“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.” –Pema Chodron

I often use the metaphor of the weather to teach a key principle of letting go I call spacious detachment. It tickled me to see it being used in the very same way by a world-renown Buddhist teacher.

Enjoy this beauty of a message:

How to taste the quality of the moment

by Pema Chodron

It could be the main koan of your life:

How to taste the quality of the moment, of the week, without the labels of good and bad, or succeeding and failing. But really just get used to tasting or knowing or experiencing the quality of what you are going through, not as some final thing.

I think Rilke said “no feeling is final”. Its a great line in one of his poems. No feeling is final, but somehow in the moment, we often feel, a sort of – this is how it is – in such a heavy way. And then so much story line goes with that that it drags us down.

So sometimes we like what we are feeling and then we don’t like what we’re feeling. And then we like it again, and then we don’t like it again. And then it just sort of goes like that – it’s actually fine for it to be like that.

Enlightened people, from what I have heard, the moods come and go, the energy shifts come and go. Its not like suddenly you are enlightened and then the rain never comes. It doesn’t mean you don’t wake up with a headache, or a heavy feeling in your heart.

But basically it never goes beyond that, its just the quality of awakened energy as it is manifesting right now. So it is a really profound deep shift of attitude towards our moods and thoughts and our emotions.

The path of liberation depends on not taking everything so personally.

I remember Trungpa Rinpoche saying to a group of students, one of which was complaining about their very very difficult work situation with a very difficult boss, and his answer began with the statement “well the trouble is, we all take everything so personally”. And I remember we all laughed and it seemed like a really funny comment. But I now see exactly what he meant.

Taking it personally means investing so much energy and time as if you are like this, and the situation is like this, and its fixed, instead of realizing that its always shifting and changing.

Sometimes the sun is brightly shining, and sometimes it hasn’t shone for the last three days. And you feel what you feel about that. But of course what we are really talking about is the emotional weather.

–From How to taste the quality of the moment by Pema Chodon

Excerpted from a talk entitled “Guidelines for Living Fearlessly”
Recorded in Gampo Abbey, July 2008
Great Path, Pema Chodron Books and Tapes

p.s. I’ve written a lot about “bumpy weather” and how to cultivate detachment in the face of it. Below is a list of some of my favorite posts on the subject. Click on the titles or enter each one in the Search box.

• Secret to Clearing Anything
• Awareness Changes Everything
• What, Do Nothing?
• Minding the Chatter Clears Clutter
• Press Pause, Step Back
• Do Nothing: Reflections on the Art of Non-Doing

Want to read more? Click on the drop-down menu under “Cultivating” in the header bar and go to “Spacious Detachment.”  Enjoy!

Photo Credit: Bing Images/Lightening Thunderstorm

Guess which window was the first to get cleaned today after an embarrassingly long period of time (read: years)…?

Imagine how much more of the world might be available to us with a little bit of loving up (and elbow grease). I’m thinking I should change my tagline to: “Clearing a path to your true nature–one window at a time”

P.S. I tried to upload the “after” photo of the same two windows in their current sparkly state and got the message “file size too large.”  Hmmm… I love the implication:

more light = higher resolution = more spacious

And this afterthought:

If eyes are windows to the soul, and home is where the heart is,  you could say that windows are the eyes that open to our heart.

Happy “spacious” Labor Day everyone!

September. It’s my favorite month of the year.

More than just it being one of the most beautiful and bountiful months in New England where I live, September has always been a time of shift and new beginnings…

An invitation to show up, regroup, renew, start over.

But you don’t need to wait until September or New Year’s to hit the refresh button in your life.  You can start over right this second.

This beautiful gift of a poem-prayer by Belleruth Naparstek might help you remember how:

Starting Over

Just give me this:

A rinsing out, a cleansing free of all my smaller strivings

So that I can be the class act that You intended,

True to my purpose,

All my energy aligned behind my deepest intention.

