Steady As We Go

August Wrap-Up

2011-09-03T11:23:00.000-04:00

We made it! Wow, this last month has been a whirlwind!

Life Teen Mass carried on without John thanks to some help from my old buddy, Robin! It was fun to have him return for a few weeks. It also dated me a bit because we did some old school Fireside mass songs for one of the masses: songs that used to be progressive but now sound a lot like folk. Most of our choir members threatened me if we ever did the song "Amazing" again but I think they are silly. What a great tune with great memories. It was really nice to lead music again, and I definitely miss that part of the ministry. Its just slightly overwhelming when there is a baby and a demanding job in the picture. However, it really makes me want to work with our choir a little closer to bring out their best voices!

Work has been CRAZY. I don't think we've had this much acuity so steadily in a long time. Not to mention there have been some staffing gaps as of late so it will get worse before it gets better. The great news is that our new nurses are here and going strong! This is definitely a busy time for me coordinating the new hires but it is such rewarding work! However, I have been feeling like an old woman when I get home. Time to buy some more pressure stockings for my poor legs.

I am proud to say that my first major cupcake gig was a success! It involved 10 hours of baking, decorating, and packaging but I really couldn't have done it without my amazing helpers!! Clare brought over 2 of her bridesmaids who were oh so dedicated and great to hang out with as we worked. Probably the biggest challenge was getting all the cakes uniform, and the second biggest challenge was the dark teal icing! It was so nerve wracking and difficult to color but it was the bride's favorite color of the wedding theme. The icing sweated a little bit in the reception hall but overall they held up wonderfully even after delivery on a gravel road in a hurricane! (Carmen, Janelle, Kate, and Meg are my heroines!) I will eventually be posting all this on the baking blog but here are some pics for now:

Packaged and ready, all 270 or so!! (we accidentally made extras!)

Full spread!

Oreo for Chris

The beautiful but pesky dark teal icing!

Apple theme

The icing on the cake (ha ha!) was standing aside and watching all the reception guests swarm the cupcakes and devour them with smiles on their faces. I will never forget that moment. In that moment, Lucy came up to me and said "full time!" and I just laughed for now. Never thought cupcake baking would be a serious contender for my employment. Perhaps after the recession...
This won't be complete without a picture of the bride and groom, stolen from FB! We love you Chris and Clare!!

Now, we are off to Colorado!! 8 days in my favorite state with my amazing family. Pray for us, we have a 10 month old and lots of flying/driving time ahead!

Balance...what is that again?

2011-08-05T13:00:00.000-04:00

Well, its about that time of year again when I start getting overwhelmed. Part of it is the lazy days of summer are being taken over with pre-fall preparations. Part of it are the months of July and August when the baby interns make my work in the ICU that much more...complicated. Oh yes and the 2 out of 4 new RNs that will be making their debut in the CCU next week. (I am loving being an orientation coordinator but this will be the busiest week of the whole year!) Crap, I forgot my evaluations are due Sept 1 also. Did I mention the music I am running for the Life Teen mass all August and for 2 upcoming weddings? and the list goes on...

Well, just getting that all out there makes me feel a little better. I have come to know myself deeper over the years and the one thing that absolutely paralyzes me sometimes is anticipation. All of the things I have lined up are perfectly within my capacity to accomplish, and all are exciting and well worth my time and energy. (OK, reviews aren't exciting, but they definitely aren't hard to do) When I sit down to take care of one matter of business my mind suddenly jumps forward to the next and the next thing on my to-do list and then I sit in a pitiful state of anxiety for the amount of time it would take to actually accomplish a few things. This also hits me before a big roadtrip. Anyone else? I have so many things to pack for the animals, baby, myself, husband, house prep that I find myself browsing facebook instead just to escape it all. Then the time lost makes me all that much more anxious.

So, this is the time of year that I try to re-gain some kind of balance in life. I think it can happen, its just that something has got to give. My first choice would be decreasing my work hours a bit back to where I was when C was born but I am not sure that is the best option being that is the only thing that makes the money. My second choice is convincing my husband to hire me a maid. hehe And my third choice....not sure. I have some thinking to do.

My motivation? Keep working hard so I can work less when I hopefully have more kids someday. We have one more stubborn credit card balance to pay off and a new car to buy on the agenda. If I can get those over with then we can really start living and working for what is more important in life. Just the idea of living life in that way makes me so peaceful. Onward!!

Um, AMEN.

2011-07-27T13:12:00.002-04:00

I stumbled upon this link on facebook today. A blog entry "Gentleness in the Real World" written by a Catholic mother, Elizabeth Foss, who has struck my interest as of late. This is all I need to push me to go ahead and read her book for Catholic moms I've been eying.

Here's an out of context quote to draw you in: "Following the rules does not automatically equal holiness."

I think I'm going to bring her book with me to that retreat I'm attending in Sept. Oh happiness!!

Home, Sweet Home.

2011-07-11T10:02:00.006-04:00

So far this summer we have been big homebodies, and it feels great! Spring brought lots of travel, most of which was unplanned. I feel like we can finally breathe and get to know each other as a family of 3. It is nice making that a priority for a change.

