How far would you go to heal a loved one?

The Horse Boy is a story of a family that traveled half way across the world to understand their son; to heal him. Journalist Rupert Isaacson and his wife, Kristin, a professor of psychology set on a journey to Mongolia, a place where horses are everywhere because of the nomadic life, to find a cure for their 5 year old son diagnosed with Autism. For almost 2 1/2 years, they were clueless as to why their son threw demonic tantrums, wailed for hours and didn’t speak like normal children.  So even though shocked at the diagnosis, at least they had an answer now but there was no cure. The child was to go for regular speech therapies that don’t guarantee immediate results.

The turning point in their life was brought by Betsy, a Texan quarter horse, cantankerous old bay mare that would show even a good rider his place when she was in no mood. There was an instant connection between the two. With Rowan, Betsy was calm and Rowan didn’t throw any tantrums on Betsy’s back. Rowan then began to speak coherently and even told the horse he loved it. That was the first time he had expressed love for anything or anyone. For an autistic child, it takes years of therapy to express self or show emotions but here a horse taught the child to express, and like an angel opened the door to Rowan’s inner world.

This incident gave hope to Rowan’s parents. After some research, they decided to travel to the mountains of Mongolia, to find the shamans who live there, and pursue a course of mystic healing.

The book was welcomed by almost all pediatric neurologists, psychologists and National Institute of Mental Health. Doctors who work with autistic patients believe that such stories provide inspiration to families. There was also criticism from some quarters that such cases of recovery actually give false hope to parents and are not tested by science. To that Isaacson clears that not every parent needs to travel to Mongolia to heal their child. It was their story. It could be something else for another family. They chose to tell their story to inspire parents who are dealing with similar problems. It is about their determination and endurance.

My take: The book is not just for parents of autistic children or psychologists. It is a must read for all parents who are quick to compare their children, who are ever so curious to see their newborn crawl, walk, speak and achieve all milestones before time and often are disappointed when the baby falls short of their expectations. Many times such illness causes rift between adults and it becomes a blame game for parents but here it tells us to not lose hope and be there for each other in trying times. It also tells us how nature and animals have a connection with humans and that the world is for all of us to co-exist.

The book will leave us misty-eyed and inspire us to appreciate our children and family; how togetherness has the strength to heal big problems. It will also make an interesting read for anyone who likes real-life adventurous travel.

It is time for us to open eyes to ancient Eastern methods of healing and recovery and not to shun them altogether. Shamanism comprises of a range of traditional beliefs and practices concerned with communication with the spirit world. The shamans saw Rowan’s condition less as a malady. An extensive study of Shamanism would come under cognitive neuroscience.

The Documentary: ‘The Horse Boy’ is also an award winning 94 mins documentary of this inspiring journey.

In the documentary, his mother asks, “Who is to say that we are normal and he is sick?” A similar question was asked by the maker of 15 Park Avenue that I reviewed here. Who’s to say which state of mind is more real?

Rowan is seven now. He is educated at New Trails, a special centre set up by his parents near Austin, Texas, with the money from their publishing advance. His father says, [link] “We went away to Mongolia with a kid who was subject to neurological fits, who was incontinent and completely cut off from his peers. He is still autistic, but he’s no longer suffering from these major dysfunctions which were impairing his quality of life – and ours.”

To make ‘No Gender Inequality’ (NGI) blog more interactive, we have decided to move NGI from blogspot [link]to wordpress. The new address is http://nogenderinequality.wordpress.com/ .

As always we look forward to your views, perspectives and notions. Please continue to support the cause like you always have, subscribe to new feed or bookmark it and use comment space to let us know your views on the new blog.

Don’t forget to change the link of NGI logo on your blog.

Thank you all!

-NGI team

I was browsing through ivillage and burst out laughing when I stumbled on this piece titled ‘things my mother taught me‘. There are many similar moments between Peanut and her absentminded mom that I am sure she would amusingly pen down some day.

Things my mother taught me

~by Peanut

My mother taught me SHARING: If you give me half of it, you can have M n Ms now.

My mother taught me BIRTH CONTROL: If we have a baby sister or brother then she/he will take all your toys, books and bed.

My mother taught me PATIENCE: Play with your bath toys some more. Let Mamma finish this blog post.

My mother taught me SELF-RELIANCE: If that German Shepherd Dog comes closer, I will run away.

My mother taught me IRONY: If you don’t stop crying, I will make you cry.

My mother taught me OPTIMISM: Hang by that monkey bar some more time and you will grow really tall.

My mother taught me PRIDE: You are lucky to have your Dad and me in your life. We are the best parents.

My mother taught me MIRACLE: Don’t climb on that table. If you fall from that and break your legs, don’t come running to me.

My mother taught me CLEANLINESS: If I see cookie crumbs on the bed, I will make you eat it.

My mother taught me CHEMISTRY and BIOLOGY: If you bite nails, it will react in your tummy to produce a huge nail that will grow out of your tummy.

My mother taught me FASHION: It’s okay if this pants is shorter, you can call it capris now.

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Some more fall colors…

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Reach out to a friend or relative who might need your help. Let them know that they are not alone and that they have the option to say NO.

“The motive behind domestic violence is power. If not by physical strength then by emotional overpowering.”

Do read the entire article on ‘No Gender Inequality’ (NGI) and spread awareness. Be the voice.

1. The colors – Red, Orange, Yellow, Brown. This mix of colors in the wardrobe and good scarves to go with it. Turtlenecks and cashmere sweaters. The best style statements are made in Autumn.

2. Coffee and rum cake – When we were in school, my parents switched to Nescafe at the start of Autumn and it continued till the beginning of Spring. We were and still are tea drinkers but just those few months our evenings had a whiff of Nescafe. I remember those family evenings in Jammu sipping Coffee with homemade Rum cakes.

3. Fallen rusty leaves- Our backyard already has a bed of yellow leaves. Running over it along with Peanut and rejoicing on hearing the crushed sound becomes part of playtime. Reliving childhood with her gives immense joy.

4. Candles smelling of cinnamon and bayberry always adorn my kitchen table in the evening. Candles also make perfect gift during this season.

5. Thanksgiving dinner at friends- Roasted Turkey, cranberry sauce and mashed potato is a combo I love.

6. Fall foliage- Going for drives to see fall foliage, clicking pictures and just walking casually while Peanut runs around picking pine corns.

7. Cool breeze- It reminds me of crisp breeze in the courtyard when my parents sat outside and chatted after dinner. Brother and I joined them after our homework.

8. It is the time for pumpkin patching, corn mazing and apple picking as a family. The carved pumpkin displays in front of some houses are a marvel.

9. Influx of shorebirds along the coast and ground birds are a hiker’s delight. It is time for some rare birdwatching.

10. Sipping Red Wine, cozying up with The Other Half under a throw; catching a good movie or a good book. Weather is perfect to relax.

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As I write this, there is another good reason to rejoice. DesiPundit published new list of bloggers to be part of their team and I found my blog in the list (in alphabetical order). It came as a pleasant surprise as I had no clue about it. I am honored to be a DesiPundit community member.

I was interviewed by BlogAdda. Click the link below to read it.

My interview on BlogAdda

Thank you dear friends for reading me and blogadda team for this honor. Special thanks to two dear friends Crafty and Hitchy.

________________________________________________________________

On this auspicious festival of lights,

Wish you all a very happy, illuminating and eco-friendly Diwali!

Homemade Rasgullas for everyone

Song on my mind: O re manva tu to bavra hai…… After ‘aaoge jab tum o saajana’ and ‘ajj din chadeya’, this is my current favorite.

[Oct 15 is Blog Action Day – an annual event that unites the world's bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day on their own blogs with the aim of sparking discussion around an issue of global importance. This year's topic is Climate change.]

On every visit to India, visiting my father’s family temple in Kerala always tops my list. The reason is more spiritual than religious. The family temple is near a beach and it is a place where you are automatically in meditation listening to temple bells and the sound of the sea. My father tells me how sea almost touches the places where they used to play during his childhood days. The sea continues to distend, imperceptible to our naked eyes till it has really swallowed a huge land. There is a high possibility that in future this temple too would be submerged in water and be part of the disappearing world.

In 2006 the disappearance of Lohachara Island was reported by Indian researchers but strangely no specific study was ever done to prove that the island was permanently inundated. It was reported [link]that rising seas, caused by global warming, have for the first time washed an inhabited island off the face of the Earth. Recently there was news that Lohachara Island is rising from the waters again. It doesn’t mean that the sea is retreating. There are different geomorphic reasons to reemergence of the island. The mystery of disappearing and reemerging Lohachara island are a topic of research for scientists but it is clear that the reason for land near the delta doing such vanishing act are rise in sea-level, coastal erosion, cyclones etc. all as a result of global warming. Smithsonian magazine has a list of ancient cities lost to the seas that features Mahabalipuram, India. Disappearance of many ancient Indian cities like Valabhi and Muziris are intriguing.

In the past most changes were due to natural causes like Volcanic eruptions, continental drift, ocean currents and earth’s tilt but now human influence is a major cause of this change.Today when we talk about climate change it is about the changes caused in the environment because of human activity and that includes mainly greenhouse emissions. According to researchers, Methane concentration in the atmosphere has increased approximately 150% in recent times due to industrial pollution. Other major contributers are carbon dioxide from air pollution and nitrous oxide from fertilizers. All these greenhouse gases concentrated in the atmosphere beyond natural level cause global warming.

Looming climate change could turn today’s favorite destinations into tomorrow’s nightmare. According to Worldwatch, Sea levels have already been rising by 11 inches per century and are likely to rise another 22 inches by 2100.

Most endangered travel destinations (see before they sink or singe) [link]

• Everglades National Park, Florida (Threat: urban development)
• Galapagos Islands (Threat: over-tourism)
• Chan Chan Archaeological Zone in Peru (Threat: Global warming)
• Kathmandu Valley, Nepal (Threat: Urbanization, pollution)
• Mount Kilimanjaro’s ice fields, Tanzania (Threat: Global warming)
• Glacier National Park, Montana (Threat: Global warming)
• The Tajmahal, India (Threat: over-tourism, Pollution)
• Luxor, Egypt (Threat: Rising water levels caused by urbanization)
• Great Barrier Reef, Australia (Threat: Global Warming, coral bleaching)
• The Michoacan Mountains, Mexico (Threat: Deforestation)

The list doesn’t end here because we are alarmingly changing the environment.

“When the last tree is cut, the last river poisoned, and the last fish dead, we will discover that we can’t eat money…” –Greenpeace

Courtesy: iea.org

Kyoto protocol got a blow when US pulled out of it because then President George W. Bush thought that implementing it would impact US economy. The discontent is between developing countries on one side and China and India on the other. China and India have ratified the protocol but the countries just have to report the emission levels whereas developed countries have a target to reach. US has objection here because it thinks in future China and India with growing economy and huge population is a major contributor and thus needs to decide on reduction of emission level. India is going to more or less adopt the same policy in coming climate change conference in Copenhagen. India’s Minister of State for Environment and Forests Jairam Ramesh talks about India’s stance on Copenhagen summit.

Common man does not care about politics of developing and developed nations. We want to see results. We want to breathe unpolluted air, drink safe water and preserve land for future generations. United Nations Climate Change conference is in Copenhagen from Dec 7-Dec 18. Take action: Sign the petition and demand the world leaders to personally attend the climate summit.

Some blogs that participated in BAD 09 -Climate change

• A drop in the ocean
• A Wide angle view of India
• Lights and Shadow
• Logical Obscurity
• Maradhi Manni
• Mindspace
• Monika’s World
• Oorja
• Randomness
• The life and times of an Indian homemaker
• The song of life
• Tunneling thru’
• Visceral Observations

President Obama wins 2009 Nobel peace prize. The conferral of one of the world’s top accolades on a President less than nine months in office was greeted with gasps of astonishment this morning in our small town. I don’t know if it has to do with the almost 100% Republican community here but even from my neutral point of view I still can’t comprehend the reasons behind this honor to the President.