And just this:

A quieting down, a clearing away of internal ruckus,

So I can hear the huge stillness in my heart

And feel

How I pulse with all creation,

Part and parcel of Your Great Singing Ocean.

And this too:

A willingness to notice and forgive the myriad times I fall short,

Forgetting who I really am,

What I really belong to.

So I can start over,

Fresh and clean

Like sheets billowing in the summer sun

My heart pierced with gratitude.

–Belleruth Naparstek

Photo Credit: Bing Images/Shifting Winds of Change

I came across this poem recently tucked deep in a file on my computer I called “Remembering.” I know nothing about the author Jonathan Leavy,* or how this poem found me. It must have been one of those emails that went around the block a few times. Written on the morning of the famous 2004 presidential election, I saved it no doubt because of the timeless and hopeful beauty of its message.

(The original title “Regardless of Who Becomes President” could easily be adapted with something more current).

“The breeze will still move the clouds

and cause my windchime to sing.

The sun will still warm our planet

and give me hope for each new day.

The plants in my yard will still grow

yielding blossoms, lemons and strawberries.

The moon will still circle us all in cycles

reminding us of times to be full, mostly present, inspiring and hidden.

Animals will still touch my heart, both out in the wild,

on our neighborhood street and in our home.

Music will still make me dance and cry.

Voices will still make songs and sermons.

Bodies will still create, and recreate, and want to help other bodies.

Stories will still be told, over the phone, the internet and around fires.

Glaciers will still carve the earth.

Brooks will still babble.

The tides will ebb.

And I will still dream.”

– Jonathan Leavy,* November 3, 2004, 8 am

* If anyone has any information about this poet, please let me know and I’ll update this post with a proper credit. (I tried Googling him and came up empty).

Photo Credit: Google Images/Wind

“Once we change the very way we see, we may begin to experience the connections that tie us all together.” –Lynne McTaggart

What do Albert Einstein, Aldous Huxley, William James,Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt and Albert Schweitzer have in common?

Lynne McTaggart, author of The Field answers this question in a blog post entitled “Transcending the Self.” In it she writes…

Although all of us are capable of having a transcendent moment, it was Maslow’s view that certain people were more predisposed to experience them than others. Maslow came to believe this after studying the biographies and writings of historical figures who’d had such an experience – Albert Einstein, Aldous Huxley, William James, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt and Albert Schweitzer – for similarities of character. Maslow characterized all these notables as ‘self-actualized’, and noted that, as a whole, they

•  were problem-centered, viewing life’s difficulties clinically as a problem to be solved, not a personal issue inspiring anger or defeat
•   believed that the means — the journey of life — was often more important than the end result
•   enjoyed and were comfortable with solitude, but had deeper personal relations with a few close friends and family
•   liked to be independent of physical and social needs
•  were non-conformists without the need to be either well-adjusted or fit in a social situation
•  had a gentle sense of humor, able to joke at their own expense, or at the world
•  accepted both themselves and others as they were rather than changing them to what they should be; preferred to be themselves, too 
•  were motivated to improve their own worst qualities
•  were often quite conformist on the surface
•  felt a sense of humility and respect toward others
•  had a social conscience and compassion
•  had a strong sense of ethics and spirituality, but rarely a conventional religion
•  retained a sense of wonder

What all of these notables shared, in short, was a tendency to remain free of small and self-interested concerns and to recognize in every way that they were part of a greater whole. [Bold text for emphasis by sbv]

–Excerpted from “Transcending the Self” by Lynne McTaggart

If you could have a day or a weekend just for your self, what would you do?

After spending a weekend watching my two selves battling each other – i.e. delighted self vs. worried self [that I've lost my social mojo] – someone posted an affirming video link on Facebook called “How to be alone.” It’s a fabulous ode to making (and taking) time for your self.

The truth is I love spending time alone. And I need it, like a plant needs water and sun.

Last week I spent three days restoring two rooms that had been emptied for a much-needed paint job. The smallest of the two rooms housed our entire library of books (read: hundreds of dusty tomes, some of which that have not seen the light of day in 16 years).