July 4th weekend was so much fun! We spent time doing what we loved to do here in town. We bought paint for the kitchen/dining room, John got to go on a long biking trip in the country with his friend Nick, I got to make 4th of July cupcakes and experiment with creme filling, Celia got to hang out with her 2 favorite parents for 3 days straight and learned to make crawling look easy! We hung out at Friday's After Five and listened to a horrible country rock band while enjoying friends then had a picnic at King Family Vineyards complete with wine tasting and happy birthday America cake. I also got a "night out" with my "Bing" friends...much needed!!! We celebrated Mike Pru, Katie Kasubick and Chris Short's birthdays. So much fun!!

Finally got some use out of my Maarten's mug. Happy birthday Pru!

Lovely ladies at Friday's. Happy birthday Katie!

C already wants a cell phone...

Mama and C, out and having fun!

Festive C, and love me that mountain backdrop

Personally, I think she is the cutest. Outfit from Nana and Papa.

John and I have finally found the drive to make this house more like a home. Painting is half completed in the dining room ("terra cotta," like the pot) and the kitchen is next ("slice," a warm yellow). Our goal is to slowly paint each room and completely move-in and decorate it once that is done. Slowly but surely this place will finally feel more like "ours." It's about time...

Dining Room paint in progress

Celia is keeping us very busy. She has reached the super cute handful stage. She has taken off with her crawling--both hind feet coordinating with arms--and we are mourning the loss of a stationary baby. I am starting to wonder when a baby ceases to become a baby. I put away her newborn and small sized "G diapers" while shedding a few tears. I forgot how tiny she used to be. That in addition to the fact that next week she will be transitioning to the "big baby room" at day care, have me quite emotional. My friend EB told me that they teach them to nap on floor mats at 12 months and I started crying again. This is a little too much for this new momma. At the same time, it is so amazing to see your child grow, learn new things, and become their own bundle of personality. I absolutely love C's inner spirit and feel so blessed that I get to be her mom through all her future stages of life. I love it so much I already find myself looking forward to having more babies. Motherhood is so tough but so worth it.

A picture is worth a thousand words

There will be many adventures ahead: Facilitating music with the teens at DYC, running the STA Life Teen music in August (so John Hopke can get a much needed break while he travels Europe for World Youth Day), baking for Chris and Clare's wedding, and then Sept brings our family to CO for vacay. I am also contemplating a much-needed LT retreat at a music conference in GA late Sept. Audrey Assad (amazing Catholic artist) and Paul George (of Adore ministries) will be facilitating. I don't have to be stupid to know that God wants me there, as those are 2 people who have greatly influenced me over the years. It means 3 days away from C...let the extra pumping begin...that's a lot of milk to prepare!! ;)

RIP Kittan

2011-06-28T10:40:00.005-04:00

I had to put my dear "Kittan" AKA "trashcat" AKA "Sarah" to rest yesterday. Her woes started 2 mos ago when she started pooping all over the house...very unlike her. We treated her for a UTI, put her on behavioral isolation, and changed her diet but I had a feeling something worse was wrong. Well, she lost half her body weight over the next few months. I kept trying to ignore it b/c she was just a cat and I was not willing to spend our savings on more vet visits, tests, and meds but this week it finally reached the point that I felt too guilty to leave her in her condition. She literally looked like death and I knew she had to have the cat cancer. Vet found a mass in her belly among some other disturbing findings and I knew right then and there I had to put her out of her misery. Bad thing for me to go through alone while I still have my nursing hormones. I put my emotional-rock ICU nurse pants on and held Kittan while they let her go. She was just a cat but it still takes a toll on you when this year's death count is steadily increasing in our family. I was a little sad to bring home the empty cat carrier.
Luckily we got out of the house and had some brinner at neighbor Janelle's house. I asked everyone to have a drink that night in honor of Kittan. We will miss you friend. Now I can breathe a little freer with only 2 pets and a baby. (at least all healthy now)

Introducing, My Baking Blog!

2011-06-20T16:28:00.003-04:00

http://cvillesweets.blogspot.com/

This has been a long time coming, and will keep me very entertained because it is also a work in progress. I am happy to have my own dedicated place to post my recent baking projects and share recipes. (I also did some copyright research so I also don't get my self in trouble! ha) Please follow me and feel free to share! Woohoo! Now I just need to get Lucy O Photography to help me make it look even prettier! ;)

8 months later

2011-06-20T12:11:00.005-04:00

I get it. I think I finally have this mom thing down. I am serious. Praise the Lord I finally reached this point.

(Motherhood was a bigger transition than I expected, especially after helping with the rearing of 4 younger brothers)

I can now handle the fact that my schedule revolves around her schedule.
That down time is full of responsible housework time, or if you take the down time it means twice as hard work time the next time.
That you have to be ready at any point for the shit to literally hit the fan. And laugh the whole time because you know you can't control it.
That picking up extra night shifts is worth it because that means one step closer to financial freedom, which means one step closer to breathing free knowing your children will be taken care of.

I am proud of the fact that even though my mother probably thinks I am anal, I am actually a pretty chill mother and am happy with my daughter fully experiencing her world, as long as she gets her naps, feedings, and baths! (My job is responsibility after all)

I couldn't have gotten to this point without my wonderful hubby. I couldn't have asked for a better father for my daughter!!!

Speaking of responsibility, here is some Father's Day inspiration.

