Disney On Ice Princess Classics brings to life the stories of favorite Disney princesses Cinderella, Belle, Ariel, Jasmine, Mulan, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, their dashing heroes and their devoted side-kicks.

Children attending are encouraged to dress as their favorite Disney character and enjoy various Disney-themed crafts

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Elise was ready for elementary school in every way: socially, academically, and psychologically. Having a fall birthday, she stayed home with me an extra year, which I really did love. Knowing she is my youngest and all her ‘lasts’ will truly be my ‘lasts’, I savored the time with her. Still, being the adventurous, confident little girl she is, I knew that she would transition easily and embrace this new life stage without hesitation.

Being in a half day program, it’s not like I am losing my little side kick completely. Just 17 hours and 55 minutes each week. But who’s counting? Me, apparently. While I am basking in the quietness, there is a strange sense of ‘what now’ lurking in the back of my mind. In this role of wife and mother, it is easy to forget about yourself in the process.

In the bigger picture, I think I’ve done a fine job of balancing family life with keeping my own identity. I am a gym enthusiast and, when the kids are in school, can be found strengthening and toning at my local club several mornings a week. And there is the Bible study I attend once a week during the school year; and my weekly Moms in Touch prayer group, where I am blessed to pray for my school aged children and their classmates and teachers.

You won’t find me lounging on the couch watching soap operas while eating bon-bons. I am busy making sure that I am taking care of me and not just my family. I was warned that emotionally it would be difficult on that first day that I send my precious little one on the bus with her big brother. Not so much. I happily snapped pictures and hugged and kissed them as I waved them out of sight.

Maybe it is the bickering and the “I’m bored. There’s nothing to do.” statements I heard all summer long that made sending her off for those precious 17 hours a week made this a slam dunk for me. Like I said, it is only half days so it’s not like I am footloose and fancy free. But I do feel a little restless in the house by myself–even with having more than enough things to do to fill my day.

Originally I decided that to celebrate the first day I would lounge on the couch with my cup of coffee and just enjoy the silence. That lasted about 2 minutes. That is when I decided that maybe I should write. But the fact that no one is interrupting me every 2.3 minutes feels very odd. I should be celebrating the fact that I may crank out my first article at one sitting. Yet, here I am checking my watch every few minutes waiting for the time when the bus drops her back off in front of our house, getting up just as frequently to shake off this restless energy.

Somehow this day just isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be. On this first week back to school I am reminded of her first day of her preschool experience. She attended two mornings a week for a total of 5 hours, not taking into consideration the lost time in travel. How I reveled in that solitary time I had. A year later she attended three afternoons a week, gaining that precious 2 ½ hours. Glorious. Still it wasn’t hard to be jealous of my friends who were childless for a whole day. It sounded so divine, so heavenly, so amazing.

Now that I’m here inching my way toward that freedom, I’m wondering why I am pacing back and forth like a caged animal actually missing the commotion that even one child can create.

Seriously, I am asking myself what is wrong with me. Like all things new, I suppose I’ll adjust and fill in the gaps of my ‘free time’– like housework, errands and all my volunteer efforts for the church and school. Clearly I have enough to fill that void. Just don’t ask me to project how I’ll feel when I have the entire day without my kids. I am not ready to talk about it. Really, I’m not.

Bonnie Krueger lives in West County. In 2009, she began her first blog Inside My Head found at http://bonsbrain.blogspot.com/ . She began a second blog devoted solely to the memory and unique story of her mom– Heart Speaks found at http://bonsheart.blogspot.com/.

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Lisa was on Great Day St. Louis yesterday talking about some of the latest and greatest household products for under $20. Check out the video if you’re inclined!

Here’s some of the products we discussed and some of their features/aspects I found that make these products fabulous finds.

Glade Soy-Based Candles
*$6.99 for the large 3-wick candle.
*Made from at least 92% natural ingredients.
*Interested in finding out what’s inside the Glade Fragrance Collection product line, check on their site.
*Fragrances not overpowering. Pleasant scents and a nice variety.

