SimonOnSports

Bernard Pollard Elevated from Hero to Saint

2012-02-07T10:42:00.000-05:00

One can make the case that Bernard Pollard as an individual* has had the single largest impact on the Patriots not winning another Super Bowl. Let us take a look at how one man can take down a franchise.

2008: Ascension to HERO Status

2009: Ascension to SUPERHERO Status

2011: Ascension to SAINTHOOD

The HALO Is Present

*It's him or Eli, take your pick

Faces of Fail: Tom Brady, Super Bowl XLVI

2012-02-06T09:36:00.001-05:00

SCARY MEN ARE ABOUT TO HIT TOM BRADY SECTION

THE TIME JUSTIN TUCK TRIED TO IMPREGNATE TOM BRADY

OHHHHH SHIIIIITTTTT

SCARY MAN IN THE SHREDDER MASK MAKES TOMMY SCARED

SAD TIMEOUTS ARE SAD

FACE PALM SECTION

GAME TIME FACE PALM

POST GAME FACE PALM

PRESS CONFERENCE FACE PALM

SOMEBODY HOLD TOM'S HAND SECTION

DON'T BRUISE THE PRETTY THROWING HAND

AWWW THE REFEREE FEELS BAD FOR TOMMY

HE EVEN PATS HIS BACK LIKE A LITTLE KID

TEBOWING DIDN'T WORK SECTION

FIELD PRAYERS?

BENCH PRAYERS?

IT DIDN'T WORK FOR TEBOW EITHER

EXIT WOUNDS SECTION

JUST CHECKING THE SCOREBOARD

TOM BRADY'S JERSEY NEEDS MORE Ls

JAUNT TO THE LOCKER ROOM

SLOW WALK OF SHAME

WITNESSING A PUNTER CELEBRATE MUST BE DEVASTATING

HYNOSKI IS COMING WITH THE HUGS

TOM IT IS NOT A DREAM, SUPER BOWL LOSSES ARE REAL

SWEET BRADY TEARS TASTE DELICIOUS SECTION

PURSED LIPS, THE PRECURSOR TO THE SWEET SALTINESS

THE SWEET SALTINESS...

WELL THE WIFE IS STILL GISELLE...

BUT EVEN SHE CAN'T STOP THE SWEET SALTINESS

Oh and how about some other classic moments from Tom Brady Losing in the Playoffs like...

Last Year vs. the Jets

And of Course, Previous Super Bowl Losing Tom Brady

2011 NCAA Bowl Helmet Schedule

2011-12-19T11:38:00.002-05:00

Here is the annual Helmet Schedule for the Bowls... Got enoguh requests where I figured I'd put it out here.

Why the Intentional Walk Rage?

2011-10-25T12:18:00.000-04:00

Watching last nights game got me thinking, when did the Intentional Walk become all the rage? During the entire 162 game regular season the St. Louis Cardinals intentionally walked a total of 44 batters while the Texas Rangers intentionally walked just 21. The intentional walk is something normally reserved for a special occasion, like the pitcher is coming up next, or the winning run is on 2nd in the 9th inning and you want to set up a force play. Last night alone the two teams combined for a total of 6 intentional walks and instead of strategy it just seemed like the casual thing to do.

In some cases these walks backfired and in some cases they were completely befuddling. The Rangers decided, Fuck it, we're not pitching to Albert Pujols in any scenario. Hell we're not even going to pitch to him with 2 outs and no one on. Conveniently for Ron Washington, of the three times they intentionally walked Pujols the only time Holliday didn't do something horrific, like bounce into a double play, was this occasion. Instead he set up a 2nd and 3rd where, you guessed it, they intentionally walked another guy. I know Pujols is the best player in baseball and hit 3 homers in game 3, but 2 out no one on? Have a little faith there Ron.

The game wouldn't be complete with a little Tony LaRussa over managing would it? Instead of just pitching to Nelson Cruz, who has not been enfuego this series, he intentionally walks him to set up the double play, while that might make some sense, it also ensured that if they didn't turn the double play that Napoli was going to get up with runners on. They didn't get the double play, they couldn't intentionally walk Napoli, even though they probably would have liked to, game over Rangers.

