Sid-O-Scope

The stupidometer of Astrology, Aakash and ATM

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Mon, 28 May 2012 07:22:49 PDT

Life, as they say is like an ATM center, you put in your hard earned money into the bank and the outlet waits for you day and night to return your own hard earned money. Sometimes occasionally it refuses to give out certain amount for the lack of it, sometimes you ask for a thousand and all it can give you out are little hundreds.

In India there are lots and lots of ATM centers scattered across the place, right from petrol pumps to residential complex to shopping malls. The ATM center remains standing waiting, temping for users to use it, withdraw some cash, buy some ice cream or even eat Gol Guppa, Fuchka or a Pani Puri. No wonder you always find a line in front of an ATM center.

There is a class in people who tend will visit the astrologer more than they visit the temple. They will sit in front of all the babas and listen to them more attentively than they will do for their own bosses. If I were a astrologer and someone asked me what would be the safest profession in the future, I would directly predict astrology. It does not take a seer to know that there will be people who are scared at any given point of time.

Thus I was not surprised when my friend walked to me with depressed face, "This cannot be happening..." he said.
"Is everything alright?" I asked, knowing that the person who was depressed had received a promotion this cycle and was supposed to go onsite to his dream city soon.
"You know, how everything is going perfect but it won't?" he asked.
"Was your VISA rejected?" I asked consoling him as if I had nothing better to do, "Or did they stop your promotion?"
"No no," he said, "everything is fine in my professional life, its just that my mom..." he paused to take a deep breath.
"Everything is fine at home? what happened to your mom," I replied, recollecting the recipe for tea, incase I have to offer him as consolation.
With a deep breath he explained, "My mom just consulted with our family astrologer who says if I do not donate 3 kgs of bananas in our village with my own hands my flight to onsite will crash in the middle of the sea..." he started sobbing, "Now tell me man, I have to fly next week, how am I going to go to my village and offer the bananas?"
Forget the tea, I simply gave up complete hope and walked out of the room. Ignorance is such a bliss.

The local astrologer one day sent a message through my parents that there was some trouble of snake in my life. He went on to explain that if the ritual is not complete I won't receive any promotion in my career. I got promoted in a week after his message, to which he said, it will stop sometime.

Wasn't there one such seer who scammed people of their salary in leu of giving them advice? Turns out he did give them advice as promised, but only people who had false hopes about him never saw their wishes coming true. I was half minded going there but then I trusted the good old reliable wishing well, who still charges one buck.

There is another thing happening in India which is crazier that an astrologer. It is a new concept called Aakash, the cheapest tablet in the world. Designed by some of the geniuses in this country this new concept will revolutionize everything in this country... or not. The tablet is sheer stupid, slow and buggy. If there is a person who will find use to it is if he doesn't touch it. However, if you talk about it people will say, 'Heh, for 2k bucks what are you expecting?'
Well I agree you are building a cheapest tablet, but hello, the genius engineers of this country, build the cheap tablet in terms of money and not cheap quality.

The local ATM center was filled with people. After waiting for three minutes in line, I decided to pop inside the ATM center and check whats the hold up. The person inside was cusing the ATM to be broken beyond repair. He also screamed loudly at the guard about how he was going to report this to someone and so on. When politely asked to move aside, he fumed at me. On closer inspection at the ATM center, it turned out, this was a different model that the rest and it asked for a screen validation check before withdrawing. I removed my money and walked from the ATM, not turning behind or looking at the angry man or the angry mob outside the ATM who were waiting in line for sometime. The ATM was perfectly fine, what was not fine was someone inside the box.

Somethings don't change. Somethings don't shift, they are constant. On the stupidometer of life, there will always me someone who outcrossed everyone on the way up. There will be someone stuck inside the ATM cusing at the machine even though it is his attitude there is broken. Everytime there will be fear, there will be God and everytime there will be God there will be an astrologer holding a ticket to the gates of heaven. People will still believe in cheap thrills by just passing by, like scoring a 94% in exam is more essential that learning what was thought.

But these things, make life interesting. If not for these little stupid actions, this blog will never survive, neither will we, shall we?

How smart would it be to preorder Samsung Galaxy SIII?

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Wed, 23 May 2012 11:25:09 PDT

Those who still are living on caves or apple trees should know, the next big thing is already here. Breaking all the past records the ultimates smartest phone on this galaxy has landed. Its not just a fruit, its not a cherry, its the entire Galaxy the third. Samsung Galaxy S3.

When I say it is here, I do not mean somewhere in the first world country or some distant land far far away where Indians wait in queue for thousands of years, nope, I mean in India.

Samsung Galaxy S3 is coming in India. They say early adopters are someone special, you can be one just like me. All it takes is 2000 bucks and a little courage to do something, 7 million others won't be doing. You can prebook the galaxy, right away.

Prebook your own Galaxy S3 by paying only 2000 bucks at the new Samsung India Estore and then pay the rest when the phone is launched in India. Simple. The phone lands on your doorstep in 3 days and a million days before others realize there is a phone smarter than them.

What is more, Samsung India assures you a free gift with every prebook. Now some thing for the OMFG people, Samsung Galaxy S3 comes packing with loads of stuff like S-Voice, S-Beam, Smart Alert and so on. It has a 8mp camera and a 1.9 mp front camera.

Whats more Android market is filled with stuff to download and enjoy when you are travelling in the bus for longer distances (unless of course you are a politician or his relative driving a car, in which case you are not that smart to own this phone)

Don't wait a single minute and rush in to preorder Samsung Galaxy S3.

Truth Alone Triumphs

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Tue, 08 May 2012 08:08:02 PDT

Truth is overrated. Truth alone itself manifests as the supreme thing above everything, multiple religious dogmas claim that 'Only the truth can set you free' and almost every supreme court in this world is built on the foundation of 'truth alone triumphs'.

However, with this human obsession of truth, there is one harsh reality out there waiting for us. In Hindi there is one saying, 'Truth is always bitter,' which is as true as it can get. Rationally speaking, truth is as bitter as anything human does. We are a civilization build on the foundation of lies and deception and truth is something that will haunt us.

Its a harsh reality of it all, to build a society, we need lies. Everything cannot be told to everyone. Our own appointed government wants to keep secret from us, which is fair, for they do not know which person would harm us all and who wouldn't. Parents have to lie about Santa Claus or Easter Bunny or in most part of India, Bagulbua, the monster of darkness or the kids will have to face the reality, life is boring as it is and there is nothing exciting than history class to wake up too.

Why am I taking truth today? On Sunday, the entire world was glued to another reality Television show called, 'Satyameva Jayate' or 'Truth Alone Triumphs' by Amir Khan. Since, then twitterverse and the universe is buzzing with people supporting the show and calling it an eye opener for all.

The show was beautifully composed with some mothers re-accounting the horrors of female foeticide and how their mother in law kicked the new born girl babies. Then a social worker re-accounted that it all started in the 70s when people wanted boy child better than girl and so on. The show then concluded about the case of two journalist who raised a sting operation at many doctors who conduct sex determination test and secretly abort the girl child. I have nothing to comment on the show itself but on the topic of the show, female foeticide.

While the show was hard hitting and touching, it failed to touch the harsh reality of the issue, the crux of the topic in itself.

The real reason why female foeticide is prevalent in India, arrange marriages. Was it deliberate on the part of the show or was it avoided, cannot be known, but its the harsh reality of all.

Why don't parents need a girl child? What is it that is so special about the gender? Move over gender stereotypes that barbie doll definitely costs more than a car or that there are more than a dozen products for specially caring for their hair, not to mention a ten thousand bucks only to cut those tresses. But no, the reality is much more harsh,

With a girl child comes a social stigma on the one day twenty to twenty five years later, when she will be decorated, paraded and traded to be serving as a all in one sexual object, maid and a substitute mother for the male. The family of the groom can show as much as attitude towards the family of bride and they have to bear it. The family of the bride have to pitch in everything they own to buy her jewelry which she will not be needing anytime soon. And all in all, the fact that during the old age the girl won't be available as their insurance policy is killing the parents during her birth.

As a society we have reached an impasse that killing oneself or your children or your daughter in law is deemed honorable and better that a simple divorce. Woman decide to kill themself out of shame inflicted on them by our culturally rich society, you know in this case I am glad the girl was never born.

Suicide rate is much higher in our country yet, most of indians are alarmed at the increase in divorce rate.

This problem is not going to get solved by a clever programming of show or running a sting operations on doctors. It is not the doctors who suggest dropping the girl child, it is the medieval idea that a marriage is the ultimate goal in a persons life or a girl is someone else that are the culprits here. But however the clever programming nor the reporters will decide to go there, because there lies a pandora box sealed shut ages ago and no one wants to open.

They will decide to live in denial that this is not true, that arrange marriage is safest form of marriage out there and success rate of 94% in arrange marriage is tried and tested.

However, behind those close lid lies the truth, that very few people actually want to face, that arrange marriage is a virus on our society. 94% success rate is complemented by an equal suicide rate or marital rape rate or even female foeticide rate.

Till then time comes when the pandora box remains shut and hope that one day, indeed the truth shall set us all free.

Quick Bytes: Moving On

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Fri, 04 May 2012 09:58:47 PDT

Moving On

And just like that he walked away....not looking back. Every step he took forward he knew there were bridges burning behind him but he dared not look back. For there lay the past that was good, happy and even better but he needed more. He needed to challenge himself to turn out good even better. He needed a fair fight and he needed it fast. Every step he took forward was a step that would be his last. But he did not care, he just kept moving, moving not looking if someone was asking to stop, not looking if they will miss him, not turning back even if it was good. He just kept moving. Forward.

There Are Two Things You Should Know About Samsung Galaxy Y Duos Smart Phone

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Thu, 03 May 2012 13:37:10 PDT

That day she felt a silent tremor rising on the exterior of the crust. It was uncanny as if millions of voices where silenced somewhere in the deeper part of this planet. It was everywhere the silent monster was growing out of plain sight and she was stuck in the dilemma if she should go on and investigate the disturbance on the planet or go to potty first. Well it was a valid dilemma you see, does she follow the early morning ritual since the dawn of time or follow this new thing that would end till dusk of time, "The cable went out..." answered her smug little boyfriend eating an apple.

"A package has arrived..." he said as smugly as he was handling his *ahem*phone.
"Why do you keep getting this Samsung phones, be classy, be creative..." he said simply pointing out his *ahem*phone.

The package was about Samsung Galaxy Y duos, Samsung first entry in the range of Dual Sim Android phone. The power of Android now comes with flexibility of using two sim cards. You know that nagging sensation when the dirtiest service provider has the best data plan and the worst provider with the best data plan has a telephone network that won't work in the loo. Yep, it happens, along with the loo it also doesn't work on the street, highway and whatever but it has got a good data plan. Sweetest infact.

Every human being has a choice in his life, should he buy a service with good network connection or the one with good data plan. The horror of any first time android user is sudden surge in bill at the end of the month.

"Samsung Phones lacks the wow factor," claimed the smug looking friend eating an apple, "You need class, you need style..."

"I need to go to the bathroom to powder my face or whatever," she announced to no one in particular.

He glanced at the box lying on the desk and had a quick glance at his *ahem*phone. What harm can the phone do to him. He smugged and put on the pot of coffee. The phone was inviting him but he denied, they are just copy cats he said. The phone pulsed and buzzed but he refused, he would not bend, he would not cave, he could not... oh it has dual sim.

