The lovely Scarlett Strallen

One review of the Snappy Title showcase hailed the New Musicals Network as the lone saviour of the scene — totally ignoring the fine work of so many others. Far from being ashamed of musicals, the Edinburgh fringe devoted the George Square stages to shows with songs — The Great British Soap Opera debuted there, for one. And the C venues had a fair few musicals too, including Michael Bruce’s Ed.

Speaking of Michael Bruce, yesterday this very talented young composer had his very own gala concert on Shaftesbury Avenue, with performers of the calibre of Julie Atherton and Sarah Lark singing his songs. It was produced by the brains behind the Notes From New York series, who have long championed new writing.

And then this week sees the launch of this year’s Perfect Pitch festival. Trafalgar Studios plays host to four brand-new pieces of work including Tim Driesen’s Super Alice Smith, Douglas Irvine’s In Touch, The Go-Between (starring Scarlett Strallen) and From Up Here (featuring Kaisa Hammarlund and Leila Benn Harris). Not only that, but the lovely Ms Atherton stars in a gala concert of Through The Door, one of the productions from last year’s showcase.

Sure, new musicals are never all going to be of top quality, and nor are all going to go into full production. The latest tour from A Stage Kindly, Bravo, didn’t fill me with enthusiasm for any of the shows whose songs featured in the cabaret set. But that’s not to say the works won’t be revisited and rewritten at some point, forming them
into potentially successful pieces of theatre. And the important point to note is that A Stage Kindly provides yet another opportunity for composers and librettists to stage their shows.

Times are hard for everyone, unless you’re Andrew Lloyd Webber with a dozen theatres at your disposal and millions of pounds to fritter away, or the songwriter for a pop group who’s got enough of a back catalogue to pull together a jukebox show. But the talent is still out there, and there are definitely enough of us who want to see new musicals and will continue to flag-wave in their support. So break a leg to everyone at Perfect Pitch this week — and long may all you writers and producers continue to pull together fabulous material for our delight and delectation.

Is Miss Saigon coming to the big screen?

Les Miserables: Amy Adams, who was magnificent in Enchanted, could make a good Fantine; and still on a Disney track, would James Marsden be too old to play Enjolras and don the famous waistcoat? Anne Hathaway, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s newest protege, could play the older Cosette — she’s wide-eyed enough and can definitely imbue the role with the requisite amount of whininess. Could Zac Efron manage Empty Chairs At Empty Tables as Marius? And as for Eponine, bear with me — how about Kimberley Walsh? She made her West End debut in Les Mis, singing On My Own at the curtain call, and it’d certainly be interesting casting. That’s if she can act, of course. Failing that, I’ll lobby for Sheridan Smith.

There’s a wealth of comedic talent who could make a good job of the Thenardiers — Alistair McGowan, Rowan Atkinson, Alun Armstrong, Ricky Gervais; Julie Walters, Dawn French, Victoria Wood, Kathy Burke — or how about Ade Edmondson and Jennifer Saunders? I’d love Richard Armitage to return to musicals and take on the role of Javert — he’d do an excellent job as the brooding, menacing policeman. If Colm Wilkinson plays Valjean again, I shall scream. I have enough evidence of his portrayal now, and I’d quite like to see someone else try it.

Who’s got the gravitas and the range to take it on? Can I suggest the Jackman, or is my obsession overruling any kind of sense?

Miss Saigon: Casting here will be tricky; the producers will want to avoid the kind of kerfuffle that arose when Jonathan Pryce and Keith Burns played Asian characters and had the make-up to match. However, I suspect we’ll have similar issues as with Memoirs Of A Geisha — any actor with vaguely “Asian” looks will be up for a role. I can see Jamie Foxx fancying another shot at an Oscar as Best Supporting Actor as John — but would he be comfortable with just the one big solo in Bui Doi? I’d like to see Reese Witherspoon as Ellen — breezy, smiley, all-American girl, but with the ability to make Chris’s usurping wife at least a little more likeable.

And why do I get a sneaky suspicion that John Barrowman will be angling to reprise the role of Chris? That would, of course, be ridiculous. Obviously if the Jackman was ten years younger I’d suggest him, but as that’s not an option I’d opt for a smaller name with a track record in musicals and screen acting, to play opposite an even more unknown Kim. My suggestion is Tony-nominated Stark Sands, about to star in The Ballad of Bonnie and Clyde in San Diego, and currently swaggering around in uniform in Generation Kill. As for the Engineer — I’ve really no idea. Any thoughts?