I just have to wonder why the Intentional Walk is all the rage in the postseason yet is rarely ever utilized in the regular season. Luckily for Ron Washington it worked out for him, unfortunately for Tony Quick Trigger LaRussa, it didn't work out for him.

I am the Master of the Masters

2011-04-07T18:49:00.000-04:00

Not really, but I am tied for the 1st round lead with 13 others after round 1 in their best ball challenge.

2011 Yankee Math

2011-03-31T13:13:00.002-04:00

Oh the Red Sox fans, so cute with their addition skills. 04 + 07 = 11. It's their year. Ugh. Vomit. Ugh. I've got math too, it says "Snobby Yankee Fan, we have more championships than you. Even if 22 of them came before I was born."

Manny Ramirez Hits Blindfolded

2011-03-23T15:16:00.000-04:00

You know who doesn't need to see to hit a baseball off Roy Oswalt's head? Manny Ramirez, that's who.

World's First 2011 CIT Bracket Predictions(maybe)

2011-03-15T15:27:00.000-04:00

You think filling out an NCAA bracket is difficult? Try filling out a CIT bracket where the round 2 opponents aren't lined up or solidified and four of the teams will be chosen after round 1 to get a bye based on some selection criteria. This bracket is gonna be so so wrong.

This describes the movement. Red Arrows mean 2nd round byes. Green Arrows mean win and move to the next round.

In the end the obvious choice is Iona. They have the smallest name and was the easiest to copy and paste from spot to spot.

Create Your Own 2011 CIT Bracket

2011-03-15T14:14:00.000-04:00

Here is your 2011 CollegeInsiders.com Tournament Bracket... The creation of the bracket is incredibly fluid as not only do they actually have no hard line bracket of who will play whom next, they also have a new system in place where 4 of the winners in the first round will receive byes into the Quarterfinals and skip the 2nd round. The logic behind this is stated as "RPI ranking, strength of schedule, conference ranking and geography" so essentially who the hell knows. Each team is posted with their RPI.

2011 CBI Bracket Predictions

2011-03-15T12:44:00.000-04:00

Who wants the 2011 College Basketball Invitational Bracket? You do!

I am a massive expert of the 2010-2011 college basketball mid majors. So much so that I know that Boise State wears bright blue and bright orange uniforms and that Cobe Karl used to go there. For that reason and that reason alone, they are clearly the favorites of this tournament and as the favorite they will dominate. Duquesne/URI/Davidson meet them in the epic final four with URI falling in the 3 game series due to blinding orange.

2011 NIT Bracket Predictions

2011-03-15T12:32:00.000-04:00

BOOM Hokies. I think after 4 years of bubble time for the boys from Hokieland that Delaney and the other seniors will step up and want to leave campus with a good taste in their mouth. The other final 4 teams in MSG are Harvard (for fun), Colorado (snub #2) and Missouri State (uh, don't know why).

Album Cover....

2011-02-16T09:56:00.000-05:00

EDSBS created a game to play in your boredom. It's a random Album Cover Generator. Here's my result...

"Former Latino boy band star Gabino Velasco spiraled into uncontrollable drug usage once his former band disassembled. After years of battling both heroin and cocaine addictions, Valesco is back searching for a new path to stardom. His solo debut "Stop Doing and Concentrate on Being" is a blend of Nu Metal and Latin Reggae which is sure to top the Mexican charts"

One of These Things Is Not Like the Others

2011-02-15T13:02:00.000-05:00

Who Invited Joe Blanton to the press Conference?

Ranking the 2011 SI Swimsuit Rookies

2011-02-15T12:24:00.001-05:00

The 2011 SI Swimsuit Edition consists of 5 different rookies. The combination of the five, makes up this years entire body paint section, which means some good pictures. Of the five all of them are beautiful, but one is hands down the winner when it comes to rookie of the year.

5. Shannon Click: Blond, tall and very skinny. Beautiful obviously but in a slender athletic way.

4. Alyssa Miller: The next three is basically drawing straws. All three are blond all have similar physiques. Alyssa gets #4 cause when I see her I think Angelina Jolie a bit which, I just might be the only heterosexual male that thinks that she is attractive but not extremely attractive.

