeling? Instead of reeling under the weight of your ‘to-do’ list ask yourself:

“ If I woke up tomorrow and everything was sorted what would it look and feel like?” Imagine how it would be to feel organized, in control, happy and calm?

FOCUS – The reality is that in a global life where change is frequent, focus is often lost in terms of personal life and careers. Life can feel as though it is spiraling out of control. It is important to have clear priorities. There are times when you just have to be let go of some things. Be honest about your capabilities given all that you have to do and select what can simply be “let go”.

Understand your Goals and Objectives for your Repatriation. Think about each area of your life that is important and be clear about what you hope to achieve in each area. Create a vision board of all the things you hope to do and achieve once you return to your home country.

Identify your personal values: what is important to you? How will repatriation help you to honour those values? Being able to answer this will mean that you can remind yourself why you have made the choice to go home.

Then focus on the HERE and NOW. What needs to be done? Make a list and prioritize. Then depending on the type of person you are and how you are feeling, either start with an easy task to build confidence OR get stuck right in with a toughy knowing that when it is completed you will feel A1.

However you feel, remember that you absolutely can do something about it. But better still, having read this article plan to avoid overwhelm in the future. Be clear about your reasons for repatriation, see the opportunity and the positive aspects of your relocation and plan and prepare well in advance. When you feel emotional at the thought of leaving, give yourself time and space to reflect and work through your feelings. And remember:

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasls, and then starting on the first one.”

Mark Twain.

The repatriation experience in Leah’s words:

Repatriation matters. Reverse culture shock is a shock because we don’t expect it – we’re going home right? That’s partly true. We’re moving to the country where we were born or last lived or consider ‘home’. But we’re not moving back to the same circumstances which we left. You’ve changed, I’ve changed, others have changed and that’s the unexpected shocker. There are strategies to smooth the transition and manage the ups and downs. Coaching with a professional and experienced coach helps identify those strategies and structures that enable you to repatriate successfully.

Leah’s decision to return to the UK was born out of many factors and as she worked through her decision making process and began the process of packing up so she recorded her experience through her blog, which makes for great entertaining and insightful reading. (Leah also has a blog series about repatriation in the Shanghai Talk Magazine.)

Part of Leah’s coaching agreement with me was that I would also blog – about my experience of coaching her! Not so much recording the intricate details of her personal experience but more the broad themes that materialised from our discussions. My blogs are a series of reflections, insights and ideas about the repatriation experience, insights and ideas from a coaching perspective that I hope will be of help to many others as they too repatriate home.

Leah is a fully qualified coach herself and was therefore aware of the support that a coaching relationship could provide.

An Overview of Our Agreed Method of Working Together:

As a coach my role is support my clients to find their way and create the future that they desire. I encourage clients to develop their personal awareness and understanding of their values, purpose and personal agency. My commitment to Leah is to support her as she creates her life “back home”. I encourage her to look towards the future and work to identify what she wants to be, have and achieve in life and to then identify how she can best work towards achieving those goals in a personally authentic manner, all the while enjoying a happy and fulfilled life along the way – of course! 

The basic elements of our coaching relationship are:

• To hold regular telephone coaching sessions with Leah. Face to face meetings are not possible. Instead we communicate through skype telephone calls, email and an online coaching platform where Leah can access coaching questions and respond inbetween our regular coaching sessions.
• Work from a model of coaching which is client-centred. Leah chooses the subject of each coaching session and I follow that lead. Leah identifies and with my support crafts a goal for each coaching session and we then work towards creating an action orientated outcome that will move her forward in a positive, constructive and solution focused way.
• Offer advice and support when invited to do so. As a coach who works with expatriates and who is also an expatriate and one time repatriate, I am able to offer insights and suggest possible ways forward. I offer these to Leah and she chooses how to use them.
• I challenge Leah to be her best self: Human nature means that we often prefer to take the easy route. We duck out of challenging situations often due to fear of failure. This is a sentiment that is rarely linked to reality. The truth is that when an opportunity presents itself we are usually ready and able to step into it – if only we would believe and trust in ourselves. My role is to spot when Leah is holding back and challenge her to step up and out, to borrow a famous book title – “To Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” (Dr Susan Jeffers).
• Write blog posts after our coaching sessions from my perspective as the coach. As I listen to Leah and think about her experiences so ideas and insights surface and I share these in my blogs. I also share suggestions of approach which may be helpful to Leah and any other person who is in the process of moving home.
• Respect the confidential nature of our conversations. Leah reveals much about herself and her personal perspectives in her blog. I link to these experiences in my blog as she has made them public. All the blog posts that I write are read and pre-agreed with Leah. In this way I protect the parts of our relationship and discussions that she wishes to keep confidential. Client confidentiality is a fundamental element of any coaching relationship and one that I am rigorous in protecting with all my clients. It is important as a coach to say that Leah initiated this relationship with me and invited me to create the blogs.

