snipers around

Cheesecake Baby in Wonderland

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:53:00 +0000

"LOL my brother mows Tim Burton's lawn!" - zannagalv

The YouTube Tunnel

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 19:03:00 +0000

shut up rude commenters this is the BEST DANCE I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE!!! SERIOUSLY AND AWESOME ROOM! PLUS U R JUST SUPER WOW! and i cant believe how peeps say u suck when i saw somebody suck peeps liked and u dont suck and they hate! stupid peeps! u r soo much
- Azicat898

snack snack snack
- R4IDZONE

Enough with the rack comments, have some respect, it's his wife
-leighann7397

Cheesecake Baby: I've been a long time gone...

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:20:00 +0000

At one point in time, this blog had so much potential...we were gonna fight for the top blog in the entire world. Then the cheesecake sat out in the hot summer sun too long and spoiled.

But there is still a chance to revive it, if only I had some blog ideas...

They've run dry...

Summer '09 has caused a massive amount of people to log off of the interwebs and log into life. Or they are just really busy, constantly checking their news feed on facebook...could be both. I'm a pessimist so I'm going to assume that all our readers are generally disinterested in what's really going on with the world, so they ignore this site for its vast amount of information.

Stay tuned....

Cheesecake Baby: STEALTH MODE!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:22:00 +0000

Cheesecake Baby: Can I get some raaaaaaanch with that?

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:02:00 +0000

So Obama goes to get a burger. We all go get burgers. We all like 'em different. That's why Fuddruckers was awesome. Look at all those non-american socialist elitists on FUDDS TV. They don't bring up 'catsup' once!

But Obama wanted Dijon. Commie fucking bastard! "Hey, OH-Bama, why don't you be a real american and get some Raaaaaaaanch on that burger?"

Medium Well? I see right through that, order it medium and our eyes will be open to your 'pinko' agenda, Barack!

And why aren't we talking about this Red Party restaurant that's a cover for the underground socialist movement? "You have dijon, you're comin' with me!"

Can't we throw a racketeering charge on these degenerates and get Giuliani on this piece.

Oooooohhhhh, American Cheese. Well played Ray's.

But wait...whats that?...Vermont White Cheddar!?!?!? Muenster?!?!?? Taleggio??!??!?

Fag-lovin' Nazi Socialist Mobsters...Don't be fooled people, this one burger is not merely a lunch date with fun-lovin' Biden, but a meeting of the minds inside the doldrums of the downfall of our country. Free Trade. Diverse Choices. Angus Beef.

Next thing you know, he's gonna be eating chinese food with Kim Jon Il.

Kim Jong Il: "You pray golf?"
Obama: "I'm more of a basketball guy."
Kim Jong Il: "Shiii."

Cheesecake Baby: Autotuned!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 22:01:00 +0000

Cheesecake Baby: Teabaggin' your brain with Communist Propaghanda

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:28:00 +0000

Yeah, that guy is talking about the DTV receiver being an O-Bama brainwashin' deeevice...I blogged about it before...and believe me, Glenn Beck coming into my living room daily in a nice clear picture is toooooootallly brainwashing...or a laxative, I haven't figured that out yet.

And that one chick did say she wanted to burn books...

So overall, I think a couple things:
A. This is not taxation without representation, this is a sore losers hang...otherwise known as a PITY PARTY! The election was 5 months ago...it's not like we are on the tail end of a 200 year totalitarian empire. We just voted...

B. This should not be happening.

C. If they can burn "Evolutionary Propaganda", does that mean we can stand in the streets burning the bible?

D. I'm building a storm shelter, and I'm going to stock it full of biscuits to go with my tea.

E. Somehow these people forgot that we could have lower taxes if they didn't want us to go around making everything illegal. The War on Drugs comes to mind...So does the War on Terror...So does the crazy fucker that went around my work and took pictures of the cars parked illegally and brought it to the police precinct...He's probably hosting a tea bag party...The government is running their lives because they want it to...WAKE THE FUCK UP, PEOPLE!

Ask and you shall receive...

Cheesecake Baby: "There will be a 70% chance of fag this weekend"

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:46:00 +0000

I watched this:

So naturally I went to the doppler radar...and all it talked about was rain...and then I remembered!

There is a gay conspiracy among meteorologists! They've been hiding the truth the whole time! Trying to sneak in with their equal rights and adopting children...Are they crazy?

We all know that us straighties are way better with children...

And Equal Rights...psssh...we already let "The Blacks" do stuff equally, now I gotta let Johnny Boner sniff my ass at work...I know he is thinking about how he wants to fuck me...GROSS!