Mark Owen

Elton John (The Lion King, Billy Elliot, Aida)

The modern master of musicals began his theatrical career by scoring the Disney film The Lion King, which then transferred to stage. He clearly got a taste for it after that. The Olivier-winning Billy Elliot’s been in residence at the Victoria Palace for nearly five years, transferring to Broadway to great acclaim (and a plethora of Tony Awards) this year. Aida was a huge hit in the US, and has also been staged in Germany, Switzerland, Japan, South Korea, Netherlands, Uruguay, Australia, Philippines, Mexico, Croatia, Peru, Argentina, Estonia, Canada, Hungary, Brazil, Sweden, Denmark, China, and Israel. But not the UK.

Benny and Bjorn (Chess, Kristina)

It is a source of great pain to me that while Mamma Mia! continues to pack ‘em in all over the globe, Benny and Bjorn’s masterwork Chess is consigned to the vaults and revived only every so often when somebody thinks they can fix the flaws with the book. I don’t dispute that there are issues with the storyline; but it is a fact that the score and the orchestrations (as heard on what I deem the definitive recording, the Concert staging of 1992) are some of the most beautiful writing for musicals in the 20th century.

Dave Bryan (The Toxic Avenger, Memphis)

The masses were unsurprisingly sceptical when Bon Jovi’s keyboardist announced his intentions to write a musical with Joe DiPietro, librettist for shows including I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change. The scepticism multiplied when they learnt that the new creative team were going to base their new show on B-movie The Toxic Avenger, about a geeky smalltown boy who falls into a vat of toxic waste and is endowed with superhuman strength. But weirdly, it works - it’s funny, endearing, and has a rockin’ score. The smallness of the venue at the New World Stages off-Broadway works too - it creates a sense of intimacy and enforces tricky staging decisions (such as the cast doubling up on roles, to terrific comedy effect). Word is that their new extravaganza, Memphis, on the Great White Way is somewhat less successful.

Any other pop star composers I’ve missed?

Andrew Lloyd Webber, Sierra Boggess and Ramin Karimloo at the launch of Love Never Dies

First there was a video montage that made me blush with its Daily Express-like crass capitalisation on the fact that Princess Diana saw Phantom of the Opera and now she is dead. Then Lord Lloyd Webber took to the stage to tell a jolly little tale about the new show’s genesis. Basically he was quite rightly informed that the original’s conclusion is rather unsatisfactory, because our heroine ends up with a dull husband (who is also irritating, as we established last week) and the Phantom just disappears. And it took Ben Elton to tell him that the show should focus on the characters we already know, rather than introducing new ones.

Anyone with an interest in musical theatre will have known for months that Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess are the principals in Love Never Dies, so it was hardly a surprise when they walked on and Karimloo performed one of the songs from the new score while Boggess sat on a big golden chair. It was more of a surprise when Lloyd Webber applauded Karimloo, and then announced, “Right, I think that’s it,” and dragged his two stars off stage. The disappointment in the theatre was overwhelming – not just from hacks wanting a story, but from the dedicated Phans who’d been specially invited and didn’t learn anything they hadn’t already known.

So what could they have done to make this launch more spectacular?

Announcing the rest of the cast. Obvious, but a goodie. Summer Strallen was later revealed as Meg Giry, but that’s another bit of news that’s been widely rumoured for months. And the fun of new casts is quite often in spotting up-and-comers and speculating on understudies.

Scale models of the set. Although as they didn’t announce it was to be staged at the Adelphi until later, they might have overlooked this one. Part of Phantom’s charm is in the set and lighting – it would be fascinating to know how they intend to portray Coney Island. I have a horrid feeling that it may be through projections, just as Lloyd Webber did to little effect with The Woman In White.

Get Boggess to sing. You’ve got the girl here, and London critics and audiences are unlikely to have seen her in action before. It’s a total waste of her time and talent sticking her in a gold lame frock and making her simper at Ramin Karimloo.

Magic tricks. Paul Daniels is apparently not involved in the new production, and I suspect it will be all the worse for that. Who, after all, does not thrill to their soul when they read in the Phantom programme, “Magic consultant: Paul Daniels”? He could have sawed Boggess in half or something while she was waiting around, at least.

Drop the chandelier, once and for all. All those critics who are sniffy about musicals but still turn up if there’s a freebie on offer? Sit them in the firing line. Then cut the cord.

