(photo from hanneorla's Flickr)

Sometime in April, I watched in horror as my husband pulled his shirt up. Sure enough, the rash had migrated across his chest up into his armpits, and even his shoulder.

“Oh, Sweetie,” I said to him. “I’m so sorry to see you this way.” I rubbed lotion all over the rash to soothe it, though I knew that as long as the pressure remained, the rash would only move once again.

In Chinese, he always called his condition shénjīngxìngpíyán (神经性皮炎), sensory neurodermatitis. Over the years, I came to know this — along with those sudden stomach aches John would get before a challenging day at school, and even his allergies — as a sure sign of my husband’s stress or anxiety.

I can count on one hand the times I’ve seen John cry, an emotional response that I pull out at least once a month — and sometimes, in the past months as we faced pressure from the discrimination, at least once a week. The strongest emotion I’ve seen from John would be what I might call frustration, but even that’s nothing compared to the anger I’ve flashed before him in the past. Instead, I read how John really feels through things like his spreading rash, or his stomach aches — things he referred to as somatization, the channeling of emotions into physical symptoms.

John mentioned somatization when he came across the idea during research about Chinese psychology: that Chinese might have a tendency to somatize, or complain of physical problems, when they experience psychological or emotional distress. Almost immediately afterwards, I mentioned his rash, stomach aches, and allergies — and John laughed in acknowledgement, that somehow he symbolized this very phenomenon.

But it’s not as if somatizing is just a Chinese thing. After all, when I get stressed, I don’t just show in my emotions — I also break out badly. In the past year, as I watched John weather the discrimination, he also watched my forehead become a war zone of acne.

Still, my acne can’t compare to John’s rashes. When we first came to the US together, his neurodermatitis flared up on his thighs, and turned into welts that took months to heal and even longer for the scars to fade. I still see scars all over his chest and arms from the past academic year.

But now that the year has ended and we feel even more hopeful, the neurodermatitis has faded away, leaving only a small patch on his bicep. Still, the challenges won’t end here — John must create an internship, and start that internship this fall — and, chances are, neither will John’s rash. That’s why I have more lotion stashed away, ready for another flareup.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. My Hairstyling Nirvana in China
2. “Zao sheng guizi”: the pressure of having babies in a Chinese family
3. A Chinese boyfriend/Chinese husband and foreign woman 30 years ago, through “Son of the Revolution”

Somatized | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

(Image from iVinay's Flickr)

Over the past few months, I’ve gotten a number of e-mails from Chinese men in China that go like this:

I want to find Western women to date, but I’m too busy and don’t really have the time/resources to go out and meet them like you suggested. I was thinking about placing an advertisement online to find myself a yangxifu. What do you think?

I’m all for anyone taking a step towards love, even if it means placing an ad online in an expat magazine like the Beijinger. But should you rely on ads alone to find the yangxifu of your dreams? Not unless you’re dreaming.

First, there’s just the numbers — we all know single Western women still make up a minority of expats in China, even though more of them come to China every year. Then you have to ask, of these women, how many of them are actually looking at your ads? There’s no way to answer that, though I can tell you this — for some Western women in China, expat sites and even forums become rather depressing because they’re frequently packed with the worst kind of internet goons (this negative vibe turned me off from “expat sites” early on during my time in China).

Add to this the fact that it’s just tough to charm people through hard, cold black-and-white print — especially if you’re talking about single Western women who just happen to automatically exclude you because you’re Chinese. It’s sad but true — some of your target women still don’t see Chinese men as dating material, and they’ll skip your ad the moment they see your photo or the word “Chinese man.” There’s also the trust factor involved with ads — as in, can I trust this person — that makes it that much harder for a woman to respond to you.

That’s why I really believe that, if you want to find the yangxifu of your dreams, you’ve got to do it beyond print and online. Yes, it means going to new places, getting the courage to approach women you don’t know, and dealing with some rejection (which we all have to face). But when you do it in person, you have the opportunity to charm that woman, to woo her with your personality and character, to show you’re someone she can trust…to perhaps even change her mind forever about Chinese men. From my perspective, that alone makes it worthwhile to be out there. Besides, have you forgotten that Chinese saying — 好事多磨 [hǎoshìduōmó] (good things require more effort)?

So I say go ahead, place the ad — and then go head out the door and start looking in the real world.