But, in all seriousness...If we were gonna make a big deal out of this, we should've done it when Rosie O'Donnell was trying to get a kid...buuuuuuuuttttt noooooooo, we were too busy eating cheeseburgers, replaying A League of their Own, and being too hungover from the joy of Supermarket Sweep, to be able to really see clearly by the time Rosie came on.

But back to "real" seriousness...this ad is gay.

Cheesecake Baby: He's gone coouonntree!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 19:49:00 +0000

The ACM's were last night (I know, I didn't really give a shit either, but some did.) And I was watching them perched on my high pedestal, better known as my bar stool at Ruth Chris. (You have no idea how much bloggin' gets you these days.) And through the smell of my 80 dollar steak and the sting of my 25 dollar whiskey ginger, I made some observations:

(Also note, that since ACM's website is run by a donkey tied to a giant cog that runs their webserver, it will be slow today. "Technologies? I just wanna play the Opries!")

(Also note, that it is OK for you to wear a hat inside at any country event, but not in you mamma's house. "Show some respect, brother.")

-Carrie Underwood sang a song, and I'm pretty sure it looked like this:

It's possible the parachute was bigger and the kids more ethnically diverse (I'm just kidding about the second part, they were totally all white.)

-Taylor Swift - Fearless, won album of the year. But of course, didn't win anything else. Carrie took the good awards for being pretty and wearing parachutes while singing. Taylor Swift later becomes our tabloid nip-slip queen.

-Song of the Year went to 'In Color' by Jamey Johnson, further proving that the vast majority of country fans were putting stockings in front of their TV last night, hoping to get colored pictures on the movin' picture box. Thank GOD, it was on CBS or else I'm pretty sure no fans wouldn't have found it. Cause that damn Fox Channel has all dem crass jokes bout fornicatin! And don't e'en get me started on that commie NBC channel.

-Here is the winner of best video ----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvKgnkIN8C8
Again, labels fail by making things un-embeddable..."Embed, isn't dat da joke about hows you can say that after you read a fortune cookie. I don't want any part of that commie cookie."

-If you actually watched that video, you probably just woke up 2 hours later in a cold sweat and you're still looking at this blog. I'm SORRY! Here's a nice wake up pic:

She won Best New Artist for...I think singing...I'm not sure...But I'd vote for her.

-Subnote, This song and video was nominated against the above mentioned winners:

She wants to find a guy that's fucked up on pills all the time, treats her like shit, gets famous, runs a tractor into the lake on Thanksgiving, and that is adulterous. The American Love Story.

-Tim McGraw pulled out. (I just wanted to write that.)

-Apparently, based on the ACM site that took 25 minutes to load, they have a Best Casino award...which I'm not entirely sure how the HELL that award even exists at a Country Music Awards event...but, they do have some good shows coming up:

-The Ryman won Venue of the Year...for the 80th year in a row. "It's the old Opry ya'll, you can't vote against that!" Taylor Swift heard in the background going, "Is that that place downtown near Decades?"

I'll leave you with this:

"Special Cheesecake" Baby; The Blog inside the Fog: No taksies backsies!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 19:34:00 +0000

IMPEACH!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:41:00 +0000

Cheesecake Baby: What's on your mind?

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:03:00 +0000

OBAMA LIVE NEWS CONFERENCE: 8/7 Central (but we all know that central time zone is the best.)

So, I've been trollin the interwebs like mad...I got the day off (well, from real work. The demand for cheesecake has substantially dropped since the return of warm weather.)

But alas, some of you are still at work, talking on AIM and facebook statusing your asses off, so I must steal your attention away with some things that I have come to enjoy:

If you aren't reading "The Blogess", then you are missing written internet GOLD, an excerpt from an older post:
"So I was in the bathroom at Taco Cabana and someone had written “LIVE EVERY DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST” on the wall of the stall which is really horrible advice because if it was really my last day on earth I’d spend that day calling all the people who have wronged me to tell them they’re assholes. But then you’d wake up the next morning and BAM, you’re still alive and now your voicemail is filled with people yelling at you because they all got the messages you left last night. I was going to write this all on the stall but I couldn’t find a sharpie. And then like a month later you’d be at a party and you’d totally run into one of the people you called but you don’t remember telling them how much they suck because you were probably drunk because who’s going to be sober on their last day on earth? Not me, motherf’ckers. And so I’d be all “Oh hi, you!” and they’d be like “Um…didn’t you leave me a voicemail calling me a giant whorebag?” and then I’d be all “Oh. Awk-ward.” But then I’d be all, “But I mean, you are kind of a whore. You slept with my ex-fiance, remember? Whore?” Which would actually be kind of awesome. Okay, I’ve changed my mind. This is excellent advice. Expect some calls tonight, assholes."