"Two sim cards in one phone, one can be used for better 3G plan and other for just calls. Imagine the possibilities with it. It has live wallpapers, wow for such a small phone it does pack a lot. Oh but the *ahem*phone apps are much more classier, but then there are so many free apps on Android platform. But what is this? Ch@t on, a special chatting app only for Samsung Users. And then this Handy is a single point application where users can search, book and pay for flights, trains, buses, movie tickets, create
their own stock portfolio /get real time stock price and stay updated on latest in business news, search
a restaurant by cuisine and even reserve a table for themselves. The My Reader app which gives access to 30,000 books from Landmark for free. Free? This even has a Mobile TV app.

He could see little versions of angel and devil on his back. His dilemma was flushed by the flush he heard at the washroom. Quickly he composed himself and took to standing near the kitchen.

She glanced at the new package and then at him, he was smug as his *ahem*phone, "Listen there buster," she exclaimed, "There are two things you should know about Samsung Galaxy Y duos, first, it is the first android based dual sim phone available in the market, which means it has got the power of using two phones at the same time without struggling to juggle between them like bonzo the clown," she exclaimed he was already impressed but she was busy fondling with her phone, "And second, it has the worlds most powerful multitasking, open source and amazing operating system Android Gingerbread. It has got good apps, cleaner interface and slick new ways of doing things your *ahem*phone can never do..."

"But I... I..." words fell short of his mouth, he was about to say he agrees but his mortal dilemma won't allow him to do so.

She smiled picked up her Samsung Phone and walked out of the room. There are two ways of winning an argument with a woman, he thought, none of them work.

P.s. If you are excited about the game, Samsung India is offered 20 free Samsung Galaxy Y Duos phone. Don't miss your chance of playing the game.

The Greatest Battle Ever Fought

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 11:30:44 PDT

"Ceaser," screamed the messenger as he ran inside the palace. Ceaser was busy painting on the canvas silently as he looked up at the messenger. He was the ceaser he had to keep it together, "What is it?" he said calmly.
"At the gates," the messenger screamed, "At the gates...."
The messenger was unable to speak, something was wrong at the gates. Something that terrified the poor soul.

Ceaser peacefully continued drawing the circle on the canvas when he realized, the bugles were blowing. Enemy was at the gate. The bugles were blowing very hard for it was not an ordinary enemy, it was him. It was the barbaric Huns. It was The Hun, he who would not be named.

The messenger from the corner of his eye clearly saw the circle ceaser was drawing was no longer a perfect circle but said nothing. It was not his position to say anything. The ceaser felt his hands trembling and he lost his concentration, this was it, every ceaser before him had wished that this day wouldn't come in their tenure and it didn't, how lucky they were.

He took a deep breath, this thing came with power, he told himself. The roman empire was glorious with centurion army glorified as the best weapons humans could train. The centurions had returned victorious from many battles glories and undefeated but one battle they could not defeat.

The battle with the Huns on the Balkans region of Eastern Roman empire was enough warning of what would happen if the Romans decided not to pay tribute to the Huns. The ceaser had to keep it straight, the messenger was waiting. He took a deep breath.

"Send him in," Ceaser ordered and kept it cool.
The messenger obliged and walked outside.

Ceaser got up from the seat and kept himself composed. He was the king of the most glorious empire in the world, he had to keep it together. What would his enemies say if he was afraid of the Huns? What would his soldiers say if he was afraid of The Hun?

"Hello king," said The Hun as he stepped into the chamber smirking, "How are you today?" it was a taunt, The Hun was playing.
"Pray, speak, why do you seek my audience? Have we not paid you enough to keep outside the borders?" he asked.
"You have, oh King," The Hun smiled, "But I came nevertheless to inform you that last tribute you send was less than what you bargained. We have grown as a tribe, we need more tribute or we go to war."

Ceaser looked at his enemy and gave it a thought, "Your biggest undoing is your overconfidence. I do not pay tribute to you because I am afraid of you, I pay tribute for I do not wish to make any more widows and orphans in my kingdom and yours. You are a barbaric horde, you know nothing of fianese and art. You fear your own commanders for one day they will kill you and take over your horde and pride just as you did."

The Hun looked flabbergasted where was the king getting his strength from? There was no fear in ceasers eyes, there was no shame.

"I will not increase your tribute, you have suffered as much loss as I have on the battle of Utus. I made a strategic retreat to prevent any further loses. I cannot let any more widows and orphan over your barbaric urges but I also cannot keep on increases wages for your whims and your mood. So here is it," said the Ceaser, "I refuse to pay you increases wages and if you wish to attack the kingdom, do it then. But remember, the blood that would be shed, Huns and Romans will be on you..."

The Hun looked at the Ceaser in contempt, was this another strategy or was it real? Was the Ceaser really not afraid of him, he considered his options, he could go into war. But even last time he had suffered heavy loses. The Ceaser smiled, he had lost the battle but won the war.

He had planted the seed of distrust in The Hun mind, he knew for sure that in a few days the war would begin but this time the war could be won for the great commander of forces had a weak spot now. The commander was no longer over confident of his victory. It was the great battle ever fought and it was inside the enemies head.

The Hun stormed out the cabin into the wild in complete anger. When the messenger stepped inside, he saw the Ceaser had resumed his painting. The strokes were strong and bold with confidence, Ceaser looked at his messenger and smiled, "Pass on my message will you?" he said.

"Prepare for war..."

Note: This story is ENTIRELY fictitious. Have taken two classic armies in the history of mankind, one known for barbaric bravery and the other known for fianese killing.
Ceaser is the title given to king in ancient Rome imperial generals.

Thirty days challenge returns

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 08:13:07 PDT

Life is one monotonous humdrum of humdrums. We spend our entire life living in one room inventing new ways of moving to another. We want to do everything easily, simply and with minimum effort which is good until all we are left with is only efforts.

If you ask me what is the sumtotal of our humans, it is none. We have single handedly replaced many animals on the food chain. We have managed to destroy most of the biosphere and are trying to take evolution in our own hands.

This thing pains me a lot. But since I am a small one among 7 billion of us all I can do is try to get many to join in this pain and hope that at the final citadel of humanity they remember me.
But in this monotonous humdrum, even if I cannot take down a totalitarian regime of dictators, I do discipline my mind by taking up challenges that liven the spirit and change the way I feel about myself.

Last time when I took up the 30 day challenge, I accomplished the following things:

1. I took a break from social network for thirty days
2. I walked till office everyday and used public transport whenever necessary.
3. I cooked for three consecutive sundays.
4. Gave up drinking for the entire month (and surprisingly never started again, its been 6 months)
5. Wrote three chapters of my book, which was published earlier this year.

But then the year changed and a lot of things happened simultaneously. This new year was awesome, first quarter was tremendously splendid. Many things are changing in my life from now on surprisingly I am finally committing my long term relationship with my girlfriend.
All this became a problem because I missed my 30 days challenge for the last quarter.

These 5 activities are in my bucket for the next thirty days. This challenge will begin on 5th May 2012 and will commence on 5th June 2012.

1. Take a picture everyday. Since I have started using instagram (earlier I did it only to piss those iPhoners but now I think I kinda like it) I will be posting pictures on instagram, search for me there if you wish to see..
2. Read 30 pages of a book everyday. My previous record was 70 pages in a sitting for 2-3 hours.
3. Finish the next five chapters on the novel I am working on (details coming soon)

These challenges will begin on 1st June 2012 till 1st July and possibly continue.

4. Cycle to office regularly
5. Go to Gym regularly.

So this is how I am packing for the next two months. What are your challenges for the next 30 days?

Jam, Butter and Bread.

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 01:48:27 PDT

"How much Jam, Butter and bread do you need for a camping for a night?" she though for one last time before setting out the foot out of the wild. She tried calculating it for a bit and then gave up, who cared anyway?

Deep forest, one weekend with Jam, Butter and bread, she smiled at the prospect of it. No one in her village could understand her fixation of going back into woods again and again. She had to be there, that was were she felt safe. One weekend safely into the woods and back to the mundane daily monotonous life.

For last three years she was going back into the woods and no one knew why. The elders knew it had to be because of that fateful day, the day she got lost into the woods. Something inside the woods changed her life forever.

"She kept running," recounted the old lady from the church, "I remember seeing her running into the woods, who was chasing her God knows."

"She was chased by the wolves," said the village pawn broker, "I tell you, I saw it. Bad girls get chased by the wolves."

"I think she was running away from the village pawn broker," confirmed the local cop, "But she won't complain with us so we can do nothing, can we?"

She walked away again into the woods just like she did last time, only last time she was running into it.

"She won't say what got into her," complained the old lady from the church, "They all are possessed, I tell you, possessed by the devil." Obviously no one believed in her for she had earlier claim Devil lurked in the television set too.

But the girl was possessed by the Devil, she smirked as she stepped into the woods, a charming devil indeed. It was four months ago when she had stumbled on the same muddy path running away from the shady village pawn broker. Her mother had always warned her about the woods but that was not the time to escape was it? If she wasn't fast enough the evil man would feast on her.

She ran faster than she ever did to save herself and into the dark woods. The light faded into darkness and the density of woods increased. She did not stop to look behind, her predator had already given up the chase long back.

It took her a while to realize that and when she did, it was too late, she was deep inside the woods and had no way to return. She was lost but alive, which was good. She wandered around a bit in the darkness of the forest. Her mother had warned her about the wolves but she found none, oh how wrong her mother was.

After ten minutes of wandering she came across a campfire in the woods with a lone man sitting besides it.
"Hello," the man said in a ringing voice, "Care to join me."
"Join you in what?" she asked surprised but cautious tone, she was wary of men.
"Jam, butter and bread," he asked handing her a bread, "Its good and I roasted."
"Are a strange man?" she asked, "Eating Jam, Butter and bread in the middle of the woods?"
"No, I am eating jam, butter and bread because I am hungry and yes, I am a strange man."
"What are you doing in the woods?" she asked.
"Eating jam, butter and bread," he replied.
"No you silly man, what are you doing in the woods at this hour?"
"Me? I am waiting for someone," he replied eating his bread.
"Someone special?" she asked now more curious.

He looked at her wearily then glanced at his stop watch, "It is time, he should be here any minute." He kept on eating his bread and butter. She just kept staring at him waiting for something to happen.

Nothing happened.

Darkness increased as the night grew old and the moon knew its time would be soon up. It would be a brand new day. Suddenly she saw it, two wolves coming out of the bushes. They first looked at her and sniffed her. They encircled them from far, she was scared. The man simply ate his bread, butter and jam without paying heed to the predators. Soon the wolves left them and she felt relived.

"So then? Wolves?" she asked.
"Aah, good creatures, bad smell. I once tried teaching them how to brush but then it was hard for them to know the difference between tooth brush and food item," he said simply finishing his last bread.
A hole suddenly appeared in the ground revealing a big tunnel underneath.

"Aah he is here," he smiled watching the hole.
A head popped up from inside the hole and looked up, "Hey you again..."
"Hi..." the man replied, "Not expecting me here did you?"
"No no, I thought they executed you in China, didn't they?" the man from the hole asked.
"Yes they did and thanks for that..." the other man replied.