P.S.: For some inspiration, I also recommend reading J.T. Tran’s dating tips for Chinese men.

What do you think?

Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Send me yours today.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Ask the Yangxifu: How Western Women Can Meet Chinese Men in China
2. Ask the Yangxifu: Staring in China at Couples of Chinese Men-Western Women
3. Ask the Yangxifu: How Chinese Men Can Approach Western Women in China

Ask the Yangxifu: On Placing Ads To Find Western Women | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

Anna Sophie Loewenberg (photo by Sheila Zhao, provided courtesy of Anna Sophie Loewenberg)

My Anna Sophie Loewenberg interview just hit the presses yesterday in Asian Jewish Life. It’s called Loewenberg: On Screen, Off Screen & Behind the Scenes. My special thanks to Erica Lyons for doing a fantastic job with the editing, and also giving me a huge helping hand with the photographs for the piece. Thanks also to Susan Blumberg-Kason, who contacted me about doing the interview.

Additionally, since the entire interview didn’t make it into Asian Jewish Life, Erica gave me the go-ahead to share those unpublished excerpts with you – exclusive interview extras that you’ll only find here on Speaking of China, which cover more of Anna Sophie’s latest documentary about a gay papercut artist. So without further ado, here they are:

——

How did you become interested in exploring gay life in China?

Anna Sophie Loewenberg (ASL): Even before I was doing documentaries and print, I tended to be drawn to people on the margins of society in general, so that was kind of a natural fit for me. Pretty much my biggest fan base is actually gay, so that kind of pulled me in. So many of the people who are interested in and support my work are part of that movement. So that was kind of a natural thing for me. Whatever it is, if you don’t quite fit in, if you’re somewhat of a square peg, that tends to be what I find interesting to tell stories about because I think it tells us a lot about society and how the society as a whole either accepts or doesn’t accept those people and also how those people are able to function within the larger society, I think that is really interesting.

So could you tell us more about your documentary and what it’s about?

ASL: It’s called The Siberian Butterfly and it’s about a papercut artist who does traditional Chinese papercuts, he’s from Shanxi Province and so he’s from the heartland of this type of folk art. He’s married, he has kids and everything, he was basically just like a typical nongmin [peasant]. But he at some point 10 or 15 years ago, he really started to come into his gay identity and realized that he was gay. He moved to Beijing and he had very interesting homoerotic themes in his art, kind of taking a very traditional art form and really bringing a modern perspective to it. So it’s really profiling him and his life. I’m working on it with Queer Comrades, which is an NGO in Beijing for LGBT media and they’re helping me produce it.

How did you find the subject for your documentary?

ASL: I met him, actually, through one of my old housemates. I had a housemate who was also a filmmaker, his name is Fan Popo, he’s fairly well known in the gay community in China because he does a lot of films with gay themes. When he was 20 years old or something, he actually wrote a book in Chinese about gay cinema around the world. So we were housemates. People often say to me, “Oh, this would be great for Sexy Beijing, that would be great for Sexy Beijing.” And so he said, “You have to meet the Siberian Butterfly, I think you guys would love each other and he would be great for Sexy Beijing.” So that’s how I started to have the idea.

So, how has the project turned out for you? (continued)

ASL: …It’s been different, it’s definitely been challenging and, in talking with a guy from Queer Comrades, I just hope that it’s not boring for people because it’s just not that upbeat, fast kind of a pace that Sexy Beijing has. But like they say, part of their mission is about telling the stories of LGBT people in China much more so than just selling their stories. It’s not about a didactic, you know, “It’s great to be gay!” It’s not necessarily about showing people who aren’t gay that this is why being gay is okay. It’s not about a gay poster boy. It’s just one of many stories of people who are not part of the mainstream but yet are very unique and special in their own way. They say they feel people who are very interested in this issue will find it interesting. But it’s a lot more intimate and quiet.

—–

Read the rest of my interview with Anna Sophie Loewenberg on Asian Jewish Life.

P.S.: Check out a clip from The Siberian Butterfly:

Possibly Related Posts:

1. What Would You Like Me To Ask Anna Sophie Loewenberg of Sexy Beijing?
2. Ask the Yangxifu: How Does China View Gay Families?
3. Interview on My New Chinese Love

Anna Sophie Loewenberg Interview + Exclusive Interview Extras Here | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

(photo by Onclebob)

Because I’m currently on deadline for two paid articles (I write for a corporate magazine, they’re both due tomorrow, I’m in the crunch, Yikes!), I’m unable to drum up a fresh post for today.