3. Izabel Goulart: Izabel gets #3 for me cause she resembles Alexandria Ambrosio, which is high compliment, but not overly unique.

2. Kenza Fourati: I think she gives off a mysterious french european vibe that screams at you.

1. Kate Upton: The pictures pretty much speak for themselves. She's 18 and if she doesn't wind up on at least one SI cover during her career I will be absolutely shocked.

2010 Rookie Rankings
2009 Rookie Rankings
2008 Jessica Gomes = Yum

Do You Know Your 2011 Swimsuit Models?

2011-02-14T22:36:00.001-05:00

The SI Swimsuit Edition comes out tomorrow and there are 17 ladies rumored to be in the edition. Let's see just how well you know them.

know_a_swimsuit_model

Try Out Other Trivia
SI Swimsuit Models
SI Swimsuit Athlete Addition
Fat Football Coaches Silhouettes
Lefty Hitters Silhouettes
To The Rack Silhouettes
The Ladies of Jeter
Bodies of the WTA
And More

Finding the 2011 CarGo: What did CarGo's 2009 / Spring Stats Say?

2011-02-13T10:57:00.000-05:00

In 2010 Carlos Gonzalez was a hero to all of his fantasy owners. He paid out his owners who likely drafted him above the 10th round a pay day of #1 on the player rater. In all likelihood this will not happen this season, but let us take a look at some of the names who might generate some buzz and have the potential to join the ranks of the top 10.

Before we get into whom may wind up being the CarGo of 2011, let us first take a look at any of the indicators for the breakout campaign that he may have given us during the 2009 season and the 2010 spring which.

Finishing Off Strong / Figuring It Out
Post AllStar: 62 Games, 42 Runs, 10 DBs, 12 HRs, 24 RBI, 11 SB, .384 OBP, .608 SLG%, .320 BA

Playoffs: 4 Games, 5 Runs, 2 DBs, 1 HRs, 1 RBI, 2 SB, .632 OBP, .882 SLG%, .588 BA

One thing that I always try to look at (and sometimes it bites me in the ass Josh Towers 06), is how a younger player finishes off the season. For Carlos Gonzalez the 2009 season was two stark differences. In the first half he didn't play often (just 27 games) and in the games he did play he didn't do all that well. Sometime thereafter everything clicked for CarGo. In the month of August he went on a tear and hit .371. His 2nd half numbers overall projected out to a 25/25 season with a .300 plus average. In addition his postseason series against the Phillies showed that the pressure wouldn't necessarily buckle him, but rather could spark him to greater success. Obviously the risk is that he wouldn't have a continued hot streak throughout the 2010 season, but in 2009 he showed what was possible. He showed he could sustain great numbers for at least half a season and in the playoffs. He showed the potential for 5 category numbers and together with his history as a top prospect would could legitimately project a breakout campaign.

Spring Stats
19 Games, 10 Runs, 8 DBs, 2 HRs, 13 RBI, 4 SB, .391 OBP, .576 SLG%, .339 BA

Spring stats aren't quite the biggest thing to be jumping up and down around or take too seriously, but its a nice bonus when someone in March is swinging a hot bat. Last year CarGo was healthy, very important factor, and hit nearly .340 with plenty of extra base hits. It was simply a nice little continuation of his conclusion of the 2009 season. The combination of the two had to give some confidence that in 2010, CarGo was at least a 5 category contributor with the potential to be a the stud he was to become.

The History of Super Bowl Squares

2011-02-01T14:53:00.002-05:00

Super Bowl Boxes are a glorious way for you, on one day during the calendar year, to gamble with your office mates or buddies (and unlike March Madness this requires zero skill or thought at all). Chances are you at this very moment have a spreadsheet on your computer or a print out on your desk that has your name in a variety of boxes. You are sitting there looking at each box likely thinking "OH COME ON 2-5? What kind of BS is that?" or you are celebrating a glorious number like 0-3 or 0-7. Well, how about we delve into the 44 year history of the Super Bowl and take a look into just exactly what has hit.