There was a pause, a long pause. Eventually the man from the hole spoke, "So, who is she?"
"Oh, right, who are you?" asked the other man.
"Nobody..." she replied joining in the weird conversation.
"Oh there, nobody," the man with bread said, "Shall I kill you here?" he asked the man in the hole.
"No, give me another chance. Let me try it again, shall I?" the man asked.
"Go on then, dig deep this time..." the man with bread replied.
The man in the hole went inside the hole. The man with bread got up and turned to leave.
"Wait, you are not leaving me here alone are you?" she asked.
"I did not bring you here, did I?" the man asked, "But yes I cannot leave you here alone. Here."
He handed her his second bag of bread, butter and jam.
"Now then, How much Jam, Butter and bread do you need for a camping for a night?" he asked.

She smiled today as she was going back into the woods, just like that night and every night after that. They call her delusional, mad and crackpot. The village pawn broker lives in terror for the night she returned. They say she has befriended the wolves. She smiles, doesn't really care about what others think. But she will go there again and again, waiting for him. The man with the jam, butter and bread.
Now then, How much Jam, Butter and bread do you need for a camping for a night?

The Journey That Was Never Remembered

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 21:06:01 PDT

Life is one long journey from one station to another, just like a daily office employee waits for the next Borivali fast local impatiently at Dadar station, you wait impatiently for the next train to take you closer towards your destination. Just like the office employee, you know the train is going to come, it comes by everyday at the same time (almost the same time), the announcer has even announced that it will come but still mind has its doubts about the train and life. The journey of life takes you on every road, sometimes you start towards the east trying to get away from something, only to find that something ahead in front of you as you return from the west.

Then there are those steeps which throw doubts in the strongest of the minds. You accelerate harder and harder hoping that the steep will be overcome but eventually realize a small reduction in gear is all it takes to go over that steep. The satisfaction you get as you reach the top, you know its not the mount Everest, but some small portion in your mind tries to convince you that this was the mount Everest.

On the hot summer afternoon I was sitting on the top berth of the train from Delhi to Pune in a very lame attempt to read a Nagraj comic. After about fifteen attempts in making a complete word from the random gibberish that my eyes was seeing, I gave up. For few moments I kept on staring at the fan that was busy trying to grab everyone attention by making noises, it succeed.

Finally, abandoning all hopes I decided to enter the mortal world and started looking for humans to talk too. This berth was very peculiar, opposite me giggling and laughing were two teenage boys from North-East. The berth below me was a family of mother and her two little daughters. And the berth in the passage was occupied by a Buddhist Guru and his true believer. I do not really recall what their names were but I do remember calling the girl Pinky (for she wore a pink dress).

It took me fifteen seconds to understand the common topic of discussion was God, summer and its increasing heat and Wai Wai cup noodles (suggested by the cute little Pinki who insisted she wanted it). I was known to this drill, having traveled the same eighteen hour journey back and forth, it was the same thing all over again. Greet with pleasantries, share conversation, maybe share a delicacy and so on and so forth. None of the journeys were any significant, nothing that would change your life. I was watching little Pinky who was busy helping her younger sister (One year younger) eat wai wai noodles munching them. She looked at me staring at her and offered me her cup. I smiled and politely said no. She got busy eating them.

The mother mentioned that the guru was some high guru in their sect and they were migrating towards their Aashram. The boys mentioned that they were heading to some church to become a missionary. It was as if Harry Potter and Voldemort had finally come face to face in the epic battle in the bogey of S6. There were clashes and clangs (which i only imagined) and a duel of ideologies. I do not recollect what started it exactly, but it was something to with some can opener or wai wai noodles or the summer heat, but something kicked off a debate in the ideologies in that very train. No astrologer in the world could have predicted that in the next few moments, four thousand year of theology would be debunked, raised again and debunked again. I still missed my Nagraj comic. Pinky got busy searching for something in her pink sack which she was carrying. Her sister peeped inside the bag with her.

The duel started off with the guru being Avatar and reincarnation. The boys argued about the all loving God and faith in his son. The cycle of life was debunked with the Holy cross and the holy trinity was destroyed by the chakra of karma. I tried getting into the conversation from time to time, but being a atheist had very less experience of God and all, so had very less knowledge of what they were fighting for. So far the guru had his eyes closed and was pretending to be meditating (wish I had an excuse like that). He slowly opened his eyes and smiled and heads turned towards him. He spoke something in a language I did not know and the mother translated it to us.
"He wants to answer some questions, if you have any..." she said.
The boys started with the guru who was answering them in some language and the mother was translating. This continued for another fifteen twenty minutes and the agitation increased. People walked in and out of our berth and came for a free show. Some people decided to join in the argument for whichever sake.

There were few followers in the same compartment who came to listen to their guru talk. One of them sat next to me, I had watched enough Jackie Chan movies to know that he would be carrying a Katana sword with them, so shifted my position a bit. The conversation reached the peak and I decided it was time to put a foot down. As a precaution against any martial arts punch, I changed the seat and sat on the opposite side.

"Who are we to decide what is right and wrong?" I asked mustering up the courage, yet keeping a lookout for any ninja stars or nunchuks that might come flying by.
"We are all doing the lords work," mentioned the teenager and his friend agreed, "The all loving Father is up there deciding right and wrong. You go to him and all wrong become right..."
"We all are judged," the guru replied, "It is not who you worship, it is what you do in your life," he said (which was translated by the mother)
"Puppy..." quipped the four year old joining our conversation.

The entire birth got silence and all attention turned towards her. Unaware with any of it, she was struggling to remove a purple soft toy from inside her bag. Her pet Dinosaur had his leg stuck under a big coloring book. After a lot of effort she pulled out the soft toy and her coloring book also fell out with it. She hugged the toy and shouted, "Puppy..."

She turned around to see everyone staring at her and was embarrassed. Quickly she made a lame attempt at trying to hide behind her mothers back. Everyone laughed loudly, just like that all the theological disparities had vanished. It didn't matter to her if there was father or reincarnation or anything else as long as she her soft toy with her. Yet again a four thousand year old argument was squashed by a four year old.

In the end it mattered not which side was great or who was right. She had no problem going to heaven or to hell as long as her toy was with her. That little girl in few moments explained the entire cycle of life more than the guru or the boys. The arguments dissolved into thin air, four thousand years of theological disparities vanished, just like that, and the only spiritual experience everyone had was of bliss. Everyone laughed.

This journey was nothing special, it was one of the many necessary trips between Pune and Delhi. It was just a number in the many journeys. You meet many people in these journeys, people who then turn faceless as your destination arrives. Like the ancient city of Atlantis, these memories go away into oblivion and millions of researching years cannot bring them back to surface, however they exist. They exist as a rumor in your memory, as a whisper. I do not remember the guru or how he looked like, I do not remember the boys or how they looked like. I do not remember Pinky or her real name, but I do remember her cute 'Puppy' that changed the entire course of the journey.

Journeys begin and journeys end. The entire lifetime of a human being is spend on innovative attempts of reaching the destination from the source. The source and the destination changes according to time. The journey remains the same. But then there is one journey that suddenly comes along and changes the destination for countless future journeys that follow.

Disclaimer: This post is submitted for the Mahindra XUV500 challenge by Indiblogger. The details of the journey are as accurate as I can remember them.

Cliffhanger

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 07:51:56 PDT

The laws of physics had gone for lunch break, he thought. He had jotted down, classified and categorized all the problems he could ever face in his entire lifetime. Hanging seventy feet high up in the air by his shoe lace was not one of them. He was not even supposed to be here, not like this anyway. But his limbo poised a serious question that would reflect on his entire lifetime, which way should he go?

He had climbed this building to go down, he used the lift while going up but will now use gravity to do is job to take him down. Gravity you be bitches, he exclaimed. He had seen his shoe lace loosen as he stood on the edge of the building to jump. He considered tying it but then ignored, where he was going there was no need for a shoe lace, was there?

All the seventy religious dogma and no one explained if you should tie your shoe lace before dying. Well, it was too late for that wasn’t it? Oh, well nothing he could do now could he?

What was that buddhist story about the hunter, strawberries and the tiger? The hunter fell of the cliff hung by the strawberry bush over a valley full of tigers. the hunter ate those strawberries, yes, that was it. He had never lived a life like that, did he? Always worrying about others, carrying the weight of entire world on his shoulder.

Worrywart.

Oh yes, school, college, office and now this. This was infact a welcome break in his life after a decade. The fact that he was suspended high up in the air with only his shoe lace did not overshadow his break.

Where was his life going? He thought and chuckled, life was out of question now wasn’t it? He was supposed to go headlong in death. If only he had stopped and looked around the world. It was so beautiful, so lifelike. Oh well, it was to late for that wasn't it? He had decided when he crossed the fiftieth floor while coming up, there was no turning back. The watchmen of the building will let dogs on him if he had returned.

Maybe it was for good, he thought, after all life was going nowhere was it? There was nothing in his life, a complete humdrum of useless job, money and coffee. Too much? But then what about his wife? She was happy with his insurance policy wasn’t she? What was there anymore that responsibility?
But then he saw a butterfly flying towards him from down below, the wings were so beautiful as it struggled to reach him.

“Listen,” the butterfly said, “Life is important…”
“You talked,” he exclaimed.
“You listened,” the butterfly exclaimed clearly surprise someone listened had a heart attack and went crashing on the ground.

Oh well, yes life is beautiful. Maybe all he needed was a welcome break, a holiday in GOA, few days off without booze, smoke and life was all he needed to get it all sorted out. Maybe he could add his school crush on Facebook, go play those drums. Yes he could, he exclaimed.

So busy was he planning his future, he did not realize his shoe that was holding him tethered to life came off. He fell headlong to his death… or did he?

P.S. Those who are keeping score, my resolution of writing 20 stories in 2012 is happening. Yo.
P.P.S. First attempt at Dark humor, is it any good?

Anti-social Media

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 11:57:25 PDT

Man is a social animal, whoever came up with this phrase was probably having high tea with his college buddies in canteen. Man is infact an anti-social animal, specially when canteen serves tea mixed with lots of water and a spot of milk which is hardly spotted.

Social Media is everywhere, people are spending more and more time on Facebook, Twitter and erm… well… erm.. . Clearly suits (businessmen) and advertising agents do not like it. No after spending a millions of rupees in adding a jingle to their product, they learn that the customer for whose brain wash they had set it up is busy on Facebook, they will get angry.

So then they change tracks and start popping on Facebook and Twitter and soon mindless rant turns commercial, and when it comes to money, the policy is prepared for the employee and on and on.

One thing Social media does not give you is let live. Earlier when you used to talk to the wall, no one would like it. Now you talk to the wall and you get million likes (yikes)!!!

So you decide, your privacy is of a concern and you delete your Facebook account.

“Dude, what do you mean you don’t have Facebook account?” asks your friend, “C’mon no kidding, you are not on Facebook?”

“Ha liar,” second friend, “So you are one of them…”

Most of your life decisions are due to peer pressure, your college, your profession, your first company, the first cigarette, the first peg and however hard you may try Facebook. You bow to peer pressure and decide its no harm to join the social network is there?

So you do the tireless process of creating a Facebook profile. You fill in all funny details, like you lived in Jhumritalaya and you studied in Medical College of Engineering for Arts, Science and Commerce. You write witty and funny answers in questionnaire. Tick tick tick.

