Photo by SliceofNYCI was sitting at home Friday night not knowing what to do. My flatmate had his girlfriend over and didn’t want to go out, some other people I phoned weren’t in the mood to have some drinks (lazy potheads), and I wasn’t in the mood for calling up a girl to take on a date. So I ended up going to a pub hopping around the Red Light District. I didn’t know what was going to come of the night except that I was going to get exceptionally drunk. I started with five straight shots of Jagermeister, sipping RedBull in between. Then at another pub I had three beers. Then at another pub I had a vodka-cranberry, which is when I felt the touch of tipsyness. Then I got another 2 beers and a strawberry daiquiri (don’t ask me why–well basically, two girls were drinking it and it looked like they were enjoying the shit out of it). Then while I was sipping on another beer, this being the third pub/lounge I was of the night, I watched two drunk Hell’s Angels stumble in. The drunker one, who was falling around the place went up to a table of girls and tried to talk to them. The girls quickly brushed him off and he ended up falling onto the shoulder of his friend who was ordering drinks. They got some drinks and ended up coming to sit right next to me. I started some conversation with them and one lit up a cigarette. The Chinaman bartender quickly told me to put the cig away, but when he refused, the bartender grabbed it out his mouth and put it out himself. Then the Angel got out another one and began to puff away, putting his feet on the table. The bartender got mad and kicked them out without getting them to pay for anything. I decided to come out with them and that’s when they asked me if I could show them where there are any good clubs around. I told them I was thinking of going home, but they convinced me to go with them. Why not, I though, it’ll make for a great story to tell.

The real drunk Angel ended up going back to his hotel room, but me and the other one took a taxi to a club. The club didn’t let us in so we ended up going into another club. On the way to the other club he kept kicking bikes and mopeds and telling everyone who even slightly looked at us to “Fuck off!” and “What the fuck you lookin at! What you want, motherfucker!” It was fucking awesome and started kicking mopeds with him as well. When we got into the place,  we ordered more drinks and I approached two girls who looked quite hot. I started a conversation with the hotter one of the two and then introduced my friend to them. She told me he frightened her a bit and that he looked like a Nazi. Hmm, I thought in my drunk state of mind, why not ask him if he was a Nazi. Not a good idea on my behalf, but fuck it. The guy looked like this: Tall, built, the sides of his head were shaved, and in the middle he had long hair, he had Hell’s Angel’s vest on, and looked like a mean fuck. He didn’t take my question lightly, getting really offended and almost turning on me, but then I managed to change the convo with a toast.

Then when he was trying to hit on a bartender (same bartender I hit on a few weeks ago), I came up to him and put my glass of beer in front of some guy who was trying to order a drink. He told me to move my drink and I told him to get the fuck outta my face. He kept trying to get me to move my glass, but I was in a little bit of a bout it mood, so I grabbed the Angel’s shoulder and when he saw the guy looking at him and starting shit, the Angel got up in his face and yelled “Whatta fuck you lookin at motherfucker!” The guy bitched out and went straight to the security. Then we were approached by three big bouncers and they asked us to come outside. It was hilarious, the whole situation. On my way out I was walking by the two hotties and said, “I gotta go outside for a minute,” and when she asked me why, I pointed at the bouncers behind me and the look on her face was priceless. She understood.

Outside I was trying to understand why we were kicked out and told the bouncers that we should go back inside or at least get our fucking money back that the Angel paid for us to get in: 5 Euros each. I didn’t realize that while I was trying to talk rationally to the bouncer, the Hell’s Angel was yelling at them. Then one of the (by now) five bouncers reached out and smacked the Angel across the face. He stumbled back and I noticed that he didn’t want to jump in and fight them so we ended up walking away. Damn shame. Then I told him to call more of his Hell’s Angels but he was reluctant. That’s when I decided to go home and told him I needed to be on my way. We separated and I got completely lost. After an hour of aimless walking, I got a taxi and drove home. My bike is still tied up at the Red Light District somewhere, I just hope it still hasn’t been stolen.