So, I invite you to follow Leah’s story. Read Leah’ blogs and then link back to my responses OR Start by reading these blogs which link you to the relevant blog posts from Leah. Please share your reactions, comments and personal repatriation experiences below.

But now having mentioned the word – that thought moves me swiftly on to the subject of “THE Holiday Period”… yes it’s looming, how can I miss it given the carols and nativity preparations that are going on in my house… very sweet as I am reminded how lucky I am to be able to share in their enthusiasm and excitement for this time of year.

But there is a downside because just as I am enjoying the warm and snug feeling that these carols create a wave of anxiety passes over me – something I recognize as the start of my annual Christmas panic.

Thoughts such as:

• Are we really here/there already?
• There is still so much I want to do in 2011?
• Must get the lists written, the cards ordered, the presents bought, the food sorted, the flights booked.

Time to get my act together and be SUPER organized this year. 2010 was a real last minute panic and I am determined that I WILL NOT be panic shopping on Christmas Eve EVER again… I still have nightmares about how it could have ended, no how it did end, a few presents did not get purchased, I was mortified!

So – deep breath and CALM … visualize beautifully decorated tree, tidy, clean festive house smelling seductively of Christmas (mulled wine), filled with visitors chuckling delightedly whilst nibbling daintily on beautifully prepared canapés, perfectly iced cake and children  in beautiful Christmas dresses, giggling excitedly…..!?!

What makes Christmas such a panic for me is the fact that we always go back to the UK for Christmas. Any suggestion to do otherwise is met by screams of indignation from my daughters: Christmas means the wet, drab old UK and there can be no debate! Of course the weather is irrelevant to them, they want grandparents and cousins and it is lovely that they do.

But it is this very fact – that Christmas is there and not here, that lulls me into a false sense of security. Mentally for me, Christmas begins when I step onto that plane and not a moment before. All preparation and shopping can wait and will be done in the UK, no point in lugging it all over there in suitcases. All fine in principle but …..

I remember two Christmases ago ordering Christmas from Amazon, rather like the year that Margot in the Good Life (1970’s UK sitcom – yes I am that old!) ordered Christmas in a hamper from Harrods, nothing arrived and Christmas had to be canceled. In 2009, due to snow neither did many of my gifts… I remember my poor mum did particularly badly that year.

The other issue is the demand for our time. Now I love my friends and family, but trying to fit everyone for their desired date, period of time is a bit of a logistical nightmare. Packing and unpacking as we visit people in all directions and then hosting others when they visit us makes Christmas an exhausting and at times fraught affair.

So what’s to be done?

I think a Christmas pledge and plan for a peaceful, calm and enjoyable yuletide ride!

START NOW!

• Buy Christmas cards … and sorry I know this falls down on the environmental front BUT I Love to receive Christmas cards from friends and relatives, “copy all email cards” just don’t do it for me whereas a scribbled few words in pen and a tatty photo make me feel some connection with friends and family at least once a year. My pledge this year, buy cards, include photos and send by the second week of December, friends will be impressed!
• Write the dreaded present LIST and get online NOW. Order and so be sure that the presents will arrive in time for Santa, snow or no snow.
• Draw up a timetable. Sit down with my family and plan our time in the UK. Sounds wrong to plan a holiday to this level of detail… well to me at least BUT it will reap its rewards.
• Prioritize (that always feels good as though somehow I am in control) and then start to allocate time to each event/visit (cringe that sounds more like a work schedule than a holiday).
• Build in some US time… you know a few nights in which to just relax in front of the Christmas TV.
• Plan my work days – the beauty of being self-employed is the flexibility, the downside the fact that my family all think that I am constantly available. So assert myself and my working requirements this holiday.
• Make sure I get time to RUN…and not just to the shops.
• Write our list of things to pack TO include winter wear that we do not possess and need to purchase, preferably before the manic trip to the airport. Try to squeeze it all into fewer bags so my husband doesn’t replay his usual “why can we never travel with less than eight bags lecture”.
• Pack my Whistle because organization like this needs a master and yep you’ve guessed it, it will be me!
• Remember to discuss what other family members expect? Who do they want to see and what do they want to do. I’m conscious of my poor husband who looks rather like a startled rabbit at this time of year.