The profoundly irritating cast of Rent

And indeed, this is undeniable. But Cosette isn’t exactly a void — she’s whiny (though that might just be because of how high she sings), vain and selfish (is she at all bothered about her Papa disappearing before her wedding? Does she enquire about Eponine’s fate?) And yet we’re presumably supposed to like her, at least a little bit.

A friend of mine maintains that Fantine is more annoying than Cosette — obviously the annoyingness is genetic. However, I maintain that at least Fantine has the excuse of having syphilis, making her increasingly incoherent.

So I’ve been racking my brains to think of other supposed heroes or heroines of musical theatre who are actually irritating or just plain awful…

Raoul (Phantom of the Opera)
He goes bounding in to Christine’s dressing room, having not been in touch with her for about a decade, but now she’s grown-up and looking quite passable, he’s interested again. Because he’s rich, that gives him the right to boss her about and tell her what to do (let’s leave aside the fact that Christine’s a bit pathetic herself until about two-thirds of the way through the first act); his cunning plan leaves his fiancee in the clutches of a crazed serial killer, and yet your sympathies are still with the murderer, because Raoul is just so impossibly, boringly weak-chinned and dull.

Jean-Michel (La Cage Aux Folles)
This is one of the biggest questions in theatre: is there a single actor in the world who will ever be able to make Jean-Michel anything other than a spoilt, ungrateful, cruel narcissist?

He sneaks into his parental home after what is presumably a lengthy absence, declares he’s getting married, and informs his father that his beloved and her parents will be visiting presently. Oh, and his father’s partner has to get out immediately because the in-laws-to-be won’t approve. Even his fiancee Anne, a total cipher of a character, shows more affection for her soon-to-be in-laws than Jean-Michel does for either of the men who brought him up.

Ellen (Miss Saigon)
I suspect Messrs Boublil, Schonberg and Maltby were well aware how irritating Chris’s new wife would be to audiences — the cheerful, pretty, devoted all-American wife who keeps our hero and our heroine apart.

Even as a kid seeing the show for the first time, the desperate attempts to make her sympathetic were clangingly obvious — changing the confrontational “Her Or Me” to “Now That I’ve Seen Her”, and, in the midst of her impassioned declaration of her commitment to keeping her husband away from Kim’s clutches, inserting the plaintive line, “I don’t hate this girl, even so.” Funny way of showing it, Ellen, with your total disregard for her feelings and overwhelming jealousy of your husband’s former lover. I’m not saying either are unjustified; but in terms of connecting with a character on stage, it makes it impossible.

Oh, and EVERYONE in Rent.
Get a blinkin’ job, all of you. Grow up. Pay your bills. Bohemia is all well and good, as is artistic integrity (yes, I’m talking to you, Mr Mark “I’m too good for Buzzline” Cohen), but you can’t live off your friends and your parents all your lives. Go and stack shelves or something.

Who have I missed? Who are the most irritating characters in musical theatre?

Sutton Foster in The Drowsy Chaperone

So role reprisals are beloved by actors — but what do theatregoers think about them? Is it a lazy career move, cynical playing to the crowd, or a demonstration of how much an actor loves a part and wants to make their audience happy?

It seems that it’s the latter. Just sending out a quick Tweet to ask for suggestions of perfect role reprisals elicited a flood of
responses.

First up, my best friend (who’s becoming a bit of a feature in my blogs here) reminded me that although we’ve seen him play the Usherette, we’ve never seen Richard O’Brien play Riff-Raff in The Rocky Horror Show. “I would so like to see it,” he sighs. “He’s great, and I don’t think anyone’s ever done the part as well as he. In fact, I’d have liked to have seen Tim Curry as Frank N Furter with him.”

Michael Ball’s turn as Edna wasn’t mentioned, but his other career-defining part was, unsurprisingly. “I’d pay top dollar to see him as Marius back in the day,” says Talia. “Actually, now I’d quite like to see him try Jean Valjean as well…”

“Sutton Foster in The Drowsy Chaperone!” declared the esteemed Luisa Ramirez. She’s not seen Ms Foster in anything previously, so why the desperate keenness? “I love what I’ve heard, and she’s so cute in interviews.”

The fabulous Damian Sandys would like another chance to see Ruthie Henshall as Polly in Crazy For You — her first starring role, and the part for which she received her first Olivier Award nomination. “I saw it and thought it was incredible,” he says, “and it made me know WHO she was, even though I had actually seen her Fantine before.”