I threw up when I got home from the liquor and the morning wasn’t any better. Huge headache and more vomit. Great night. By the way the Hell’s Angels I met were from Denmark and there was some being anniversary meeting of some sorts for them here in Holland the past weekend.

A wise man once said to me ‘never drink wine from a screw top bottle, respect your elders and take your time looking for love’

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The latter part being the most prominent for me. My name is Adam, founder and author of the male interest blog blokebuddy.com and today I’m going to give you some of the most valuable dating advice my experience can offer.

Basics:
OK so you have seen a woman at work, met someone online or you fancy the checkout girl at your local store, and you want to ask her out, right? But there are some basic principles you should follow before doing so, let me divulge.

The first thing you need to establish is whether or not she is interested in you, and there are some simple steps you can take to determine that.

1. Body language: If she likes you she will look into your eyes and keep a firm lock on them, if she doesn’t like you she will quickly look away.  If she sits with her legs crossed, breasts pointing towards you and plays with her hair a lot, these are signs she is into you.

2. Her conversation: Another way to tell if a woman likes you is in the way she interacts with you, if she laughs at your rubbish jokes and seems absorbed in what you are saying, this means she wants to know more about you and feels comfortable being around you.

3. Talk to her friends: Women tell each other everything and I mean everything, so it is worth doing some digging around with her friends, don’t just run up and say ‘does Jane fancy me?’ you need to be more subtle than that, just mention in passing that you think ‘Jane’ is attractive, or that you think she is a really nice person, and most likely they will tell you what she thinks about you.

Asking her out:
Right, so you are pretty confident by now that the girl of your dreams has the hots for you, so asking her out should be a cinch, but be careful you can make a really bad impression in the way you ask a woman out. When you ask her out do it alone with her, don’t try and be a clever clogs and do it in front of your mates she will think you’re a fool. Don’t take her to the pub, the last place you want to talk intimately with a woman is a noisy crowed beer tank, so ask her if she would like to go for a meal, somewhere quiet and intimate and make sure you ask her what type of food she likes!

By now you should have your date secure, you have a restaurant booked that serves the food she likes and you are now ready to release the lothario inside you and charm her into your affections.

This post is 1 of a series of 3, in part 2 I will go into pre date advice, what to wear, do’s and dont’s on your date, and good conversation advice before the final part on how to secure a second date, how to make sure you leave a lasting impression on her so that she will be overcome by you.

Keep an eye out for part 2 coming soon!
With thanks to Robby from shiteilike.com for allowing me to guest post, and I recommend you subscribe to his blog he has a lot to offer.

For those who may not know, Hank Moody is the main character of the show Californication, and if you really want I gave a short review about him and the show in this link. Now for those who do know something about Hank, is that he is the smoothest person you’ll ever see with the ladies on television these days. I noticed five characteristics about him that destinguishes him from many, many men in society who try to get women. And in all honesty, even when you read books about “the game” and being a pro at the pick-up game, I really tend to laugh at guys who take that too seriously, because the truth is, simplicity is key. In those other books or shows or websites on picking up women, they give advice on making you into a fucking tool who thinks every word through and does things that women expect them to do. And it may work for a night or so, but then it just gets extremely boring, and I noticed that it tends to work only on the most shallow and sluttiest girls out there without any broader concept on life except thinking about where to pencil in her next nail polishing appointment. And those girls are fun sometimes, but when you try to approach a more intelligent woman with those same antics, you end up failing miserably. What people like Hank Moody are able to do, nonetheless, is get women of all types. And his secret? Well, here’s what I picked up from his characteristics that I think can be easily applied and you don’t have to turn yourself into a robot, but instead feel more free than ever before during your approach to women.