However, one thing to look forward to — my exclusive interview with Anna Sophie Loewenberg should be coming out shortly (I’m hoping sometime this week). If you’re curious about what she’s been up to and what her latest 30-minute documentary is about, stay tuned.

In the meantime, if you’re looking for a good read, I’m going to recommend a few of my baby-related articles. Why babies? For one, my stepsister just had a baby, her first. Second, a Chinese friend of mine just commented about one of my posts on having kids — and I realized that some of you might have missed it. Third, I believe there’s a link between babies and deadlines — namely, that some folks out there seem to have those kiddos to meet some biological or societal cutoff.

“Zao sheng guizi”: the pressure of having babies in a Chinese family. This is the classic post my friend raved about. If you’ve ever been harangued by your Chinese relatives about your indecision in the reproductive department, well, this one’s for you.

My Chinese Husband, Almost Switched at Birth. When someone gives birth to a baby boy, you wouldn’t say “can we switch babies?” Unless, of course, you happened to be neighbors to my Chinese husband’s family.

The China Baby Race. My Chinese friend Peter had only been married to his wife for about a year. And within that year, he and his wife had already turned double happiness into triple happiness. Fast.

Wish me luck on cranking out those articles.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. The China Baby Race
2. “Zao sheng guizi”: the pressure of having babies in a Chinese family
3. My Chinese Husband, Almost Switched at Birth

On Deadline, But Check Out My Posts on Babies in China | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

(photo by Julia Freeman-Woolpert)

Lana asks:

I’ve been dating this Chinese guy in Beijing recently. We have this great chemistry and he’s wonderful to me in every possible way except one thing….he doesn’t really want to speak Chinese with me. Whenever I would try to talk w/ him in Chinese, he would answer back in English, so we would just usually end up speaking only English. He knows I studied Chinese before, and I asked him if we could speak a little more often….he always says he will, but we never do. I know my Chinese isn’t perfect but it’s not that bad. What gives?

—–

So few native speakers, so many Chinese desperate to practice their English. Any foreigner who’s been to China knows the math.

But I’m not sure that’s the one explanation behind this. After all, this guy seems to genuinely like you, and I doubt you’d be with him if you started getting the “he’s just using me for English” vibe (which usually isn’t hard to sniff out).

Maybe it’s a matter of pride, that he’s so proud of his English ability that he won’t speak anything else with a native speaker. Maybe it’s just habit, that he automatically switches to English the moment he sees a foreign face. But whatever it is, that doesn’t make it right to do it with you.

Look, the best relationships should be about give and take, and he’s sure not giving you anything in the language department. That’s a shame. After all, I once wrote that the couple that wordplays together, stays together. I’m not saying the guy needs to become your private Mandarin tutor, but at least he should support you.

But more than that, he’s ignoring this entire dimension of who you are — the side of you that speaks Chinese. Maybe she’s not as eloquent as the English-speaking version, but she deserves a voice in this relationship too.

What do you think?

Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Send me yours today.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Ask the Yangxifu: Language Barriers in Love
2. Ask the Yangxifu: Is Married Chinese Man Worth The Trouble?
3. Ask the Yangxifu: How Western Women Can Meet Chinese Men in China

Ask the Yangxifu: He Won’t Speak Chinese With Me? | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

(downloaded from official Titanic movie site)

“Chinese are drawn to the reverse-Cinderella tale—the story of a poor man falling in love with a rich girl, and of love trumping all else.”

That’s what I read in a Wall Street Journal article last week, which cited this as the reason why the movie Titanic is so popular in China. It continued:

…some of the most successful love stories in China touch on similar themes, catering to “Chinese audiences’ psychology of a normal male hungering for the touch from a ‘fairy.’

The theory behind the film’s draw stands in stark contrast to urban China’s increasingly money-driven marriage culture, in which many men complain that without a house and a car they have little chance of attracting a woman’s affections, or her parents’ approval.