And it made me feel oddly sad and nostalgic when people wished they’d been born a generation earlier. Seeing La Streisand on stage was a popular option; and one person responded: “Michael Crawford as Phantom! I didn’t exist when he played the role and I would give anything to go back in time and see it.”

So, are there any actors you’d like to see reprise a role, either because you loved them so much first time round, or because you wish you’d seen them then?

Team Gin won after a slightly controversial lightning round against the formidable Team Dainty Shelly and perhaps in protest, Quiz Saigon set their table on fire (it’s ok, it was only a little fire). Team Too Close To The Front turned out to be theatreland’s legendary sourpuss bloggers, West End Whingers. As I’m sure you can imagine, the presence of Andrew, Phil and entourage made your quizmaster’s public speaking debut somewhat daunting. However, with the aid of gin and a temperamental microphone I powered through.

So far we’ve raised a modest sum for The Actors’ Benevolent Fund. This will be topped up by the upcoming auction of a pair of ballet shoes worn and signed by senior principal dancer for the English National Ballet, Erina Takahashi.

The shoes will be appearing on eBay next week with a starting price of 1p. Whatever we raise from the shoes will go in the charity pot, please bid generously.

Once again, thank you to everyone who made it and we hope to see you all next time.

I’ve been wondering, though, whether any of the original TV cast will be tempted to audition and tread the boards. Let’s assess the likelihood.

John Barrowman — Captain Jack
Well, he’s a West End leading man, as he likes to remind us, so any decent musical project would be considered, and he’s already confessed (to me, I should add) that he’d love to do a Torchwood musical. However, I have to rule him out simply because he’s so insanely busy he could only commit to three months in La Cage Aux Folles, even though he wanted to do more, and his diary is currently full for the next 18 months (seriously).
Likelihood of participation in Torchwood The Musical: 1/10

Eve Myles — Gwen
She’s a serious actress, you know, with a proper background at the RSC. Not sure of her vocal capabilities, but she trained at the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama, so it’s likely she can sing a bit. But she’s heavily pregnant with her first baby, so I suspect she’ll not be keen to take on any stage commitments for the time being.
Likelihood: 2/10

Burn Gorman — Owen
He’s just finishing his run as Bill Sikes in Oliver! — not a brilliant singing part, but he’s shown a flair for melodrama and rhythm. He’s another one with a busy calendar ahead of him, though, which is apparently one of the reasons he’s moving on from the Theatre Royal Drury Lane.
Likelihood: 3/10

Naoko Mori — Tosh
Barrowman might try and style himself the musical theatre expert of the Torchwood team, but quiet little Tosh has a
glittering CV herself. She’s starred as Kim in Miss Saigon (with the Barrowman, actually) and Christmas Eve in Avenue Q. IMDB doesn’t have any projects listed for her in the immediate future, so maybe it’s worth the producers giving her a call?
Likelihood: 5/10

Gareth David-Lloyd — Ianto
They’re fairly clear that the lovely besuited teaboy won’t be brewing up at Torchwood ever again, so
Gareth David-Lloyd has time to diversify. He’s got a few TV projects on the boil, and is rumoured to be heading to the US shortly; maybe his arm could be twisted if the musical producers got their offer in early.
Likelihood: 4/10

It might even be worth writing The Doctor into the Torchwood musical somehow. After all, four of the most recent Doctors have recently had, or will very soon have, their names in lights outside major playhouses.

David Tennant did his Hamlet thing to great acclaim; Christopher Eccleston was the sinister banker in A Doll’s House at the Donmar; Peter Davison is about to letch all over the gorgeous Sheridan Smith as Professor Callahan in Legally Blonde; and Sylvester McCoy’s been on the lengthy tour of Little Shop Of Horrors as Mushnik.

Anyway, if you were at the helm of the Torchwood musical and the original TV cast were off limits, who would you want in your
production?

Celebrity casting outrage has become the bread and butter for most theatre bloggers. X Factor this, Lenny Henry that, Madonna the other: you can practically hear the purists being sick in their Fairtrade ivory buckets. I’ll admit it, I still wince a little bit when I hear that someone out of The Bill is going to lead King Lear or something but, well, times change don’t they?