Energizer Smart Recharger and Batteries
*Retails for around $19.97.
*Headquarters in St. Louis.
*Countdown timer shows how long until batteries are charged.
*Battery Fuel Guage shows charge status.
*Batteries retain charge for up to 6 months.

Method Laundry Detergent
*10 fl oz is $7.99 while the 20 oz size is $14.99.
*Plant-based detergent.
*Packaging is enviro friendly — 70% less detergent, water and plastic used.
*No need to measure amounts of detergent – one pump is all you need.
*Formula is biodegradable.

 Thermos Funtainers
*$13.99 for bottle for drink and $13.99 for food jar.
*Great designs aimed at kids.
*Keeps foods and drinks cold or hot, depending upon what you want.
*Good so you can provide a healthy lunch or dinner for kids on the go. 

Seventh Generation Natural Hand Wash
*$2.99 (12 oz bottle)
*Hypoallergenic, rinses clean.
*Formula is biodegradable, plant-derived.
*80% of bottle is made from plastic that’s already been recycled.
*They disclose their ingredients.

 Ziplock Flexible Totes
*$6.99 (XL bag)
*Organize different areas of the home. (Car trunk, attic, bedrooms)
*Fits in tight spaces. Plastic is flexible.
*Plastic is durable. Can hold heavier items.
*Great for packing away kids’ old artwork, clothes.

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That last part may have been a small stretch of the imagination.  In fact, I was pleasantly surprised in all areas at what I encountered down in New Orleans.  Well, I mean, all areas except the fact that I did not see Brad Pitt…

The people of New Orleans are everything you hear about.  They are resilient and warm, heartfelt, genuine and kind.  They have been to hell and some are only just now making their way back.  But they were all quick to smile and offered profuse thanks for all of the help and support that has been poured upon them by people the world over.

When the flood waters first roared through the city, those left behind felt like they had been abandoned.  They were angry, hurt and devastated.  Many lost all that they had and with little means to rebuild, they’ve never returned.  The city, while slowly regaining its population, is not what it once was.  Streets that were filled with local residents now ring hollow in many areas.  But through the time and efforts of thousands upon thousands of volunteers, New Orleans is coming back stronger and better than it was before.  And when I spoke with one gentleman about this he told me that the goodness of all those who volunteered their time help restore his faith in humanity again.

I wrote an in depth article yesterday at 5 Minutes for Mom on my experience in New Orleans.  I will be posting a second article tomorrow on the faith of one woman that inspired me as she exuded peacefulness despite the fact that her life was forever altered by Katrina.  I shared video over here at my personal website, Minivans Are Hot, and I will be sharing later this week about how you and I can be involved in the rebuilding of New Orleans.

In five years a lot has been done to bring New Orleans back.  But there is still so much more to be done and there are a number of ways to help, from donation to actually travelling to down there and taking part in the rebuilding.  It would be worth your trip for the Jumbalaya alone.  For now, however, I leave you with the knowledge that America is truly one of the greatest countries in all the world.  I’ve never felt more honored and proud of my country than I was watching men, women and children from across the nation come together and build fences, paint houses and work to make sure those who were still wandering could finally come home again. 

That alone is what I brought home with me more than anything else.  America takes care of her own and for that I will forever be grateful and proud to say I am an American.

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Check out the finalists’ videos and cast your vote for our favorite couple from now through 11 p.m. Central time on Friday.

The two couples with the most votes will compete in a cookoff for the grand prize.

The couple,  married for 10 years make cooking a family affair. Their two boys (ages four and six) enjoy helping out in the kitchen too.

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“Scientists estimate that 80 percent of all infectious diseases are transmitted through hands, so it’s important for children to learn to keep their hands clean all year long,” said renowned pediatrician and author of more than 40 books on childcare, William Sears, M.D. “Soap and water are not always accessible throughout the school day, so an effective way to keep hands clean and germ-free is to use an antibacterial wipe like Wet Ones® hand wipes, which parents can pack in lunchboxes and book bags.”