Note to Self: Remember Christmas is about the people, not the presents or the beautifully decorated house or the perfect food or the perfect clothes. It is about enjoying time with those I love and recognizing how lucky I am to be able to do so.
So all planned!?

I’ll let you know how it goes!
How about you, what will Christmas/The Holiday Season bring for you?

For many partners there is also the open ended and often unanswered question:

What about me and my career?

My reactions to our relocation opportunities over the years have been mixed:

Madrid Spain, 1997 – No you go alone, we’ll commute at weekends, my career is also important – held out for one year and then succumbed to the attraction of Madrid and of course my husband!

Lisbon, Portugal, 1999 – Great, a location by the sea! A wonderful environment in which to pursue my post graduate studies.

Possible move back to the UK 2000 – HORROR! The weather and we’d only just got the new curtains up! We stayed in Lisbon.

UK, 2002 – Now pregnant not so horrified, family support was welcome and I intended returning to my career in the UK.

Dallas, USA, 2004 – Not keen, distance from supportive family and work permit would be a battle, how would I fill my time? We stayed home. Still feel guilty about the impact that decision had on my husband’s career.

Madeira, Portugal, 2005 – Better, closer, pretty, career a challenge but I had a business idea which could be run online.

Lisbon, Portugal, 2010 – Good, time for a move, broaden our horizons, bad timing from an economic perspective…!

I’m sure that I am not alone in these varied responses, it really can be very difficult to balance both partner’ career options and family priorities. Certainly one theme running through ALL our relocation discussions over the years has been how we balance our dual career aspirations.

After pursuing a number of different career and study options I found a solution and set up my coaching business which I am now developing  as an online business. My aim is to create a portable business that is flexible and negates the need to trade-off my career versus my husbands.

For me, career has always been important and as I read The Permits Foundation Report of 2008, I realised that I was not alone in valuing my career as an accompanying partner. Three thousand partners participated in this survey and although 90% worked prior to relocation only 35% were working in their host location.

Time for a career break, a chance to enjoy a bit of “me time”? Well for some yes, but 75% of the non-working partners reported that if they could they would love to pick up their careers abroad.

If these partners are not working, but would like to be doing so, what impact is this having on their sense of fulfilment and life satisfaction abroad? What are the obstacles to finding employment? What impact does this have on their adaptation to their new life abroad, their willingness to stay for the agreed contract term, to renew or to take on further assignments?

These are all questions that I, Louise Wiles (Success Abroad Coaching) and Evelyn Simpson (The Smart Expat) are keen to investigate. The survey, Career Choices and the Accompanying Partner will help us to understand the partner’s perspective in relation to career and life fulfilment abroad.

If you are currently living abroad as an accompanying partner, either working or not working we would really appreciate your support in completing this anonymous survey.

Simply click on this link and you will be taken to the survey. It will take you no more than 15 minutes to complete. If you would like to receive a summary of the final report due to be published in Spring 2012 then please click Done on the thank-you page. You will be taken to a new page where you can leave your name and email address. We will then send the report to you and also enter you into the prize draw.

If you are able to forward this article and link on to other accompanying partners we would be very grateful. The greater the number of participants the more reliable and representative the results will be.

Thank you for your help.

Here is the LINK to the Survey again.

Link to the Permits Foundation Report 2008 is HERE.

Turning Points is the brain child of Kate Cobb,  a British expatriate currently living in France.

In 2005 Kate was diagnosed with a rare muscle condition that would gradually affect her mobility and lead to increasing disability.