1st Quarter

The First Quarter's distribution can be defined by 1 word, "boring". Out of 100 boxes only 13 have come up in 44 games. 10 of which wound up at 0-0 which is the most likely combo to get some form of payout. In addition, 10 games have finished at 3-0 and 8 at 7-0. In other words, if you don't have a 0-3-7 combo, than you can just about count out the first quarter. 1-2-5-8-9 have all yet to join in on the 1st quarter party. All of this explains why for the most part the winner of the 1st quarter gets paid out the least.

2nd Quarter

The second quarter provides a lot more distribution than the 1st quarter but still it is not all that exciting. Halftime and zero are very much on a collision course. 24 of the 44 Super Bowls have consisted of at least one zero in the score line.

3rd Quarter

The 3rd quarter is when numbers start flying around a bit. You get a few in the 9s, a few in the 8s, hell even some 5s get involved. But again the mainstays of boxes climb through. The 7s and 0s continue to rein supreme.

Final Score

When looking at the Final Scores it's obvious that it has the most diversity of any of the quarters. The largest pairing combination is 7-4 and that has happened under 10% of all Super Bowls. The one thing that kind of suprises me is that at no point in any Super Bowl has their been a 0-0 finale, so while getting 0-0 has a good chance of getting you an early pay date, it's not going to bring you home the big prize.

Overall Payout

Here is what I would calculate as the "Final Payout". These numbers were calculated with the following per quarter payout 1st: 10%, Half Time: 25%, 3rd: 15%, Final Score: 50%. The Red squares have zero action, zero payout, in 44 years. The Green Squares have ample payouts (with the 7-0 combo being numero uno). The Yellow Squares are decent and the White Squares have at least one payout in 44 years.

Random Notes
~44 Super Bowls * 4 Quarters = 176 Squares Hit
~45 of the 100 number combinations have never once hit.
~2s, 5s, and 8s are pretty much a death combination regardless of what they are paired with. If they are paired with each other you might as well just throw the sheet out.
~John Elway led the Broncos to back to back Super Bowl losses in the 80s. In each of those 8 quarters his team finished with a 0. The Broncos scored 30 points in the 2 games, ethey scored 10 points in 3 seperate quarters.
~Super Bowl V would have been a very boring squares as the numbers were (0,3), (6,3), (6,3), (6,3).
~Finally the below chart shows how much payout there would have been if you had a 1000$ pool per Super Bowl every year.

Creating a 2011 Taco Bell Super Bowl Commercial

2011-01-28T15:55:00.000-05:00

Taco Bell is currently in the news for being sued over their fake beef. They have fought back with a full page newspaper ad saying their beef is 88% percent BEEF and 12% secret. Since I don't think a pansy one page newspaper ad with the guts and heart of Jay Cutler will be enough, I present to you the Taco Bell 2011 Super Bowl Commercial.

It Starts with a Trip in a Limo to a Mystery Location (Yes it's the Stupid Dominoes Ad)

To Some Random Feed Lot in Mexico...

"Do You Think Taco Bell Wants You to Know What Their Beef is Made of? Do you Think you DESERVE to know what kind of Cow they Use? Well I have a surprise for you..."

"Boom, Kenny Mother Fucking Powers loves tacos"

"Ahhhhh the mullet, the Jheri curl juice, in the sauce?"

"Shut up bitch and give me a blow job... Oh my lines. You know what's more powerful than a Kenny Powers Fastball?"

"Fucking nothing that's right, but this comes close..."

"...Fucking Bolt Gun and then bam... IN YOUR TACO. DELICIOUS"

The 2010 Playoffs Are About Revenge

2011-01-24T11:56:00.000-05:00

In life there is often no bigger motivator than a previous failure and the desire to overcome it. The Human thirst for revenge and vengeance is an unending chain in our DNA. In this years playoffs, nothing has defined it more so than revenge.