So I got to do my favorite thing:  play my stereo really loud and redecorate, which, for me means thinking about each item (do I love it? will I use it again?) and placing things… changing my mind… and placing them anew. I needed every second of all three days to complete the task in a way that was fun, and honored my measured and organic process.

I hope that you have the luxury to spend time alone doing something you love – and loving it without hesitation.  If you need a little inspiration to get started, this wonderful video might help.

P.S. A few days after I posted this, I received an email from Simon Owen who had recently gotten the chance to interview the creative duo behind this video. Learn more about Andrea Dorfman, Tanya Davis, and how this video came to be.

“It’s the desire—not its fulfillment—that nourishes you, because it’s the language of your heart. When you listen to that language, you hear your self.”–Geneen Roth

If you saw my little One-Minute Clearing video clip, you might recall my saying this:

“Here’s the thing about clearing: It is really not about the “doing” at all. It is not about the issue or the outcome. It is how you experience the exercise; how you process it; how you feel it. It is allowing yourself to fully experience the [clearing] activity through your senses – noticing your resistance… or the energy moving through… or whatever comes up… That is the magic of clearing; it is allowing all of [your sensations to arise]  without fixing them or managing them, or judging them as good or bad.”

I came across a wonderful article by Geneen Roth on Oprah.com recently. If you change the language from “clearing” to “eating,” I could swear she is saying the same thing:

“It’s not the cupcakes, it’s not the potato chips, it’s not the chocolate cake. If you give yourself permission to want without judging or dismissing your desires as crazy, you too have the power to return yourself to what you want most: the center of your own stunning, tender, radiant heart.” Read more.

– Excerpted from “The Cupcake Dialogues,“ Oprah.com

Bottom line: It’s not about the food – or the clutter – but how you relate to it. Connect with the desire. Make friends with the struggle. Give yourself permission. Allow the feelings… And you may discover a sweetness – like none you’ve ever tasted.

Photo: Bing Images/Cupcakes

Beautiful video. Gorgeous images. Timeless wisdom.

Use the flaws  (i.e. misspellings) as another opportunity to observe attachment and… let it go!

Passion. Not perfection.

I received this note from a friend on Facebook the other day:

“What do you charge to come out and HELP!!!??? I don’t even have time to read your book (which I DID buy) or the blog. And to that the 30 boxes I moved in of my dad’s crap and I am drowing in it!!!!”

My reply:

Oh honey, I hear ya!!

I don’t actually do “clutter clearing consults” – that is why I wrote the book.  My specialty is space clearing.

I know the book feels like too much to handle right now when what you want most is immediate relief. But I strongly encourage you to give the book a try. It is designed to help, especially the most desperate situations!

Since I see clutter as a much bigger life issue, my book will support you in ways you never imagined. As you begin to clear the clutter on the “inside,” the clutter on the “outside” [like the boxes of “dad’s crap”] begin to fall away – effortlessly – almost like magic.

If that is still too much to handle, just start by reading Chapters 4 and 7. They will help you move some stuck energy – enough so that you don’t feel like your circuits are fried.

As a last resort, I recommend you Google clutter clearing professionals in your area and go with one that you resonate with…. Then go back to doing the practices in the book!

Good luck!!

p.s. Be sure to read my blog post from August 6th. It is a book review I received recently from a very inspired reader who writes: “I promise reading this will change your life!”

Love,

Stephanie

Three days later I received this update:

“I cannot find your book, found lots of other crap, but not the book. SO, I am ordering another copy today. But, I did three loads of laundry last night. I know that sounds routine but not for me. ONE STEP AT A TIME!”

To which I replied:

Not routine at all. That’s exactly how the process works!!! One thing leads to another and another…

The more you clean, clear, move, fix, finish – something, anything – the more energy is released.

Add compassion and gentle self-care to the process, and you’ve just taken clearing to a whole new level.