When I read this, I had to wonder — was the attraction of Western women to Chinese men also a sort of reverse-Cinderella tale, in a sense? Maybe most Chinese men with dreams of a yangxifu aren’t as poor as penniless Jack Dawson who rode in the third-class section of Titanic. But perhaps the cache of having a Western wife, of a woman who could open up opportunities to him (such as study or work abroad, or more), could work like a reverse-Cinderella story to some men?

Of course, my Chinese husband John loved Titanic, so I asked him about it.

“You know, in China there is a naive romantic dream out there, just like in those old classic movies and Titanic,” he said.

“But did your naive romantic dream have anything to do with why you became interested in me?”

He smiled as his face blushed. “Sure, a little.”

Well, I could see that. John’s always been a dreamer — in love and in life. And if Titanic and other reverse-Cinderella stories happened to give him an extra nudge in my direction, well, I’m grateful. He’s the love of my life, as fierce as the love that Jack and Rose shared onscreen, and I’m glad our “hearts will go on” together.

What do you think? Do you see Chinese men (such as those who grew up in China or other countries in Asia) and Western women in love as another reverse Cinderella story like Titanic? Why or why not?

Possibly Related Posts:

1. 2011 Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men
2. 2012 Blogs By Western Women Who Love Chinese Men
3. Featured in China Daily Article: Western Women, Chinese Men

Titanic’s Reverse-Cinderella Story and the Appeal of Western Women to Chinese Men | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

(photo by Fernando Weberich)

Single Overseas Chinese Guy asks:

Although this may not affect you yourself. It affects a whole load of us overseas born Chinese types. Simply how on earth do we respond to the constant questions of how come you aren’t married yet?

Parents go to Chinese weddings, and fiery arguments ensue about getting married.

Fake BFs/GFs are old utilised tricks. But over time they cease to work and to be honest it feels bad tricking parents like this.

In our first generation barely anybody is married these days. But there seems an increasing desperation in the voices of parents wanting you to get married. As if it is a magic bullet or something. They just simply do not seem to realise that getting married isn’t the be all and end all of things. Yet their old fashioned values don’t seem to tie in with single independent people!

——

You know, SOCG, I feel your pain — in a different sort of way. Every time I go back to my in-laws’ home, I get a different, though equally loaded question: how come you haven’t had a baby yet?

I once vented my frustration on this site:

The hardest was this past summer in China. My Chinese mother-in-law brought [having children] up once again — it was less of an admonition and more a friendly reminder. I think she is beginning to understand the pressure we have. Still, I felt depressed on one level. I imagined that my Chinese mother-in-law thought me especially unfilial. No child yet, from the one daughter-in-law who could, conceivably, have as many as she wanted. My uterus is like prime real estate that I haven’t even bothered to rent out or sell.

I don’t even live close to them, but the pressure of this question weighed on me even long after I returned to the US. You might say I have it easier than you.

Then again, I survived essentially an entire summer living with my in-laws, so I also know what it’s like to feel that pressure on a daily basis. Actually, after a while my mother-in-law didn’t even have to say anything — the fact that one of my sisters-in-law had a newborn baby in the home pretty much took the place of any potential nagging.

Still, whenever I complained about it to my husband, he always reminded me to understand them. And that’s advice you could probably use too.

Consider what the Book of Rites, more than 2,000 years old and considered one of the five Confucian classics, said on the subject of marriage:

Marriage combines two families. It serves your ancestors, and continues the family lineage. For gentlemen, this is very important.

…..

The marriage ritual is the foundation of all rituals.

Marriage (and, for that matter, having children) are the equivalents of required coursework in Chinese culture. You don’t skip them, you don’t take an incomplete — you do them because, from a Chinese perspective, that’s life, that’s what people do. Marriage is also a filial act, since it gives you the opportunity to have children (and as I’ve learned, not having children is the most unfilial thing a person can do in traditional Chinese culture). Remember, the Book of Rites said, “this is very important.”

So it’s no wonder your parents bug you about marriage. This is the culture they grew up with, and they’re just passing it on to you. But more than that, this isn’t them intentionally bugging you; it is also how parents and relatives show they care — which sounds weird, but trust me, it’s true. Actually, in China, asking someone if they’re married is in some sense another way of asking if you’re okay (the thinking is, if you’re married and settled down, you must be happy and okay in life). Next time they ask you, realize where they’re coming from, and that this isn’t an attack on your lifestyle. This is just their culture.