At the moment when the full force of the diagnosis hit her Kate said she realised she had a choice. She could either give up and accept the diagnosis and the extreme restrictions she was told it would put on her life. Or she could:

“Start an upward spiral of thinking and action to reverse matters.”

She chose the latter and earlier this year Kate decided that she was ready to tell her story and made plans to create the Turning Points book to include the stories of 24 other amazing women entrepreneurs. The book contains a wide variation in turning points some of them so traumatic and emotionally charged that they will bring tears to your eyes, others are less traumatic descriptions of points in life when the women concerned felt that now was the moment for decision, change and action.

Turning points are personal, what is a massive turning point for some, may simply be a little slight detour for someone else. Also from an individual perspective we may choose to react to one life event, having sat still in reaction to another.

The Turning Points book is an inspiration and collection of these kinds of events, those that act as catalysts for action and change. At some point each and every one of these women chose to act and to take action. They committed their time, energy and money to creating a new reality for themselves.

Their stories however have not been written to stun you into inaction – to thinking well I could never do that, my circumstances aren’t as horrific, as serious or as major as theirs. Their stories are written to inspire you to look for your turning point, the one that gives you your big reason why and to start your own personal process of change.

The stories themselves provide only a part of the content of this book. Also held within its pages is a treasure trough of tips and advice about how to get started and keep going.

It’s written by people who ‘care’ and want to inspire and support you through their success.

I know that many of the people who read this blog are expatriates. A relocation abroad is a major life change, a turning point most certainly, and although this book is not written specifically for expatriates many of the contributors are living abroad and share their experiences within the context of a life lived outside of their home countries.

To Purchase a copy and take advantage of the Free Gifts click this link here: Turning Points.

To listen to some or all of the 25 interviews Kate conducted click here: Turning Points Interviews

Please leave your comments about the book below – we would love to receive your feedback!

So it looks like I’m going to be doing it all again – one day. I will take the lessons from this experience and know that they will make my next training and preparation better and my performance stronger and faster.

SO what did I learn?

Here I share my lessons. I hope that they will help you work towards achieving your goals?

Goal Definition: What is your GOAL?

This needs to be specific and with a time limit. Often people say goals should be realistic but I don’t agree – totally. This goal was a real stretch for me: I’m 45, I don’t have a huge amount of spare time to run, especially long hour plus runs, I live in a hot country, I am definitely not a runners build!.If I had sat down and thought about it being realistic, I would have decided NO. And in fact what did inspire me was the challenge – doing something I had never done before and almost felt was out of my reach.

So set a goal that excites and inspires and commit to achieving it by a specific date.

What is your Reason Why? 

Some people say your reason why should make you cry. I think that you are either pushed to achieve goals by fear and frustration OR you are drawn by the positive benefit of achieving your goal OR a mixture of the two.

When you write a goal ask yourself, what are my reasons why?

Mine was a mixture of wanting to enjoy running out of doors, I live in a beautiful area and so being able to run and enjoy it is a real pleasure for me. Also I am 45 with two young children. I want to be fit and healthy and able to run and play so taking action now to up my fitness levels was very important to me. I was also attracted by the thought of doing something that was a real stretch for me and raising some money for charity at the same time.

What are YOUR reasons why?

Accountability.

If I had had to do this all alone, I would have ducked out at  week three. But I had asked a friend, a football coach to create a training programme for me, I didn’t relish explaining to this hardened sports professional that I had chickened out. I had also committed to participate along with friends who were flying out from the UK to join me. I truly felt accountable to these people. They asked about my training and I asked about theirs. We supported but also challenged each other and there really was NO getting out of it.

Who will hold you accountable?

Is this accountability meaningful enough to pull or push you to action?

Stretching out of your comfort zone.

No goal is achieved without involving some stretch. This is because it involves some aspect of change. Whether it is personal performance, sport, life or work related there is always going to be some degree of discomfort.

Recognise that once you have truly committed to a goal there will be elements of stretch and discomfort, embrace these and recognise them as a fundamental part of personal growth.

Be aware of your “process”.

The sub-conscious mind is a sneaky pesky thing. It will creep up on you and try to convince you that you are wrong to want to achieve this goal. We are programmed to protect ourselves and maintain equilibrium. Breaking out and forward is tough and you will find yourself trying to talk yourself out of it.