Obama was honored “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between people,” the head of the Norwegian Nobel Committee Thorbjoern Jagland said. [link]

“I do not view it as a recognition of my own accomplishments, but rather as an affirmation of American leadership,” President Obama said from the White House Rose Garden. ”I will accept this award as a call to action.”

Obama is the third sitting US President to have won the prize after President Roosevelt and Wilson. Former President Jimmy Carter won in 2002 and former Vice President Al Gore received the prize in 2007.

In 1906, President Roosevelt won the prize for brokering a peace between Russia and Japan – two countries that turned against US in future. In 1919, President Wilson won it for his post-WWI peace efforts. This didn’t prevent WWII. So the question is how can a President be merely awarded for initiative? Shouldn’t final result matter? For a layman it seems he was awarded simply because he is not George W. Bush.

Another question that always lingers in my mind when I hear of the Nobel peace prize is why did Mahatma Gandhi never receive one? I am not bringing Mahatma Gandhi in here because I am an Indian by birth but simply because I don’t know any person who deserves a peace prize more than Gandhi.

Mahatma Gandhi was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five times between 1937 and 1948 but never received the prize, being assassinated on 30 January 1948 two days before the closing date for the 1948 Peace Prize nominations. The Norwegian Nobel Committee had very likely planned to give him the Peace Prize in 1948 as they considered a posthumous award, but ultimately decided against it, and instead chose not to award the prize that year. It was stated then that “there was no suitable living candidate” but in 1961, it was awarded posthumously to Swedish diplomat and the second Secretary-General of the United Nations Dag Hammarskjöld who died after being nominated. Years later, Nobel committee regretted their decision on Gandhi and when Dalai Lama was awarded the Peace Prize in 1989, the chairman of the committee said that this was ‘in part a tribute to the memory of Mahatma Gandhi’.

Going back to the burning question now, Does Obama deserve the Nobel Peace Prize so soon?

On a lighter note, President sure deserves a Nobel Prize in Chemistry for his magnetic chemistry with his wife Michelle. [picture link]

(Cross-posted at  )

[This post is written in jest. Any resemblance to any blogger, is purely intentional.]

1. Go to all popular blogs and leave a comment. Don’t lose hope, at least one will respond. Keep trying it for few more posts.

2. Target the bloggers on WordPress. Blogroll them and keep clicking on their links. WP users can see incoming links so they will surely click on it.

3. Grab e-mail ids of some popular bloggers, mail them complimenting their posts or ask a doubt. There is a chance that they might address that issue on their blog linking to you. Make sure you have your blog address attached to your e-mails.

4. Send a mass e-mail to everyone in your, your spouse’s/girl friend or boy friend’s contact list wishing them on a festival. Of course you must have your blog link as signature.

5. Google hot search terms and use all that in your post as tags. Eg: Katrina, Angelina Jolie, Solilo.

6. Start any random tag and then tag at least 10-15 other bloggers. At least some of them will attempt it and link back.

7. Pick a fight with a popular blogger; post a controversial topic and link back.

8. Harass Blogadda team to pick your post as Tangy Tuesday or Spicy Saturday. Tweet as much as you can.

9. Get on every social networking site and advertise your blog link.

10. Write a useless post like this and humor everyone including self. After all, Laughter is the best medicine.

‘Did you laugh today? Did you make someone else laugh today?’

Many years ago when we visited Kerala every Summer vacations, I used to notice this scrawny dark woman with a hunched back sweeping in the yard or doing small chores. She would never cross a boundary to enter our house even when other workers did so. She would talk to herself most of the time and sometimes became ridicule of others for jabbering. There were times when she purposely asked me few things to listen to my broken Malayalam and laughed showing her few brown teeth. The character amused me. Her name was Pangi.

I always wondered why she wouldn’t cross a boundary beyond the yard of my great-grandmother’s (My mom’s grandmother) naalukettu when other workers did so. My great-grandmother then told me that this lady belonged to the lowest caste and in that too classified under professional mourners. Even though caste system was long abolished and with advent of communism in the state, people were free to go anywhere they pleased but people who belonged to old school of thought still believed in it and practiced and that also included older people of lower caste. For Pangi, she could never imagine there would be a day when she would be allowed to enter temples, nalukketu and houses of upper castes. So she followed the rules even when no one asked her to. She would still wear an old cotton white saree without a blouse (she covered that part of the body with her saree) ; another taboo prevalent in olden times when lower caste women were not allowed to wear blouse or cover upper part of the body. Such ubiquitous casteism prompted Swami Vivekananda to nickname Kerala as the mad house of India.

Younger generation of women from Pangi’s family wore blouse and casteism wasn’t rampant anymore but she would still follow most of those taboos. At this old age she didn’t know any better and perhaps she was senile to understand the changes in the society.

It was the first time I heard about someone who would cry at others’ funeral. My great-grandmother told me that in olden times the splendor of a person was known from the number of people who wailed and cried at the funeral. Women of aristocratic family were not allowed to wail or thump their chest. Since members of the family were mourning in silence, a group of professional mourners performed that duty. They wailed for hours and thumped their chest. They belonged to the sub sect of lowest caste called pulayar. With time, this practice stopped.

Further research on this custom, led me to many links where it is mentioned that professional mourning was part of almost all the cultures and civilizations and it is still practiced in some places in Brazil and Greece. In Brazil, professional mourning women are called carpideiras. They wear black clothes and are called to wail at the funeral in return of food or money. An important part of Greek tradition is epicedium where mournful songs are sung loudly by professional mourners and now since professional mourning is extinct, the tradition is continued by family of the deceased. Wiki says from about 1600 to 1920, The professional mourner, generally a woman, would shriek and wail (often while clawing her face and tearing at her clothing), to encourage others to weep. These people are mentioned in ancient Greek plays, and were employed throughout Europe, but the practice largely died out in the nineteenth century. They continue to exist in Africa and the Middle East. The 2003 award-winning Philippine comedy Crying Ladies revolves around the lives of three women who are part-time professional mourners for the Chinese-Filipino community in Manila’s Chinatown. According to the film, the Chinese use professional mourners to help expedite the entry of a deceased loved one’s soul into heaven by giving the impression that he or she was a good and loving person, well-loved by many. [Refer : Encyclopedia of death and dying]

Back home, this custom was prevalent in certain areas of Rajasthan where women of lower caste were hired as professional mourners upon the death of upper-caste males. These women were referred to as a ‘rudaali‘ (roo-daa-lee), literally translated as ‘female weeper’. Their job was to publicly express grief of family members who are not permitted to display emotion due to social status. Same custom was depicted in a Hindi movie based on the short story by Mahasweta Devi. Since this was a custom prevalent in almost all civilizations in ancient times, there are chances that it still exists in some cultures.

Pangi was perhaps last of professional mourners that existed in Kerala for no one even knew much about it by then or cared as the custom was extinct. I remember years later when my uncle (Mom’s older sister’s husband) died, Pangi perhaps in her late 80s then stood at a distance and wailed. Many people found it offensive and asked her to leave immediately.

Poor Pangi.. she was only doing what she was taught as a child. She didn’t have any place to rest or anyone to call her own. She worked for measly wages and slept on the sidewalks. After few more years, Pangi was hit by a car and found dead near some bushes. There was no one to shed even a single drop of tear for someone who cried for others.

Weekend humor…

(Cross-posted at )

Vidyaarambham (Vidya : knowledge, aarambham : beginning) is a tradition followed by Keralites to introduce children into the world of letters. Towards the final days of Navratri, the 8 th day or ashtami is spent worshipping the goddess of knowledge and celebrated as Saraswati puja in Kerala. The day is also observed as Ayudha puja (ayudha : tools). On the evening of Durgashtami, many people offer their books to temples or keep books at home in front of Saraswati. It is called puja veypp (kept for puja). The next day is Mahanavmi and the 10 th day is observed as Vijayadashmi when early morning, books and tools are taken after puja. This ceremony is called puja edupp (taken after puja). After this, everyone writes on a tray of rice grains or sand as it is considered auspicious. The writing on rice grains symbolizes acquisition of knowledge that leads to prosperity.

Vijayadashmi is considered auspicious for knowledge initiation. The ceremony either takes place in temples or at home. Mostly the initiation is done by the oldest in the family or by parents of the child. Some people even prefer it by their gurus. On a tray of rice, the oldest in the family/ father or mother/teacher takes the child’s right index finger and writes the mantra ‘Om hari sree ganapataye namah’ (ഓം ഹരി ശ്രീ ഗണപതയേ നമഃ). This ceremony is done when the child is 2 or 3 years old and only after this a child starts to read and write.

This is nostalgia for me because 10 days of puja holidays were most sought after while growing up. We had many Bengali friends so visiting puja pandals with them then our Saraswati puja and after that Vijayadashmi/Dussehra celebrations. This is the time when everyone in India is rejoicing. For us these rituals didn’t matter, what mattered were togetherness and the fun we had during those times. My brother and I eagerly waited for puja holidays mainly for those two days when we could keep our books and not study at all.

It is difficult to follow the tradition here but auspiciously this year Saraswati puja falls on a weekend (26 Sep) and Vijayadashmi on 28. So I am planning to do the same for Peanut this year. The other half and all his cousins got initiation from their grandfather. My brother and I got it from our father. I can vaguely remember the day my brother got his knowledge initiation. When Peanut was 1.5 years old, the other half and I intiated her vidyarambham here; on a plate of rice we made her write the mantra and then let her play with the rice. She still remembers it and looks forward to the day when she can write on a tray of rice again.

Thunchathu Ramanujan Ezhuthachan is considered the father of Malayalam language. So on this auspicious day, many people arrive at Tunchan paramb, birthplace of Ezhuthachan, to take sand and use in the initiation of their children to the letters. Every year, hundreds of people bring their children to this place to write their first letters on the sand during the Vijayadasami festival. [Refer]

Nowadays the tradition of knowledge initiation is followed by people of many faiths.  According to this article since year 2003, the St. George’s Orthodox Syrian Cathedral at Palayam, Trivandrum too started following the tradition then followed by many Churches. The children in the Church write ‘Sree Yeshu Mishihaye Namaha’.

With time our traditions see vast transformation but tie that connects us never slackens.

Translation: O Saraswati! who grants all our desires, as I begin my studies, I bow to you to help me in making it rewarding and make me successful in all my efforts.

Couple of us bloggers are featured in Deccan Herald under Cyber world’s mummy diaries ( http://www.deccanherald.com/content/25959/cyber-worlds-mummy-diaries.html )

Some excerpts from the article:

Mummyjaan, and the hordes of mothers and mothers-to-be, who have joined her in the virtual world, have formed a cult-like group that connects women as far away as Australia and Alaska.

They exchange notes on potty training and Montessori activities, and celebrate milestones like their babies’ first steps and teeth. They even rant and whine about the inevitable tensions of parenting, or moral and cultural dilemmas. It is perhaps the birth of a global nursery, patronised by parents who’ve mostly never met each other.

Subha, a 31-year-old stay-at-home mother (SAHM) of two, blogs out of her home in Switzerland. She calls herself ‘Boo’ on her blog (boosbabytalk.blogspot.com) and started it when her older daughter turned five months.

“I wanted to chronicle my journey into motherhood and create memories of those precious baby moments that might fade with time,” recalls the software engineer, who quit her job to “globe trot” with her husband.

Sometimes, though, like in the case of Reena, a management analyst-turned-SAHM in Oregon, USA, a blog starts off as a writing pad — probably that’s why hers is titled, Soliloquies of an Opinionated Mind.

“I had nothing specific in mind and I write about anything under the sun. My daughter is a part of me so it is only natural that she features a lot on my blog,” says Reena (‘Solilo’ to her readers).

However, she maintains that the blog is “not a personal diary of my daughter’s development though it captures some light, some emotional and some totally random moments of her life.”

Real world pals

Many, like Aditi Shukla Fozdar (or ‘Nino’s Mum’ to readers), say blogging is as much for herself as for her four-year-old son. “I’ve met some incredibly amazing women and parents through my blog, and it saves me a lot of therapy money,” says the Ahmedabad-based journalist, who writes at theninoeffect.blogspot.com.

Others share similar experiences. “I have found some fabulous people online. With some, you connect through their writing and just click with them like you would in real life,” says Reena, who has made a lifelong friend in a blogger who writes passionately about India under the pseudonym Indyeah.