75 Friend request in a day. Hmmm, popularity. 7 people said they worked with you in the company, is that true? Hmmm privacy. 16 people said they went to school with you, is that true? Hmmm Creepy. 5 people said they are your family, is that true? Hmmm blood curling silent scream.

So this is how they do it, even if you do not know, people who know you do know you. So Facebook always know.

One morning, the dreaded thing happens, you wake up to the smell of muffin cake being prepared in your neighborer house. You plan the best possible way to drill a hole in the adjacent wall that will enable you to eat the muffin cake and there it is, lying, waiting and watching. A friend request from your mother.

You do not know, what is more horrible, your mother finding out that you turned out to be the person she was warning you in childhood, or the fact that she still posses childhood photographs of you, some in your birthday suits, some in fancy suits. To be or not to be, wasn’t that what Shakespeare said to accepting a friend request from your mother?

You decide to let it hang, get on with your life. But the fact that its still there out in the open is killing you. Soon it starts rolling, the neighboring Aunty, who you remembered when Dexter starts cutting his victims, sends a friend request.

The horror continues, someone finds a old photograph of you, it is one of those times when you had let your guard down. Not only is that photo uploaded, it is tagged, commented on and shared with everyone and your mom. You politely ask your friend to take the picture down, she politely refuses, (wonder why dexter cutting his victim plays in your head)

The problem with life is, it is infinite on both ends. Your college professor ads you on Facebook hoping to find out about you in turn informs everyone that he teaches in the college you were trying not to tell Facebook about.

Your entire world is starting to crumble, the world is not exactly yours but about the people who surround you. You merely are a password in the massive mess called the universe and the only option left in your world is suicide. I.e., digital suicide.

You unanimously agree with yourself that shutting down Facebook profile is the last logically response as the walls are closing in. You think about the loved once, what will they feel? What if your brother wanted to show you that video, he will have to resort to email or worst, the barbaric way of physically showing you. Your college friends want to flaunt the idea that their marriage is the only and greatest accomplishment in their life. Your friend who lives across the pacific and wants to show you her culinary skills via Facebook. What will they feel?

The mouse pointer hovers around the delete the Facebook profile button as the though lingers in your mind. To be or not to be, is the question. There is no other way, you silently weep in the dark secluded corner of your house. You contemplate the alternatives, like changing the broken light bulb in the dark secluded corner. You can learn French or German or Klingon, based on your priorities. You can finally take up those guitar lessons or even go to office on time. You will save a lot of time, energy and money on internet connection.

A soft press on the mouse and you feel lighting striking somewhere on the planet. An earthquake might shake the entire premise, but nothing happens. Suddenly you feel lighter as if the one ring was thrown in the cracks of mount doom. The world is brighter, lighter and better. You announce to no one in particular about your victory, standing up on the chair waiting for the standing ovation of the world. For few seconds your mind imagines the distant clapping and the heart yearns for multiple likes for this step.

If only there was a medium where you could share this information to all your friends, you think. The mind reels back, is there a way? Dark storm clouds gather outside as your mind clouts with doubt. You look at the laptop screen and realize the horror. It is asking the one question you dread at this moment.

‘Are you sure?’

Multiple thoughts clout your mind, multiple ideas flow in. If only it was as simple, you decide. The mouse pointer lingers between the void of Yes and No, which way should it go? You decide to go for the Yes, but miss by one Letter. Before you know it, the mouse has pressed No, as if it has mind of its own.

Ages must have passed, you decide, ages since all this happened. Did you skip the millennium? You look up in the world from the dark secluded corner of your house, something is wrong in this world, you decide.

Nothing has changed, no one has even missed you while you were away. Depressed, distressed and disheartened you announce your enmity to the world. The world is busy in its own humdrum revolving and rotating in happiness. Then suddenly you get one notification, its a small like from someone long lost. You smile, the world is a happy place to live in after all.

Like it?

Life was never simple was it?

The Love was Melting...slowly.

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 08:19:04 PST

Something was not right with this world, he decided. How could this world spin so peacefully? He had lost her, LOST HER. how could the world even spin? There was something definitely wrong. in the final moments of desperation he had panicked. He did not know if it was the right thing to do but he did it.

Yes he did it. She gave him immense pleasure, yes she did. Till her last moment of the existence, she lived to satisfy him, to please him.

A few moments ago he would not have even cared about her, but he had touched her. He had felt the coldness on his lips, they felt numb. Her cold exterior only gave him intense pleasure.

That’s it, he decided, this world should stop spinning. This world should pay the price of is negligence.

He stared at her, blue berry ice cream with extra truffle and butterscotch lying limbless on the floor. The molecular structure had come apart due to heat, the ice cream was melting along with his hopes for a decent Sunday afternoon.

He had seen her fall in front of his own eyes, as she slipped from her hand and crashed on the dusty floor. In desperation he had panicked to save her, but he couldn’t. now she was gone along with his hope for life.

There was something wrong with this world, he decided, the world did not deserve to spin if he could not finish his blue berry ice cream with extra truffle and butterscotch.

Note:. This article was written during the session of writing circle Pune, on 4th March. 20 minutes, write whatever comes to your mind, we sat in CCD where I saw the Blue Berry Ice Cream with Extra Truffle and Butterscotch and made a story.

P.s. I am Back.

The Valentine Pity Fry

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 23:22:13 PST

There comes a time in every persons life when you loose complete hinge over reality. You refuse any human touch and the only existence of life in your room is the continuous snore under the blanket heard at constant frequency. Thus in the winter of 2010, I found myself suddenly waking to a disturbance. I have heard that there were mughal emperors who used to behead the people who disturbed their sleep, for fifteen seconds I wished I was one of them. But no, I wasn’t. Having lost touch with reality and human beings for three consecutive days, waking up to reality was not a good experience.

Here I was waking up after three days on a Sunday with a very bad headache (sleeping for 18 hours straight), a very foul smell (which considering my room was not cleaned in like a month was acceptable) and a very grumbling stomach.

It took me seven seconds to adjust to the surrounds and pin point the location to the disturbance, which was my Chinese Phone ringing at the top of its voice. Considering that for last three days I had given up on human contact, I let it ring even though it was disturbing me.

For few moments I considered taking a bath (I dare you to take a bath in Delhi winter) or going back to sleep. But the stomach had some other agenda, for the last three days it was finding out new ways to disturb my sleep indicating it needed input.

So, half sleepy I brushed by teeth and fumbled in the kitchen, only to find my supplies depleted. There were four pieces of bhendi (lady finger) in the cupboard but I was too bored to cook them. Other options included borrowing some food stuff from the neighbor (whom I shared the kitchen with) but I understood that since I finished her well cooked rice last time there was no way in hell, she would let me borrow food. After a lot of effort I did find two parle-g biscuits in the kitchen but that would not fulfill my stomach.

Thus exhausting all the options, I decided to step out in cold to eat food. Winter in Delhi is like a fairy tale, you wish it was far far away but it never was. One monkey cap and a sweater later I stepped out in the cold.

14 minutes later I was in the middle of the food mall trying to catch a seat as quietly as I could. The grand plan was foiled with the phone again ringing at the top of its voice like a three year old who has just learned the word Ba. The south-Indian waiter in the Chinese restaurant in the heart of Noida politely smiled trying to guess the amount I had in my wallet so that he can decide if he should give my order to the cook or the security guard.

As I said I wanted to get away from human touch as much as I could, so I ordered without looking at menu the first thing that came to my mind, ‘Fried rice’. The waiter explained to me that today they had a special offer going on with Fried rice was free Manchurian gravy. Just like the tail of a dog waggles at the prospect of a brand new car, my stomach leaped at the prospect of free gravy. Well it was a done deal, buy one get one free. Praising my luck I checked my phone, it was blazing with sound and my girlfriends name popped up on the screen.

As my mood was now improved (at the prospect of free gravy) I picked up the phone in happy mood. The instant the phone reached my ears, she yelled, ‘happy valentines day.’

Crash. Boom. Bang.

The wall around me burst, it was 14th February 2010, a valentines day. A bit wary I looked around me and lo, couples were enjoying the day of love on every other table except mine. So, the free gravy was actually a pity offering, as I was the single and unlikely to get a date (as I smelled horribly). I quietly gulped on my lunch and escaped back to my sleep.

Things happen, during the time between sleeps there is a big period while life happens. It happens to all of us, at some point or the other. While the whole world is enjoying life, you may yet enjoy the snores under the blanket. As for me, the world did not see me emerge till 16th February, what happened after that is between me, my blanket and Morpheus (the God of dreams).

Disclaimer: My record of sleeping is four days straight with a mandatory rest in between for seventeen minutes after every eight hours.

Disclaimer 2: This post was targeted for Valentines day but thanks to my writers block could not complete it.

This blogger in need is stupid indeed.

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 07:05:59 PST

Been running a bit slow here but hello there. Have you observed the world change around lately? Well obviously science of stupidity is on vacation but thats hardly the news. Stupidity is obviously on the rise with more and more people crossing the stupidity threshold day by day, soon stupidity will be given a religious status by the stupid people (duh uh).

Ok alright, I admit, I am in a writers block, there I said it. Yes, I am in a writers block. There are two possibilities that could have caused that either I was kidnapped by aliens experimented (sexually) and then brain washed, or I may have witnessed a murder and repressed the memory. Whichever it is, clearly the creative idea flow is consistent, only stringing them together is a problem.

I have tried acupressure (ouch, ouch, ouch), Ayurveda churan (which tasted like... never mind...), I went for meditation (only my teacher realized half an hour later and me half an hour plus one minute later that I went to sleep meditating) and finally giving up all hope, I went with the tried and tested therapy used by multiple bloggers across the globe, I banged by head on the wall. The wall cracked.

Everyone believed there was hope left until yesterday my family saw me smashing tomatoes with a hammer. Yeah well, that was the time I decided to call it quits, took my laptop. Rearranged the entire room, shifted my table, shifted the cupboard, shifted my bed until my entire room was now reverse facing the wall. That gave me immense pleasure and I starting typing.

Multiple thoughts flowing in, maybe it was vastu-dosh (I would like to pretend that, even if I don't know what it means) or maybe I was waiting for Nokia to release a 41 MP phone in the era when people are talking about smart-phones, processing power, multitasking Nokia is still stuck in the age old mobile concept of a camera phone, alright its a 41 mp camera phone but who is going to use it? Aah but as I said stupidity is on the rise and there will be customers who will buy the phone. So lets wait at that.

There were election conducted in our area and multiple reactions from multiple candidates. Few candidates alleged that it was cheating, it was no doubt that the loser candidates who alleged that. It was funny seeing them keep a straight face and trying not to accept defeat.

You won't believe the happiness I am feeling as I reached the end of this blog post. I managed to write such a big blog post. I am actually crying out of happiness. Support this blogger in need, send in your valuable comments about other things you can use (voodoo, Rekhi) to smash this writers block and let the ideas flow. Comment Ok.

Black And White

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 21:52:37 PST

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a- Ton 24; the Twenty-Fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for this month is BLACK AND WHITE.

He was called the Rook, his real name long forgotten in the dunes of time. He kept asking since childhood, Why me? No one had the answer. No one cared to answer him.
Any normal person would be scared to walk the blackest corridor at the odd hour of the night but he had no fear. He kept asking since childhood, Why me? No one had the answer. No one dared to answer him.