Celia Recently

2011-06-13T10:32:00.006-04:00

7 and a half months old!!! Where has the time gone?!

C is becoming a wonderfully chill yet fun loving baby. I fall in love with her more every day. Other than the week or so after she gets a new tooth, she is very well behaved and makes me look like a really good mother. ha! Speaking of teeth, she has her two front bottom incisors. We are working on learning how to eat thicker and clumpier food, but for now it is baby food mixed with grains. She ate her first mashed avocado yesterday and we are looking forward to eating more "real" foods! I made a few batches of homemade baby food which she wholeheartedly rejected. I will try again...

She is a very active baby and spends most of the day on the floor rolling, sitting, "army-crawling." She like her toys but loves any object in the room that isn't a toy. Her newest favs are plastic solo cups, her comb, saltine crackers in the wrapper, and my PJ pants. Crazy child! We are anticipating her crawling any week now. I refuse to baby-proof until she does. (too much work!)

C is slowly practicing her "words." She likes to babble on about anything and everything. She especially likes being loud. At church. Her favs are "ba ba ba ba ba" and just learned "maaaa ma."

She is a star sleeper, for which I am very thankful! Night routine is a diaper change, bedtime lotion, fresh sleeper, nursing time, about 3 seconds of "cuddling" in the rocker, then she grunts until I place her in her crib where she rolls around for 10 min before putting herself to sleep with the pacifier.

Summer time brings a whole new range of "firsts" to explore. Here she is for her first swim!

Hello.

2011-06-06T21:03:00.003-04:00

I'm back again. Sorry for the lapse.

Since I last updated we celebrated the end of my grandmother's beautiful life. We also suffered the tragic death of our friend Nick the same day. They both passed on Divine Mercy Sunday. There was a lot of peace in that. However, I still feel like I haven't caught up on real life since. I am hoping to get my act together soon!!! I hate feeling one step behind but can't seem to muster up the energy to give one last push to get everything in order.

Things to smile about:

I am starting a baking blog. I can't decide between Blogger (too many recent issues) or Wordpress (too complicated!). Either way I am excited to work on it and get it rolling! My cupcake baking has been picking up and I now do occasional jobs for hire. Its fun and I am on the verge of actually making some profit when I do. My new motto is "baking is my therapy" b/c it's true!

We celebrated John's 5 year college reunion from UVA this weekend. It was so much fun to be back on grounds with all of our college friends. I realized that I actually had more friends in his class than my own! We got to show off our amazing daughter and then get a much needed night out together to let loose for awhile (Thanks to our babysitters Janelle and Katie!!)
Wahoowa!!

Life is Beautiful

2011-04-27T10:44:00.004-04:00

I said goodbye to my grandmother yesterday, an amazing woman. Hospice is taking great care of her. Please pray for a speedy and peaceful death. I was able to witness her last rites, and the whole time the phrase "wait in hope for Christ our salvation" was repeating in my mind. I am at a lack for words, but this picture speaks for me.

Birthday!

2011-04-22T22:46:00.002-04:00

This year the 3rd anniversary of my 25th birthday falls on Good Friday.

I think it is pretty incredible that on this day, Jesus died to give me life. Talk about the ultimate birthday gift.

In other thoughts, I am getting old. The reason I say this is that my legs still hurt from the shift I worked yesterday.

I am very blessed with friends and family who reminded me today how much I am loved. More importantly I am blessed by a God who shows His love for me on a daily basis. Here's to the next year of life!!

Happy Triduum!

LENT

2011-04-10T11:06:00.002-04:00

Where have I been? Coping with life one day at a time I guess...
Don't worry I am not depressed, just a little challenged in the sadness and suffering department.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion.

On March 22nd my uncle Russ peacefully passed away in his home. The family was shocked to discover the news the next day when he didn't show up to babysit his beloved grandson. He went the way we all pray we could...on the couch with a remote in one hand, glasses in the other, and a cup of coffee standing by. His wife passed away just 2 years ago from breast cancer, now leaving my cousins without parents. It was a busy weekend for us so I was only able to drive up to Pittsburgh in one day to pay my respects at his wake. It was great to see the whole family but also a fresh reminder of how we have become so broken. I feel that Russ, like me, was one of the few in the family that still talked to everyone...now I am afraid there are only a few left. Its a burden and a blessing that I rarely share my thoughts on here. My cousin Scott wrote a lovely Eulogy that I wanted to share in hopes you can be praying for him and his family:

It’s essentially an impossible assignment to summarize the life of someone who meant the world and more to you in just a few short paragraphs. The only thing that makes the task any easier is the fact that Russell William Pasquini, my Dad, was the exact same lighthearted, truly authentic, unfailingly humble and quietly supportive soul to every single person he met throughout his 64 years on this earth.

