Lyrics:

What a beautiful thought I am thinking
Concerning a great speckled bird
Remember her name is recorded
On the pages of God’s Holy Word.

All the other birds are flocking ’round her
And she is despised by the squad
But the great speckled bird in the Bible
Is one with the great church of God.

All the other churches are against her
They envy her glory and fame
They hate her because she is chosen
And has not denied Jesus’ name.

Desiring to lower her standard
They watch every move that she makes
They long to find fault with her teachings
But really they find no mistake.

She is spreading her wings for a journey
She’s going to leave by and by
When the trumpet shall sound in the morning
She’ll rise and go up in the sky.

In the presence of all her despisers
With a song never uttered before
She will rise and be gone in a moment
Till the great tribulation is o’er.

I am glad I have learned of her meekness
I am proud that my name is on her book
For I want to be one never fearing
The face of my Savior to look.

When He cometh descending from heaven
On the cloud that He writes in His Word
I’ll be joyfully carried to meet Him
On the wings of that great speckled bird.

Although based on Jeremiah 12:9, this song is actually about how the conflict between Fundamentalism and Modernism — which I’m sure is exactly what Jeremiah had in mind when he penned that verse.

(And yes, I know the singer has a beard and is playing a “rock guitar” and that the audience claps afterwards. These are country-fried fundies so it’s not that unusual to see some variations from the standard BJU or Hyles type memes.)

Many thanks to John for both the video and the explanation

I especially like the bit in their advertising on the website that says “If you call yourself a true fundamentalist, this is where you will want to be.” Who could turn that down?

Thanks to Chuck and Marie for both passing news of this along.

Since we had so much fun a couple days ago with parodies of the awful lyrical homage to Jack Hyles, this Friday’s challenge is to slap together some iambic pentameter (or whatever meter makes you happy) and write a poem on this theme: The Managawd’s Lament.

As always, the contest winner will vigorously glad-handed and then promptly forgotten.

This is just one brief excerpt from a treasure trove of material found in the Joyful Woman Leadership Manual by Joy Rice Martin. Therein you’ll also learn why pastor’s wives can’t have real friends and the importance of finding a good church to visit on your romantic getaway weekends.

It’s no secret that fundamentalists think that their specific doctrinal stances on everything from hell to (prayers over) breakfast are the only ones that are correct. But the overactive case of certainty that follows the average fundy is hardly limited to the realms of doctrinal squabbling. In fact for many fundamentalists, being absolutely right and defending their ideas to the death is a way of life no matter what the topic. Absolutism is a way of life.

People who drive smart cars are all Communists. Pepsi drinkers are not just sorely mistaken they are actually victims of a conspiracy to make you eat your own children. Vegetarians (except Bro. Roloff, God rest his soul) may just as well start worshiping Gaia and get it over with. And don’t even get me started on people who have the utter gall to be born French and haven’t yet apologized for it.

So many people in the world are so very wrong. And if you’re ever unsure about that fact just ask your local fundy pastor his opinion on anything from plumbing to NASCAR and you’ll soon find out that it’s not just spiritual things that are absolutely fundamental.

Today’s reader-submitted photo is a snapshot of a poem that a pastor wrote about his hero, Jack Hyles.

If God own the cattle on a thousand hills then why do you constantly beg for my money to build His buildings?

If Jesus is so kind and gracious, then why do those who claim to follow him better than anyone else seem so petty and cruel?

If works do not save us then how do they then sanctify us?

If you had 507 people saved last year, where are they now?

If if our neighbor doesn’t have enough clothing or food and we do nothing but speak platitudes to them is that enough?

If fundamentalism is changing the world then why is the world so spectacularly unchanged?

If you love God and God loves the whole world then why can’t anybody see His love in you?

My friend, your life is but a vapor. Time is running out to do something great for God. You are only one heartbeat away from eternity!

So hurry! Don’t delay! Come quickly and join us as we go out to the highways and hedges to act like total jackasses.

This may be your last chance in this life to not accomplishing anything at all! Don’t let this opportunity be lost forever.

Apparently the dress code for some fundy churches isn’t as strict out in California.