The sudden light from the vehicle could blind any normal person, but he kept walking.Why me? He asked everyone till his voice hurt, no one had an answer for him no one except,
"Rumi... Father Rumi," his cold rough voice echoed in the darkness.
"Who is it?" Rumi could not see him in dark, "Come forward."

"I have come, Rumi, come back to see you..." he said, "Do you recognize me, Rumi?"
"Holy..." Rumi exclaimed, "What devilry is this? Is that you rook? But I thought...." Rumi collapsed on the stairs as if he had seen a ghost, indeed he had.
"Tell me where is he Rumi?" asked the Rook, "I have to find him..."

His childhood was burned by the chemical reaction that his eyes were exposed to. The little child working in the lab of a mad scientist, had no escape. He was used as guinea pig and as a lab rat for countless drug trials. He was paraded like a object in front of all the clients. His eyes turned sore till they bled of shame and fear, until there was no color left in his eyes anymore. All he could see was black and white.

The science was gripping, right from the unexplained drug trials to advance bio-weaponry. The lab was funded by some shady revolutionaries and extremist around the world.

Rumi fumbled on the stairs for a while and turned on the mobile torch towards the voice, "Hera...." he exclaimed, "What has happened to you?"
"Something which he will like..." exclaimed the rook, "Where is he?"
"They left you for the dead, my son, nothing I could do, I was helpless..." Rumi said.
"Its ok, father," The rook said, "Just tell me where he is..."

"What is this noise?" a stern voice from inside disturbed their conversation. A thin bald man stepped outside in the dark, "Who are you talking to Rumi?"
"He is talking to me, master..." the Rook exclaimed.
"You... you... you are alive?" asked the mad scientist, "But thats impossible, you died in that experiment... you died of chemical poisoning..."
"Yes indeed I did," smiled the rook as he stepped out in the light, "This is how I look nowadays..."

The mad scientist stomach clenched at the sight. The skin of the rook was pale white in color and his hair was long and jet black in color. "This is the color of the dead, master..." he smiled with a darkened grin, "But you know I did not die that day. I was resurrected to be free. I kept asking since childhood, Why me? Why did you enslave me for your mad experiments and no one answered. Finally, I found someone who did answer me and a better answer. Your experiments gave me something that no human has ever found, your experiments gave me freedom. Freedom from everything that chains human, it gave me freedom from life, freedom from death and it gave me the freedom from the biggest prison of all time, freedom from time. I have become immortal, thanks to you, master."

"You... you succeed...." asked the scientist, "Let me examine you... the experiment was success, I created an immortality serum..."
"No you didn't, I did," the rook smiled, "I perfected your chemicals and finished your experiment myself. I may look like a black and white ugly monster but I am not like you. I can take my revenge on you anytime I want now but I won't. I will let you suffer the pain of old age and I will visit you again to remind you what you have lost. Enjoy your colorful life, master, while I enjoy my black and white..."

Life is not always about good and evil. About black and white, for most part it is ruled by the one that is gray. He vanished into thin air to travel back in time to ask the question he always wanted an answer for, why me?

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a- Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Traff*cked: That Time when your life is going nowhere, neither is anyone else.

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 08:59:58 PST

Picture by Siddhesh Kabe, Gurgaon Flyover

In our entire life we identify two places that are of importance to our existence, one is called home, the other work. One place gives you peace while the other gives you money. The entire 80-90 years of a humans life is spend travelling between these two places and inventing new ways of doing it. The 60 million years of human history is filled with people going to earn money at work losing their peace, then returning home to get that peace and lose the money earned. The cycle of life continous.

As technology progressed so did mans necessity to create bigger and better blunder in life. Its uncanny, earlier we used make mistakes in b&w, then in technocolor, now in full blown 3D.

Human stupidity reaches its pinnacle during the 20 minutes of life, where life stops. The traffic jam consumes all the 7 sins of mankind in a single blow. Everything comes to a stand still, waiting for the world to move on. Did the world stop revolving, you wonder?

Traffic jam is the art of life. It is the butter between breads of life, one fine day the devious plan to drive home early to catch the twenty twenty series ongoing with the arch nemisis is foiled by the giant traffic jam. We learn a lot in traffic jam, for one we learn the importance of radio in a car which otherwise keeps entertaining while the driver is busy oogling on the street.

You get time out of your daily like to ponder over the largest question hauting humanity since the dawn of civilization, ‘Why does mickey mouse wear only pants and no shirt, while Donald Duck wears only shirt and no pants…’

Than there are those who think standing in a queue is beneath them. They hate waiting and have no idea which lane to go through in life. There is a long queue waiting for the traffic to clear out, suddenly in the opposite lane driving his entire life in wrong side of the street. “Oh cmon man, what are we some sort of fools?” You exclaim. After a while that illiterate realizes that traffic jam is clearled long back and now the entire traffic is stalled due to his vehicle.

The honkers like to play the complete music sympony with their horns in the middle of the street. Do they honestly believe that their horns have magical powers that someone honking loudly all vehicles will clear the street?

The tetris lower kids now driving two wheelers start their game of tetris inside the traffic jam. These riders are expert in finding gaps inside the traffic jam, they will squeeze between two cars with minimum distance and try to reach the opening in front. Do they get some prize at the opening or no I am not sure. There was this driver who practically danced inside a traffic jam to get his vehicle out. He succedded. I had a genius idea of awarding a 100 rs note to a driver who managed to squeeze his bike inside the 4 lane street but due to traffic, I could not open the door.

When I used to carpool to office, during rush hour, my carpool partner asked me to rush home, I wondered why, but I told him, it is difficult as there is a lot of traffic. I duly put on the AC to escape from the dust on the street when the partner said, ‘Sorry’ and turned the entire car into the gas chamber. Oh the horror.

Traffic jam is now part of life, it is like rain or bank holidays or a Shahrukh Khan film, you actually don’t like it but then get used to it. If one day you reach home without getting stuck in a traffic jam, you feel uneasy. As if someone has removed a part of you brutually.

Those few minutes of your life where nothing is moving, actually a lot many things are moving inside your head. It is sometimes good to slow down the pace of life and take a little break to get trapped in a traffic jam. Maybe have a cadbury or a cosy talk with someone. Who knows, that moment when nothing is moving, your life might move ahead?

India is a developing country…. someone, somewhere is always developing something!!!

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Tue, 08 May 2012 08:07:19 PDT

In the geography class when the teacher used to tell, "India is a developing country," for a moment I was confused, what is developed country I asked. She fumbled with her saree and explained something that was nowhere closed to the answer very confidently.

Still however, I never understood the meaning of the sentence and that was the B.W. era, aka Before Wikipedia in fact it was Before Internet era, so there was no one other than my school text book who could give me this information. I remember walking sadly home, that why my country is still developing when it dawned on me. It occurred to be when I was walking home one day from school and I fell in a ditch dug on the road. I could have sworn that the ditch did not exist fifteen minutes before, no one believed me.

However it dawned me inside the ditch that, India is a developing country because someone somewhere is always developing something. It was uncanny. The street outside my house was dug open 17 times in 4 months, yes I kept count. It was never the same person, first it was the electricity department, then it was the telephone department, then it was someone else who had no idea why he was digging it. After some days I figured, there was a hidden treasure buried somewhere nearby and so when at night the workers left for the day, I entered the trench to check if there was any buried treasure, but apart from layers and layers of mud found none.

There are some places which are dug up in your normal routes. During my junior college days, I used to travel via the local train till the Pune Station. On the way we met this salesman who used to climb with us at the Pune Junction and get down at the Pimpri Station. The man lacked serious patience, to the extend he couldn't wait 15 secs for train to stop and always used to jump as soon as it slowed down on the railways station.

He had no name, atleast we never asked him his name. But he was always there at the Pune station on time to catch the local train at 3:45. That day also he got into the train exactly as expected and was waiting in his customary style at the door to get down at the Pimpri railway station. As the station drew close, as his usual habit, he jumped out of the train and ran parallel to it for few secs, but something he had never expected happened before his eyes. There was some construction work going on the railway platform and he couldn't control his running, wham, crash and bang. The man fell into the big ditch that was dug on the railway platform. His routine was shaken by the incident, so were his nerves.

India is a developing country, if you observe the political manifesto of the local member of parliament, they are always filled with construction work. They also promise more construction work if you promise to vote them, indicating that they are developing this country.

Bridges are being constructed everywhere and the time taken to build a bridge is same as the time taken for election, but that topic for another day. Construction are now part and parcel of life in India. One fine winter morning you are rushing to office thinking of all the good things you are going to explain in the meeting, when a big board on the road tells you to take a ‘detour’. A ride for 5 minutes turns a ride of 15 minutes.

The new wave of smart phones have taken the chair of weapons of mass destraction on the street. In a group of 3 people walking, 1 of them is on the call, the other one fumbling with the phone while the third one is simply not sure why he is with the two. One advantage of these trenches are people now pay attention on the street rather in the phone.

Said my friend, the iPhone addict, “It was horrible man… too horrible of an experience. While walking towards your house I was busy tweeting when I feel into the dug trench outside your gate. For a moment I thought…. for a moment I thought…”

Poor guy, I said to myself, I had named the trench Krish 2 years back, now this was Krish part 4 (yes, I name trenches, we all get bored sometimes, don’t we?) The poor guy was traumatized by the incident,

“Horrible horrible experience…,” he said, “For a moment I thought, my iPhone will shatter into pieces.”

He said hugging the iPhone tightly, “If only they make an app about warning people of the dug up trenches.”

“They did it long back dude, its called Eyes and it is installed in your head. What were you tweeting about anyways?”

“I was tweeting about the 4th anniversary of the trench…” he replied simply.

But then again, India is a developing country, people are developing every inch of it. One day it is a village, the next day a fully dug out city full of trenches. We are just 60 years old and its not easy developing such a large country overnight. Whatever romans will say, India cannot be build in a day. Can it?

The False review of the New Samsung Omnia W

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:49:55 PST

Samsung Omnia W Score on SidoScope (See Below)

When was the last time Microsoft made people happy? Well, I don't remember exactly and being a serial Microsoft hater I don't want to remember. Honestly, I don't think the company is bad, I just think they design bad software but that is ok, we all have done that, but worst part is they don't accept it.

Technological innovation has nothing to do with business and the fact that they do business on technology is bad. When Samsung Omnia reached my doorstep, I took it as a sign from the universe that something is changing. Now lets face it, Apple is Apple they are good at something, they don't do it for free. Google in turn are slow and steady, they believe in giving it all for free, who can blame them actually?

So I got Samsung Omnia W in my hand, I kept an open mind. I was not going to judge the windows mobile based on its big brother, windows. Ofcourse every family has a bad apple? Isn't it? (Apple here refers to the fruit which is grown using chemicals in a farm, not the electronic device company which manufacturers phones)

A disclaimer, just to be clear, if you are looking for a suitable life partner for your other electronic equipment you can look-up the technical specifications of the phone go to some other site like gsmarena.

The first impression of Omnia is wow, yes Wow, the UI is much better than Android UI (which is what I do not know, considering there are many launchers out there.) Yes, the phone has a much better UI specially if you compare it with other normal phones and some smart phones.