In addition to teaching children about clean hands, parents can follow other simple tips to start the new school year off on the right foot. Dr. Sears offers the following five tips to keep students healthy, from brain to body:

1. Begin the Day with a Brainy Breakfast: Children who start the day with a “brainy breakfast” that includes protein, fiber-filled carbs, Omega-3 fats and minerals like calcium and iron, do better in school and have fewer sick days.

2. Keep Hands Clean: The first and easiest line of defense against the spread of germs is washing hands often, but when soap and water are not available, antibacterial wipes like Wet Ones® hand wipes are an effective alternative. Wet Ones® antibacterial wipes are proven to be just as effective as gel hand sanitizer in killing 99.99 percent of germs but they also clean away dirt and messes and won’t dry out skin like alcohol-based hand sanitizers. Keep them around the house, in lunchboxes and in pockets.

3. Feed Your Child Immune-Boosting Foods: The best way to boost the immune system is to increase the intake of fruits, vegetables, seafood and yogurt.

4. Keep Little Noses and Sinuses Clear: Germs often settle first in the nose and sinuses, so it’s important to keep kids’ nasal passages clear by either flushing them out with a saltwater solution or loosening secretions with a facial steamer or vaporizer.

5. Keep Your Children Active: Movement mobilizes the immune system. Kids who sit too much – especially indoors – get sick more often. Movement also mellows the mood, as stress depresses the immune system.

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Naturally, my husband then decided to spend the next few minutes trying to unsuccessfully explain to our son that he DID in fact “do it”.

I’m sure it’s just a phase, right?! And I imagine there are countless books on this subject which will provide point by point logic with graphs and images to explain to me why a child of four would decide to no longer “own” his/her actions and then give clueless parents (like me) the ammunition and skills necessary to calmly address the issue and thereby rear well-mannered future leaders. But honestly, I can’t find the time or let’s face it, energy, to research, buy and read the wealth of information available.

I’m not exactly sure where that leaves me, but I’m just being honest here. As an aside: I strongly believe that teachers should get paid more – because they are left in the wake of parenting “choices”.

Don’t get me wrong, mistakes and accidents happen to us all (to some more than most…ahem, guilty as charged). There are some days when the coffee isn’t helping (even when it’s my third cup) and I feel as if I’m a walking zombie. And even though I may WANT to point my finger (or quickly leave a room) so that the attention is directed AWAY from me, I realize that I need to ‘own’ my mistake and move on.

For instance, I recently purchased a card for my hubby, in celebration of our 7th wedding anniversary. I’ll admit that I purchased the card last minute and although it’s no excuse, I LITERALLY slept maybe 30 minutes the night before (probably because I lay awake all night, realizing that I’d forgotten to buy said card). Nonetheless, I walked up to the store’s card display and scanned the selection in the “humor” section. He and I are both fans of the show “The Office”, so when I saw a card depicting “The Office” images and Michael Scott humor I thought “Great, he’ll like this one”.

I walked up to the counter, made the purchase and put it out of my mind for the remainder of the day. As I drove home that evening from work, pleased that I had a funny card with my personal, sentimental and heartfelt message, I was relieved….that is until my husband opened the card and said…

“You realize it’s not my Birthday, right?” As I turned to him, it dawned on me that I had purchased a BIRTHDAY card, not an Anniversary card! Arrrggghhh!

And in the world of new media, I then realized a few hours later that he felt compelled to thank me for my kind card and gift publicly, on FaceBook. I tried to play it off with a reply to his post, in the hopes that people would be left wondering…. “Did she REALLY buy the wrong card?” Or “Oh, that Kevin….he’s so silly!” – But isn’t that just the same as trying to say “I didn’t do it!”?

So my only promise is that I’ll TRY to plan better next year and NOT wait to the last minute to make a card purchase….that, OR I’ll run out at lunch today and purchase a selection of cards for EVERY possible event that can happen in the next 12 months, so that I leave it less to chance. And maybe while I’m at the store, I’ll peruse the self-help book aisle and look for titles that will help me be a more conscientious parent.

Amy Trapp the mom of two boys and the creator of TriSupporter, a blog where she writes about her family and faith. She’s also on Twitter @AmydTrapp.