Basically, celebrity casting has become a staple part of live theatre these days. Ninety-nine times out of 100 the result is a soulless dung-heap of a production, but you never know, theatre producers might hit gold one of these days. I’m not sure it’s going to be with Lily Allen, but I wouldn’t rule her out. No, what I mean is instead of prancing about on a team of high-horses, bloggers should try to stoically accept such news and wait to judge the performance:

Blogger: (hearing the news) What’s that? Jordan is going to play Lady Macbeth at the National? Oh, I see, very good. Piers Morgan is down to appear in The Glass Menagerie at the Garrick? Very well… very well. (Distanced) I’m just going out now… yes, it’s raining… no, I’m not wearing any shoes…. hahahhaHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Wait, on second thoughts, no, maybe they shouldn’t just take it on the chin with such abandon. We could end up with a few burnouts. However, I am quite certain that everyone should just relax about it now. If producers keep churning out celebrity guff then these abominations will just die out, won’t they? Survival of the fittest and all that.

No, and what’s more, I’m not entirely convinced the cricket-loving popstar is going make such a ducky hash out of it. Firstly, Lily’s down to play the rather, um, headstrong Steph in Neil LaBute’s Reasons to be Pretty. Told that her face is “regular” by her boyfriend, Lily - I mean Steph flies off the handle and has a great big shout-down. It’s not exactly a million miles off is it? She’s not going to require a full six hours in make-up and force the lighting chaps to call her Steph between performances, is she?

Her dad’s an actor, of course, so too is her brother Alfie, so perhaps a stint on the boards isn’t totally beyond her reach? I reckon she’ll be pretty good at it to tell the truth.

Talking to The Sun, Lily said: “The play is about themes close to my heart, things I touch on in my track The Fear, about the really damaging cult of beauty among young girls.”

See, she even has a vested interest in the project. What’s more, Lily added: “I’m not going to record and tour again for quite a while … so I’m going to try something new.”

So, Lily Allen’s going to give up music to star in a West End show? Mmm. Reasons to be Cheerful…

Why do we need a remake of Fame? Kevin Tancharoen’s remake of Alan Parker’s 1980 original hits cinemas on September 25th, and I shall be interested to note the ways in which it improves or adds to the highly enjoyable original.

And Baz Bamingboye’s been talking again this week about Keira Knightley’s possible starring role in a remake of My Fair Lady, the beautiful, glorious Oscar-winning masterpiece which starred Audrey Hepburn, Rex Harrison and the disembodied voice of Marni Nixon. How will this new version improve on a film that won the Academy Award for Best Picture? It’s intriguing.

Don’t think that I’m against remakes altogether, though. There are some musicals that have made it to the silver screen and ought to be done again — and done properly this time. Here are my suggestions for musicals that genuinely need a reimagining on film…

Rent
My main issue with this one was the sentimental decision to bring back most of the original Broadway cast, despite the fact they looked 15 years older than the characters they were playing (and the younger actresses, Rosario Dawson and Tracie Thoms, replacing the two who had the sense not to sign on for it). But there were other problems with it too — introducing themes and characters just a touch out of the order that would have made most sense; the jarring use of flashback and dream sequences; and some bizarre choices with orchestration. Still, on the plus side, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as Rent: Remixed.

Hello, Dolly!
I probably wouldn’t even have thought about this film had it not been for the wonderful revival at the Open Air theatre this summer, but for all Barbra Streisand’s many talents, she’s woefully miscast in this, simply because she’s 27 and not the meddling middle-aged matron required by the script. Her singing “Look at the old gal now, fellas!” is just risible. Still, an older woman carrying a film would never do in Hollywood, would it?

A Chorus Line
I’m still not sure whether this will ever work on screen, but another attempt is surely overdue, if only to wipe from our memories Alyson Reed’s terrible wig in the Let Me Dance For You flashback sequence. The songs omitted from Richard Attenborough’s original attempt, including The Music And The Mirror, Sing!, and Hello 12, Hello 13, should be reinstated (and while we’re at it, Surprise Surprise should be taken out and lost forever); and the big chunks of script that actually made us care about the characters need to be rediscovered. The only problem with replacing the 1985 original film would be that the famous closing shot of the gold-clad dancers, where one hoofer crashes to the ground and promptly gets back up hoping nobody has noticed, would be lost in the mists of time.

Even films that I’ve loved might still be worth revisiting — I’m also thinking that a version of Cabaret that has more of the stage show’s songs (and a Sally Bowles that isn’t as supreme a performer as Liza Minnelli) might be worth a stab; and a version of Chicago that doesn’t use the dream sequence cop-out for the musical numbers could be interesting.

Any more suggestions?