Microsoft has determined to be the iPhone killer to the extend that the phone refuses to scroll vertically. Every scrolling is done horizontally. The UI is the same as Zune (the alleged iPod killer, don't laugh!!!). The phone is simple to operate on with clearly marked big icons indicating Phone, Messaging and other things.

One bad thing about the phone is no expandable memory, so if you already are using a smart phone, transferring that data is a big pain in the... backside. Talking about transferring, the phone does not detect any Android device while connecting via Bluetooth, no idea why. Connecting to PC is also a pain, because it demands you install Zune counterpart on your PC before it is connected (Maybe this is a iPhone thingy, but then I did not like iTunes either).

The UI is very appreciable in terms of impressing you for the first time, however, after using it for a few days you get weary of it. The shine drops down and you carry in your hand a phone that refuses to connect to any PC without its Zune software, cannot expand memory card and also cannot connect to other smart phones via Bluetooth. But as my girlfriend points out, I am biased about the phone because I am having an affair with Android phones (3 so far), maybe yes, so that's why this is actually a false review of Samsung Omnia W.

All in all, Samsung Omnia W is a good smart phone for those who want to use a smart phone or blackberry but are not smart enough to configure it according to their needs. It is a welcome change from the traditional Java and Symbian mobile operating system, but has a long way to go if it is comparable with Android or iOs.

Samsung is busy keeping its commitment to install every mobile operating system they can get their hands-on on their devices and Omnia W marks the threshold of a generation of Omnia series which would run Windows on Samsung phones.

Its a Saturday and you have nothing to do, hope you enjoyed this false review about Samsung Omnia.

Enjoy the weekend.

P.s. Pictures clicked by the greatest photographer of the century, me.

The Review Scale of Sidoscope:

Growing up is fun? Well, almost.

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 10:46:02 PST

The oldest memory I have of the one dream since childhood was to grow up. If someone would ask me why exactly did I wanted to grow up, I am sure I could not answer it. Why exactly I wanted to grow up, I have no idea, but Ill tell you its not pretty.

They say, age brings wisdom, I say they lie. Age just brings you better excuses to things. Every year you live in this world, you adopt to its crazy sense, you lie for living. You give our excuses for things. Some excuses are very common, like act your age or it is against religion or it is against humans but excuses are there.

If being 25 is halfway there, on 26 I have crossed the threshold to what? I am not sure. Although however you convince people, you can handle it, they don't believe you. While growing up, you are led to believe that there would be a time when you are old enough, people stop telling you what to do.

Turns out, just like other childhood myths like girls are not mean little girls, drinking milk is good for your health, the myth of people not telling you what to do does not cease to stop. It in fact accelerates.

When you are small, its just your parents who have exclusive rights over you. They tell you what to, and more importantly they tell you what not to do. Ideally, these exclusive rights, should reduce over the time, but clearly they don't. Infact the entire world gets the right to tell you what to do and what not to do. Relatives are always there if you like them or no, but now every third person you meet has an advise for you.

'Don't post so much on Facebook,' 'Ohno, don't change your job so soon,' 'hey, you working in the same company for 2 years, sad' 'It is not good staying in company late,' 'You won't get promotion if you don't stay late'

I mean for Godsake, some of them even don't make sense. People who have never worked for a single day in their life suddenly start talking about job advise. Your distant relative who maintains a long distance with her own husband tells you that her choice for your wife is the best one in the world. Everyone has something to tell you as if multiple travelling salesman banged with a wikipedia.

You are always amazed in childhood about how knowledgeable the adults are, but now that you are nearly there, you realize most of it is made up stuff. There are no ten people who are interested in what you do. No one out there who actually give a freaking damm about anything. Grownup makes things up like the old high school history teacher who pretends to answer your question with some more confusing facts leaving you with more confusion that ever.

By the time you are 26 however you are now well versed in the new found world of grownups. Where everything you say is going to be debunked. There will be a conflict in everyone you meet about if you are grown up or no.

Sadly, you won't have an answer to it too. But if I connect the dots and look at the life going back, I am supposed to say today, that I learned a lot. Actually, I didn't. But I have hopes, the little me who set out on the journey in the craziest planet in the galaxy born in the craziest species 26 years ago has fared well. I did achieve what I set out for, but more importantly I have grown up... almost. Or that I would like to believe.

P.s. This is a tradition on Sidoscope, since 3 years, I start writing a post at 11:15 and Post it at 12:00, so it can be random, garbage or even stupid... but then aren't they all?

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your beheading... I mean, wedding

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Tue, 08 May 2012 08:07:20 PDT

When you are of a certain age, certain things start happening around you. You are a male who has crossed the boundaries of 25, you see females from your school (whom once you used to hit) have uploaded a cute picture of them holding a baby on Facebook. You say nothing when THAT girl for whom you literally skipped your degree education for changes her relationship status to ‘Married’, you control your emotions when the girl who was once happy go lucky is seen on Facebook with a fake smile in the arms of an equally fake man. But all these emotions run lose, when it happens, the dreaded moment of it all… an invitation to the wedding of your fellow male friend.

You know its over, the end of the world is near because at that moment, the wedding invitation brings with it many many questions, some of which are better not answered.

An invitation to a wedding invokes more trouble than a summons to a court. There are two forms of an invitation, one that comes at your parents house and other that you can take your girlfriend with. While the former puts you in the merciless hands of the mother, who questions your growth, the later puts you in the merciless hands of your future wife, who questions your.. well... growth.

This invitation is better if it comes when you are not around, or you will find yourself in a very awkward room, filled with very awkward people talking about very awkward stuff. The real awkwardness comes once they leave the room (or whichever planet they are from).

“So, XYZ is getting married, did you see?” your mom.

“Is it, good,” as if I care.

“His parents are so lucky, he has given so much happiness to his parents. The girl is from their planet, caste, species blah blah blah (enter a obsene amount of description for the girl). The couple looks so perfect, see…” your mom.

“Okie…” still as if I care.

“See, he is so settled in life and has everything now. When will you get settled….” and so it begins the lecture on how the xyz person is good and how bad you are. So good that he is ready to tie a blindfold and stick with any girl his parents choose.

Holy Cow!!! Didn’t see that coming, didja?

Ideally, the boy is ideal. One fine day I come home only to find my mom saying, “Empty your comics cupboard,” she says.

Now this comics cupboard has a history in making ok, I am collecting graphic novels since I was in 9th standard. I saved pocket money, did odd jobs (distributing newspaper, working as a cyber cafe attendent and so on) just to collect these graphic novels. There was a time when this collection of graphic novels increased beyond any normal human storage proportion. My dad was of the belief that the comics are worthless waste of paper and refused to have them stored in the house. After a lot of argument, threats and promises, I was given an old steel wooden cupboard to keep my comics. Oh how magnificient I filled it, 8 big rucksack full of books neatly stacked, classified and categorized.

But all of the sudden, “Empty the comics cupboard.” Even before I was coming to terms with the command thrown, she went ahead and pulled those 8 rucksacks out. Now this cupboard also had some secrets, which I won’t share on a public forum. Lets just say in my teens I was collecting something more than comics.

“This ABC is getting married and we are giving him the cupboard in his new house…” she replied proudly. So proud are the parents in emptying the cupboard of their own son to make sure it looks pretty in the house of someone elses son, without even consulting the one person in the whole world who is using it. There is a urban legend of the only man who was so really free, who turned down an invitation to a wedding without giving an excuse. I am yet to meet this man. None of us are.

There is a serious question in marriage, do I give condolenses or congradulations? I never understand. If you look at the bride and groom, they don’t even look happy. They just sit there as a decorated doll smiling as widely and fakely as possible. The bride is happy, she is more pretty than the prettiest girl in the room, the groom is happy with the prospect of honeymoon tonight, but not as a pair, as individual. Even if there was some other bride sitting there, the groom would be similar happy only.

The wedding invitations invade everywhere, you find them on the dinner table. They irritate you more while having dinner, more than the toilet cleaning commercials who are timed perfectly when I eat the morsel. They are there on the shoe rack, they are there when I need a piece of paper to note down an important number. One fine day they reached the email inbox, out of the blue.

I was busy doing some important work of editing the Wikipedia article when it happened, an email invitation.

Dear All,

It is with immense pleasure I invite you to the gracious ceremony of my marriage. The wedding is happening in a land far far away and I don’t expect you to come anyways. This is a humble notice to the jerks that I am no longer single, so stop hitting on me. I anyways am irritated by you all for 5 days a week and hence I did not bother printing you a wedding card as well. Come with your family so that I can rub it in their face how pretty I am and how you were hitting on me.

Do come. Attached is the scanned copy of my wedding card which I shamelessly used the office scanner to scan it.

Yours,

PQR

Oh the horror, and then one fine day on Facebook. You login to Facebook to have a quick glance of who is still single when it pops up,

You have 1 event invitation from MNO

Subject: My wedding in Hell

Seriously, I was so bored doing this wedding stuff that I decided to invite you on Facebook. Yeah, do come along to see my wife, whom I have myself seen only twice and hope my eyes are right. No gifts please, we don’t have patience and place to keep those cooker, ganesh idols, table fans and photo frames. Bye for now, have to get back to those crops who are whitering.

RSVP: Yes. No. Go to hell

Wedding invitations who would have thought? Oh yes and I got 19 wedding invitations on 1st of Jan, imagine how much excitement would be in 2012. Yeah right.

P.s. No I am not getting married and you are not invited.
P.p.s. Don't mind me if you are getting marriage, these are my views, I am not telling you to listen to them.

The year end list of things that happened: 2011

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 07:22:13 PST

Oh what a year, what a year, i’ll tell you what a marvelous year. Never before in the history of human years we had so much to tell and share in a single year. Year 2010 ended in a abrupt way with the rise of terrorism and the increase in violence. However, still 2010 was much better than 2009 who barely managed to exist quietly.

This year was legendary, many years down the years, there would be the legend of the year 2011 which survived the act of God as well as acts of Humans. Some would say, year 2011 was just packing up. Just like the simple overture before the final cressendo in an orchestra, 2011 was just giving us all the taste of freedom.

This year witnessed many ends, it saw the end of Harry Potter, it saw the end of tyrannacy of Gaddafi, it also saw the end of Osaba Bin Laden. Year 2011 brought with it something fresh, something unique. 2011 came with a perspective, that no longer do we need the information control.

It also brought with it the idea of a free world, the idea which is going forward in the 2012 with a bang. 2011 gave people hope, that someday I won’t have to look in the eyes of my child and say, ‘Sorry son, we humans have messed up this planet beyond repair and we give you this hell hole as it is. No we could not fix it for you…. not that we wanted too but we were busy paying taxes and minding our own business.’

Nope, right from tyrants being shot down and dictators pushed away from the chairs, 2011, also provoked the capitalists from their chair. Occupy London, Occupy wall street and other Occupy protest made the world realized that people are still indebted in the free world.

If 2009 was the time for the terrorist and 2010 was the time for retrospection, 2011 was truly peoples era. Now we can look in the eyes of our kids and say, ‘Hey not that we did not try, we at-least tried changing the world.‘

Did the world change, no it didn’t, the Government did keep the straight face while attempting to ‘fix’ the problem, but even they knew, their time is up. It will take more than 365 days to fix the mess we are in but still, 2011 above all gave hope to millions, that there is hope left for humans, there are causes worth to fight for.We official beat the rabbits in their own game and produced babies faster than any species on the planet, we crossed 7 billion this year. 2011 witnessed that too. Congradulations humans.