To read the entire article please click the link provided above.

Couple of days back a lady smiled at me, shook hands and introduced herself as Y’s mom. I smiled and reciprocated the gesture and while we were seated next to each other making small talks I was frenetically trying to figure out who this lady was? I know her. I have seen her but I can’t place her. It was first day of this year’s ballet class so I thought she could be a mom from last year’s class. Even before clearing my confusion, I pointed to a group picture on the wall of Peanut’s ballet class recital and asked, “Isn’t that Y? She is so cute!” The lady looked at the picture then me, thought for a moment and then probably to save me from embarrassment in front of other parents, whispered, “I am Y’s mom. Y from Peanut’s school?” That’s when I realized that I have met her many times at parent-teacher league meetings, exchanged phone numbers and even took Peanut to Y’s birthday couple of months back where I chatted with her for long hours. 

This is one of many such incidents. I have always been nicknamed as absentminded Professor by my friends but this lapse in memory is something which I started experiencing after child birth. In my case it is not serious but it does cause embarrassment at times. This face blindness! In most cases like the one I experienced, it is just bad memory or absentmindedness. Many times people with similar features like someone from the same region or country with identical features create confusion in our mind. Once a Japanese friend told me that she can never distinguish one Indian from another. I laughed and told her that Indians are the most diverse lot.

Even though I used the term face blindness very casually here, it is a severe disorder. Have you ever wondered what it would be to look at your dear ones and not recognize them?

Face blindness or more technical term would be Prosopagnosia (pro.so.pag.no.sia: prosopon, Greek for ‘face,’ and agnosia is the scientific word for ‘recognition impairment’) is a disorder of face perception where the ability to recognize faces is impaired, while the ability to recognize other objects may be relatively intact. While all of us at some time fail to recognize faces, Prosopagnosics often have difficulty recognizing people that they have encountered many times including their own face. While there might be various reasons for someone becoming a prosopagnosic, the main cause is damage to temporal lobe of the brain which helps us recognize features of the face. 

This is one such case where a lady cannot recognize the faces of her children, her husband or even herself, after a virus attack causing inflammation in her brain and permanently harming the temporal lobe. There is another case where a man recognized his own face after 47 years. For most of his childhood, Choisser thought he was normal. He just assumed that nobody saw faces. But slowly, it dawned on him that he was different. Other people recognized their mothers on the street. He did not. There are similar cases discussed here.  Prosopagnosics often rely on hairstyles, clothing, and objects like cars, shoes etc. They pay close attention to gestures and body posture. Facial hair helps the brain to not recognize the object as a face so it becomes easier to recognize people.

You can take Vision, Memory and face recognition test here.

Human brain is a mystery. As time passes by we forget a lot of things. Those lost memories are still in our brain somewhere and till something happens that jogs our memory we fail to recollect it. Towards the end of our life, all we are left with is memories, good or bad. What if then we are not able to put a face to people who are associated with those memories?

Peanut: Ms. X! we are Hindus but mom said it is okay to go to chapel.

Ms. X (teacher): That is okay, Peanut. You can become Christian when you grow up.

Peanut: No. I don’t ever want to be a Christian. I will be a Hindu like my parents even when I am big. 

Prelude: Peanut goes to a Christian private school where they have Friday chapel time. There are only two Indian Hindu kids in the entire school (One is our friend’s daughter who joined pre-school this year). Two of our American friends told us that we can ask for exempting Peanut from Friday chapel but we decided against it. The reason is that if we chose to send her to a particular school then it is also important to abide by the rules of the school. Also, we don’t want to create a wrong impression about religion in Peanut’s mind at this age. She needs to respect all religions. Even in India, kids who go to Central schools sing Hindu Morning Prayer and those who go to Catholic schools get Christian teaching. 

Peanut knows that we are Hindus and that we go to temples. We have a small mandir at home. This happened last year when she was in Pre-K (age 4). She had asked me if it was okay to go to chapel as we are Hindus. I told her that we must respect all religions and that it was okay to attend chapel with other kids. So after couple of days she went to school and had this conversation with the teacher. I got to know about this from her and the room parent.

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Me: Peanut, can you make me some tea.

Peanut: Mamma! I am small. I will get burned.

Me: (jokingly) May be when you grow big you can cook for me.

Peanut: But when I grow big I will be a Doctor or Maths teacher. How can I cook, Mamma? 

Me: Why? Don’t Doctors and Maths teachers cook and eat?

Peanut: (Thinking….) Father will cook.

Me: Father? You mean Dadda? *surprised* Why would Dadda cook for you?

Peanut: Not Dadda. Like you *blushing* I will have a father when I am big. He will cook because I will be at hospital with patients. 

What she meant was that her husband will cook since she will work outside. Here father=husband.  

Prelude: This stemmed from a talk I had with her some time back when I told her that everyone should help around in the house. It makes work easy and also it means more family time. I also told her that people can divide their work; while one does outside work, other can finish the inside work. So she assumed that since she is going to be busy working outside as a Doctor, her husband should do the housework.

All zodiac journals and books say that Capricorn women are levelheaded and no-nonsense types. We are witty, reserved, intellectual and ambitious but that is no reason to portray us as someone who never visited a waxing or threading salon. We can narrate the pain we go through to clear that unibrow.

This is ‘What is your Rashee’s’ poster:

Apparently Priyanka Chopra’s looks are styled and designed according to the traits of each zodiac sign. In the poster every woman representing a zodiac sign looks presentable and only Capricornian looks like Frida Kahlo? Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Frida. She was not even a Capricorn. I too believe in the saying “beauty is only skin deep.” But here I am just curious to know if this is one of those stereotypes like intelligent women doesn’t care about her appearance?

At one time I used to religiously follow Linda Goodman and read the week ahead on Sunday newspaper. How about you? Do you think that your personality traits are influenced by your zodiac sign? What is your zodiac sign? Do you look for compatibility factor in relationships based on the signs?

Trivia on the movie: From the looks of the posters it seems the movie is inspired by an old Doordarshan serial Mr. Yogi which was based on Gujarati novel ‘Kimball Ravenswood’ by Madhu Rye.

When Peanut started Pre-school at age 3, I was not sure how she was going to adapt but when I saw this confident little 3 year old waving at me, giving high-five to the Principal and mingling with others, I chuckled wiping my misty eyes.  That’s when I realized that it was me who needed to adapt and let go. My daughter was ready to explore the world. As Erma Bombeck puts it wittily,

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator.

I have not reached that stage yet but each stage is a step towards letting my child go. There is a whole world outside to be explored by these curious minds. After the first day of pre-school, my separation pang waned. It was only till noon for next two years so it was a perfect balance between school and home. She was only gone for couple of hours and I could finish my pending work too.

This week my 5 year old started Kindergarten full day. I had varied emotions just thinking how I am going to let go off my angel for such long hours. The timing is 8:00 am to 3:20 pm. She goes to bed by 8:30 pm on school days. So I only get to spend 5 hours a day with her from now on. It will reduce as she grows older. Such is life! Everyone has to go through the phase.

In the class she hugged and kissed me and said, “Mamma! I am really excited to be in school whole day. I get to study more and make lot more friends.” Seriously! don’t kids cry going to school anymore? I remember faking illness and being forced to go to school even as a teenager and here a 5 year old is all excited to be in school whole day. While walking towards the car I wished, “Mole! May you always do well in life and face the world with same confidence and enthusiasm.” I thought she would be tired the first day but she showed no such signs and geared up for her Ballet class too in the evening.

At home around lunch time the reality dawned on me. For the first time in my mommy years, she was not with me for lunch. I imagined Peanut sitting with her friends, opening her lunch box and chatting away to glory. I could just foresee the years passing by quickly. Just that thought broke my heart and I cried my eyes out. Then I felt better and I knew that I would get used to this routine too. I am now. We prepare our child to be independent and we should also be prepared to deal with the reality.

I like this quote from the article here

Ready or not. There they go. Watch them fly. The curtain falls on a child well raised, hear the applause?
 

 On similar lines:

• A mother’s account after daughter left for college
• Empty nest: Winging it

The other day while searching for something I stumbled upon this quote and the first thing that came to my mind was that I would go bungee jumping. I had mentioned it here. The fear of retreating or something going terribly wrong is what keeps me away from attempting it.

I know that it is a question within the quote that inspires us to think out of the box and look at life with a broadened perspective. If there was no fear of failure then what would we become? What would we attempt? How would that reflect on our life?

Apparently when this question was posed to a group of professionals from different fields, only one came up with the response that the psychoanalyst desired. So what’s the first thing that came to your mind when you read this question? Not that it matters still let us see whose response matches with that of the analyst’s.

Edited on 1 Sep 2009 to add the response:

The desired answer was,

I would do just the same that I am doing now. Life is all about taking risks. I don’t think about failure if I really want to attempt something.

Many comments were close and philosophical. OG and Anrosh almost got it. Deeps and Nova are the closest. Here’s your winning badge, Deeps and Nova!

Bollywood superstar Shahrukh Khan detained and frisked at the US airport.

Indian Minister’s reaction:

How can they frisk SRK? The way America frisks us we should do the same for them here.

Courtesy: created using  ToonDoo

All of us have been in situations when someone asked us or said something caustic that left us dazed. Then there have been situations when we did the same to others. In both cases may be it was foot-in-the-mouth case or just curiousness or plain discourtesy.

There are some remarks which blew my top but I still maintained my cool because I believe sometimes it is just not worth it. I would if it hurt someone close to me or if it deserved an answer. I have never offered an unsolicited advice ever unless of course someone came to me for one. So I really don’t understand why people take it upon themselves to preach unnecessarily.

These are some ‘I can’t believe you asked me that’ moments verbatim which I replied with just a smile. The comments in parenthesis are added in jest :

1. You are so lucky. Your husband is changing baby’s (Peanut was 7 months then) diaper.

(Err…m I didn’t make that kid alone.)

2. You should have 2 kids even if something happens to one another stays to take care of you.

(Why stop at 2? How about a Cricket team? Now that’s a money spinner.)

3. Your husband is searching for his file. Go help him and send him down for Tea.

(Sure! God has given me X-ray vision so I can find things which husband can’t.)

4. Oh! you got up so late at 10:00 am? My daughter gets up early and we are now coming from Temple after prabhata puja (morning prayer).

(Uh ho! I didn’t get the memo.)

5. Your daughter can bearly speak few words of Malayalam. My grandson recites Sanskrit shloka.

(Yes! we are a little behind in respecting our culture and “roots”.)

6. How can you go to India often? I can’t bear the pollution there; dust, water. Uff! 

(Oh! we grew up eating mud and inhaling smoke so developed immunity. Oye chal! hawa aane de.)

7. Peanut has become so skinny. Aap kuch dete kyun nahin?

(Bahut sii cheezein di par kuch farak nahin pada. aap kaunsi chakki ka atta khilatein hain apne bachche ko?)

Have you ever experienced such moments when you wanted to blast the prodder but kept quiet instead thinking it is just not worth it? Any replies you probably should have given? Come on! let off some steam. It is all in jest.

Faint memories of an evening some 22 years back, a movie theater engulfed in melancholy during a song after which the movie had to be stopped till everyone cheered up and gorged on hot samosas and chilled Limca. The little girl didn’t understand the essence of the situation back then and enjoyed her snack.

This week as India prepares to celebrate 62 years of independence, she understands why her eyes always fills up while listening to this rendition.

May the pride and glory of being an Indian fill your heart with happiness…

Organic fresh Herb Salad and Red wine

(The picture is from my old food blog)

• Organic fresh Herb Salad – 5 oz
• Cheese – 4 oz
• Cantaloupe – 4 oz
• Green grapes – 2 oz
• Sunflower seeds (roasted) - a handful
• Olive oil- 4 tablespoon
• Vinaigrette - 1 tablespoon

Organic fresh salad content: Baby Lettuces (Red and Green Romaine, Red and Green Oak Leaf, Lollo Rosa), Red and Green chard, Mizuna, Arugula, Mache, Frisee, Radiccio, Parsley, Dill, Cilantro.