You may even find yourself doing things that are exactly counter to what you know you need to do. The obvious example is being on a diet and suddenly realising you’ve half eaten a chocolate bar. For me it was making all kinds of ‘very valid!’ excuses about why I cannot run today!

Learn to recognise “your process”, share it with your accountability partner and create plans to out-smart it!

Build Action into your Schedule.

The easy part is setting and writing the goal. Next you need a PLAN. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just a PLAN that leads to regular ACTION. So write down the action you need to take on a daily basis. BE specific and don’t let your process sabotage you. If you fail one day, don’t give up in despair. Keep Going!

Write down your weeks action plan with daily actions defined, place it somewhere visible and commit to taking those actions EVERYDAY!

Your Vision.

I am ending at the beginning really. My Vision was to complete the race.. and I did. Next time I will work to envision a better time and quicker pace, feeling more comfortable and confident.

What is your Vision in relation to your goal? Visualise achieving it, how does it feel, what do you see and hear around you?

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.

George Bernard Shaw.

Do you have a goal in mind, do you want to make REAL progress?

Join the 60 Day Challenge. I will Challenge and Inspire you to amazing progress in 60 Days: Click On the Target For More Details.

I had terrible butterflies as I surveyed my co-half marathon runners. They all looked fit and serious. There was not a fun runner in sight and this was worrying me ever so slightly! – I was definitely in the fun runner category speed wise and it didn’t look like I was going to have much company. There was one lonely clown – boy was I glad I left that gorilla outfit at home! This looked like a very competitive race and I’d managed to choose it as my first!

My running career started after Christmas 2010, challenged by a friend who offered to come from the UK to Lisbon and run with me if I would give it a go, I set my New years resolution:

“to run a half marathon in 2011″.

I had never run before, and as I set off on my first run on New Years Day (probably not the best day to start!) I could manage only a few minutes jogging before I had to walk. Over the intervening nine months I slowly built up my stamina, and finally here I was as planned, pre-race training plan complete, newbie on the blocks and boy did I feel it!

The starter gun went and everyone sprinted off. I was surprised at the initial pace but as this was a flattish race with a down-hill start I guessed it was normal. Hold on there Louise I thought, keep it steady and strong, steady and strong. I had read that you have to have a mantra to focus the mind through the endless kms, I’d borrowed mine, quite liked it in fact – “steady and strong” “steady and strong”.

In fitting with my mantra I’d been advised to hold a steady pace and not be tempted to join in the dash, so I avoided the temptation to sprint off with everyone else and kept to my pace. But I was soon surrounded by people wearing different bibs – the mini-marathon runners, they were doing 7km’s and some were really going for it.

I  tried to relax, enjoy the view and the experience and not trip over – people were cutting in and out all over the place. It was a beautiful sunny day, there was no breeze and I resigned myself to the fact that it was going to be a very hot few hours.

My friends, three more experienced half marathoners had disappeared with the starters, I was running solo but feeling fine about it. I realised that I actually felt relaxed and with plenty of reserves, perhaps finishing this race without totally embarrassing myself was a real possibility.

All was going fine, I checked my watch, I was running ahead of myself but feeling good….. until on rounding a corner I realised I was nearing a finish line… to my horror  I had followed the mini-marathon crowd and was nearing the end of their race.

My heart was in my mouth. After all the training I couldn’t run over that line. A little voice in my head tempted me with – “hey what a great excuse not to run” but I batted that thought right away! No not me, I’m not a quitter. Fortunately I wasn’t the only person to have got mixed up, a man was  running against the crowd in a half marathon bib towards me. He saw my panic and shouted “Follow me”  and we started to dodge the oncoming crowd until we reached a break in the barriers, ducked out and headed back up hill to the half marathon course.  Luckily I got back on track but not without having wasted valuable time. I was now a real tail ender and that did not feel good!

Mantra where are you…. Strong and steady, strong and steady… Suddenly on the other side of the street running, no sprinting! towards me was the leader, Siles Sang King,  how soul destroying the lead runners were nearly finished and I was just at the 8km’s mark! Siles went on to win the race in 1 hour, 1 minute and 13 seconds! A fantastic time – congratulations!