Coming closer to home, for the first time in the last 40 years, the ruling party in India felt the power of people slapped on them using the same method they managed to gain reputation for so many years. Well, lets not retrospect on weather Janlokpal is good or no, let us think and consider how did lakhs of people step forward and actively took part in the protest. The TRPS of loksabha live have surpassed the TRPs of Kukkurmati ki Karambhari Kahani and people nowadays, if nothing else talk about civil responsibilites.

2011 also made the world smart with the smart phone users increased. It also saw the birth of Siri from the brain of Apple, Siri who has redefined smart phones like never before is the key to the future input methods. If Apple brought innovation with it, others were not behind, who kept bringing innovation again and again, 10 times cheaper than Apple. Aah, there were some whimsical moments, some bickering and some suing. Apple sued Samsung, Samsung Sued apple, Apple sued Motorola, Google sued apple, Microsoft sued someone, someone sued someone and so on.

Of-course, while the suits were busy suing each other, Siri was born, so was iPhone 4gs and Android Icream Sandwhich. In this process, personally, I got a Galaxy Tab from Samsung and met some real interesting 20 people, who also got the same from Samsung. Everyone had their own whimsy and own quality, however it was wonderful observing each and everyone of them. On Channel one, I had a chance to see the Innovation Summit first hand, always had the dream, this year made it true.

The year 2011 also saw Indians taking lead in the modern world, with Slut walks, Gay Lesbian Pride Parade and Flash mobs happening everywhere, that also showed that now feminists, LGBT and other supressed group would no longer be supressed.

While the governments where busy keeping their poker face, telling themself in mirror that everything was fine, an Act of God hit the planet. There were earthquakes in Japan, hitting the nuclear reactor very closely, Tsunami hitting the shores of new zealand forced the world leaders to ask, “Why this Kolaveri Di?”

The year saw some leaks in the form of Wikileaks, the two face of dimplomats turned black. Even thoughJulias Assange was under house arrest, his idea changed the world. Wearing the Guy Fawkes mask in the courtroom was not a clever idea, it was a message. End of World. Now.

This year also saw the freedom of information on steriods, even Santa Claus feared his naughty/nice list would get leaked on Wikileaks, so he signed an NDA with all his Elfs. Arm Chair Activist took control and shook the foundation of two democratic nation. Obviously, many governments woke up to threat of Social Media and Government of America introduced the SOPA while Indian Government followed suit with Censorship on internet. 2011 was an enabler, not the solution provider. It made sure people came on streets, it made sure things happened, now all that is left is the effect. Which it has conviniently left for 2012.

My brother tells me I also have to mention that Indian team won the world cup is an accomplishment for 2011, yeah well, I guess it is, never actually cared about cricket. But I did enjoy watching the India vs Pakistan match using social media, where my peers from Pakistan also cheered sportingly till the end of the match. This year also saw the birth of 4th generation of Bacchan, which the news channels will happily report for another 21 years.

2011 also did bring a change to the corporations with collaboration and Enterprise 2.0 terms floating around. It did manage to convince the suits that buckle up, its the informal who is going to lead the way. The world is still adjusting to the idea of collaborative business, many are still in denial, but it is finally left for 2012 to hit the final nail in the traditional business model.

So finally, 2011 is ending abruptly keeping many loose ends and many possibilities exist in the coming year. 2012 has a lot of pressure getting in, the year 2011 has by far set the bar too high for everyone. 2012 has another thing to worry about, something about end of the world in his reigns.

2011 has left many tasks unfinished, it gave us the taste of freedom, it gave us a glimpse of coming world, however the only thing 2011 asked for was participation. It promised changed only if we move forth and take charge. 2012 is coming with the final cresendo, finishing everything 2011 started. Can you hear it sing the Robert Frost?

‘But there are promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.’

That’s all from me this year, last post for 2011, see you next year.

Finally here is the summary of 2011, all the post done in this year on Sidoscope. You may enjoy them.

The Sidoscope Summary 2011:

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

[28] The Story of the Goose
[25] Suicidal Tendencies
[14] To the Parents of the Blowjob Generation
[12] The Strange Case of Pseudo Engineer
[03] When life gives you lemons, make milkshake.

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

[25] The Simple Joys of Stupidity
[10] The Planet of HandItnus
[02] Naked and hungry patriotic people are popular in India!!!
[01] Softwarayan

May 2011

[29] [Funny Story] The Sleeping Beauty Story
[21] The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
[14] The difference between Rape, Sex and Love
[07] The Surgical Strike
[03] Oh-Sama!!!
[01] Of Baba's, Business and Bakwass!!!

April 2011

March 2011

[31] Simple. Perfect. Normal
[26] Oh for the love of marriages!!!
[20] Reserve that Place for me Please
[13] The strange law of Normality
[09] Wordmore Wednesday: The curious case of ATM center.
[04] Arrange marriage or slave trade, What would you prefer?

February 2011

January 2011

[31] Superman Without Pants
[25] The Republic of India
[18] Will you follow me please?
[14] Are we there yet?
[11] And So Facebook Shut down....
[06] The Good, the Bad and the Me.
[02] Of Arrange Marriage and the debt of Parenthood
[01] Oh, so the New Year is here.

See you next year.

The Teachings of the Snake Mother

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 19:13:09 PST

Since her birth, Kadru the mother of all snakes always had a boiling rivalry with her sister Vinata, the future mother of Garudas or the eagles.
Oh how magnificent Vinata was, with her wings spread out wide, her long flights in the air. Once Vinata kept on and on about her long jump towards the sun. Oh how jealous Kadru was. Kadru made a vow that day, that one day, Vinata would be her slave.

When they both where married to the Sage Kashyap, son of Manu, she demanded 100 sons, to fulfill her vow against her sister. Vinata was still the smartest and she asked for only two, but both of them should be stronger than any son Kadru had. Thus the sisters were gifted with their boons, Kadru in her hundred sons gave birth to Shesha, who in the future will be the greatest hermit of them all and support the land on which sons of Manu will stand. Vasuki, the future king of serpents, who would save the clan of snakes from extinction and also Airavat, whose whiteness would be the measure of all things white in the world.

Vinata however waited for long time but both her eggs would not hatch. It was difficult for nature to fulfill her boon and do that soon, so both the child took time in development. Kadru laughed, laughed at the misery of her sister.

Everyday she mocked on her sister, oh how fast her kids were growing, said Kadru. Shesha could now defeat the entire mountain, she said. Vasuki could beat Indra in the game of dice. Vinata got angry and broke up one egg.

Out sprang her eldest son, Arun, who would later be the charioteer of sun and help all creatures with energy. But because he sprang too soon, his one wing was deformed. Consumed with guilt Vinata vowed she would wait for the second egg to hatch.

In the meanwhile, things were changing in the newly formed earth. The Devas and the Aruras where going head to head against each other in their battle. Finally Kadru’s son, Vasuki meddled with the two clans and offered them a respite. They would both churn the ocean and distribute the gifts that the nature has to offer. Vasuki himself offered to be used as a rope for this churning. Kadru was angry, she felt betrayed. She instantly disowned Vasuki and proclaimed that her true son was Shesha who was true to his clan.

But with the churning of the milky ocean provided her with an opportunity to enslave her sister,

“Oh Vinata,” she said one day casually, “Have you heard of Uchchaisravas? the magnificent king of horses who sprang from the milky ocean?”

“Oh sister, who hasn’t heard of him,” Vinata mentioned, “I hear his tail hair is the purest white in color, even whiter than your son Airavat….”

“No, my sister,” Kadru said, “No one is whiter than Airavat, I have heard he is of color black. Lets have a bet on it, shall we?”

Vinata smiled, she had no idea Kadru was talking seriously when she said, “If the tail of the horse is black, you will have to be my slave forever, but if it is white in color, Ill be your slave forever.”

“Oh sure,” said Vinata playfully, she will later regret this bet as Kadru would actually chain her to the ground in front of all the snakes, for a hundred years, until rescued by her elder son, Garuda.

Kadru instantly called her sons, the powerful Shesha and the magnificent Airavat. She asked them to hide in the tail of the horse so that it will appear black instead of white, “I want my sister as my slave. Go my sons, follow the teachings of your mother….”

She was in for the shock when Shesha replied, “No my mother, we won’t go and help you with your diabolical plan.”

“How dare you defy your own mother?” she asked.

“We do not defy you mother, we obey the same teachings you taught us. You taught us poisonous fangs and their use, you taught us how to hide from others. You taught us how to build the own nest, but above all,” Airavat said, “You taught us treachery against your own kin…. by plotting a diabolical plan against your sister you taught us treachery.”

“We are just following your teaching…” said Shesha, smirking, walked away with his siblings.

Kadru was left fuming in anger.

P.s. The story is based on the original characters from the Hindu Mythology of Snakes and eagles. The story is also true, the author has taken the liberty to fictionize the story.

The Intelligense People

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 11:43:56 PST

They say time, tide and trains wait for no one. Althought many (mad) scientist will argue that time does wait for people and the calculation in the 4th dimension requires a nail cutter, tides also sometimes do wait for people to get in the middle of the sea and then pounce upon them from all the sides, a way to ambush humans. However, everyone does agree on the single most unchanging fact in this variable, flexible and changing universe…. trains wait for no one.

Train like life have a fix destination, fix stops and occassionally due to unforseen conditions they do halt at the red signals in the middle of nowhere, but they don’t give up until they reach their destination. Life happens, you like it or no. Just like a passenger can miss a train by a second and that second then gets amplified due to unavailability of another train to the same destination, immediately. Life happens.

There are many trains at the train stations but the train to your destination is only one. The local at morning 6:15, this train had special meaning for all us. Who where the US? A bunch of students who did not know each others name but usually bumped into each other at 6:15 local.

This train saw us pulling crazy stunts at the door, this train saw us studying hard for the exams, this train saw us escape from enuch who walked the corridor. This train formed an unremovable part of the life of Junior college, the 20 minutes spend in the local train formed many many stories. Some nice, some not so nice.

As odd as I had taken Electornics as my specialization in Junior College, the college gave me classes only at odd hours. How odd? Early morning 7:00. Every monday and tuesday people would see me running from the house to the railway station, sometimes some familiar faces used to scold as I ran on the railway tracks.

One fine day after running as fast as we could, we reached the college only to find the notice written on the gate, ‘College closed’

Those were the days of pocket money and with 100 rs per month, going by bus was not an option. We decided to kill time on the railway station till the next train at 9:00. That gave us around an hour to kill on the platform. On the ghostlike empty platfrom we six people were loitering around, ordered a kacchi dabeli (those who don’t know this come to Pune) and sat on the walking platform stairs exactly below the board, ‘Do not sit on the stairs.’

Halfway through Kacchi Dabeli our brain cooked up a brilliant plan, ‘Lets check our weight for free’ exclaimed Kedar. The slot machines for weight checking on the platform worked on a simple principle, he explained to us. You stand on the counter and the levers inside adjust themself t0 the weight you have, when you insert a coin the ticket is printed with an occasional horrorscope or the filmstars info. So the grand plan was, we stand on the platform and Kedar the heightest among us will peep inside the machine and check at what weight the level stops. Yeah, it makes no sense now, but that day it was the best plan ever.