Go to this site. Read it everyday. Don't take the internet more seriously than this:
THE BLOGESS

a comic:

This feels like it will be a familiar sight to us really soon (but I think we know what it will say, instead of Beer):

This is shot using a technique called Tilt-Shifting:

This is old, but you need to inform yourself:

Is this show any good? I like it, but I can't decide if other people will:

Don't worry, the Cheesecake hasn't gone bad...It's been refrigerated!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 23:48:00 +0000

Be amazed...

2:00AM - YouTube DJ Set

noreply@blogger.com (Kenny Bloggins) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 06:41:00 +0000

Enjoy... Weird shit that seems interesting or funny to me at 2:00AM

DREADLOCKS look like a clump of bananas made of shit and hair.

noreply@blogger.com (Sasquatch Moans) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 05:51:00 +0000

Right before I greet someone with dreads I am usually laughing at how ridiculous they look. The closer they get, the more I begin laughing and by the end I am throwing up LOL's because they look so stupid.

Cordially,

Sasquatch Moans

It's Hard Work Being Rich & Famous. Here is the Book of Secrets to Succeed

noreply@blogger.com (Kenny Bloggins) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:02:00 +0000

Look folks... You've probably come to realize that Kenny Bloggins is here for the people. I don't sugar coat anything. I tell it like it is and it is like it is told. For all of you interested in the entertainment field... I hope you are prepared for the commitment needed to succeed.

Lesson 1: Beat the shit out of your significant other. This will ensure that even if you are a no-talent ass-clown, you will at least get some face time in the press for being a violent bag of douche. You don't think this works? R. Kelly peed on a minor while videotaping it and he is still laughing all the way to the bank. Chris Brown, congratulations for being a disgrace to both music and America. Rihanna... I still like you beat-up or pretty.

BEFORE

AFTER

Moving on to lesson 2: DRUG ADDICTION:

This has worked for decades. Here is a great resource to see how many rockstars have died from various causes over the years: http://www.av1611.org/rockdead.html. No big surprise that Overdose was the #2 cause of rockstar deaths. Coming in at #1... heart attack (probably as a result of years of drug and alcohol abuse). THIS WORKS PEOPLE. The more fucked up you are, the more awesome your music sounds to people that think that music should suck, which is a lot of people and most of Europe.

Finally, lesson 3 is GUARANTEED to skyrocket you into interstellar stardom... SCIENTOLOGY

This list is a regular whos-who of famous d-bags, teabags, beanbags and doggiebags. Cruise, Brandy, Travolta, The dame that does the Bart Simpson voice, Isaac Hayes (RIP) all are on the guest list for the Scientology show. From what I can tell, Scientology is pretty easy. Fortunately, the doctrine was written by L Ron Hubbard who, appropriately made his money as a science fiction author. This "religion" screams CREDIBILITY. Get on board or get Left Behind.

HORSEHUNTER @ YOUR SERVICE

noreply@blogger.com (HORSEHUNTER) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 06:58:00 +0000

So...I got invited to blog on snipers around and I'm starting off with people that are so fucked up...that they bother me. It's a Rodney Dangerfield blog essentially.

First and foremost... THESE GUYS.

Horses don't eat cheeseburgers. Horses don't sleep in beds. And just because both of your wives left you long ago...doesn't mean you have the right to not only disregard the animal as potential prey, but to treat it like a special needs child.

THE NEW WRITERS FOR THE LATE SHOW

I finally watched the Jimmy Fallon show tonight. (or whatever it is called)and this is the funniest thing they could come up with tonight. Questlove is awesome. But unless QL actually takes over the show as a host...... Umm...sorry. I just got lost thinking about how awesome that would be.

For some reason, I spent like an hour delving into the world of the online Furry community. It's totally insane. Ranging from people who wear costumes and draw cute pictures of animals, to people who watch videos of women crushing rats with their feet. It's a colorful movement folks.

Here is a Vanity Fair article written a few years ago: http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/vanityfair/

This site is ran by someone who is probly extremely sexually repressed: http://www.godhatesfurries.com/

And apparently there is a vast amount of hand drawn furry porn passed around online: http://www.yiffstar.com/

This one is tame in comparison I promise:

Here's an online role playing site in case you are having a funny feeling at this point: http://www.furry.com/

Don't get me wrong. I love and hate many afurry animal. But I don't want to dress up like one and scratch another grown man's back.

And finally... EVERYONE WHO WORKS AT FOX NEWS
Like everyone. Every person involved. Even you're mom if she works there. Here's a few things to get you started...