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Those things happened, eventually. But the teen years were hard. Very hard.

I imagine some readers are thinking that the teen years are almost always hard. Yes, this is true. I’ve turned this over in my head too. How does one isolate what is the normal angst of raising teens and what is due to the blended families? I have often thought that while we surely experienced some hardship that was pinned on the blended family, that similar hardship could easily have occurred in an intact family.

It doesn’t matter. As they say, perception is reality and in the case of a blended family, it’s all you have to work with.

I couldn’t write about the situation without input from those I shared it with, so I did have some long dialog with my daughters about it. Some of that was pretty difficult to hear and I had to let it sit for awhile before I could write this piece. I suppose it would be meaningful to share with you some of those soundbytes, too, to make this article a full 360 degree view.

My oldest daughter said “To a certain extent, I felt that because you were so concerned with creating a united front with Bill, that spilled over into my perception of our relationship. I know that a lot of that is because in a marriage one person opens up to the other and can fully explain and help the other understand their reasons for doing things and why they feel the way they do. As kids, we didn’t get to see any of that. Maybe that’s all families. So I guess that would be my best word of advice…that blended families require much more openness in the lines of communication. Everyone seems to think that kids don’t or shouldn’t know stuff, but thinking back, I knew a lot about what was going on. But since I didn’t know the full details I was forced to fill in the blank spots with my own ideas of what was happening, and likely filled them with thoughts and ideas that were worse than the reality of the situation.”

My 2nd daughter experienced it very differently from her sister. One of her points is that everyone does experience it differently, even within the same household but also across different blended families. She said “I guess this is probably a theme for a lot of people too. Feeling like the new life is valued higher than the old life. It’s not like I ever thought you didn’t care about me or love me, but I definitely didn’t feel prioritized. And, FYI, I’m completely talking about how I felt as a teenager. I’ve gained a lot more understanding and sympathy as I’ve gotten older. I also don’t regret any of it because I’m very happy with the person I am today. I definitely notice its effects though. It’s made me more
dependent in my relationships and I eventually realized that it was a big driving force behind my desire to have a family – I guess wanting to create what I felt like I didn’t get to experience.”

In discussing the challenges of isolating what is due to the blended family situation and what might have been a challenge even in an intact family, she says “I think you are right that people tend to blame normal family issues on the idea of a stepparent. The situations and struggles are often exactly the same as “normal” families. But there is still a distinction that needs to be made in the feelings attached. I think you expect parents and stepparents to have a little more sympathy and understanding coming into a situation of divorce. I think people have more resentment because they were already in a difficult situation, and then on top of that, their parents didn’t prioritize their feelings and their emotional development highly enough.”

After I absorbed all that, along with a few margaritas, I went back and asked my daughters if there were any things they thought we did well. There were, and for that I am glad. I only hope those positives were enough to offset my mistakes.

I suppose at the end of the day, if someone were to ask me for my advice, I would tell them that open communications is essential. Don’t try to shield the children from too much – they are left with partial knowledge and tend to fill in the blanks themselves. I would also say that it’s not a time to be too authoritarian – there must be some extra doses of compassion given the circumstances.

Lastly, there needs to be ongoing effort without the expectation that you will ever achieve a Brady-like existence. Chances are you won’t. You probably won’t even come close, and that’s OK. The main goal is that everyone puts forth his or her best efforts and each child should feel appreciated and cherished. That isn’t unique to blended families – that is the goal of all families. It’s just a little more difficult for those of us trying to achieve it from inside the martini shaker.

We survived. Somehow, in the end, despite all my mistakes, I still have the best daughters a mother could ask for and a life-partner who loves and respects me beyond measure. Somehow, we all came out on top. And while I don’t always subscribe to the ol’ adage ‘the end justifies the means’, I am just pretty darn giddy to have achieved the end that we seem to have achieved.

Those of you in the midst of it – good luck. You’re going to need it. (An occasional martini or three wouldn’t hurt either. Shake all you want – you’ll need a means of releasing your stress!)