WAY TO GO, GIRL!

I love pleasant surprises.  I got a really nice one the other day in the form of an unsolicited review for my book.

This one is by someone named Austin S. on Goodreads. I don’t know who Austin is, but I’m grateful for the time he took to write about my book, and what it has meant to him.

Here’s what he wrote:

Jul 29, 2010

Austin S. rated it: 5 of 5 stars

bookshelves: kindle-books, must-reads, therapy-ish-self-help

“[Your Spacious Self] is decluttering book that actual got me over the hump and I’ve been able to both implement *sustainable* practices and get more decluttering done in the last three weeks than I have in the last three years. This isn’t “binge cleaning” reminiscent of diets (which all know by now do not work), but a soulful look at clearing space physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

I’ve even expanded the decluttering to social/professional realms and am anticipating mind-blowing effects. Many of the principles are not unique (e.g., only keep things you love or need and have a home); others are so simple (e.g., putting one thing away for a week) yet completely transformative. Making space is presented as a lifelong marathon and you are given useable tools to make space for your self and your soul for the long haul, not just for this weekend. I promise reading this will change your life. However, it may lead to letting go of things, people, and/or situations that you didn’t even know didn’t serve you.

“I promise reading this will change your life.”

Thank you, Austin!  This means a lot.

If you’ve read Your Spacious Self and found that it has supported you, please share it in the comment box. I LOVE hearing from readers and learning how this book is making a difference in your life.

Sometimes you need a friend or family member to keep us on task. I got this email from my friend, Deb, sharing what happened after a little organizing support from her (non-attached) daughter:

“I thought of you again recently when my dear daughter Julia helped me to tackle my kitchen desk area which had turned into a dumping ground for some time.

She had a great approach to tackling it – I am detail oriented and get so distracted with each little thing –  ie here is an old newspaper and I am going to read it right now – she kept me on task and we got everything categorized in simple terms and stowed away.

It was like a log jam broke and my energy started flowing in new ways – I started to attack all sorts of projects and phone calls I kept putting off continuously – It seriously was as if a large weight had been removed from me. Unreal – I knew you of all people would appreciate this story, xo d”

Is there someone you can call upon to help you stay focused and on task for a few hours? Someone who isn’t attached to all the newspaper articles and catalogues that you plan to read “some day.”

It may be just want you need to break the log jam.

Another good question came the other day:

I am following your practice of clearing one item each day. My question for you is what about the stuff that comes into your home- like mail? I can never seem to get through it and it piles up – then if I clear only one thing, a back-log is created. How do you handle the stuff coming in??

My reply

Thanks for your message on my blog! The answer to your query – and the secret to *clearing anything* – is to FEEL.

Feel… the anxiety, the resistance, the despair, the pain, the stuckness, the insane piles, the rage at advertisers for sending you stuff you never asked for, the cringe of opening up a bill from the credit card company  ….

Pssst… guess what?  It’s not about the piles, the backlog, the advertisers, or the “handling of the stuff from coming in.”

The secret to clearing works like magic really, and it follows this principle based on the law of attraction: “As within so without.” The more stuff we despair over – the more we attract it.

As you begin to soften your attachments, the clutter – no matter where it comes from and shows up in your life – will begin to lessen all on its own. You’ll get less junk mail. Less letters to have to sort through. Less magazines to recycle.

Plus you’ll have more energy to clear it on the spot – as it comes in the door. I daresay you may even feel like you can handle more than just “one” thing, pile, or area.

Don’t take my word for it. Try it for at least six months. These two posts I wrote on the subject may help:

• “Secret to Clearing Anything”
• “Managing Paper, Piles… Overwhelm”

Bottom line

The trick is to stay with the program – no matter how small and inconsequential it feels and what your skeptical mind has to say about it. The mind doesn’t have a clue how to “do” simple.

If you have any clearing questions you’d like to ask me, click “Ask Stephanie” in the header bar above. I look forward to hearing from you!