He really earned the title of World’s Greatest Dad, and had the t-shirt to prove it. There are pages and pages of compliments I could write about the Old Man, but the one that would float to the top is that he was always, always there when we needed him; he was the steady hand and the voice of calm in our family. I remember very distinctly losing my cool sixteen years ago in the car with my Dad on the way to take my driver’s license test for the 3rd time, after having failed it twice already by means of parallel parking. He made me pull the car over, looked me in the eye and said flatly, “You’ve never quit anything in your life, so don’t start now.” Unfortunately for the rest of the driving world, his pep talk did the trick. Eight years ago, walking into my brother’s rehearsal dinner, I turned to my Dad and asked him what he was planning on saying in his toast. Having no prior experience as a Father-of-the-Groom, he was pretty surprised to find out that he was expected to stand up in front of the crowd and deliver a few prepared words. Twenty minutes later, he stood up and gave one of the most articulate, heartfelt toasts I’ve ever heard. In fact, just four months ago, he gave an encore performance in Chicago the night before my own wedding. He had logged countless hours as a babysitter to Ava & Decklan with great pleasure, and more recently, spent a week and a half babysitting me in Chicago after I had surgery on my knee. He was our rock.

My Dad was also a deeply devoted husband for 41 years. After meeting my Mom on a blind date when he was 18 years old, he stood by her side for 39 years as a husband. And after she lost her battle to breast cancer in January 2009, he spent the last 2 demonstrating his devotion by keeping her memory vibrantly alive and filling many of the roles she had played so successfully for our family. Before my Mom died, you would basically have to bribe the guy to take a picture, let alone get him to smile in one. Every ride my parents gave me to the airport following a visit home would end with a long hug from my Mom and a warm handshake from my Dad. And for decades, my Mom fought a lonely and often fruitless battle to get her husband to eat better and stop smoking. But after she died, my Dad didn’t hesitate to pick up the torch. He quickly amassed a vast library of digital photos of him playing with the grandkids, visiting Rachel & I in Chicago, and soaking up the Florida sun with his sister – a big smile on his face in every one. I was slightly taken aback to depart with a clumsy hug from my Dad when I flew back to Chicago after my Mom’s funeral, and every visit home since, but I’d admit to being downright shocked when my Dad accomplished his goal of losing 100 lbs before slipping on a tux for my wedding four months ago.

My Dad certainly made the most of each day over the past two years, golfing with friends a lot more often, visiting family across the country and completing repairs around the house that had sat on a “To Do” list for far too long before he retired. But despite all of the smiling pictures and story telling, I think everyone who knew my Dad best realized that he was walking wounded without my Mom. And 2 years, 2 months and 2 weeks after she died, my Dad finally succumbed to a broken heart. Much earlier than any of us would have preferred, but he was never one to keep my Mom waiting too long.

In the nearly 12,0000 days that I’ve been alive, I’ve only had to live 4 of them without my Dad, so to be totally honest with you, I’m not quite sure how to do it. But I know what he would do – he’d make sure to smile a lot more, take a picture of every happy moment he could, and remind people often of the thousands of great memories we have together.

...We rolled into Manassas quite late that night but with the excitement to wake up and attend my dear friend Maria's wedding! She is one of 4 of us girls from high school that called ourselves the "fab four" (AKA BFFs.) It is always a special moment when the 4 of us are together and we get an updated picture. The funny thing is that one of us is usually preggo in those pics...lets hope the next time it is Maria and not Erin, lol J/K! She married an incredible man, Landon, and I couldn't be happier for them. The scary thing about the wedding was that I was the cantor, and my voice gave out just seconds after singing the Ave Maria. By the time I got to the reception I had full out laryngitis and remained mute for about a week!

Also during the reception I had some quick onset of flu symptoms. By the time we reached the hotel I was in full out rigors, body aches, and chills. Not good. You know I am sick if I choose to go to bed above catching up with my dear friend Erin who was in town from CA. *sigh* I miss her. We spent the next day catching up with my family which was a lot of fun. The highlight for me was the chicken and waffles I devoured at IHOP for brunch...yum. Skip forward about a week in bed for me, followed by pink eye, resulting in me depleting whatever PTO I had left in my work bank. Now C has the same bug. I am praying John does not get it. We need a healthy family NOW!

Finally my poor Grandma is now in the hospital for the 3rd time this last month. If you could keep her in your prayers that would be great. It is very hard for me to see her suffering, knowing I could take really good care of her if I were just in the place to bring her home, which I am not. I know that her days on this earth are limited but she keeps surprising me at how strong and stubborn her body and mind are. I am at peace with her passing soon, but I am not at peace with her suffering. Hospice is starting to be on the mind, but we will see where this goes.

I know this is just a rut in life, and that things will look up. I find it pretty symbolic and comforting that we are in the season of Lent, meaning I have the resurrection and all its promises to look forward too.

Giveaways!

2011-03-11T17:03:00.004-05:00

Just a quick post to inform you all that my friend and amazing photographer, Lucy, just launched her new website and is offering some great giveaways all week on her blog. You should get on it and look at her work/hire her for your next photography needs! She did C's baby pics that we sent out for Christmas.
You can also find Lucy O Photography on facebook!

GO LUCY GO! Very proud of her :)

Friday!

2011-02-18T11:27:00.002-05:00

A few thoughts to share today. Somehow my Twitter stopped linking to Facebook and I think that is a good thing. I am not one to want to have my daily musings show up there anymore. I also get weirded out when people I really don't know too well comment all too often on those daily thoughts. I need to do another "purging" on facebook of "friends" that aren't really friends...why does that make me feel so guilty though? Maybe I will just restrict them. Silly social media.