1. Being a Child is Always More Fun

Being an adult sucks. You always take things seriously, you never have any fun, and your world tends to circle around money and other responsibilities. And just like men, women also get tired of this uptight styled life and need to unwind. And what do women look for when they need to unwind? They need a man who can bring her into a child’s world where nothing ever mattered and fun was the most important thought on their mind. Those same women end up marrying formal, uptight businessmen, but for fun they fall back on men that don’t take life seriously and don’t judge them based on what they say or how they act and just accept and encourage child-like behaviour. Hank is one of those people that gives the women in his life an ability to feel free and do what they always wanted as a child that they couldn’t do as an adult. Some adults try to suppress most vices, but Hank just pushes those limits. Drink some wine, sneak into your boss’s home office and sleep with your own TA on his desk. Live free, live happy.

2. Just Don’t Give a Fuck

Not giving a fuck takes a lot of balls, and that’s one thing that’s crucial in getting women. People are so terrified of making fools of themselves that they actually end up not doing things they really want. I believe that it should more embarassing to hold yourself back from doing something you want and to act “cool” (but that I mean lame) than to be free enough to do exactly what you want. Don’t wait around hoping the beautiful woman at the bar will come up to you, but go right ahead and say something to her. Don’t restrict yourself from urges–that doesn’t mean all urges, you should identitfy some limits, and a good indicator in most cases is the legal code. In an episode, Hank didn’t appreciate a guy talking on his cellphone while sitting in the movie theater, so after asking them man to get off the phone, the man didn’t listen, so he grabbed the cell out of his hand and threw it across the cinema. This is the idea of not giving a fuck yet having the balls to back it up that I’m talking about. And women just dig that shit.

3. No One Wants to Hear That Depressive Shit

When you’re with a woman, don’t bore her with your sensitive problems. Women don’t wanna get down and dirty and fuck a man who they pity. Not giving a fuck or being childish doesn’t mean you have to be a pussy, you really need to hide those emotional problems you may have for your shrink, because when you’re with a woman on a first date or even second, I advise against putting your cards out on the table and telling her your life story and how your mom didn’t breast feed you enough growing up. Hank hides all his self-loathing and depressive personality inside of himself and only shares it through his literature and sometimes to Karen, the woman he loves and shares a long history with. Women want to forget problems when they’re with men, not think about new ones, so at least give them that, because I for one as a man don’t wanna hear women’s problems. We’re all selfish by nature, so take that note as advice not to inflict your problems on others.

4. Funny People are Fun

Way too many men over-think when they’re talking to women. Don’t! Say the first things that come into your mind, they tend to be the funniest. And if you can make a woman laugh, it’s the biggest guarantee to get her into bed. Women love to fuck men that can make them laugh. But this really all depends on your sense of humour and if you have been blessed with a good one then you’re lucky. However, if you don’t have a good sense of humour then just try to focus on the other 4 things I mentioned in this post. Either way, men shouldn’t think about what they think they best thing to say in a situation would be, because that just tends to put them into awckward situations. Hank says some of the most rediculous shit you’d ever hear that the women can’t even process some of the times, and that just bumps up his chances.

5. Assholes Prosper

We all know that nice guys finish last, and it’s the goddamned truth anyway you turn it. Being an asshole takes skills though, because a straight up asshole who just takes nothing and no one into consideration due to his own self-loathing ends up a lonely old man. But if you are able to know how far you can go and what you can get away with when talking to women in the things you say or do then you will master getting any woman you want. Most the time women will sleep with an asshole, but will end up hating him in the long-run unless the man is skillful enough to flip things around and be able to be serious with her as soon as he sees that he’s gone too far. In one episode Hank really fucked up with one nice woman who he embarassed in front of others and she ended up walking out on him. Then she was talked into seeing him again and he was able to flip things around so well by applying other principles mentioned above that they ended up in a long relationship until she broke up with him when a man she loved broke up with his wife. They staid friends though.

So those are the 5 things I picked up from Hank Moody that I think are real important in the he acts that help him succeed so well with women in the show. If you think I’ve missed any, leave your ideas in the comment section.