Wildcard Round

January 24th, 2010: AFC Championship Game, New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts
In Rex Ryan's season the Jets managed to shock everybody, not only by backing into the playoffs but by pulling off two road upsets to set up 60 minutes for a potential trip to the Super Bowl. It was not to be as the Colts and Peyton Manning led a swift comeback to put to 09 Jets where they belonged, not in the NFL Title Game. This loss stuck with Rex the entire season and resulted in a "This is Personal" theme prior to gameday... New York Jets 17 - Indianapolis Colts 16

November 21st, 2010: Seattle Seahawks at New Orleans Saints
The Seahawks in the midst of their swan dive went into New Orleans in late November and came away with a 15 point loss. Prior to their WildCard playoff game, the Seahawks both had that taste of defeat coupled with the fact that no one thought they deserved to be playing in the game or had any chance of coming out the victor. Seattle Seahawks 41 - New Orleans Saints 36

Divisional Round

October 3rd, 2010: Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Baltimore Ravens
The Ravens went into Heinz field as the favorites. They lined up the Steel Curtain at the perfect time, one week prior to the return of their suspended quarterback and they struggled to a tightly contested victory. The Steelers were able to avenge the loss later in the regular season in Baltimore, but they still had something to prove on their home turf. Pittsburgh Steelers 31 - Baltimore Ravens 24

November 28th, 2010: Green Bay Packers at Atlanta Falcons
Matt Ryan and the #1 seeded Falcons were unbeatable at home. In Matty Ice's career they had lost just one game in the dome and on November 28th he would not find his second. Even with the Packers scoring the tying touchdown with just 56 seconds to play, their defense could not stop a drive that ended up with the game winning field goal for Atlanta. Unfortunately for the Falcons, Matty Ice's home record was about to take a down turn. Green Bay Packers 48 - Atlanta Falcons 21

October 17th, 2010: Chicago Bears vs. Seattle Seahawks
Prior to the halfway mark of the season the pundits were still a bit unsure of where these two teams fit into the landscape of the NFL. The Bears had some impressive wins but laid a gigantic egg against the Giants in prime time. The Seahawks were a mediocre team that no one thought was particularly good but was still at least .500. On this day however the Seahawks clearly looked the better team, beating Cutler to a pulp and recording 6 sacks and the W. Three Months later, Cutler's jersey would look sparkling and clean.
Chicago Bears 35 - Seattle Seahawks 24

December 6th, 2010: New York Jets at New England Patriots
On December 6th, the Jets and patriots were supposed to be engaged in an epic clash for the division. Both teams were 9-2. Both teams were in the discussion for best team in the NFL. A win for either would position them for a first round by. It was supposed to be a close encounter. It was a debacle. A debacle which again made it it "Personal" for Rex and in turn quite possibly the biggest revenge game of them all. New York Jets 28 - New England Patriots 21

Championship Round

September 27th, 2010: Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears
Just three weeks into the season and in prime time, the Packers were Super Bowl front runners and the Bears were an after thought. The Packers however decided that the yellow on their uniform needed a lot of friends, 18 little yellow flags to be exact. The Bears took advantage and took the division and despite, like the Steelers having avenged the game in the regular season, the Pack still had something to prove at Soldier Field. Green Bay Packers 21 - Chicago Bears 14

December 19th, 2010: Pittsburgh Steelers vs. New York Jets
On December 19th the New York Jets were reeling. They had just lost back to back division games and were in danger of backing their way out of the playoffs. They needed a victory, and seconds after the coin toss they were handed the momentum via a Brad Smith kickoff td return. The Jets were able to hold on in the final seconds for the W, however come January 24th things would play out differently. For the first time the Jets did not have the revenge factor on their side, instead the revenge factor lay in the hands of their opponent. Pittsburgh Steelers 24 - New York Jets 19

Bart Scott Can't Wait...

2011-01-24T11:01:00.000-05:00

Bart Scott Can't Wait...

...To Get Stiff Armed

...To Fall Down

..To STUFF MENDENHALL

...UH OH, Maybe Not

...To Watch Mendenhall Drag Me Into the Endzone

...To Watch Big Ben Fake Hand the Ball off to Me

...To Watch Big Ben Do the Endzone Strolling

What Should Brett Favre Do?

2011-01-20T09:04:00.000-05:00

He should definitely send pictures of his purple helmet to Roger Goodell as a thank you for not suspending him.

Why Does Venus Williams Look Like a Basket?

2011-01-19T12:48:00.000-05:00

"Hi, I'm Venus Williams. My sister has won 5 Grand Slams since the last time I won one, however I continually beat her in the ludicrous outfit category. Remember the nude shorts. Well now I bring to you... a woven basket on my stomach!"