I spent the next 5k’s playing a catch up game with myself, who could I spot that I had seen before and run past. As I ran past the 10km marker my friends were running past me in the opposite direction and a good 4k’s ahead of me – my heart sank.

I enjoyed the first fifteen kilometers the last six were really tough. It was hot and the road seemed endless. “Never again” became my not so positive mantra. I crossed the line in 2 hours and 30 minutes.

One week on, never again has become – well just one more, and this time I need to work on my stamina for those last 6 kms. I want to finish in two hours and fifteen minutes (perhaps if I’d followed the right race!??). I guess I’ve caught the running bug…. I’ve just booked my next race a cool 10km’s in three weeks time and so the training goes on!

SO – Thanks to my friend Neil, his son Alex and Nigel. If you guys had not booked those flights and inspired me to enter, train and then show up for this run I know I would have chickened out! So a big hug and thanks to you all from me.

I ran this race for Medecin Sans Frontieres and have set up a page on the Just Giving site. If you could spare a few pounds, dollars or euros to support this great charity then I will be VERY grateful for your support. All the contributions however small do add up to make a big difference so please click on the logo below and make a donation. Thankyou!

Please support

My favourite season has always been Autumn. When I lived in the UK I loved the colour of the trees in autumn, the crisp autumnal air, the cosy fires in quaint village pubs, picking blackberries and then making comforting roast dinners and crumbles.

• What about you?
• Do you ever feel homesick?
• When do you feel homesick most?
• How long have you been living outside of your ‘home’ country?
• Has the sense of homesickness intensified or reduced over time?
• What do you do to deal with it?

I’d love to know, share your experience in the comments box below.

Fueled by on my own experiences of identity crisis and culture shock, I have been exploring the adjustment experiences of expatriate women professionals around the world. What I’ve seen from my work so far, is that in the long-run, women tend to cope better with the uncertainties that a new country and cultural environment brings with it. We are naturally inclined to build relationships with those around us, and hence able to easily integrate different viewpoints and values into our own repertoire. However, for many women, the process of establishing a new life abroad may be a challenging journey of self-discovery. As relational beings, we as women tend to base our identity and self-esteem on those around us. Friends, family, colleagues and various familiar people in our lives contribute to reinforce who we are and how we determine our own worth. When moving to a new country, we are suddenly taken away from all that is familiar. Long established friendships suddenly change and the boundaries of what define us begin to shift. I remember how depressed I was when I first arrived in the Netherlands from South Africa – my friends ‘back home’ were no longer supporting me the way I expected them to, I didn’t have a job in which to express my professional career and I also didn’t have any friends in this cold, grey country who could replace those who I have lost. I felt a bit like Alice who stepped through the looking glass – in an upside down world where not even ‘me’ made sense.

Through interviews with women professionals from different walks of life, I have begun to realize that these feelings of displacement are normal, and even useful. They also helped me to re-assess who I am and what I want to be. One’s global sojourn provides an excellent platform to take a moment and reflect – it provides fertile ground for reinvention and rediscovery of the ‘self’ in all spheres of life: both personal and professional. It is important to take time to reflect on what is happening to you, embrace it and recognize that you are not alone. You could almost see this great adventure as an opportunity to do a ‘spring clean’ of your life. A very practical way for dealing with conflicting values is to grab a journal and make a list of those things you value in your own culture that you would like to always remain a part of you, and then see which of the positive things in your host culture you would like to incorporate into your existing set of values. This exercise will help you focus on the positives instead of continuing down a negative spiral.

Through my research, I am trying to create a platform where women can share their stories and experiences so that we can learn from each other and support those who will come after us. If you are a self-directed expatriate woman and are interested in sharing your experiences abroad, please complete my online questionnaire: http://www.up.ac.za/hrresearch/index.php?sid=79799&lang=en

For more information about my own expatriate story and background to the research, please visit www.expatlady.webs.com

Riana van den Bergh

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The beauty of the increasing globalisation of our world is that little is now truly unknown. We can research and inform ourselves about new destinations, even walk virtually down chosen streets, and so arrive with some sense of familiarity. This eases those early days and prevents us from feeling immediate overwhelm.