I can go to extremes when it comes to food. I start my morning with either Green tea or Lemon-Honey-lukewarm water, avoid cheese and butter most times but then there are times when I gorge on almost 15 meat cutlets or finish a box of jalebis at one go.

On the other hand, my health conscious husband exercises regularly, almost never indulges on anything unhealthy and an early lark as compared to me night owl. He insists that our refrigerator is always stuffed with 2-3 pkts of fresh greens. So it is no surprise that Salads found a place in our dinner menu long back. I could never eat Greens before but now got used to it and love it. We decorate Greens with some good dressing, croutons, roasted nuts; pair it with a nice wine or champagne and some Garlic bread to go with it.

Pairing Wine with Salad was considered blasphemous at one time. Even now many people prefer Champagne to go with Salads. The main culprit is the Vinaigrette in Salads which is acidic and thus turns any wine bland. Even the ones who go for Wine with Salad prefers White wine. I prefer Red wine to White. So the trick is to add less dressing or choose a vinaigrettes with mellow flavor. Other ways to address the acidic level is to keep oil to dressing ratio more or adding toasted nuts/seeds to the Greens. I also like mixing Olive oil with some lemon juice and use it as dressing. Even though a wine aficionado would wrinkle nose, I would also recommend chilled Dry rose with a Salad.

We have some good wineries in our small town. Now a visit is long due.

To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist – the problem is entirely the same in both cases. To know how much oil one must mix with one’s vinegar. ~ Oscar Wilde

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Long time back Destination Infinity, Nimmy, IHM and Reflections tagged me for my favorite melodies. I had this in my draft all this time but postponed linking to the songs. When DI started this tag, he had insisted on 10 songs and it was tough to come up with just 10. Since most of you have already done the tag and many have listed my favorite songs, I made a list with a conscious effort to not include those. Also, since most had English and Hindi, I excluded that too and sticking to just Malayalam songs. It was a tough task so I went with my first instinct.

I have also written a brief story behind each song for better understanding of non-Malayalis.

Click on each link to see/listen to the songs.

1. Olichirikkan vallikudilonn: I LOVE this song. While growing up I was so much like this character. When in school while vacationing in Kerala I used to go for such walks at my paternal grandparents’ estate all by myself humming a song like this oblivious to the real world. One of my fav. movies too.

2. Varuvanillarumi vijanamam: This is a beautiful poetry I hum often.

3. Naadha nee varum: I haven’t watched this movie. A friend sings this so well and since then I LOVE this song. The first line says ‘Sweetheart I am waiting for you to come home…’

4. Aalaapanam thedum: Beautiful mother-daughter relationship. Song literally means ‘A daughter is waiting to find a place in her mother’s heart’.

5. Ennodenthinee pinakkam: The movie was inspired by ‘Othello’, the girl here is sad about her husband’s aloofness.

6. Karukavayal kuruvi: I don’t remember the movie much but this song was my favorite then. My aunt wrote the lyrics for me and I used to sing this often.

7. Aayiram kannumayi: A grandmother is jubilant after her granddaughter comes to stay with her after ages.

8. Kanneer poovinte: Due to circumstances the girl marries someone else. This is Mohanlal at best. The movie was later remade in Hindi as ‘Gardish’.

9. Kannamthumbi poraamo: Story about two sisters. Younger one was abducted as a child and life is not the same for older sister and their father. Here older sister is reminiscing their childhood. (Peanut loves this song.)

10. Ambalapuzhe unni kannanodu: This is a beautiful dream sequence.

I have lot more in my list. So many melodies but restricting it to 10 as per the rule. Enjoy!

[All characters in this show are factual. Any resemblance to any blogger, is purely intentional. Red highlighted words point towards posts used as reference here.]

Usha of Ushus TV channel is worried about growing popularity of other channels and falling TRPs of her own channel. She needs something to revive it. The think-tank gets into action and comes up with an idea for a show where people can reveal truth.

The plan was to invite politicians on the show but they are so sly that even lie detectors can’t detect their lies and there’s no novelty in calling actors. Since blogging is a strong medium these days and bloggers are powerful with huge fan following of their own, a unanimous decision is made to call them on the show. The name of the show is

Bloggers: Sachai ka saamna

Solilo, an anchor of a flop show and now a useless blogger is summoned and asked to host the show. She suggested that all bloggers be called altogether for high TRPs. More the merrier.

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Tan..tanaaan…this part of the program is sponsored by Smitha’s bakery. All Gazelles and Ostrich look-alikes come and try yummy cakes and pastries from Smitha’s bakery. It is heaven.

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 Solilo walks in wearing a borrowed saree from Pakhi Sawant.

“Hello, audience and ingenuous viewers at home.” This is your host and dost Solilo bringing you…Bloggers’  sachai ka saamna. If you are a fan of the blogger and always wanted to know more about them then this is the time. Tune in. 

Here’s our first guest Indyeah.

Solilo: Hello, Indyeah! Please give us your introduction.

Here. Indyeah hands over a file to Solilo. 

Solilo: What’s this? 

Indyeah: My introduction. 

Solilo: But this looks like almost 100 pages. 

Indyeah: Yeah! I know. I am a woman of few words. I trimmed my introduction to just 100 pages. 

Solilo: But..but..we just want a brief introduction. 

Indyeah: You people..okay let me make it short.

Solilo: Thank you, Indyeah. Take your time. Meanwhile we call our next blogger Quirky Indian. 

Solilo: Hello, Mr. Quirky Indian. Welcome to our show.

QI: *Smirks* 

Solilo: What’s with the smirk? No thank you? 

QI: I am not your regular blogger. I own a channel. It is called Crapola network. 

Solilo: Oh no! We can’t let you advertise here. You have to leave immediately. 

Quirky Indian slips his business card into Solilo’s hand and says ‘Always remember cr**p.’ Bleep Bleep 

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Tan..tanatan….this part of the program is sponsored by Crafty’s crochet. If you need cute gifts for your children, nieces or nephews visit Craftyshines. Now discount offer….with every crochet, you will receive one hug and a muah from the owner…Free free free.

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Solilo: Our next guest is Hitchwriter. The bhai (brother) of blogosphere. Welcome to the show Hitchy. 

Hitchwriter: *hiding behind a pillar in the studio* Arre bhai mat kaho na. 

Solilo: Why are you hiding? 

Hitchwriter: Today is Raksha Bandhan and I heard that all you female species of blogging world are ready with a rakhi to tie on my wrist. I won’t come. Tell them that no one should address me as bhai or tie rakhi. 

Solilo goes and talks to the think-tank and other female bloggers. 

Solilo: Okay Hitchy! They agreed. They won’t tie rakhi or call you bhai. Now come to the show and please ask your friends to join us. 

Hitchwriter: Oye! Masood and Rakesh. Come on. The coast is clear. 

Masood who was hiding behind another pillar comes out and all female bloggers run towards him and tie rakhis. 

Masood: What? Why? Solilo, you promised and Hitchy, Et..tu…..? 

Hitchy (with an evil laughter): Arre yaar it was either me or you. Hahahaha. Solilo joins in the laughter.

Masood is forced to give away Audi, Mercedes, Diamonds and cash to his new sisters. He walks out of the studio singing ‘Dost dost na raha….zindagi ab tera…’. 

Rakesh (behind the 3 rd pillar): I knew something like this was going to happen. I never trust this Solilo but Hitchy bhai…. didn’t expect this from you.

Rakesh throws that pillar at Hitchy; gets into his car and drives off. Immediate medical attention for Hitchwriter meanwhile next guest appears on the show. 

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This part of the program is sponsored by Kislay’s Kitchen and Bathroom brushes. Are you a patriot; want to teach fanatics good lesson? Gift them these two brushes and tell the difference between a bathroom and a kitchen. For more info go here.

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Solilo: Hello Sraboney aka Bones! Welcome to the show. 

Bones: Thank you. 

Solilo: Why are you wearing so many gems? Are you competing with Mr. Kachchan? 

Bones: Kachchan? Who’s that? I am often called a gem picker by many like our esteemed Mr. Sharma so I picked all the gems and put them in rings. 

Bones walks off in search of more gems. Time is running out and still so many bloggers to appear on the show. 

Solilo: Hello IHM, welcome to the show. We are honored to have you here as you are a famous blogger. 

IHM: First tell me… are there equal number of women and men on this show? I see fewer women in the audience. I won’t tolerate this inequality. Are these women sitting at home making hot chapathis for their husband? 

Solilo: No..I mean…… 

IHM: I can’t spend more time chitchatting with you. I have to be at the launch of a shock product that will be used on men who disrespect or abuse women. We have a product that is attached to the tip of woman’s finger and any man who attacks or abuses a woman gets a terrible shock when an invisible button is switched on. So bye-bye have to be there. 

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Tan..tanaaan…this part of the program is sponsored by Tara’s interior decor. For rearranging furnitures and germinating seeds contact Mindspace owner Tara. 

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“Sthalle..kalipu” 

Solilo: Oh! Looks like our next guest Ordinary Guy has arrived. But what’s this? Lungi? 

OG: Yes! Lungi. India is hot and lungi should be our national attire.

Solilo: OG, can you please wear pants. You can’t wear lungi in here. 

OG: Why? I am a simple guy and I prefer Lungi in this hot weather. If you object to my way of dressing then to hell with your show. Throws some sambhar at Solilo and walks away. 

Solilo wipes off the sambhar..now all tensed at not being able to interview a single blogger and there she sees her next blogger.

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Tan..tanaaan…this part of the program is sponsored by Pixie. If you can’t control your anger, you feel itchy all the time then buy Pixie dust from angelic Pixie.

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Enters Vimal crooning ‘ye tara wo tara….tara tara’. 

Solilo: Hello Vimal! You sing so well. ‘Ye tara..woh tara’. I love that song.

Vimal: I was not singing. I was abusing someone in my mother tongue. I said, “ THARA..THARA’. It means bleddy piece of %$&*@#. Bleep Bleep Bleep. 

Solilo: Vimal..you can’t use such words here. Control..please. Now coming to our Sachai ka saamna. Is it true that you broadcasted your bathing ritual couple of days back? Are you trying to be new Pakhi Sawant? Is this your way to garner publicity? 

Vimal: Buahahahaha….. this is a free country. If nation’s top star Mahrukh Shan can show his luxurious bath sitting in a bath tub under Rose petals then why can’t I? 

Solilo: Ahem..yes! you can but after seeing your broadcast many bloggers got scandalized and some have become insane. Some blind forever. 

Vimal: Buahahahaha.

With this the time allotted for the show is over and as soon as camera is switched off, audience throws rotten eggs and tomatoes on the host Solilo. 

Another flop show. 

Agitated channel owner Usha walks in. 

Solilo: Ma’am, give me some money. I tried hard. These bloggers are all crazy.

Usha: I heard you really love Peanut. So here you go…some Peanuts. And yes! You are fired. *walks off adjusting her spectacles.*

No money nowhere to go Solilo finds Quirky Indian’s card in her hand and walks towards Crapola network singing ‘jiska koi naheen uska to khuda hai yaaron………’

Meanwhile at some corner of the studio…….. Indyeah exclaims: Done. I trimmed my introduction to 99 pages.

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The other half and moi were talking a bit loud in a light argument. Peanut comes running from her room and asks us,

Peanut: “What is the commotion here? Can I have some peace and quiet please.”

We looked at each other, burst out laughing and said, “Okay Grandma!” still wondering about her using the word ‘commotion’ for our little argument.

Err…m who’s the parent here? Just because we are parents, now we lose the right to argue? This girl will turn us into a saccharin-sweet couple.

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With this I finish my 100th post of a journey I started on 13 Dec 2008 . I was miffed at someone and had just watched ‘Gone with the wind’. So just registered on wordpress and scribbled these lines here.

If you think ‘Soliloquies of an Opinionated mind’ was my original blog title then you are wrong. The clue is in the first post. I changed my blog title to the current one around 2nd week of blogging because I thought the previous one was bit controversial even though my blog was getting hits because of that title. Any guesses yet?   If not then check the address link of my first post.