I still haven’t found the ultimate response to the “how come you haven’t had a baby yet” question, and I don’t know that I have any ultimate responses to recommend to you. But you know, you might sometime engage your parents and relatives in a conversation, where you ask them about when they were single. Say this: what was it like before you got married? I can almost guarantee they had to endure the same “how come you’re not married yet” questions from their parents and relatives when they were still singletons. Maybe they even had a hard time finding someone of their own. And if they tell you about it, they might remember what it felt like to be single and drowning in marriage pressure. That whole discussion might even lead into you helping them realize just how hard it is for you to find that special someone. They might even empathize with you for once…

At least, until they attend their next Chinese wedding.

What do you think? What advice do you have?

—–

Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Send me yours today.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Ask the Yangxifu: Is Married Chinese Man Worth The Trouble?
2. Ask the Yangxifu: Cheating with a Married Chinese Man
3. One Chinese Woman Fears Marriage

Ask the Yangxifu: Dealing With “How Come You Aren’t Married Yet?” | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

My Chinese husband, wearing my "Red Army" cap

Slam.

I’m sure I heard that sound this past Friday, after a phone call closed one of the best options for my husband’s internship. The person in question echoed much of the same discrimination we’ve known from the past. It sent me reeling for much of the evening, and well into Saturday.

Maybe it hurt me harder because I considered this person’s very emergence a miracle. That kind of “hey, someone else actually believes in my husband too” sort of feeling. But the person turned out to be nothing more than a mirage, and so were the opportunities.

Still, even if they’re not real, mirages can sting. I should know, because I came this close to just giving in, just saying, “To hell with it, maybe they were right all along.”

But yesterday, I donned my Red Army cap, the very one I bought years ago on a trip to Chairman Mao’s hometown of Shaoshan, Hunan, and headed outside with my husband to kick around a soccer ball in an empty soccer field nearby. It’s something we do as a way to exercise as a couple and just let off a little steam. Yesterday, however, surprised me. When I first tried juggling soccer balls with my feet some four years before, I couldn’t even hit it twice. But yesterday, I hit it eight and nine times in a row, twirling around and lunging my leg to catch the ball with a grace I never knew before. Every kick and every jump thrilled me, because even months before I couldn’t imagine juggling a soccer ball with such ease.

Later, I wondered — if I could do the impossible with a soccer ball, then couldn’t my husband and I do the impossible with his future? We still want to finish his training in this country. Many people out there seem to collude against him, to suggest it will never happen, to imply his failure. But this is too important to stop. If it takes more time, so be it. If we must pound the pavement and keep calling on more people — even strangers — we’ll be out there. With time and effort, we’ll figure out how to juggle this and make it work too. My husband calls it the “Long March Spirit,” the same spirit behind that Long March taken by China’s Red Army in the 1930s.

More than a month ago, I wept before a friend of mine. “Where is our miracle?” I asked her, after months of losing support and watching doors get slammed over and over in front of my husband. But now I realize I was wrong. We had a miracle all along — that my husband and I love each other so much that we’ll march together, hand-in-hand, until we make it.

Now where are my boots and my Red Army cap?

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Lost in China, and the spirit of the White Egret
2. My Hairstyling Nirvana in China
3. Ask the Yangxifu: Gifts for Chinese Valentine’s Day

The Miracle of the “Long March Spirit” | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

Pearl S. Buck (from wikimedia.org)

Some of the best creative works about Chinese men and Western women in love came from Western women who never once had a Chinese husband. I’d like to salute five of these women, who in my opinion will always be honorary yangxifu (foreign wives of Chinese men).

Pearl S. Buck

Pearl Buck didn’t just make her mark in the literary world with her novels about life in China — she also was one of the first to write about love between Chinese men and Western women in East Wind: West Wind. Pearl married twice, both white American men, but some allege she was a secret lover of the famous Chinese poet Xu Chimo. Maybe her supposed affair inspired some of those on-the-page Chinese man-Western woman romances? Who knows, but she’ll always be the ultimate honorary yangxifu in my book.