A homeless person saw our antics on the slot machine and for no reason starting shouting, ‘You intelligense people have no akal (brains) you only have money which I don’t have, but I am more smart that you….blah blah blah….’

We had no idea what he meant but were relieved seeing him go out but the relief was short lived, he returned this time holding a small boy in his hands. The little boy was crying, ‘Let me go…. let me go….’

People gathered around, exactly what is happening, they figured the man was the childs father, but that was not the case, which we will see momentarily. He asked the boy to stand on the platform and he put a one rupee coin inside the machine. The ticket was printed and he came closer to us to show the ticket. He proudly showed the ticket to each and everyone of us and then turned around, only to find the boys mother and father standing behind him.

After a few slaps he again recoiled in his ‘home’ and started cursing the intelligense people. That guy had missed his train, but maybe not, he did gain something out of it. Since that day, everyday for two years, he constantly got 12 rs from 6 strangers who used to travel to and fro on the platform.

The whimsical life of death.

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 00:48:41 PST

She walked the dark corridors in the grace of the wind. Softly,steadily and stealthly she crossed those marbeled floors. Being the youngest of the sisters, Death was very good at her job. She made sure she completed her job just as wanted by her Eldest sister Destiny.

Her long earings and the beaded necklace jiggled as she swiveled around the corridors, giggling to her self. Her brother Life always called her maniac and whimsical, but she deterred. She was good at what she did and what she did was not so good. They all pictured her as a fearly rabid animal or a skull with a wicked grin, some also pictured her as a fat black man with horns as his helmet, if only they knew what she actually was…. she giggled.

But she never understood the mortals fear against her, why did they despised her so much? The only thing Life offered to them was existence and in return her brother siponed them of their existence day after day until nothing remained, no will to live. Their bodies degraded as the years passed andthe weight of time fell on them. She did no such deal, she simply took them away to a better place…. only if they knew what was after death. But her sister Destiny had forbidden to tell them what happens after Death or Destiny will never be free.

She jiggled her way through the walls and heard the voice at her destination.

'Push, Push, Push…’ the doctors screamed, helping the lady in her labour as the baby made his way into the cruel world. He will be crushed under the gravity and bound to Destiny. Long back Destiny had chained the Rules of the Universe to herself, the sum of lives of all the wretched mortals. But their cunning brother had twisted it on them itself, now the Destiny was chained to the rules. Were to rules chained to her or she chained to the rules, no one could tell, not even she herself. But she said it was her Destiny to be chained to the rule book, so there was no escaping it.

Still if Death will tell people what was in store for them after death, her job would be so easy, but then everyone would want death and that cannot be good.

'Push…. c’mon Push….’ the doctors urged, hoping not to use the ventouse for delivery.

She softly stood next to the mother and the baby, deciding which one should she free of the existence. Her mind manically danced on the halfway body of the baby, a cold shudder passed around as the mother felt the energy drained out.

‘Get the ventouse….quick,’ screamed the doctor attempting to save the baby.

She giggled at the fruitless efforts of mortals, trying to prevent the unevitable, let it go already, she though to herself. Its not that you have succedded so far,have you? Her hands danced on the chest of the mother,who found a new form of energy passed on her body and started pushing the baby.

After an effort the baby was out in the hands of the doctor who was being praised by his fellow mortals.

She liked this part of her job very much, new born babies were her speciality, she knew they would suffer the most once she was done with them. Slowly she walked to the baby, now in the hands of the doctor. She was not greedy at all, not like her Brother Life, who at times send more than one mortals and both were bound to each other. She treated her every mortal with respect and separation.

Her cold hands touched the forehead of the new born baby, the baby could not feel anything…. not yet. Slowly she bend over the baby and whispered the words in its ears, ‘I’ll come back for you when your job is done,’ she said.

The baby started crying loudly in a ear deafning noise. The doctors clapped hard and praised the Lord for the miracle. She walked gracefully from the hospital as gracefully as she came. She has just breathed soul into a fresh corpse, now was time to sipon one out of a tired corpse, so the balance in the universe would maintain.

They always praised the Lord for the miracle of life, not knowing that they are at the mercy of Death even to survive. Deaths job was not to take away souls from the corpses, that was already done by Life and Destiny, her job was to guide them back to fresh corpses giving them second chance to survive the Life. Her brother hated that, so did her sister. But she was as whimsical as any.

It was just another day in the life of Death.

Authors Note: Eh, just a twist in the ideology of millenia. Did I succeed? Don’t know whatventouse is, ask a medical student or worst, ask Google.

[Fiction] The Final Citadel

hi5@sidoscope.co.in (Siddhesh kabe) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 07:26:22 PST

Now

‘Are we not men?’ he asked loudly fallen on the blackened path. The skies were gone forever, now covered with black haunting darkness, ‘Don’t we deserve another chance?’

Some unknown time before
Slowly cautiously he walked in the darkness. For last 500 millenniums he was in the dark, this was nothing different, this was home. Home sweet home.

It was their evil plan, the cruel Gods who engineered the whole thing. Screwed and cunning Indra and his minions trapped him into the worm hole for eternality. They cunningly distributed the nectar of life to the Gods. The poor humans never stood a chance, they were taught since childhood to obey whatever was fed to them, even if it was bad. The humans called it fate, the humans said they were not worthy. Of course, that’s why humans were made, unpaid slaves to do the dirty deeds of Gods.

But when the Gods did the same to the demons, they retaliated. ‘Why would nectar of life be given to Gods only? Why should demons accept the fate? No, we demons who with the help of Demon Guru Shukracharya had reversed death, a feat that even God could not achieve, ‘a wide smile came on his face, overcoming death, that’s how he survived the last 500 millenniums.

His sharp eyes sensed something, sharply he turned around. There was nothing. Obviously this was a plane that rested between the surface of earth and heaven, also dubbed as the 5th dimension, this plane knew no direction, no time, and no space. This was the directly passage between seconds, this was the place Krishna instructed Arjun, this was the plane where Shukracharya was killed. This plane will take him where he wants to be… not where when.

Again a hustle, a shadow crossed him in the distant. This plane knew no geometry, so the shadow could be very close by. Silently he removed his witch blade from its scabbard. The witch blade was stolen from death himself, by a thief in the distant seas. No breathing creature could survive its touch to any of the 5 senses. Whoever was lurking around, had invoked its death and he was doing to deliver it.

The blade glowed blue in the dark waiting for the blood. The witch blade had one condition, if it was removed from the scabbard, it cannot be put inside without blood on it, and doing so would result in the death of its own master for the sword demands blood.

Silently he waited in the dark, like a hunter on the prowl, waiting, listening…nothing. Whatever the shadow was, had gone. He had heard of creatures that used this plane to travel, like the cats. Every time a cat was left by the owner in some distant plane, it would hop on in the 5th dimension and reach home back before the owner.

6 minutes before now
As he stepped into the reality, he gasped at the sight of the massive black hole in front of him. The blade glowed in his hand and he clenched it hard. Nervous he stepped up,

‘It’s not worth it you know…’ Agatya voice boomed from behind.

A few months ago
The theft of witch blade was worrying news at the ashram. The students and the teachers panicked on hearing the news. Inside the ashram behind the secret wall on the throne made of pure mud sat Agatya, calm composite with his head hung low.

‘You are the insurance policy of heavens,’ his mentor silently said, ‘the last hope for humanity…’

‘If I snatch the witch blade, I have to kill its owner…’ Agatya inquired.

‘That’s the rule; you cannot wield it until you give it blood of its previous owner,’ his mentor spoke calm and quiet.

Agatya looked into the eyes of the mentor and closed his eyes.

2 Minutes 49 seconds before now
‘You think this is fair, Agatya?’ Aryasura asked, ‘All this while we struggled to keep the balance of the world in place. Are we not men? Don’t we have any say in it?’

‘Let it go Aryasura, it’s not worth it. The inevitable is here, the final hour of doom is on your doorstep. Do you want to spend the last minute of your life fighting?’

‘Then get out of my way, Agatya, LET. ME. KILL. GOD,’ Aryasura shouted.

‘He is not here; it’s only you and me now at the hour of doom….’

At the next second everything happened in a flash, a small mosquito was flying low, looking for a meaning of its existence, a blade flew past it making swishing noise. Aryasura marched towards Agatya to kill him in a blow; Agatya raised his shield to defend from the blow. A clang and a big spark were emitted.

‘Let there be light…Agatya… its fruitless trying to stop me. Witch blade will stop at nothing and you know that.’ Aryasura exclaimed.

‘And neither will I,’ Agatya, ‘And when I die, another Agatya will come to stop you and another and another. I am a thought that will travel eons to stop you. You have 2 more minutes; give your best shot…’

79 Seconds before now
‘It is over Aryasura, you cannot win, not now…’ Agatya was on his knees red from the blood gushing from his arms. Aryasura looked at his work in pride, he had killed the Agatya, and his name would go down as the person who killed Agatya.

‘I stand in front of you wielding the most powerful sword in the galaxy…’ Aryasura said, ‘I have sliced you into half and your life is ticking away. You think this is fair? One fine day God wakes up and decides to destroy the world? You think Humanity will go down without a fight? No we will not, I stand here representing the 100 millions who have called this planet home. I will not stop until I stop God from destroying the world. He just gave a dusty and rough world; we build a better world than him. We created concrete roads, we created flight patterns, we created bridges better than him, humans are better than God…’

He walked towards the black hole. The ground shook as the reality was sucked into the void, things were pulled towards it. He had 50 secs to stop it, how could he do it?

The witch blade glowed in his hand, yes this was the solution. He murmured the final chant of the mantra; the mantra will bring down the entire force of asura in his blade. He will destroy the black hole in one slice…

Boom, the witch blade exploded in the mid air, destroying the reality with it. Aryasura collapsed.

Now
What happened? Aryasura shook his head as the reality adjusted in front of him. The witch blade had vanished from his hand and so did most of the reality. A small rock lay afloat in the ether giving the final proof of the world that existed before the blast.

‘Are we not men?’ he asked loudly fallen on the blackened path. The skies were gone forever, now covered with black haunting darkness, ‘Don’t we deserve another chance?’

‘Let there be light,’ Agatya spoke from the bloody lips, ‘You were right on one account, God could never defeat humans. He tried hard to build a thing that could destroy the world, but he couldn’t. He was too attached to his creations. But humans are different; we created things that can destroy us. We rage war against each other with some pseudo sense of righteousness. We even fight in the name of God. We dirty our own streets, our own planet just to protect the boundaries that we created ourselves.

You were right, God could never destroy what he created but humans can… and did, you destroyed the reality. Just as any other human weapon, you wielded the witch blade without thinking about its power and so it is, you destroyed the world.’

Aryasura looked at the bloodied warrior speechless, ‘But…’

‘This final bedrock of civilization is spared for you so you may repent of what you did.’ Agatya said, ‘The purpose of life is not to overcome death but to do things that make you prepare for death. The thought that you destroyed everything that you had to protect will be the last sane thought in your head until eternality.’

Agatya closed his eyes for the last time. So did everything else.

P.s. Loved the adventure of Agatya? My own Superhero, read his origin in this story.