Today.. I thank each one of you for being my lovely audience for past 8 months. I never started blogging with comments in mind. In fact I had never thought I would blog this long but your comments, from two liners to two page essays; each one is precious. The camaraderie we share here is to cherish.

Many of you have bestowed me with some wonderful awards that I never passed to others simply because I could never do justice. I really appreciate all the gifts and awards and have arranged it here with due credit to all you wonderful people.

Once again thank you all for the love and support. Let the camaraderie continue………

Every year first Sunday of August is celebrated as ‘International Friendship Day’. This year it is on 2nd August. Same day also ushers in birthday of a dear friend. Now that’s a double celebration!

The dear friend resides here.

I want all your wishes to come true…today and always. Happy Birthday! Keep smiling!  

Also wishing Happy Friendship Day to all of my friends here (in advance)!

Click play to view the card (with music). Comments option is off.

Ramayana Maasam started this Friday of Malayalam month Karkkidakam 1 (July 17) and this year an amazing tradition too started with it. 

The month of rejuvenation which was observed till now by Hindus have impressed the members of the Malankara Orthodox Syrian Church who started the first day of the month by reading from the Holy Bible. From this year the month of Karkkidakam will acquire an additional name. It will be known as both, Ramayana Maasam and Bible Maasam.

© Solilo

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

This is the last stanza from Robert Frost’s most analyzed poem ‘The Road not taken’. Robert Frost and Emily Dickinson are two of my favorite poets. I could always relate to their poems, their take on life and love, and the mystery element in their poems. ‘The Road Not taken’ ends almost similar to Frost’s other renowned poem ‘Stopping by woods on a Snowy Evening’. While idealists would analyze both to be inspiring, it is still not clear if poet intended that way. Perhaps he did, perhaps he didn’t and let the audience perceive the way they wanted. On Road not Taken, Frost asserts,

You have to be careful of that one; it’s a tricky poem – very tricky.

It is indeed a very tricky poem and a reason why it is the most analyzed and interpreted poem. I am not getting into the details of it. Entire poem and its detailed analysis are available here. The premise of this post is the above mentioned stanza. The poet says that out of two roads, he took the less traveled one and it has made all the difference in his life. Now whether it is positive or negative is moot. The usage of ‘sigh’ in the first line could be a sigh of relief or sigh of despair. We will never know.

Have you ever been in such a dilemma; a quandary where you had two options? Which option did you choose? Did you take the popular path or decide to be the trendsetter and choose the less traveled one? Have you ever regretted such major decisions in life? If given a chance would you go back and take the other one?

Looking back I don’t regret much. Even now there are times when I am in a fix and unable to make up my mind. It might be a major one or not so grave one; I think, analyze the pros and cons on major ones and now the inconsequential ones where I have to confront someone, I think about it a little more and sometimes ignore if it doesn’t affect me. I used to be impetuous before and though it had positive as well as negative results, I would like to believe that it was more negative. Now I give it more time and thought. Every decision in life isn’t that easy but then one needs to take the risk.

I consider myself lucky that I can heave a sigh of relief after choosing the less traveled road. Sometimes I do wonder though what it would have been had I chosen the other path? How life would have turned out? Do you all think that way?

The title of the poem is ‘Road not taken’ not ‘Road less traveled’. So may be the author was also thinking about the path that he didn’t take. How would it have been? One wonders! sigh….

A beautiful instrumental odyssey from Rahul Sharma’s Time Traveller,

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On an unrelated note…or is it related? This is actually the ‘road I always shied away from’ . After being branded a Dinosaur for not tweeting, I finally took the plunge yesterday. Never been part of any social networking sites so as expected got bored immediately. But now am liking this tweety bird thanks to confused soul…..chirp away.. http://twitter.com/solitalks

At a restaurant,

Server (to Peanut): Here you go sweetie, your Apple juice. Let me know how it is. 

Peanut (sips a little): Mmm….yum…it tastes like BEER. 

The other half and moi: 

Server:   

Me (hiding embarrassment):  When did you taste Beer? 

Peanut: Mamma, It looks like Beer.

(The thing is this Apple juice was a bit fizzy still imagine what that server thought about us as parents.) 

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After dinner from this restaurant we went to Sundial Bridge again, for a stroll. It was after 9..not too dark. I saw three Indian guys coming towards us. I told the other half that one guy looks like OG and since SFO is just 3 hours away and this being long weekend, it could be him. I stared at those guys to get a good glimpse and almost prepared to surprise ‘the blogger friend’ only to find that it was someone else. Gosh! So embarrassing and those guys were a little taken aback. 

This is what crazy world of blogging does to you. 

At Lake Caverns there were lot of Dandelion parachute ball, I looked at them and said to myself…. WOW! Saritha’s avatar.

The time is not far when I go to the Zoo, see a Langoor and exclaim…Quirky Indian (Check his profile picture). (Now before QI lands on my blog, let me make a quick exit).  

[P.S. I took QI's permission before putting this here. Just in case anyone accuses me of meanness. ]

Sundial Bridge at night © Solilo

Of us…

In life one is trussed by many relationships and each one has its prominence. There is one that is for eternity, to dream together, to make those dreams happen together, to grow old together. I am celebrating that relationship. The union…our marriage. 

June 30 ushered in 9th year of our union. Two individuals who are paradigms of opposites attract, who hardly agree on anything have adapted to each other’s likes and dislikes in a way that the differences don’t matter any more. Our conflicts actually provide a balance in our relationship. Almost a decade of togetherness and there is lot more to learn about each other. Whoever said that novelty of marriage wears off after initial years? I say that I am closer and more in love with him. This love has more meaning and understanding.

As we step into the 10th year of our life together, I want to say

forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face–always 

Happy Anniversary, Dear! May we feel the same way always.

Of our gifts…

Both of us are not the ones who go out of the way to surprise each other on every special day. Most times his idea of gift is buy whatever you like and mine is tell me what you want. Still there are times when we have surprised each other and loved it. Some cute gifts and some expensive ones. Sometimes flowers and sometimes a celebration with champagne and a dessert and sometimes nothing at all.

The gift I received this anniversary made me ecstatic. It is a 1 carat Diamond Solitaire. This is the one. I gave him a Gold ring with Lord Ganesha inscribed in it that I had gotten from India. I know he won’t wear that. The only thing he wears is the wedding band out of compulsion . He still loved the gift and promised to wear on special occasions. Of course I LOVED mine. I love all my jewelry…all of it. after all..as they say, Diamonds are forever.

Like most couples, the other half and moi have a song. This is the one. Hmm…the reason..let it be a secret  Lata Mangeshkar’s chuckle at 3:25 is more like Muahahahaha when I sing. Before when we used to sing duet, our friends always laughed at that part and also perhaps at my singing. Peanut used to smile whenever we sang this in the car. We hadn’t in a long time but this week on our trip to Redding we sang again and lot more. It was fun.

Of our trip and some pictures… 

Lake Caverns amazed me. The long trail of steps didn’t really bother me because I was amazed at nature’s creation. Stalactite and stalagmite formation studded with brilliant crystals shine inside the dark cave. The clear, blue, pristine man-made Shasta lake surrounded by Red layers of rocks is a beautiful sight. Redding is surrounded by mountains to the north, east, and west; and fertile farm land to the south. The soil is mostly red or brown and probably the reason why the city was named so inspite of the blue lakes and green valley. Burney falls is majestic. Most of The Park’s landscape was created by volcanic activity. The falls were called ‘the Eighth Wonder of the World’ by President Roosevelt. We missed Sundial Bridge’s Summer solstice by 2 weeks. It is exactly accurate on only one day in a year -June 21. On that day the tip of the shadow moves at approximately one foot per minute so that the Earth’s rotation about its axis can be seen with the naked eye. Peanut had fun riding her bike on the bridge and through trails. Now I need to give rest to my sore muscles from all the walking I did during the trip. 500 odd steps at Lake Shasta Caverns, hiking and all that endless walking on Sacramento river trail and Turtle Bay. I surprised myself. Yay! I don’t have to exercise for another 2 months (as if…) as I have nicely toned legs.  The trip was fun, adventurous and relaxing at the same time.

Mount Shasta

Shasta Lake

Lake Caverns

Sacramento valley

Sundial bridge

McArthur-Burney Falls

© All pictures taken by me and copyrighted to me.

Every year we vacation in Kerala around this time. To enjoy the summers here we stayed back this year so now missing the monsoon in Kerala. Those who know me well would be surprised to read this because they are aware of my revulsion to rainy season. That’s because it pours here to perpetuity and creates a gloomy environment. Too much of anything is not good, not even rain.

Kerala monsoon arrives with great clamor. As a child, while vacationing in Kerala, I was petrified of lightening and thunder. Sky looked as if it gulped a thick black smoke. I am still not fine with the lightening and thunder part but okay with monsoon. Just having hot tea, some snacks and chatting with everyone….aaah! missing that.

There are two monsoon seasons in Kerala. The one I am talking about is Southwestern monsoon. Rains start at Edavam month (mid May – mid June- 1o th month) of Malayalam calendar. It is called Edavapathy. Monsoon is the ideal time for rejuvenation therapy. Many follow a special diet and go for ayurvedic massages and treatments around this time. I don’t follow any diet because I go on vacations to stuff myself but I do go for ayurvedic massages. It cleanses the skin and alleviates body ache.

Karkiddakam month (mid July- mid Aug- 12 th month) is when the rain is at its boisterous worst. Those who plan a trip to Kerala for any ayurvedic treatment should choose this time. Rain hinders long travel plans and ayurvedic therapy requires ample rest time. This is not the time for fun trip. Many people have a special diet called Karkidaka kanji in the morning during the entire month of Karkadakam. It is a gruel prepared out of nine pulses, fenugreek, Cow’s milk. These days you get to buy packets in the stores so people just buy that and add it to the hot milk. No one follows this diet in our immediate family but I have seen my distant relatives esp. older people enjoying this as breakfast.

This month is also known as Ramayana maasam ( month of Ramayan) in Kerala. During the entire month, the epic Ramayan is read in most temples and households. It is said that since this month was gloomy for everyone esp. the agriculturists because of the heavy rains, time was spent reading Ramayan and in spiritual healing. The reading of the Ramayan begins on the first day of the month and is completed by last day of the month. Ramayan is divided in various kandam (chapters) so the paarayanam (reading) is in the chronological order or one can choose just one chapter and read it the entire month.

Last year when I was in Kerala I wanted to start reading Ramayan too. We have never done it in our home. I have been to temples during the time and listened to the reading but never at home. So I got Adhyatma Ramayanam for myself. Since I am not fluent in the language, my Dad showed me a page and translated it for me to read it every day. I read that the whole month last year and plan to do the same this year too. This year Ramayana maasam begins on July 17 and ends on August 16.

I never knew I would miss Kerala monsoon so much and write about it. Nostalgia makes people do crazy stuff . Listen to this music titled Varshaa : Rain melodies.

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.

–cheats her child in a board game to win it.

–gulps half part of samosa when the child is looking the other way.

–demands a shoulder and head massage in order to let the child watch Spongebob Squarepants.

–fights with the child for half eaten Kit Kat.

–lies to the child occasionally.

–lets the child have her way sometimes just to teach a lesson.

In the past couple of weeks we have read and heard a lot about racism against Indians in Australia. Media has highlighted the issue enough and all of us have discussed and debated on it at various blogs and discussion boards.  I am not getting into that.

This is not about any race. This is about the disparity in the way we treat others. This is about the way we revere ours by putting down others. 

Scene 1—Workplace in US:

A group of Indian Engineers converse in their native tongue and laugh out loud looking at American colleagues. They sit together at lunch and continue the antics.  

Nothing wrong in the approach after all it feels nice to meet fellow Indians in an alien land but imagine if they were subjected to similar form of ridicule by the majority in the same company.

Scene 2 — Conversation between friends: 

Why is Peanut learning Ballet? Why not any Indian dance forms? Ballet is not our culture. 

Every year the number of westerners learning Indian dance forms like Bharatnatyam and Kathakali is increasing. There are many who live in Indian dance academy, follow the rituals and master Indian dance forms. Do they get subjected to similar questions? They are appreciated for learning our dance forms then why is learning a western dance style questioned?