I feel kind of bipolar in my motherhood. This week was high acuity in the unit which meant stressful shifts. Add a staff meeting, lecture, and 12 hours called in this last week and I basically worked full time. I did not like this one bit, especially because I am salary. I was exhausted, cranky, and had no drive for homely or motherly tasks. We also had no groceries nor time to get them so I have been eating pretty poorly too. pooo
However, on days I do get lots of sleep and have nothing on the agenda, I am full of drive to do all kinds of projects and go all kinds of places! My recent motivation is to do one of those scrapbook things that all the girls do, ha! I want a homemade personal touch on a baby book for C. I was not motivated for this until I read my father-in-law's baby book from "back in the day" and it was the most fascinating, memorable, priceless thing I have ever seen. Kind of a time capsule too because they used to do all kinds of crazy stuff with babies back then like feed them "nectar" (sugar water), not breastfeed, and start solids at 3 months or sooner. Turns out my father-in-law got what I suspect to be meningitis but back then was called the "sleeping sickness" or "brain fever." He basically slept for over a day straight! Craziness!

Basically, I am ready for better weather, groceries, less CCU acuity, and sleep! The sleep thing will have to wait though because C is starting another growth spurt which means 2 am feedings return! oh well...

Looking forward to SPRING!

2011-02-13T15:58:00.004-05:00

Spring is on my mind. I am so ready to bust out of this house and welcome some warm weather! Ready to take some walks with C and Carly. Ready to plant some flowers then watch them die b/c I am horrible keeping plants alive. But it is so worth their beauty when I can make it last!!! Being cooped up at home more than I am used too plus a little baby and what is now a grown dog means this house needs a good cleaning! Every surface needs dusted, linens need washing, and I sooo want to shampoo our carpets this year! Old preggo clothes and pre-baby tiny clothes needs put away for future use. New clothes need to be bought for my "nursing stage..." (Getting sick of the hand-me-downs!) Everything else needs purged or sorted.

For Valentine's this year I want to clean and organize our room. I know that myself and my parents always put our room last in terms of priority cleaning. I feel like John and I need a special room all to ourselves that is clean, relaxing, and sorted. It also officially needs decorated!! Ever notice how much calmer everyone is when that is accomplished? Plus, I wouldn't mind a clean bathtub to take a nice bubblebath in next time I have a hellish work shift!! Last time I got in that thing was when I was in labor...unacceptable!!

More thoughts to come later, baby awake :)

Theology of the Mother's Body

2011-02-03T13:39:00.003-05:00

I have been in contemplative, retreat mode since last weekend. Today I showered then proceeded to put back on my pajamas. Then, I contemplated that action...and all my motherly actions really.

I have a beginner's knowledge of JPII's Theology of the Body. It is generally about the beauty of our bodies and how spiritual meets physical, reflected especially in our vocations, etc etc. (Really lame summary) But that got me thinking about how I don't remember a focus on the body of a mother. (Perhaps he does but I only learned the condensed version)

I think motherhood is amazing physically. The idea that at one point there are 2 souls in our body. That you can grow a human being that started from 2 cells, one that is not of you. That your child grows and lives inside your womb for so long, that you even begin to pick up on their hiccups and the child learns your voice. That our bodies know how to do all this on their own!!!

I have also learned that motherhood is the hardest thing my body has ever gone through, and it doesn't end at birth!!! I endured 9 months of nausea and worked on my feet 12 hours at a time. My tiny body housing what turned out to be a large baby was absolutely miserable. Then, that baby had to come out....and it involved plenty of pain. I thought is was all over there but no...then you thrive somehow in a constant state of exhaustion where no amount of sleep can refill your lost stores. Being a breastfeeding mother involves constant production of nutrients and a baby hanging off your boobs all day. If that baby is not with you, it involves hooking yourself up to a pump every 3-4 hours in order to continue to provide what is best for her. On top of all this, your body is suddenly a lot plumper than you remember it and your hair begins to fall out. Yet, you must constantly eat because you are still, STILL eating for 2. I could go on....

That rant wasn't for nothing. I have come to know the glorious beauty of this suffering. It is my cross to bear as a mother, the vocation I was born to fulfill. It is my ticket to heaven because it comes with such abundant grace. Grace can give you strength to do anything. My body brought my child into this world and continues to bring her life on a daily basis. My life and my body are no longer solely for me...and that sacrifice makes me a better person everyday. I have become so proud of my body that I want to treasure it. I enjoy getting my hair done, dressing up, putting on make-up so much more now. It is no longer to get attention but rather to honor my motherly awesome-ness. And the great thing is, that if there is a day where all I can muster up is PJ's, that is OK because I know I am worth so much more than the clothes I sport.

Then, I take this thought further and reflect on the fact that Mary did all this, but for Jesus. My mind implodes because it can not handle how incredible that is....

I wish I were more eloquent because I could totally write a book right now.

Despite all its hardships I am already looking forward to doing this all over again someday in the (far?!) future. Now that is grace.

Rub a Dub Dub

2011-01-28T10:36:00.002-05:00

Bath time is fun time!

We love bath time in this house. Especially because today I learned we can do this:

I love my days home with Celia!!

First Day Report

2011-01-26T14:17:00.003-05:00

We survived!! It went better than expected. All in all: success.