Anyway...check out the doc UNFOXED and the site www.foxattacks.com

That's all for now. Next time maybe I'll pull together some useful tips pertaining to the essential pillars of horse hunting. maybe not though.
-HORSEHUNTER

Local Drunk Survives Another Year

noreply@blogger.com (Kenny Bloggins) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:51:00 +0000

Ricky Young turns 20-something soon and the party is in East Nashville this Saturday at 5 Spot. w00t

Duba Duba Duba Duba

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:43:00 +0000

(ps. for those of you that read regularly, and are looking for the weird video that was once here, it's gone. Still on Youtube, just not fit for the children. or was it?)

Guns N' Roses Reunite? NOT

noreply@blogger.com (Kenny Bloggins) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 15:51:00 +0000

I had no idea there was so much hostility in the GNR camp! Axl Rose claims that either he or Slash will have to DIE before the band reunites. Irony: Americans under the age of 40 probably would prefer that both of you die.

Read more about this nonsense here.

And the winner for 'Best Corporate Image of a CEO goes to....Michael Eisner!"

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 22:29:00 +0000

I know...I know...

I haven't written in a while, and I know you all missed me.

PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSYCHE!

Well since I know you only get your news from one source (the cheesecake), then I guess I need to update you guys on some stuff...

Jimmy Fallon is getting a late night show:

Carson Daly, a duel to the Death!

errr, I guess that battle was over before it started.

Secondly, this guy died a happy man...sure would've been nice to have that money though...

Thirdly, Mickey Rourke got jipped by Sean Penn. Because our 'mercy' Oscar for Mystic River wasn't enough apparently. At least we didn't give him one for his Child Porno, I Am Sam:

The real stars always get the girls before their famous...

But watch Rourke be inappropriate at the Independent Spirit Awards. FTW:

Seriously though, Let's get Eric Roberts in something...

Speaking of the Oscars...the Knights of the Roundtable award giving is probably the most masturbatory thing I've ever seen...

I mean really, now it's like initiation night for the Sorority.
"Hey girls, you've earned it. Lets see if the Best Actors want to go to the after party. But I'm gonna warn you, they only like doing it in the butt. But getting in with them can make you, so I'd say do it. Don't worry, it only hurts when Brando gets you."

(I tried to Embed the circle jerk, but Oscars youtube page disabled embedding, which makes absolutely no sense. I still think that they are sitting in Hollywood talking to themselves going,

"Have you heard of the internet?"

"I sure have Harvey, and let me tell you, it won't last."

"I here there is this thing called youvision that you can post home movies on."

"Hey Eisner, they want to know if I want to let people embed the video!??!"

"No way Katz, we aren't in the porn business!"

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene...

Calling All Label Execs That Were Recently Fired....

noreply@blogger.com (Kenny Bloggins) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 04:42:00 +0000

Hey! Who wants to be President of GIBSON North America?! Check out the Monster.com listing below. Does anyone else think it is weird and maybe even sad that Gibson ran this job listing on Monster.com? Thanks to Grylliade for the TIP!

http://monster.com/bitch

Stephenville, TX UFO Footage Finally Released!

noreply@blogger.com (Kenny Bloggins) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 18:22:00 +0000

Jan 8, 2008: Stephenville, TX
Does anyone remember the alleged UFO sightings in Stephenville, TX back in January 2008? Over 100 residents, doctors, pilots and cops reported seeing an object roughly 1 mile long and 1/2 mile wide hovering about 3,000 feet in the sky. After hovering for a few minutes, it flew off faster than any jet aircraft known to exist. Multiple witnesses claim to have seen military jets and helicopters chasing the unknown object. The military claims they were not involved in any way (remember Bush was still president during the incident so obviously the military is lying).

Larry King and CNN ran this story a week or so after the incident:

Nobody had any good video... until now... This is pretty convincing. The video quality, of course, isn't that great, but it sure is weird when the lights begin making symbols and changing shapes/locations. FFWD>> to 1:30 in the video to see where things really get weird.

Thanks to Steverod for this tip! What does everyone think? Real? Hoax? Just a big airplane?

Goodbye Conan.

noreply@blogger.com (Sasquatch Moans) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 20:28:00 +0000

Tonight is Conan's last show in New York.

This Sasquatch Moans sad but Monkey Tongue happy.

Jay Leno, the grey headed, pipsquek squirrel, is moving to 9:00 o'clock and into another building. Then Conan takes over later next month. THEN in turn Jimmy Fallon takes over Conan's show. Who knows how it will go but The Roots will be his house band so thats cool.

Okay gotta go get a many, pedy! TTYL

Oh and I'm totally ROFLATU

Mardi Gras is coming!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheesecake Baby) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 17:52:00 +0000