Faces of Fail: Mr. Tom Brady 2011

2011-01-18T09:52:00.000-05:00

Preparing to Fail, Tom Brady Fail

GNAR MY TEETH, Tom Brady Fail

Don't Touch Me Big Man, Tom Brady Fail

:( Boo Hoo Sad Face, Tom Brady Fail

On Bended Knee, Tom Brady Fail

Sulking Tom, Tom Brady Fail

OH COME ON, Tom Brady Fail

KAPOW, Tom Brady Fail

How's My D*** Taste, Tom Brady Fail

The Scoreboard is Wrong, Tom Brady Fail

Staring into the Abyss, Tom Brady Fail

Good Game Tom, Tom Brady Fail

Leave Me Alone Nacho, Tom Brady Fail

It's Ok Big Guy, Tom Brady Fail

It's Time to Change the NFL Seeding Policy

2011-01-04T13:57:00.000-05:00

Let me get this out of the way first and foremost. As a Jet fan it is mildly annoying to me that despite having a superior record than both the Chiefs and Colts they are relogated to the #6 spot and a road playoff game thanks to being in the same division as this man (I hate you). With that being said, let me present to you the biggest reason why it is time for the NFL to change their seeding policy, and it is not "Boo Hoo the Jets don't get a home game" sour grapes.

The NFL in Week 17 was and is always littered with absolutely positively MEANINGLESS football.

1) The Eagles had clinched the 3 Seed and a Home Playoff Game.
2) The Jets had clinched the 6 seed and a Road Playoff Game.
3) The Chiefs had clinched the division and a Home Playoff Game.
4) The Saints had clinched the 5 Seed and a Road Playoff Game.
5) The Bears had clinched the 2 Seed and a 1st round bye.
6) The Pats clinched the #1 seed.

Of those 5 games, the Jets and Eagles didn't even remotely attempt to win. The Eagles sat Vick, McCoy, and DeSean Jackson. The Jets sat Sanchez, LDT, Shonn Greene, Revis and Cromartie. The Saints put up a decent fight against Tampa, but they still sat Colston and pulled Brees in the 4th quarter. Quote Drew Brees “We did the right thing, the smart thing. And that’s part of the reason why some guys didn’t play today when they probably could have." The Chiefs were playing for the 3rd seed rather than the 4th seed but for the most part their team didn't show up on sunday. The Bears in somewhat surprising fashion decided to play the entirety of their roster from start to finish. Finally in any format the Pats would have already clinched the #1 seed so whom cares.

Now With Reseeding

Now say we flip flop the way the NFL does seeding. Say we lock in all 4 division winners as playoff teams but could theoretically slot the Wild Card teams anywhere from #2 through #6. What would that have done to Week 17 of the NFL season.

The New Orleans Saints and Chicago Bears would have played meaningful football this weekend because both teams would have been playing for that #2 seed in the NFC. The Saints almost certainly would have played Colston and a few others who sat out to rest up for the playoffs.

The Eagles would have been locked into the 4 seed behind Atlanta, New Orleans and Chicago, so they would have sat everyone still.

The Jets and Chiefs would have been competing for a 1st round home game. If both won they would have gone head to head in a tie breaker (edge Jets). If both lost they would have gone head to head with the Colts in a tie breaker (edge Jets/Colts into big tie-breaker).

By keeping the division winner involved in the playoffs, the Seahawks vs. Rams game would still have been meaningful.

The Result

Week 17 quite frankly has become one of the worst weeks of the NFL season. Sure there are games of utmost importance, Bears vs. Packers, Seattle vs. St. Louis, etc. but there are also a handful of games that are in effect glorified preseason games. As a result of allowing the seeding the be more fluid, not only do you get a fairer playoff system (7-9 Seattle hosting a playoff game is ludicrous, we can all agree to this), but you get teams in week 17 in most circumstances more likely to play their superstars. A scenario which I think we can all agree on.

10-11 NCAA Bowl Game Helmet Schedule

2010-12-08T17:01:00.000-05:00

Well the Bowl season is here so what better way to kick off the season with a nice Helmet Schedule of all the games.

Click on the Image to Enlarge