I learned having a baby means waking up an hour earlier for work. John was amazed I was out of bed by 5:15. I was too...thank you adrenaline. It was actually kind of nice getting ready while everyone was fast asleep...something that never happens here anymore. I even had time to do my hair and attempt to mask the dark circles under my eyes!

I was almost giddy when I got to work. It was extremely early and it felt so surreal for me to be a "professional" again. (I like to think I am a professional mom but it feels different...) I ended up getting a lovely assignment with 2 very nice patients and families. I was able to help one facing a new emergency heart condition and help the other finally recover from a few weeks of an ICU stay and gain some sense of "normalcy" again. Fulfilling day, which made me realize I am still called to the vocation of nursing on top of motherhood! I took my time giving meds, final report, and charting. It meant I was the last nurse out of there but I didn't care. Bonus: I was still able to put IVs in an elderly person, but it was nerve wracking. Now I just have to work on moving away from my own assignment and help out on the unit more...I had a bit of tunnel vision. Not bad for the first day back in 3 months though.

The pumping went well. A few painful moments...it just means I have to be better about stopping what I am doing to pump...period. My coworker who lends his office was so sweet, he had relaxing music ready to go for my first break. Its little things like that that make me realize what amazing coworkers I have. They are all very supportive of breastfeeding mothers which makes such a difference in a new mom's life back at work.

C did well from what I gathered in our phone updates. She was asleep when John dropped her off so the poor thing woke up to quite a surprise. She had a little trouble eating from the bottle at first but Missy did well at improvising to get her in the groove. They use disposables there which meant they had to handle one of her famous "blowouts." This is why I packed 2 extra outfits for them :) She napped like a champ, which is a big relief for me.

The only teary moment was when I got home and she was already asleep for the night. Couldn't be woken up for anything. I got over it and ate my dinner...but as soon as she peeped I ran up there to change her into her sleeper and swaddler. I will admit I worked hard to wake her up at that point but we had some great mommy-daughter time and she was able to nurse. C was all smiles and "talked" all about her first day of school. I probably threw off her sleeping schedule but it was worth it to go to bed knowing she was well fed and loved.

It will take a few tries to get a routine going. John and I decided that he is in charge of preparing our meals for our co-work days and I am in charge of getting C's meals and supplies ready. I think that system should work well. I love my hubby...I don't know how single moms or military wives do it.

I am proud to be handling motherhood and part-time work balance. I caught myself thinking too hard about what to do when a second baby comes along. I need to stop that for now :)

All Good Things...

2011-01-20T14:28:00.003-05:00

...must come to an end eventually.

This week I bid farewell to maternity leave. Luckily we have a mandatory 2 day "Epic" computer training, and my old ACLS renewal hours counted for this week, so I logged in my 24 hours without even stepping foot on the unit. Celia did very well without me--"perfect angel" is what John called her--so the daycare debut should go splendid next week. I hate calling it daycare because this facility is right next to the hospital and is more like a pre-school. I kind of want to call it "baby school." Missy will be her caretaker, along with an assistant and a "floating" assistant between the 2 baby rooms, so the ratio seems to be almost 1:2-3 most times. Can't beat it, and they provide diapers and baby food when the time comes. I feel blessed about our situation, as I have no choice but to work for now, but only part-time!

My friend Shannon said part-time is the best of both worlds. She is right. It felt so good to use my skills again, and hang out with adults!! The time apart was refreshing to both of us...I am not as overwhelmed with "housewife-ness" (this is a challenge for me), and she is finally moving out of her separation anxiety phase. I cherish the other 5 full days a week I have with her so much more now. I also don't work enough anymore for it to be too overwhelming.

So far the prep is going well:
1. Move C to the nursery so I can get ready in the morning without waking her. Check. (Slept even longer, woo woo!)
2. Change feeding pattern to both sides at once/4 oz every 3 hours. Make sure she eats well from a bottle. Check.
3. Get in the groove of pumping and figure out which supplies are needed for a full day out. Check. Ordered custom parts for comfort, have the storage and cleaning aspects down. All in all I can get set-up, pumping, and clean-up done in 10ish min which is important for being in the ICU! A co-worker lends his adjacent office to us pumping ladies. (Thankful for understanding co-workers!)
4. Buy more bottles, nipples, and cool pack to carry them in. Check. Thank you amazon.com for your amazing deals.
5. Get over this horrible cold. In progress...saw the NP yesterday and got some ABX for a sinus infection. Already feeling better today. Got some pro-biotics for C as some will pass through the breast milk. That helped her tummy a lot last time.
6. Make C's baby classroom poster. Supplies bought--Ongoing weekend family project. I am going to love when she is in school and I get to help her create things!
7. Paperwork for care providers...next on the list. I have to fill out all her likes/dislikes/habits/ etc. This will be important, so I am thinking it will be my big task tomorrow.
8. Learn how to handle mommy separation anxiety while taking care of extremely ill ICU patients and their frantic sometimes neurotic families...How can anyone prepare for this?! I will do my best.

T-5 days...

2 months

2011-01-04T14:27:00.003-05:00

A little late on this one. C is currently 10 weeks old but better late than never...