 How is learning any other dance form even if it is a western form be appalling? Adapting or learning something new only increases our awareness, it doesn’t kill our culture. Does it? 

Scene 3 — Behind the screens:

She is friendlier with Americans. She goes out with them to watch movies, for drinks etc. And what’s with Indian women wearing tank tops and shorts? Why does she wear a dress to Christmas party? Why not a saree? 

In the 80s, some defence officials from USSR lived in our camp with their families because of defence deal between India and USSR back then. Those women made it a point to wear sarees to our functions and even took part in Diwali and other celebrations. They were simply trying to fit in and I know for sure that everyone appreciated their attempt. Then how is an Indian woman wearing dress to a Christmas function in US becomes a matter of ridicule among some Indians? Isn’t it a personal choice?

Why is it necessary to stick together only with Indians? What is wrong in making friends with Americans? Friendship is something that happens between two people for various reasons. It has nothing to do with race or language or religion. Is it that difficult to understand even in this day and age? 

By accepting or learning a new culture we aren’t putting down Indian culture. Is Indian culture so shallow that it vanishes as soon as someone wears a dress or speaks in English or eats with spoon and fork? What is our culture anyways? Do we have a single culture? Aren’t we a potpourri which blends together to create a unique scent?

Isn’t culture always evolving with time? If it was not, then wouldn’t we all be still stuck wearing kanchuka (an ancient dress) or living in jungles? 

The title of this post is taken from here which shows the prejudice among Indian community. We are always forth in talking about Brown pride but will we be receptive if someone talks about White pride? The ones who talk about White pride are Rednecks who aren’t acceptable in the normal society and their views are very similar to Bal Thackeray/Muthalik/Varun Gandhi brigade who spew venom and create rift between majority and minority in India.

It is good to appreciate our own skin color but talking about Brown pride and grouping is reverse racism which is nothing but plain racism. Many adults don’t realize that this constant talk about Brown and White has a bad impact on their children and they grow up to be insecure with complex about their own skin color.

We are a country

• where a newborn’s skin color and gender is the first question asked.
• where DIL and daughter are asked to eat something White or food mixed with Saffron to produce fair baby.
• where Wheatish is a complexion because dark is simply unacceptable.
• where our Gods are painted Blue even when Shyam varna means Black.

Read the conditions we have for adopting a child

Dark-skinned babies find it difficult to find parents willing to adopt them.

Interestingly, many of the dark-skinned children were adopted by westerners, most of whom, according to social workers, come to India with the sole aim of providing a family to a child. 

Now is the time for us to leave our prejudices; to treat our guests and fellow Indians the way we want to be treated and not let this, this, this happen in our country anymore.

                                                                    [Peanut is 3rd from left]

Peanut had her first Ballet recital on June 13. There were almost 25 different forms of dances from the same dance school and an auditorium filled with cheering family and friends. She had her Mamu (my brother) and our friends along with her parents to cheer for her though she missed her grandparents. They have promised to be here on her next year’s recital. I was suffering from severe throat pain and had almost lost my voice that morning but with little I had, I cheered… more like shouted. It was my baby’s first dance recital.

Thanks to my dear blog friends who wished through comments and e-mailed me before Peanut’s recital. You guys are the best!

Nids tagged me for this fun questionnaire that you have to ask your child. Peanut’s replies are in bold with my comments in the bracket.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
–Listen

2. What makes mom happy?
–Loving her

3. What makes mom sad?
–Not listening to her

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
–Tickle

5. What was your mom like as a child?
–Like me

6. How old is your mom?
–21 ( Can’t blame the kid for her mom looks really young )

7. How tall is your mom?
–22 big (She didn’t have a clue about it)

8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV?
–Tom and Jerry

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
–Shopping

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
–For spilling things like Orange Juice (Err….m )

11. What is your mom really good at?
–Driving

12. What is your mom not very good at?
–Running  (I run like Phoebe) (A reason why my husband doesn’t want to be seen with me when I am running)

13. What does your mom do for her job?
–Typing into laptop

14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
–Pasta

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
–Helping people like my friends, her friends, Dadda’s friends (Okay now I am the new Mrs. World …where’s my crown)

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
–Spongebob Squarepants

17. What do you and your mom do together?
–Play games

18. How are you and your mom the same?
–Both like fun

19. How are you and your mom different?
–I have long hair and she has short hair

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
–She takes care of me, tuck me in bed with a kiss and sing hush little baby

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
–Both dancing to the music in kitchen spinning around (Uff….these little girls notice everything)

22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
–India

The relationship between a father and a daughter is very sweet and simple: She will trust every word he utters and will look up to him for he is her first hero; first man in her life. It is very important that a father get involved with parenting from Day 1. Mine did and it has left a positive influence in my life and a reason why my first words were Pa-pa.

I have always been partial about my Dad. I think more daughters will vouch for this fabulous bond, girls share with their Dad. No matter what, I always sided with my Dad and my brother with mom. Even most pictures from our childhood would reveal this fact; may be because when younger one arrives, the older one becomes more of Dad’s responsibility and spends more time with Dad. I as the older one and a girl bonded well with my Dad. Since mom was with my baby brother, it was me always going out with Dad for everything. I cherish those days. 

Moms are emotional and more vocal about their feelings but Dads seldom divulge their feelings and always put up a strong exterior. When I look back I see the compassionate and caring side of my Dad.

Some moments that bring smile to my moist face:

— gave Honey with powdered tablets because he thought his little daughter can’t swallow big tablets. Even when the daughter grew up and her little brother could swallow tablets easily, dad insisted that it is simply because both mom and son had big throat.

—didn’t get a wink of sleep when his daughter had pneumonia and wiped her face with Ice water the entire night.  

—bought her samosas, kachoris, pastries because she was a picky eater. Mom kept saying how he was spoiling his daughter but that didn’t stop him.

—came to every PTA meeting and met with all teachers to see his daughter’s progress.

—shared Sunday newspaper and watched World this week with her and encouraged to share views on various happenings.

—smiled and listened to his crazy daughter’s period woes.

—was cool with his daughter udao-ing his Beer to wash her hair.

—was worried for his 41 kg daughter who wore a heavy silk saree with jewellery from head to toe and then had to take pheras with one hand held by the other half and a heavy tray (sarees which husband gives) on another. His daughter wasn’t used to wearing such sarees and he was worried that his thin girl would trip over. His daughter caught the glimpse of him heaving a sigh of relief after pheras.

—a strong man who believe in boys don’t cry and controlled his tears even when his parents passed away, cried profusely when his daughter left home. He still struggles with hiding tears at airport.

—is still worried about his daughter because he thinks that she doesn’t take care of her health.

There are so many incidents and memories that it will turn into a book, if I keep writing. I am in a nostalgic mood. Memories of childhood are the best reminisced when one grows old and is far away from people that matter. 

This quote aptly suits my Papa,

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

He is so sweet that on June 21, I can envisage him walking restlessly till his son and daughter ring up and wish him Happy Father’s Day.

No, I am not taking over Miss Manners and this is not an advice column. I am just smiling and brazenly nodding in agreement with the article, Men are the best tippers.

Between the other half and me, he is definitely a better tipper. I don’t mind splurging on things I want but when it comes to tipping, I become all penny-pinching. My argument is that these people are paid to work then why should we tip them so much for the service which anyways they are supposed to provide. The other half disagrees with me because according to him, most of these people are not paid that well and tips is actually an estimated part of their wages. I know he is right. I have come a long way but still there always is this doubt in my mind if I have tipped someone more whereas most people worry about less tipping. 

Usually 15-20% is the appropriate tip for restaurants. The other half tips around 20% (and more than 20% when the server is a hot lady) whereas I prefer around 15%. Don’t laugh you guys! I am getting there . The first time I visited a beauty salon here in US, I tipped just 5% and learned later that Beauty salons also follow the same tipping etiquette as restaurants and that is 5% for inferior service, 10% for average and 15-20% for above average. I felt bad because the lady was very pleasant and did her job well. Since then I have started tipping 15%. I think it will take couple more years for me to change it into 20%. 

What is true in my case needn’t be the reality. Women get the short end of the stick, service wise because of this perception that women tips less. In this study, some waiters actually agree that they neglect group of women because of this stereotype. This article only fortifies that belief.

Tipping is a gratuity and a gift for good service. It is not a must but more of a social norm and comes under basic etiquettes. There are still a lot of places where I don’t tip as yet. May be in future I might. Here’s a good guide to tipping etiquette.  

What about you? Do you think men are better tippers? Do you tip well? Do you tip for most services? Tell me that there are at least a few who are in my category and that is kanjoos slowly turning into a good tipper. 

Addendum:

TIPS : To Insure Prompt Service

Mind your Ps and Qs: simply means ‘mind your manners’.

So Dudes! what’s stopping you? Get shopping.

Yesteryear’s Superstar will be honored with a lifetime achievement award at IIFA this year; same awards which is endorsed by Mr. Bachchan. So is it an end to their rivalry?

While we are on Bachchans, it is said that Mrs. Bachchan won’t be attending IIFA this year to be with Amar Singh (If anyone is laughing then please stop it right now. It is not very nice to laugh at sick people.) because latter is admitted into a Singapore hospital for Kidney transplantation.

Picture courtesy: Filmicafe.com

As most of you already know, the other half and I have a 5 year old daughter; an only child. We are what you call hum do, hamare ek family and we intend to stay that way.  That is no more additions. But I would never say never because our thoughts are influenced by many factors; external and internal.  

It is highly unlikely though that I am going to change my mind on this but I never forcefully say it when people ask esp. the elderly to avoid their unsolicited advice. Almost everyone I know prefers two children and I say good for them. They have good intention with the thought. Two children definitely strengthens sibling bond and also avoid overbearing parents. I have a brother whereas the other half is an only child. Both of us turned out not so bad. So it is not a tacit that the ones without siblings suffer.  

I was never the kind who had too much motherly instinct while growing up. Some friends had planned this perfect family with two children when I had never thought about even marriage. I loved picking up names for kids though. Just like that. In our group of close friends, I was among the first to get married and that shocked many. But we were not going to have children immediately. I was definitely not prepared for it. I had no motherly instinct whatsoever seeing babies. I will pick them up and say cute, cuggly-wuggly…that’s all. I became mother when I was prepared for it, wanted it and was looking forward to it. So the joy of my motherhood can’t be explained. I was over the moon. 

3 pair of shoes : our single child family

Some friends who had kids around the same time that I had Peanut are now either pregnant or already had one more. So the obvious question when I pick up the phone is when am I going to give them good news again. Since they are close friends I really have no problem with the question and laugh it off. I tell them that I have never felt the same kind of feeling like the one when I had Peanut. They say that it will come and I need to have one more. I tell them that I can’t have kids just for the sake of it. I will have one only if I want one. For now our life is settled. There is no place for another baby and I don’t think I am ready to make space for another one. My mom and MIL have even promised to take care of the baby if I have one but my take is simple- if I have my kid then I want to take care of her. I don’t want to send her to India to be with her grandparents or dump her at any daycare or with maid. I love the idea of being pregnant and also seeing a brand new beautiful face but I dread those sleepless nights, I can’t go through feeding and potty training routine. I am done with all. If I can’t take responsibility for a new baby then I don’t want one. Is it that difficult to understand? 

A friend once asked me if my decision has anything to do with the fact that an only child is mostly an overachiever. She said that with two children she hardly finds time to attend to both whereas with one I must be getting plenty to take care of her needs, spot her talent and give her the best. I just nod in agreement to the fact that I do find it easier and I have no clue how I would have managed with two. But the point here is not about one or two children, it simply is as I have always maintained, parenting is never about quantity but quality time.

Some brand me selfish for not giving a companion to Peanut. They sympathize with Peanut for having to grow up without siblings. I don’t know why is it that they feel more towards this than Peanut’s own mother; that’s me. May be I really am selfish. Selfish that I don’t have time for another kid because I feel my family is now complete and content. 