However even with some familiarity navigating the cultural differences can initially feel a bit like sailing in stormy waters. In order to understand and communicate effectively in a new culture two approaches can be helpful:

• Developing a personal awareness of ones own cultural orientation and perspectives – a personal cultural blueprint.
• Developing an understanding of the cultural orientations of the host country

This article provides an overview of some of the characteristics of the “typical British person” based on cultural variables/dimensions of individualism, communication, space, power and action as identified by Jorge Schmitz (Cultural Orientations Guide).

However before I start, a health warning!

The UK is made up of four countries, England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales. Each country has its own history, traditions and therefore cultural differentiations. In addition to this there are many regional differences AND two hundred nationalities represented within the UK population. It goes without saying that there is huge cultural diversity.

Individualism:

Society in the UK tends to focus on and reinforce individual achievement. This can be compared to countries with a more collective orientation where the emphasis is more focused towards the group’s interests over that of the individual. In the UK the individual and their rights are paramount and generally everyone is expected to look after themselves and their immediate family.

In the workplace, although team work is recognised as an important means to achieving superior performance, individuals within the team may compete and management will look at individual and team performance when conducting individual performance appraisals.

Loyalty to a collective group may exist in terms of religious groupings, corporate allegiances or local community networks and groups, especially amongst national groupings. The extent to which you find this will vary.

Communication:

Social environments vary in how people express themselves. A high context orientation will mean that there is an emphasis on implicit communication and non-verbal cues. A low context orientation will mean that communication is explicit, people say what they mean and mean what they say!

The UK is a bit of a mix when it comes to communication. People living in Southern England are often described as relatively indirect and reserved. Also they will not be particularly demonstrative in an emotional sense. It is not unusual to be left wondering what people ‘really think’ or resorting to asking clarifying questions to find out!

As you head further North people do become more open, direct perhaps even blunt and to the point (so the southerners say!). They are also said to be friendlier and more welcoming perhaps due to their Celtic origin, and a touch more emotionally demonstrative as well!

Space:

The British are generally quite private in their nature. “An Englishman’s home is his castle” is a proverb which demonstrates this point. People feel more able to be fully themselves when they are at home. Outside of the home they conform to social norms.

Personal space is important. When meeting people for the first time it is important to leave space between you and them and greet people with a formal hand shake. However barriers break down quickly and people tend to be more open and friendly once they have met you a few times.

Power:

The power dimension talks about degree of acceptability of different power relationships and social stratification within a culture. Historically the class structure of society has been important in the UK. Even today the media will use class labels to describe people, for example when Prince William became engaged to Kate Middleton, she was described as from a “wealthy middle class family”.

Despite the frequent reference to class structure there also is a desire to develop a society based on meritocracy not inheritance and social standing. Opportunity for all is stressed and really meant by many people. Promotion in many organisations is based on past performance rather than connections and family heritage, of course there are some exceptions!

In the workplace although senior management will typically have the ultimate authority, employees are encouraged to contribute to debate and discussions and demonstrate personal initiative and responsibility.

Action:

The Action dimension identifies the difference between cultures which are focused towards tasks and action; a doing orientation and a being orientation which emphasises the importance of relationships, reflection and analysis.

The UK has a tendency towards action and task orientation. People pride themselves on their ability to complete tasks on time. Although not sticklers in terms of punctuality, once people are at work the old protestant work ethic often shines through.

However there is a growing realisation of the benefits of a ‘being orientation’ and people nowadays can be seen to be more sensitive to relationships and the importance of nurturing these at the expense of task achievement than they would have been in the past.

I hope that this brief overview has given you some useful insights. It is helpful exercise to ask yourself where you would place yourself in terms of the dimensions mentioned above and consider how you might manage any major differences.

TELESEMINAR: Success in the UK – Culture Tips:

September 15th at 9am USA, 3pm CET.

If you are doing business in the UK, working for a UK company, travelling regularly to the UK, Or living in the UK as an expatriate and would like to learn more about the UK culture then join us for a FREE TELESEMINAR.

In 60 minutes you will learn:

• The national culture highlights
• The values and beliefs highlights
• The 4 C’s™ Culture Mastery process with 11 culture variables
• Tools to negotiate and navigate culture gaps
• Your questions and concerns about the UK

TO REGISTER FOR THIS INSIGHTFUL AND VALUABLE FREE  TELESEMINAR CLICK HERE to be taken to the registration page.