Rachel DeWoskin (photo by Anne Li)

Rachel DeWoskin

Rachel DeWoskin tied the knot with playwright Zayd Dohrn, but some of her heart still belongs to China. She dared to love Chinese men in real life and on a Chinese soap opera, as she shared in her book, Foreign Babes in Beijing: Behind the Scenes of a New China. She also wrote Repeat After Me, a beautiful novel about a surprising relationship between a Chinese dissident and an American woman. I’m looking forward to her upcoming screenplay (and secretly hoping she might squeeze in a little Chinese men-Western women romance).

Kate Furnivall (photo by KatieA3)

Kate Furnivall

Kate Furnivall is happily married to fellow British author Norman, who goes by the pen name Neville Steed. But her mother spent her childhood in Russia, China and India, and those experiences inspired her to pen two beloved novels, The Russian Concubine and the sequel The Girl from Junchow, which feature a love story between Lydia Ivanova and Chang An Lo.

Anna Sophie Loewenberg (photo from http://news.ucsc.edu)

Anna Sophie Loewenberg

As Su Fei, her hilarious alter ego, Anna Sophie Loewenberg explored the idea of a Jewish-American woman dating Chinese men of all stripes in Sexy Beijing, inspired by her own actual relationships in the past with the Sons of Han. Sure, Sexy Beijing feels a little campy at times, but you have to admit she made the idea of loving Chinese men look cool and kind of sexy too. Just last month, Anna Sophie married her Venezuelan sweetheart, but this fabulous filmmaker will always have a seat at the yangxifu table.

Nicole Mones

Nicole Mones (photo by Owen Carey)

If Nicole Mones even has a Chinese husband, Google won’t say, and neither will she (her bios normally state that she lives in Portland, Oregon with her family). But her two novels, Lost in Translation and The Last Chinese Chef, offer some of the most sumptuous and even sexy portrayals of romance in China between Chinese men and Western women — not to mention that they’re written with such intelligence and depth. You also have to admire a woman who entered China in 1977 and ended up running a textile business there for 18 years, smashing the unspoken rule that only men can be “China hands.”

What other artists/authors/filmmakers do you think deserve a shout out for sharing stories about Chinese men and Western women in love?

No related posts, but you can still keep speaking of China ;-).

Yangxifu Pride: 5 Creative Women Who Should Be Honorary Yangxifu | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国

AMWW Magazine

Kissing Outside the Lines: A True Story of Love and Race and Happily Ever After

I mentioned this book last month in a list of memoirs by Western women who love other Asian men. But I really felt the book deserved a review of its own. Kissing Outside the Lines could become the go-to guide for any women who happen to date Asian men and live in a Western country like the US; her experiences with Korean-American Seung Yong Chung cover everything a couple might face:

• Confronting prejudice and racism
• Dealing with family and parents (on both sides)
• Learning more about his Asian culture
• Planning a cross-cultural/international wedding (they end up having two weddings — one in South Korea, one in the US)

I also think this book can inspire Asian men out there still looking for love — as I said in my review, “who says that Asian men can’t land babelicious former MTV hosts?” In fact, cvaguy, one of my longtime commenters, also gave this book a thumbs up in a comment. I agree with him — this is a smart book written by a very smart woman.

Here’s a snippet from my review:

When Diane Farr first spotted her future Korean American husband from the dance floor, she actually “took both index fingers and pulled on my eyelids, making the international sign for ‘Yes, Charlie Chan…I mean you,’” to signal him over.

This is the first of many cringe-worthy moments in my book review of “Kissing Outside the Lines” between her and a guy she first dubs “the Giant Korean.” (I’m not kidding.)

Who would expect that this same white woman would end up writing about her relationship with a Korean man in her memoir entitled “Kissing Outside the Lines” — one that explores the idea of interracial/interethnic/interfaith relationships as a whole?

Or, for that matter, that she would do it with an intelligence and sensitivity you wouldn’t imagine from a woman who once used a “slant-eye” reference in a pickup scenario.

Read the full review here. And check out Kissing Outside the Lines here.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Ask the Yangxifu: Review of Exposing the Myth Behind Why Asian Men Can’t Date White Women
2. Book Review: Electric Voices and Stinky Tofu by MandMX
3. What White Parents Think of Asian Boyfriends: Pub’d on AMWW

Review of “Kissing Outside the Lines” by Diane Farr in AMWW Mag | Speaking of China - One Western woman with a Chinese husband writes about love, family and relationships in China 洋媳妇看中国