I have a friend who decided never to have children. She miscarried once and then never felt the urge to have children. Her inlaws are at constant loggerheads with her because she is refusing them their only chance to become dada-dadi. They are already nana-nani. She is firm on her decision. She says that it hurt her earlier at selfish remarks thrown at her but she has outgrown it now. She says that many tell her that she will not have anyone to take care of her in old age to which she replies that she is not having children to repay her in old age. She is not having because she just doesn’t want to. She and her husband are happy with their lifestyle.

I am someone who is firm when it comes to life’s major decisions so in all probability we will stick to one. Earlier the other half asked me to give it some more thought in couple of years but now after 5 years even he is firm that we are done. He doesn’t want another child and my feelings too haven’t changed. I never go on asking mothers of two children to have one more. After all isn’t the more the merrier so I too think that it is none of their business to question our personal choices. 

Is it really a crime to have just one child?

On a lighter note, this is a conversation that happened couple of weeks back

Peanut: Mamma, I am planning to have a brother or sister.

Me: Oh! Hum! When?!

Peanut: Not decided yet. I will tell you, Mamma.

Me: Okay then.

Peanut: After I decide, Dadda, you and I can go shop for the baby and put in your tummy.

Me: Okay *laughs to myself*

—After sometime—

Peanut: Mamma, I changed my mind. I don’t need brother or sister.

Me: Why?

Peanut: Because…because. I just don’t want to. *and walks off*

Stormy Friday afternoon

 “Out of the dark we came, into the dark we go. Like a storm-driven bird at night we fly out of the Nowhere; for a moment our wings are seen in the light of the fire, and, lo! we are gone again.” ~H. Rider Haggard (King Solomon’s Mines)

Other photofeatures:

• Tranquility of a lovely sunset
• Summer afternoon

I know couple of them who will hop and scamper here after reading the title . Sorry to disappoint you guys. I am not swinging the other way. This is just a pretense switcheroo. 

Monika asked me to list 5 women who would appeal to me if I were a man.

Hmm…*switch* I am a man.. (I dread the terms now search engines will generate to direct people here)

1. Gayatri Devi & Jacqueline Kennedy: I have posted two names together because both women are one and the same in terms of class and beauty. The ever so ethereal Gayatri Devi has this charismatic aura. A true fashionista and a trendsetter, she made them pastel chiffons so chic. Same goes for Jackie O. Her pearls and them White gloves looks part of her. I don’t think there ever were two women so pristine as them. I know both are old choices but then I can switch into a man of their era.

2. Revathi: She is someone who I think is like me in lot of ways. She has this modern approach to most of the things in life and yet a traditional quality to her. So if I were a man then of course I would date someone like moi. She makes films she believes in. One of the best female actors India has ever seen.

3. Priyanka Gandhi: She is perfect in every way whether its her looks, pedigree, speech,  interviews or simply being a mom. She has got it all and yet so composed.

4. Mallika Sarabhai: A woman of conviction who knew what she was getting into but she went ahead anyways. An erudite lady. Which man can resist such a go-getter? She also excels in her field. She is a renowned dancer, film-maker, writer and a well-known social activist.

5. Meg Ryan: She has been my favorite actor ever since I can remember. I love her versatility, beautiful smile and her girl next door looks. I lost count of times I have watched When Harry met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle. Sad to see her ruined face now because of excess botox.

I tag: Most women bloggers I know are tagged so I am going to ask guys to play switcheroo. Now these guys have to turn into a woman and list 5 guys who would make them drool. I tag Hitchy, Kislay, Rakesh, OG, Vimal, Rahul, Dev and anyone who wants to take up this tag. The clause with this tag is that SRK and Farhan Akhtar are a must in the list. 

Disclaimer: I don’t own copyright of any of the photos on this post. All are googled images and credit entirely goes to the respective owners.

Edited to add:

The list of completed tags (laugh till your stomach hurts)

• Kislay
• Vimmu
• OG
• Hitchy

Others who picked up the tag:

• Shilpa
• Mandira
• Pixie
• Smitha
• Oorja
• Ashwathy
• Indyeah

Young couples who grumble about parental scrutiny and interference should know that it is not easy for the ones with children either. Don’t believe me? Here is the proof. 

Couple of weeks back the other half and moi thought to take a day off to chill at home after sending our little boss lady to school. Somehow she heard our conversation and became fidgety. 

Peanut: Mamma, do I have school tomorrow?

Me: Yes, Molu. Why? Don’t you want to go to school?

Peanut: No, Mamma. I want to but……..

*not finding her Mamma’s reply fitting now turns to Dad* 

Peanut: Dadda, tomorrow don’t have fun without me.

Dad: Hmm….

Peanut: Don’t have fun with Mamma.

Dad: Okay mole.

*Peanut still not convinced goes near Dad and whispers*

Peanut: You be in this room and watch this TV and let Mamma be in guest room and watch that TV. Don’t sit with Mamma in the same room. No fun till I come back from school. 

—Deal final and sealed—

——————————————————————————————————————

This weekend we took Peanut for Disney’s new animated film UP. It was our dear friends V & G’s treat. They wanted to take Peanut for this one. G chachi is Peanut’s favorite.

Disney’s animated 3-D comedy Up

Up is undoubtedly one of the best animated films I have seen in recent times and a probable for next year’s Academy awards; best screenplay for sure. Up is the first animated picture ever to open the Cannes film festival.

The beginning could seem a bit heaving for little ones but the rest of us will find it poignant. It is a sequence which shows how protagonist Carl meets his future wife Ellie as kids and then they grow old together. Most of the sequence is purely visual without a word spoken with background music by Michael Giacchino that creates the nostalgic mood. So don’t be judging the movie because of first couple of minutes because all this will make sense later on. 

The main character is a grouchy old man Carl (Voice of Ed Asner) and how he reaches South America to fulfill what he thought was his dead wife Ellie’s desire. Along the way he is forced to take a talkative 8 year old wilderness explorer Russel with him and how something from the past puts Carl in a quandary upon reaching destination. 

I don’t want to spoil the movie for you by writing a detailed review. Summer vacation is here and a time to catch Up with your kids/little nephews/nieces. You won’t be disappointed. Just like other Pixar movies, the technical side won’t disappoint you either. 

It is a fun, epic adventure story about two age-separated explorers navigating into an unfamiliar territory. It has all the emotions of a complete good film.

Rating: 10/10

Oh, bring again my heart’s content,
Thou Spirit of the Summer-time!

– William Allingham

Thursday, 8:00 am
Mocha Moments Cafe,
Breakfast Club! 

This is the permanent entry in the diary of main characters in Debbie Macomber’s novel Thursdays at Eight. It is a story of four very different women from different age groups who meet every Thursday at eight, for breakfast- to talk, to tell their stories, recount their sorrows and joys, to offer each other encouragement and unstinting support. Back cover of the book says,

A time for emotional sustenance. A time to think about lives lived, choices made. A time for friends…

No, this is not a book review. This is about women bonding. I believe that no matter how loving your spouse is or how much of a support he is, there are times when you need your girlfriends to just chill out and totally be you. Gossip, be silly, catch a movie, have a book club or just meet for breakfasts or dinners. Just be you, the woman.

Often point in time responsibilities change us. We become daughter, wife, mother, and co-worker but cease to become us. None of these identities can be separated from us but we sure can bring our own identity to the top once a while. In our society, the general rule is that a woman adapts to husband’s side of family so from relatives to husband’s friends becomes her own. While men still keep in touch with their friends and go for short trips, women going out leaving her family behind is an unusual scene.  

Most of our movies too depict men bonding even going great lengths to sacrifice one’s love for friendship but rarely do we see women singing ‘ye dosti hum nahin todenge’. Hollywood has some good movies on women friendships and bondings and even shows like Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives. I am a fan of both shows. I don’t care how gossipy it is. Our neighborhood which is totally American except us is lot like Wisteria lane of DH; a small community. We have our Mayor living here too. Everyone knows what’s happening at neighbor’s, they welcome you with housewarming gifts,  people will be at your doorsteps to help at just one frantic phone call, if they see you home they will give you a call for Coffee or Margarita. Then the gossip sessions starts. It is fun though I don’t usually join them due to lack of time and sometimes I like being all by myself. That is kind of therapeutic for me. But the thought that I have such wonderful support nearby is great. 

The review of this novel reminded me of one of the best trips I had with my friends in college. We were a gang of five girls. The front benchers, the fashionistas, the trend-setters, the trouble makers; we fit into all descriptions. Three of us including yours truly were so notorious famous that teachers missed us even if one was missing. So imagine the upshot when five of us went missing for three working days without any notice. It so happened that all of a sudden we thought of just going away. Just five of us going somewhere and having a blast without any adults. Yes! we were above eighteen but still you know.. till you live under your parents’ roof…

This trip was necessary according to us because after college, who knows where life would take us. Que Será Será….Now the next thing was getting permission from parents. My mom had gone to Kerala so I got Papa alone. I started my emotional blackmail by reminding Papa of how studious and compliant I was during my school years (remember I was a nerd before so that came handy in manipulation) and added some bits of cinematic dialogues. Long story short, it worked. I was so convincing that Papa fell for it (love you Papa) but insisted that we need to take a teacher along. Then convincing Mom was even tougher on the phone as my mom’s saying goes ‘Mole! Nee manasil vicharikkunathinu munpu njan aakashathu kaanum or something similar’ (literal translation: even before you cook-up these stories, I have already dreamt about it). But since Papa already gave permission, my mom too agreed with the same condition of a teacher accompanying us. The same was the case for others too as our plan consisted Kodaikanal and Madurai so it was pretty far to go unassisted. So what do we do? We find a newly married teacher and promise her a honeymoon all sponsored by five of us. She was more than happy and readily agreed to tag along with her husband. Parents looted, tickets booked, hotel reserved. We were all set! 

The train journey was hilarious. There was this huge guy who loaded himself with food and snored. After a while whenever he was in deep sleep and started snoring; we blew whistle. He would look around but we remained unperturbed. He would mutter something and go back to snoring. 

Once in Kodaikanal, we settled the newly married couple in a good hotel and moved on with our plan. The trip was eventful with us taking a midnight stroll from Kurinji temple all unassisted. Next day one of the girls almost slipped into Devil’s Kitchen (Guna caves) and thankfully our driver came to the rescue. We were invited to a campfire by some Medical college group put up in the same hotel and we danced whole night and had a blast with them. On our way back we stopped at Madurai and visited almost all the temples. Madurai truly is land of temples; each with a history so unique and beautiful architecture.

It was one of the most memorable trips ever. You guys don’t want to know what happened in College the next day. Somehow we were pardoned because of our past good behavior.  . Hope that some day when I am free of my responsibilities or take some time off, I get to go on a  wonderful trip again with some of my girlfriends. 

Now after I started blogging I met so many wonderful, strong and erudite women and each one brings a different issue and solution to the table through their posts. This post is dedicated to all my real life girl friends and to my dearest blogging women friends.

I am back after my mini-break. I know most of you are already aware of these tips/tricks still there are many who have doubts and have mailed me in the past. So I thought I will post these tips here for everyone.

1. Strikethrough (Blogspot too):

To strike through a word in blogger, go to ‘edit html’ then surround the word you wish to strike out and add <s> at the beginning and end it with </s>. <s>yada yada</s>

In wordpress you have this as inbuilt feature. ABC

2. Random post click in the sidebar(blogspot too):

To let readers click a link on your sidebar to go to any random post on your blog, add a text widget in the sidebar and write this code. <a href=”enter your blog link/?random”>Read a random post from this blog</a>

3. To get blog update on your sidebar:

Blogger updates latest posts naturally but in WordPress there are two methods. One is explained by Chirag here. Another method is simpler but it works better for a small blog list. Anyways here it is (Thanks Masood),

• Widgets—>RSS—>Enter a title
• Enter the RSS feed URL here: Enter the feed url of blog you want in your sidebar
• Give the feed URL title: Give the blog a title
• How many items you want to display: Click 1 and it will update with latest post
• Display item content: It will give small summary of the post (it will take unnecessary space)
• Display item author if available: If you click this then e-mail id of the author will be visible so I won’t suggest this
• Display item date: This is what I clicked and displayed on my sidebar. (I recommend only this)

4. How to use Audio:

Click Scribd audio

5. Code error:

Free wordpress doesn’t allow javascript and that’s why after you paste a code in text widget, it disappears. Always look for HTML option and copy-paste that code.