Stats:
12 lbs 11 oz
24 inches
90% or better

2 months is a dream! C has gotten over her fussiness and her GI system seems to be working much better-- less gas and pain, and a nice little pooping schedule! I now breastfeed one side at a time every hour and half or so to cut down on her reflux, with a double feed each morning and bedtime. She is a star burper at last!
She is still sleeping at night in her beloved Fisher Price Lil-Lamb Dream Swing. It is the best baby item we own by far. I think it helps with her reflux b/c it elevates her head slightly. Add a swaddle blanket, pacifier, swinging action, and the white noise setting and you have a recipe for success. She started sleeping past 3:30 to 6:30 once she hit 2 months old. Her wake-up time varies but is still consistently 3:30 to 6:30 and she goes back to sleep afterward until I am willing to get out of bed. Can anyone say perfect baby?! I can't handle putting her in her own room yet...she's just too stinkin cute.

She is smiling up a storm. Recognizes faces and voices and will turn head to track them. No laughing yet but does do a cute little squeak when she smiles. Can hold a rattle in her hand but hasn't figured out what to do with it yet. Lots of bouncing in her froggie chair! Hates tummy time but her neck muscles are getting stronger with practice while sitting in my lap--we should be able to use a bumbo chair in no time!
There are so many parenting books out there on how to raise your babies and place them on certain schedules with specific goals in mind. I have been too lazy to read through all of these. My method has been to respond to her needs right away, demand feed, put her down for naps when nothing else can soothe her. By doing this, she actually set her own bedtime which I have learned to follow religiously for fear she breaks out of it! I have also "separated" bedtime from nap-time by swaddling her at night, hoping it is an extra signal and tool for keeping her asleep.

The new baby adrenaline has worn down and I am more tired even though I am getting more sleep. The G diapers are awesome but I have to stay on a routine to keep enough prepped and liners clean for re-use. (Note to self: write future blog post praising G-diapers) Holiday visitors have been my only motivation to keep the house clean. I caught a nasty virus which gave me a chest cold and laryngitis...so I am going easy on myself and napping when C naps. Once I recover it is go time! Need to get her on a daytime routine and my baby items organized in time for her first day of daycare!! Let the countdown begin...I return to work, but only 2 shifts a week praise Jesus, on Jan 19th.

Baking Adventures

2010-12-21T13:25:00.007-05:00

After so much positive feedback from C's Baptism cupcakes we went cupcake crazy this year to bring along to some fun Christmas parties! I got this snowman idea from Martha Stewart.
The only thing I would do differently is make almond or peppermint buttercream icing instead, because as soon as I added the vanilla I regretted it: looked more like yellow snow next to the pure white marshmallows! So I dipped them in shiny clear sprinkles to lessen the damage :)
Many have asked for my vanilla buttercream recipe, I got it here.

Then I ran out of marshmallows so I decided to go with melting snowmen! (The eyes are chocolate jimmies and the noses are orange jellies cut into triangles, I love that they look like duck bills almost!)

Then I was REALLY out of marshmallows so we did some fancy icing dyed light blue and added some sparkle and snowflakes!

I have off this year for Christmas (thank you Celia for being born at such a wonderful time!) I am enjoying living a home-y lifestyle this holiday season. (Most holidays vacation time is unheard of and I work half the holidays...makes relaxation and travel nearly impossible. If you know any hospital nurses, give them some love during the holidays!) This prompted me to decorate like crazy and tackle some family recipes. I was talking with Patrick Decker, and he nailed it on the head: perhaps once you have children of your own, you want to be able to pass things on to them. Hence my inspiration for some Lithuanian cookies. I grew up with these and other cookies every Christmas back when we would travel up to Pittsburgh to Nanny's house!

Anise Cookies

The first thing you need is a bottle of Anise Oil. Not easy to find. We had to special order it from a family run pharmacy in Downtown Charlottesville. It came in the very next day, most impressive!

Then next thing you need is some inspiration and motivation. Enter the first snow of the year:

This was the view from my kitchen:

And finally you need a small army of strong women. I gathered everyone in the family I could:

OK, here are the ingredients for the cookies:

6 eggs
3 cups sugar
2 cups mazola oil
14 cups flour sifted (yes you read that right)
1 tsp. salt
2.5 tsp baking soda
2.5 tsp baking powder
2 cups sour milk or buttermilk
3/4 tsp anise oil

And the directions verbatim from "Aunt Nell:"
1. Beat eggs well. Add sugar and mix well. Add oil and beat well. Add milk and anise oil.
2. Sift 4 cups flour and to this add baking soda, baking powder, and salt.
3. Add dry ingredients (#2) to step #1 liquid mixture. (Just the 4 cups flour to start)

4. Add more flour to make a soft dough (about 10 more cups). 1 cup of this should be used on board to knead at the end. Use beater until it becomes too thick: (I got 7 cups of flour in. You know it is too thick because your red Kitchen aid mixer will start to smell like burning and will be hot to the touch! eek!)

...then use heavy spoon. (This lasted for one more cup of flour =8 then I gave up)...

...then knead it as a dough. Becomes heavier as your progress. Knead it well. (This is where the army of strong women starts to pay off. Thank God I have had a baby to carry around as an upper arm workout.)