Photo of Life with Derek from Fanpop.com

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2.5 ounces of gin
½ ounce of dry vermouth
1 green olive

And then, in a very British accent, one might add “Shaken, not stirred.”

Blended martinis are very easy, especially when compared to blended families. Based upon my personal experience, the one part they hold in common is that last part: shaken, not stirred.

I am no expert in either, but I have some experience in the blending of a family. I knew going in it was going to be difficult. That’s what all the experts say. Plus, I had seen with my own eyes some of the ways that it could go awry. It is very seldom anything like the famous Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda movie, Yours, Mine, and Ours. It’s never like The Brady Bunch.

In fact, in my experience, there was quite a bit more door slamming, quite a bit more tense talking through gritted teeth. Mostly, there was quite a bit more anxiety – never knowing the right thing or the best thing to do.

My divorce was finalized in 1991, though it had been coming for a long time. My two daughters were 6 and 8 when it was official. I knew that I wanted to remarry – I wanted more children; I longed for a real partnership. So it wasn’t surprising to me to find myself entering into a new marriage a mere two years after the divorce was final.

Enter: Bill.

As a husband, he is everything I could have wanted. He is supportive and emotionally present. He is loyal and involved. He does laundry and even buys tampons when requested of him. Why, just last weekend, he helped me with a very necessary suppository. (I don’t want to talk about it except to say: now THAT’S love.)

When people ask me about the blended family thing, I always say that we never solved it, we merely survived it. I believe this to be true.

It is all years behind us. The older girls have long since moved out from under this roof and we all have good relationships with each other. There are no grudges, no hard feelings. I think each of us knows that it wasn’t easy for the others in the situation either. In fact, in preparing for this very article, I had the chance to open up the topic with my girls who are now 25 and 27. They are exceptional women, oozing with maturity and intelligence. I’m sure that having them apply some of that to the hind-sight has tempered their memories a little. I’d guess that had we gone down this road several years ago and delved into the topic, it would have been a lot more acrimonious.

I don’t mean for it to be a situation of alls-well-that-ends-well. I mean, if I could go back, I would do some things differently. I have spoken to quite a few people in blended families, both adult children of them and parents in them now, and there appear to be some common themes. As such, opening the dialog, sharing the difficulty of it, might prove helpful to someone else. At the very least, it might make them feel less alone inside of it.

I am hoping that writing this out, in part, will be healing to my own family. I, as a mother, did not do everything right – far from it. Perhaps putting words on paper and sharing them with the world is a small way to take responsibility for the parts I did not do right. I am grateful more than I can say that my girls bear me no ill-will over the sins of my past.

What I find intensely interesting is that we all experienced it so differently! Lesson number one: compare notes; early and often. The responsibility for communication is so much greater in this situation. As a parent, I felt so very caught-in-the-middle. The two sides pulling were this: was I primarily an advocate for them? Or was I primarily part of a cohesive marriage that led them in unity?

I was both. When there was familial disagreement, I tried to mediate and keep a united front for the kids. I didn’t want them to see my indecisiveness. I didn’t want them to know I didn’t have a clue what I was doing navigating these choppy waters. But when I was alone with my husband, I was a vocal advocate for them, for the girls. I wanted to coach him on parenting techniques. I wanted to smooth out his rough edges.

The problem, I know now, is that my daughters did not see me advocating for them. They needed to – during this time of upheaval more than ever. They needed to know I was on their side, even if it was on their side standing against my husband.

Part 2 will post on Wednesday.

Linda Doty wears many hats: wife, mom, sister, friend, daughter, boss, employee, jester (because jester hats are cool!). She’s been married for 25 years (to two different men – but wants credit for all the time served!) and has five daughters who range in age from 6 to 27. She works full time out of the house (she tells everyone she’s an astronaut, but that is simply not true) and travels quite a bit for her job. She writes because she enjoys it, and while she has been published in several local publications, her personal website is where she does most of her writing. (http://www.justlinda.net) Find her on Twitter at @JustLindaSTL.

*Picture found on www.thehipstermom.com

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