6. How to get the top menu bar:

Go to Pages–>Add new

7. Re-arranging top menu:

If you look at the top menu here, you will see that it is not arranged alphabetically. To do that you need to go to each page then look for ‘Attributes’ to the right side of the page and you will see ‘Order’. Add the number you want the page to be displayed on the menu. ‘0′ comes first.

8. Publish a post in advance:

If you are away and still want to continue blogging then no worries. Follow these steps :-

• write your post
• edit the time and date under publish (right hand corner of post)
• click publish (your post will be published on the date and time you specified even while you are vacationing)

9. Avoid clickable e-mail ids:

E-mail ids with hyperlinks are picked up by spammer bots and soon you will start getting spams in your inbox. So instead of clickable mail ids, use chapadganju AT yahoo/gmail DOT com or generate an id using hidetext.net

10. How to add poll:

To add a poll in wordpress, click on the 5th icon next to Upload/insert. It will take you to polldaddy and if it is the first time then you will have to register (very simple) and then you are set. You can create poll—> select design—>save poll—>send to editor.

Vote for option 1 (Modesty ko maaro goli)

If you have any WP doubts, do leave it in the comment section or mail me. I will try my best to help.

1. Amar Singh on being asked about his closeness to Dutts now and alienation from Bachchans:

When I go to Mumbai I stay in Amitji’s home. I am the only Amar Singh who shares his bedroom. link

My doubt: so where does that leave Mrs. Bachchan?

2. This advertisement

Lakshmi chachi sab jaanti hai

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Anything you readers came across and thought, what were they thinking?

A conversation that happened 6 months back

Peanut: Mamma, what is slim? How does slim look? 

Me: Look at me. Mamma is slim.

Peanut: But Mamma…..you are circle.

Me:

*may be she has taken after her dad*

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Peanut planted sunflower seeds, poured water and checked it daily without fail. Then one day I found her singing to the plant,

Flower flower flower

please grow grow

Flower flower flower

please grow grow

Grow big more more more

Me: Why are you singing to the plants?

Peanut: Mamma! if plants are happy they will flower fast.

Me: Who told you that?

Peanut: I know.

Next day she kept it outside for sometime and birds came and ate all the seeds and those saplings died. Peanut cried her hearts out that day and vowed to never like any Birds ever. I am still in the process of making her love Birds. Going to get a bird feeder for the garden. The one we have hangs on the roof.

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I smelled something burning in Peanut’s room and rushed there. Didn’t find anything other than Peanut with a sheepish grin holding a soft toy.

Me: Peanut, what’s the smell?

Peanut: *sheepish grin* Hmm…..Mamma, if I tell the truth will you scold me?

Me: Peanut, you know that I won’t scold you if you tell the truth. Mamma doesn’t like lying.

*she showed me a small Elephant soft toy with burnt bum*

Me: What happened? How did you burn it?

*Peanut’s sheepish grin continues*

Then I saw her table lamp still connected and the bulb with a Black residue

Me: Why did you burn it on the bulb?

Peanut: I was checking if we can cook on bulb.

Me:

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My joker who comes up with such gems…..

brusque: Pronunciation [bruhsk; especially Brit. broosk] –adjective : abrupt in manner; blunt; rough.

Husband: Congratulations! *kiss*…….acha looks like Kamala won’t come today. Make some Breakfast and chai. Fast….

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Veena Sikri, a 1971 batch IFS officer’s advice to brilliant young women,

“do not keep quiet in the face of injustice and gender bias. Those who knowingly keep quiet are as guilty as the perpetrators of injustice.”

Edited to add: This year 3 women topped civil services which is something to be proud of but do click on Veena Sikri’s link to read the troubles she went through being in IFS.

I do. May be we evolved from Chipmunks after all and not Apes.

I attach sentimental value to almost anything and thus I hoard. As a kid I used to save every single greeting card I received. After a while my Mom had to chuck most of it because there was enough stuff to start an antique card shop with it. Hoarding is in my genes; got it from my paternal side. My Dad is a hoarder too. My mom from time to time persuades him to let go of something still there are so many things he is attached to. One such thing is a dictionary. I think it was my Grandfather’s. It is almost in what you say in Hindi…cheethade ud gaye condition still my Dad uses it to refer something. Another thing was an expensive Parker 51 pen which he kept it like a treasure and trusted only me with it. The one day I gave it to my brother and baam…he lost it. I was so sad that day. 

Now hoarding has extended to collecting Peanut’s stuff. Her umbilical cord clamp, first nail cutter, first finger brush, first milk bottle….I have every first thing of hers. The other half adds that had I kept her first soiled diaper too then the collection would be complete and I could be adjudged as the madcap mother of the century.   

The funniest thing is sorting clothes; toys and other things for donation. I find some emotional chord with it and it goes back in the box, up in the attic. Over the period, slowly, I have given away a lot of stuff but still we have lot of boxes in our attic that are yet to be unpacked. Most probably the next time we get a sight of the stuff inside those boxes is when we plan to move. We even have boxes with bubble wraps in it.

This all seems a paradox because for someone with this mentality, I have a spic ‘n’ span and neatly decorated home. Also, like to keep changing decor often. So this is a proof that I don’t suffer from compulsive hoarding and it is confined to only the things I am attached to.

Now past few weeks I felt some kind of uneasiness; a feeling that I had to get things uncluttered. I needn’t have each and everything to make memories. I can keep some and lose most. So finally after much deliberation I packed a lot of stuff up in boxes all ready for donation. I feel light. I still have a long way to go but at least this is a start.

 So how many of you want to join my hoarder’s club? What do you hoard?

I now know that no matter what anyone says about my cooking there is one individual in the whole world who thinks I am the best. This is what Peanut wrote on this year’s Mother’s Day card.

• My mom is 21 years old  *I love my child*
• She weighs 21 lbs  *See she matches my weight with age* 
• She has Brown hair
• My mom is as pretty as a dress  *According to Peanut a dress is the prettiest thing because it has laces and frill*
• For fun my mom likes to play with me
• My mom is special because she always cooks food for me. *err…….last year she mentioned that my hobby is to cook rice. *

Like most people I am one too who thinks that we don’t need special days to remember our Mother and Father still I also think that it is sweet to dedicate a day for them when we can pamper them. Isn’t it hypocrisy that those who vandalize on Valentine’s Day and call Mother’s and Father’s day a western propaganda encourages Rakshabandhan and Karva Chauth? Don’t we love brothers and husband everyday too?

When I was in school, I used to pick cards and small gifts from Archies gallery for Ma and Pa on these days and they always loved it. I have never missed wishing them on special days ever. It is something I love to do. After Peanut came into our lives, the first Mother’s Day 3 generations were in the house. Ma and I went out and got identical soft toys and gifted each other. Ma’s was on Peanut’s behalf. Peanut was barely 2 months.

This year Peanut decorated a candle holder with Blue transparent stickers and her picture. Blue because it is my favorite color. There are also cards and other cute stuff which she has kept hidden to give me when she wakes up. She put the candle holder in a magenta pouch. I found and clicked it. (Earlier I used to spy on my brother and now my daughter. Old habits die hard.)

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers around the world.

Some Calla  Lilies from our garden

On seeing too many incoming links from this blog, I clicked to check and found that someone with id ‘Not An Atheist’ is posting comments with my blog link. I know it is not a serious issue but still it is one thing to refer to a link and another to use someone else’s blog link as your own. In my opinion it is unethical. What do you guys think?

Two weeks back, OG and I were discussing similar issue on how it is easy for someone to just pick another blogger’s identity and post comments on other blogs to create confusion. I told him that no one has such spare time and also it is easy to track people, further most times writing style is also different. Still it is something to think about.

What if in future someone steals your identity and abuses another blogger? Is there any way to protect online identities? Any suggestion is welcome.

To ‘Not An Atheist’: If you need to convey something then use your own identity.

Edited to add 8 May 2009: Some of you mentioned about your posts getting plagiarized verbatim on the net. Other than copyscape now you have this new option to check text and url. Try Plagium (beta).  Once you find your post copied then you can mail that blogger or flag the blog. Also mail the support of that domain. I don’t know what else can be done. 

Mandira tagged me for a fun 1 to 10 list and I had started working on it when IHM tagged me for the same with a twist. She asked everyone to write 1 to 10 of emotional atyaachaar.

I am not someone who rants a lot. With a chatterer exterior, I still keep a lot of things to myself and try to deal with it all by myself. This list is not a revelation because my take on most things are always evident from my posts and comments. Still to make a list of 10 things which gets my goat was amusing.

1. I steer clear of the ones who crib, whine and are always pessimistic. Be it blogs or real life, I don’t like to associate with such people. It is okay to rant once a while as everyone has those moments but being pessimistic all the time! spare me. Imagine meeting such people in real life and hear them just whine endlessly. I recently stopped interacting with such a whiner in real life. They can even bring your vibrant self down with their constant whining and seeing negativity in everything. 

2. Hypocrisy esp. in politics irritates me. While some wait for an opportunity to criticize anything and everything remotely connected to Hinduism, the same people keep mum if it is about other religions. Then the explanation comes like minority is suffering for long. So in a way they are supporting a cycle which we will never get rid of. In India, there is no majority. If you take just numbers there are more followers of Hinduism but they are divided into so many castes and sub-castes that there really isn’t much which binds all of them together. Every religion is flawed. Some people have no qualms about critiquing Hindu gods even calling Lord Ram a drunkard but then go out of the way to justify the hatred in other religious books. If someone visits a Hinduism website he is tagged as a right winger but if someone is part of other religious websites then it is termed as learning and understanding their religion.

Politicians utilize such oppurtunities to create a rift between communities and sadly! most fall in their trap and start justifying the Modis and Madanis. Are we really united? Why is it that certain politicians and people are more worried about other country’s welfare than their own? Do people put their caste, language and religion before the country and countrymen?

3. I can’t be friends with people who refuse to eat at another house because they belong to other caste or religion; I can’t be friends with people who refuse an offering because it is against their religion. I can’t respect anyone who puts religion above friendship. 

4. I hate emotional manipulation. Parents manipulating children by constantly reminding the sacrifices done when they were small. I believe that well brought up children will remember it and always have compassion and respect but if one needs to remind it to children then either parenting failed or they just have heartless humans as children. Parenting according to me is selfless. It is not a chore for me. It is something I chose.  

5. Selfish children, who don’t care to call parents, forget to check on how parents are doing. Basically the ones who cut off parents from life. They can never be truthful to anyone in their life.

6. I hate over-sentimental men. You know the kinds who will talk about Ma ki roti on first date and then cry about how he was dumped by a biatch. Being sensitive is good but guys! Please don’t be sappy. Also, the kinds, married with children who pretend to be forever bachchas. The ones who say oh! I was in diapers when Humlog (Hindi show) came on Doordarshan to a colleague who is just 3-4 years older.

7. I feel sad for the ones who don’t get humor. Being serious in life is good. I am one too but having a bloated face (you are excused if you have PMS) most times and trying to put on a serious look won’t make one intelligent.

8. I avoid inviting people with unruly and discourteous children. I see some parents being proud of the way their children fling someone’s antique piece or jump on the couch. There is no point in blaming children there so better avoid such company.

9. It saddens me to see even educated people supporting social stigmas like dowry system. It is fine if parents help their children to start a life but it is pathetic when it is demanded, marriage becomes a business deal and the boy is sold to the highest bidder. Equally sad is today’s women who endorse fairness products. Priyanka Chopra’s Pond’s advt. and Sonam Kapoor’s Loreal advt. are two such examples. Both of them are already favorites and they have achieved things with that Brown skin. So why the need to whitewash self now?

10. Women who act as if they are the first to get married in the whole wide world. The ones who can’t stop talking about their dear husband. The ones who hold their husband’s hands so tightly that you can hear his knuckles breaking. The ones who only sit next to their husband and given a chance even feed him at someone’s house. I cringe seeing this PDA.

I tag: If anyone wants to take it up then please go ahead. After all who doesn’t like occasional rants.