5. Take about the size of a walnut and roll in had into string and put together in a circle. Make hole rather big as it closes up when baked. (This was very time intensive, really wishing I had army of women at this point)

6. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes on greased cookie sheet. Turn pan in oven after 8 min. (I don't know why but I'm sure they wrote that for a reason so I did it)

Then you get this, but you aren't done yet!

Icing for Anise Cookies

Ingredients:
1/2 box powdered sugar (AKA 2 cups)
1 tablespoon butter melted
boiling water
a couple drops of anise oil (to taste)

You will use about 1 box powdered sugar for whole recipe. It is best to start with this 1/2 recipe or it becomes hard until you ice all the cookies (true that).

Leave icing in bowl and dip cookies one at a time. Dip upside down and blow hole so it opens then take spoon and remove whatever runs down on sides.

Now here is the thing. They don't specify how much boiling water. Or what to do with ingredients. Basically you get a small bowl and melt the butter then add the powdered sugar. Then you add the boiling water and mix until it is not too thick or too thin. I topped it off with 2 drops of anise oil at the end. You just have to get a feel for it. You want some transparency but not too much...so here are what mine looked like:

I got a little fancy and added some extra flair here by flinging extra frosting all over:

Is it worth the work? YES. Husband and friend approved. Makes enough to mail to family for Christmas, and take to 2 Christmas parties, and eat some everyday for a week. :) Now all you need is a shot of Veritas and you are a true Lithuanian!

Rejoice

2010-12-10T12:48:00.004-05:00

All of my life
in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

I finally returned to Life Teen Band practice last night. I will get to sing at C's Baptism mass because 2 grandmas will be readily available to hold her :) What a blessing! Now that I have been deprived of my weekly singing, it makes the opportunities I have so much more special. It is a beautiful gift. I was all tears thinking about C's upcoming Baptism this Sunday during our song and prayer. Thank God Fr. Luke finally opened my eyes that I am not a sobbing mess when that happens, but rather it is the Holy Spirit making His presence known. Amen. Come Holy Spirit...

Catch-up!!

2010-12-06T10:53:00.009-05:00

We have been busy. Not just with taking care of a newborn but then taking said newborn to fun events and hosting Thanksgiving. Here is a picture wrap-up:

Friends Lucy and Keith got married!!! Sadly this is the one picture I have of both of them, taken after their pie eating contest!!! (Looks like Lucy won) They are an amazing couple, and Lucy just happened to take our family photos you can preview here

I can finally enjoy wine again!

But combine 10 months of soberness and weeks of sleep deprivation and you get this:

Celia was the life of the party at the Bing Lane table and even got to dance with her parents:

I even entered the pie eating contest along with friends Mike and Michael. I beat them both!!!

We decided to stay put for Thanksgiving this year but invited family to join us. The Mee clan and 2 of the dogs showed up to celebrate!!

Sleep, Baby, Sleep

2010-12-06T09:43:00.005-05:00

After 5 nights straight I can safely say we have a baby who likes to sleep!!!

How we got on such a healthy sleep schedule really beats me. I would like to say it was our spectacular parenting skills but honestly, she just declared it on her own. It started on her 6 week birthday and I woke up to the normal grunts and whimpers but panicked when I saw the clock: 3AM. C had slept for 7 hours straight!! She was hungry but just as happy as can be. I was in shock but very excited. My body forgot what it was like to sleep that many hours in a row: 6 whole hours for me! I felt like I could wake up then and there and start my day. SPECTACULAR!!

It must really be true that 6 weeks is when everything starts to get better. Besides sleep, we have noticed a little less fussiness and a lot more alertness. She only dozes in and out during the day which keeps me on my toes but gives us a lot of good interaction time. C is starting to focus on objects and faces, and even sneaks in what I swear is a real smile from time to time. We have back and tummy time once a day on her play-mat (thanks Nicole!) which gives her good practice kicking her legs and moving her arms around. She turns her head to familiar voices, focuses on faces, and is intrigued by random noises. We also try to have some music time each day, and I sing her bedtime and bath-time songs. (She is named after the patron saint of music after all!)

Her 1 month stats are: 10lbs 9 oz, 21.5 in. Dr. Hawkes said with a smile that she is definitely thriving!!

3 Years

2010-11-12T13:51:00.008-05:00

Wednesday John and I celebrated 3 years of marital bliss...

Add a 3-week old to the mix and, well, anniversary plans get pretty unorganized. The highlights this year were that we both got super cute haircuts, picked out cards, and went out to a fancy Hamilton's dinner downtown. Our good friend Jen even watched Celia for us! (God bless peds nurses! I can trust her more than myself. My instructions as a first time mom for my 3 week old baby were: "she likes being swaddled at night if she fusses and fresh milk is in the fridge. Goodbye!")
We realized this was the last nice dinner out alone for awhile so we made sure to order everything on the menu. Our friends have turned us into foodies, so I must mention what we feasted on:
*Grilled Aged Prime Beef Tenderloin w/ White Truffle Butter, Garlic Whipped Potatoes, Asparagus & a Burgundy Reduction
*Pan roasted jumbo lump crabcakes with a lemon basil aioli over jasmine rice with some fancy asian slaw salad.
*House rum cocktail and glass of "Symphony" white wine
*espresso creme brulee and assorted fruit sorbets and frambroise port for dessert

Here are some fun photo memories of our wedding day. We had SUCH a blast that day: